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Bob NC
07-09-2002, 10:13 AM
Part 7: Our Trip. Part 7: Our Trip. "Oh, you serve Coke here"?


Up at 6:30 and the coffee arrives at 7:00 like clockwork. Jane hides in the vault while the server brings the tray in. He asks if we’d like it on the balcony....”Sure”. Today was coffee only, ($9.20). We decided to try some takeout from Mara this morning. After 1 coffee we head down to Mara where I get a big ole cinnamon bun and some fruit and Jane gets a bagel, I think, all to go. (Must have paid cash, about $100, I think). Back to the balcony with the tray to eat our breakfast and finish our coffee.

The topic of conversation this morning is about todays destination. We’ve been here for 2 full days and have been to 2 parks. This is our last day and we have 2 parks left to go. Jane insists we just HAVE to go to MK AND AK. Now, I could easily scratch the Magic Kingdome off my list just this one time. The way I figure it is the first 2 trips I EVER made to WDW, the only park open was the Magic Kingdom....So, if I miss the MK on a trip or two, I’ll still be kinda even in the grand scheme of things. Geez, can you imagine going to WDW for a week and having ONLY the MK?....LOL, seems strange now, but heck, folks used to do it all the time. This is what kinda cranks me off when I see people whining about the parks closing an hour earlier this year than last....or loss of EE....Like Disney is taking away EVERYTHING!!!! Just try to imagine going there for a week and having just ONE park to go to. A lot of people look at the little stuff Disney takes away, but conveniently forget the unbelievable expansion they have undertaken over the years and continue to do. Anyway, to Jane, going to WDW without visiting the MK would be like going to Lourdes and saying, “I’ll just have the iced tea”.....

About 8:15 it’s off to the bus stop, the MK bus arrives in a minute or two and off we go. The driver informs us that it takes 13 minutes to get to the Magic Kingdom. He’s right. I buzz right up to the line at the turnstile while Jane navigates the security patrol. We are maybe 20 people back and they start letting people in at 8:45. This was a surprise, since last month they waited until 9:00 on the dot to open the gates.

Our list here is not too long....We need to see Dubya at the HOP. Of course, we have to do COP, since it wasn’t running in May. And various other things. As soon as we go under the train station, though, I see the horse and trolley sitting there and it looks full of people. Our last couple trips I have wanted to ride this up Main St, but it never worked out. It looks full of people, we see folks walking up to the trolley, taking a look, and walking away. I see what looks like 2 seats open in the front seat. It is set up where it looks like there is only half a seat there and ya think that’s where the driver is going to sit. I asked if there were 2 seats and she tells us to climb up and sit down. Don’t you just love the smell of fresh horses a$$ in the morning?....This nag was just a tad pungent, we found out why those 2 front seats were unoccupied. We had a great ride up Main St, noticing the bakery was almost empty, earlier in the morning we debated having breakfast there, (French Toast Loaf!!!!), but decided it would probably be crowded and would cut into valuable touring time.

Our strategy is to get FastPasses for Buzz, then hit Space Mountain. We are one of the first in line at the machines at Buzz, get our passes, then get in line for SM. We buzz right thru the line and when we get to the front we see that we have our choice of the left or right side. We always go to WDW in May and we have never seen both lines open at once, usually we always ride the right. We choose the left and have a super ride. I can’t tell the difference, though I am SURE there are diehards out there who can. Then it’s off to Extraterrorestrial Alien Encounter.....I like this ride, though I really can’t understand people bringing their little kids in here after reading all the warning signs. There is always some kid screaming bloody murder during the show and this time is no exception. What’s that little aliens name that gets fried in the beginning....Skippy?....It looks like they don’t fry the little guy as bad as they used to. Then to Buzz.....I get 278,000 while Jane gets her poor pitiful little 24,000. I AM a space ranger!!! I’m not really sure if that score equates to space ranger, I just like the way it sounds. COP is supposed to open at 10, but it’s 9:45 and I see CM’s over there....We approach and ask if they are open and they tell us to come on in. We are the first ones in and there ends up being about 20 people in our theater. We are in the second row and when the theater turns I look left and see that the next door theater is almost full!!! After COP, we are thru with Tomorrowland for today. We decide to skip Fantasyland, remember, no kids here.

Arriving at HOP they inform us it’s 15 minutes until the next show. We head over to HM, where, of course, the posted 13 minute wait is a walk on. We don’t even stop walking, we head right into the stretch room....Pausing outside JUST long enough to see that new headstone look at us. COOL. Then we walk right into HOP, sit down, and the show starts immediately. Of course I lean over to Jane and say, “That robot sounds just like George Bush”. She’s lived with me for 15 years, however, so these idiotic comments get no reaction from her.

When we come out of HOP, suddenly, it hits me like a wet kiss on the end of a hot fist...I FORGOT TO CHANGE THE ICE IN THE BEER TRASH CAN. Uh oh. We need to get back to AKL, post haste.

Actually, it’s now like 10:30 and we’ve done all the highlights we had planned for this park. Jane decides she doesn’t want to go on Splash.....Even though I kind of want to, she still has nagging memories of getting soaked to the bone FIRST thing in the morning on SM last month and walking around looking like a wet rat all day. We head towards the front of the park, of course stopping in every shop on the right side of Main St while leaving.

The bus arrives in 2 minutes, but it takes the better part of 10 minutes for the driver to load some poor guy in a wheelchair who has a broken ankle. It looked like it might have been the drivers first experience with a wheelchair. The guys wife stood watching this take forever. I have to say the process MAY have been speeded up just a tad if the guy had removed his 10 year old daughter from his lap, but that’s just idle speculation.

It’s back to the Lodge in no time and up to the room. I do the ice maintenance, and what the heck, as long as I’m messing with the beer, I may as well have one. That MK is one thirsty place, I’ll tell ya. Sure, Walt wanted somewhere that little Johnny’s dad would have to lay off the sauce for a few hours, but gosh, give it a rest. Let’s open a microbrewery in the castle!!! I’m not saying we need lap dancing at Casey’s Corner or anything, but a cool refreshing Bud Light sure would taste good while walking up Main St.

As long as I’m doing Ice maintenance, I head down to Zawadi to spend....um....$7.61. Then we have to go to AK. I think this park is in a tie with MGM for being my favorite park. It’s a short ride and we’re there in no time. We approach the security tables, and I walk on thru then turn to wait and watch for Jane. Well, here she comes, right behind me. OOPS, I’M carrying the backpack.....LOL....I’m not usually carrying it and I didn’t realize and buzzed right on through the line. It was about that time that 7 heavily armed plainclothes security officers pounced on me and wrestled me to the ground. Kidding, nobody even noticed. Darn, today was the perfect opportunity to sneak contraband into AK. You know....straws, plastic drink lids....

Rather than go back and be searched, we just continued on. Headed straight for Safari and obtained 2 FastPass. Then we went over towards Maharaji Jungle Treck. We have never done this before because it seems EVERY time we have approached it in the past we have been doing something forbidden while trying to enter. Like eating an ice cream cone...or, even more likely, drinking a beer. No food or drink allowed in here folks. This time I plan it so we are ok to enter. Of course part of this plan required us to watch the end of Kali River Rapids for awhile while I finished my beverage.

This place is neat. HUGE bats, tigers, all kinds of birds. Neat place to walk through. I love watching the people who try to walk through places like this as fast as possible. They walk up to the bat window...Stop for like 1 second, then continue to the tiger window, stop for 2 and a half seconds...and keep walking. If I had a beer in my hand, someone would have probably grabbed it as they ran by, poured it over their head, crushed and dropped the cup......Like a marathon runner.

After MJT we went to Dinoland to get a FP for Dinosaur. While here we decided to get something to eat. We had never done Restorantosauras before, and after Jane assured me that the burgers aren’t McDonalds, just the fries, I agreed to try it. I haven’t had a McDonalds burger in over 20 years and I ain’t starting now. The line in this joint is 10 deep at all 5 registers, 2 lines on either side of each register. I pick a line and Jane goes to find a seat. She comes back like 5 minutes later to inform me she found a seat at the back of the restaurant. I’m waiting, waiting, waiting. This place is burgers and fries and drinks....Everyone working here is efficient and work together like a well oiled, (greasy), machine. But, there’s just so many folks here that all you can do is try to be patient. The guy next to me is going to be going to the same cashier as me. I look at the back and forth and figure that he will be before me, drat, and he got in line after me....oh well. After 15 minutes or so...By the way, there’s really nothing to look at here but other people and the menu. We are packed in like sardines and everyone has their head tilted up reading “Burgers, Fries, Drinks”...Over and over and over again....I am memorizing that menu so I can give my order as quickly as possible. Guynexttome is next in line. He orders 3 burgers with fries and some sort of dessert item. The cashier then asks a question that totally flummoxes him....”What would you like to drink”? I gotta tell you, his face looked like she asked, “Whats 87 times 208.4”? I saw this coming...He froze up. I felt like I should reach out and just tap him on the back of the head...a tap like you’d do to a record player that is stuck and skipping. But, before I could do that, he came out with the dreaded words I feared most. Now, this guy just spent 20 minutes reading the menu, and he says.....”What do you have”? “What do you have”?, he says. Like her response is going to be something like....”Celery guava cocktail, virgin colada cooler spritzers, or, Dinotopia Grapeaid on the rocks”. The cashier looks as though she has seen this type of behavior before....She calmly goes thru the item by item list of COKE PRODUCTS, WATER, MILK, COFFEE, ORANGE OR APPLE JUICE, TEA, BUD LIGHT (PERK), SAFARI AMBER. After she goes thru this entire list, you know what he said...c’mon, you know.....”3 Cokes”. FINALLY, I’m next in line....”2 cheeseburgers with fries, a Coke and a Bud Light, largest you have”, ($19.37). Finished, wheeeeew. After I get my food, I am reminded again why I don’t like eating at places where standing of any kind is required. I am walking around with this tray of food. Ok, she said she was in the back of the restaurant. When I walked in I walked straight into the line. Soooo, I figure if I walk in the opposite direction of the front door, I’ll find the back of the restaurant. I’m wrong....After walking into the men’s room with my food I realize something is amiss. So I wander for awhile. Poking around, looking in various rooms. Just generally enjoying the layout of this high class McDonalds. Then I do what I KNOW is wrong, but I do it anyway. I go towards the FRONT of the restaurant. What do ya know?.....I find Jane in a room off the main room in the very front of the place. Huh. Well, I’ll be. It’s about time for a good blow up. We sit there for a few minutes debating the meanings of “front” & “back”. In order to end this heated debate, I finally acquiesce to Jane’s meaning of the words. I then tell her to wipe her mouth, as she has mustard on the back of her head.

The fixin’s bar in this joint is something else, huh? I saw people getting 2 pounds of mushrooms to put on a 1/3 pound burger. Would you like a 55 gallon drum of ketchup for those fries? I swear some people were filling up Zip-loc bags. I know when I’m sitting around the hotel at night, I enjoy nothing more than dipping into a bag of cold, soggy mushrooms and onions. Ummmm, Ummmm gooooood.

Then it’s off to the Safari, of course stopping to see ITTBAB on the way....I think it’s my fave 3-D movie at WDW and it was stinky as always. As we approached the safari loading dock, a CM diverted us into the handicapped loading area and we got in the last 2 remaining seats, front row, and drove off. Our guide was Jacques, and he was by far the best, funniest, wittiest guide we’ve ever had on this attraction.

About 1 minute after disembarking the safari....The skies OPENED UP on us. On go the ponchos. Luckily we were within easy reach of the Dawa Bar. We walk thru ankle deep water to get there, and many, many other people had the same idea. Off come the ponchos. All the tables are taken, so of course I walk up to a younger couple and ask if I can share their table. Jane’s not much for table sharing, but I want to sit down as I don’t know just how long we’ll be held hostage at this BAR. No Bud Light here. I can’t remember what kind of beer I ordered, but it was about $100. The couple we were sitting with informed us that they were sick of the rain. They told us they had been rained on non-stop for the past 4 days. We found this just a tad unusual as we had been here for the past 2 full days and while there has been rain, it has been minimal. Actually, it seemed everyone we talked to complained about the non stop rain. I guess if you get soaked once at the end of the day though, the feeling is the same as if it had rained all day. After maybe 45 minutes, we decide to put the ponchos back on and walk thru the slackening rain to the bus stop. There was LOTS of folks with the same idea. Luckily though, very few seemed to be going to the AKL. Everyone at the bus stop was at least very moist, and at most, soaked. We took off our ponchos under the bus stop cover and folded them up. Getting on the bus, we sat down and waited maybe 5 minutes for more people to fill the bus up. A lady stood right next to me and started taking off her poncho, I looked up at her and said, “Hey, be careful, you’re getting water everywhere”....lol...She got this look of fire in her eyes before I smiled and laughed....Luckily, she laughed too.

Quick trip back to AKL and up to the room, after the Zawadi stop!

Tesabat
07-09-2002, 11:11 AM
I have to say - I hit the Trip Reports board, wondering if you would have another installment! And then sat here - alone - laughing out loud.

I am LOVING your reports! There's nothing so funny as the candid truth...The marathon runner analogy still has me chuckling. :)

jennymouse
07-09-2002, 11:21 AM
Another great trip report! My laugh of the day!:D

Micca
07-09-2002, 02:34 PM
Another terrific installment. Thanks for the effort.

yesdisneyfool
07-09-2002, 03:38 PM
Bob, after reading and laughing and reading and laughing it's time to log off and go home and get one of those $100 beers in the fridge that cost 90% less at home. Thanks

swankybeth
07-09-2002, 03:46 PM
Great report! I LOLed throughout. Looking forward to the next installment. :)

Tinkbell
07-09-2002, 06:30 PM
Glad to see another installment.:)

elemusing
07-09-2002, 11:22 PM
Bob - you are hilarious! You really should write something and send it to the Disney magazine. I bet they would publish it. You are a gifted story teller.

Thanks for the laughs!

angie

hunnypotmama
07-10-2002, 05:48 AM
Great story Bob! Did you ever tell me if you're fan of Spenser books? That's who you remind me of...come to think of it, the writer of those books is Robert Parker, hey, are you HIM?

hunnypotmama

the Legend
07-10-2002, 08:29 AM
I had been waiting for your next release so I was glad to see this part finally make the forum.

Great writing and I love your sense of humor.
Youve definitely set a standard for the rest of us to follow.
Thanks for the excellent reports.

AnnaE4
07-10-2002, 12:41 PM
Too funny! You should write for a sitcom tv show!

Denise

tarabl
07-10-2002, 08:11 PM
Waited what seemed like forever for this report. When's the next one. You are too funny.

CarolynK
07-10-2002, 09:26 PM
I have to say I, too, have been awaiting part 7. I read the first six to my husband the other night, with both of us laughing out loud. Thanks:D

jgates
07-10-2002, 09:47 PM
Well Bob, I laughed so loud my son had to increase the TV volume in the other room!

erikthewise
07-11-2002, 08:51 AM
Disney Magazine?! Doesn't seem quite right. I'd try Rolling Stone first!

Pirate Mickey
07-12-2002, 02:39 PM
Thanks for catching us up on your WDW escapade. I've missed your special humor. Keep 'em coming!

Tina26
07-12-2002, 07:54 PM
I've just found your trip reports Bob and have been sitting here for I don't know how long reading from begining to end. I'm ready for part 8 now!:) :)

Tina:D

WilmaBud
07-13-2002, 05:53 AM
LOL!! You're a riot! I'm enjoying your trip reports so much. You are, indeed, a gifted storyteller.

kimmar067
07-13-2002, 01:19 PM
...you definitely qualify as a SPACE R-A-N-G-E-R (or is that space-y ranger???)

I loved the part about the"back of your DW's head" ~~ too funny!

WhispyPixie
07-13-2002, 02:47 PM
Hey Bob.....

great report...didn't I tell you to hit the back of the blue or red robots hand ??? (i forget which one) whichever is the first robot on the left...to get like TONSSS of points....think like..100,000 each hit..lol...shessh you..roger and all the beer......just dont set up the brewery in the castle..it will ruin my view..lol..unless you can make smirnoff ice too..:) love ya!

Crichton
07-13-2002, 05:02 PM
Part 8? ;)

luvmy2sams
07-13-2002, 05:46 PM
Thanks for the reports, Bob! You've had me laughing so hard that my husband came to check on me to make sure that I was okay. Can't wait for the next installment! :D

Deb8821
07-13-2002, 09:55 PM
I too was looking forward to your next installment. I can't help laughing! Your sense of humer is terrific. Thanks for making my day!!

dznyfan40
07-21-2002, 07:46 PM
Bob,

Excellent trip reports, I've sat and read them all tonight, and laughed so hard! Fabulously entertaining. I'm looking forward to #8, and more. I hope you get to WDW again real soon just so we can read your reports!

Thanks very much,

Beth

Debbie
07-21-2002, 08:28 PM
Bob? Bob? Bob! We're waiting!

Ballybunion3
07-22-2002, 09:59 AM
To the Grand Maharashi of all Trip Reporters, you have raised
the bar to new levels.

You are the Tiger Woods of Trip Reporting and all Disney Knowledge.

Sorry Bob - don't mean to minimize your talents, but Tiger was the only one that comes close............


Yours very respectfully,

Dan

chrisn
07-23-2002, 02:28 PM
I'm one of those annoying gals that only read the trip reports and not post a reply. I know, I know, I know I'm not the only one. I'm just not afraid to admit it. I do however post my own trip reports for other DISers to read but I just had to say that your a really funny guy Bob. I am totally digging these reports and now have to find the rest that I have not read. Thanks for a laugh today!

Kenbar
07-28-2002, 11:35 AM
C'mon Bob. Everyone's waiting for #8!!!

Ken

zurgswife
07-28-2002, 10:13 PM
Great Trip report.....Bennet and I were reading simultaiously(sp) and began laughing out loud at the same parts......


They are very amusing.....Keep writing....

zurgswife
07-28-2002, 10:13 PM
Great Trip report.....Bennet and I were reading simultaiously(sp) and began laughing out loud at the same parts......


They are very amusing.....Keep writing....

Catzeyes
07-30-2002, 09:30 AM
Your trip reports are great!! Right up there with Dixie Amos and Dave from the frozen north. By the way it's soda here in Wisconsin now lol.

SamanthaL
07-30-2002, 10:37 AM
I hope Bob is alright:( . It's been along time since he wrote his last report.:eek:

Boo'sMom
07-30-2002, 10:55 AM
great report....my only wish is that you'd have included the links for prior installments in your report....search is disabled now...and I hate reading from back to front....except in Cosmo...LOL


Again, great report

Lynn CC
08-13-2002, 01:44 PM
I love these reports!

I had to LOL at the man that ordered the 3 Cokes!!! That is just too funny:)

Thanks for taking the time to post these.

nativetxn
10-29-2002, 12:41 PM
I can’t remember what kind of beer I ordered, but it was about $100

LOL, you are so funny. I'm laughing so much my dog is looking at me as though I've lost my mind!

Thanks for posting this it was fun to read.

Katholyn

QJ411
10-29-2002, 02:24 PM
Originally posted by elemusing
Bob - you are hilarious! You really should write something and send it to the Disney magazine. I bet they would publish it. You are a gifted story teller.



I have to agree! He's hilarious!:teeth:

UncleKyle
03-26-2003, 11:21 PM
Another great one! The story about the guests and the rain is so funny. And so true!vBut I will say in some of there defense...sometimes a cloud will pass over a park and skip all the others...when I worked at MGM it rained many times on the park and it would never rain on my roomate at MK :rolleyes: that Florida rain is crazy!

CarolynU
04-02-2003, 02:35 PM
Another laugh out loud for me. Know what you mean about the fixins bar. All I ever want is some cheese sauce for my fries, and waiting in line for hours behind people creating their very own food mountain while my burger and fries goes stone cold is just a bit wearying.

TwingleMum
04-05-2003, 09:27 PM
Your killing me, Bob. I have infant twin sons who I just fed and decided I would relax & surf for a few secs before getting some zzz's till nxt feeding. Well now I'm hooked and will be more sleep deprived b/c I have to read other 6 reports now. Thanks???LOL

BlueFairy
07-24-2003, 10:30 PM
Am I the only one who cracked up over the Lourdes comment? Hysterical. But then, I'm Catholic.
Anyway, I totally agree about those MJT marathoners. Saw them at Panganini too, but they're the worst in the aviary at Maharajah. What do they think they will see in 2.5 seconds, anyway?
Thanks for the reports. Great reading.

Minniespal
07-25-2003, 02:40 AM
Thanks for sharing ~ Wonderful reviews!!!!!