View Full Version : Hope this brightens your day

05-20-2009, 05:53 AM
Some of you may have seen this already but i have just got sent this via email and it made me laugh out loud. Hope it does the same for you.

It takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to
fix one.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,'
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots
review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that
ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance
complaints submitted by the Qantas' pilots (marked with a "P"), and the
solutions recorded by maintenance engineers (marked with an "S").

(By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had a

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft...

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200ft per min descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last...................

P: Noise coming from under
instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.


05-20-2009, 06:25 AM

05-20-2009, 06:27 AM

05-20-2009, 06:43 AM

Unfortunatly mines still there, I did laugh though.

05-20-2009, 07:02 AM

That is the funniest thing i have read in ages, I have tears in my eyes:lmao: and i fear i am going to have to poach this and email it to a few people!

05-20-2009, 07:05 AM
This is one of my all time favourites. Whenever I need a laugh, I dig this up (along with a few others along the same lines).

Just going to pop it over to UK Comm. :thumbsup2

05-20-2009, 07:08 AM

Tat's brightened my day!! - thanks!!

05-20-2009, 07:29 AM
Just forwarded it to my FIL who is an Aircraft Engineer! LOL!

scottish mum
05-20-2009, 07:34 AM

05-20-2009, 07:55 AM

05-20-2009, 08:32 AM
:rotfl2: they are brilliant !

05-20-2009, 08:37 AM

05-20-2009, 09:19 AM
1st time for a while I had tears rolling down my cheeks while reading something. Brilliant.:thumbsup2

05-20-2009, 09:35 AM

05-20-2009, 10:14 AM
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :lmao:

05-20-2009, 10:25 AM
Thats brilliant. :rotfl: I may have to pinch this and forward it. :thumbsup2