Controversial...

[anna08]

This is totally NOT my usual persona, but I have had thoughts about adding on without telling my spouse ahead of time. The current incentives with lowered price are SOO tempting, and I have the money available. Obviously I would have to confess when the contract comes to sign, and would have to use *ahem* strong persuasion to get him to sign. Anyone ever done such a thing? I think DVC has made me crazy.....:upsidedow

[maburke]

This is totally NOT my usual persona, but I have had thoughts about adding on without telling my spouse ahead of time. The current incentives with lowered price are SOO tempting, and I have the money available. Obviously I would have to confess when the contract comes to sign, and would have to use *ahem* strong persuasion to get him to sign. Anyone ever done such a thing? I think DVC has made me crazy.....:upsidedow

It completely depends on your relationship. I know that I am more into DVC than my husband, but if I catch him at the right time, with the right persuasive arguments, he has agreed to add-ons. But we have mixed funds in our household -- everything belongs to us both, so there is no such thing as "I have the money available." If you do have money of your own, I guess you could do it in only your name, except for its being an add-on.

It just depends on how financial decisions work in your house. If you know he would be actively opposed to it, I wouldn't do it. It should bring you pleasure, not marital strife.

[BirdsOfPreyDave]

I won't presume to give you marital advise, but will share a personal experience. I found an add-on contract on the Timeshare Store listing about six months ago that was the perfect contract we'd been looking for -- at the resort we like, close to the number of points we wanted, fair price, and lots of banked points.

The week before, we'd had the good ol' "you've got to stop spending money like there's no tomorrow" conversation... well, I call it a conversation, but that's cleaning it up a bit. I was certain that bringing up the add-on contract would do nothing more but re-spark that topic. I was very, very tempted to just call and start the purchase on my own.

Instead, I printed it out and braved the conversation. By the end of the night, I was no longer the one who was most excited about making the purchase. We called that very evening to start the process.

[kristenrice]

I have thought the same thing!

DH is the "reluctant tag along" on our Disney trips. He is not really into WDW and only agrees to go "for the kids." An add-on to him is just a waste of money, but that is because he has no desire to go anyways. (Although he never seems to complain once we get there!) We have already agreed that it is fine for me to go with the kids and he doesn't have to come along if he doesn't want to. (This is because he goes hunting every year for at least a week while I stay home with the kiddos.) I would love to be able to take annual trips, with DH coming along on every third trip. I would like to take the girls in the early summer (flying) and then do a spring break trip (driving) with DH. Unfortunately, our 100 point contract can only be stretched so far. While I do not mind the studios, my main reason for buying DVC is so we could have 1BR (or even 2BR on occasion) villas. Another 25-50 points would go a long way!

Now, if I could just have another one of those good days at the casino...(DH won $12,000 the same day that I won $3500 and that's how I got the DVC in the first place:yay:) If I won $3000 again, my first call would be to my guide to add on 25 points at AKV! I'd tell DH that he couldn't go hunting until he signed the papers:rotfl:.

We are leaving in three weeks for our next trip. This will be DH's first stay at the AKV and I am hoping that he softens a little. I am hoping that we land a savanna view (had to book value to save points for next year with my parents) and I booked us on the Wanyama Safari. I'm even upgrading our flight to business class. I really want this to be a great experience for DH so that perhaps he will be more excited about vacations.

One thing in my favor is that DH is suddenly taking an interest in HHI. Of course, he has ulterior motives...he found a hunting plantation about 1 hour away. Now, HE is trying to convince ME to go to HHI in the early fall:woohoo:. If I were able to acquire the funds for an add-on, HHI would be my "bait". I doubt we'd actually add-on there, at least not without trying it first, but it might help me get another 25 at AKV.

[Crystal_27]

In my marriage, I could never imagine undertaking such a large purchase as DVC without DH's full blessing and knowledge. That said, although I handle the family's household finances, we typically tell each other when we've spent over $50 on a particular transaction (except for groceries, etc.) so there has always been "full disclosure" from very early on in our marriage. It works for us. However, only you know your DH and the dynamics of your marriage. If you think it better to go ahead and add-on points and spring it on him, that's totally your call.

Either way, best of luck to you!! :hug: I just bought in March and I'm already battling add-on-itis. It's soooo temping to want more points. :rotfl:

Check back in with us and let us know what happens!! :goodvibes

[fers31]

The fact that you're making a real estate purchase behind your husband's back is mindblowing. :confused3 Maybe I have a higher moral stance against this because I'm a guy.

[Starr W.]

The fact that you're making a real estate purchase behind your husband's back is mindblowing. :confused3 Maybe I have a higher moral stance against this because I'm a guy.

Hey I'm a girl and I agree with you.

DH and I don't roll that way, we discuss all monetary issues(2 MBA's in the house) to the nth degree.

[I'mNoPrince]

Just go ahead and do it . it's only money and heck you don't even have to tell him when it comes in. Like you never signed his name to anything else.

Your adding on not buying in Do you tell him or does he tell you everything you guys buy . If it's a dollar value you agree on to let the other know then fine but what thehell. There are bigger things to worrry about now a days then an add-on.

[whitfamily]

I would go apoplectic. My mother-in-law goes off a drops $1K+ on a new lap top without telling her the FIL and I am baffled. I would never do that to me DW and if she did it to my trust in her would go out the window.

I think you should tell him and try to persuade him. However money is set up matters little as every undertaking should be a 50/50 venture. If he is unreasonable and won't at least have the conversation then there are other issues at play.

At least this is how I would view my marraige and I think my DW would agree. Everyone has different arrangements though on how such decisions are made, so at the end of the day only you can answer your own question.

[Duckfan-in-Chicago]

You could do like my mother does when she buys something new and my father calls her on it.

Oh these old points? I've had had them for years.

[starbox]

As a general rule, if I feel tempted to be sneaky or hide something I take that as a sign that Jimminy Cricket is trying really hard to tell me not to do it.

I'd have the discussion before getting the papers sent - even if it's your money, I think it just feels more respectful.

[ssawka]

We are leaving in three weeks for our next trip. This will be DH's first stay at the AKV and I am hoping that he softens a little. I am hoping that we land a savanna view (had to book value to save points for next year with my parents) and I booked us on the Wanyama Safari.

Make sure DH leaves his guns at home or he may want to go hunting from your balcony. :rotfl2:

[ssawka]

I think it really depends on how you handle finances in your house. If you have separate accounts, as in "my money" and "your money", then I see no problem with it. If however you pool your funds, then I would be totally P!$$ed if DW did this to me.

[bobbiwoz]

Marriages are different, we're going on 41 years. I wouldn't buy it without at least talking about the purchase over again.

It is also true that over these years there have been very few things that either of us wanted that we haven't gotten eventually even if one wasn't as enthused about the purchase. DH likes more expensive vacations than I do and we've had our share of them.

Bobbi:goodvibes

[Brian Noble]

It completely depends on your relationship.
Yep.

In our marriage, we each have individual discretion to make purchases that cost less than $X. Things that cost more than $X are discussed first. $X is a pretty reasonable number, but even a small DVC contract costs more than $X.

But, we only have "our" money, not "yours" and "mine". If you have some money that is "yours", then it might be a different story.

[BroganMc]

This is totally NOT my usual persona, but I have had thoughts about adding on without telling my spouse ahead of time. The current incentives with lowered price are SOO tempting, and I have the money available. Obviously I would have to confess when the contract comes to sign, and would have to use *ahem* strong persuasion to get him to sign. Anyone ever done such a thing? I think DVC has made me crazy.....:upsidedow

Like everyone else has said, it depends how you've worked out your finances. But even then, if you intend to put his name on the contract you should get his verbal ok first. It's only fair and a lot more respectful.

Isn't one of the main reasons people fight over money because one has felt left out of the decision-making process?

What you could do is get all the information together and then present it to him. There's no committment until money has been transacted.

[gkrykewy]

You need to tell your husband, unless you've got so much "money available" that this is a drop in the bucket.

[rutgers1]

For most people, this is not a drop in a bucket. If it is for you, then it could be justified as a "present" for the family. However, if my wife did that, I would be very upset. Anything costing in the thousands is something that should be discussed, at least in our household.

The fact that you are posting the question here tells me that you think that it is wrong and are looking for someone else to help you justify it. That tells me that you shouldn't do this. Whenever I get that "Perhaps I shouldn't do this feeling," the feeling is right.

[5forDiz]

Like everyone else has said, it depends how you've worked out your finances. But even then, if you intend to put his name on the contract you should get his verbal ok first. It's only fair and a lot more respectful.

Isn't one of the main reasons people fight over money because one has felt left out of the decision-making process?

What you could do is get all the information together and then present it to him. There's no committment until money has been transacted.


Good post & ita especially regarding respectfulness ::yes::

[whitfamily]

Well, depending on what state you live in it doesn;t matter if his name is/isnt on the contract-- he is responsible.

[Anal Annie]

I know you said you had the money for it and I'm glad you're independently wealthy but STILL...:scared: IMO it's not quite the same thing as buying 3 pair of shoes, 2 outfits & a handbag in one shot and quietly slipping them into the closet...

[izzy]

You could do like my mother does when she buys something new and my father calls her on it.

Oh these old points? I've had had them for years.

:lmao::lmao::lmao:

[bumbershoot]

The OP is saying she would need to confess when the contracts came...it's not like she's planning on hiding it away after forging his name (like my FIL did with my MIL's life insurance policy, took a 20K loan from it). He'll know before they're totally committed.

If we were in a position to do such a thing, in our relationship it would work if I were the one making the decision...but it wouldn't work if hubby did it.

[Deb & Bill]

If your husband's name is on the original contract, it will have to be on any add-on contracts. If you leave it off, it will be a new master contract separate from the first.

If his name is on the contract, he will have to sign the paper work which must be notorized.

[circhead]

My hubby is a sweetheart. He has spoiled me rotten for our entire marriage (26 years and counting). We own DVC (350 pts at VWL) and my husband hates amusement parks. I've been to Disney in the triple digits and he's still in single digits.

One time I cosigned a car loan for one of our kids without telling him. I didn't think it would be a problem the kid had a job and the means to pay it. Guess what the kid lost the job and we were on the hook. He had a fit, he told me if I ever committed us to that much money again without talking to him first our marriage would be in serious trouble.:eek:

Talk to your husband - even if the money is separate from your joint money -
he'll probably agree to it if you have a strong enough reason. He's a good guy - you've already got DVC - he may see the sense in having a few more points. Do not put your marriage in jeopardy by making such a big purchase without consulting him.:sad2:

[dianeschlicht]

If your husband's name is on the original contract, it will have to be on any add-on contracts. If you leave it off, it will be a new master contract separate from the first.

If his name is on the contract, he will have to sign the paper work which must be notorized.

That's correct, and legally, even if he is not an owner on it, if he and you are married, he must sign (in some states). Here in our state, ANY real estate transaction (and timeshares qualify for that here) must have the signatures of spouses even if they do not have a financial interest in it. We are currently trying to sell my deceased father's house. I am the PR for my father's estate, but his second wife's children own the other half of the property. That means there are 5 of us total, and even to list this property, we had to have 10 signatures. Even though the spouses have no guaranteed interest, they have inferred ownership by right of marriage.

Besides that....I just wouldn't ever do something like that. Maybe that's why DH and I have been married nearly 41 years!!!

[Simba's Mom]

I'd recommend against forging his signature, if that thought has crossed your mind. I tried that once and I got caught :blush: It was a completely different situation, DH knew, but he was on a long international business trip when the paperwork came, so I thought I'd just speed it along. At that time, no notarization was necessary for add-ons. I've forged his signature so many times, but this time DVC sent it back, saying it didn't match his signature on file well enough. And by the time they received it, then sent it back to me, he was almost home from his business trip, so they got a "legitimate" signature. But it was rather embarrassing!

[Traveliz]

The OP clearly stated (or at least it is how I read it) that she was essentially getting the ball rolling - would have the contract in hand - and would have to persuade him to sign it. There is no mention of her purchasing on her own, forging it, or drugging him to sign it without his knowledge. She even states she has the money available.

I can see in some dynamics how it would be easier to go the route of having everythng ready for him, a clear argument of why its a worthwhile purchase, and the paperwork right there rather than discussing it and then starting the process.

Only the OP knows how things work at her house. And sure I could see doing something like that.

Liz

[yitbos96bb]

This is totally NOT my usual persona, but I have had thoughts about adding on without telling my spouse ahead of time. The current incentives with lowered price are SOO tempting, and I have the money available. Obviously I would have to confess when the contract comes to sign, and would have to use *ahem* strong persuasion to get him to sign. Anyone ever done such a thing? I think DVC has made me crazy.....:upsidedow

Um... that's bad. Just be honest and talk with your spouse.

[La2kw]

I'd never hear the end of it and would probably have to sleep on the couch for at least a month if I made such a large purchase without coming to an agreement with DW first. She usually brings me back to earth when I have such harebrained ideas.

[rlduvall]

In my marriage, I have always taken the 'kindergarten' approach "Do unto others as you want done to you." It's amazing how effective that can be. ;)

Now, don't take that so literal as to mean buy DVC points unto one another, as you would want. :laughing:

[5forDiz]

Only the OP knows how things work at her house.......




Exactly & that would mean she already knows the answer, but she came here asking.....some are for & others against what she's considering


.

[Eliza'sMom]

The thing is, what if you can't convince him once the contract arrives? Aside from the implications for your marriage, what about the sellers? Maybe they're selling for such a fair price because in this economy, they really need that money. What if they would have had other offers that would have come through, but because they accepted your offer and the sale was pending, they missed out on those opportunities? Maybe I'm a fool, but I'd feel guilty for potentially stringing the sellers along that way. Seems like bad karma all around.

[Deb & Bill]

The thing is, what if you can't convince him once the contract arrives? Aside from the implications for your marriage, what about the sellers? Maybe they're selling for such a fair price because in this economy, they really need that money. What if they would have had other offers that would have come through, but because they accepted your offer and the sale was pending, they missed out on those opportunities? Maybe I'm a fool, but I'd feel guilty for potentially stringing the sellers along that way. Seems like bad karma all around.

If a buyer backs out of a resale after the contract has been agreed to by both parties, the buyer loses his/her deposit. The deposit is split between the selling agent and the seller. I've been through that twice with one single contract. I was mad, but got free money. And I wasn't really depending on selling the contract.

[swc1061]

Duck Fan - My mother actually goes to length of hiding stuff in the basement so when she says she's had it for a while she's not kidding

[quentina]

Ok, I am either very lucky or have a very understanding husband....I have...bought our first house without him seeing it (we discussed what we wanted), traded in his cars numerous times for new cars...he would just come and sign the papers and yes...have done add ons without telling him.

I work greater than full time (55-60 hours per week), have a great job (recently got a $30,000 bonus check) and too be honest..I like to spend money!

My husband has the...you work, buy what you want attitude. I will say, he was stressed a few years ago when his Eagle Talon disappeared and the new Mercury Cougar appeared :scared:

[culli]

Wow I need a wife like the ones who post out here:lmao:

Don't get me wrong my wife loves Disney but as far as the research etc, she is like "whatever" just let me know when we are going. I found a great SSR contract bought it she could care less, just got a BCV offer in waiting to pass ROFR she again doesn't care....Trying to get her excited about a deal or anything is well....insert cliche here__________

I would love to have my wife as excited about this stuff as many of you are, your husbands don't know what they are missing. Then she wonders why I'm on the boards all day!

[culli]

Ok, I am either very lucky or have a very understanding husband....I have...bought our first house without him seeing it (we discussed what we wanted), traded in his cars numerous times for new cars...he would just come and sign the papers and yes...have done add ons without telling him.

I work greater than full time (55-60 hours per week), have a great job (recently got a $30,000 bonus check) and too be honest..I like to spend money!

My husband has the...you work, buy what you want attitude. I will say, he was stressed a few years ago when his Eagle Talon disappeared and the new Mercury Cougar appeared :scared:

I like the way you think but.... I would have been filled with joy when my Eagle Talon disappeared and very stressed when a Mercury Cougar showed up:rotfl::lmao::rotfl::lmao: Ok ok that was probably below the belt but couldn't pass it up.:dance3:

[nickspace]

I really feel that making such an expensive purchase without telling your spouse is deceptive and undermines a marriage.

[Disneydonnam]

I did an add on at BLT and surprised my husband with the cruise. We already own at BWV and BCV and I know he would say we didn't need any more points. The incentives they are offering was to good to pass up. I say if you can afford it go for it.

[Dean]

As noted, it depends on your relationship and the reason for the purchase. Some have bought it as a gift or surprise. I'd never do it as stated nor would my wife. I have made RE purchases including timeshares without discussing specifics with her when one time deals come along but I always discuss with her ASAP. But then again I have a track record of making money on those purchases and she does enjoy both the extra income and the vacations.

Given I grew up in an abusive family with a dad that was an alcoholic and a mom that would routinely buy things, not pay for them, hide the bills and then when my dad found out it was the big one, I am a little sensitive to such tactics. If my wife bought a dress or pair of shoes and purposefully hid it from me; I'd likely walk out the door and never return. So she just buys what she wants and tells me she bought it. Fortunately for me she doesn't get carried away in such matters nor have overly expensive tastes. I know some wives I simply could not afford, the problem is I don't think their current spouses really can either no matter how much money they make.

[Hazzard101]

I am in the "I can't believe you would even consider doing this without telling your husband" Group. I am not judging the OP. But I could never imagine spending that kind of money without discussing this with my spouse. In our household we discuss all purchases together. I would vote on telling him. Honesty is the best policy in my book. :thumbsup2

[Disneydonnam]

Ok, I am either very lucky or have a very understanding husband....I have...bought our first house without him seeing it (we discussed what we wanted), traded in his cars numerous times for new cars...he would just come and sign the papers and yes...have done add ons without telling him.

I work greater than full time (55-60 hours per week), have a great job (recently got a $30,000 bonus check) and too be honest..I like to spend money!

My husband has the...you work, buy what you want attitude. I will say, he was stressed a few years ago when his Eagle Talon disappeared and the new Mercury Cougar appeared :scared:

I agree with you. My husband bought a boat without consulting me. I don't understand how buying something makes is being deceptive in a marriage. My husband and I have been together over 23 yrs and married 19. I don't think with any purchases either of us made would we consider it being deceptive. If you can afford the items you are buying I don't see the problem.

[Hazzard101]

I agree with you. My husband bought a boat without consulting me. I don't understand how buying something makes is being deceptive in a marriage. My husband and I have been together over 23 yrs and married 19. I don't think with any purchases either of us made would we consider it being deceptive. If you can afford the items you are buying I don't see the problem.

The thread is called "Controversial" The OP states she would have to "confess" and use "Strong Persuasion" I believe using the context she used in her original post she was feeling like she would be doing something her husband would not be on board with. As commented a few times in this thread, we don't know the inner workings of their relationship but the fact that she posted this in the first place tells me she feels it would be deceptive to a point as well.

I can only speak for myself and I know the beliefs and heart of my wife as well when I say, if it is not a big deal and the money isn't an issue what is the problem with telling the other what you are planning to do?

My wife bought our house without me seeing it just like one of the posters. I was in Alaska fishing. But before she did it she called and we discussed it. I am not speaking for any other posters and realize that every marriage is different. I just know that when I spend our money I discuss it with my DW and she does the same. This way we both know what the other hand is doing.

Getting back to the flavor of the OP Tell your husband what you have found and explain to him what a great deal it is. That way you do not have to deal with a man who feels a little blindsided. If you feel you would have to persuade him to sign the paperwork I think you already know the answer to your OP.

Being a husband I can tell you that I would rather not be surprised in that manner.

OP
This is totally NOT my usual persona, but I have had thoughts about adding on without telling my spouse ahead of time. The current incentives with lowered price are SOO tempting, and I have the money available. Obviously I would have to confess when the contract comes to sign, and would have to use *ahem* strong persuasion to get him to sign. Anyone ever done such a thing? I think DVC has made me crazy.....
__________________

[denegate]

Do you know where I can find some more info on the new incentives? I am currently not an owner but considering it.

[DisDaydreamer]

This is totally NOT my usual persona, but I have had thoughts about adding on without telling my spouse ahead of time. The current incentives with lowered price are SOO tempting, and I have the money available. Obviously I would have to confess when the contract comes to sign, and would have to use *ahem* strong persuasion to get him to sign. Anyone ever done such a thing? I think DVC has made me crazy.....:upsidedow

I haven't read any other posts, but NO! do not do this without including your spouse. I don't know what else to say, except this would undermine trusts between you two. It is not worth it.

[DisDaydreamer]

Ok, I am either very lucky or have a very understanding husband....I have...bought our first house without him seeing it (we discussed what we wanted), traded in his cars numerous times for new cars...he would just come and sign the papers and yes...have done add ons without telling him.

I work greater than full time (55-60 hours per week), have a great job (recently got a $30,000 bonus check) and too be honest..I like to spend money!

My husband has the...you work, buy what you want attitude. I will say, he was stressed a few years ago when his Eagle Talon disappeared and the new Mercury Cougar appeared :scared:

I am happy you have a great job and bring in soo much bacon. However, reading many of the negative posts I see a common thread... how long they have been married. Pay attention to this. It is important. Lots of money makes many things easier, but in the end... who are you living with? Your spouse, lover, soul mate.... or a partner that shares some things with you. Sort of a business understanding.

JMHO... I don't see too many things in black and white, but this I do.

Stepping down from my soapbox now...

[starbox]

I am happy you have a great job and bring in soo much bacon. However, reading many of the negative posts I see a common thread... how long they have been married. Pay attention to this. It is important. Lots of money makes many things easier, but in the end... who are you living with? Your spouse, lover, soul mate.... or a partner that shares some things with you. Sort of a business understanding.

JMHO... I don't see too many things in black and white, but this I do.

Stepping down from my soapbox now...

ITA - in my seventeenth year of marriage. DH and I both work, I make a little more $$ since being promoted. We have a division of who pays for what and maintain our own accounts. I actually pay for vacations. :goodvibes

Neither of us has ever made even a medium large purchase without consulting the other. We are a team and the decisions we make individually will affect us both.

An add-on to get incentives is not a small purchase - even if it's "your money" you guys are a team and should have common vision, plans, and goals.

[DisDaydreamer]

ITA - in my seventeenth year of marriage. DH and I both work, I make a little more $$ since being promoted. We have a division of who pays for what and maintain our own accounts. I actually pay for vacations. :goodvibes

Neither of us has ever made even a medium large purchase without consulting the other. We are a team and the decisions we make individually will affect us both.

An add-on to get incentives is not a small purchase - even if it's "your money" you guys are a team and should have common vision, plans, and goals.

Don't misunderstand me... We are good friends and I know everyone lives different lives, but I don't even understand a division of who pays for what and maintaining different accounts.

Everything we make goes into OUR accounts and we pay all the bills from our accounts (MB does). We share everything else... why not the income and expenses, and decisions. For many years I made WAY more than MB. Now, MB's salary is what is the stable factor in our finances. We are one in love, life, and finances. We share everything but the toothbrushes. Well.. I don't use her makeup either.... I have my own.

:flower3:

[starbox]

Don't misunderstand me... We are good friends and I know everyone lives different lives, but I don't even understand a division of who pays for what and maintaining different accounts.

Everything we make goes into OUR accounts and we pay all the bills from our accounts (MB does).


Well, I'll explain just because I think it relates to the OP's question.

When DH and I were married - we did the typical thing where all the money went into one account and I paid all the bills out of it. He was the main breadwinner, although I had a small part-time job. It seemed fine at the time, and honestly, that's the way 99% of the young couples I knew did it. The wife paid the bills from a joint account.

About 7 years into our marriage, I did a small-group study on marriage that strongly advocated submitting to your husband in the area of finances. It was not even a religious study - it was a secular marriage program. I thought there was NO WAY that would work because I, like many women, felt like I "needed" to control the bill paying. But, I decided to try it.

DH got the checkbook and he gave me a negotiated allowance to spend on groceries and household items (I'd use cash). As skeptical as I was initially, I loved it. :love: I can not even begin to explain how much I loved it - and my husband loved it because he suddenly was able to take a more proactive role with finances.

When I started working and bringing in equal money, instead of him giving me an allowance, I write him a check for the joint account (that he manages) and keep the remainder for "my responsibilities" (groceries, household items, gas for my car, gifts, and vacation).

The core issue I think, is not how a couple decided to divide it (although I heartily advocate allowing husbands the role of main account management). I think the issues are RESPECT, COMMUNICATION, and TRUST. Before we went to the "DH in charge" system - honestly, I did not think he could "handle" paying the bills. Not good. There was not trust or respect on my part - I held the reigns to the joint account and he had to tell me if he used his debit card. Whether you make 10,000 a year or 10,000 a week - I think both spouses need to respect and trust their partner and should communicate about how they would like to spend and save.

Maybe by talking, your DH will say go for it and you won't have to have an icky yukky feeling (or worse - the feeling like you "broke his will" with strong persuasion but that he agreed to something he did not want - that sort of thing is poison to a relationship)

[Telcogirl]

You could do like my mother does when she buys something new and my father calls her on it.

Oh these old points? I've had had them for years.


:lmao::lmao::lmao:

[DisDaydreamer]

Well, I'll explain just because I think it relates to the OP's question.

When DH and I were married - we did the typical thing where all the money went into one account and I paid all the bills out of it. He was the main breadwinner, although I had a small part-time job. It seemed fine at the time, and honestly, that's the way 99% of the young couples I knew did it. The wife paid the bills from a joint account.

About 7 years into our marriage, I did a small-group study on marriage that strongly advocated submitting to your husband in the area of finances. It was not even a religious study - it was a secular marriage program. I thought there was NO WAY that would work because I, like many women, felt like I "needed" to control the bill paying. But, I decided to try it.

DH got the checkbook and he gave me a negotiated allowance to spend on groceries and household items (I'd use cash). As skeptical as I was initially, I loved it. :love: I can not even begin to explain how much I loved it - and my husband loved it because he suddenly was able to take a more proactive role with finances.

When I started working and bringing in equal money, instead of him giving me an allowance, I write him a check for the joint account (that he manages) and keep the remainder for "my responsibilities" (groceries, household items, gas for my car, gifts, and vacation).

The core issue I think, is not how a couple decided to divide it (although I heartily advocate allowing husbands the role of main account management). I think the issues are RESPECT, COMMUNICATION, and TRUST. Before we went to the "DH in charge" system - honestly, I did not think he could "handle" paying the bills. Not good. There was not trust or respect on my part - I held the reigns to the joint account and he had to tell me if he used his debit card. Whether you make 10,000 a year or 10,000 a week - I think both spouses need to respect and trust their partner and should communicate about how they would like to spend and save.

Maybe by talking, your DH will say go for it and you won't have to have an icky yukky feeling (or worse - the feeling like you "broke his will" with strong persuasion but that he agreed to something he did not want - that sort of thing is poison to a relationship)

I understand what you are explaining and hope I didn't offend you. I guess we're strange birds. Our roles are completely non traditional and quite mixed up. We both make the income... MB pays the bills and does the taxes, I do the laundry (ironing icluded) and housecleaning, MB does the groceries and making of meals, I do the dishes, yard work, and gardening. MB does the gift purchasing and wrapping (including Christmas). We didn't really come up with any plan it has just worked out this way. :)

Sorry to the Op for sidetracking her thread.

[BWV Dreamin]

I know there are many methods to financial success. However, it has got to be data entry nightmare to pay bills and make investments based on "his money" and "my money". To the OP, there must be other issues as to why you do not want to discuss this major purchase with your spouse. JMHO. I would urge you to reconsider and talk with your husband.(Rob, we do the same thing here too!)

[Anal Annie]

I understand what you are explaining and hope I didn't offend you. I guess we're strange birds. Our roles are completely non traditional and quite mixed up. We both make the income... MB pays the bills and does the taxes, I do the laundry (ironing icluded) and housecleaning, MB does the groceries and making of meals, I do the dishes, yard work, and gardening. MB does the gift purchasing and wrapping (including Christmas). We didn't really come up with any plan it has just worked out this way. :)

I KNEW I liked you for some reason!:goodvibes

[anna08]

I want to thank everyone for their straightforward and occasionally humorous replies!! I guess I really know I'm not the sort to go through with the purchase without at least mumbling the idea into my coffee cup while we're at the breakfast table, but I was curious to see if my momentary insanity would be in line with anyone else.

You will likely find this amusing...Last year around April I began researching purchasing DVC, and as many here may identify with, became a wee bit obsessed with the Dis boards for information. As soon as the kiddos were off to bed, I was running to get my laptop to see what had been added from the day before. DH also works long hours so really didn't know how obsessed I had become. HE was too busy planning my surprise 40th bday party at WDW to notice!! So July came and he took me and kids to Orlando and arranged to have about 30 of my closest family and friends just show up at WDW around the parks and resorts over the next 3 days. It included a fantastic private party in the Living seas and seeing illuminations from one of those cool little lake spots at Epcot. In the end, the cost was about the buy-in for DVC!!! We laugh about that now - were two contracts happier, and I won't make the same mistake planning his 40th!!

He's an awesome guy, and you all are right. If I had to choose between WDW and him, he would win hands down. I'm going to close the laptop now and start sweet talkin'...:flower3:

[Grandbuddy]

I love a happy ending!

[circhead]

:yay:I love a happy ending!

Me too.

To the OP - let us know the outcome of your sweet talking.


I hope you had a pleasant evening.

[rkwier]

Yep.

In our marriage, we each have individual discretion to make purchases that cost less than $X. Things that cost more than $X are discussed first. $X is a pretty reasonable number, but even a small DVC contract costs more than $X.

But, we only have "our" money, not "yours" and "mine". If you have some money that is "yours", then it might be a different story.

This is how we handle things as well. After 21 years, we have found that it really works for us. We never have the "you bought what for how much????" conversation.

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

Hey I'm a girl and I agree with you.

DH and I don't roll that way, we discuss all monetary issues(2 MBA's in the house) to the nth degree.

Ditto and Ditto.


It's what works for us, but everybody has their own path.

I think your real issue is knowing what your (and your DH's) path is.

I am very clear on what's ok and not ok monetarily for us as a family, as is DH.

(I do have a Sexy Shoe Emergency Exception Clause, however).

[starbox]

You will likely find this amusing...Last year around April I began researching purchasing DVC, and as many here may identify with, became a wee bit obsessed with the Dis boards for information. As soon as the kiddos were off to bed, I was running to get my laptop to see what had been added from the day before. DH also works long hours so really didn't know how obsessed I had become. HE was too busy planning my surprise 40th bday party at WDW to notice!! So July came and he took me and kids to Orlando and arranged to have about 30 of my closest family and friends just show up at WDW around the parks and resorts over the next 3 days. It included a fantastic private party in the Living seas and seeing illuminations from one of those cool little lake spots at Epcot. In the end, the cost was about the buy-in for DVC!!!

Awww - what a great DH. And what a great memory for you. Perhaps if DH is not 100% for another DVC contract right now, you all could decide to do a non-incentive but longer family cruise. :goodvibes If I remember right, the incentive cruise dates are mostly during hurricane season anyway.

[DisneyWalker44]

would have to use *ahem* strong persuasion to get him to sign. As a husband, I want to go on the record and being highly in favor of "strong persuasion." Assuming we are thinking of the same kind of persuasion ;) The whole think sounds like a great plan to me.

Note to DIS posters - Seriously folks, please read what somebody says before blasting them. We have 4 pages of posts criticizing the OP for thinking of buying a timeshare without discussing it with her husband. Go back and see what she actually wrote.

[Dean]

As a husband, I want to go on the record and being highly in favor of "strong persuasion." Assuming we are thinking of the same kind of persuasion ;) The whole think sounds like a great plan to me.

Note to DIS posters - Seriously folks, please read what somebody says before blasting them. We have 4 pages of posts criticizing the OP for thinking of buying a timeshare without discussing it with her husband. Go back and see what she actually wrote.I can't speak for others. At your suggestion, I did go back and read it again, confirmed my first impression that it was not something my wife or I would do and would not be appropriate in our marriage. I think there has been very little criticism and a lot of "I would not do that and here's why" type of posts.

[DisDaydreamer]

Nevermind.

[Disney_Villain]

We just bought BLT shortly after the OP posted this. Fortunately, this time my DH didn't need much arm-twisting. Even so, I kept at hand my 3 recommended "methods of persuasion:


The Suggestion: Let him in on it. Tell him he has the final say on the purchase decision. Then go quiet for a while. See if he bites.
The Itimidation: Threaten to deep-six his teddy bear (in a kindly voice).
The Ultimatum: Show him the cost of a divorce - and how a DVC purchase is way cheaper in comparison. Speadheets help.


I wouldn't use option 3 myself, but I have resorted to option 2. ;)

[Hunclemarco]

Concerning our situation.... My wife comes home from work as i have a huge grin on my face...

DW: What did you do? :confused:
Me: I talked with Humberto today! :rolleyes1
DW: I see... you added 100 pts. :)
Me: No...I added 200!!! :cool1:
DW: :scared1::woohoo::cool1:

She has come home to this conversation 4 times now. I'll end this by saying that we talk about everything together, so she knows she may come home to these conversations.

[Simba's Mom]

Concerning our situation.... My wife comes home from work as i have a huge grin on my face...

DW: What did you do? :confused:
Me: I talked with Humberto today! :rolleyes1
DW: I see... you added 100 pts. :)
Me: No...I added 200!!! :cool1:
DW: :scared1::woohoo::cool1:

She has come home to this conversation 4 times now. I'll end this by saying that we talk about everything together, so she knows she may come home to these conversations.

Wow, when it comes to DVC, your DW is soo lucky! Mine doesn't even know who our guide is, and wouldn't recognize him if he (literally) ran into him. I even took the DVC tour alone-DH didn't care about it one way or another. His response to my desire for a recent add on? "Can we afford? Yes, we can afford!"

[ACDSNY]

Wow, when it comes to DVC, your DW is soo lucky! Mine doesn't even know who our guide is, and wouldn't recognize him if he (literally) ran into him. I even took the DVC tour alone-DH didn't care about it one way or another. His response to my desire for a recent add on? "Can we afford? Yes, we can afford!"

I think our DH must be related...mine wouldn't know our guide either, but he learned how to sign by the mouse and date by the palm trees very well.:rotfl:

[anna08]

A happy update - he got an email about the current incentives and asked me if we should be taking advantage of them!! No strong persuasion needed :lmao:
We'll be adding on after our upcoming trip I believe :goodvibes Thanks for everyone's input. It made for some interesting reading in an otherwise routine DVC Dis board lately!

[Hunclemarco]

Congrats! He may still like the "ahem" strong pursuasion!! :rotfl:

[DisDaydreamer]

A happy update - he got an email about the current incentives and asked me if we should be taking advantage of them!! No strong persuasion needed :lmao:
We'll be adding on after our upcoming trip I believe :goodvibes Thanks for everyone's input. It made for some interesting reading in an otherwise routine DVC Dis board lately!

:goodvibes Very lucky... :beach:

[kent285]

A happy update - he got an email about the current incentives and asked me if we should be taking advantage of them!!

Awww...that was just too easy! Congratulations!! FWIW-I've really been enjoying this thread-thanks OP.

[momx2]

I understand what you are explaining and hope I didn't offend you. I guess we're strange birds. Our roles are completely non traditional and quite mixed up. We both make the income... MB pays the bills and does the taxes, I do the laundry (ironing icluded) and housecleaning, MB does the groceries and making of meals, I do the dishes, yard work, and gardening. MB does the gift purchasing and wrapping (including Christmas). We didn't really come up with any plan it has just worked out this way. :)

Sorry to the Op for sidetracking her thread.

OMG! Finally a set up like my DH and mine. We have the exact same division of labor and it just happened, fell into place that way. I was just thinking this weekend how odd we are and that maybe I should do more, but feel much better now. Also, he works less than me and works from home, so it really makes sense to us.