Beavis n Butters: Marathon Trip 09 *Updated with Pictures*

[Gobbles!]

Let me start out with a warning. This is my very first trip report. Actually, I’ll use ‘our’ instead of ‘my’, as I will be reporting with considerable help from my wife. So, with further ado, here we go…

Shortly after my wife and I completed the Disney Marathon in 2008 with my father, it was time to register for the 2009. I had gotten the hankering to do the goofy challenge, and my wife (who had decided she would retire from full marathons... foreshadowing….) decided it would be fun to initiate her mother into the extreme distance running circuit by coercing her into running the half marathon.

This would possibly take quite a bit of coercion, considering her mother had never run a distance greater than 10k, and didn’t particularly care for that length of race. And so our story begins…

At this time, my dear wife has reminded me that you, the reader, have no clue who any of us are. So I’d better take care of that. First, there’s me. To protect the innocent, I’ll go by the name of ‘Butters’. I’m a civil engineer who enjoys long walks on the beach… sorry, not that type of report. Anyway, I am 26 years old. My fascination with Disney began when my wife (whose biography is coming up shortly) took me to Disney World in college. My first roller coaster was the Rockin’ Rollercoaster, and my first circular raft ride was Kali River Rapids. Oh, and my first ever marathon was at Disney World in 2005. But enough about me. Let’s meet the next contestant…

My wife, who goes by the name of Beavis (and yes, this is true and was in no way because of me) is a retired accountant. Yes, I am married to a MUCH OLDER woman. She’s 27. She had been to Disney World three times before she met me, and has always been a great admirer of Disney films. And she has a mother…

Her mother’s code name is MataMata (for the purposes of this trip report, that is pronounced MAAhhtAAA MAAAAAAHTAAAaa!!! ). It’s a somewhat long story as to why that is her code name. Actually it’s not long at all. I just choose not to say. She’s super awesome, and runs a heck of a good 5k. However, she doesn’t really go in for these ‘distance things’. Here, ‘distance things’ is defined as anything above a 5k. She went on a spring break trip to Disney when she was in college as well… back in 1976. We weren’t there for it, but I hear it was great. Incidentally, MY parents went in 1976 as well. Again, I wasn’t there, but I’m sure it was great.

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MataMata, Beavis, & Butters

[Gobbles!]

Now that the cast has been introduced, back to the story. A lot of interesting and unrelated things occurred between our registration, our coercion of MataMata into registering for the half marathon, and us getting to the day we started our trip from Oklahoma City (where Beavis and I reside) down to Orlando (which is that little city right up north and east of Disney World, used as a general approximation. You get the idea.). But it seems relatively immaterial, and therefore won’t be mentioned at this time.

On January 6, we headed out from OKC (as we like to call it) at about 5:30pm to pick up MataMata in Fayetteville, Arkansas. About 3 hours later, we got to Fayetteville and packed up the MataMata luggage. We then promptly rolled out at 9:18pm (times are Central Standard, of course). And we didn’t stop driving until… we stopped for gas about 5 miles down the road. Seriously though, we drove straight through the night to get to Orlando at 4:30pm (Eastern time zone now) the next day. What can I say, we’re super cool like that. Once we got into town, we stopped at the pickup point for MataMata’s park tickets. We got them at a UPS store. It was all very cloak and dagger. And touristy ;). Anyway, we had used a discount travel website to book our first night’s stay at the last minute. You know, the one where you don’t know where the hotel is until you pay for it. We decided that the price was pretty good ($33 for one night at a three star hotel), and the place should be fine as long as it wasn’t near Old Town, which is actually a very small town in Florida right between Kissimmee and Celebration. We entered our billing info, registered, and found out our hotel was Seralago… in OLD TOWN! Brrrk!

But I digress… We checked in to the Seralago hotel, and were very pleased to find that we didn’t pay any more than the $33 we had committed to. This is because the hotel was about on par with a $33 hotel. Other than that, it was great. And the beds worked. Of course, we weren’t to discover that important piece of information for quite some time because we had to… go to EPCOT! Which I prefer to keep in all caps because I was trying to yell it. Just that once.

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[DearDaisyinDurham]

I am SO not a runner but I'm in for reading!! Great start!

[Gobbles!]

Once we got to the park, we flashed our annual passes (ok, just one of them) for free parking and were ‘Amazed’ on row 36. I then tried to run up ahead of the group to use my annual pass to buy a ‘Tables in Wonderland’ pass from guest services. Unfortunately, I wasn’t very fast, but the group was nice enough to wait for me. TIW pass in hand, we all entered the park and made our way to the Earth … Spaceship Earth. I use the bond naming pattern for this ride because the ride is now narrated by ‘M’. Get it?

Spaceship Earth is one of the coolest rides at Epcot now. I’m not being facetious. The other rides are great and all, but this one takes your picture. Just as a word of advice, make sure it’s a good picture. We always do.

After we travelled back to our time and got off the ride, we headed to Morocco, for a delightful dining experience at one of the best, and easiest to get in to, restaurants at Epcot: Restaurant Marrakesh. However, on the way we had a rather shocking round of ‘Canadian Roulette’ as we like to call it. We will go into greater detail on both topics in a forthcoming ‘Dining review’.

[DearDaisyinDurham]

how are you writing this so fast? my own TR is taking months! (but I am a wee bit of a lazy Daisy)


oh, I hope the Canadian story is a good one!

[Gobbles!]

I am SO not a runner but I'm in for reading!! Great start!

I appreciate the encouragement. So far we've got two or three days worth that we're putting up. Then we'll have to let the suspense build... at least until tomorrow.

[Gobbles!]

how are you writing this so fast? my own TR is taking months! (but I am a wee bit of a lazy Daisy)


oh, I hope the Canadian story is a good one!

We pre-typed part of it in Word, and we're pasting it in. We had a snow day today, which helps. Don't get too excited about the Canadian roulette reference. It's a food game we play, and it probably just amuses us.

[Gobbles!]

Dinner dined upon, we were ready to boldly saunter forth into the night. We traveled over to Japan to explore the koi ponds. Next, we hit Italy and tossed coins into the miniature Trevi Fountain. Having thrown away our money so early in the trip, we went over to the new restaurant in Italy, that used to be Alfredo’s. Beavis and I mourned the loss of one third of the Alfredo’s franchise, and longingly described the greatness of the original Fettucini Alfredo, prepared tableside and so good. MataMata was properly impressed, and seemed to properly understand the gravity of the loss. I say this because she suggested (or maybe I did and she agreed) that the only thing to do now was get some good German beer.

[Gobbles!]

And so we did. More on that in the ‘Dining report’. Although I must say, there really isn’t much more to the beer story than to say we got some beer. And it was good. HOWEVER, on the way to Germany to buy beer, MataMata (who works in railroad logistics) spotted a terrible situation. A train had derailed in the German train garden. Fortunately, she was there to act quickly. She made a few calls. And now I will change subjects, much the way the writers for lost do, to pique the interest, and then postpone the payoff to a later date.

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[DearDaisyinDurham]

We pre-typed part of it in Word, and we're pasting it in. We had a snow day today, which helps. Don't get too excited about the Canadian roulette reference. It's a food game we play, and it probably just amuses us.

:thumbsup2 all the better if it's a food game!! :rotfl2:

[Gobbles!]

Next up was one of Beavis’ favorite places: Norway. While in Norway, we rode Viking ships that were hijacked by trolls, and almost went backwards over the falls. We also found out that we were not the first to pass that way, nor would we be the last. Suspense. Intrigue. Water. Great ride. But that’s not why Beavis loves the place so much. After the ride, we went through the gift shop, past the $398,000 sweaters (ok, more like $550) and straight to the fragrance area. She’s madly addicted to the lotion, perfume, and … ok, we don’t really remember a third thing. But things come in threes, and I’m sure she loves it too.

After Beavis lotioned up and got all good smelling, we went to find our spot for Illuminations. For those of you who don’t know what Illuminations is, or why I can confidently say ‘Illuminations is’ without using bad grammar, you should read posts by people who know how to properly report a trip, and come back with the required knowledge. The spot we chose was south of Mexico. No, I’m not talking about Brazil (although there were about a Brazillion tour groups from there). The area between that gift shop place and the bridge to Mexico. It turned out to be a pretty good spot because of the wind that night (it was blowing away from us).

With the fireworks over, we journeyed forth to imaginatively discover our creativity in the exploration to find our car. We did. It was Amazing. 36. We got in and drove to Seralago for the evening.

[Gobbles!]

DAY 2:

Thursday morning, we checked out of Seralago and went to the greatest attraction in the greater Orlando area. I speak of course of Publix. This is a grocery store. It’s such a glorious grocer. Nice alliteration. Thank you. You’re welcome. But I digress. While at Publix, we got some chocodile wafers and some Try Me Tiger Sauce (our whole excuse for going to Florida. Oklahoma doesn’t carry this stuff, and it’s good). Next, we cruised our former homesite at Celebration, and stopped at the local Starbucks for a drink. Finally, we headed out to check into the place we would call home for the rest of our trip: Old Key West.

[Gobbles!]

At check-in, the nice man at the counter informed us that we couldn’t make him tell us where the room was, so we decided to go to the Animal Kingdom instead. We didn’t want a stupid room anyways. As a point of truth, the guy gave us our keys and said to call after 4 for the room number. We happily and gratefully thanked him for his help, and headed out to the parks.

By the time we got to the lot (using our resort pass this time to change things up), they were assigning parking in the Dinosaur lot. We were on row 36. Again. That’s Disney magic. I know because a cast member came up when we parked and gave me one of those ‘Magical Moment’ certificates with the moment filled out “parked in row 36 twice in a row”. And I’d thought we threw them off with the resort pass! Note: That didn’t really happen. We did park on row 36 though. Pretty cool, huh?

Although the tram was located conveniently right next to where we were parked, we decided it would be best to walk the relatively short distance to the gates. Besides, the tram was full, and they wouldn’t let us on, even if we wanted on. However, we beat the tram to the gate. That’s karma. ;)

[Gobbles!]

On park entry, we headed straight to where the spoonbills were nesting. Beavis took a moment to get reacquainted with them, as she used to visit them quite often when we lived in Celebration. With their tearful reunion over, Beavis thought it was time we found them a tissue and carry on.

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We passed the remainder of the veritable myriad of animals on our way to Discovery Island with great interest and attention, ending up on Discovery Island

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with the Village Beatniks performing. We stopped to listen, but they knew talent when they saw it, and almost begged us to come up and join in. Although we hadn’t rehearsed, I think we did pretty well, and the band assured us that we were by far the finest tuned rod players they had ever seen, and made us honorary Beatniks. Super cool. Which reminds me, I need to update my resume…

After the impromptu concert, we headed over to Dinoland USA. We had heard there was a time travel experience where we could go back in time and see REAL dinosaurs. On the way, we said hello to the American crocodile.

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I feel kind of bad for this guy, because people first of all don’t believe there is such a thing. Second, people who see him think he’s not real. I assure you that he IS real, and therefore DOES exist. Anyway, we headed to the Dinoland Institute, where Dr. Huxtable - I mean Dr. Marsh – told us all about the time travel deal, before one of her workers went rogue and… but I don’t want to ruin it for everyone. Let’s just say he wasn’t running for President. During our ride, a voice behind me (possibly that rogue agent) kept yelling that he didn’t think we would make it, saying, “We’re not going to make it! We’re not going to make it!” Turns out, he was right. The vehicle came to a complete halt right in front of the … well it stopped for a while because the ride broke down. And in a strategic spot. ;)

[Gobbles!]

After that near-death time travel experience, we decided to get a fastpass to take a calming train ride up Everest. I didn’t know they could do that!

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On the way, we checked times for ‘Finding Nemo, the Musical’. MataMata had never seen the original. We assured her she was in for… something.

Next up, we took an expedition on Kali River Rapids. We learned a very valuable lesson about how terrible illegal logging is. Especially if you’re a truck driver. That’s right kids: only LEGAL logging is appropriate.

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Once we narrowly escaped death on the rapids, we were treated to a jungle trek by the Maharajah. He’s got a lovely bunch of animals, but I must say, his buildings are kind of falling apart. Interestingly, he hid a lot of Mickeys all over the walls.

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Can you spot the hidden Mickey in this next picture?
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While we were trekking, MataMata was clipped by a bird in the aviary. It must have been upset that she was wearing a bat shirt and not a pretty bird shirt. But she was wearing the bat shirt because she really likes bats, and was planning to visit them. Which she did.

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[Gobbles!]

After the trek, we headed back to Nemo (as they call it, whoever ‘they’ are).

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Having never seen the movie, MataMata thought it was a GREAT production. Beavis and I, however, were distracted. It appeared that all the characters were puppets with PEOPLE holding them. And we could SEE them. Actually, that was our reaction the first time we saw the show, when it first opened. This was our second viewing, and we both liked it a great deal more.

After the show, we made our way to a calming, relaxing train ride up to the peak of Everest. Talk about taking the work out of the accomplishment, right? Well, as it turned out there was a bit of an accident when we got on the train, that proved to be near-fatal. And we saw a giant… but I don’t want to ruin it for you. If the train ride is still going, there’s probably nothing for YOU to worry about when you go there.

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[Gobbles!]

Next, we proceeded to go where everyone goes after Expedition Everest: to Yak (and Yeti). Get it? Then we trekked all the way to Africa, where we got fastpasses for Kilimanjaro Safari. We had to wait SO LONG for the fastpasses to come in to effect. SO LONG, for those of you who don’t know, is approximately five minutes. It was the last round of fastpasses for the day, so that’s that. While waiting SO LONG (which it occurs to me that most parents know exactly how SO LONG is, as their kids probably remind them often when they have to wait patiently for something… but I digress) we went over to the nearby pretzel stand (because pretzels are indigenous to Africa) and got some pretzels. Five minutes later, we got in the fastpass line for the safari, and to make a long story short (too late) began our two week safari.

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Unfortunately, the safari had to be cut short for… unforeseen circumstances. But it was still a pretty cool trip. We got to see what was described as ‘irrefutable proof that these animals aren’t animatronics’ when we came around a corner to find a hippo… taking care of business. All over a wall.

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Yeah.
And we got a really good view of the lions. The male was prowling.

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Pretty cool.

[Gobbles!]

After the safari, we decided to venture into the Pangani Forest to see what was there. We got to see animal keepers in their natural habitat. They were stationing the bachelor gorilla troupe to go in for the night.

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Afterwards, we got to speak with Keeper Jon about keeping. It was interesting and very informative.

At this point, the park was eerily quiet. This made us realize that closing time was 5 minutes ago. We slowly left the park. Towards the exit, it got somewhat crowded with others in our situation. The guy behind me accidentally lost control of his double-wide (stroller), with the terrified kids still sitting in it. Fortunately, I was only about a foot in front of it. I saved the day, by stopping the cart with my heel. Ouch. He and I both tried to pretend it didn’t happen, but the children were upset, and Beavis looked over at me and said, “Did you just get run over by a stroller?” To which I had to nod. Once I was forced to acknowledge this act, the dad was also forced to live up to what he had done. He apologized several times. I said it was no problem. And quite understandable. The children were still upset, until we all rounded a corner and saw Mickey, Minnie, Donald, and Goofy waving goodbye.

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Then, all was right with the world.

We ventured forth (and no, I’m not going to come up with a clever reference to butterflies, unicorns, and dinosaurs. That game is only for the Epcot parking area) to the Dinosaur lot, got in our car and headed off to the Wide World of Sports for… the EXPO!! (marathon expo and packet pickup)

[Gobbles!]

Once we got to the expo,

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we made our way to packet pickup, and then to get our goody bags.

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I got in the goofy line, and Beavis and MataMata got in the Half marathon line. Here is my experience in the goofy line:

The lines are marked according to the shirt size you sign up for. I got in the ‘Large’ line because I’m ‘Large’. Anyway, as it turns out NOBODY is in the ‘Small’ line, so the lady there tells me to go over to her. I say, “but I’m Large”. She says, “I don’t care”. So I go over there, and she registers me, and does a great job of it. When she gives me my goody bag, she says, “Make sure the shirts are all the right size”. I say, “ok, I will”. Then she insists I check while she’s watching just to make sure it’s right, and she checks it too. Such great customer service. They’re all Large shirts, and I head on my way.

Apparently, in the amount of time it took to process me, a line of ‘Small’ people had formed behind me. Beavis and MataMata then came over, to find me being processed through the ‘Small’ line. What a jerk. Honestly. That’s probably what they must have been thinking. Probably what the ‘Small’ people behind me were thinking too. Then I came over to meet with my group, and they informed me that I was in the wrong line. I told them that I knew that and had checked, and everything was cool. They, being super awesome and stuff, weren’t convinced. Out of concern for me (and probably trying to avoid having to see my ‘Large’ (although more toward ‘Medium’) frame in a ‘Small’ technical shirt), they insisted that I check again. And it was a good thing they made me do this because I realized… that everything was in order and all the shirts were ‘Large’. Whew, that was a close one.

Now, the experience Beavis and MataMata had was a little different. They got their stuff without incident.

[Gobbles!]

After getting our bags, we worked the expo. While there, we got our sunspots checked, got a foot scan, tried on some Spira spring shoes, said ‘hi’ to the guy at the Fleet Feet Orlando booth (we talk to him every year), saw one of the guys we used to run with when we lived in Celebration, and I got a goofy challenge coat. This was something that Beavis and I were kicking ourselves about earlier in 2007, when we each ran the goofy challenge. We WERE planning to get one of the super cool jackets, but they sold out before we got a chance to get one. We vowed that if we ever ran the challenge again, we’d get a jacket.

Once we had finished with the expo, we headed to our room, which we had ascertained the whereabouts of on the way out of the Animal Kingdom. The room (2116) was great, although notable in the fact that it was a handicapped room. We were initially disappointed, because this meant we couldn’t take an ice bath. But then we realized that ice baths are lame. And it’s tough to step into a bathtub after long distance running.

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We unloaded the car, and changed into our warmer clothes, so that we could head to… Downtown Disney! We went there to scout out a place for dinner. Beavis and I had heard about the new T-Rex restaurant opening, and so we checked the place out on the way to our fine dinner at the Earl of Sandwich.

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While there, we also visited the World of Disney,

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the pantry, etc… and most notably Ghiradelli’s.

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Now, here’s a fun fact for you: when you go into the Ghiradelli STORE to browse around, you get a FREE sample of chocolate. Every time we have been, it has been a peanut butter filled chocolate. Come to think of it, we should check those peanut butter recalls… but still it’s pretty cool. Finally, we headed back to OKW for the evening.

[Gobbles!]

Please stay tuned for the next installment tomorrow.

[Gobbles!]

DAY 3:

We woke up the next morning and headed out to Epcot.

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Some of us were more excited than others...
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This time, we used the OTHER annual pass we had to get our parking entry. We have to keep them on their toes, you know. We parked in Amaze 38. Upon entry, we made a beeline to Soarin’ to get our fastpasses. Once we all had gotten our passes, we decided to sign up for the ‘behind the seeds’ tour of the Land. We had a cunning plan to use our annual passes to get a discount. Turns out that we could have used any number of things to get a discount, as we showed our annual passes, and the cast member noticed our DVC passes. He told us we could get a discount for that too. I was super stoked. Then I paid with my Disney Visa. There’s a discount for that too. They were almost paying us to do the tour! And then the kind cast member let me know that I could only use one discount. D’oh! I decided to cut down on the paperwork, and use the Visa discount. He agreed that that was probably the best course of action. Anyway, we signed up for the 10:30 showing and then…

[Gobbles!]

While we were waiting for our fastpass time to come up, we decided to head over to The Seas
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(which I could swear used to be living. Now they’re not. So sad, but at least Nemo and Friends are there. Whoever Friends is) to explore during the time gap.
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In order to get in, the three of us squeezed into a single clam (pretty big clams, I must say) and snuck in. On the way in, we found out that Nemo had gone missing, and we tried to help reunite him with his dad. Lucky for him we came along. We were also spotted by a starfish, who wanted us to help him escape, because he couldn’t stand the songs that the other aqualife were singing. Poor guy. He’s stuck there, literally.

The observation area was pretty cool. We got to see dolphins, manatees, and other various sea creatures.
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No sea turtles, though. Also, we got to see the outside of the area where Beavis and I had our wedding reception.
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Last, we took a picture that we take every time we visit the Seas (living or not). There is a picture displayed on the wall, of Beavis’ aunt. We always take a picture of the two of them together. Oddly, her aunt doesn’t seem to age very quickly.
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[Gobbles!]

With the photo opportunity complete, we headed back to catch the ‘Behind the seeds’ tour. We arrived about 15 minutes early, as is our custom, and waited as the tour group formed. When the time came for the tour, we were led through the backstage area, and learned about the different technologies being used at Epcot to grow things. It was very interesting, informative, and educational. One of the low points of the tour, however, came when we were asked to introduce ourselves and say where we were from…

As a little bit of back story, Beavis and I met in college at the University of Arkansas (that’s in Fayetteville, Arkansas). After graduation, we moved to Celebration, Florida, for about a year, before I got another job in Oklahoma City, where we now live. As a graduate from a school in the Southeastern Conference (which uses the common acronym SEC, and is not to be confused with the Securities and Exchange Commission), I know enough to support SEC schools, which includes the University of Florida. The University of Florida had recently (the previous night) won the NCAA football national championship by destroying the University of Oklahoma (ok, more like merely outscoring them). The U of O (which everyone calls ‘OU’ for some reason) is based out of Norman, and the residents of Oklahoma have mixed feelings about the university anyway. We, as total outsiders, found ourselves in a win-win position in that we could claim the SEC if Florida won, and claim our state of residence if OU won. Unfortunately, we underestimated the fact that nobody would believe us if we claimed Florida as being in our conference, when we were in fact living in Oklahoma. Should have seen that coming I guess. So, there was a very awkward pause and a lot of knowing looks flashed around toward our general direction when we stated we were living in Oklahoma. Don’t worry, I’m not bitter.

[Gobbles!]

Anyway, the rest of the tour was pretty awesome, and we got to learn about hydroponics and other ponics, while standing ‘behind the seeds’.

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For a lot of the tour, we got to watch as people on the ‘Living with the Land’ ride rode by.

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I think some of them were convinced that we were cast members acting like tourists. We had many pictures taken of us. And we were in for a very cool treat when we were given a sample of their specially grown cucumbers. Probably because we looked as cool as cucumbers.

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Also, either because we were stupidly lucky or because all tour groups get to do it, we got to feed the alligators! I must say, I’d hate to get in the way of that feeding frenzy.

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Anyway, to sum up the Behind the Seeds tour, it is pretty cool. A lot is learned about different plants and growing methods.

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Pollution and pesticides are bad. DON’T TOUCH THE PLANTS. Gators are cool, and eat pellets. If you are an SEC fan from Arkansas living in Oklahoma, you still live in Oklahoma. Get over it or just move. As a side note, we aren’t moving.

Once the tour was complete, we were towards the end of our time window for our Soarin’ fastpasses, so we walked right down the fastpass queue and got on the flight in a relatively short manner. This flight took us over a lot of really cool scenic Californian real estate. We even flew over some orange groves. I have since heard that those weren’t really orange groves, and then I heard they were, and then that they were actually a subdivision of houses that were cleverly DISGUISED as orange groves. If you go to the Disneyland boards, you can get in on that discussion. All I know is it looked a whole lot like trees to me, and smelled like oranges. What more can you ask for? Oddly, I never knew the ocean ALSO smelled a lot like oranges. But it obviously wasn’t an orange grove, because it looked a lot like the ocean. So there’s that.

[Gobbles!]

Once we had landed with our seatbacks and tray tables in their upright and locked position, we decided to get some lunch, which we got from the ‘Sunshine Seasons’ restaurant. The three of us decided to eat asian cuisine. As usual, those details will be in the forthcoming dining review. After having sufficiently fed, we headed over to get fastpasses for Test Track. Actually, to be more specific, I headed over to get the passes, while my dear wife and mother-in-law were assumed to be heading back to the seas to see Turtle Talk, because MataMata is really into Turtles. As it turned out, after I cunningly and quickly carved my way through the crowd, I got the fastpasses and turned around in time to see the rest of the group coming towards me. They had decided they didn’t really want to walk all that way over to the seas, so they just went with me. I guess in my cunningness, I forgot to be quick, because they weren’t very far back.

...I pause to bring you a message from our sponsor in the sky...

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I'm not quite sure what he is trying to sell...Perhaps...

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...And now back to the show...

Fastpasses secured with Beavis, our group travelled onward to the great country of MEXICO.

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We got there, of course, using the land bridge through the Odyssey. In Mexico, we rode the awesome ‘Fiesta’ ride. There was no wait. It was awesome. Unfortunately, the ride wasn’t working properly. Donald decided to be Donald, and got himself separated from the group. Typical. I swear that happens every time we try to ride that ride. After the fiesta, we shopped the local wares,

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and headed north, to NORWAY!

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[Gobbles!]

This time, because we were coming in from the south, we made a trip to the Stave Church, to see what there was to see. At this point I would like to express my regret that we are unable to post any pictures yet. [Ha HA! Alas, pictures!] This would be a great opportunity to show the timidity and trepidation involved in entering such a hallowed place. For those of you who don’t know, you actually ARE allowed to go inside there. I promise. But I’m not saying what you’ll find in there. That’s for you to find out.

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Also, while in the south of Norway, we stopped to take our picture with one of the super awesomest (I know, not a word) runners in the world. From Norway. Grette Waitz. It was very appropriate, as she is a marathon runner, and we were there for marathon running. Again, wish I could post pictures. [And we can now!] She chased me out of Norway.

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Then I realized she wasn’t really moving, and came back into the country more than a little bit embarrassed. While there, we stopped again at Beavis’ very favorite spot, and decided it was time to make the leap in commitment: we bought the lotion. And the perfume. And a very loud handbag, that is reversible (although it looks a little bit inside-out either way. It feels really nice though). So I guess the handbag would be the third thing that is loved. But the handbag was actually just free as part of a package deal. They really knew how to get rid of those bags. Anyway…

[Gobbles!]

We decided to dig a hole...

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or two...
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to CHINA!

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We went into the Terra Cotta warrior museum and scoped the area out.

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At first I was somewhat startled to find a massive army of small tan people.

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Then I realized they were actually the terra cotta warriors. Yeah, I should have seen that one coming. Next, we went through the gift shop, where it is ok that everything is made in China. Beavis is a very big fan of the giant panda, and always loves to browse the panda memorabilia.

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We found a few new and interesting panda items to add to her collection, purchased, and headed out to the bridge to the African outpost. It was cool, as always. You could almost call it a ‘coolpost’.

[Gobbles!]

Across the ‘coolpost’, we got to the land of beer and pretzels. No, not Africa. GERMANY!

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This area is dear to me, as I spent seven of my formative years in Germany in various cities as a child. So, we shopped the German shops, and I heard one bewildered vacationer ask a very patient and friendly cast member, ‘why is there a duck billed platypus for sale in Germany? That’s just silly!’ or something along those lines. Although I didn’t hear his answer, I can confidently answer the question for any of you who may be wondering. The duck billed platypus, while not indigenous to Germany, has ancestral roots in Luxembourg. Luxembourg, of course, had to cede what is now known as Germany at the end of the first World War. That is when the beloved Luxembourg duck billed platypus was removed from Luxemborg, on an exodus to Australia.

Let me make it clear that in no way, shape, or form is that remotely true. The real reason is that Steiff, a toy company that is very famous for their stuffed animals, is based in Germany and decided to make a duck billed platypus. They also sell pandas. Pandas are from China. Eh, German kids need cool animals too.

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Wait a minute. Let's take a closer look at that one again...

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A dog riding a horse?! Germany already has cool animals!

On our way out of Germany, we passed the train garden that was the site of the terrible derailment two nights before. Fortunately, thanks to the quick thinking and hard work of MataMata, the proper calls were made, and the train derailment was fixed.

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From my understanding only minor injuries were sustained. Whew.

[Gobbles!]

In ITALY,

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we went in for a closeup view of the gondola, before going back to the mini-trevi to dispose of more of our money.

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Mission accomplished. We also ducked into the perfume room while MataMata stayed outside to breathe in the fresh air. We talked about pretending to be Italian Paparazzi and then thought, 'When in Rome'...

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After our sneaky pictures, we headed onward toward … the USA!!! USA!!! USA!!!
Sorry I get carried away sometimes. The USA (USA!! USA!! Ok, sorry, last time) is our very favorite Epcot country to…

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walk through without stopping and notice how it is so American. We have seen the show many times. We like it. The singers are great (we saw them perform the national anthem at the capital one bowl when we went to see Arkansas play that one time). But we weren’t feeling it today, so we trucked on through to… JAPAN!

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While in Japan, we admired the gardens,

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and stopped for some food. Also, we went through the Tin Toy museum and then shopped through the Mitsukoshi department store. Sadly, the Iron Chef items are no longer sold there, but it’s always fun to see the foods and sakes and other cool stuff they sell.

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[Gobbles!]

The next stop we made, as many of you could guess, was… MOROCCO!

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Here, we stopped to eat at the Tangerine Café. We’ll rave about how awesome it was in the food report (we should probably get on that…). Then we left, and headed to … FRANCE!

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In France, we stopped to watch some guy freeclimb his way up a stack of chairs.

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Way more impressive than I just made it sound. Next, we were in the mood for ‘Impressions de France’. Well, MataMata was in the mood for it, so we went for it. It was a very comfortable theatre, with a 180 degree view of the French countryside and soothing music. The narrator spoke longingly of his native country, and we were all lulled into a very comfortable and meditative stupor. It was great. After we were properly impressed (de France?), we headed to the shops and… shopped. Then it seemed like a good time to eat again, so we crossed the chunnel to… THE UK!

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[Gobbles!]

In the UK, we stopped for fish and chips at the fish and chips place. You know the drill… dining report. Then we went through the heraldry shop, and the Twinings Tea store.

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While we were in the UK, we heard a nearby cry for help. Beavis and I were wearing our Incredibles!! Shirts, so we took advantage of the UK phone booths to change to our heroic alter-egos.

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Next thing we knew, we were in the third pointy point of the US, UK, Canada triangle… CANADA!!!

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(What? You can't tell it's Canada?)

Once in Canada, we realized that there was no cry for help, and it was merely a clever literary device I used to brag about having Incredibles!! Shirts. What can I say, I’m petty like that. Canada is a great place to explore, with the lovely gardens, castle, and cool shops. Also, they have Martin Short on circle vision! And it’s the site of Canadian roulette, which we won’t speak of, except to say that it will be discussed on our forthcoming ‘dining review’. I feel like a rock musician on a talk show. Always plugging that album, you know?

[Gobbles!]

After our Canadian exploration, we decided it was about time to head to… FLORIDA!!!! It was a smooth trip, and we arrived with very little incident. Once back at Epcot, we made our way to Club Cool, where we got some free samples of the international soft drink sensations that Americans are too petty to put up with. My personal favorite is MezzoMix. But I grew up in Germany. Beavis really likes Kinley. We can’t remember what MataMata liked, but she probably liked the Chinese one.

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After properly hydrating (remember, we are here for a race), we headed out to the Test Track.

Can you find the hidden Mickey?
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How about now?
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Once we got there, we were assigned to a test vehicle, and shown all about how cars are tested for quality. Sadly, we rounded a corner and found that they had taken my Saturn Vue, repainted it, and ran a crash test on it. Now we don’t have any means of transportation around Disney, or any way to get home.

[Gobbles!]

After our test track experience, we headed over to MouseGear to look for things to buy for our coworkers who were stuck back at home.

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We have coined a phrase, ‘smells like Innoventions’. If any of you have an idea of what this might mean, let me go on and say that MouseGear smelled a lot like Innoventions. As Johnny Depp would say, “Ew! No one would BUY it!” (we use that phrase too).

Next up, Spaceship Earth.

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The golf ball. The golph ball (that’s golf with a ph). Whatever you want to call it, go ahead and call it that. It’s a great ride. But we already covered that part. I will note that MataMata broke the proper ride etiquette for the taking of the picture, and in her excitement she leaned too far forward. The resulting picture ended up getting a little bit buggy. So, remember: take a good picture.

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[Gobbles!]

After our experience in the golf ball,

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we left the park to discover the creative path towards our imaginative journey of explorations that amazed us on row 38, where we found our car. Apparently, the nice people of Test Track had fixed it back to like-new ish condition, and repainted it to a lovely Chili Pepper Red. Our next stop: the Beach Club. Here, we got in line for Beaches and Cream. You know, more on that somewhere else… After that life altering experience that you just HAVE to read about on my new album… er the dining review… we headed back to OKW for the evening, to get some sleep before… THE BIG RACE!

[Hoosier Mom]

Would you mind if I asked how were the lines and the weather? We are hoping to go 2nd week of January next year. Thanks! Enjoying your report.

[Gobbles!]

Now it is time for the actual ‘running’ report part to come in to play. Typically, the night before our races, we make sure we have everything we need (i.e. shoes, clothes, race number) in one place, and assembled so that we don’t have to worry about it during the 3 hours that we’re waiting around at the starting area before the race starts. That’s right. Three hours. We lay out our shirts, with our race numbers neatly pinned to the front, on top of our race shorts so that it looks like an invisible person may be wearing the clothes.

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A very flat invisible person.

And we take our magic time chip (for those of you who don’t run these events, there’s a radio frequency identification chip that is assigned to each runner to keep track of them. That way, a runner who starts at the back can have an official time that is accurate, and the race people know that you actually hit all the checkpoints in the race and didn’t cheat by cutting the course or taking the monorail) and securely fasten it to our shoe. To do this, we use a secret technique (a zip tie). (It is at this point that Beavis, who is watching me type, is hysterically laughing about my paragraphs inside of my parentheses. Well, not hysterically, but she’s laughing).

[Gobbles!]

Would you mind if I asked how were the lines and the weather? We are hoping to go 2nd week of January next year. Thanks! Enjoying your report.

I'm glad you asked. In general, the wait times were considerably shorter than what was posted. We have great fun timing each line, and I don't think we were ever in a line in which the wait time exceeded what was posted. That's a good thing. Having said that, there was one big name ride that we did not try (Toy Story Mania. The fastpasses were gone when we got there, and there was an 80 minute wait).
We've gone at all times of the year, and found that this is a great time of the year to go. The crowds are pretty light.
As with any time of the year, the big name rides can be counted on to have a heftier wait time. But as long as you plan out fastpasses, you should be good.
The weather is kind of a tricky question. First of all, it's Florida, so you have to pack for any weather. Also, it is a bit relative to where you are coming from. Every time we go for the marathon, the weather ranges from about 40 something in the morning to 86 in the afternoon. But there have been years when we didn't go to run, and the temperature was a bit cooler. Sometimes the low is around 60. I'm talking too much. The point is: plan according to the weather about a week out, ALWAYS bring a jacket or coat, and wear layers. Pants are also a good thing, for just in case.

[Gobbles!]

We also get out our temporary ponchos ready. These ponchos are actually big trash bags that we will put on in the morning. The bags hold the body heat in a little body heat cocoon. It’s nice and warm, relatively speaking. Beavis was brilliant enough to use TWO trash bags: one for a poncho, and one for a pair of pants. It looked a little bit like a giant diaper. But it was warm. It looks pretty funny, but it gets the job done.

Those items lay out with the other essential clothing, a light breakfast, ‘running food’ (which is not really food, strictly speaking), and room keys and stuff like that. By the time we got everything laid out, it was 9:45pm. And so we went to sleep, only to be awakened 4 hours and 45 minutes later to get ready for… the HALF MARATHON!!!

[Gobbles!]

Please stay tuned for another shocking, gripping, and otherwise interesting installment of this trip report. Perhaps after dinner, or after work tomorrow...

[Gobbles!]

DAY 4:

At 2:30, we got a mysterious phone call. Apparently Mickey wanted us to get out of bed to help contain Stitch. Or something like that. I don’t know, because MataMata answered the phone, and didn’t really pay attention to the call at all. Poor mickey.

Anyway, we got up and, after kicking the invisible people out of our running gear, suited up for what was sure to be the most magical (if not the happiest) half marathon on the face of the USA (USA… aaah, can’t…stop….random…chanting…..). For those of you wondering why this wouldn’t be the happiest half marathon on the continent, I’ll explain: Disney World IS NOT the happiest place on earth. I guarantee it. So all those ‘happiest x’ or ‘happiest y’ things don’t apply. The happiest place is DisneyLAND. I know, because I’ve been there and felt it. The most MAGICAL place is Disney WORLD. That’s the difference. It has nothing to do with location, and everything to do with advertising slogans. So, now that that’s straightened out…

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[Gobbles!]

We left our cozy hotel room to venture into the dark, 40-something degree weather at about 3:00. Because we were staying at the OKW resort, our car was conveniently parked right in front of our door. What was NOT conveniently parked right in front of our door was an event bus. That was parked at the main office. The main office, for those of you who don’t know (I’m guessing that’s most), is nowhere near the hotel room we were staying in. So we had the brilliant idea to drive our conveniently located vehicle to the bus pickup area. Because we were some of the very few people who were up and trying to park at the main office, this was a smashing success.

It was at this point that we hatched a devious, and rather unimportant sounding plot: I was going to run the half marathon at my pace (faster than them), while Beavis and MataMata ran at their pace (slower than me). If all three of us stuck to our race strategies, that would give me plenty of time to get back to the resort, drive our car back to the room, shower, change clothes, eat a nice lunch, and wait for them to call me from the lobby when they got back to the hotel. Once I got the call, I would drive back to the Main office area to pick Beavis and MataMata up. Brilliant plan. We were all very proud of it.

[Gobbles!]

For those of you planning to do either the half or full marathon at Disney World (and I highly recommend that EVERYONE do it at least once), there are a few things ‘they’ tell you about the way things are that are very not right. Of course, by ‘they’ I am referring to your conceived notion of what will happen. For example, if you decide to run a Disney marathon event you are probably NOT imagining having to get on a bus at 3am for a 6am race. Now, one of the things that they don’t tell you is that when the bus takes you to the start at Epcot, it is really taking you to the Epcot parking lot and dropping you off about 600 yards from the festivity area. Further, the festivity area is about a mile (give or take) from the start line corrals.

When we showed up on the morning of the half marathon, this is how we did it:
We got off the bus and walked the distance to the festivity area. It was at about this point that the 40 degree weather made itself noticeable. As Beavis and I normally do, we set up a post near the bag check area (for those of you who don’t know, each runner is given a clear plastic bag that they can check – at the bag check area - for the race, so that they don’t have to carry their keys, heavy coats, phones, and whatnot). That way we are close to the STAGING area without being isolated in the STAGING area. Now, you are probably wondering what area we were in if we weren’t in the staging area. That was the PRE staging area. The PRE staging area is where a live band performs, and tries to get everyone all pumped up for the race. This year, the ‘80’s Refugees came all the way from California. The drummer was the ‘Karate Kid’. The bassist was Devo 2.0. The lead singer was Nigel Naughty. No, I did not make that up. We sat around and stretched and stared into space for about an hour, until we were told to go to the STAGING area at 4:00.

The STAGING area is pretty much a giant area enclosed with porta-potties. A LOT of them. Oddly enough, there is no stage in the STAGING area. Once we got there, we sat around for a while and stared into space for a while.

Because I was planning to run the half marathon at a faster pace than Beavis and MataMata, I was in a different start corral. At about 4:30, they called my corral up, and I headed out to the start line area. I think Beavis and MataMata left for their area at about 5:00. During my walk to the start line, I realized that there is a good reason people don’t wear shorts and short sleeved shirts in 40 degree weather. It’s pretty cold, even with a giant trash bag poncho. Anyway, I walked with the mass of people to the start line area. From my starting corral towards the front, I could barely make out the start line banner. There are A LOT of people who come to this event. I struck up some conversations while waiting for the race to start, and watched music videos and stuff. About ten minutes out, the national anthem was performed, the race crew talked about how awesome the race was, and then the wheelchair race was started. And then we did a big countdown to the start of the running portion. TEN…NINE….EIGHT….SEVEN…SIX…FIVE…FOUR…THREE...TWO…O NE…Happy New Year!!! You get the idea. There was a flurry of fireworks, and everybody lurched forward in unison…and then immediately stopped and stood still. Another thing ‘they’ never mention is that at a major marathon like those at Disney, if you’re not in the very front you will not cross the start line for at least a minute. The momentum slowly builds up, as more people move forward. As you get closer to the start the pace gets faster, little by little, until you hit the start line and take off.

So began my exciting and exhilarating half marathon experience. To keep this topic on the shorter side for those who really just want to hear about the TRIP instead of the RACE, I’ll stick to the high points:

[Gobbles!]

The course essentially runs what we like to call an ‘out and back’. For you purists out there, that’s not true, but it’s pretty close. Starting just outside Epcot, runners go to the Magic Kingdom by way of the Contemporary Resort. This gives runners a little bit of a view behind the scenes at the park. Once runners get to the Magic Kingdom, they run up Main Street USA and take a turn into Tomorrowland. This leads to Fanasyland, where we get to run through the castle in a major photo-op (there are photographers around on the course to take such cool pictures, and they post them online where we can see them and buy any that we want). After we run out of the castle, we take a hard right to go through Liberty Square, and leave the park by Splash Mountain (which is always closed during the marathon for seasonal renovation). Once we leave the park, we run straight back to Epcot, do a quick run into and back out of it, and cross the finish line in the parking lot. It’s a pretty flat course, with the biggest ‘hill’ coming after you complete the underwater running portion (where you run under the seven seas lagoon – bay lake connector) on the way to the Contemporary. It’s called ‘Contemporary Hill’ by many. The other ‘hills’ consist of on-ramps and bridges. Altogether, it’s a pretty good course. And about the time I finished, the sun was just thinking about coming up.

Of my particular race notes, I don’t have a whole lot to say. I went out too fast and got tired by the end. I missed my best time by about 5 minutes. Not too good, but not too bad either.

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One reason Beavis and MataMata decided to take the slower route in the half marathon was their plot to take pictures along the way. For the half marathon, Pooh, Tigger, Alice and company, Cinderella and company, and a few others were out to cheer the runners on and give photo ops. Beavis and MataMata stopped for some of their favorite characters. I thought the coolest photo op they had was with the railroad engineers at the park exit because, as you may recall, MataMata works for a railroad logistics company. And I’m and engineer and like to hear about people being engineers (even if they’re not the same kind of engineer I am). While they were posing for the picture, MataMata told the fine railroad workers that SHE worked for the railroad. They gave a laugh and said, “We don’t.” Also, on the way out of the Magic Kingdom Captain Jack Sparrow was spotted. A runner passing by commented and pointed him out as Johnny Depp. Captain Sparrow then looked very confused, and said, “Who’s Jonnie?” I guess it was an honest mistake. If Johnny Depp isn’t holding a candy bar and wearing purple, I can hardly tell the difference.

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So, part one of our brilliant plan had come to pass: I had finished before Beavis and MataMata. I picked up my checked bag before heading to the busses, riding back to the hotel, and driving my car back to the room. Once there I got showered and changed, and waited for the call. Then, after a while I decided I would sneak back and surprise them when they got back to the hotel by already being there with the car. I’m super cool like that, and so I drove back over to the main area, found a good spot to watch from and waited for them to come back from the race. The time was about 9:45am.


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It was about 11:40 and I was starting to get worried: did something go wrong? We hadn’t planned for emergencies, and I had left my cell phone back at the hotel room to charge. Neither Beavis nor MataMata had a cell phone to call me with anyway, so that wouldn’t be very helpful. I talked to the nice lady in charge of the race busses, and she said she’d keep a lookout for anyone matching their descriptions. Meanwhile, I headed back to the room to see if they had slipped through the cracks.

As it turns out, slip through the cracks is exactly what they did. They got off the bus at about 9:45am. That was exactly the time I got in the car. We had just missed each other, and so robbed ourselves of about 2 hours of park time. Don’t worry Beavis and MataMata, I’m not mad at you. Of course, they were pretty mad at me. But that’s a different story.