Sad experience for my trans son

[angieh_2]

I have a 6 year old son that is very girly. (we are not quite ready to call him transgender yet) Anyway...

We went to the Bibbidy bobbity boutique with him and his twin brother. When we made reservations I mentioned that I would like my long haired son to have the princess experience and she said I would need to talk to them there, but didn't think there would be an issue. I get there and I had daddy take the kids around the store (world of disney in downtown disney) while I set things up. They told me that they couldn't do a princess style on a boy and that they could NOT call him a princess! I was floored!!!!! So the cast member got the manager to talk to me about it and she said that they CAN NOT do it! So finally the manager got her manager (no, I didn't even get upset or start yelling) and they went ahead and bent the rules 'just this one time'. In the mean time my son is starting to realize that we are talking about him and that people were looking at him. :( He is already on medication for anxiety at 6! and has many more years of fighting ahead of him if this is who he is and wants to be, but at disney he shouldn't have to fight who he is.

My son has just as much right to the same services as the other kids and he has just as much chance of becoming a real princess as all the other girls.


Other than this one issues we had a great time!!! Just wanted to give a heads up for any other parents out there fighting the same battles. :)

Angie

[ChrizJen]

Wow...I'm sure that was an uncomfortable situation for all of you.
I would like to think that parents like you will be the ones to open the doors for kids like your son in the future. Way to advocate for your child! :thumbsup2
Every child deserves to experience the Magic of Disney, no matter what!

Thank you for acknowledging and nurturing your son's needs. Whatever his path in life, he's very luck to have parents who are so supportive. :flower3:

[MonorailMan]

I have to agree with ChrizJen. I think you did a wonderful thing by standing behind what he wanted. By doing that he'll hopefully start being able to understand that he just needs to learn to be himself, whomever that may be. Once he realizes this he'll hopefully be a little more comfortable down the road.

*hugs*
I'm glad you had a good time for most of the trip.

[pixierella]

I can't understand why they made such a big deal over it. Little kids play dress up all the times, girls and boys. It's not like your son is 16 and asking for the full out dress and hair, and if he did so what. It was your choice you made for your child. Sorry, can you tell I get worked up about stuff like this?

I applaud you for being understanding and for standing up for you child. More folks should be so caring and loving to their children. I guarantee your boy grow up to be a great person who will always pay forward what he's been taught and shown.

[Goofyluver]

Just hugs darlin'. :hug:

[lookingforward]

I have a 6 year old son that is very girly. (we are not quite ready to call him transgender yet) Anyway...

We went to the Bibbidy bobbity boutique with him and his twin brother. When we made reservations I mentioned that I would like my long haired son to have the princess experience and she said I would need to talk to them there, but didn't think there would be an issue. I get there and I had daddy take the kids around the store (world of disney in downtown disney) while I set things up. They told me that they couldn't do a princess style on a boy and that they could NOT call him a princess! I was floored!!!!! So the cast member got the manager to talk to me about it and she said that they CAN NOT do it! So finally the manager got her manager (no, I didn't even get upset or start yelling) and they went ahead and bent the rules 'just this one time'. In the mean time my son is starting to realize that we are talking about him and that people were looking at him. :( He is already on medication for anxiety at 6! and has many more years of fighting ahead of him if this is who he is and wants to be, but at disney he shouldn't have to fight who he is.

My son has just as much right to the same services as the other kids and he has just as much chance of becoming a real princess as all the other girls.


Other than this one issues we had a great time!!! Just wanted to give a heads up for any other parents out there fighting the same battles. :)

Angie

Glad you stood up for him. Happy to hear you all had a good time. :grouphug:

[Uncle Remus]

Glad you stood up for him. Happy to hear you all had a good time. :grouphug:

Yep, I agree too. ::yes::

[C&G'sMama]

First, what awesome parents you are.:thumbsup2

Second, if Disney is all about inclusiveness then someone at the top needs to know about this so the cast members can be better educated.

I have a friend who is brassy to say the least. Her son is six and prefers princess shirts to "boy" stuff. The couple of times a staff member at her kids' school commentedon his pink coat, she looked them dead in the eye and said my children are appropriately dressed for the winter, concentrate on the children that don't have warms coats and boots.

[BubblPopElectrc]

That's really sad. :(

Have you written them a letter?

[angieh_2]

Thank you everyone for your responses. It has been a hard couple of weeks for us with a psychologist diagnosis of gender identity just before we left on vacation. It wasn't a surprise and we knew it, but it is still hard to hear.

Bubbl- I've been looking for an email address, phone number or address to call or write to, but I can't find one. Any suggestions?

Thanks again!

Angie

[jlewisinsyr]

I definately agree a letter is in order, hand written, snail mail style.

This is the last general address that I am aware of:

Walt Disney World Guest Communications
Complaints Department
PO Box 10040
Lake Buena Vista, FL 32830-0040

[Sillyminny40]

Wow. Total support for you on this. He SHOULD be given the same opportunity as a female. Our N.A. society should be friendlier. No discrimination at all no matter what. You are so awesome. Wish all parents could do this. We have two gender identity relatives (ages 32 and 16) and totally understand.
All the best and love that sweetheart! Big hugs from the Disboards!

[OrlandoMike]

OP

Please get your post count up to 10, then you will be able to send PM's.

Please PM me....

Mike

Oh and BTW :grouphug: You are a great parent!

[DVC~OKW~96]

What a precious gift you are giving your child; love AND acceptance. :hug:

I would say this though, sometimes once puberty has been "survived" :) children change direction. I have a dear friend who's daughter stated she was a boy throughout her childhood. Once she cleared puberty she then went on to be more accepting of her female gender, and has since decided that she's ok with it.

All that to say, supporting and accepting your son is the key. You are doing that! Just throwing the puberty complexities into the ring.

I am a bit surprised that Disney made such an issue out of a child wanting to participate in the BBB. :(

[Saxton]

You're an amazing Mom. He may have a lot more battles ahead of him but with a Mom like you he'll be fine.

[PghLybrt]

I am also amazed that they gave you such a hard time!
Way to stand up!

[dale62676]

As a trans woman (not sure how many trans folks are here on the forum), I just want to say how wonderful it is to hear you supporting your child at this critical time. When I was 6, my parents knew but did their best to make me ashamed of who I was, and so I didn't get to transition until much later because of fear, and risking the loss of my family. I now help run a support group for teen, college, and 20-something trans folk, and I'm thankful stories like mine are becoming fewer and fewer, that parents of younger kids coming to grips with their gender identity and/or expression are supporting them and loving them all the same.

I have been wondering about the BBB policy for this, thanks for letting us know as well, and I hope you will follow up. The very strong gendering of play at Disney (princesses for girls only and pirates for boys only) I think is very troublesome, not just for how it effects trans or gender questioning kids, but all kids. And again, thank you for letting your child be whom they want to be, and standing up for them.

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

I am sorry it took going so far up the chain of command to get them to work with your DS!

Please do not take this the wrong way, but I am honestly trying to understand. Since he has a diagnosis of gender identity disorder, I am confused as to why you don't just allow him to present himself as a girl? Since he is 6 I would think it would be pretty simple to dress him as a girl and nobody would bat an eye.

I have a son myself, and I can't say with 100% certainty that I would have just dressed him as a girl and got on with it, but it seems like it would be simpler than trying to explain the situation to everyone. Obviously without being in your same situation I can't be sure how I would handle it.

I applaud you for standing your ground and calmly asking for your son to be treated equally! I hope the rest of your trip was magical, and I hope you receive a reply to your letter. :)

[angieh_2]

Please do not take this the wrong way, but I am honestly trying to understand. Since he has a diagnosis of gender identity disorder, I am confused as to why you don't just allow him to present himself as a girl? Since he is 6 I would think it would be pretty simple to dress him as a girl and nobody would bat an eye.

He is a boy and he dresses non gender, sweats and tshirts mostly. I am doing my best to teach him how to accept himself as a boy that likes girly things. He does like his genitals (huge bonus going through all this!), so I don't feel it would be right to change his gender. I don't know what he will be once he is older and changing back and forth in the public schools would be socially hard. Not to mention the schools only have girl or boy bathrooms in the kindergarten/first grade wing of the school, so he would have to go all the way to the office to use the unmarked restroom. I just think at this age he needs to learn who he is, and I need to weigh in keeping him safe (from bullies, self esteem).

It would also be very confusing for his twin brother to change his brothers gender.

My son is helping me right now and needs to see the emoticons..

princess: :cheer2: :laundy:

[angieh_2]

Dale, I would really love some of your insight. I don't know any trans adults. I have a couple gay friends, but their childhood was different. When I get enough posts can I email you to ask you questions?

I am still praying that he is just a girly boy and isn't really trans. It seems so much easier for him.


Thanks everyone for the support. I am working on a letter now, of course my head feels like it is going to explode from the post-disney cold I'm picking up. :)

A

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

It isn't as "black and white" as I was imagining it to be. Thank you for explaining so I can understand! :goodvibes

What a confusing time for everyone in your family! :grouphug: I hope that you will continue to post here and let us know how things are going. There are wonderful people on this board!

It seems like everyone is coming home from Disney with a cold or a vomit virus. I think the cold is the lesser of the evils! :scared:

Some smilies for your sweet DS:

:wave2: :moped: :wave: ::MickeyMo :earsboy:

[OrlandoMike]

OP,

You only need two more posts to be able to PM, please, if you feel the need, just post a period twice! Or a smiley face...

Mike

[Mackey Mouse]

All I can say is WOW!!! Good for you for standing your ground and insisting upon your son's rights to have the experience he wanted at BBB... Not sure I get Disney, though , what are they thinking? Truly, that could be a lawsuit waiting to happen. Smarten up Disney!!!!

[Jeff90]

Just now catching up with this thread....

1st of all.....what a great parent you are and taking your kids to WDW!

2nd...At the BBB, why didn't they just go ahead and do it? No questions asked, you are a paying guest and they shouldn't make a huge issue out of it. Just do it.....gosh!

My DH has a cleint whose son is transgendered, now 20. Jon has watched her grow up into a wonderful person......great gal!

Good for you for not stepping away after they said no.....

[Goofyluver]

He is a boy and he dresses non gender, sweats and tshirts mostly. I am doing my best to teach him how to accept himself as a boy that likes girly things. He does like his genitals (huge bonus going through all this!), so I don't feel it would be right to change his gender. I don't know what he will be once he is older and changing back and forth in the public schools would be socially hard. Not to mention the schools only have girl or boy bathrooms in the kindergarten/first grade wing of the school, so he would have to go all the way to the office to use the unmarked restroom. I just think at this age he needs to learn who he is, and I need to weigh in keeping him safe (from bullies, self esteem).

It would also be very confusing for his twin brother to change his brothers gender.

My son is helping me right now and needs to see the emoticons..

princess: :cheer2: :laundy:

Dale, I would really love some of your insight. I don't know any trans adults. I have a couple gay friends, but their childhood was different. When I get enough posts can I email you to ask you questions?

I am still praying that he is just a girly boy and isn't really trans. It seems so much easier for him.


Thanks everyone for the support. I am working on a letter now, of course my head feels like it is going to explode from the post-disney cold I'm picking up. :)

A

Well, goodness gracious. You sound like ya' have a lot on your plate, darlin'.

Many many good thoughts. pixiedust:

[Timon-n-Pumbaa Fan]

I am going to try to go through this bit by bit. I am trying to be respectful of the OP, but there are lots of things that just don't compute right in my brain on this topic.

First, I would think that not labeling a 6 year old as being transgendered and/or having a gender identity issue would be wise. Kids in that age group are still working on establishing for themselves what gender roles are and where they fall in the whole grand scheme of things.

I am very curious as to why you would take your son to BBB in the first place. Again, I am not trying to be ugly about this, I am trying to understand your motivation. If your son is "girly" are you trying to promote that in him? I have met my fair share of long haired "girly" little boys and none of them ever expressed an interest in becoming a Princess, let alone going for a Princess Makeover in such a public place? Yes, many of them wanted to play dress up and take on "girly" roles, but that was all pretend, and they knew it. Most children in that age range don't even know what BBB is unless someone tells them that it exists. Did your son ask for this?

Now, with that said, I can see where the staff would have been very taken aback by your request. I fail to understand how you could have been "floored" by their response. Your request for services for your son are not even on the radar of normal for the majority of the people walking on this planet. Some people might even feel that doing a Princess Makeover on a boy was not nurturing at all, some might consider it to be child abuse.

I am sorry that your son needs medication to get through life at such a young age. That stinks. I would hope that all parents do seek to do things in the best interest of their children. Fighting the good fight is part of any good parent's job. I am glad that your vacation ended up being a good one.

It has been a hard couple of weeks for us with a psychologist diagnosis of gender identity just before we left on vacation. It wasn't a surprise and we knew it, but it is still hard to hear.

Since you have made all of this so public already, would you mind explaining exactly what the psychiatrist told you? I am sorry for being so ignorant, but I just have never heard of someone so young being diagnosed as having gender identity issues. I am also curious to know if the psychiatrist had anything to say about you taking your son to BBB.

Then, basically, you wrote that your son is still your son, and as such, is just "girly". Can you share how your son is "girly"? I am just not understanding from what you have written so far as to how he is having gender issues.
Learning who he is largely comes from the information that the parents and society provide to him at this age. I have to wonder if a Princess Makeover at BBB and having strangers calling him "Princess" is the right message to be sending to him, if he is going to remain a boy? I can't imagine the questions that must have gone through your mind in planning all of this. Can you help me to understand? I realize that you don't have to, but I am just confused. :confused3 To me, it seems that either he identifies as a girl and should be treated as such (in ALL areas - home, school, WDW, etc. including using the restroom of the gender he identifies with) OR he is still mostly a boy and should not ask to be addressed as "Princess". It just seems like there is too much gray area here. I swear, I am not trying to be mean in saying any of this, really. It just seems that waffling on which gender to treat him as 100% of the time would not be sending a clear and consistant message.

I am still praying that he is just a girly boy and isn't really trans. It seems so much easier for him.

I will keep you all in my prayers. From what you have posted, it sounds like there are lots of issues for your family to tackle. Things will work out over time, just keep moving forward.

[NTDreams]

I am going to try to go through this bit by bit. I am trying to be respectful of the OP, but there are lots of things that just don't compute right in my brain on this topic.

First, I would think that not labeling a 6 year old as being transgendered and/or having a gender identity issue would be wise. Kids in that age group are still working on establishing for themselves what gender roles are and where they fall in the whole grand scheme of things.

I am very curious as to why you would take your son to BBB in the first place. Again, I am not trying to be ugly about this, I am trying to understand your motivation. If your son is "girly" are you trying to promote that in him? I have met my fair share of long haired "girly" little boys and none of them ever expressed an interest in becoming a Princess, let alone going for a Princess Makeover in such a public place? Yes, many of them wanted to play dress up and take on "girly" roles, but that was all pretend, and they knew it. Most children in that age range don't even know what BBB is unless someone tells them that it exists. Did your son ask for this?

Now, with that said, I can see where the staff would have been very taken aback by your request. I fail to understand how you could have been "floored" by their response. Your request for services for your son are not even on the radar of normal for the majority of the people walking on this planet. Some people might even feel that doing a Princess Makeover on a boy was not nurturing at all, some might consider it to be child abuse.

I am sorry that your son needs medication to get through life at such a young age. That stinks. I would hope that all parents do seek to do things in the best interest of their children. Fighting the good fight is part of any good parent's job. I am glad that your vacation ended up being a good one.



Since you have made all of this so public already, would you mind explaining exactly what the psychiatrist told you? I am sorry for being so ignorant, but I just have never heard of someone so young being diagnosed as having gender identity issues. I am also curious to know if the psychiatrist had anything to say about you taking your son to BBB.

Then, basically, you wrote that your son is still your son, and as such, is just "girly". Can you share how your son is "girly"? I am just not understanding from what you have written so far as to how he is having gender issues.
Learning who he is largely comes from the information that the parents and society provide to him at this age. I have to wonder if a Princess Makeover at BBB and having strangers calling him "Princess" is the right message to be sending to him, if he is going to remain a boy? I can't imagine the questions that must have gone through your mind in planning all of this. Can you help me to understand? I realize that you don't have to, but I am just confused. :confused3 To me, it seems that either he identifies as a girl and should be treated as such (in ALL areas - home, school, WDW, etc. including using the restroom of the gender he identifies with) OR he is still mostly a boy and should not ask to be addressed as "Princess". It just seems like there is too much gray area here. I swear, I am not trying to be mean in saying any of this, really. It just seems that waffling on which gender to treat him as 100% of the time would not be sending a clear and consistant message.



I will keep you all in my prayers. From what you have posted, it sounds like there are lots of issues for your family to tackle. Things will work out over time, just keep moving forward.

I agree with everything said here. Children can feel anxiety and in my professional background I have seen many anxieties placed on children via parents. I hope everything works out though. I see nothing wrong with being supportive of your child I just hope that your view of what he is isn't causing or making HIM think that that is who HE really is. My question is did he ask to go to BBB or did you suggest it?

[angieh_2]

Tn'P fan- I'm not sure what info you want. Really I don't feel I need to explain how things are to you. He is a boy that wants to be a girl and has wanted it for over 3 years now. We work really hard on him being who he is and that includes him being a girly boy. A girly boy has every right to get a girly boy hair style. He saw a ton of other kids with the BBB hair styles and they advertise it all over the place, he wanted to do it so bad and I didn't see a problem with it. He is who he is and I support him 100%. I don't want to tell him "ok then you are a girl' just in case he isn't. He is confused and scared and my job is to pave the way for him to be exactly who he is and love himself! At disney it is all pretend and fun, so why can't he pretend and have fun just because he would rather see princesses then buzz lightyear. My other son was dying for a bbb make over too and he loved his spiked up hair.

He also gets invited to girl only birthday parties and fits in just fine, he has never been to a boy birthday party because he doesn't identify with boys.

My son has such severe anxiety that he couldn't cope with every day life and would put himself in a bubble. We are working on letting him understand he is PERFECT just the way he is.

I am sorry for being so ignorant, but I just have never heard of someone so young being diagnosed as having gender identity issues

Many years of this behavior and the timing of onset and the anxiety and the way he plays and the way he moves and the way he is.... If you met him you would know he is very different and at 6 it is a really common time for a diagnosis of this kind. That doesn't mean that when he hits 13 or 14 he is going to want to be a girl, but it does mean that he doesn't know who or what he is, yet.

I suggest you look up GID and see for yourself. It is confusing for all of us.

Just so everyone knows I didn't go in looking for a girl style at BBB I wanted him to enjoy the fun, but they have either the 'cool dude' or the princess style, nothing inbetween, so he wanted a princess style.

I'm not setting out to change the world, just get a little tollerance for him.

Oh and I can't tell you how angry it makes me that you think in anyway the way I am raising him could be considered 'child abuse'! I feel that taking away all his girly stuff and making him be a boy would be child abuse if that isn't who he is!!!!

[angieh_2]

I agree with everything said here. Children can feel anxiety and in my professional background I have seen many anxieties placed on children via parents. I hope everything works out though. I see nothing wrong with being supportive of your child I just hope that your view of what he is isn't causing or making HIM think that that is who HE really is. My question is did he ask to go to BBB or did you suggest it?

Then explain to me why his TWIN BROTHER is totally boyish with no anxiety!? Explain why he has been in therapy for 3 years because he was so anxious he couldn't leave the house! Explain why when given the chance he chooses girl stuff over boy stuff! Explain why he poses when we take pictures and prances around like a girl? Explain why he cried every night when he was 4 years old because he wanted to be a girl so bad. For you to be a professional I sure hope like hell you never get a kid like him!

Why the hell would I suggest that we go and spend another $100 at disney?! They advertise this stuff like crazy and half the park is running around with their hair all up and pretty.

I'm angry that you would agree with the child abuse comment more than anything else. I know we will always have a battle that not many would understand, but to even think that I am abusing my baby is unthinkable!!!!!!

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

Hindsight is 20/20, but since I have had time to think about it I am not sure I would have agreed to a BBB makeover for my DS.

There are a million things to do at WDW, nobody can see and do them all in one trip. I know this, because after all of our trips there are still things we haven't done! Last August we were at WDW for 16 nights and we didn't manage to do everything we hoped to do.

I think if my DS had asked for a BBB makeover I would have said 1) We don't have time or 2) Let's choose something we can ALL do together or 3) Why don't we think about it and maybe come back another day, because you might see something else you would like better.

In no way would I have been detracting from my child's preferences, I would have been steering him away from a situation that might have caused more confusion during an already confusing time.

I agree that if he is going to identify as a girl then he needs to be treated as a girl ALL of the time. If he is still going back and forth then a diagnosis of gender identity disorder is premature, and it might be better to allow him to work out his feelings in a less public arena than BBB.

At any rate, I wish the OP the best in determing what route will be the most beneficial for her DS!

[OrlandoMike]

Angieh2

Please understand, this is a new area for many of us. We just have questions. Please believe me when I tell you nobody over here is against you, and we are here to help. This is just not understood by many of us, myself included. I guess it's just strange for many of us to comprehend that a person could be "trans" at such a young age. I am glad you are getting professional help, you are a great parent for doing that!

[Timon-n-Pumbaa Fan]

Just to clarify, I never said that I felt that you were abusing your son. But, think about it. For the average 6 year old boy, who is all boy, having his parents force a Princess Makeover on him in a public place like WDW, well, that would be abusive. The same could be said for taking a 6 year old, totally girly girl changing her out of her Cinderella dress into a Buzz Lightyear shirt and shorts, and shaving her head at the Main Street Barber Shop at the MK. It would be wrong and on some level abusive.

I can understand where the folks at BBB were initially unwilling to comply with your request. It's obviously not the norm. Personally, I don't hold them at fault at all. Again, I just don't understand why you were "floored" by their response to your request.

I will tackle the other points in a bit. I felt that this was the most pressing issue to attempt to clarify right now.

[angieh_2]

Gender is assigned at birth. No one can say that a 3 or 4 year old girl acts the same as a 3 or 4 year old boy. Their gender is part of who they are. It isn't something we have just because we are born with parts. My son like lots of other children don't know who they are. They know physically that they are one gender, but they don't feel that they are that gender. It isn't black and white. 6 is the perfect age for this to really be diagnosed because between the ages of 3 and 4 the gender rolls start to shine through so if a child the age of 6 is given 2 to 3 years to figure it out and they still haven't then a diagnosis can be given. It has nothing to do with his sexual orientation. He may love women and want to marry one or he may love men, we don't know yet and honestly if he was gay it would be so much easier. I honestly don't think he will be gay, he loves girls and wants to marry his little girl friends and have kids, but we will see what happens when puberity starts. For now he needs just 100% support from us that we love him and we love who he is.

When we started out going to the BBB we didn't expect that there would only be girls or boys hairstyles. We also didn't expect that he wouldn't be able to be called princess. He has always wanted to be a princess. So we had a choice, disappoint him and tell him he had to have a boy style or let him be who he is and let him choose what he wanted. He wanted to be a pop princess. You should have seen his smile! He danced around all day, so excited and happy. Why should I have to take that away from him because he was born with a *****. He knows he is a boy that likes girly stuff and he is happy with that. His therapist is happy with our apporach and can see that he is well loved and supported fully. We will see what life brings us, but unless you have been in our shoes you can't understand. Trust me if I were on the outside I would be confused too, I'm confused now and I've been dealing with it for years.

Please don't ever tell anyone that they could be possibly endangering or abusing their children unless you know exactly what is going on! That is unfair and WRONG! I know for sure that my kids are not abused!

If you are still confused please feel free to look up what transgender is. This is from wikipedia.


Transgender (IPA: /trænzˈdʒɛndɚ/, from (Latin) derivatives [trans <L, combination form meaning across, beyond, through] and [gender <ME <MF gendre, genre <L gener- meaning kind or sort]) is a general term applied to a variety of individuals, behaviors, and groups involving tendencies that diverge from the normative gender role (woman or man) commonly, but not always, assigned at birth, as well as the role traditionally held by society.

Transgender is the state of one's "gender identity" (self-identification as woman, man, or neither) not matching one's "assigned sex" (identification by others as male or female based on physical/genetic sex). "Transgender" does not imply any specific form of sexual orientation; transgender people may identify as heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, polysexual, or asexual. The precise definition for transgender remains in flux, but includes:

"Of, relating to, or designating a person whose identity does not conform unambiguously to conventional notions of male or female gender roles, but combines or moves between these."[1]
"People who were assigned a sex, usually at birth and based on their genitals, but who feel that this is a false or incomplete description of themselves."[2]
"Non-identification with, or non-presentation as, the sex (and assumed gender) one was assigned at birth."[3]
A transgender individual may have characteristics that are normally associated with a particular gender, identify elsewhere on the traditional gender continuum, or exist outside of it as "other," "agender," "intergender," or "third gender". Transgender people may also identify as bigender, or along several places on either the traditional transgender continuum, or the more encompassing continuums which have been developed in response to the significantly more detailed studies done in recent years.[4]

[NTDreams]

angieh_2 Please forgive me for sounding harsh. You sound like a parent who is going through a lot. Just from reading your statement it doesn't sound like just anxiety it sound like mild aspergers or autism simple agoraphobia. My professional background is special ed just to give you a bit of reference. I have seen it all and I work with all aspects from simple learning differences that cause students to need extra test taking time to complete MR.

I think the conclusion of transgendered this early on is a bit of a long shot and by you embracing it as the only truth might not be healthy. You say his twin brother isn't that way. Do you treat them the same? Which could lead to the idea of wanting to be a girl. It's not uncommon because the disease cause one to focus/OCD about one thing for a long period of time. Aspergers can also cause anxiety about social situations. The want to not hang around ones peers, whether it be in age or sex. I wanted to be a princess when i was younger but my parents said YOU CAN'T unless you marry a prince somewhere and the likely hood of that happening is rare. I had to deal with it and move on. In no way am trying to compare your situation to that but I think how you handle and the focus on his "wish" is crucial. Even if it's simply explaining to him that he can't be a girl right now and for now he has to have and love the body he is in. Even just explaining to him that he doesn't have to BE a girl to dress up might help him immensely.
Just because he doesn't identify with boys doesn't mean he should not be around boys. He has to learn and be comfortable with both sexes because they both exist. I would speak to his school and have him tested for Aspergers.

[kismet1003]

Angieh_2 :grouphug:
I wish you and your family the best of luck. I'm sure you are going through so many emotions already, please don't get offended by anything on this board. Most people do want to listen and try to help you out if they can.
Take care. :)

[Timon-n-Pumbaa Fan]

In our board's FAQ found here....
http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1785907
you will see that our board like all others on the DIS abide by the DIS posting guidelines found here.....
http://www.wdwinfo.com/guidelines.htm and in those guidelines it clearly states the following....

4. NO FIGHTING/SARCASM: While we'd like to think that a Disney fan site is always lighthearted, there are times when there are disagreements. Let's face it, there are certain topics that can transform any of us into a raging "Donald Duck." When you sense this is happening, we ask that you step away from the discussion before it escalates into a fight. Just like Mom always said about fighting, we don't care who started the argument and we don't want it on the DIS. (Okay, she didn't say the part about the DIS, but you know what we mean.) No attacking others and no sarcasm please. Either will result in an infraction (http://www.wdwinfo.com/guidelines.htm#INFRACTIONS).

[Timon-n-Pumbaa Fan]

We went to the Bibbidy bobbity boutique with him and his twin brother. When we made reservations I mentioned that I would like my long haired son to have the princess experience and she said I would need to talk to them there, but didn't think there would be an issue.

Just so everyone knows I didn't go in looking for a girl style at BBB I wanted him to enjoy the fun, but they have either the 'cool dude' or the princess style, nothing inbetween, so he wanted a princess style.

:confused3

[dale62676]

Dale, I would really love some of your insight. I don't know any trans adults. I have a couple gay friends, but their childhood was different. When I get enough posts can I email you to ask you questions?

I am still praying that he is just a girly boy and isn't really trans. It seems so much easier for him.


Thanks everyone for the support. I am working on a letter now, of course my head feels like it is going to explode from the post-disney cold I'm picking up. :)

A

Please do email if you have any questions. I do help a lot with teenagers as I mentioned, but not at all with young children. I think the most important thing that would help a lot for you right now is other parents of gender varient kids. Check out this group: www.pflag.org/tnet.html (http://www.pflag.org/tnet.html) I'm sure you've been doing as much research as you're comfortable with, but just in case, since ya know, this is a Disney forum. :)
I'm sorry you've had some unsupportive comments here. The GLB community needs just as much education on this as the hetero / non-trans community. Regarding your hope of him just being a girly boy and not trans, just be careful of that wish. The experience of each can't be compared, but I would think they are both painful in their own ways. Again, the most important part for him right now is that he knows he has your love and support.

[koolaidmoms]

.

[Timon-n-Pumbaa Fan]

Why do pirates have to be boys and princesses have to be girls?

Boys and girls, both can be pirates. If you check your history, you can find proof of this. However, princesses are traditionally, and cross culturally, always of the female gender.

(I am excluding our friends in drag from this discussion.)

[C&G'sMama]

removed

[OrlandoMike]

OK I'm gonna lock this thread. I think we all need a little cool down time...

To the OP. I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to come over here to ask questions. But please understand this subject is very new to some of us, myself included. I will be the first to admit that I am ignorant in this area.

I feel that most of the questions that were asked, were asked out of curiosity, and nothing more. Remember, this is a public forum, and feathers will be ruffled occasionally.

As far as Walt Disney World and the BBB goes. I can assure you that WDW is one the most diverse companies around! They celebrate diversity! I'm assuming that the situation you came along was just something new for that particular department. I would encourage you to write a nice letter to WDW explaining your concerns.

Please feel free to post again over here. But as far as this thread goes, it's time has come to an end.

Mike

[OrlandoMike]

I just wanted to re-open this thread to express two more thoughts. First. The whole Trans thing is new to me, but can we remember just one thing....

From the "Why is this board here" section....

So, for the good of all, the DIS owner created this space for us, the members of the Gay, Lesbian, Bi-sexual, Transgender, and Questioning community, along with all of our family and friends aka the Cool Straight People (CSP).

Or as Uncle Walt said.....To ALL who come here, Welcome!

Things got tense today, hey it happens, but lets remember there are all sorts of people over here asking legitimate questions......

And I also wanted to share something I got via a PM from someone who works with Trans people a lot. I felt we could all use a little insight! :thumbsup2



I know that many people expressed shock at the idea of a Trans 6 year old....but I do wish that someone had been able to voice some support for the fact that Trans-identified children as young as 3, 4, and 5 years old are well documented. Barbara Walters did an amazing 20/20 special just about 16 months ago about this very issue and interviewed children as young as 7 or 8 who had already been living as a gender other than their birth-sex for more than 4 or 5 years in supportive households. In my own work I have done training and capacity building with schools and service programs who intake or enroll children who are in this very situation ranging in age from 4 to 9 years old. So Trans children are, indeed, a reality....and there is mounting evidence that the earlier we endorse their authentic self, the healthier they become in adolescence and adulthood AND the easier their physical transition can become as they age. (I actually would have jumped from lurkdom and posted this tonight when I caught up with the thread but it had already been closed/locked.) I do understand that this issue is not one on which everyone on earth, including LGB folks, may be well-versed.