My husband's journey with brain cancer.... Happy Thanksgiving to all!

[seaprincess]

I am very sad to report that my dear husband Benjamin of 13 years passed away Monday afternoon after a 14 month struggle with brain cancer. He fought very hard until his last breath. I have been unable to bring myself to the message boards because of my sadness, but as the funeral and wake approach, I feel more at peace that he is no longer struggling.

For all of you who have shown compassion and shared in our journey, thanks for lending an ear and a hug. I am so inspired to do more research for Brain cancer that I am thinking of switching careers. I only hope that one day, there will be a cure.

My darling husband Benjamin is now sleeping with the angels:littleangel::littleangel:. Rest in Peace my darling.

Benjamin Huffman October 1968-September 2009. I love you~:hug:

[Tracy041500]

I'm really sorry. Prayers coming your way.

[safetymom]

I am so sorry for your loss. Please try to take comfort in your memories. I will keep you both in my prayers.

[antmaril]

I am so very sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers during this very difficult time. :hug:

[Mackey Mouse]

I am truly sorry to read this.. please come here if you need to talk anytime, we are here for you. May he rest in peace and that you find peace as well knowing he is no longer suffering..
Marsha

[luvmarypoppins]

Lisa, I am so sorry to hear the news about your precious Ben. I pray Gods peace and comfort for you in the days ahead. May you take comfort in knowing your dh is at peace now and when your heart is heavy think of all your wonderful disney memories too. Blessings to you always.

[goldcupmom]

Praying for you & all your family during this difficult time.:hug:

[kdzgon]

Prayers and hugs to you - and remember, it's ok to once in a while say "the heck with all that stuff about 'he's better off' - I miss him and it's not fair!". And don't feel guilty about those moments, either!

You cannot think that way 24/7 or you will waste your life away as well, but gosh darn it, everyone is entitled to acknowledge those feelings too once in a while! I do ultimately believe in the idea of a "greater plan" but I figure we don't always have to be happy about all the steps along the way, either...

[CarolynU]

No words can describe what you are going through. My heart goes out to you. My thoughts are with you at this sad time.

[dogodisney]

I am so sorry. I have been thinking about you. Thank you for taking the time to update us.

May God Bless You and give you strength and peace.

:hug:

[kathie859]

I am very sorry for your loss. I can't begin to imagine how you must feel. Prayers for Ben--and for you.

[minkydog]

Oh my! such a young man. This is too, too sad. :grouphug:

[j's m]

I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

[CarolAnnC]

My deepest sympathies on the loss of your beloved husband. Please know we are here for you...hugs.

[ScrapperBelle]

:grouphug: I am so sorry. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.:grouphug:

[LisaMayTX]

I am so sorry for your loss! I also lost my husband to cancer - last month to kidney cancer. I understand exactly how you're feeling - God bless you!

Lisa

[EyoreFANS12]

I am very sorry for your loss. My friends father died September 19, 2008 from brain cancer last year.

[amandamc8]

I just wanted to offer my condolences... I'm so sorry that your journey together has ended in such a way. My husband was born just a few weeks after Benjamin, it is so unfair for ones so young...

And thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my post about my husband and for your kind offer of support. Miles fights a different form of the vicious beast - yet here we are in such similar circumstances...

I hope that in time you are able to find some peace :grouphug:

Amanda xxx

[Deesknee]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I pray you feel wisps of angel wings that help your heavy heart feel lighter.

[hegs65]

I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

[karen l]

Lisa, please accept my condolences & prayers for your family. I also lost my husband to cancer & I know how traumatic it is. As difficult as this is, at least you know he's no longer suffering. Wishing you & your family peace. God Bless.:grouphug:

[MagicMe]

So sorry to hear about your loss. :grouphug:

[kimis]

So very sorry. You all are in my prayers.

[my2boysrtwicethefun]

I'm so sorry for your loss. :hug:

[minniebeth]

My deepest sympathies go out to you. I am so so sorry to hear of your loss. :grouphug::grouphug:

[Mskanga]

I am so sorry about your loss , my friend's daughter also died from brain cancer at age 16 last april , my daughter and her were classmates and it's very difficult to do anything without thinking of her , especially because my daughter had cancer as well at the same time.
I am glad that he is no longer suffering but I am heartbroken for you. {{{hugs}}}

[seaprincess]

Thank you all so very much for your thoughts and prayers. This past two weeks have been the most difficult time of my life. I have tried to stay strong, but after the planning, the funeral and everyone went home, I must say I feel so alone.

I returned to work very quickly for mainitaining routine. I find myself not wanting to leave work because I know I have to go home to an empty house. This past weekend was the most difficult as I walked around and did not know what to tackle first. My energy is so drained and although I did some work I feel as it was a small blip in the grand scheme of things.

I miss my DH more than I ever could have imagined. I would give everything up for one more moment. I am sure you all have heard it before. I keep praying that he will let me know he is okay and at peace. I know that sounds silly but I feel like it will pacify my soul.

I decided to go forward with my plans to go on our scheduled vacation, a Disney Cruise, on the Wonder in December. It would have been our 14th wedding anniversary. I thought there was no better way to honor his memory. Perhaps by then, I can use the time wisely to reflect and heal while at sea. I am nervous about traveling alone as Ben and I did everything together. I guess I need to put on my "big girl pants" and give it a shot.

Thank you all for your continued support!:hug::hug:

Please make sure that you hug your loved ones everyday, tell them you love them and never take life for grantite. Make each day count!!:love:

[sarasotamom]

First of all. a great big hug..:hug:My husband was diagnosed with adenocarcinoma of the small intestine in early June..My life has been a rollercoaster ever since.I have been with him since I was 15 years old. He is my best friend, lover, soulmate, and my prince charming. I am crying right now, as I read your story. We too, do everything together. I have been with him for 37 years.

He is in remission right now, but there is always that next PET scan. May God help you as you go through your grief. I am sending good thoughts and prayers to you.:hug:

[MinnieGal]

I am so sorry for you loss. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers :hug:

[Ember]

My heart aches for you, I am so very sorry. :sad1::hug:

[dee47]

:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

[AnnaS]

:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::grouphug:

[seaprincess]

Thank you all so much for your hugs, thoughts and prayers. It broke my heart to read Marsha's post just now that her dear husband passed away from pancreatic cancer. I despise the "C" word right now. Too many good people are fighting so hard but yet the cancer wins almost every time.

This past weekend would have been Ben's 41st birthday. I went to the cemetary, bought a beautiful Mum and placed it at his graveside and sat on a blanket and talked to him for awhile. It felt so awkward because a year ago he was just home from rehab and improving. Life just does not seem fair. I guess I just miss him.

I am told that this will be the year of "firsts". With the holidays coming, I am apprehensive as to how I will handle them. I hope and pray that God will give me the strength to get through. I will remember and honor Ben as often as I can.

Once again, thank you for all your support and kind thoughts. It has been helpful to come to the DisBoards to share thoughts, feelings, accomplishments, frustrations and most recently grief.

Please take care, Lisa:grouphug::littleangel::grouphug:

[Elfstar]

Please accept my sympathies for your loss. :hug: I'm here in NC too, my husband passed from ALS in January. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to pm or e-mail me.

It still seems odd, after 9 months, that Jim's not here; I keep on going (I understand about not wanting to leave work at the end of the day) because - just because sometimes. Coming home alone isn't as bad as it could be because I have several pets - that's comforting because they don't let me feel like I'm alone. Some days are easier than others to get through; I try to do things with friends sometimes but, as much as I enjoy their company, that seems odd, too. Guess it'll just take more time. I've been back to Disney a couple of times, I feel very close to him there because we had such fun every time we went.

This board is wonderful, we all agree there. It's nice to have a place to talk where we know people will understand.

[Jenvenza]

I am so sorry about your dear husband. He was so young. I cannot even imagine. :hug:

I found this today, becuase I found out today my friend and co-worker's 8 yo daughter was diagnosed with brain cancer two weeks ago. They have given her 9 months to live. It is such a terrible disease and it just isnt fair.

My thoughts are with you. :hug:

[seaprincess]

I just responded to a post regarding a little 8 year old girl fighting this horrible disease. My husband was a happy, healthy 39 year old man when he was diagnosed with brain cancer~with no warning. On July 28, 2008 he went to work at at 11am, he complained of a massive headache and quickly lost the ability to speak and was thought to have had a stroke. Ben was rushed to Duke Hospital where they found a huge mass in his brain that moved one of the hemispheres over so far that he just had one. Miraculously he was able to function and never complained although he must have been suffering horrendous headaches and other symptoms. He was just that way, selfless, caring and always worried about me . Because the crainial pressure and fluid in his brain was so great, he was unsconsious for three days before they resected his tumor. In the interim, his memories were erased, his congnitive ability reduced to that of a young adult, and his ability to speak and connect words was so limited. If it was not for the capable hands of Dr. Alan Friedman, I may never have seen my sweet Ben again. That day, our lives changed in an instant and life would never be the same again. His strength and courage through his difficult journey gave me the ability to stay strong and support him. Now that my "strength" and driving force is gone, I am not sure how to keep going.

There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of him, miss him and when I walk in the door I expect to see him sitting in bed waiting for me to cook dinner. I have shed more tears than I could ever imagine and would give everything up for just one more hour, minute or day with him.

What is even sadder is that my support system is gone. My family has not called to check on me since the funeral and most of my friends tiptoe around me. I can only tell people to please be there for your friends not just during the funeral but they need you more after the dust settles. My heart used to be so full and now it is so empty. I go through the daily motions of life; I work, come home, eat dinner, walk the dog and go to bed. I just exist. I am not sure what "normal" is and pray that time will heal wounds. Because my husband could not speak or communicate, we never had the "good-bye" that so many have been lucky to have when a loved one dies. Luckily I was with him when he passed and wished he could have said I love you or good-bye. It plays like a recording in my head and wish I had said so much more and that I knew he could hear and understand me. Every night I pray he comes to me in a dream just to tell me he is no longer in pain and his spirit free to fly. I am still waiting and hoping. I miss him so.

I am so glad for these boards and the support it has offered. It makes me terribly sad to hear more news of brain cancer that affects a sweet 8 year old girl. The pain is more than one can bare knowing what that family must being going through. I only hope that one day there will be a breakthrough in cancer research that can spare the lives of human beings.

God Bless and have a good evening. ~Lisa

[minniebeth]

Oh Lisa, just reading your post wants to make me hug you tightly and say that everything will be ok. I know it's not, and I'm so sorry that not only are you grieving the loss of your husband, but of your support system as well.
I have always tried to make a conscious effort to be there for friends and family well after the dust has settled. I pray that you may find the support you need.
You are in my thoughts and prayers often :hug:

[seaprincess]

Minniebeth,

Thanks so much for your thoughts and prayers. It means more than you know. I keep praying too, every night, for peace of mind. Have a nice evening and God Bless you.

Lisa:hug:

[dogodisney]

:hug: I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through.
Maybe in time you can get involved doing something with brain cancer awareness or be some type of support for others dealing with it.

In the meantime keep coming here. You can cry, vent, scream, whatever you need to do.

May God Bless You with peace and strength.

[frdeb1999]

So very sorry on the loss of your beloved husband Lisa. I don't get on here as much as I used to....but hugs to you.:hug:

[C.Ann]

I'm so very sorry..:hug:

[Jenvenza]

:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

You know we are here if you ever want to talk about your hisband or anything else, Lisa.

[Coach K]

My wife passed away over 7 months ago from cancer and it hasn't been easy. I know the emotions that you are dealing with. But the one thing that has helped me is my family-specifically my SIL. She helped my wife when I had to be at work and she was in hospice (my wife wanted to do hospice at home) and called me every few days after my wife passed away. Maybe you could join a support group. Someone from the hospice program my wife was in calls every couple of months to see how I am doing. The second thing my wife said to me away the cancer diagnosis was that she had to find me a young chickee!! She said the same thing 2 weeks before she passed-that she still hadn't found a young chickee for me!! She told me not to sit around the house and feel sorry for myself (she knew me better than I did)-that I had to get out and do things. I'll tell you what I told her the day that she passed-that you have to look at this as a new adventure in your life; know that there is nothing you can do about the past and what has happened and that you have to look to the future and its' possibilities.
:grouphug:

[daisy2jae]

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

[seaprincess]

Good Morning Everyone,

I have not been on the boards in a few days and just read some of your replies. You all have been wonderful to lift my spirits and offer words of encouragement! Thank you!

Coach K~a very popular Coach's name in this area!(although I am a Tarheel fan:)). Thank you for sharing your story. My husband Ben was also at home with Hospice and he was able to stay there until two weeks before his death when he went into the ICU. Like your dear wife, he constantly encouraged me to keep living and learning about life. I just don't think anyone can prepare you for the sadness/emptiness you feel once the love of your life is gone. You are lucky to have "that person",in your Sister in Law. It takes a special person to reach out and check on you. I wish I had that with one of my family members. Suprisingly enough, there are several people on this board who have reached out to me privately and offered a shoulder and an ear. For that I feel truly blessed.

I am supposed to go to Walt Disney World this weekend to Food and Wine Festival at Epcot. I debated and deliberated all weekend, should I go, will I feel out of place although I will be with friends. WDW was "our magical place". We got engaged there, renewed our vows there two years ago and spent our honeymoon there in '95. After much debate and a lot of good advice from friends and coworkers, I think I need to go and get away. My hope is that his spirit will be with me and I will somehow feel connected to him if only in my heart and mind. Life is so precious and I do want to make each moment count. I need to learn to step outside the box and make a fresh start. This is a tall order but I know that is what Ben wanted me to do.

Thank you all a million times. This board has given me hope, strength, support and so much more than I can ever put into words. Have a magical day!!:grouphug:

Lisa:flower3:

[safetymom]

I too was given a gift by my late husband. My husband's death was sudden and unexpected. The surgery that was supposed to be a tune up killed him.

He had mentioned before he went into the hospital that if anything were to happen that I should go on living. He said to be sad for a year or so and then go on living. If I didn't he would be sad. I told him nothing was going to happen but I would remember that.

It was such a blessing after his death because I didn't need to guess what his feelings were. That brought me comfort.

Life did go on, the pain got softer but you never forget. I wish all of you well that are dealing with the death of a spouse.

[Coach K]

Go and spend the weekend at WDW. At first I'm sure it will be emotional but you will remember all of the good things that happened there. My brother and his crew were there last month and took 4 of my late wife's memorial cards and hid them around the parks. I can't wait to schedule a trip and try to find them to see if they are still there!! It will be tough, but if I find one it will put a big smile on my face. :)

[DisneyFairytale]

You have heard it a millions times, but I'm really sorry for your loss. You are one tough lady. Disney and Disneyland are close to my heart because of the amount of emotional stresses I have been thru with my health. The park has always brought me to build great and memorable memories every time I have gone despite life's challenges.

I have no doubt in my mind, he will be with you on your trip :goodvibes after all who can stay away from Disneyland.

Much love with you and your family :)

[dogodisney]

I hope you have decided to go and if so have a fantastic trip. :goodvibes :hug:

[LisaMayTX]

Lisa - I had to write and tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I lost my husband to kidney cancer in August. I'm also planning a trip to WDW - our kids are 17 & 16 and this was going to be our last trip to WDW before our daughter graduated from high school. Please keep in touch - when I sign my name, you'll understand why I wanted to touch base. Please take care of yourself...

[seaprincess]

Good Morning Everyone,

I wanted to take a moment to wish everyone on this Board a very Happy & safe Thanksgiving. It has been a year full of challanges, ups, downs and losses for many of us. Since September, I have experienced many "firsts" and tomorrow will be my first Thanksgiving alone; a celebration that held so much meaning for us. I am not sure emotionally what tomorrow is going to feel like when I wake up and know that he will not be in the kitchen cooking as has been tradition since we first met or at the dinner table. (My dear husband was a chef). Although Ben is no longer here with me, I am thankful we had 14 beautiful months together. His spirit continues to carry me through each day and has helped me with the healing process.

To Mackey Mouse and amandamc8, I will be thinking of you tomorrow. You both had wonderful,courageous men in your lives and I hope you are doing well. To all, thank you so much for giving me a place to come and share my life, thoughts, pains and inner most thoughts. It has been the best medicine anyone could prescribe.

Have a Magical Day!:grouphug:

With Love,

Lisa

[DisneyFairytale]

Thank you all so very much for your thoughts and prayers. This past two weeks have been the most difficult time of my life. I have tried to stay strong, but after the planning, the funeral and everyone went home, I must say I feel so alone.

I returned to work very quickly for mainitaining routine. I find myself not wanting to leave work because I know I have to go home to an empty house. This past weekend was the most difficult as I walked around and did not know what to tackle first. My energy is so drained and although I did some work I feel as it was a small blip in the grand scheme of things.

I miss my DH more than I ever could have imagined. I would give everything up for one more moment. I am sure you all have heard it before. I keep praying that he will let me know he is okay and at peace. I know that sounds silly but I feel like it will pacify my soul.

I decided to go forward with my plans to go on our scheduled vacation, a Disney Cruise, on the Wonder in December. It would have been our 14th wedding anniversary. I thought there was no better way to honor his memory. Perhaps by then, I can use the time wisely to reflect and heal while at sea. I am nervous about traveling alone as Ben and I did everything together. I guess I need to put on my "big girl pants" and give it a shot.

Thank you all for your continued support!:hug::hug:

Please make sure that you hug your loved ones everyday, tell them you love them and never take life for grantite. Make each day count!!:love:


Good for you! and you better be having a lot of fun out there for him, yourself and US!

I have no idea what you are going thru, but I am going to be praying for you. You are one incredible lady, to have gone thru all this and managing so well. He must be so proud of you and must have a good giggle knowing you are still going on the cruise and going to have a blast.

Good for you, you should be proud of yourself. Much love from Canada.

[seaprincess]

Thanks so much Disney Fairytale....your comments really made me smile! I have been a bit nervous about traveling, but this really "hit home" and will give me the strength to follow through and enjoy my time at WDW and on the Disney Wonder!

The board truly inspires me more than I can ever imagine! Much love to you from North Carolina!!:hug: