OT - daughter in basketball getting made fun of

[TashaRVT]

Hey all -

I need some advice; and so, I'm once again turning to all of you fellow DIS'ers to add in your two cents worth!

DD9 (almost 10) started basketball classes through Parks and Rec 2 weeks ago; she's never really played before, but was PUMPED. It just so happens that she's the only girl in the class - no biggie, she's aware of it, but it's not a huge deal to her. Unfortunately, after 2 classes, she's taking quite a beating in terms of the teasing and being made fun of by the other boys. She hasn't been scared away from class yet, but now they've (the boys) really started making fun of her, how she runs, etc. They're even moking her for drinking out of er Hannah Montana water bottle! :confused3:confused3

I understand what's going on and that it's just a bunch of little boys doing what's natural for them, but I don't know a) how to put a stop to it (it that can e done), and b) how to help DD deal with it. DH and I have explained the "why" behind their behaviour to her as best we can, but being the mama bear that I am, I don't want my baby having the put up with that ****!

Help! :confused::confused::confused:

[Ham Ham]

Is this an opening program or are there instructors?

I would speak to who ever is running the program and the instructor about the bullying. Learning how to play a game is also about being a good sport. The behavior of the boys is the class is unacceptable but not surprising since adults in the seats at hockey games are not stellar examples.

My youngest DD took a dodge ball a last year was only one of 2 girls and there we no bullying issues.

[LSmith]

Well you can talk to the coach but it will just continue behind his back. I'd say if she is bothered by this then you should pull her out. If she just started two weeks ago than you should be able to recover the rest of the money.

Kids can be cruel and it's like a bad disease that spreads from one kid starting it and the rest following.

Look for a girl's basketball camp where she will better fit it.

Being bullied can really take a toll mentally on a child.

[murcor]

I agree

talk to the coach

I'd say if she is bothered by this then you should pull her out.

Kids can be cruel and it's like a bad disease that spreads from one kid starting it and the rest following.

Being bullied can really take a toll mentally on a child.

Thats too bad where something that should be fun turns into this :hug:

[Cdn Gal]

I wouldn't take her out- only if it becomes really, really bad. Show her some of those girl power movies where girls have had to play on teams with boys. Talk to her and make sure she knows that what the boys are doing is something called 'sexist.' Talk to the instructor/coach. You would actually be amazed at what coach's/instructors can do...Be there during practice and if you see it perhaps talk to their parents. It pisses me off like nobody's business when girls are treated differently b/c of their sex. It also isn't fair that she should have to quit. The boys will never change unless they are taught that it is wrong. They will grow up and continue to bully women. We all know where that can potentially lead. If this was happening on my team, I would talk to the whole class and tell the kids that if I ever caught wind of it again they would be out of the program. I would also talk about the social and legal ramificiations if it did not stop immediately. They will get it- I teach this age group. I had a group a few years ago that were my 'hockey boys.' At the beginnning of the year they tried to pull a few things with the girls during phys.ed. class. I made sure that it stopped. ;) And that's all I'm going to say about that.

[dancin Disney style]

Is this an opening program or are there instructors?

I would speak to who ever is running the program and the instructor about the bullying. Learning how to play a game is also about being a good sport. The behavior of the boys is the class is unacceptable but not surprising since adults in the seats at hockey games are not stellar examples.

My youngest DD took a dodge ball a last year was only one of 2 girls and there we no bullying issues.

I agree...speak to the instructor. Since this is a co-ed program it is the responsibility of the instructor and parks & rec to keep things under control. I would make it painfully clear to them that they must provide an acceptable environment for your DD.

I also agree with CDN Gal....be present during the classes.

It sounds like you have told your DD all the right things about the behavior of others. Just keep it up. Unfortunately, this might be one of those hard lessons. Sometimes if you have to just put up with other people. That's just the way life is.

[Ham Ham]

Agreed. This needs to be brought to the attention of the folks organizing this so the boys can learn a lesson about respect and bullying.

[LSmith]

Well, I don't know where your Parks and Rec is but in Toronto most programs are run by a bunch of teenagers. Most of my kids coaches are teenagers and aren't going to know how to react to that kind of situation. The supervisors, at least in Toronto, takes care of at least 3 or 4 different community centres. You aren't going to get the best response there for sure.

You could speak to the parents but how many parents will admit their kid is a bully?

If you keep your daughter there watch her the entire time.

And don't wait for it to get really bad. That doesn't make sense to me at all. Take her out and demand a full refund

[TashaRVT]

Thank you everybody for your input - keep it coming!!

I'm so upset about this - it may seem like such a silly thing to some of you for me to be mad about, but I'm hoppin' mad!! Why should my daughter have to give up something she really wants to do just because she's a girl?! I thought we were past this kind of thing, you know?
In actuality, it never even OCCURED to me that she might be the only girl when I signed her up; I guess maybe I'm naive, I've always tried to instill in my kids that they are no "girl" or "boy" toys, just toys. Or that there are no "girl" or "boy" games, there are just games. I'm not an idealist by any means, and I totally recognize that there are going to be things that DD9 and DS7 will classify as either too girly or too masculine or whatever, but I never really thought basketball would be one of those things!

The guys that "run" it are just kids themselves; 16 or 17 maybe. I just don't really feel that talking to them would do much good; do you guys think it would change anything, or possibly make it worse??

[grover]

Do parents stick around while the kids play?

I don't think it matters if the coaches are 17 or 27-they are being paid to do a job-if they don't yet have the capabilities to handle the situation they need to take it up to their supervisor and figure out what to do, they can't be allowed to turn a blind eye to it-kwim. It could be a learning experience for them and they would know they need to be keeping a eye on things.

I hope this gets resolved and indeed I would be feeling just like you are-it is not something to be taken lightly and I can see you feel that way!

[LSmith]

Just don't get caught up in the fact that they are bullies because they are boys and she is a girl. Bulling is very common. Boys bully boys and girls and girls bully boys and girls. Basically if you are a bully you are going to pick on anyone that you deem cannot kick your a@@. My son was bullied for years for being the shortest in his class. He is now 6'3 but was the shortest kid until grade 10. It was brutal.

My daughter has been bullied by other girls because she excels in everything she does and she is beautiful and sweet too. Luckily for her she can take it much better than my older son ever could.

I have seen girls bully boys severely. Not funny. Most of the time kids don't even have a clue that they are bullies. I guarantee that their parents will never see their children that way.

It sucks and I feel for you and your daughter. Just protect her any way you can.

[disneyvacationmom]

Most City run rec programs have a zero tolerance to bullying--definately I would talk to someone in charge.

[LSmith]

Most City run rec programs have a zero tolerance to bullying--definately I would talk to someone in charge.


Ha ha. In theory only and always.

[Gina-Gina-Bo-Bina]

Just don't get caught up in the fact that they are bullies because they are boys and she is a girl. Bulling is very common. Boys bully boys and girls and girls bully boys and girls.

:thumbsup2 :thumbsup2 :thumbsup2 :thumbsup2

These were my EXACT thoughts after reading all the posts.

A male child in my son's class has just recently transferred to another school because he was being so severely bullied....by a girl.

OP, I'm sorry your daughter is having such a bad experience. Here's hoping you'll find some way to resolve the issue so she can enjoy her extracurricular activities. I agree with many of the PP's who say to stick around during the class.....you may find this is all that it takes.

[luvdiz2]

I agree that girls can be big bullies, no point in taking your DD out and doing a girls only class!

Speak to the organizers, also, if you don't think they are able to do anything, maybe ask if you can speak to the group regarding bullying and explain what it does to a person, chances are some of the boys will have been bullied and will understand when it is pointed out to them.

[Boncho]

I agree that girls can be big bullies, no point in taking your DD out and doing a girls only class!

Speak to the organizers, also, if you don't think they are able to do anything, maybe ask if you can speak to the group regarding bullying and explain what it does to a person, chances are some of the boys will have been bullied and will understand when it is pointed out to them.

A police officer spoke to a soccor team that my nephew played on - it made all the difference in the world. My nephew says that it may those kids "knock it off". Good Luck

[Gina-Gina-Bo-Bina]

it's just a bunch of little boys doing what's natural for them

:confused: :confused:

I also think its worth noting that bullying isn't considered a "natural" male trait. I happen to know some very fine young men who don't buy into this kind of behaviour.

Be careful about pigeon-holing kids based on their gender. You had mentioned that you encourage your daughter to adopt the point of view that there's no such destinction between "girl" games or "boy" games, and that's great. However, it can be very damaging to foster the idea that one sex or the other is genetically programmed to have certain tendencies, simply based on whether they are male or female. I certainly wouldn't imply to my son that girls are "naturally" whiners, or are fragile, or have difficulty controling their emotions. While that certainly applies to MANY of the young girls I know, it definitely doesn't describe them all (and yes, I have a whopping 14 nieces, one of which is my god-daughter.....so despite the fact that I'm the mom to just one son, I have LOTS of opportunity to hang out with the young ladies, too :) ).

Anyway, just some food for thought. :goodvibes And again, good luck at finding a resolution to this difficult situation.

[5boyz]

Ok as a mother of 5 boys.....IF I or my dh EVER heard or knew of them bullying girls or otherwise, they would be very sorry. We dont put up with kind of nonsense. I would go the the person in charge because as someone else said alot of P&R classes are run by teenagers. I would let the person in charge know that if nothing is done you will go higher......I also have a 9 almost 10 yr old daughter but I cant see her being bother having 5 big brothers...:rotfl2: I am not making a joke out of this!

[fimac]

Hi,

A couple of questions. Middle son plays basketball and is the weakest player on the team.

What is the skill level of the other players ? Had your DD played basketball before ? Had you introduced her to the game before hand and talk about the skills and rules ? If your daughter is the weakest player then the team will pick on her for the being the weakest player, not for her gender.

Things improved for my son once he found his position and he could contribute to the team. However he was still the one most likely to lost the ball to the other team. Never a good place to be in a team sport.

In team sports good skills usually earn respect.

[encinc]

In team sports good skills usually earn respect.

I agree, but what are those with less skilled but enthusiastic players to do? Are we to keep them out of team sports because we know they are going to be the weakest players on the team? No matter how much we practice with DS or how long he's played, he is not athletic and I am hard pressed to find a sport that he won't be the weakest player on the team. I am trying to guide him gently toward individual sports, because I fear the bullying he might be subjected to on team sports as he gets older. But, at the same time, I don't want to dampen his enthusiasm for something that he wants to do for fear of how he might be treated.

My heart goes out to the OP's DD. To me, it doesn't matter whether a child is a boy or a girl, or a skilled player or not, no one deserves to be treated the way her teammates are treating her.

[fimac]

I agree, but what are those with less skilled but enthusiastic players to do? Are we to keep them out of team sports because we know they are going to be the weakest players on the team? No matter how much we practice with DS or how long he's played, he is not athletic and I am hard pressed to find a sport that he won't be the weakest player on the team. I am trying to guide him gently toward individual sports, because I fear the bullying he might be subjected to on team sports as he gets older. But, at the same time, I don't want to dampen his enthusiasm for something that he wants to do for fear of how he might be treated.

My heart goes out to the OP's DD. To me, it doesn't matter whether a child is a boy or a girl, or a skilled player or not, no one deserves to be treated the way her teammates are treating her.

What has worked for DS11 is that DH coaches or aids with his sport. DH coaches the spring soccer. It gave DS the ability to find the position that he is comfortable playing. Now he can go to other coaches and tell them were he will play best.

I too feel sorry for the OP DD. DS has been pick on on many team, even when he was playing on a team with friends. Parent coaching seems to be the only thing that really works.

[TashaRVT]

:confused: :confused:

I also think its worth noting that bullying isn't considered a "natural" male trait. I happen to know some very fine young men who don't buy into this kind of behaviour.

Be careful about pigeon-holing kids based on their gender. .


Hey, thanks for the input. Actually, what I was referring to when I made that comment was more the tendency for maybe a boy to tease a girl that he likes or wants to be around becuase he doesn't know how to approach them. Or maybe to try to show her how good he is at whatever it may be. I was in no means trying to say that bullying is okay. Because it's not - EVER. I have a 7 year old son, and I do not tolerate that type of behaviour from either of my kids. I run a tight ship at my house, but I try to keep eveything a really open dialogue so that we can talk about things without them feeling like they're being judged.

[DearDaisyinDurham]

Hi Tasha,
Hope things are going better for your daughter at basketball! :goodvibes

Hugs,
Daisy:grouphug:

[TashaRVT]

Okay, so the basketball class is almost over, and it all worked out okay!!

We talked to DD A LOT about what was going on, and she chose to stick it out. Of course, it helped that Daddy starting attending the games every week - no more problems after that!

I'm so happy - thank you all for your suggestions!

[mc'smommy]

So glad to hear it worked out for your daughter....
My daughter is 11 and plays competitive basketball and loves it...Its a great sport and one day those boys will eat thier words.....LOL

[DearDaisyinDurham]

that's great, thanks for letting us know!!!

[braydensmom]

Glad to hear that it worked out for your daughter. I am a little shocked at the amount of people saying that the instructors are teenagers so they wouldnt do anything. I worked as a camp counsellor and sports instructor for parks & rec all the way though h.s. We went through training sessions all the time teaching us how to prevent situations and how to deal with them if they happen. Parks & Rec. does have a zero tolerence level, and I remember even 10+ years ago kids being told not to come back because they were being rough.
Teenagers would probably shock some of the people that said they would have no idea what to do. I think kids are learning alot more about this issue as it is becoming more dangerous and a bigger problem. I think adults would be the one that would have no idea on how to deal with it.

[DonaldDC]

Glad to hear that it worked out for your daughter. I am a little shocked at the amount of people saying that the instructors are teenagers so they wouldnt do anything. I worked as a camp counsellor and sports instructor for parks & rec all the way though h.s. We went through training sessions all the time teaching us how to prevent situations and how to deal with them if they happen. Parks & Rec. does have a zero tolerence level, and I remember even 10+ years ago kids being told not to come back because they were being rough.
Teenagers would probably shock some of the people that said they would have no idea what to do. I think kids are learning alot more about this issue as it is becoming more dangerous and a bigger problem. I think adults would be the one that would have no idea on how to deal with it.

Tasha,

Braydensmom is right on the mark with her comment. I worked for Parks and Rec as a Youth Coordinator in the York Region for the past 5 years (I'm now in the Halton region) and have worked with youth for more than 12 years. Many P and R dept's have a zero tolerance policy and all staff (FT and PT) are trained on this policy and how to handle the situation. We also provide our staff with Anti-Bullying training as this unfortunately is a very common thing these days. While it worked out for your daughter I would suggest bringing the issue to the attention of the Recreation/Youth Coordinator. It's important that they're aware of this as many times the Instructor will lead each session (Fall, Winter, Spring, Summer). Perhaps they are new staff or need a reminder of the Zero Tolerance policy and the right to inclusive play for everyone regardless of ability, gender or race. After all this is a recreation program! If you would like the name of the Youth Coordinator for Ajax please PM me and I'd be happy to pass their information along as I'm sure they'd like to know about this.

[Cdn Gal]

I'm glad that everything worked out OK. :cutie: