Depression

[starrzone]

Hi everyone,

I've been lurking here for ages and have wanted to post this, but I guess I've been sort of hesitant. You see, I have long suspected that something was wrong with me; I'm 27, and for the past 10 years something has felt a bit "off"; I was failing and dropping classes at university (even though I know I'm smart), I would gain and lose weight, sleep a lot, etc. My father finally told me that there is quite a history of depression on his side of the family, and that he himself has been going through much the same kind of thing I have for the past few years (he had a very high-stress job until he retired in December of 2004).

I went to the doctor last week, and he prescribed me the same medicine my father is taking, so I'm waiting to see how that affects me. I'm looking into whether or not my health plan covers psychologist visits; there's no way that I can afford $100+ an hour to see one, even though I think it would help me tremendously.

I guess I'm just wondering if you or a family member has struggled with depression, and if so, if you'd be willing to share a bit about it. I'm scared stiff about what this diagnosis means for me; I have a supportive family (for the most part; I am much closer to my father than my mother, but that's another story and I've accepted that she's not going to change at this point), but I'm just afraid that the condition will cause me to lose jobs, friends, and make me into someone I'm really not. Does that make sense? *sigh*

Thank for listening :hug:. Sometimes this might be the only place I feel I can come and talk. You guys seem like a great, supportive bunch! :cloud9:

[peemagg]

I think that you will find quite a few of us has or is suffering from some sort of depression. Some is a chemical imbalance and some is from their disability.

I suffered with it when I was in my 20's. I was put on several meds and was also hospitalized for my own safety for a few days. After years of help I have learned to deal with the problem and have put that part of my life behind me. I was diagnosed with Seasonal Affective Disorder and OCD. The worst times for me is in the winter when I can't get outside to get the sun that I need.

Hang in there. It can be overcome with some assistance. The best thing is to have a good support system. That can make all the difference in the world.

[Schmeck]

My depression started with postpartum, then SAD, then full blown anxiety attacks and massive depresson after my cancer diagnosis. Medication has helped, seeing a councilor has helped (your university should have some service, I would hope) but the one thing that has helped me the most is talking to myself.

Yes, I talk to myself - pep talks, scoldings, reminders, etc. One of the best times is while I'm driving, people may think I'm nuts, but it's actually keeping me sane. Stuff like - OK, what are you worried about, how can you solve that problem, let go of that worry, it belongs to someone else. I do 'reality checks' on myself - do I remember feeling happy lately? Do I remember the last time I smiled, laughed? If I can't, I know I need to see a councilor or at least call my doctor.

One important thought about depression can be summed up like this:

"The brain has been trained to complain"

I think of it as a wiring problem, or a traffic problem. The pathways in your brain are signaling complaints, getting bogged down in traffic so that the positive stuff isn't getting through. These problems can be fixed, but you have to get the brain to send a signal through a different pathway, one that doesn't trigger the depression. Meds can really help if you find the right one, and talking about problems can help too. Exercise releases beneficial chemicals as well. Caffeine can make it much worse (my vice) as can alcohol.

It can take a while to retrain the brain pathways, and I'm thinking that it's an unending process, but one that can get significantly easier as time goes by. I also think just realizing that you have depression is a very big step in the right direction!

[james'mommy]

I'm bipolar but a major part of my sypmtoms is massive depressive episodes. Which is to say I have extreme long term depression. It's also pretty drug resistant. So bad that I was begging for electro shock treatment. The key is to make sure the meds work. It can take 4-6 weeks for the drugs to kick in. If after this time you feel like the drugs aren't working don't be afraid to ask your pdoc for a different drug. I've tried almost every drug that is available. I've been diagnosed for over 2 years and am still looking for the right drug combo. Good luck.

[toocherie]

I agree with Schmeck--it is very important--with any illness--to have a positive attitude. Focusing on the negative just perpetuates the issues and can make you feel even worse than you did already.

The other thing to remember is that when you project a positive attitude people around you reflect that back--I went to a seminar the other night about the "law of attraction"(no-not a dating seminar:laughing:)--now whether this is true or not, the seminar giver indicated that we all give off "vibes" and that if you are around someone who has vibes lower than you, it can pull your vibe down. (I know--really New Age-y). So it would seem to me that the reverse is true--if you are around someone whose vibe is lower than you you can pull them up!

People would rather be around someone cheerful than someone who complains and rants about their illnesses and problems all the time. Once someone knows you have an issue (be it physical or mental illness) constantly bringing it up just focuses your energy on negative aspects of your life. And more importantly it shifts YOUR focus to the illness and not the good in your life.

You become known as your illness rather than "Susie." I don't know about you, but I don't want to be known as "that woman with fibromyalgia, arthritis and replaced knees." My Dis friends know I ride an ECV for physical issues, but most of them don't know what exactly those issues are--I don't bring it up. And it's not an issue for them because usually we're talking about Disney, family stuff, boys, Disney and where and what we're going to eat next!

Focus on the positives of your life--if you encounter a problem think: "what are my options to solve this problem?" then pick one and don't look back!

and smile! it sounds trite but it really can work!

[4orm]

I see you're in Canada. I'm not sure which province you're in but OHIP in Ontario does cover psychotherapy if your Dr. refers you. I have anxiety and I've been seeing my therepist now for two years. It's totally covered and I highly recommend it.

Hi everyone,

I've been lurking here for ages and have wanted to post this, but I guess I've been sort of hesitant. You see, I have long suspected that something was wrong with me; I'm 27, and for the past 10 years something has felt a bit "off"; I was failing and dropping classes at university (even though I know I'm smart), I would gain and lose weight, sleep a lot, etc. My father finally told me that there is quite a history of depression on his side of the family, and that he himself has been going through much the same kind of thing I have for the past few years (he had a very high-stress job until he retired in December of 2004).

I went to the doctor last week, and he prescribed me the same medicine my father is taking, so I'm waiting to see how that affects me. I'm looking into whether or not my health plan covers psychologist visits; there's no way that I can afford $100+ an hour to see one, even though I think it would help me tremendously.

I guess I'm just wondering if you or a family member has struggled with depression, and if so, if you'd be willing to share a bit about it. I'm scared stiff about what this diagnosis means for me; I have a supportive family (for the most part; I am much closer to my father than my mother, but that's another story and I've accepted that she's not going to change at this point), but I'm just afraid that the condition will cause me to lose jobs, friends, and make me into someone I'm really not. Does that make sense? *sigh*

Thank for listening :hug:. Sometimes this might be the only place I feel I can come and talk. You guys seem like a great, supportive bunch! :cloud9:

[cmmc]

It's good that you're asking for help. I don't know if you've seen the Globe and Mail Special Report on Mental Illness http://www.theglobeandmail.com/breakdown/ but it's a very good resource.

I did Cognitive Behavioural Therapy last year to help me to get to WDW. It was 6 sessions offered through the Outpatient Psychiatry clinic of my local hospital. They also run a more intensive 6 week, full time program. Both are covered by OHIP. I know there is also therapy available in the community on a sliding scale.

I hope that the medication works for you and I'm glad you have your Dad for support.

[peemagg]

I had a therapist who's favorite line was "fake it until you make it". I remember that line well and recite it to myself now when I'm not feeling quite up to par. It means that if you keep thinking you can over come this and you keep it up you will make it to that goal.

[Schmeck]

One of the award ceremony speakers at the high school I work at gave this great advice, which echoes what others have said:

"Smile. Fake that smile if you have to. Your brain can't tell the difference, and pretty soon it starts to realize that you are smiling, so you must be happy."

Of course it's not always that simple. There's more to beating depression than just plastering a smile on your face, but it's one tool in my toolbelt that seems to help me, along with talking to a councilor, talking to my self, and meds when it gets really bad.

[pudge the fish]

chemical imbalance all the way here!
a smile can help :)

I find I get bad when I get way too busy and have no quiet time
I had to learn I was important and mattered and needed ME time.

I have no other advice but lots of :hug: and support to hand out and a ear to listen:)

[mechurchlady]

I am a neurovariant, hypersensitive, lack social skills and thus have depression at times that I call the darkness. For me it is the people whose posts seem to indicate that they watch me waiting to find my flaws.

I was talking to someone today and she said in a letter how she could read me. The evil people in life can read you and cause you havoc. The dearest friends can read you and be your rock when life is overwhelming you and you have no hope. When I am in darkness, physically hurting, or sad then my mother feeds off that and shuts down then causes fights. When I am calm and happy then she is at ease so I stay happy. It is a vicious cycle.

I find talking to a group of ladies helps, hanging with neurovariants and their families helps, helping others helps, and getting out of the house helps. There are medications for depression but also important is to get to the root triggers of the depression. Definitely stay with this board as most of us have some limitation or problem in life and can commiserate with you.

There is nothing to be ashamed about. Be yourself and learn to reckonize when you are going into the darkness. If you are getting sad then take a break and watch comedies or listen to something silly. Talk to friends online who will be there 24 hours a day or play Pogo and find people on late night to talk with. The key for me is knowing when I am going into the darkness and then stopping the darkness from engulfing me.

I send you big hugs and chocolates. Remember that on this board when you are feeling down there will be an angel or sunshine person there to make the darkness not so dark.

:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
:surfweb:
Laurie

[starrzone]

:grouphug: Thank you SO much to everyone who has posted; I have read each and every reply. I am sitting here with tears in my eyes, knowing that there are people who truly understand and are here for me when I need to "spout".

Thanks especially to mechurchlady. I think the thing that struck a chord with e was There is nothing to be ashamed about. Be yourself and learn to reckonize when you are going into the darkness. For years I was afraid; I was starting to think and act in ways that were just not me. I lost my zest for life. I am getting much better at recognizing when I am not doing well :)

Oh, and thanks to cmmc for that Globe and Mail link. I had seen the article a few months ago, before I was willing to acknowledge that I had a problem. It's long since gone into the recycling bin, and I was hoping that I'd get to read it again!

4orm: I found out today that my health plan covers 80% of therapist visits up to a maximum of $300 per year. Not a lot, but it's a step in the right direction. Why don't people realize that mental health is just as important as physical health? Grrr...

[RF536]

I am currently struggling with depression myself so I can relate to how you are feeling. Since you are close to you dad, I would suggest that if possible have him accompany him to your next appointment, sometimes the people close to us can bring things to the doctors attention that we don't see. Don't give up, while it can take time to find the right combination of medication and therapy to get you back to where you are feeling more like yourself.

[mechurchlady]

Big hugs back.

I call it the darkness because it is like an evil force that engulfs you so that you cannot see anything bright and happy any more. that yummy cheeseburger now is just out of reach and you just do not want to go to it any more as you do not see it or the darkness makes you not want to move. It gets so you just give up on life when in the darkness.

The only answers besides medication is self awareness and sunshine beacons and rocks. You have to force yourself to keep going on, find happy thoughts, and be around happiness and bright things. You need them rocks to cling to when you are drowning in the darkness and them rocks are people who love you for who you are on the inside and will fight to keep you afloat until you get your feet on solid ground. Sunshine people are the ones who write you and tell you things that make you feel good about yourself. Also a busy mind helps in that as long as you are busy saving others from the darkness, working, or playing then you do not think about the darkness and your positive thoughts and emotions will keep you from the darkness. Nothing like being alone then letting:hug: your mind wonder and wander and you start thinking about them people saying things and doing things then BOOM you are in the darkness.

Big hugs
Laurie

[CSS1996]

I too suffer from depression, as well as anxiety and I have for almost 20 years. It was years before I realized what was wrong, I always knew something was, but didn't know what the "something" was. If that made any sense! You've made the first huge hurtle and that is admitting you have depression. Your father being supportive is another very important thing, for years I didn't have anyone I could talk to about my depression. I just recently started to see a therapist and I can't tell you how much of a differance it made in my life. The first time I left there I felt so much better, almost empowered. She has taught me so many ways to cope. DO NOT feel ashamed, more people suffer from depression than you could ever know. Best of luck to you. :hug::flower3::hug:

[saveaquarter]

Talk to friends online who will be there 24 hours a day or play Pogo and find people on late night to talk with.

Laurie! J and I play on Pogo.com all the time! What a small world :rotfl: We play Yahtzee just about every day. I have the same username over there, if you ever happen across me. Just don't mention how freely I talk about his Aspergers and etc, he'd be mortified.


Also, so I'm not totally hijacking here- as someone who has suffered depression and watched those I love suffer as well, I can say this. The most helpful thing I've ever experienced is to know that I wasn't alone, and that there were people who understood. The hardest thing was having people tell me what would 'work' when I knew it wouldn't, had tried it already, etc.

There are some very wonderful and nice people in this section of the DISboards, and you'll find a lot of support and group hugs here when you need them.:goodvibes

[Floydian]

You're not alone. Heck, until now, I didn't even realize that I wasn't alone.

mechurchlady: You've managed to describe things in my life that I never thought anyone understood. I thought I was the only one who knew about "the darkness", how it sucks you in, blocks out all of the light, and seems to feed on itself unless you find that way out. Heck, once inside, it's like even the good things can turn bad, and become like nagging reminders of what you're not enjoying, instead of hope for what you can enjoy.....

Anyway, wow, umm...kinda teary-eyed right now...omg...Ok, we are not alone.

This isn't fair. I just came over here to ask about arthritis treatments...not find even more problems.:goodvibes

[starrzone]

That's just it...I knew I wasn't alone, but I FELT alone. I would act in certain negative ways, and do things that were totally out of character for me, and have people in my own family and close circle reprimand me and scold me, telling me to be not so messy, not so careless of others' feelings, not so lazy, not so disorganized...but the person acting that waywasn't me. Now, with a combination of medicine and therapy, I'm hoping that things look brighter!

Since going through this journey of self-awareness, I have become so much more aware of problems others might be having. If a store clerk is rude, I wonder, "What is going on in her life? Maybe there's something wrong with her health and she doesn't even know it", or if I'm behind someone in a line who is taking a REALLY long time, I stop and think "It seems like this person has been through a lot in his life. He might be slow as molasses, but he's doing such a good job and trying really hard". I must say that I have never had much patience, but now I look at things in a whole new light. The whole "walk a mile in someone else's shoes" is so very true. :goodvibes

[saveaquarter]

Since going through this journey of self-awareness, I have become so much more aware of problems others might be having. If a store clerk is rude, I wonder, "What is going on in her life? Maybe there's something wrong with her health and she doesn't even know it", or if I'm behind someone in a line who is taking a REALLY long time, I stop and think "It seems like this person has been through a lot in his life. He might be slow as molasses, but he's doing such a good job and trying really hard". I must say that I have never had much patience, but now I look at things in a whole new light. The whole "walk a mile in someone else's shoes" is so very true. :goodvibes


That is a great attitude to have :thumbsup2

[C&G'sMama]

Another depressed person here:goodvibes, seriously.

I was officially diagnosed as depressed (I never really got any thing more than that as a diagnosis) about 16 years ago (it's hard to believe it's been that long). I have taken prozac since that time (I know it's not for everyone but it's worked for me). I was in therapy for a couple of years. I was always a very lonely person but I always managed to get by. Then when I was 29 I stopped sleeping. I heard a public service announcement on the radio. "Do you have trouble sleeping..." I don't remember the rest but that's the part that got me. I talked to a good friend who encouraged me to talk to my doctor who got me to a good therapist. I still have my moments but I too "fake it 'til I make it" sometimes but for the most part I'm pretty good most of the time now.

Good luck. And there is a great supportive group here.

[mechurchlady]

The worst thing is when you are shunned and become an outcast. You try to fit the norm and be clean, pretty, perky and have a perfect mask on where people see you as the perfect person when you are so sad.

I am paying for the actions of others but slowly am recovering from major problems like swelling and hypersensitivity to pain that I never seem to get. I have gotten by with the help of my friends online. I got a list I could show you of nice people who are rocks and sunshine angels. I am so alone in real life because I live my life in my room away from church and society. Online are people I help and kids who worry about me. Online has been good to me as they do not know how I smell, how I eat, or what I wear. They love me for my soul not for my outward appearance.

Hugs Sue tight and then hsu her again. Oops I ruffled your angel wings again. Thank you Sue for being there for us in the hard times.

Hugs Becky adn bookworm and everyone who care for me and keep me going in the dark times. Hugs Bok Choy Momma 10 times as you been there for me too.

This board is so helpful and helps us to see we are not alone. There are others with the same problems we face.

Hugs and chcolates and bok choy and cupcakes and ice cream for all.
:surfweb: :cloud9::hug: :grouphug::cheer2: :grouphug:popcorn::
Laurie

When the darkness is on you then try to find a friend or if nothing else find a chat room such as Pogo where you can talk to people. There are angels all around you but you cannot see them unless you really need them. I know one who wear's nurse's shoes.:thumbsup2 :flower3: :hug:

[honugirl]

Hey Starr! We miss you over on the PBA thread (look for Pi Beta Alpha on the CB, that's our new unicorn thread) anyway, sorry I didn't see this sooner. I've been dealing with depression for a lot of years, probably 15-20 or longer. Does it come and go or does it hang over you all the time? Mine loved to come and go. They tried to hang the bipolar label on me. I resisted and turns out, I was the correct one. It was because of my hormone fluctuations. Please have them test you to see where your hormone levels are, including your stress hormones: ie cortisol. Hormone fluctuations can also cause the weight gain and loss. Feel free to PM me anytime. I'm there for you and so are your unicorn sisters!

[ChevyNat]

Hi everyone, I feel for all of you! I sometimes am soooo tired, you see I got a divorce 2 years ago (already) and I fought for everything,(he walked out on me and the 2 kids after being together for 20 year, told me that he wanted to leave, have fun and no responsabilities) So I now work 2 jobs and have the kids full time... about a month ago, I just felt tired, frustrated, angry and sad all together just a rush of emotions, I just wanted to crawl into bed and not face the world anymore. But I pushed through with the help of a very good friend...
It's go, go, go for me for 2 years now, I keep myself busy, but sometimes it's sooo hard. I don't think I'm depressed but the rush of mixed emotions sometimes makes life difficult to deal with. ha! I wish everyone the best! :grouphug:

[mechurchlady]

Big hugs and even i fyou are not officially depressed you can learn from people with depression. I learn so much from autism that helps me deal with my nonautistic mother. Hang around this board and subboard to learn a lot and have friends to lean on.:hug: :hug: :hug: :cheer2: :grouphug:

[ChevyNat]

Thank you! I just love this board... everyone was a big help when I turned here for advice about my divorce... I really feel like I have good friends here!!!!

[pudge the fish]

Hijacking thread - But I am feeling really down so since this is a depression thread it works:)
didn't fell like starting a new one
I am feeling depressed and down and ICK and just wanna hide in a hole and not come out:(

I apologize in advance for the whining and feeling ICK- please stop reading now if you hate whining :goodvibes


Ok you were warned not to read more if you didn't want to read me whining:
I have a "Event" to go to tomorrow night and I wanted to look nice- I have nice dresses but I have added a few ( ok A LOT of ) extra pounds and nothing fits- I have been pretending that I am NOT eating bad again and stress is not affecting my food issues.

now I am under 5 foot tall -more like 4' 10'' (maybe if I am standing on a piece of paper I am close to 4'10") and I am overweight- First do ya know how hard it is to find a dress to fit? second do ya know how hard it is to find a skirt that won't sweep the floor when ya wear it?? :scared: so poor hubby goes without dinner and takes me to the mall as I can't drive at night and can I find anything?? of course not- then I get into a snit and refuse to spend 60.00 on a dress I may only wear 1 time.
So I will wear one of my every day skirts and tops and pretend not to care when I really do - I just wanted to look nice.

and then I am mad at me and want to eat non- stop because I am upset..the old food will make me happy issues and then I get even more
:sad1:

I am tired of not doing things right and I am tired of my family laughing or telling me I always fail when I try and lose weight. they are right I go good for a while and then blow it. Instead of complaining I should get off my butt and do something about it- but it's hard and I have issues with food.
I guess it makes no sense to others -But it makes sense to me.

thank you for letting me whine :)
:hug:to all

[mechurchlady]

You see that you are in a cycle. Eat, get fat, get depressed, eat. Eat normally and when you feel the urge find something else to do. Last night I was so near a meltdown because I HAD TO HAVE ICE CREAM, lots of it. I got a pint at the store as a treat for mom then went to 7-11 and got the allergen free potato chips in a single serving bag and a small slurpee. Sugar, crunch, time out, and freezing cold drink hit the spot. I fought and won.

Now Pudge dearest chin up. It is too late to get the dress tonight. Go tomorrow to the store and buy the $60 dress. If you do not wear it again then right it off your taxes as a donation to a charity like the ones that give used dresses to business women.

You cannot go to the event without the dress. The event is important to you. We can deal with food issues later. Common Pudge chin up and think lovely thoughts of WDW trips and all the wonders of the world. Think of the event and how happy you will be to get out of the house.

hugs for dearest Pudge, do not make me get on a plane and come all the way over there to hug you in person then drive you to Wal Mart and get you a dress, a hidious ugly dress that makes you look like goth gone country.
:lmao:

[pudge the fish]

:lmao: and in the area I live in goth gone country would be about our Walmart styles:)

I am better today- over my mood- still not all right as I really have to fight these food issues. I now how to eat properly- I know I can do it-I just can't SEEM To do it.

I went to a store like Ross and got a dress for 15.00 on clearance- was 55 normally and it looked pretty nice. got a pair of shoes to match for a DOLLAR on close out:) I am a bargin shopper!
Went and had a nice time and had prime rib- I really don't like prime rib it is too rare for me but I nibbled and did NOT eat the Dessert.


Anyone comes to visit I have to drag you to Disney and meet my fav Cm's and super secret places to see fireworks & eat many Dole Whips :)

I am getting my FIRST dole whip on Sunday:dance3:
I have been so many times and NEVER had a dole whip:confused3 just never paid attention to dole whips:)
we are eating at crystal palace for lunch -it will rain 40 % chance so afternoon will be dashing around in crocs. but we have ponchos and it will be fun.
:hug:to everyone for letting me whine and complain.

[mechurchlady]

I have a mother so unless I win a million dollars I will never be over at WDW ever. Finances and mother together you know.

If you are at DLR I will show you the sites and get you a Dole Whip. Now you feel even better because you got stuff for a steal. Shopping is good for the soul, lol.

Glad you had a good time and nibbled on the dessert. How was the dessert? As you know I have food issues. At the Wine and Food fesstival I skipped dessert except that yummy sauce as it was NOT worth the suffering. I am paying for the cupcake I ate last night, still. It has to be something yummy good for me to cheat. That or severe depression.

Big hugs Pudge and chin up but out here not too high or you are a seagull target. If I could invent one thing it would be a healing machine and the second thing would be a diaper for pigeons and seagulls.:confused3

[starrzone]

Not having a great day today. It's because of a lot of things, which I may mention later...but I just need a hug! I hate having bad days...people just keep saying things like "Find something that will cheer you up". The thing is, sometimes nothing will! Ugh...I hate this condition...

[PrincessKsMom]

Hey star, sorry to hear it's rough going for you right now. :hug:

[starrzone]

Hey star, sorry to hear it's rough going for you right now. :hug:

:flower3: Thanks for the support PrincessKsMom, and thanks to everyone else who has posted on this thread. I think just talking to people who understand helps me a heck of a lot. :)