Things That Make You Go Hmmmmmmm

[2goofycampers]

WHY I LOVE MOM
Mom and Dad were watching TV when Mom said, 'I'm tired, and it's getting late. I think I'll go to bed'

She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day's lunches.
Rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of the freezer for supper the following evening, checked the cereal box levels, filled the sugar container, put spoons and bowls on the table and started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning.
She then put some wet clothes in the dryer, put a load of clothes into the washer, ironed a shirt and secured a loose button.
She picked up the game pieces left on the table, put the phone back on the charger and put the telephone book into the drawer.
She watered the plants, emptied a wastebasket and hung up a towel to dry.

She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom. She stopped by the desk and wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash for the field trip, and pulled a text book out from hiding under the chair.

She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the envelope and wrote a quick note for the grocery store. She put both near her purse. Mom then washed her face brushed and flossed her teeth and filed her nails.

Dad called out, 'I thought you were going to bed.'

'I'm on my way,' she said.

She put some water into the dog's dish and put the cat outside, then made sure the doors were locked and the patio light was on.

She looked in on each of the kids and turned out their bedside lamps and TV's, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks into the hamper, and had a brief conversation with the one up still doing homework. She set the alarm; laid out clothing for the next day, straightened up the shoe rack. She said her prayers, and visualized the accomplishment of her goals.

About that time, Dad turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular. 'I'm going to bed.'

And he did...without another thought.

Anything extraordinary here? Wonder why women live longer...?

CAUSE WE ARE MADE FOR THE LONG HAUL..... (and we can't die sooner, we still have things to do!!!!)



THEN, GO TO BED!

[2goofycampers]

This lady has changed her habit of how she lists her names on her mobile
phone after her handbag was stolen. Her handbag, which contained her cell
phone, credit card, wallet... etc...was stolen. 20 minutes later when she
called her hubby, from a pay phone telling him what had happened, hubby
says 'I received your text asking about our Pin number and I replied a
little while ago.'



When they rushed down to the bank, the bank staff told them all the money
was already withdrawn. The thief had actually used the stolen cell phone
to text 'hubby' in the contact list and got hold of the pin number. Within
20 minutes he had withdrawn all the money from their bank account.



Moral of the lesson: Do not disclose the relationship between you and the
people in your contact list. Avoid using names like Home, Honey, Hubby,
Sweetheart, Dad , Mom, etc..... And very importantly, when sensitive info
is being asked through texts, CONFIRM by calling back!!



Also, when you're being text by friends or family to meet them somewhere,
be sure to call back to confirm that the message came from the m. If you
don't reach them, be very careful about going places to meet 'family and
friends' who text you.



Along with that if you have an entry called 'Home' with your actual home
phone number it's not too hard to do a reverse lookup on the number to
find the address. now the robber has your home number, keys, AND address.

[vick]

This lady has changed her habit of how she lists her names on her mobile
phone after her handbag was stolen. Her handbag, which contained her cell
phone, credit card, wallet... etc...was stolen. 20 minutes later when she
called her hubby, from a pay phone telling him what had happened, hubby
says 'I received your text asking about our Pin number and I replied a
little while ago.'



When they rushed down to the bank, the bank staff told them all the money
was already withdrawn. The thief had actually used the stolen cell phone
to text 'hubby' in the contact list and got hold of the pin number. Within
20 minutes he had withdrawn all the money from their bank account.



Moral of the lesson: Do not disclose the relationship between you and the
people in your contact list. Avoid using names like Home, Honey, Hubby,
Sweetheart, Dad , Mom, etc..... And very importantly, when sensitive info
is being asked through texts, CONFIRM by calling back!!



Also, when you're being text by friends or family to meet them somewhere,
be sure to call back to confirm that the message came from the m. If you
don't reach them, be very careful about going places to meet 'family and
friends' who text you.



Along with that if you have an entry called 'Home' with your actual home
phone number it's not too hard to do a reverse lookup on the number to
find the address. now the robber has your home number, keys, AND address.

Wow. That's scary.

[2goofycampers]

Yes it's that magical time of year again when
the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.


1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a
hold-up in Long Beach , California , would-be robber James Elliot did something
that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger
again. This time it worked.

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a
finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted
a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one
of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a
finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear
a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to
find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar,
a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be
transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting
there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital,
telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre
fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital
recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked
how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to
see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and
asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun
and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided.
The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the
counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If someone
points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty
badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store
window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it
over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be
thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made
of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York
convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911
immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the
snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in
the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car
and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes,
officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that
a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan , at 5 A.M., flashed a
gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't
open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings,
the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated,
walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from
a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained
for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a
motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted
to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's
sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges
saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

In the interest of bettering mankind, please
share these with friends and family... unless of course one of these individuals
by chance is a distant relative or long-lost friend. In that case, be glad they
are distant and hope they remain lost.

*** Remember... They walk among us

[Tigger1966]

Did anyone read the new one SWATTING? Where they call in a fake 911 call from a internet phone service so there is no number and they give your address. There are also companies that for a small fee will pot what ever call back number you request for your phone.

[Tigger1966]

Did anyone read the new one SWATTING? Where they call in a fake 911 call from a internet phone service so there is no number and they give your address. There are also companies that for a small fee will pot what ever call back number you request for your phone.
http://tech.yahoo.com/news/ap/20090201/ap_on_hi_te/tec911_swatting

[Born 2 Fish]

I put this here for Deb.

Ya know...in all the years I've been going to FtW, I have never seen a raccoon. I've seen:

Roosters
Peacocks
Armadillos
Turkeys (both free ranging and wild in a bottle)
Bobcats
Deer
Lots & lots of rabbits
Even more squirrels
Owls
Hawks
Blue Jays
Cardinals
Red Headed Woodpeckers
Egrets
Herons
Ducks
Snakes
Ants
Mosquitos
Gnats
Sand Fleas
Vast numbers of campers drinking beer & driving golf carts
Otters
Gators (both in the water & the hopeless ones wandering around in t-shirts embellished with some cartoon character named Al)

But I cannot remember a single raccoon! Now that is something that makes me go Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

by des1954

[Born 2 Fish]

Groundhog day.
Hmmmmmmm, is that a day set aside for sausage ?:confused3

[BigDaddyRog]

Ive had my share of ground hog today...extra spicey cajun sausage patty sandwich for B'fast.....MmmMMmm Belch

[2goofycampers]

received this email yesterday:
>>
>> 'WARNING FROM POLICE
>>
>> THIS APPLIES TO BOTH WOMEN AND MEN
>>
>> BEWARE OF PAPER ON THE BACK WINDOW OF YOUR VEHICLE--
> >
>> NEW WAY TO DO CARJACKINGS (NOT A JOKE)'
>>
>> Heads up everyone! Please, keep this circulating ....
>>
>> You walk across the parking lot,
>>
>> unlock your car and get inside.
>>
>> You start the engine and shift into Reverse.
>>
>> When you look into the rearview mirror to back out of your
>>
>> parking space, you notice a piece of paper stuck to the middle
>>
>> of the rear window.
>>
>> So, you shift into Park, unlock your doors,
>>
>> and jump out of your car to remove that paper
>>
>> (or whatever it is) that is obstructing your view.
>>
>> When you reach the back of your car,
>>
>> that is when the carjackers appear out
>>
>> of nowhere, jump int o your car and take off.
>>
>> They practically mow you do wn as they speed off in your car.
>>
>> And guess what, ladies?
>>
>> I bet your purse is still in the car.
>>
>> So now the carjacker has your car, your home address, your
>>
>> money, and your keys.
>>
>> Your home and your whole identity are now compromised!
>>
>> BEWARE OF THIS NEW SCHEME THAT IS NOW BEING USED.
>>
>> If you see a piece of paper stuck to your back window,
>>
>> just drive away.
>>
>> Remove the paper later.
>>
>> And be thankful that you read this e-mail.
>>
>> I hope you will forward this to friends and family,
>>
>> especially to women.
>>
>> A purse contains all kinds of personal information
>>
>> and identification documents, and you certainly
>>
>> do NOT want this to fall into the wr ong hands..
>>
>> Please keep this going
>>
>> and tell all your friends ...............
>
>

[2goofycampers]

Subject: Cake Mixes = Toxin (IMPORTANT INFO)


A student at HBHS (high school) had pancakes this week and it almost became fatal. His Mom (registered nurse) made him pancakes, dropped him off at school and headed to play tennis. She never takes her cell phone on the court but did this time and her son called to say he was having trouble breathing. She told him to go to the nurse immediately and proceeded to call school and alert the nurse. The nurse called the paramedics and they were there in 3 minutes and worked on the boy all the way to the hospital. He came so close to dying. Evidently this is more common then I ever knew. Check the expiration dates on packages like pancakes and cake mixes that have yeast which over time develop spores. Apparently, the mold that forms in old mixes can be toxic! Throw away ALL OUTDATED pancake mix, Bisquick, brownie mixes etc you have in your home.

You can check this website....... http://www.snopes.com/medical/toxins/pancake.asp <http://www.snopes.com/medical/toxins/pancake.asp>

P. S. You might want to tell this to your children, grandchildren, nephews, nieces and anyone else who keeps these types of mixes in the cupboard.

[ntsammy5]

It's no wonder I don't like pancakes.

[2goofycampers]

Don't think that what you are doing doesn't matter..









The Cab Ride


So I walked to the
door and knocked. 'Just a minute', answered a frail,
elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across
the floor.






After a long
pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90's stood
before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat
with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940s movie.






By her side was a
small nylon suitcase.. The apartment looked as if no one
had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.






There were no
clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the
counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with
photos and glassware.






Would you carry my
bag out to the car?' she said. I took the suitcase to the
cab, then returned to assist the woman.






She took my arm
and we walked slowly toward the curb.





She kept thanking
me for my kindness. 'It's nothing', I told her. 'I just
try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated'.




'Oh, you're such a
good boy', she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me
an address, and then asked, 'Could you drive through
downtown?'






'It's not the
shortest way,' I answered quickly.






'Oh, I don't
mind,' she said. "I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice".





I looked in the
rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. 'I don't have
any family left,' she continued. 'The doctor says I don't
have very long.' I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.






'What route would
you like me to take?' I asked.






For the next two
hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the
building where she had once worked as an
elevator operator.






We drove through
the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when
they were newlyweds. She had me pull up in front of a
furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where
she had gone dancing as a girl.




Sometimes she'd
ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner
and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.




As the first hint
of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, 'I'm
tired. Let's go now'







We drove in
silence to the address she had given me.It was a low
building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway
that passed under a portico.






Two orderlies came
out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were
solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must
have been expecting her.







I opened the trunk
and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was
already seated in a wheelchair.






'How much do I owe
you?' she asked, reaching into her purse.






'Nothing,'
I said







'You have to make
a living,' she answered.






'There are other
passengers,' I responded.





Almost without
thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.







'You gave an old
woman a little moment of joy,' she said.







' Thank You.'




I squeezed her
hand, and then walked into the dim morning light. Behind
me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.





I didn't pick up
any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in
thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk.
What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who
was impatient to end his shift?





What if I had
refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?






On a quick review,
I don't think that I have done anything more important in
my life.






We're conditioned
to think that our lives revolve around great moments.





But great moments
often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others
may consider a small one.



PEOPLE MAY NOT
REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID, OR WHAT YOU SAID, ~BUT~THEY
WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL.














Life may not be the
party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well
dance.

[vick]

That's beautiful denise!

[Just Beachy]

That really puts things into perspective. Thank you for sharing that. :hug:

[Born 2 Fish]

Don't think that what you are doing doesn't matter..









The Cab Ride


So I walked to the
door and knocked. 'Just a minute', answered a frail,
elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across
the floor.






After a long
pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90's stood
before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat
with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940s movie.






By her side was a
small nylon suitcase.. The apartment looked as if no one
had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.






There were no
clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the
counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with
photos and glassware.






Would you carry my
bag out to the car?' she said. I took the suitcase to the
cab, then returned to assist the woman.






She took my arm
and we walked slowly toward the curb.





She kept thanking
me for my kindness. 'It's nothing', I told her. 'I just
try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated'.




'Oh, you're such a
good boy', she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me
an address, and then asked, 'Could you drive through
downtown?'






'It's not the
shortest way,' I answered quickly.






'Oh, I don't
mind,' she said. "I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice".





I looked in the
rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. 'I don't have
any family left,' she continued. 'The doctor says I don't
have very long.' I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.






'What route would
you like me to take?' I asked.






For the next two
hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the
building where she had once worked as an
elevator operator.






We drove through
the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when
they were newlyweds. She had me pull up in front of a
furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where
she had gone dancing as a girl.




Sometimes she'd
ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner
and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.




As the first hint
of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, 'I'm
tired. Let's go now'







We drove in
silence to the address she had given me.It was a low
building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway
that passed under a portico.






Two orderlies came
out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were
solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must
have been expecting her.







I opened the trunk
and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was
already seated in a wheelchair.






'How much do I owe
you?' she asked, reaching into her purse.






'Nothing,'
I said







'You have to make
a living,' she answered.






'There are other
passengers,' I responded.





Almost without
thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.







'You gave an old
woman a little moment of joy,' she said.







' Thank You.'




I squeezed her
hand, and then walked into the dim morning light. Behind
me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.





I didn't pick up
any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in
thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk.
What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who
was impatient to end his shift?





What if I had
refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?






On a quick review,
I don't think that I have done anything more important in
my life.






We're conditioned
to think that our lives revolve around great moments.





But great moments
often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others
may consider a small one.



PEOPLE MAY NOT
REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID, OR WHAT YOU SAID, ~BUT~THEY
WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL.














Life may not be the
party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well
dance.

I love you.

[ntsammy5]

http://smilies.vidahost.com/cwm/3dlil/cry.gif

[vick]

I love you.

That is so sweet Frank! :hug:

[2goofycampers]

That is so sweet Frank! :hug:

Hope he don't think that was me driving the cab. :confused3

[vick]

Hope he don't think that was me driving the cab. :confused3

He just loves you and is proud for us to know. :thumbsup2

[hopeisb4u]

oh my goodness....okay...

so i made you snort coke zero....but you totally made me cry like a little baby!! worse....you made me ugly cry

either way...we both made stuff come from eachother's nose!!

thats gross...but funny!!!


i'm so taking my grandma for a long car ride this weekend!:lovestruc

[Flametamr]

I figured the old woman had escaped from the nursing home and she was a cleptomaniac. I was expecting the orderlies to tell the guy to take all the stolen stuff in the suitcase back where he had picked her up. Glad it turned out to be a nice story.

[fldisneyfamily]

I'm gonna give my grandma a long phone call today!!:guilty:

[BRDof3]

I love you.

So do the rest of us, Frank! :lovestruc

[2goofycampers]

I figured the old woman had escaped from the nursing home and she was a cleptomaniac. I was expecting the orderlies to tell the guy to take all the stolen stuff in the suitcase back where he had picked her up. Glad it turned out to be a nice story.

That would be the version for the joke thread. :lmao:

[2goofycampers]

Was this something we were supposed to learn from our Mom's?????
I can't believe it's been there all this time.

I had to go into the kitchen and check this out for myself.
Whoever looks at the end of your aluminum foil box?
You know whe n you try to pull some foil out and the roll comes out of the box.
Then you have to put the roll back in the box and start over.
The darn roll always comes out at the wrong time.
Well, I would like to share this with you.
Yesterday I went to throw out an empty Reynolds foil box and for some reason I turned it,
and looked at the end of the box. And written on the end it said, Press here to lock end. Right there on the end of the box is a tab to lock the roll in place.
How long has this little locking tab been there?
I then looked at a generic brand of aluminum foil and it had one, too.
I then looked at a box of Saran wrap and it had one too!
I can't count the number of times the Saran wrap roll has jumped out,
when I was trying to cover something up.
I'm sharing this with my friends.
I hope I'm not the only person that didn't know about this.

I know you're going to go and check your boxes, so go ahead!

[2goofycampers]

Try this, it's fun.


http://www.humorsphere.com/fun/8787/colortest.swf

[des1954]

Was this something we were supposed to learn from our Mom's?????
I can't believe it's been there all this time.

I had to go into the kitchen and check this out for myself.
Whoever looks at the end of your aluminum foil box?
You know whe n you try to pull some foil out and the roll comes out of the box.
Then you have to put the roll back in the box and start over.
The darn roll always comes out at the wrong time.
Well, I would like to share this with you.
Yesterday I went to throw out an empty Reynolds foil box and for some reason I turned it,
and looked at the end of the box. And written on the end it said, Press here to lock end. Right there on the end of the box is a tab to lock the roll in place.
How long has this little locking tab been there?
I then looked at a generic brand of aluminum foil and it had one, too.
I then looked at a box of Saran wrap and it had one too!
I can't count the number of times the Saran wrap roll has jumped out,
when I was trying to cover something up.
I'm sharing this with my friends.
I hope I'm not the only person that didn't know about this.

I know you're going to go and check your boxes, so go ahead!

I'm sorry to tell you this....but those convenient little tabs have been there for a long, long time. :cutie:

[Born 2 Fish]

Exactly ! In my 50 years and all the restaurant work I've done,, I NEVER KNEW THAT !!!:lmao:



In my mothers 70 years, I don't think she ever knew that !:lmao:

[2goofycampers]

It's time again for the annual 'Stella Awards'! For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico where she purchased the coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving.

Here are the Stella's for the past year:


7TH PLACE :

Kathleen Robertson of Austin , Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her
peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running
inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by
the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.


6TH PLACE :

Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles , California won $74,000 plus medical
expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman
apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he
was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.


5TH PLACE :

Terrence Dickson, of Bristol , Pennsylvania , who was leaving a house he
had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the
automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage
door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door
connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut.
Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT, days on a case of Pepsi and a
large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company
claiming undue mental anguish.

Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000
for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish.

Keep scratching. There are more...


4TH PLACE :

Jerry Williams, of Little Rock , Arkansas , garnered
4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical
expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even
though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did
not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might
have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had
climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a
pellet gun.

Grrrrr. Scratch, scratch.


3RD PLACE :

Amber Carson of Lancaster , Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a
Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled
soft drink and broke her tailbone The reason the soft drink was on the
floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during
an argument.

Whatever happened to people being responsible for their own actions?

Scratch, scratch, scratch. Hang in there; there are only two more Stellas
to go...


2ND PLACE :

Kara Walton, of Claymont , Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a
nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor,
knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to
sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover
charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000....oh, yeah,
plus dental expenses. Go figure.


1ST PLACE : (May I have a fanfare played on 50 kazoos please)

This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was Mrs. Merv
Grazinski, of Oklahoma City , Oklahoma , who purchased a new 32-foot
Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game,
having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and
calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make
herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway,
crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued
Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't
actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma
jury awarded her, are you sitting down, $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home..
Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in
case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.

Are we, as a society, getting more stupid...? Ya think??!!

More than a few of our judge's elevators don't go to the top floor
either!

[2goofycampers]

From an e-mail I got. Not my idea.

I love this plan!

This was an article from the St. Petersburg Times Newspaper on Sunday. The Business Section asked readers for ideas on "How Would You Fix the Economy?"

I thought this was the BEST idea. I think this guy nailed it!





Patriotic retirement:

There's about 40 million people over 50 in the work force; pay them $1 million apiece severance with three stipulations:

1) They leave their jobs.. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.

2) They buy NEW American cars. Forty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed.

3) They either buy a house

or pay off their mortgage- Housing Crisis fixed.

All National financial problems fixed!!!

[ntsammy5]

That would cost $40 Trillion or almost three times the US GDP.

Works for me! :thumbsup2

[AuburnJen92]

This was made by a 15 year old girl...(girls, get the tissues)

http://www.youtube.com/swf/l.swf?swf=http%3A//s.ytimg.com/yt/swf/cps-vfl87635.swf&video_id=ervaMPt4Ha0&rel=1&eurl=&iurl=http%3A//i2.ytimg.com/vi/ervaMPt4Ha0/hqdefault.jpg&sk=pHnLgTWkayNA7VuwNtAgvF2pNvuHBC-7C&autoplay=1&cr=US&avg_rating=4.64058668807&length_seconds=323&allow_ratings=1&title=Remember%20Me_/

[auntie]

That 15 year old is older than her years would have you believe.

[des1954]

From an e-mail I got. Not my idea.

I love this plan!

This was an article from the St. Petersburg Times Newspaper on Sunday. The Business Section asked readers for ideas on "How Would You Fix the Economy?"

I thought this was the BEST idea. I think this guy nailed it!





Patriotic retirement:

There's about 40 million people over 50 in the work force; pay them $1 million apiece severance with three stipulations:

1) They leave their jobs.. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.

2) They buy NEW American cars. Forty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed.

3) They either buy a house

or pay off their mortgage- Housing Crisis fixed.

All National financial problems fixed!!!

I like this idea. The only catch would be getting people to bank or invest the remainder of the money to live off of. No job usually = no continual income = the need for another job.

I've read of several lottery winners who, after a few years, file for bankruptcy due to inability to handle large sums of money.

Let me win the lotto & I'll give money management a damned good try!:thumbsup2

[2goofycampers]

http://***************************/article/1643500/woman_enters_zoo_habitat_gets_attacked.html



On GMA they said she wanted to go swimming.:scared:

[ntsammy5]

Yeah I saw that --- why did she jump in?

[2goofycampers]

Yeah I saw that --- why did she jump in?

They said she wanted to go swimming, I say because she's crazy.

[ntsammy5]

I say because she's crazy.

:thumbsup2

[Just Beachy]

I have to agree that she must have been mentally impaired

[auntie]

I heard she spent Easter with her sick parents so they wouldn't be alone, listening to her 11 year old nephew curse like he was a truck driver while his parents said nothing. (no offense to truck drivers..in fact, I'd venture to say they have better manners than to curse at the Easter dinner table in front of their grandmas:sad2:) Then she went home to spend some Easter time with her husband who was too sick to go out.. only to get a call from her brother, telling them they were going out of business in about three months.
So...the polar bear plunge thing :idea:..didn't seem like a bad idea..but hey...what do I know?....:rolleyes1

Family...dont ya just love em?....;)

[2goofycampers]

I heard she spent Easter with her sick parents so they wouldn't be alone, listening to her 11 year old nephew curse like he was a truck driver while his parents said nothing. (no offense to truck drivers..in fact, I'd venture to say they have better manners than to curse at the Easter dinner table in front of their grandmas:sad2:) Then she went home to spend some Easter time with her husband who was too sick to go out.. only to get a call from her brother, telling them they were going out of business in about three months.
So...the polar bear plunge thing :idea:..didn't seem like a bad idea..but hey...what do I know?....:rolleyes1

Family...dont ya just love em?....;)

Maybe she should take the family to the Zoo and push them in the polar bear exhibit. :rolleyes1

[auntie]

Maybe she should take the family to the Zoo and push them in the polar bear exhibit. :rolleyes1


I think you've got something there Denise...VERY good idea. ::yes::

Just remember...If you happen hear anything about families being thrown into polar bear pits..you didn't read about it here.:laughing:

[AuburnJen92]

I have to agree that she must have been mentally impaired

Yes, normal people don't want their butt bitten by a polar bear...much less their shoulder and back too! OMG!

[des1954]

http://www.disboards.com/image.php?u=120346&dateline=1239739598 (http://www.disboards.com/member.php?u=120346)

Hmmmmmm.....is that Al in the front with Jim guarding his flank??

That's one thing that makes me go "Hmmmmmm!" :lmao:

[ntsammy5]

Here's the full sized one - used to do this for a living, many moons ago.


http://www.specialoperations.com/Army/Rangers/ranger.jpg

Jim had better not shoot me in my flank!

[2goofycampers]

Here's the full sized one - used to do this for a living, many moons ago.


http://www.specialoperations.com/Army/Rangers/ranger.jpg

Jim had better not shoot me in my flank!

Makes stall #2 look good, high and dry.:thumbsup2

[2goofycampers]

http://247wallst.com/2009/04/15/twelve-major-brands-that-will-disappear/

I hope this doesn't happen.

[auntie]

Talk about things that make you go "hmmmm?"..:confused3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lc8_JK_zm8s&feature=related

[Born 2 Fish]

doughnuts,,,Mmmmmmmmm




oh wait , you said Hmmmmmmm,,never mind.:)

[PolynesianPixie]

?????? WTH? What was someone thiking?

[ftwildernessguy]

Here's the full sized one - used to do this for a living, many moons ago.


http://www.specialoperations.com/Army/Rangers/ranger.jpg

Jim had better not shoot me in my flank!

Ever see an exit wound from an m-16 round? Not a pretty sight. I would never shoot you in the flank.

[ntsammy5]

Yeah - leaves quite a hole, but sometimes I like making holes. A .50 makes a bigger hole though, if it leaves enough behind! :lmao:

[ftwildernessguy]

Course you were probably shot with an AK, which makes a different kind of hole.

[ntsammy5]

Course you were probably shot with an AK, which makes a different kind of hole.

Actually shrapnel and a 12.7mm (it went through lots of stuff before it got to me, otherwise i wouldn't be posting here now) it just kinda grazed my side.

[ftwildernessguy]

A .45 makes a real mess when somebody tries to finish themselves off but changes their mind at the last minute.

[2goofycampers]

5 Things You Never Knew Your Cell Phone Could Do

For all the folks with cell phones. (This should be printed and kept in your car, purse, wallet. Good information to have with you.)


There are a few things that can be done in times of grave
emergencies.
Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for survival. Check out the things that you can do with it:

FIRST
The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile&n bsp;is 112. If you find yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile network and there is an emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly, this number 112 can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. Try it out.

SECOND
Have you locked your keys in the car?
Does your car have remote keyless entry? This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their cell phone from your cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock
button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end.



Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other "remote" for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).

Editor's Note: It works fine! We tried it out and it unlocked our car over a cell phone!"

THIRD
Hidden Battery Power
Imagine your cell battery is very low. To activate, press the keys *3370#. Your cell phone will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you charge your cell phone next time.

FOURTH
How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone?
To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following digits on your phone: *#06#. A 15-digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe.

When your phone get stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either. If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones.


And Finally....

FIFTH
Free Directory Service for Cells
Cell phone companies are charging us $1.00 to $1.75 or more for 411 information calls when they don't have to. Most of us do not carry a telephone directory in our vehicle, which makes this situation even more of a problem. When you need to use the 411 information option, simply dial: (800) FREE411, or (800) 373-3411 without incurring any charge at all. Program this into your cell phone now.

[Tigger0624]

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.'

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
'You better pray that it will come out of the carpet.'

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!'

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
'Because I said so, that's why.'

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.'

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.'

7. My mother taught me IRONY
'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.'

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.'

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
'If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!'

13 My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'

14.My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
'Stop acting like your father!'

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world
who don't have wonderful parents like you do.'

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
'Just wait until we get home.'

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
'You are going to get it when you get home!'

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.'

19. My mother taught me ESP.
'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?'

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.'

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.'

22.My mother taught me GENETICS.
'You're just like your father.'

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?'

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'

25. And my favorite:






My mother taught me about JUSTICE
'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you

[Born 2 Fish]

Always store cans of baked beans upside down. When you open the top and tip out the contents, every single bean will shoot straight out without the need to spoon any out.






I just read this,,I hav'nt tried this,,but if you worked where we work, I'd believe just bout anything.

[auntie]

Always store cans of baked beans upside down. When you open the top and tip out the contents, every single bean will shoot straight out without the need to spoon any out.








I just read this,,I hav'nt tried this,,but if you worked where we work, I'd believe just bout anything.


:stir:Beans..:eek:


:scratchin Are you sure you posted this in the correct thread Frank? :confused3
Shouldn't it be in "Things that make you go :p".... Darn..couldn't find a fart smiley..:rolleyes2

:lmao:

[Born 2 Fish]

:stir:Beans..:eek:


:scratchin Are you sure you posted this in the correct thread Frank? :confused3
Shouldn't it be in "Things that make you go :p".... Darn..couldn't find a fart smiley..:rolleyes2

:lmao:

:crazy2:We can use this smiley as a Fort'n Smiley.




I most likely missed it(don't get to read as much anymore) but,
how did Bob's first day back on the job go ?

[auntie]

First day..wasn't so bad. Second day..business as usual. :headache: Let's just say working with family...NOT a good idea. Wish I could get this wand to turn back time :wizard:. He was busy as all get out..and a certain family member decided to come in late and leave early. Typical. pirate:
At least I've managed to stop him from opening at 6:30 in the morning..when no one shows up for work until 8:00.(or 9:30 for certain peoplei:rolleyes1) I literally won't let him leave the house before 7:00. (then he probably races in ...:sad2: Old habits are hard to break. Thanks for asking.

[kc5grw]

5 Things You Never Knew Your Cell Phone Could Do

For all the folks with cell phones. (This should be printed and kept in your car, purse, wallet. Good information to have with you.)


There are a few things that can be done in times of grave
emergencies.
Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for survival. Check out the things that you can do with it:

FIRST
The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile&n bsp;is 112. If you find yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile network and there is an emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly, this number 112 can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. Try it out.

SECOND
Have you locked your keys in the car?
Does your car have remote keyless entry? This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their cell phone from your cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock
button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end.



Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other "remote" for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).

Editor's Note: It works fine! We tried it out and it unlocked our car over a cell phone!"

THIRD
Hidden Battery Power
Imagine your cell battery is very low. To activate, press the keys *3370#. Your cell phone will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you charge your cell phone next time.

FOURTH
How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone?
To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following digits on your phone: *#06#. A 15-digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe.

When your phone get stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either. If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones.


And Finally....

FIFTH
Free Directory Service for Cells
Cell phone companies are charging us $1.00 to $1.75 or more for 411 information calls when they don't have to. Most of us do not carry a telephone directory in our vehicle, which makes this situation even more of a problem. When you need to use the 411 information option, simply dial: (800) FREE411, or (800) 373-3411 without incurring any charge at all. Program this into your cell phone now.

Nobody else has commented on this but this is of limited value. Items 1,3,4,5 will work, but not in every case. They work for some phones and some carriers but not all. Item 2 is completely bogus. It simply can't work. The audio portion of the phone (mic and speaker) are designed for just that, audio frequencies. All new RKE systems operate on RF frequencies, with some older ones (like our old 93 grand cherokee) being IR based. Yes, a phone is a RF transmitter and receiver, but it simply will not pick-up and retransmit RF. It just isn't possible for the mics and speakers in phones to operate at those frequencies.

Okay, I feel better now. :rotfl:

[Born 2 Fish]

First day..wasn't so bad. Second day..business as usual. :headache: Let's just say working with family...NOT a good idea. Wish I could get this wand to turn back time :wizard:. He was busy as all get out..and a certain family member decided to come in late and leave early. Typical. pirate:
At least I've managed to stop him from opening at 6:30 in the morning..when no one shows up for work until 8:00.(or 9:30 for certain peoplei:rolleyes1) I literally won't let him leave the house before 7:00. (then he probably races in ...:sad2: Old habits are hard to break. Thanks for asking.

Totally understand bout them old habits:rotfl:
He's just being a good man.

[ftwildernessguy]

Nobody else has commented on this but this is of limited value. Items 1,3,4,5 will work, but not in every case. They work for some phones and some carriers but not all. Item 2 is completely bogus. It simply can't work. The audio portion of the phone (mic and speaker) are designed for just that, audio frequencies. All new RKE systems operate on RF frequencies, with some older ones (like our old 93 grand cherokee) being IR based. Yes, a phone is a RF transmitter and receiver, but it simply will not pick-up and retransmit RF. It just isn't possible for the mics and speakers in phones to operate at those frequencies.

Okay, I feel better now. :rotfl:

The ham operator in you coming thru.

[kc5grw]

I guess so, or the engineer. Either way, there are so many things floating around on the internet that are just flat our wrong or of such limited value I gotta do my part to slow things down. These are like those chain mails you get that tell something really bad is going to happen if you don't send it to 10 of your friends in the next 10 minutes. Well, ain't seen anything bad happen to me yet. :lmao:

[Born 2 Fish]

Groundhog day.
Hmmm, is that a day set aside for sausage?

Mmmmm,,ground hog,,,I do love me some sausage.
Hey,,how come theres not a Chicken Day ?? Ain't nittn go better with ground hog than a chicken egg ,
,cept maybe fresh fish, :thumbsup2

[Born 2 Fish]

Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?

hmmmm :confused3

[ftwildernessguy]

Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?

hmmmm :confused3

Ya don't need bubble bath to make bubbles in the bath.

[AuburnJen92]

Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?

hmmmm :confused3

I could tell you, but then I would have to hurt ya!;)

[Born 2 Fish]

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?

Hmmmmm:confused3

[kampfirekim]

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?

Hmmmmm:confused3

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:GUILTY!!! Why do they have to put a tag on hair dryers telling you not to use in the bathtub? Hmmmm... :confused3