Why does the unexpected have to hurt so much???

[buzz for boys]

It was my best friends birthday today and I arranged a surprise meal for her. Everything was fine and i was having a laugh watching her squirm blowing candles out on her cake. :rotfl2:
Then the conversation turned to our kids and 3 of us all have the same age kids when they started to talk about their kids that are the same age as cam it hit me like a ton of bricks just how different cameron is and how he would never be able to do or say the things they were relating to !!!
I love him to death for being him but suddenly i realsised just how out of place he must be in school and on the playground.The 1 mum said that her son has to play wth cam because the teacher tells him too but he doesnt like playing with him because cam wont play his games.
It breaks my heart to know this how other kids see him - sorry for the vent just want to get it out and stop my head exploding x
louise x

[Chilly]

Sending you a huge hug :hug:

[jen_uk]

Sending you a big hug :hug:

[mandymouse]

:hug: Sending you a big hug hun

[natalielongstaff]

:hug:

[jjk]

:hug: for you

[TinkTatoo]

We tend get on with our lives and "forget" that our kids are any different from every other kid out there but then something like this comes along and it hits you like a ton of bricks and you're faced with the reality. Just sending tons of :hug:

[Tinks1984]

Sometimes children can be so cruel and don't learn enough about others difficulities in school if you ask me. I believe sometimes it would help for them to know that children are all the same, some just take a longer time to learn and do different activities.

If they spent half as much time teaching 'real life' things, as they do numeracy and literacy then I believe the world would be a better place for it!

:hug: for you

[Jets fan]

Sending you and Cam lots and lots of :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

Tina

[Pegasus928]

I can 100% relate to this.
DS is now 14 and in main stream school. We have had a constant battle on our hands to get him statemented since primary school but always get passed from one persons responsibility to another. We didn't help the situation by moving to Kuwait for a year as it took him out of the system - then when we moved back it was like everyone was against us.
We know that Brad has a really tough time of it at school. There are a couple of kids who see him as their daily target, and the stories he tells us about what has been said and done breaks our hearts. We have told the school, who insist they have dealt with the problem, yet still it continues. Yesterday he came home and told his Mum that he was being called names in the class and the teacher was stood there smirking. That isn't something that we are prepared to put up with so will be dealing with it straight away.
Please know that you are not alone out there, and that we all feel helpess when it comes to what happens to our children at school - especially those of us who have children that are more vulnerable than most.
If Cam is anything like Brad once he walks through the door everything about school is forgotten, and he feels safe, secure and happy again. I suppose that is one good thing about his condition - he doesnt dwell on things too much, and his lack of empathy for anyone or anything seems to apply to himself as well ;)

As we have said before come on here and vent as much as you need. It's what we're here for

[Jets fan]

[QUOTE=Pegasus928;33581185]I can 100% relate to this.
DS is now 14 and in main stream school. We have had a constant battle on our hands to get him statemented since primary school but always get passed from one persons responsibility to another. (Quote)


I have a friend who went through hell to get her daughter statemented as nobody seemed willing to listen. In the end she went to her local MP and church. They both helped and within 3 months Zoe had her statement. The MP was a great help.

Good luck

Tina

[Snowy-girls]

Sending a big :hug:.x.

[orlandothebeagle]

:flower3::flower3::flower3::flower3: Try not to worry and think of the good things, poor you, bet that stung.


My cousins son is very special, he started going to main stream school 2 years ago, he is 13, he loves it, his Mum was saying how great he is, she almosts forgets that he is special, he is adroable and so loving by the way.

He got "life" lessons at school last week.

At the weekend he wasnt feeling well and his mum took him to bed to keep an eye on him. They said good night and asked for a cuddle, 2 minutes later he asked if they could have ** not sure it will get deleted*** anyway she was so upset, tried to have another chat about it to him, she is so worried about him, it must be tough.

[wils]

:hug:

[higgy66]

It was my best friends birthday today and I arranged a surprise meal for her. Everything was fine and i was having a laugh watching her squirm blowing candles out on her cake. :rotfl2:
Then the conversation turned to our kids and 3 of us all have the same age kids when they started to talk about their kids that are the same age as cam it hit me like a ton of bricks just how different cameron is and how he would never be able to do or say the things they were relating to !!!
I love him to death for being him but suddenly i realsised just how out of place he must be in school and on the playground.The 1 mum said that her son has to play wth cam because the teacher tells him too but he doesnt like playing with him because cam wont play his games.
It breaks my heart to know this how other kids see him - sorry for the vent just want to get it out and stop my head exploding x
louise x


I'm sorry but am I the only one that is appalled at the Mum telling you about her child not wanting to play with yours? Is she a close friend?

I have several friends that I've made through my DDs and one has a daughter that can (occasionally) be bossy and manipulative but I encourage my DDs to continue to involve her in their games and choose games where everyone has an equal role. I would never dream of telling my friend they sometimes don't want to play with her daughter as kids are kids and they swap friends like I swap my undies!

I'm sorry but I just don't see anything positive about her comment that justifies it being said :confused3 A real friend would be explaining to their child how we're all different and we should all be kind and caring to each other and kids can always find something in common to play - that's what kids do!

I feel cross just reading it so can't begin to imagine how upset you must be.

[T16GEM]

:hug:

[buzz for boys]

I can 100% relate to this.
DS is now 14 and in main stream school. We have had a constant battle on our hands to get him statemented since primary school but always get passed from one persons responsibility to another. We didn't help the situation by moving to Kuwait for a year as it took him out of the system - then when we moved back it was like everyone was against us.
We know that Brad has a really tough time of it at school. There are a couple of kids who see him as their daily target, and the stories he tells us about what has been said and done breaks our hearts. We have told the school, who insist they have dealt with the problem, yet still it continues. Yesterday he came home and told his Mum that he was being called names in the class and the teacher was stood there smirking. That isn't something that we are prepared to put up with so will be dealing with it straight away.
Please know that you are not alone out there, and that we all feel helpess when it comes to what happens to our children at school - especially those of us who have children that are more vulnerable than most.
If Cam is anything like Brad once he walks through the door everything about school is forgotten, and he feels safe, secure and happy again. I suppose that is one good thing about his condition - he doesnt dwell on things too much, and his lack of empathy for anyone or anything seems to apply to himself as well ;)

As we have said before come on here and vent as much as you need. It's what we're here for

I wish Cam was like brad he lets the things the kids say get to him so much - had a huge melt down this morning about tucking his shirt in as some nice individual in the class said he was a geek!!! Cam has decided thats because he tucks his shirt in depite the fact the whole school tuck shirts in it was the only reaso he could come up with so a massive battle started finishing in cam being 45 mins late for school and me ready for bed before the day had properly begun :eek: We cant get a statement for cam as teh school wont support that he needs it and he has no educational needs - he is top of very set - so therefore there is no need for a statement in their eyes !! :mad:

I'm sorry but am I the only one that is appalled at the Mum telling you about her child not wanting to play with yours? Is she a close friend?

I have several friends that I've made through my DDs and one has a daughter that can (occasionally) be bossy and manipulative but I encourage my DDs to continue to involve her in their games and choose games where everyone has an equal role. I would never dream of telling my friend they sometimes don't want to play with her daughter as kids are kids and they swap friends like I swap my undies!

I'm sorry but I just don't see anything positive about her comment that justifies it being said :confused3 A real friend would be explaining to their child how we're all different and we should all be kind and caring to each other and kids can always find something in common to play - that's what kids do!

I feel cross just reading it so can't begin to imagine how upset you must be.

The mom who said it is not a friend of mine but is a mutual friend of the rest of the group - she does know all about cams issues however and when i told dh what had happened today he was appalled that she had shared the info with me !! He knew something was wrong when i come back *** i wasnt full of beans as he puts it but he thought id been with friends so thought i was just in one :rotfl2:
I am questioning though if its worth keeping cam in mainstream or if he would better off moved to a school that can really understand his needs ???

[Pegasus928]

I wish Cam was like brad he lets the things the kids say get to him so much - had a huge melt down this morning about tucking his shirt in as some nice individual in the class said he was a geek!!! Cam has decided thats because he tucks his shirt in depite the fact the whole school tuck shirts in it was the only reaso he could come up with so a massive battle started finishing in cam being 45 mins late for school and me ready for bed before the day had properly begun :eek: We cant get a statement for cam as teh school wont support that he needs it and he has no educational needs - he is top of very set - so therefore there is no need for a statement in their eyes !! :mad:


The school situation sounds very familiar. Unfortunately Brad isn't top in his classes and struggles with everything he does, but they refused to support our request for a statement due to the fact that he was showing signs of improvement. :confused3
It really is frustrating and annoying that everywhere you turn for help these barricades keep springing up in front of you. All we want is the best for our children and the support of people that are in a position to do something positive.
I hope Cam has a better day today, either with his shirt tucked in or not :thumbsup2

[wicket2005]

:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug: Thinking of you, vent all you like.

[Redheaded Sunshine]

:hug: I don't know you or your situation with your son. I can only speak from experience. That stings. I avoided birthday type things with my son like the plague (not just b/c of my thing, but b-days were actually a huge trigger for a meltdown). We didn't do a lot of play groups b/c I was completely isolated from most of the mothers and got so many of the "what's wrong with that boy?" looks as he would just sit in the sand running it through his fingers over and over while all of the other children played. So I'm not being trite when I tell you that I understand.

What I can say is this...if this woman were TRULY my friend, I would tell her how you felt and how what she said hurt your feelings. It was completely unnecessary for her to tell that to you. It served no purpose than to hurt, though she may not have realized it at the time. If she is not a true friend, I think I would avoid contact with her from that point on and if confronted with it, I would tell her exactly why.

I might consider speaking to his teacher about possibly moving the desks around to expose your DS to a new group of friends, and a boy or girl who doesn't feel like they HAVE to play with him. There will be wonderful friends for your son to have in school, you just have to focus on that and his achievements, rather than any of the negatives. It's hard to do, but as I'm sure you know, if you focus too much on negatives it can suck you in and swallow you up and that does no good for anyone, especially your DS. Good luck to you and feel free to PM me if you'd like a sounding board. :flower3:

[joolz1910]

I agree with other posters about the other Mum - what she said was totally unnecessary. I bring my children up to be kind to others and to make sure other children are never excluded.

I'm not that clued up about SEN, but Cam should be on the school SEN register for his medical condition at the very least. I taught a boy who had had Hodgkinsons and we were all aware of his condition and the treatment he had had.

Sending you :hug:

[natalielongstaff]

I am questioning though if its worth keeping cam in mainstream or if he would better off moved to a school that can really understand his needs ???

i do think that in some cases "inclusion" does more harm than good and doesnt suit every childs needs :hug:

[florida sun]

:hug::hug::hug:

[irongirlof12]

:hug:bless you, there you where having a good time out and wham :sad1:

[bronny]

Oh how awful of someone to say that to you. Children are cruel but you would think an adult would have a little more understanding. Big :hug: to you.x

[catherine]

:hug: :hug:

[wideeyes]

:hug:, I am puzzled though as I had a statement and didn't have no educational needs.:confused3

[Booknut]

I'm sorry you had to go through that, I think you should tell your friend but its easier said than done I know. I was telling a good friend of mine on the phone about how my daughter was improving a bit but that she couldn't do a few things yet and 2 days later when she came round she seemed to make a point of getting her son to show us (even when he wasn't that interested) and do every single one of those things that I told her Matilda couldn't do even though he's 5 months younger than her. It hurt like hell and I have no idea if she had any clue because I couldn't tell her.

My little princess is language delayed and has sensory issues and it does break my heart when I see children even younger than her talking and building things with bricks and pretend playing as sadly she cannot do any of this yet. But like you say, you love everything about them and this is a part of them.

Am sending you a big hug :hug: Your son is lucky to have such a great mum :)

[Latte Lover]

Sending you a hug :hug:
What a horrible mother, saying such a nasty thing to you! Honestly, sometimes the mothers are worse than the children. At least her child, at 7, probably hasn't yet learnt how to be tactful, but she has no excuse.

Maybe you could ask your son's teacher to organise some playground games so that he would naturally be included.

[Lizzy Lemon]

Didn't want to read and run. Know where you are coming from, our DS is statemented after many tears, phone calls and meetings got it sorted, its blooming hard work doing all this without having support from others. If your DS is coping with the work is it his social skills that need addressing? We are lucky, Ashley is now back in main stream and they go out of their way to come up with ideas to help him, they set up a 'Simpsons' lunchtime social group as he likes the TV series and they invited any pupils to go along and watch episodes and discuss them. The school work he finds extremely hard and homework takes 3 times as long as it should even with my help. Some of the kids are cruel as well he has no network of friends, just a couple of SN needs he visits at their homes. I'm really cross tonight, I asked Ashley to walk home and these other kids didn't wait for him yet when I pick Ashley up in the car they wait for him then for a lift home. Ash is like Cam, he will sit and sulk for something for a long time, he will remember the day and date of things that have happened a long time ago. It sounds cruel but if those children who tormented SN children could just have a day of being like that they may understand the hurt that our children feel. Sending you my best wishes.

[buzz for boys]

Thanks again for all the replies and :grouphug: and :thumbsup2 to all you other moms and dads with SN kids. He has gone into school really happy today and has a visual timetable all too himself which seems for the moment to have put him back on an aeven keel.
The school were disgusted with the comments that were made and pointed out thatcam does have friends - she even went and got the class introduction book where the kids all write a paragraph and introduce themselves to the new teacher at the end of every term and i was happy to see that several of the boys had put " we have a friend called cam and he is very poorly but he will be back soon!!"
I was pleased that IF the child in question did say he didnt want to play then there are others in the class that actually like Cam for who he is and are prepared to make the allowances !!
So until the next drama -THANKS ALL FOR THE SUPPORT !!!

[Lizzy Lemon]

Ah brilliant - don't you feel top of the world when your child has a good day. :banana::banana::banana:

[buzz for boys]

Ah brilliant - don't you feel top of the world when your child has a good day. :banana::banana::banana:

Definatly when he comes round the corner with 2 thumbs up and smiling i know we may even get some sleep tonight :thumbsup2
He is chatting on about making a wrestling video to show his class so i think ill be busy tonight :rotfl2:

[Lizzy Lemon]

Definatly when he comes round the corner with 2 thumbs up and smiling i know we may even get some sleep tonight :thumbsup2
He is chatting on about making a wrestling video to show his class so i think ill be busy tonight :rotfl2:

Have fun, I've got to persuade Ash to get his homework done - learning goodness knows how many French words for next Tuesday, think I'd rather be making a wrestling video!!!!:eek:

[natalielongstaff]

So until the next drama -THANKS ALL FOR THE SUPPORT !!!

:hug: Thats what we are here for hun xx

[bronny]

I'm so glad Cam had a great day. Sometimes its harder for us mums to deal with than the kids. My son was ostracized by the majority of his class throughout Primary school due to his ADHD and it broke my heart! He'd come home most days saying 'Mum I made a new friend today' then be hurt when that child was nasty the next day. Sometimes kids move on better than us parents! Now he's in secondary and luckily we moved out of the area in his final year so he goes to a school where the stigma of primary didn't follow him. So much you've written about Cam makes me think he is a very special little boy.

[wideeyes]

That is great that he had a good day:hug:

[joolz1910]

Glad to hear that you are feeling positive and that Cam had a good day.:goodvibes

[jockey]

:hug:

[Booknut]

That's great news :cool1:

[leise]

:hug:Hello, sorry to come in so late and I'm really glad Cam had a good day today. I know very much how you feel, and I have to say it is horrible when people say tactless and hurtful things. However well I think I have accepted that my son is very different and won't ever do some things and that I still think he's fantastic for all the great things he does do, it still hits you like a ton of bricks to have someone say something like that.:hug:

I just wanted to add about the statementing, that you, as a parent, can ask the local authority to assess your child's special needs, with or without the support of the school. Obviously it's better if the school do support you but they don't always have to. In fact sometimes it is better if you ask the LEA directly as there is more accountability than if the school do it - you can appeal if they refuse whereas the school can't.

Also, it doesn't matter if your child is top of every subject, they may still have needs that need supporting, for example, social or communication needs, and they should be assessed for those needs. Schools need to provide support to allow your child to be fully included in EVERY aspect of school life, including playtime and school trips etc, under the Disability Discrimination Act.

Some really good national charities that can give you advice how to go about getting your child the help they need in school are IPSEA (0800 0184016) and Network 81 (0845 7704055). The NAS also have a helpline for education ( 0845 0704002). They are all really helpful and will help you every step of the way along what can be a hard journey!

Hope this helps:hug:

[Ware Bears]

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[buzz for boys]

Thanks leise :thumbsup2
I will fight till the ends of the earth for a statement when i feel tht it needs to be done - at the moment the svhool are bend ing over backwards to get him settled and I dont want to rock the boat !!
We are also hving to fight his cause at the childrens hospital and im a firm believer in fight 1 battle at a time and ive got to fight to get him pain relief at the moment - I have wrote down all the contacts and in the near future will ask for a statement but like i said 1 battle at a time !!!