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View Full Version : Am I being too hard - what would you do?


wilma-bride
02-05-2009, 04:32 AM
DD2 (14) went to a friend's house on Tuesday as their school was closed. She left the house shortly before 10am and was told she needed to be home by 4. At 3:30ish she texted me to ask if she could come home at 4:30 instead of 4 to which I replied 'yes but no later'.

At 4:20 I get another text saying 'Will be about 15 minutes late. Sorry'

The rule in our house is that if you're not home when you're supposed to be you get a day's grounding for every minute you are late - DD came home 10 minutes late in the end so was grounded for 10 days. I have already made one exception to this as we have plans to visit friends on Saturday so have said she can still come. However,as school is closed today she is begging to be allowed out with her mates. So far, I have stayed firm. She has cried, begged, pleaded and even offered to 'swap' her grounding for a 2 week computer ban which I have said no to.

So, ladies (and gents), am I being too hard on her? I would also add, in my defence, that there was no apology of any sort for the lateness other than the 'sorry' on the text.

natalielongstaff
02-05-2009, 04:33 AM
you stick to your guns ! if she had been very aplogetic at the time it might have been different ;)

BRobson
02-05-2009, 04:37 AM
If those are the house rules Joh - you need to stick to them :thumbsup2

Its tough being the baddie though :grouphug:

craigs bride
02-05-2009, 04:40 AM
stick to your guns ..i ground my dd15 if she is home late and if she makes a habbit of we reduce her time in ..to an hr later !

Snowy-girls
02-05-2009, 04:41 AM
I too would'nt give in.Once a rule/decision is made in our house it stays that way-no matter what changes are unforseen or otherwise(unless there is no other option-in your case Saturday)(hope that all makes sense).Rules are not (usually)meant to be broken,swapped,changed or otherwise(it sends out the wrong signal).
I believe(and i mean no wrong/harm in this)1minute late=1 full day grounded a little too strict,BUT we all have different ways of punishment for our children,and what one agree's with another won't.Stay firm,you made the rule+don't back down.x.

jen_uk
02-05-2009, 04:41 AM
On the one hand I do think that that is quite strict, however, if you back down now it sends out the message that she can get her own way if she cries enough.

Pinky166
02-05-2009, 04:44 AM
Stay strong Joh!! I can imagine that it is not very nice for you but once you break the rule once she will harrass you even more next time.

:grouphug:

mandymouse
02-05-2009, 04:45 AM
If those are the house rules Joh - you need to stick to them :thumbsup2

I agree :thumbsup2

higgy66
02-05-2009, 05:16 AM
I agree with the others - once you've set a rule you can't back down as hard as it is.

Also - it's meant to be a school day so going out with her friends was a bonus anyway so it's not your fault you're in this situation now. Also if she didn't apologie when she came home then you really do need to make your point.

The next few days will be tough but if you stick to your guns you shouldn't have her coming home late again. ;)


Good luck - and oh by the way - how hard was it not to trade for the 2 weeks "no computer" - just think - that would have meant more time for you dissing! :rotfl2:

orlandothebeagle
02-05-2009, 05:41 AM
DD2 (14) went to a friend's house on Tuesday as their school was closed. She left the house shortly before 10am and was told she needed to be home by 4. At 3:30ish she texted me to ask if she could come home at 4:30 instead of 4 to which I replied 'yes but no later'.

At 4:20 I get another text saying 'Will be about 15 minutes late. Sorry'

The rule in our house is that if you're not home when you're supposed to be you get a day's grounding for every minute you are late - DD came home 10 minutes late in the end so was grounded for 10 days. I have already made one exception to this as we have plans to visit friends on Saturday so have said she can still come. However,as school is closed today she is begging to be allowed out with her mates. So far, I have stayed firm. She has cried, begged, pleaded and even offered to 'swap' her grounding for a 2 week computer ban which I have said no to.

So, ladies (and gents), am I being too hard on her? I would also add, in my defence, that there was no apology of any sort for the lateness other than the 'sorry' on the text.

No, def not, a deals a deal!!!!!!!
Poor you, :flower3:

Chilly
02-05-2009, 05:43 AM
No don't back down Joh, she knew the rules. Send her to the naughty corner!

Although I do think they are very strict rules.

Goofyish
02-05-2009, 05:59 AM
If that is the rule in your house then you need to stick to it. Backing down and making exceptions sends out the wrong message. :)

At least your DD let you know she was going to be late. It really gets me mad if DDs are late but can't be bothered to text or phone.

I also think a day per minute is a bit strict and very difficult to operate if your DDs are, say 60 minutes late! She would be grounded for 2 months!

wicket2005
02-05-2009, 06:05 AM
In answer to your question, if you have a rule that is it, you don't change it when it is broken. However, rules do not have to be for life they can be changed if they need to be.

Personally I think that this rule is extremely strict, 1 minute late = 1 day's grounding. I understand about making rules but they do seem to be very strict. She did text you to say when she expected to be in and did apologise. I wouldn't have worried about the 10 minutes late as she had texted, I would have been far more concerned if she had not texted and ended up being an hour late or more, then I would have taken measures because they need to understand how you start to worry and the need to be responsible.

Minniespal
02-05-2009, 06:15 AM
If that is the rule in your house then you need to stick to it. Backing down and making exceptions sends out the wrong message. :)

I agree:thumbsup2

Although it's easier said than done sometimes standing your ground.

emily1982
02-05-2009, 06:16 AM
This is just my opinion but....how often is she likely to have an experience like a snow day like this? Probably not very often. My friends and i were talking yesterday about being 13 and going down the park on our sledges. We remembered the exact day it was and who was there and it is one my best memories. At the end of the day though it's your house and you make the rules. But she did text you and alot of kids today wouldn't have done that. To me it shows she has alot of responsibility to have text. Instead of saying be home at an exact time, can't you say, be home between 4-4:30pm, but i won't let you stay out longer. As an adult its hard enough to drop everything and be somewhere.

Cyrano
02-05-2009, 07:08 AM
If that is the rule in your house then you need to stick to it. Backing down and making exceptions sends out the wrong message. :)

At least your DD let you know she was going to be late. It really gets me mad if DDs are late but can't be bothered to text or phone.

I also think a day per minute is a bit strict and very difficult to operate if your DDs are, say 60 minutes late! She would be grounded for 2 months!

:thumbsup2

wilma-bride
02-05-2009, 08:16 AM
Thanks for your comments guys and I have stuck to my guns. I do see your points about the rules being strict - that rule originated mainly because DD1 tends to push the boundaries just a tiny bit - can't possibly get home on the dot of 4.30, has to be a few minutes late so it was more to teach them a lesson in punctuality rather than anything else.

Emily, I appreciate your sentiments but she had a snow day on Tuesday and chose to spend the whole day in her friend's house watching Scuzz :rolleyes: I imagine she would have done much the same today if I'd have let her out so I don't feel too guilty that she hasn't had a chance to get out in the snow.

Back to the rules - Tim, I understand what you're saying but I think if either of them dared to be 60 minutes late home then there would be more severe punishments anyway ;) And giving her a computer ban instead wouldn't have given me more time to DIS - there are more computers in this house than you can shake a stick at :rotfl:

At least she's stopped sulking now - DH did joke this morning that DS would have to be careful not to trip over her lip when he walked past her.

higgy66
02-05-2009, 08:21 AM
Well done Joh.
:thumbsup2

Pinky166
02-05-2009, 08:45 AM
Good on ya Joh! :goodvibes

jns
02-05-2009, 09:01 AM
Yes you are right to stick to your guns
well done

but I remeber a friend telling me her kid was nearly run over because they were late coming home and was more worried about the row she would get instead of watching where she was goings

Snowy-girls
02-05-2009, 09:05 AM
Well done Joh,i was wondering what the outcome would be.
As for the punishment being strict,sometimes you have to be way over the top for children to actually sit up and take notice.We all have different ways of punishing our children.
It was'nt just about letting her have a snow day,but you having to back down on punishment you had issued+you were completley right to have not backed down,no matter how tough or hard that felt like to you or seemed to others.x.

wideeyes
02-05-2009, 09:24 AM
10 days does seem to be along time to be grounded for being home 10 minutes late however if you should stick to it if it is what you said.

A&Bmama
02-05-2009, 10:12 AM
1 day for a minute? The punishment should fit the crime, in my opionion the punishment in this case is far, far greater than the crime. She kept in touch, you knew where she was, you could reach her if need be. She should have respected the rules and I do believe that there should be some "cost" to her for not being home on time.

I understand that once you make a rule you have to enforce it but I just keep thinking of my friend's teen brother that was speeding home because he was late for curfew. He lost control of the car and died. I know that is an extreme scenario but I just worry that if there are severe consequences for lateness that a child might put more of a priority on getting home on time than getting home safely.

Minniespal
02-05-2009, 10:17 AM
Well done Jo for sticking to your guns:thumbsup2

ilovepoohbear
02-05-2009, 11:13 AM
I would also add, in my defence, that there was no apology of any sort for the lateness other than the 'sorry' on the text.

OMG mother you lie!!! I said when i got in the dorr 'sorry I'm late'...i rest my case!

ilovepoohbear
02-05-2009, 11:17 AM
This is just my opinion but....how often is she likely to have an experience like a snow day like this? Probably not very often.

I AGREE :lmao:

Netty
02-05-2009, 11:21 AM
I think the 1 minute 1 day grounded is harsh... but if they are your rules then who am i to say that.. you know your kids best! maybe as they get older the rules will need to be adjusted ...

ilovepoohbear
02-05-2009, 11:22 AM
Emily, I appreciate your sentiments but she had a snow day on Tuesday and chose to spend the whole day in her friend's house watching Scuzz :rolleyes: I imagine she would have done much the same today if I'd have let her out so I don't feel too guilty that she hasn't had a chance to get out in the snow.

Bethan and Jade don't like scuzz, and we went into bethans graden and had a snowball fight!

And today I wouldve went into calne, like sina, and probs had a snowball fight with Jade, Bethan, Billy etc...

:angel:

Cyrano
02-05-2009, 12:20 PM
Well done Jo for sticking to your guns:thumbsup2

Agree. Better to stick to what you started :)

wilma-bride
02-05-2009, 12:39 PM
OMG mother you lie!!! I said when i got in the dorr 'sorry I'm late'...i rest my case!

I AGREE :lmao:

Bethan and Jade don't like scuzz, and we went into bethans graden and had a snowball fight!

And today I wouldve went into calne, like sina, and probs had a snowball fight with Jade, Bethan, Billy etc...

:angel:

Hmmm, I'm starting to think that the computer ban sounds like a good option.

ilovepoohbear
02-05-2009, 12:42 PM
Hmmm, I'm starting to think that the computer ban sounds like a good option.

WOOOO!!! Does that mean that I can go out tomorrow if it snows? :rotfl2:

natalielongstaff
02-05-2009, 12:42 PM
Hmmm, I'm starting to think that the computer ban sounds like a good option.

:lmao:

mandymouse
02-05-2009, 12:48 PM
WOOOO!!! Does that mean that I can go out tomorrow if it snows? :rotfl2:

OMG, you remind me of my youngest DD ~ too funny ~~ :rotfl2: :rotfl2:

wilma-bride
02-05-2009, 12:51 PM
OMG, you remind me of my youngest DD ~ too funny ~~ :rotfl2: :rotfl2:

Don't encourage her Mandy ;)

natalielongstaff
02-05-2009, 02:02 PM
OMG, you remind me of my youngest DD ~ too funny ~~ :rotfl2: :rotfl2:

Don't encourage her Mandy ;)

Sadly ive got all this to come ;)

wicket2005
02-05-2009, 02:15 PM
Sadly ive got all this to come ;)

Don't despair Nat, every family is different. I have not had problems with my two lads.:) The trouble is with being parents you just have to muddle through it, no one knows the ideal way to bring up kids and you just have to do what works for you.

~Piglet~
02-05-2009, 02:24 PM
1 day for a minute? The punishment should fit the crime, in my opionion the punishment in this case is far, far greater than the crime. She kept in touch, you knew where she was, you could reach her if need be. She should have respected the rules and I do believe that there should be some "cost" to her for not being home on time.

I understand that once you make a rule you have to enforce it but I just keep thinking of my friend's teen brother that was speeding home because he was late for curfew. He lost control of the car and died. I know that is an extreme scenario but I just worry that if there are severe consequences for lateness that a child might put more of a priority on getting home on time than getting home safely.

I was rushing home 15 mins late (6pm curfew! -aged 10 :) ) one evening when my bike wheel caught my friend's bike wheel and i fell off breaking my arm.

I also agree the punishment does seem a bit harsh, but then i'm sure your daughter was aware of the house rule beforehand. As a trainee parent (I have a 2yo) i'm sure I will have a similar dilema in the coming years :)

MaddieB
02-05-2009, 04:48 PM
Wow 1 days grounding for being 1 minute late seems very harsh to me. I would have been so upset too if I had missed out on a snow day with my friends as its this kind of 'event' that I remember the most when reminiscing with my them (even though it was only a few years ago! :rotfl: ). I agree that its a good way to stress the importance of punctuality but based on what ive read your DD understood that she shouldnt have been late and that you would have worried if she wasnt home on time so she apologised and texted you to let you know which seems the most important thing to me. I dont know the reason she was late but sometimes you cant help be late for whatever reason. If she needed to be back for a very important reason by that time then fair enough though.

Obviously im not a parent myself though so have no experience of trying to enforce rules and punish children so this is just my opinion as a daughter. I also dont have any particular experience of being punished tbh as my parents never really set any rules, didnt ground me and my DB and generally didnt punish us. As long as we let them know where we were, as well as when and how we were getting home they were happy. Some of my friends on the other hand were not the same and I could see why their parents punished them a lot :rotfl2: , so I appreciate that different parents use different methods, rules and punishments etc I can see the importance of not backing down but in this case I thought I would stick up for your DD as I think the punishment was too extreme and she took appropriate 'action' when she knew she couldnt get home on time.

pixiepower04
02-05-2009, 04:52 PM
1 day for a minute? The punishment should fit the crime, in my opionion the punishment in this case is far, far greater than the crime. She kept in touch, you knew where she was, you could reach her if need be. She should have respected the rules and I do believe that there should be some "cost" to her for not being home on time.

I understand that once you make a rule you have to enforce it but I just keep thinking of my friend's teen brother that was speeding home because he was late for curfew. He lost control of the car and died. I know that is an extreme scenario but I just worry that if there are severe consequences for lateness that a child might put more of a priority on getting home on time than getting home safely.

I agree totally, punishments should fit the crime. Anything could have happened in those 10 minutes to make her late.

I personally think she was being quite responsible by letting you know she was going to be late, after all, if she thought she was going to get grounded for 10 days for being 10 minutes late then why bother telling you in the first place, she could have just rolled up late, the punishment would still have been the same.

We have rules and consequences in our house too but in some instances I let my children choose their own consequence, sometimes they actually punish themselves harder than what we had intended :thumbsup2

I come from a military background with strict rules, consequences and punishments and it was a living nightmare, I felt suffocated, claustrophobic and very alone, it also pushed me away and I ended up hating them.

I rebelled, got into trouble, did crap in school for a while and tried to end my life a few times so I refuse point blank to be like that with my own (8 and 10) and for the most part it's fair punishment but I am not a pushover and thankfully my kids don't really turn on the water works because we talk about what they did wrong and what they think they should have done etc.

You have rules and that's good but sometimes rules need to be different for different people. No two people act the same so the punishments should fit the people too.

I hope you get to have a peaceful weekend anyway!

Goofysmate
02-05-2009, 10:41 PM
It's tough being a parent
sending a hug for you Joh :grouphug:

wilma-bride
02-06-2009, 12:38 AM
I agree totally, punishments should fit the crime. Anything could have happened in those 10 minutes to make her late.

I personally think she was being quite responsible by letting you know she was going to be late, after all, if she thought she was going to get grounded for 10 days for being 10 minutes late then why bother telling you in the first place, she could have just rolled up late, the punishment would still have been the same.

We have rules and consequences in our house too but in some instances I let my children choose their own consequence, sometimes they actually punish themselves harder than what we had intended :thumbsup2

I come from a military background with strict rules, consequences and punishments and it was a living nightmare, I felt suffocated, claustrophobic and very alone, it also pushed me away and I ended up hating them.

I rebelled, got into trouble, did crap in school for a while and tried to end my life a few times so I refuse point blank to be like that with my own (8 and 10) and for the most part it's fair punishment but I am not a pushover and thankfully my kids don't really turn on the water works because we talk about what they did wrong and what they think they should have done etc.

You have rules and that's good but sometimes rules need to be different for different people. No two people act the same so the punishments should fit the people too.

I hope you get to have a peaceful weekend anyway!

Firstly, the reason she was late was because she was waiting for her other friend who wasn't quite ready to leave - not a good enough excuse - and, yes, I did ask for a n explanation of why she was late before making my decision as to her punishment.

I am also from a military background and had much the same upbringing as you and I don't resent my parents for it at all. I have a wonderful relationship with my Dad, who was very much the disciplinarian in our house and, I believe, as a result of my upbringing have the utmost respect for him and have learned the imprtance of punctuality.

Don't get me wrong, I am not an absolute dragon and my kids do get away with certain things - but there are two things I will not let go and they are lateness (Calne is a fairly rough area with some not nice people around later in the day so, understandably, I want them where they're supposed to be when they're supposed to be there) and lying. If you're late, then you get punished. Simple as.

Anyway, thanks everyone for your comments and insight into your own parenting (and proposed parenting) styles. I value your input but the fact remains she is still grounded and, as school is closed again today, I suspect I'm in for another day of moaning and whining :rolleyes: Wish me luck ;)

natalielongstaff
02-06-2009, 12:41 AM
Anyway, thanks everyone for your comments and insight into your own parenting (and proposed parenting) styles. I value your input but the fact remains she is still grounded and, as school is closed again today, I suspect I'm in for another day of moaning and whining :rolleyes: Wish me luck ;)

:rotfl2: oh roll on the summer !

wicket2005
02-06-2009, 04:10 AM
I come from a military background with strict rules, consequences and punishments and it was a living nightmare, I felt suffocated, claustrophobic and very alone, it also pushed me away and I ended up hating them.

I rebelled, got into trouble, did crap in school for a while and tried to end my life a few times so I refuse point blank to be like that with my own (8 and 10) and for the most part it's fair punishment but I am not a pushover and thankfully my kids don't really turn on the water works because we talk about what they did wrong and what they think they should have done etc.

!

Just wanted to say well done you Paula for rising above the childhood you had and bringing your own children up in a different parenting style because of it.:thumbsup2

PoppyAnna
02-06-2009, 04:49 AM
Firstly, I would like to say, I have just read this tread as I haven't been around for a few days and whilst its maybe time to move on, I do have an opinion and the thread is still open.

I agree totally, punishments should fit the crime. Anything could have happened in those 10 minutes to make her late.

I personally think she was being quite responsible by letting you know she was going to be late, after all, if she thought she was going to get grounded for 10 days for being 10 minutes late then why bother telling you in the first place, she could have just rolled up late, the punishment would still have been the same.

We have rules and consequences in our house too but in some instances I let my children choose their own consequence, sometimes they actually punish themselves harder than what we had intended :thumbsup2

I come from a military background with strict rules, consequences and punishments and it was a living nightmare, I felt suffocated, claustrophobic and very alone, it also pushed me away and I ended up hating them.

I rebelled, got into trouble, did crap in school for a while and tried to end my life a few times so I refuse point blank to be like that with my own (8 and 10) and for the most part it's fair punishment but I am not a pushover and thankfully my kids don't really turn on the water works because we talk about what they did wrong and what they think they should have done etc.

You have rules and that's good but sometimes rules need to be different for different people. No two people act the same so the punishments should fit the people too.

I hope you get to have a peaceful weekend anyway!

I am interested in parenting styles as like Paula my upbringing was quite strict and I wanted to explore a different approach when I had my children.
DH and I knew and agreed whilst I was pregnant with our first that smacking was never going to be on the agenda, but apart from that we didn't set any more rules, we have done this appropriately as time has gone on, and I totally agree that they MUST be stuck to.
My children are still very young (5&3) so I'm yet to encounter the issues that Joh has been experiencing.
I am an only child and until I was about seven my Mother was a single parent (her choice) she is a very strong woman, and had to cope with a lot bringing me up, bread winner etc etc I think it's fair to say to this day her life experiences have turned her hard, and our relationship isn't at all peachy.
I rebelled against her extreme strictness, which got me in trouble in quite a few areas of my life, school, police and drugs. I am not saying this to scare you but my Mum parented me without the luxury of modern technology. I didn't have a mobile phone to text her with to tell her I was going to be late! So I also think she was being very responsible keeping you in touch ::yes::

We have two girls that already, behave very differently and therefore respond very differently to different punishments. It's taken us a while to work this out but I believe different punishments suit different children, just as different teaching styles suit different children (this is also the same with my two).

Firstly, the reason she was late was because she was waiting for her other friend who wasn't quite ready to leave - not a good enough excuse - and, yes, I did ask for a n explanation of why she was late before making my decision as to her punishment.


Don't get me wrong, I am not an absolute dragon and my kids do get away with certain things - but there are two things I will not let go and they are lateness (Calne is a fairly rough area with some not nice people around later in the day so, understandably, I want them where they're supposed to be when they're supposed to be there) and lying. If you're late, then you get punished. Simple as.

Anyway, thanks everyone for your comments and insight into your own parenting (and proposed parenting) styles. I value your input but the fact remains she is still grounded and, as school is closed again today, I suspect I'm in for another day of moaning and whining :rolleyes: Wish me luck ;)

I'm just wondering if your DD was waiting for her friend so that they travelled together in an area that you may have mentioned previously to her that wasn't so safe, in he back of her mind she was thinking "safety in numbers" and better she arrive safely, even if late.

Hope the grounding goes by fast and painless:)

higgy66
02-06-2009, 05:07 AM
I think the point here is not what the punishment was - as parents only we can decided that - but that the punishment was upheld and I think Joh has done the right thing here.

Who's to say in future those times/punishments are adapted but when her daughter left the house that morning those rules were in place.

I think from reading between the lines of the mother daughter posts on here - there's a lot of respect going on - the very fact her daughter can make jokes about the punishment shows deep down she respects her mother.

I came from what I thought was a strict background compared to my friends but I can totally see now where my parents were coming from and love them even more for it now i'm a parent myself.

As my girls are only young I hope Joh can remember this and then pass on her pearls of wisdom when I need help with 2 teenage girls! :rotfl2:

mandymouse
02-06-2009, 05:08 AM
I'm just wondering if your DD was waiting for her friend so that they travelled together in an area that you may have mentioned previously to her that wasn't so safe, in he back of her mind she was thinking "safety in numbers" and better she arrive safely, even if late.


I think this is the one thing that worries me the most. I'm pretty laid back, it's no big deal to me if they're a few minutes late, as long as they let me know where they are and who they're with. But I would hate the idea of her having to walk home on her own ~ safety in numbers is more important to me ::yes::

Netty
02-06-2009, 05:19 AM
I come from a military background with strict rules, consequences and punishments and it was a living nightmare,
me too..:guilty:

wilma-bride
02-06-2009, 05:27 AM
I think the point here is not what the punishment was - as parents only we can decided that - but that the punishment was upheld and I think Joh has done the right thing here.

Who's to say in future those times/punishments are adapted but when her daughter left the house that morning those rules were in place.

I think from reading between the lines of the mother daughter posts on here - there's a lot of respect going on - the very fact her daughter can make jokes about the punishment shows deep down she respects her mother.

I came from what I thought was a strict background compared to my friends but I can totally see now where my parents were coming from and love them even more for it now i'm a parent myself.

As my girls are only young I hope Joh can remember this and then pass on her pearls of wisdom when I need help with 2 teenage girls! :rotfl2:

Oh my goodness, this has just brought tears to my eyes. I do like to think my girls have respect for me. We have (as some people on here are aware of) a slightly difficult past and our relationships with each other are probably not as strong as a lot of Mother/Daughter because of circumstances. However, I do have respect for them and I can remember what I was like as a teenager and, I like to think, for the most part I am fair in my punishments. I do not introduce new rules in order to inflict punishments and, as I have just explained to another DISer by PM, the punishment was inflicted after an incident the previous day where she was almost an hour late home and wasn't punished. I just felt the next day she had pushed it too far and so the punishment was given. Thank you to those who have seen that I was only asking if I was right to stand firm with her and not for judgement on my rules/parenting skills.

Snowy-girls
02-06-2009, 05:54 AM
I think the point here is not what the punishment was - as parents only we can decided that - but that the punishment was upheld and I think Joh has done the right thing here.

Janet you have completley taken the words right out of my mouth with your above comment.
I was'nt too sure whether to re-post on here or not with my opinion,as i don't like to upset the apple cart.
But you are right,Joh did'nt ask what we thought of her punishment,but whether she should go back on her word and let her daughter out.And Joh completley made the right decision,stood firm+did'nt.Some replies did'nt even answer her question.

I could right a book about my VERY strict upbringing(+life even though i am only 34).But i have the upmost respect,love+admiration for my Nan+Grandad(as a lot of you on here know),apart from my own family-they are my world+i believe how they raised me,punished me etc.. reflects on me now+for that i am eternally grateful to them.
I believe Joh that one day your girls+your son,will sit back+reflect on there life+thank you.x.

PoppyAnna
02-06-2009, 05:59 AM
I think the point here is not what the punishment was - as parents only we can decided that - but that the punishment was upheld and I think Joh has done the right thing here.

Who's to say in future those times/punishments are adapted but when her daughter left the house that morning those rules were in place.

I think from reading between the lines of the mother daughter posts on here - there's a lot of respect going on - the very fact her daughter can make jokes about the punishment shows deep down she respects her mother.

I came from what I thought was a strict background compared to my friends but I can totally see now where my parents were coming from and love them even more for it now i'm a parent myself.

As my girls are only young I hope Joh can remember this and then pass on her pearls of wisdom when I need help with 2 teenage girls! :rotfl2:

I totally agree, when I was writing my response, I actually deleted a few bits as I couldn't word them better in a hurry. When I said I thought it was responsible of Joh's DD that she was keeping in touch with her, I wrote "so you must be doing something right as I didn't make any effort to call my Mum" this sounded like Joh was doing a lot wrong:upsidedow and I was trying to stay positive. I don't doubt your parenting or your love for your children, Joh.

wideeyes
02-06-2009, 06:02 AM
.And Joh completley made the right decision,stood firm+did'nt.Some replies did'nt even answer her question.



I agree she made the right descion in sticking to her guns and from reading the posts again it sounds like her DD was given an inch and ran a mile.

ilovepoohbear
02-06-2009, 11:23 AM
I was actually out in the garden and what me and Daniel did just proves that I can have fun when being grounded :lmao:

http://i370.photobucket.com/albums/oo143/iloveeeyoreforever/me/IMAG0004.jpg

http://i370.photobucket.com/albums/oo143/iloveeeyoreforever/me/IMAG0002.jpg

natalielongstaff
02-06-2009, 12:28 PM
Fab pics Hun :thumbsup2 glad you had fun x x

Booknut
02-06-2009, 02:28 PM
Well done Joh and well done ilovepoohbear for being so cool, love the snowman you and your brother made :goodvibes

I hope when Matilda is a teenager that I can be as level-headed and consistent at parenting as you are Joh. I've gotten some great tips from this thread, just got to remember them 13 years from now :lmao:

wilma-bride
02-07-2009, 03:02 AM
Great pics babe :thumbsup2 Well done for managing to get through the day yesterday - only 1 week to go ;)

Chilly
02-07-2009, 07:04 AM
Cute pictures of Daniel

ilovepoohbear
02-07-2009, 07:37 AM
Great pics babe :thumbsup2 Well done for managing to get through the day yesterday - only 1 week to go ;)

Yeah :rotfl2:

Lizzybear
02-07-2009, 07:46 AM
I think the point here is not what the punishment was - as parents only we can decided that - but that the punishment was upheld and I think Joh has done the right thing here.

I agree 100%. My parents have always been very liberal and if we were punished it was very inconsistent, I honestly can't remember having many boundaries at all as a kid and they were even more relaxed with my younger sister but, although I love them, I don't think this did us any favours. Don't want to get into too much detail (it's complicated, boring etc..) but I think consistency in discipline is so important and it's something I always try to establish with the children I work with.

mark&sue
02-07-2009, 10:24 AM
I just wanted to re-iterate what Mandy said in that I am so grateful for moblile phones making it possible for me to keep in touch with Kirsty.

When I think back what I put my poor mum through. she never knew where I was or who I was with and we used to just say we could not find a phone box or did not have 2p (you had to push the money in when you hear it beep!!)

It would be handy to tag them with an electronic chip, I am sure that will be here in a few years.

Just love technology


susan

Snowy-girls
02-07-2009, 11:24 AM
Great pics :thumbsup2 ,i love Daniel's little rosy red cheeks.x.

carolfoy
02-08-2009, 01:19 PM
Joh, I am always in deep awe at what a great parent you are. I wish I was as good as you, I just wake up every day and if he's still alive I reckon I must be doing something right :confused3