Dealing with The Loss of a Son

[pfishgirl]

I have never posted here before. I never even paid close enough attention to see this thread existed.. I just really needed somewhere to turn. I am having a very hard time trying to be strong for our family and friends.

My Story:

On May 6th, our son, our only child turned 19 years old. On May 13th he passed away and it's been 9 weeks and we still don't know exactly why..

He was an EMT for our hometown and attending college to be a Respiratory Therapist.. He went through 2 years of Vocational School and graduated with High Honors for Medical Assisting.. Graduated HS in 2008...

He spoke to his girlfriend at 11:30am, never said he didn't feel well, no headache, nothing.. He told her he was going to take a shower, and get ready for his last final exam of the semester.. but, When I got home around 1 pm from grocery shopping and errands, he was already gone.. I found him on his bed, unconscious, pale as can be and cold.

I've been to a support group, but it only meets once a month. I've been to 2 so far. It helps, I guess, a little, knowing They know my pain of losing a child.

I cry every day, even though I don't let my husband see me cry, I know he knows I do. He puts up a brave front for me as well. We have cried together maybe 3 times since it happened.

I just miss my son so much and I feel helpless because I can't fix this. I can't take everyone's pain away and make it okay again..

thanks for listening

:guilty:

[jjzmgailey]

I am so sorry for your loss. :hug::hug::hug:

[frdeb1999]

So very sorry about the loss of your son. :hug:

[jerseygal]

So very sad to read this tragic story about your beautiful 19 year old son.

May God Bless You and Your Family With Comfort and Support During This Most Difficult Time!:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::flower3::flowe r3::flower3

[jrsmom]

I am so sorry for the loss of your son.

[pfishgirl]

Thank You :grouphug:

[Ember]

I am so very sorry.

Treat yourself gently, and your husband. Remember there is no time line to "get over" a death. People seem to think that after a set amount of time you are now "over it" and on the way to being better with things. But that just isn't the case and there will never be a time when you are "over it."

Try not to judge yourself. It's too east to do and it's very unproductive. And keep talking - to us, to your husband, to anybody.

:hug:

[Lilybee]

Im so sorry for the loss of your son.

I don't normally post on thread but this really touch me and it feels just like what happened to my close friend.

Last year my friend a young 22 year old male died very suddenly, no health issues, it took a few weeks for them to find out why he had died, Sudden Cardiac Death (SCD); Sudden Death Syndrome (SDS, SADS).

Stay strong and remember the memories that you had together and that he will always be with you and your family.

[mjwolfe]

Stacy,

I don't think you need to be strong for everyone. It is ok to feel this grief. It is ok to cry, even in front of people. You have experienced a profound loss.

In the grief group that I have participated in (I lost my DH several years ago) - they describe grief like the waves in the ocean. Sometimes the waves almost knock you down, but sometimes it is calm. Sometimes you can recognize that you are in the big waves.

I know very well how it feels like you can't fix it. It is very hard to accept that ...

I think it is good to reach out to a support group. It is unlikely there are others in your circle of friends who have experienced a loss like this. It does help to know that you are not the only one going through something like this.

If anything, going to a group helps give you time to think about it and talk about it. Sometimes the people who are around you every day can't deal with that kind of talk. I always felt like a burden around my friends when I wanted to talk about my DH's illness/death - they did not know what to say. When I am with the group though - they all have been through something like I have.

you might also find support groups on the internet for others who have lost a child.


-marti

[A Mickeyfan]

:hug: this is a poem that I have placed on here before. My sister found it when my Mom passed away. I found it to help me...I hope it can ease your pain :hug:


To my dearest family, some things I'd like to say...
but first of all, to let you know, that I arrived okay.
I'm writing this from heaven. Here I dwell with God above.
Here, there's no more tears of sadness; here is just eternal love.

Please do not be unhappy just because I'm out of sight.
Remember that I'm with you every morning, noon and night.
That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through,
God picked me up and hugged me and He said, ""I welcome you.""

It's good to have you back again; you were missed while you were gone.
As for your dearest family, they'll be here later on.
I need you here badly; you're part of my plan.
There's so much that we have to do, to help our mortal man.

God gave me a list of things, that he wished for me to do.
And foremost on the list, was to watch and care for you.
And when you lie in bed at night, the day's chores put to flight.
God and I are closest to you....in the middle of the night.

When you think of my life on earth, and all those loving years
because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears.
But do not be afraid to cry; it does relieve the pain.
Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.

I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned.
But if I were to tell you, you wouldn't understand.
But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is o'er.
I'm closer to you now, than I ever was before.

There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb;
but together we can do it by taking one day at a time.
It was always my philosophy and I'd like it for you too...
that as you give unto the world, the world will give to you.

If you can help somebody who's in sorrow and pain,
then you can say to God at night......""My day was not in vain.""
And now I am contented....that my life has been worthwhile,
knowing as I passed along the way, I made somebody smile.

So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low,
just lend a hand to pick him up, as on your way you go.
When you're walking down the street, and you've got me on your mind;
I'm walking in your footsteps only half a step behind.

And when it's time for you to go.... from that body to be free,
remember you're not going.....you're coming here to me.

[pfishgirl]

Thank You :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[TheDisneyGirl02]

Oh my gosh, Stacy, I am so sorry to hear about your loss!

There is an online community that I joined after my car accident I had a few years ago and it has helped me. I'm pretty sure there is a bereavement group. It is called dailystrength.org.

I am so sorry again... :(

[Mackey Mouse]

I am so sorry to read this Stacy...as a Mom myself, I was so upset.

I participate in an online support group for caregivers of cancer patients and it helps me so much. I am glad that you are reaching out and finding a place to talk where you feel comfortable.

Take care of yourself and come here if you need to talk, but also maybe do some research online where you might find a bereavement group to participate in..

Marsha

[CarolynU]

Goodness what a sad situation. I feel very sorry for you. To lose a son at that age without knowing why is horrible beyond belief. I guess the best that you can so is to take each day as it comes, and try to cope as best as you can and not to expect too much too soon.
Lean on those here, and rest assured that everyone will support you.

[Deesknee]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I'm happy you have some type of support group. I know there are alot of professional therapists who specialize in grief counseling. How ever you decide to deal with your pain, please know you are in my prayers. When my brother died, someone mentioned to me that no 2 people grieve the same. Even if they are grieving the exact same person, same situation. It helped me to remember that... and still does.

[budmonster]

I am so sorry for you loss. :hug: I'd like to share this poem with you, I found it very comforting when I lost someone I dearly loved a couple years ago. Please know that you are in my thought and prayers at this diffcult time in your life.




If Tomorrow Starts Without Me…

If tomorrow starts without me, and I’m not here to see,
If the sun should rise you find your eyes all filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn’t cry the way you did today,
While thinking of the many things we didn’t get to say.
I know how much you love me, as much as I love you
And each time that you think of me, I know you’ll miss me too.
But when tomorrow starts without me please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name and took me by the hand.
He said my place was ready, in heaven far above
And that I’d have to leave behind all those I dearly love.
But as I turned and walked away a tear fell from my eye.
For all my life I’d always thought, I didn’t want to die.
I had so much to live for, so much left yet to do.
It seemed almost impossible that I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays the good ones and the bad.
I thought of all the love we shared, and all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday, just even for a while,
I’d say goodbye and kiss you and maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realized that this could never be,
For emptiness and memories would take the place of me.
When I thought of worldly things I might miss come tomorrow
I thought of you and when I did my heart was filled with sorrow.
When I walked through heavens gates I felt so much at home.
God looked down and smiled at me from his great golden throne
He said, “This is eternity and all I’ve promised you”
Today your life on earth has passed but here life starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow, but today will always last
And since each day is the same there’s no longing for the past.
You have been so faithful so trusting and so true.
Though there were times you did some things you knew you shouldn’t do.
You have been forgiven and now at last you’re free.
So won’t you come and take my hand and share my life with me?
So when tomorrow starts with out me don’t think we’re far apart,
For every time you think of me, I’m right here in your heart.

[TaraPA]

Stacy, I don't even know what to say to you other than I'm so sorry. Just know that all of us here are thinking of you & your struggle. If it helps you, just talk talk talk, we promise we will listen as much as you need.

Just take baby steps. Take care of your health. It's ok to cry & grieve for no matter how long it takes you. No one here or in a support group would ever judge you for wanting to talk endlessly about your dear son. Many in the support groups you'll find (or are in) have been through the same thing, they will understand.

Take care, you're in my thoughts! :hug:

[Mskanga]

First of all I am really sorry for your loss. My 16 year old daughter is a cancer survivor , she and her friend and classmate were diagnosed with cancer at almost the same time. Her mom and I became very good friends . Unfortunately her daughter passed away in April and I see my friend everyday struggle with the pain ......and I see my daughter feeling guilty for surviving , and I feel guilty for celebrating my daughter's survival when hers did not make it. I know my friend is thrilled to pieces that my daughter survived , just like I am heartbroken that hers didn't.
I am just as heartbroken for you because no parent should ever have to bury their children.....it should be the other way around.

[scrappinmom]

Stacy - I am so sorry for your loss, I"m sorry your son died, I can only imagine the pain you feel every day. I've lost a son as well, however mine was only 2 days old...& while my pain was/is great I know none of us suffer the same kind of pain, and your loss if very different from mine.

What I have learned that might help you is that it's okay...okay to cry, okay to cry in front of anyone/everyone you need to cry. it's okay to be mad as hell, it's okay to be confused as hell, it's okay to be lost as hell...basically you need to grieve you need to feel whatever it is you need to feel...only then can you begin to heal...I won't say get better,because I truly believe once you bury a child you are never "better" never the same person you were before.

However, it has been almost 11 years since my son died & what I do know is that in those 2 days he gave me gifts beyond belief. I'm sure in your wonderful son's 19 years he also gave you gifts that you will treasure forever, gifts that will help you become the person you want to be for the rest of your life, gifts that will help you keep his memory alive in whatever way you choose.

The road ahead is one no parent ever wants to travel.My thoughts & prayers are with you as you begin your journey

[ScrapperBelle]

:hug:
Stacy - I just want to say that although no situation is the same and no two people grieve alike - I do understand what you are going through. We lost our oldest son in Dec. of 07. He was 18. Actually, he was my stepson, but DH and I married when he was 3 and he spent a lot of time with us until he actually moved in with us when he was 14.

He was killed in an auto accident. The spot is only about 10 miles from my house, but I NEVER go past there. Luckily it is not a route I have to take very often, but I will go miles out of my way to avoid it.

There were no drugs or alcohol involved and the police report says he was only going 5-10 mph over the speed limit. So, like you, we have lots of questions. He was killed on impact. It was a single vehicle accident. He left the road and hit a tree.

I don't want to seem like I'm taking over your thread with my story, just wanted to let you know how very sorry I am. If I had only one wish it would be that not one more parent ever know the sorrow we do. I wish I had some magic words for you, but I haven't found them yet.

The important thing is to let yourself feel what you feel every moment, no matter what it is. It's ok to be sad, but don't forget to be joyful as well. I have found that when I feel sad about it, I try to think of a memory that makes me laugh (and there are lots of them!). Don't let others push you into the space they think you need to be in. The summer before he passed away, we had been to WDW. I have been unable to watch the home movies from that trip. Even now, I think I'm ready...I start to put one on and I just cannot do it. I have pictures and I look at them frequently. I even have a huge collage of pics I took on that trip hanging on the wall above me right now....but I am not ready for those videos.

:hug:Once again, I am so sorry. I may not feel exactly how and what you do...but I do understand.:hug:

[3happydancers]

I can honestly say I have never experienced losing a child so I can't say I know your pain. I do know what it is to lose someone you love dearly. Please accept my deepest sympathy for you and your family. :hug:

Please try to remember that it is ok to cry, no matter how many times. Embrace your husband, let him know you need his strength as much as I am sure he needs yours.

[pfishgirl]

Thank You everyone for your kind words and sharing your stories with me. I am so filled with emotions I never know from minute to minute what I am going to be like. I feel like I burden people and I try not to discuss my son too much with family and friends, but it's hard not to when he was my life.

:guilty:

[TheDisneyGirl02]

Thank You everyone for your kind words and sharing your stories with me. I am so filled with emotions I never know from minute to minute what I am going to be like. I feel like I burden people and I try not to discuss my son too much with family and friends, but it's hard not to when he was my life.

:guilty:

:hug:

I wish I could give you a real hug. You are not a burden on anybody - you re hurting and it helps to talk while healing. :hug: If you ever need to talk about it (well, write about it since we're online) feel free to send me a PM. I had a car accident a few years ago and I still have PTSD from it. It helps me to talk about it sometimes so feel free to talk to me.

Weren't you on the Double Dip trip last September? I remember your name.

Take care. :hug:

[A Mickeyfan]

You always have us to talk to when you need it....:grouphug:

[gypsymama]

You will be in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry for your loss. Don't feel like you are a burden, if you need to cry then do it, you are sure entitled to it. :hug:

[TaraPA]

:hug:

I had a car accident a few years ago and I still have PTSD from it. It helps me to talk about it sometimes so feel free to talk to me.



:hug:

I too had PTSD after our neighbor's house burned down & their 21-yr old son died in the fire. It's been 8 years & I still need to talk about it from time to time, to re-live that day & what happened...so please talk to us about your dear son. Tell us anything you'd like about him, everyone here will listen with open ears. Post pictures, tell us how you feel, anything.

[luvmarypoppins]

:hug: I am so sorry for the loss of your son. I watched what my mom went through when my sister suddenly died. I pray that you will know Gods peace and comfort in the days ahead.

I am glad to hear you are in the support group. We are here for you too. I pray also that your dh and you will find strength in each other in the days ahead.

My mom did a few things to honor my sisters memory. People gave her money donations and she used them to put on a childrens play in her memory and the rest went to a childrens orphanage as my sister loved children so, even though she wasnt married. I pray you will find a special way to honor your son, Blessings to you.

[mommasita]

I can not begin to understand your pain. I am deeply sorry for everything. Please NEVER feel like you are a burden here. This is a community, every one of us, and we are all here for you any time you need it.:grouphug:

I will keep you in constant thought and prayer. :hug:

[shoes99]

Thank You everyone for your kind words and sharing your stories with me. I am so filled with emotions I never know from minute to minute what I am going to be like. I feel like I burden people and I try not to discuss my son too much with family and friends, but it's hard not to when he was my life.

:guilty:
Dear niece Stacy. I am glad you found this forum. You are not a burden. I know Damien was your life. Feel free to email me or call me every day. I am here for you.
Aunt Michele

[MinnyGranny62]

:hug:Stacy..I can only shed tears and say a prayer for you but know that you and your family are in my thoughts. Shirley

[pfishgirl]

:hug:

I wish I could give you a real hug. You are not a burden on anybody - you re hurting and it helps to talk while healing. :hug: If you ever need to talk about it (well, write about it since we're online) feel free to send me a PM. I had a car accident a few years ago and I still have PTSD from it. It helps me to talk about it sometimes so feel free to talk to me.

Weren't you on the Double Dip trip last September? I remember your name.

Take care. :hug:

Thanks :hug:

and Yes, we did the Double Dip.. I was in charge of handing out FE lists

[pfishgirl]

Dear niece Stacy. I am glad you found this forum. You are not a burden. I know Damien was your life. Feel free to email me or call me every day. I am here for you.
Aunt Michele

Thanks Aunt Michele,
I know you are here for me and us. Sometimes its just too hard to talk about so writing is a bit easier..
Are you going to Scott & Beth's for the BBQ thing?

:hug:

[pfishgirl]

:hug: I am so sorry for the loss of your son. I watched what my mom went through when my sister suddenly died. I pray that you will know Gods peace and comfort in the days ahead.

I am glad to hear you are in the support group. We are here for you too. I pray also that your dh and you will find strength in each other in the days ahead.

My mom did a few things to honor my sisters memory. People gave her money donations and she used them to put on a childrens play in her memory and the rest went to a childrens orphanage as my sister loved children so, even though she wasnt married. I pray you will find a special way to honor your son, Blessings to you.

I am sorry for your loss as well..

Damien was a volunteer EMT for our town so a lot of people sent donations in honor of our Son which was really nice..

We are also getting a monogrammed Brick, in a special garden from the Compassionate Friends, which is the support group I go to once a month..

Oh and there are now 2 separate scholarships given each May in Damien's name. One to a nursing student, because Damien was in school for Respiratory Therapy.. and the other given to a most improved student..

:thumbsup2

[TheDisneyGirl02]

Thanks :hug:

and Yes, we did the Double Dip.. I was in charge of handing out FE lists

I thought so... :hug:

[MagicMe]

Stacy - Amy (DisneyGirl02) just told me about your post regarding the loss of your son. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Every one experiences grief in different ways and there is no right way to deal with it. Don't feel that you need to be strong for everyone. Tears may be what you need to cope. Whatever you need to do (whether it's crying, meeting in a group, or posting on here) is the right thing for you. :hug:

[Jenvenza]

I am so, so sorry you lost you son. I dont know what else to say. I am so sorry.

[JerseyMamaBear]

:hug: i am so sorry for your loss. please turn to us whenever you feel the need to talk.

[pfishgirl]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

Thank You everyone.. Your thoughtfulness is greatly appreciated.. I'm trying to be strong but some days it is very difficult to even smile

[MagicMe]

Stacey - managing a smile even once in a while is good. It's a long process just to learn to live with your loss.

[pfishgirl]

:mad:

Why can't my Husband Understand and Accept the fact that I do NOT want to go to MNSSHP this year??

It would be the 1st one we've ever done without our son and I am Not ready for that!!!! :headache:

I even told him NO!!! and Why and he just does Not get it!!

:mad:

[ScrapperBelle]

Ohhh...this is a touchy one...I don't have any answers for you, just wanted to let you know that between DH and I we have had many times in the past year and half just like what you are going through now.

I want to say that I completely understand how you feel and I also understand your DH. There have been many "firsts" we have had to conquer without our son. It always helps more if we talk honestly and openly about how we feel. Sometimes we fight, but I find it's far less frequent than it used to be. There have been moments when I have felt like I was on the verge of divorce, but we have been lucky enough to move through most of our issues.

Notice I said "move through". Neither one of us will ever "get over it", so we just try our best to move through each issue as it comes along as a FAMILY...not as separate people dealing with separate issues. It's hard and I have shed enough tears to drown the entire family, but I try to stay open to ideas of my DH's and he to mine.

Our son died in Dec. of '07. We had a trip to WDW planned for Feb. of '08. DS had just moved out on his own, started a new job, and was enjoying his new freedoms. He wasn't going with us on our trip, but just a few days after he passed, I had to call and cancel that trip. The last trip we had been on, he was with us (and he dearly loved our trips to WDW!). There was just no way I could face going back so soon.

Well, a few months passed and DH thought that if we went it might help us. At first I didn't want to, but we talked through it and kind of convinced each other that it was the right thing to do. We went in early May and had an awesome time. We were there for my bday and Mother's Day. Of course we had our moments. On our 1st night, we went to the P&P party and I stood right in the middle of Main St. looking at the castle during the fireworks and cried like a baby. DH managed to go to DHS for a few hours one morning, but he seemed "antsy" and was ready to go after only a little while. He later told me that just seeing the ToT (one of DS's faves) made him feel like his heart was coming out of his chest.

Our youngest DS was unable to go to DQ. He and his brother loved to go there together. When he got next to the bldg., he suddenly became short of breath and had to rush to a bathroom to throw up. He still says he will NEVER go there again.

I don't mean to depress you and I definitely don't want to "hijack" your thread, just wanted to let you know that I understand not wanting to do something and feeling like everyone else is "pushing" you to do it. But, I do want to caution you to remain open and understanding where others are concerned also. As bad as you may not want to go, it may be just what your DH needs. Our grief can cloud our judgement and sometimes the things other people do just seem cold and heartless to us, but just remember that your DH is probably having just as hard a time as you are and he is dealing with things in his own way.

I sincerely hope you all reach the conclusion that brings you both peace.:flower3:

[pfishgirl]

Thank You for the advice and your story. I am so sorry for the loss of your son.

We are leaving on DCL Magic on Sept 12th and That Alone is going to be Very hard on me but we are going with 8 other people and I am forcing myself as is because I won't make them have a bad time.

I'm giving what I can but Halloween was always a HUGE thing for us. Bigger then even Christmas. We would do the MNSSHP at least once each year and at home we have an LGB train * like in Germany in Epcot* that runs completely around the outside perimeter of our house. DS Loved to run the trains and help me make the outside of the house spooky for the Trick or Treaters. The candy stays on the train and He was the Train Conductor. He'd stop the train in the train station and give the kids time to get the candy from the train carts.

I know I'm not ready and I shouldn't be forced to do it but he doesn't understand. He may be ready so he can feel free to go without me, but I would of much rather him to support me and what I'm feeling and let our friends go to MNSSHP and have him stay with me. It's not like they can't do it without us.

I went to the boadwalk and cried watching their kids and niece and nephews on the same rides that my son had been on at their age. It was too much for me and I needed a half hour to control my crying. And I really do not want to have that happen in Disney and then leave the next day for the cruise.

I don't think he is thinking of me, or taking what I am feeling into consideration, so why do I need to be the one to sacrifice my feelings and needs to suit his? It's not very fair.

Plus the fact, he doesn't dress up and he doesn't trick or treat during MNSSHP so paying $50 a ticket the night before already spending $5,000 on a cruise, seems a little wasteful to me.

I just don't want to be a wreck at MNSSHP and then have to be all smiles and "ok" in front of everyone for a week cruise..

[ScrapperBelle]

I am so sorry. I really hope you don't think I was telling you that you should sacrifice your feelings for everyone else's. I am totally respectful of your feelings and if you really think you cannot handle the MNSSHP then I would definitely avoid it.

I think I was trying to make the point that we have each learned to respect the other's feelings in our home. We spent a lot of time at first "flying off the handle" and attacking each other for feelings that no one could help. Those first few months were very rough. We still have rough patches when new situations come up. Your wounds are still very new and it will take time for you all to adjust to each other's new feelings and emotions with each new situation as it arises.

If my DH can never go to DHS again, then I will respect him for that and NEVER ask him to do it. If my DS cannot go to DQ ever again, then we just won't go. As a matter of fact, he doesn't even want to go back to WDW...he says it is just too hard without his brother. I am completely respectful of that and I will not make him do it.

I truly wish only the best for you and your DH. I sincerely hope you don't feel forced to do anything you don't want to do. Your feelings are very legitimate and no one else should EVER tell you how you should feel or act in any situation. I have been thinking about you a lot and sending lots of prayer and good thoughts out for you. Please don't take anything I say as personal...or an attack on you in any way....I just wanted you to know that there are lots of us out here dealing with the same types of issues everyday and no one handles it the same. :hug:

[pfishgirl]

No, No, I didn't take what you said as an attack on me at all :hug:

I'm upset at Him not You for not accepting the fact that as of today I do not think I can handle MNSSHP in a few weeks..

I just wish he'd "get it" :sad2:

[TheDisneyGirl02]

Stacy, I'm just sending you a hug to let you know that I'm thinking about you!

:goodvibes

:littleangel:

[TinkerBrie]

So sad:( I am sorry for your loss. I just wanted to sent you a hug...

[circhead]

I am sorry for your loss - I can't imagine the pain you're in.

For what it's worth I can tell you that my brother was murdered when he was 18.(1974) None of us, to this day, have really gotten over the loss but as the years passed Michael's being gone got a little easier to deal with. Time is a great healer - it eases the grief but leaves the happiness of the memories.

I hope that the memories you have will sustain you as you learn to pick up the pieces and go on.:hug:

[raysnkaysmom]

Never visited this forum until today, after reading the lost of AlaskaMoms son, and reading about yours on that thread as well...

I have no words, just tears and hugs for you...
:sad1::hug:

[MagicMe]

:mad:

Why can't my Husband Understand and Accept the fact that I do NOT want to go to MNSSHP this year??

It would be the 1st one we've ever done without our son and I am Not ready for that!!!! :headache:

I even told him NO!!! and Why and he just does Not get it!!

:mad:

Stacy - the only thing I can tell you is that those "firsts" are so tough but unfortunately you have to work thru them. I'm not saying to to it now - it may just be too soon and raw for it. Each "first" after my brother left us was so difficult. The "seconds" weren't much easier either. But I have found after time (10 years now) that I can now think of him without all the pain and remember the memories and smile. I see his children now grown and know that he is so proud of them. Only you know what you can handle. You know deep down that these are all things that you will have to face as time goes on. You just may not be ready this time around. :hug:

[pfishgirl]

Thank You All for your constant support and your kind words and sharing your stories with me

:grouphug:


It is greatly appreciated

[TheDisneyGirl02]

Stacy...just sending you a hug to let you know that I'm thinking about you. :hug:

[nana2tots]

Stacy, :grouphug:

[Luv2Roam]

My heart goes out to you. There is no pain such as losing a child. (Mine was also an only child, and could not have any more.) Few people know that happened to me many years ago. Took me probably 25 years just to be able to think back on those days without pain and depression.
There is awful lot of mixed bag of emotions and stages you will pass through. And you will never entirely get over it.
The old saying of time heals wounds is true. What they don't say is it is an extremely slow and painful process.
I don't know that I could be of any help or comfort. However feel free to PM even if you just need a stranger's shoulder to cry on and vent.
:hug:

[Luv2Roam]

Something to also ponder. Some of us have learned the hard way the cycle of life and death is very unpredictable. My thought is once I am gone I would not want others to not enjoy their lives and move on.
Honor your son by enjoying your life and living. It's good to remember. But don't live in the past. Your son would not want you to no longer enjoy life and spend your life grieving for him and what could have been.
All easier said than done I know.
Take nothing for granted. We all do so much. Such as when we leave in a car, we assume we will come back home and life will be normal. It just doesn't always work that way and there is nothing you can do about it.
Again, now more than ever take care of you and yours. :hug:

[pfishgirl]

My heart goes out to you. There is no pain such as losing a child. (Mine was also an only child, and could not have any more.) Few people know that happened to me many years ago. Took me probably 25 years just to be able to think back on those days without pain and depression.
There is awful lot of mixed bag of emotions and stages you will pass through. And you will never entirely get over it.
The old saying of time heals wounds is true. What they don't say is it is an extremely slow and painful process.
I don't know that I could be of any help or comfort. However feel free to PM even if you just need a stranger's shoulder to cry on and vent.
:hug:

I am very sorry for your loss :hug:

We also have not been able to have anymore children. I know the pain of that as well, the trying, the hoping, the praying and then only to be disappointed one more time. :flower3:

Thank you for sharing with me your loss

[Minnie&Nana]

(((Stacy))) I am so, so sorry. Damien is with you... try to hold on to every memory to get you through these impossible days...often moments, minutes, hours. :hug: your heart is shattered.

I know you have likely heard this already, but please, talk about Damien as often as you want/need. He is still your son and will be forever....Try not to think about what family or friends may think - they cannot possibly understand. It is natural for you to talk and think about Damien.

Sometimes family and friends do not want to speak of Damien because they fear it will be harder for you - I've learned to explain to to everyone that nothing is more painful than losing my child, but hearing his name gives me comfort and even joy.

Yesterday it was the 10 year anniversary of my son unexpectedly passing...the first 2 yrs are the most difficult....do not let anyone tell you differently. Try to find others who will understand: http://www.bereavedparentsusa.org/ is one of the best. My DD and I attended the Bereaved Parents National Conference after 9 mos...we feared it would be too difficult, but it was the best thing we could have done...

As for your upcoming trip - try to dig deep inside and do what feels right. Of course, you have your DH and without a doubt he is suffering his in own way. I canceled a Disney trip we were due to take a month after we lost Toby..I did not return for 2 yrs and even then it was very, very difficult. A lot of tears, but joy as well. He sent me rainbows that trip...and it seemed in every park we heard "Over the Rainbow" playing for who knows what reason. I believe it was Toby comforting his mom and letting me know he was with me.

It does sounds like it is too soon for MSSCHP. I'm sure you've tried to explain to your DH that just as he must go, you cannot. If you do decide to attend,perhaps leave if it gets too much. Halloween and Christmas were Toby's favorite holidays...it is only the last couple of yrs I can even answer the door again for Trick or Treaters.

I am sorry this is so long...I just want you to know you are not alone, Stacy. We are here for you any time...I sent a pm with my email and phone number.

Take one moment at a time...let the tears come.....scream, sob...someday you will be able to smile and feel joy again because you will want to honor Damien's life.

Take gentle care, dear Stacy. :hug: Holding you very near in heart and prayer.
Christine

[ScrapperBelle]

I just wanted to let you know that I have been thinking about you :hug:

[pfishgirl]

:grouphug: Thank You All :grouphug:

Yesterday was a bad day.. My Grams would of been 94 yesterday. So between thinking of her and of course my son... I was weepy all day long..

It's been 15 weeks today since he was taken from us :sad1:

I am looking forward to my support group Tuesday cause I can use it :grouphug:

[TaraPA]

Hugs to you Stacy. Look at you, you've made it 15 weeks. I'm sure you felt like you could never go on. You are stronger than you think. Tomorrow will be 15 weeks and 1 day....then 15 weeks and 2 days....take it one day at a time. We're all thining of you. Good luck at your support group, I hope it will help you to share you story with others who have been there. There are so many here on the DIS who experienced the loss of a child, I'm so sorry for all of you. Hopefully you can all help each other get through to the next day.

[ndloewen]

Hugs Stacy,

Just happened to stumble across your thread today. I didn't even realize this part of the board even existed. I am so very sorry for your loss.

4 weeks ago today I lost my son too. He would have been 4 next month. He struggled with many health issues all his life, but his death was still so sudden and unexpected. He developed pneumonia and kidney failure. After an intense 2 day battle in PICU, Noah's brain was no longer functioning and we had to make the very painful decision to let him go. I feel your pain. To bury a child is just so very, very wrong. I struggle to make it through each day...and to somehow try to help my other kids through this all. But sometimes I can barely even breathe. It's so tough on our marriage too. Noah was my world. I hate that this is my new reality.

Stacy, you made it through 15 weeks. That gives me hope. For now all we can do is just take one day, one hour, one minute or even just one breath at a time, and we will make it through another day.

[pfishgirl]

Hugs Stacy,

Just happened to stumble across your thread today. I didn't even realize this part of the board even existed. I am so very sorry for your loss.

4 weeks ago today I lost my son too. He would have been 4 next month. He struggled with many health issues all his life, but his death was still so sudden and unexpected. He developed pneumonia and kidney failure. After an intense 2 day battle in PICU, Noah's brain was no longer functioning and we had to make the very painful decision to let him go. I feel your pain. To bury a child is just so very, very wrong. I struggle to make it through each day...and to somehow try to help my other kids through this all. But sometimes I can barely even breathe. It's so tough on our marriage too. Noah was my world. I hate that this is my new reality.

Stacy, you made it through 15 weeks. That gives me hope. For now all we can do is just take one day, one hour, one minute or even just one breath at a time, and we will make it through another day.

Oh my goodness.. I am so sorry for your loss :hug: Thank you for sharing your story with me..

It's very hard and we have good days and bad days and we do take it one hour at a time.. Some days I'm fine and then out of nowhere I'm crying my eyes out.

Tonight my husband says he is not all that thrilled we are going on our cruise in 2 weeks.. This is the 1st he has said anything to me.. I'm hoping he is just having a down day and I'll help try and perk him up

[TaraPA]

Look at you Stacy - giving words of wisdom to other people dealing with the same thing you are. I'm sure others will appreciate hearing your story that are going through it as well. You are strong!!!!! :hug:

[shoes99]

Hi Dear Niece Stacy.
The best thing to do with DH is to talk and talk.
Uncle Bud's best friend lost his son at age 19 in a boating accident at LBI.
The Mom Charlene went into such a depression that she did not want to get out of bed. Her other kids 14, 12 and 6 had to fend for themselves for at least a year before she got help. Her husband was a dear, but he left for work at 6:30AM. We think about you and Andy and Damien every day.
Even the cruise next week for me will be a little weepy. Remember, I was with you and your family including Damien last September. We have great memories. Damien went from the chicken fingers kid to ordering snails for the appitizer. We all had a great smile over that.
Aunt Michele

[pfishgirl]

Hi Dear Niece Stacy.
The best thing to do with DH is to talk and talk.
Uncle Bud's best friend lost his son at age 19 in a boating accident at LBI.
The Mom Charlene went into such a depression that she did not want to get out of bed. Her other kids 14, 12 and 6 had to fend for themselves for at least a year before she got help. Her husband was a dear, but he left for work at 6:30AM. We think about you and Andy and Damien every day.
Even the cruise next week for me will be a little weepy. Remember, I was with you and your family including Damien last September. We have great memories. Damien went from the chicken fingers kid to ordering snails for the appitizer. We all had a great smile over that.
Aunt Michele

He had snails AND chicken fingers ;) and we had Palo's. He was so excited to have Palo's finally after waiting and waiting til he was 18

and yes, I was assuming it may bit a weepy for you as well. I'm so glad you have the Veggie Car races and Happy memories to hold on to with Damien

and Thank You... but, you know as much as me that Andy is a stubborn one, they all are.. But I do talk to him.. He just holds things back that I wish he didn't..

[IceSk8ersMom]

Stacy, I am sailing with you in December 2010. I admire your strength and your courage. My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you. I hope this Dis board gives you some comfort. I am sending you a cyber-hug

[shoes99]

I have permission from my niece Stacy to post some pics from Damien's High School Graduation party/brunch.
Aunt Michele
Four generations of family:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v308/Shoes99/DSC04929.jpg
Damien and his cousins:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v308/Shoes99/DSC04926.jpg

[5 'LIL *TWINKERS*]

Im so very sorry for your loss......prayers and hugs to you and your dh.:grouphug:

[pfishgirl]

I Miss Him So Much........................

:sad1:

[mommasita]

I Miss Him So Much........................

:sad1:

:hug:

[Minnie&Nana]

:grouphug: Hold tight to every memory. :grouphug:

[Luv2Roam]

Just here to give a :hug:

[DanceRC28]

So sorry for your loss, sending my thoughts and prayers out to you and your family!

[ibelieveinmagic]

oh sweetheart, i am so very very sorry! I'ts ok to cry as much as you need to- hugs to you!

[kathyseb]

Stacey,
I have lost two nephews, both in their 20s. I know how my heart aches at not having them with us anymore, but to even begin to imagine what life is for my two sisters. There are bad days and good days.

Looks like you have a trip coming up.
Two years ago, I lost my mom on November 12. On the 27th that year we took off for WDW. The last place in the world I wanted to be.
The trip was like a blur to me. I did a lot of crying as we walked around the World. But also a lot of memoires flooded into my mind from the trip my mom took with DH and myself.

I set out to buy something from there that would remind me of my mom everytime I looked at it. I searched high and low for the right thing. I finally got a ornament of Minnie dressed like an angel holding a candle.

Sounds like at least your aunt and uncle are going with you. Take the time on the trip to celebrate your son's life. Relive your memories.

My heart goes out to you. Take each day one step at a time.

[pfishgirl]

Stacey,
I have lost two nephews, both in their 20s. I know how my heart aches at not having them with us anymore, but to even begin to imagine what life is for my two sisters. There are bad days and good days.

Looks like you have a trip coming up.
Two years ago, I lost my mom on November 12. On the 27th that year we took off for WDW. The last place in the world I wanted to be.
The trip was like a blur to me. I did a lot of crying as we walked around the World. But also a lot of memoires flooded into my mind from the trip my mom took with DH and myself.

I set out to buy something from there that would remind me of my mom everytime I looked at it. I searched high and low for the right thing. I finally got a ornament of Minnie dressed like an angel holding a candle.

Sounds like at least your aunt and uncle are going with you. Take the time on the trip to celebrate your son's life. Relive your memories.

My heart goes out to you. Take each day one step at a time.

Thank You for your thoughts and sharing your story..

We are going with friends of ours and Their family.. Aunt Michele won't be with us this time. But she was with us last year when our son was with us as well.

[IceSk8ersMom]

Stacy,

I know you are leaving tomorrow for your cruise. It will be a difficult journey for you, but you are not alone. I am sending positive thoughts and prayers your way. Have a safe and peaceful trip.

Lisa

[Minnie&Nana]

Stacey, I too, will be thinking of you most especially these next days. Take gentle care... there may be many mixed emotions, but am praying there will be happy memories as well. God bless. :hug:

[pfishgirl]

Back in NJ

We had some ups and downs as expected while on the Magic, but it was a nice relief in a way at Castaway.. :rolleyes1

DH & I are feeling a little bit better but of course we came home with Colds :headache:

[shoes99]

Back in NJ

We had some ups and downs as expected while on the Magic, but it was a nice relief in a way at Castaway.. :rolleyes1

DH & I are feeling a little bit better but of course we came home with Colds :headache:

Welcome home dear niece Stacy. Sorry we missed you on 9/10 on our way back to the airport. Also sorry that you had another death in the family. I went to Uncle Alan's wake in the afternoon on Sunday. I got to see your in-laws before they flew back to Colorado on Monday. Hope DH got to see his folks before they went back.
Love you...

[pfishgirl]

Welcome home dear niece Stacy. Sorry we missed you on 9/10 on our way back to the airport. Also sorry that you had another death in the family. I went to Uncle Alan's wake in the afternoon on Sunday. I got to see your in-laws before they flew back to Colorado on Monday. Hope DH got to see his folks before they went back.
Love you...

Thank You.. Andy missed Mom and Dad by like 10 minutes. He went to the brunch after the funeral and sat with Grandma & Grandpa.

[TheDisneyGirl02]

I'm glad that Castaway was a nice relief for you. :hug:

Hope you are both feeling better.

[pfishgirl]

Well my world just keeps crashing down harder and harder on me :sad1:
I am dealing with a bunch more of issues at home on top of still grieving the loss of my son..

I want to just give up

:guilty:

[shoes99]

Well my world just keeps crashing down harder and harder on me :sad1:
I am dealing with a bunch more of issues at home on top of still grieving the loss of my son..

I want to just give up

:guilty:

Stacy, you can call me to talk any time of night or day.
Aunt Michele

[ndloewen]

Stacy,

I know there are no words to make things better.

I'm so sorry that this is your reality. Unfortunately, the rest of life keeps on going around you, which really, really sucks. Just wanted you to know you are not alone. Sometimes it is all you can do just to keep on breathing.

One breath at a time.

It's been two months for me. The reality has set in and I can barely stand it. I just focus on one day, sometimes one hour or even just one minute at a time.

Praying :littleangel:

[lmhall2000]

First...what a cutie! You can just see it in his eyes, the joy and love of life he had! Shows job well done, mom!!

I have been trying to cry as softly as I can while trying to find some respite from my pain...today, my family (3 kids and dh) drove 2 hours to spend the day with my uncle. Two weeks ago he suffered seizures and has gone downhill since....he's 69, used to play football at Penn State with Mike Ditka, best golfer, outrageously funny, married to my aunt for 39 years...they never had kids so all us nieces and nephews were their children. They actually were the first to see my children before my own parents...always there for major events and we even dragged them along to our beach vacations...playing putt-putt with "Igor" was a highlight in my kids memories. So, today we had to stand by his bedside, pray with him, suction his throat to keep it clear so he could manage what little breathing...he was so hot to the touch, I took his fever and it was still climbing at 103..they've taken him off fluids and ng feedings so it's just a matter of time. I made it all through today without crying..I tried to laugh for my aunt...keep conversations going, hold his hand and let him know we were there (he hasn't opened his eyes in 2 days)....I even managed the ride home really well...but tonight the kids wanted to watch a movie and "Ghost" was playing, I didn't cry through it at all...kissed the kids good night and sat down for a quick review of cruising trip reports (we're taking our first cruise ever next May)....and then I just lost it...I can't cry too loudly b/c my kids will hear...I'm just sick...I feel physical pain and a deep pit that won't go away. I just want to scream, run to my aunt and hold her...then I found this board, your thread popped out and I had to read through your loss to get to a point where I said, "It's going to be okay" Damien's mom is suffering, she's mad as hades, she's plugging on, she has setbacks, she has supporters, she's human....then it dawned on me, I'm not alone....I can not even imagine losing a child....but I feel like I'm losing a father....they were the ones I would go to when I was away at college to wash my laundry, she would always send me out with every bit of change she had b/c she knew being a college student was hard. Always got a birthday card from her...more so than my own mom! I love my parents dearly but they were just pretty busy.
So, you see...your loss helps the rest of us recognize something very important...we can go on, we can live our lives to honor those we've lost...anything short of that and I'm sure we'd get a scolding...I'm here to let you know that just in what I see in Damien's pictures, he does NOT want you to suffer...grieve, grieve, scream, get angry...know your husband's way of grieving may be different than yours...you both may believe the other one is just not getting it, but you'll reach a point of understanding, and I pray it shines on you soon.

Thank you for sharing and thanks for letting me get my silent crying out in this post...I love you Uncle Len!!

Tara

[pfishgirl]

:grouphug:

Thank You for sharing your stories with me

[pfishgirl]

ugh!!!!!!!! :sad1:

I miss my son so much and I have so much drama and stress in my life right now I feel lost and confused.. I need his strength

My mind races at night and I can't sleep and I'm so exhausted mentally and physically..

:guilty:

[nana2tots]

I feel what you are feeling, i have been the same way in the past two years, I am having a hard time dealing w/ mine, i can't sleep, eat, i'm :grouphug: mean to everyone and wondering why are they here, when my Daughter can't be, it's Horrible being this way, and there is not a soul out there that can Help me, i tell them if they want to Help, then bring my only child back, i am losing it.
I can't even find any Happiness anymore, i am being a total you know what. Please if you ever want to talk, maybe it would do us both some good, for people that haven't been in our situation, it 's hard on them to show us affection, or give help.
I just hope and Pray that we both and all that are going through something like this, that we find Happiness, Strenght to go on.
your friend
Nana

[nana2tots]

http://sandi-smithbrooks.gonetoosoon.org/memorial/

[nana2tots]

http://sandi-brooksvirtual-memorialscom.virtual-memorials.com/

[pfishgirl]

http://sandi-smithbrooks.gonetoosoon.org/memorial/

I added you on gonetoosoon
I have a memorial for my son damien as well feel free to light candles for us too

:flower3:

[Jenvenza]

Thinking about you today. I hope you are well and feeling stronger. :hug:

[pfishgirl]

It's been a while since I have been here :flower3:

I continue to grieve my son as I miss him so so so much :sad1: I still can not believe he is gone and I would do anything to change back the clock 6 months but I know that is an impossible dream

My life at home just keeps getting worse, but I need to be strong and move on, and I need to worry about me now.. It's very different because my son and my husband always came first.. and Now to put myself first seems very strange to me but I have no choice now

[luvmarypoppins]

:hug: Stacy, sending you prayers.

[minniebeth]

It's been a while since I have been here :flower3:

I continue to grieve my son as I miss him so so so much :sad1: I still can not believe he is gone and I would do anything to change back the clock 6 months but I know that is an impossible dream

My life at home just keeps getting worse, but I need to be strong and move on, and I need to worry about me now.. It's very different because my son and my husband always came first.. and Now to put myself first seems very strange to me but I have no choice now

:grouphug::grouphug:

[pfishgirl]

:grouphug:


Thank You for everyone's constant hugs and support
It is greatly appreciated

[MinnyGranny62]

:love:You are in my thoughts and prayers. Shirley

[pfishgirl]

Ready to finally tell the news.... Still hoping on a miracle and hanging by a thread it will change..

We are heading down to Florida for a few days.. but not for anything good.. I will be cleaning out my stuff from "Our Dream Home" "Our Future Retirement Home" the home, I just finished decorating..

My husband and I will be divorcing. He has been having an affair with our son's Best Friend for a few months now. I'm beyond devastated, shocked and was blindsided by this. She just turned 20 He will be 40 in January..

I treated her like a daughter.. I can not believe she can do this to me. She knew my husband was hurting because we both talked to her when we took her and our son's other Best Friend to Disney for 2 weeks in the summer to give them a break from dealing with things before school started again.. He told us how he was hurting and felt lost.. And she totally took advantage of the situation for herself.. I don't get it.. She doesn't feel an ounce of guilt, remorse or anything.. She even went with me to a Support Group meeting for Grieving parents..

How do you sleep with your best friend's father and break up your best friend's parents marriage??

He wasn't even gone 6 months when the affair started..

And same for my Husband.. How do you sleep with your son's best friend, a girl he took to Sr prom? and someone who is young enough to be his daughter..

He says they are in love and are planning their future together

Why is it everyone else deserves happiness but me? What did I do to deserve all this pain, hurting, and devastation??

He never once said he was unhappy!!! He said the opposite.. Said he felt closer then ever to me.. I was getting flowers once a week right up until the day I forced him to confess..

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
:sad1:

[dee47]

Stacy, I am so sorry! You might want to look at it as temporary insanity after your son's death. It is almost like his way of having part of your son back...NOT that I am justifying his action AT ALL, but it can (and has) happened before. It doesn't lessen the pain but believe me it won't last and in the long run, because you are the one who is dealing with your emotions and he isn't happiness will be yours. What will be his I don't know but I've seen some pretty serious karma come around before...

Please never think you won't be happy again. Your husband's affair has nothing to do with happiness and everything to do with desperation and denial.

We are here for you. In lieu of a real hug, I'm sending you lots of :hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug: :hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug: Please PM me if you need a shoulder to cry on.

Hang in there. We're all rooting for you!

[MAKHayes-DisneyDiva]

Stacy -
I'm so sorry for all you have been going through. I am praying for some peace for you with both the loss of your son and your husband's bone-head choice.
I also lost my son, 6 years ago. He was 18 months old, and I miss him every day. Somehow my husband and I have been able to get through this sad time together. It wasn't/isn't always easy, and there were times when we expressed our grief very differently. We had to be patient with each other, and learned to overlook some of the bad choices each of us made while coping and struggling to hang on to what was left of the lives we knew.
Is there any chance that your husband will snap out of it, and if he does, will you want to try to work through this? You have some tough times ahead, but after reading this thread it is obvious that you are a very strong woman.
My prayers are with you, and even with your husband.

[ndloewen]

Oh Stacy,

I wish I knew what to say. I am so very, very sorry.

I was shocked and so very saddened to read this. I am so, so sorry that your husband has made such poor choices. As a grieving mother myself, I know that this is the very last thing you need.

Many prayers for you and your family.

[pfishgirl]

:grouphug:

Thank You..

He left Florida today to head back to NJ with my stuff. him & a friend are driving. I leave tomorrow morning. I'm flying. Now I wish I would of booked it for today cause I don't want to be here. I feel lonelier then ever. Knowing this was the last time my Husband & I will ever take a trip, or be in "our" house together here in Florida.

Yesterday, he did give me a little happiness. We went downtown for dinner at Rain Forest Cafe. Then to the Grand Floridian to see the Christmas decoration and to see the Gingerbread house. He bought me a Gingerbread man and a shingle, but he also bought one of each for his Girlfriend to surprise her. And he wouldn't eat one with me when I asked. He is saving it to do with Her I suppose.

Which I really don't understand because in 2 weeks he is taking her to stay here in "Our" Home and in "Our" bedroom and to Disney for the weekend. He is taking her to see the Osbourne lights.

:sad1::sad1::sad2::sad2::guilty::guilty:

[DisneyFairytale]

That is such a sad story. You sound like a very tough lady. It sounds like he likely went very quickly, which hopefully brings some peace to you and your husband.
I can only imagine what you are going thru, an it touches me that much more to have read this, as I am also an EMT in our home town.

I have nou doubt in my mind, that he is watching over you both. I send you all my love and prayers to you and your husband.

[MagicMe]

OMG Stacey - I just happended over here and read you latest entry. I agree that in some strange/sick way, he is still trying to deal with your loss but this is no way to handle it. I myself (having gone through it) can never understand how someone can willingly have an affair with a married man. And for her to know you personally is just wrong.

I hate to see that you now have this to deal with along with the loss of your son. I know you feel like you are losing everything you held dear. You will get through this and I truly believe that you will find happiness again. In the meantime - :hug:

[pfishgirl]

Thank You :hug:

[Planogirl]

Wow, you are one tough lady. I'm so sorry for your loss and everything else you have to deal with. :hug:

[pfishgirl]

:guilty:

Ughhhhh.... Came to.. I don't even know what... I've been crying for 2 days now and I feel so lost without my son...

I miss my son so much and today and tomorrow are torturing me.. I wish I could of bypassed Christmas all together..

I know my friends and family are trying to help but getting Mad at me because I am not agreeing to go to get togethers is Not helping :headache:

:sad1: :sad1: :sad1: :sad1:

Damien.. :littleangel: Please lend me some strength Pumpkin.. Mommy needs it right now

[Trentmom]

:guilty:

Ughhhhh.... Came to.. I don't even know what... I've been crying for 2 days now and I feel so lost without my son...

I miss my son so much and today and tomorrow are torturing me.. I wish I could of bypassed Christmas all together..

I know my friends and family are trying to help but getting Mad at me because I am not agreeing to go to get togethers is Not helping :headache:

:sad1: :sad1: :sad1: :sad1:

Damien.. :littleangel: Please lend me some strength Pumpkin.. Mommy needs it right now


Very sorry for the loss of your son

I am sorry others are upsetting you.

I Just wanted to send you a big warm hug :hug:

[MagicMe]

As frustrating as your friends are - keep in the back of your mind that they only want the best for you and want to help. Unfortunately, grief is such a personal thing and each person has to work their way back. I immediately thought of you this morning knowing that this day would be especially hard. These holidays that used to be filled with happiness are now times to get through. The firsts are the worst and the seconds won't necessarily be great but each step makes it a little more bearable. It's not something you "get over" but you learn to live with it. You've heard it a million times and at this point won't believe it but life will get better. In the meantime - :hug: know that he would want you to work through the grief and eventually be happy once again.

[safetymom]

Sending hugs to you today. Holidays are tough when we remember our loved ones that aren't with us anymore.

[TheDisneyGirl02]

:guilty:

Ughhhhh.... Came to.. I don't even know what... I've been crying for 2 days now and I feel so lost without my son...

I miss my son so much and today and tomorrow are torturing me.. I wish I could of bypassed Christmas all together..

I know my friends and family are trying to help but getting Mad at me because I am not agreeing to go to get togethers is Not helping :headache:

:sad1: :sad1: :sad1: :sad1:

Damien.. :littleangel: Please lend me some strength Pumpkin.. Mommy needs it right now

(((Hugs))) :hug::hug::hug::hug:

[MAKHayes-DisneyDiva]

Sending hugs and strength to you. We especially miss our little guy at the holidays too, so I feel your pain.
Here's some pixie dust. pixiedust:

[DipsyDoodles]

The profound love you are feeling for your son is your strength. He is sending that to you. Try to Smile when you think of him.

[LivinInTheCastle]

I am so sorry to hear of your tragic loss. I hope your new angel can comfort your family.

[pfishgirl]

Ugh!!! It's almost over now.. :guilty:

My Husband is closing on his new place early. It was suppose to be Jan 25th. They upped it to next Friday. He will be moving out for good by Saturday..

I won't even really see him this week either.. He is leaving tonight and won't be back til Wednesday. He'll stay here Wednesday & Thursday & possibly Friday but not too sure..

I go on the 19th to the Divorce center to get the process started. Not my choice but he is pushing hard to get it over with..

My heart is so broken and I cry all the time

We should be divorced in March.. He'll be on his cruise with his Girlfriend while I will be in a court room getting a divorce.. Using a Divorce center only 1 spouse has to show up..

This really really stinks and Im so scared.. Ive never been alone before. I always at least had Damien by my side.. I miss my son so Much and the Holidays were just horrible without him

:sad1:

[dee47]

:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug: You will make it. You are a strong lady with a big heart. It isn't easy and won't be for a while, but you will go on and keep your son's memory alive.

I'm sorry you have to go through all this.
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

[MAKHayes-DisneyDiva]

:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug: You will make it. You are a strong lady with a big heart. It isn't easy and won't be for a while, but you will go on and keep your son's memory alive.

I'm sorry you have to go through all this.
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

Hang in there! You know we're all here for you. :grouphug:

[Jenvenza]

UGH! My heart is breaking for you!!! I am so sorry you are having to go through all of this. :hug::hug::hug::hug:

[MagicMe]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: You are strong and you have a special angel :littleangel: by your side to help you through this. It will take time but you will get used to this new stage of your life and may actually come to enjoy it. But all that will take time. In the meantime, know that you are in our thoughts.

[TammyAlphabet]

Ready to finally tell the news.... Still hoping on a miracle and hanging by a thread it will change..

We are heading down to Florida for a few days.. but not for anything good.. I will be cleaning out my stuff from "Our Dream Home" "Our Future Retirement Home" the home, I just finished decorating..

My husband and I will be divorcing. He has been having an affair with our son's Best Friend for a few months now. I'm beyond devastated, shocked and was blindsided by this. She just turned 20 He will be 40 in January..

I treated her like a daughter.. I can not believe she can do this to me. She knew my husband was hurting because we both talked to her when we took her and our son's other Best Friend to Disney for 2 weeks in the summer to give them a break from dealing with things before school started again.. He told us how he was hurting and felt lost.. And she totally took advantage of the situation for herself.. I don't get it.. She doesn't feel an ounce of guilt, remorse or anything.. She even went with me to a Support Group meeting for Grieving parents..

How do you sleep with your best friend's father and break up your best friend's parents marriage??

He wasn't even gone 6 months when the affair started..

And same for my Husband.. How do you sleep with your son's best friend, a girl he took to Sr prom? and someone who is young enough to be his daughter..

He says they are in love and are planning their future together

Why is it everyone else deserves happiness but me? What did I do to deserve all this pain, hurting, and devastation??

He never once said he was unhappy!!! He said the opposite.. Said he felt closer then ever to me.. I was getting flowers once a week right up until the day I forced him to confess..

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
:sad1:

This is unbelievable! I just happened upon this thread and I was blown away. I lost my husband in Feb. 2008, he was shot in a robbery. Now I am having problems with my teenage son and drugs. I want to send out a virtual hug to you and tell you to hang in there.

I have a friend who lost her daughter and soon after she also got a divorce from her husband. Similar scenario. His excuse was that she was not being nice to him anymore and he was tired of it. Excuse me!! She was dealing with the loss of her child!!!!!! How insensitive they can be sometimes.

[pfishgirl]

:grouphug: Thank You everyone for your Continuing Support & Encouragement & sharing your stories with me

My husband closes on his townhome today and officially moves out for good Saturday morning :sad1:

I do NOT like this at all not one bit.. But again, Im being forced to accept it

:guilty:

[tnkr mom]

Stay strong for your son; he would not want you to be sad!
They say God has a master plan for us all and we do not know how each of us plays in it and to trust in him and he will see you through - easier said than done - I know!
We lost our nephew he was 22 about 2 weeks ago, also suddenly; he was treating for a kidney disease but never thought God would take him from us. I can't imagine your pain but know you have our prayers of support! And an angel looking over you and watching out for goodness to come your way.

[pfishgirl]

Stay strong for your son; he would not want you to be sad!
They say God has a master plan for us all and we do not know how each of us plays in it and to trust in him and he will see you through - easier said than done - I know!
We lost our nephew he was 22 about 2 weeks ago, also suddenly; he was treating for a kidney disease but never thought God would take him from us. I can't imagine your pain but know you have our prayers of support! And an angel looking over you and watching out for goodness to come your way.

Im so sorry for your loss
and Thank You for your kind words & encouragement

[JoiseyMom]

Stacy..I am so sorry Andy did this too you, on top of everything else. One day he is going to wake up and say *** did I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hope to heck you are taking him to the cleaners!! I know that sounds petty..but heck..make him pay! And he wants you to make his life easier by making the divorce faster?? Umm...NO..why...so he can go off with his girl toy??

I am so so so so sorry!!

Hugs!! I am 1 hour away from you..if you need to get away or went to go out..let me know..I am there!!!!!!

[safetymom]

Sending hugs and prayers for all that you are dealing with.

[Jenvenza]

Hope you are doing well! :hug:

[weswife]

Hello, I just read this entire thread. All I can do is shake my head and take deep breaths. I don't have advice, I have never walked in your shoes. I feel so deeply moved by your story. :hug:

I am sorry for your loss. I can not imagine your pain. I have 3 of my own. My DD was very ill in 2007 and was very close to death. I am at a loss for words for you.

As for your divorce oh my is the reply. Its beyond thinking!

I guess I wanted you to know I am thinking and praying for you!:hug: I know we do not know each other and may never meet but you will be in my thoughts. You must be a strong lady and I hope something good comes your way!:)

All the best , take care! If you ever need a chat, I am here daily! Always here to listen and never judge. I will check this site to see if you update how you are.:flower3:

[pfishgirl]

Hi All
Checking In

I really do appreciate all your thoughts prayers and kinds words and for you sharing your stories with me

:grouphug:


Im doing.. ok.. Ok as I can be I guess. Its still very hard and Im hurting for both losses all the time.

Im keeping busy and trying to stay active

I start Vocational School for Medical Receptionist on the 25th. Its an 11 week course and they help build your resume with you. Im excited, and it should keep me preoccupied so Im not sitting around in a big empty house dwelling on what could of or should of been

Again I thank each and every one of you for all your continuous support.. Its my Dis Family who help keep me Strong

:goodvibes

[shoes99]

Hi All
Checking In

I really do appreciate all your thoughts prayers and kinds words and for you sharing your stories with me

:grouphug:


Im doing.. ok.. Ok as I can be I guess. Its still very hard and Im hurting for both losses all the time.

Im keeping busy and trying to stay active

I start Vocational School for Medical Receptionist on the 25th. Its an 11 week course and they help build your resume with you. Im excited, and it should keep me preoccupied so Im not sitting around in a big empty house dwelling on what could of or should of been

Again I thank each and every one of you for all your continuous support.. Its my Dis Family who help keep me Strong

:goodvibes

Thanks for checking in Stacy. You know we think about you every single day.
Aunt Michele

[pfishgirl]

Thanks for checking in Stacy. You know we think about you every single day.
Aunt Michele

Thank You :hug:

Love You

Thanks for still being my family.. You, Judy & Beth are the only ones that actually continue to check up on me.. Its appreciated..

[circhead]

:hug: Stacy.

Congratulations on school.
Damien is helping you find the strength to go on. Good for him.

I hope you continue to go forward. I believe that you are a very strong person for dealing with all the sorrow in your life this past year.

Thinking of you and wishing you well.

[weswife]

Congrats!!!!!!! on going to school!!!!:woohoo:

[tnkr mom]

Thinking of you, how did the start of school go? :goodvibes

[TheDisneyGirl02]

Ugh!!! It's almost over now.. :guilty:

My Husband is closing on his new place early. It was suppose to be Jan 25th. They upped it to next Friday. He will be moving out for good by Saturday..

I won't even really see him this week either.. He is leaving tonight and won't be back til Wednesday. He'll stay here Wednesday & Thursday & possibly Friday but not too sure..

I go on the 19th to the Divorce center to get the process started. Not my choice but he is pushing hard to get it over with..

My heart is so broken and I cry all the time

We should be divorced in March.. He'll be on his cruise with his Girlfriend while I will be in a court room getting a divorce.. Using a Divorce center only 1 spouse has to show up..

This really really stinks and Im so scared.. Ive never been alone before. I always at least had Damien by my side.. I miss my son so Much and the Holidays were just horrible without him

:sad1:

I am so sorry to hear about this. :( :hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

Hi All
Checking In

I really do appreciate all your thoughts prayers and kinds words and for you sharing your stories with me

:grouphug:


Im doing.. ok.. Ok as I can be I guess. Its still very hard and Im hurting for both losses all the time.

Im keeping busy and trying to stay active

I start Vocational School for Medical Receptionist on the 25th. Its an 11 week course and they help build your resume with you. Im excited, and it should keep me preoccupied so Im not sitting around in a big empty house dwelling on what could of or should of been

Again I thank each and every one of you for all your continuous support.. Its my Dis Family who help keep me Strong

:goodvibes

I'm hoping you had a good first day of school. Sending you more hugs because I don't know what else to say... :hug::hug::hug:

[snapppyd]

I never even knew this part of the board existed. Your story was at the top and I just read the whole thing. I'm sitting here crying for you, I am beyond sorry for everything that has happened to you. I really can't imagine what you are going through. :grouphug:

I applaud you for moving on and going back to school. You WILL get through this! You are still a young woman and you can find happiness again. :grouphug:

[pfishgirl]

Update:

School went very well on Monday until she told us we will be meeting for now on in My Son's Old Classroom!!! :scared1: He spent 2 years in that classroom for Medical Assisting.

Panic clicked in a little. I explained to my teacher about my son and she was very understanding. She said IF I have problems with it we can work something out.. Ok whew.. Good to know in advance..

Ok, so the 2nd night of school ( it's only Mon & Wed ) we were lined up outside the classroom waiting and a few of the students who kinda over heard me talking to the Teacher asked if I was OK and Ready to go in.. They were really nice to me and understanding.. :guilty:

We went in and at first I let the room sink in.. And I kept remembering Damien LOVED being in that classroom.. My Dad even said to me, Maybe that was Damien's way of telling me he Approves and is Proud of me for going back to school.. :lovestruc

So far so good. I like the teacher, the other students and the class.

:grouphug: Hugs To All

[Mommy2ArmyBrat]

:hug: I'm so sorry for your loss.

[TaraPA]

How ironic that you are now meeting in your son's old classroom. Maybe you will come to see it as comforting in a way, that he was there before you, and that he's with you know, urging you to continue school & holding your hand all the way. He's there to support you! If it's too much to handle, don't be afriad to let the teacher know, sounds like she will work with you in finding another option.

[shoes99]

Update:
School went very well on Monday until she told us we will be meeting for now on in My Son's Old Classroom!!! :scared1: He spent 2 years in that classroom for Medical Assisting.
Panic clicked in a little. I explained to my teacher about my son and she was very understanding. She said IF I have problems with it we can work something out.. Ok whew.. Good to know in advance..
Ok, so the 2nd night of school ( it's only Mon & Wed ) we were lined up outside the classroom waiting and a few of the students who kinda over heard me talking to the Teacher asked if I was OK and Ready to go in.. They were really nice to me and understanding.. :guilty:
We went in and at first I let the room sink in.. And I kept remembering Damien LOVED being in that classroom.. My Dad even said to me, Maybe that was Damien's way of telling me he Approves and is Proud of me for going back to school.. :lovestruc
So far so good. I like the teacher, the other students and the class.
:grouphug: Hugs To All

Stacy we are very proud of you. Call me anytime if you need to talk.
Aunt Michele

[tnkr mom]

PFishGirl - So glad to hear your updates! Sending you :goodvibes for next week!!)
\

[circhead]

I'm glad the first week went well - even though the classroom was a little unnerving for you. I'm glad the teacher is willing to help you work it out.

I agree with your Dad - Damien wants you there and he's letting you know it. He wants to share with you something he loved.

Good luck on next week. :hug:

[tnkr mom]

So how are you doing?

[MAKHayes-DisneyDiva]

:hug::hug::hug:
Thinking of you!! I hope the course goes well and you find a really great job. You know, there are medical facilities in Orlando that might be hiring! ;)

[pfishgirl]

:hug::hug::hug:
Thinking of you!! I hope the course goes well and you find a really great job. You know, there are medical facilities in Orlando that might be hiring! ;)

Actually, I am seriously thinking about moving to Florida, if the "husband" will let me live in our Florida house.. But... I'm not sure he will.. Since he likes Vacationing at our house and he brings his GF there too and they stay in "our" bed in "our" room.. :sad1: Ughhh I still don't get them

[MAKHayes-DisneyDiva]

Actually, I am seriously thinking about moving to Florida, if the "husband" will let me live in our Florida house.. But... I'm not sure he will.. Since he likes Vacationing at our house and he brings his GF there too and they stay in "our" bed in "our" room.. :sad1: Ughhh I still don't get them

I'm sorry about the gf. That really stinks! Don't let them ruin FL for you!
Isn't it your house too? Could you say "Due to your adultery, I'll be living in the Florida house. I hear that DVC has some nice properties if you wish to vacation in the area..." Easier said than done, I'm sure.
:hug::hug::hug:

[pfishgirl]

Its been officially 9 months since my son passed and I have had a horrible mental week.. and Valentine's Day alone for the first time in many many many years :guilty:

[dee47]

:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

[tnkr mom]

Thinking of you - how are you doing? :hugs:

[luckylab]

you are in my thoughts and prayers. reminds me the loss of my parents.

[pfishgirl]

I'm still hanging in there the best I can
Having good days & bad days like everyone else in the world
School is going well so it helps keep me preoccupied
I still need to find a job. Its so hard when there are so few jobs and so many people looking for anything at all

:grouphug: