OT- "Meeting people online" experience needed!

[starrzone]

Hi all,

I thought this would be the best forum in which to ask this question, since from reading the posts here I gather that quite a few of us are single!

What is everyone's experience with meeting people online? (I hesitate to use the term "online dating" because there isn't any going on yet!) I just joined a site yesterday and I've gotten several of the "Want to chat?" e-mail types. I send back short, sort of vague replies with no personal info, just answering the questions that the guy asked and some general chitchat. I'm completely new at this sort of thing and I was wondering what others' experiences have been. Was it fun and a positive experience? Did you meet nice people? How long before you agreed to meet someone? Any really bad experiences? I know enough to be cautious about the whole thing but I want to be open and willing to try it out too!

:flower3: Thanks a bunch!

[katydidbug1]

Caution is always good, keep an open mind. I met my soon to be husband right here on the boards last January. We are getting married on Tuesday.

Hi all,

I thought this would be the best forum in which to ask this question, since from reading the posts here I gather that quite a few of us are single!

What is everyone's experience with meeting people online? (I hesitate to use the term "online dating" because there isn't any going on yet!) I just joined a site yesterday and I've gotten several of the "Want to chat?" e-mail types. I send back short, sort of vague replies with no personal info, just answering the questions that the guy asked and some general chitchat. I'm completely new at this sort of thing and I was wondering what others' experiences have been. Was it fun and a positive experience? Did you meet nice people? How long before you agreed to meet someone? Any really bad experiences? I know enough to be cautious about the whole thing but I want to be open and willing to try it out too!

:flower3: Thanks a bunch!

[MOREMICKEYFORME]

I am not a pro at this since I just started on this Singles thread. I would just suggest sticking to the email thing for awhile until you weed out the ones who you know are interested in things you are not. I would limit the people you give out phone numbers to people you feel you have gotten to know for awhile as those numbers can be traced to an address.
Just be careful, there are some freaks out there...but I have also met some GREAT people, too.
Good Luck.

[acm563]

My best advice is to make intelligent choices and think with your head and not your heart or your libido... I did the online dating thing when I got divorced and it definitly is not for me. I met over 80 different people and I can honestly say only 2 of them were bad experiences. Always make sure to plan a meeting in a very public place. Lunchtime meetings or a meet for a cup of coffee are a better way to start off instead of full blown evening dates. Make sure that you are a strong enough person that you will have the will power to cut the meeting short if it isnt what you want it to be. Make sure you always tell a close friend or someone where you are going and whom it is you plan to meet with every meeting. I used to even leave specifics on my desk at home, saying who it was, how I met them, the email addy I had for them, the phone number I had and their picture...just in case...:goodvibes There have been many people who met online and made a good connection... (actually, I met my husband thru an internet dating site, obviously we didnt work out but that had nothing to do with the fact that we met online) I have made many wonderful friends whom I still see and correspond with that I met from online dating. As with everything else, use common sense, if something doesnt feel right then dont do it, listen to your instinct. I have a myspace acct and last year this guy started talking with me, he had very few ppl on his myspace, we chatted for about 3 months, he claimed he was a police officer (and he may have really been one) but something just didnt feel right. When he asked me to meet him for dinner, I said OK but only if I can bring a friend with me....he found offence in that and I havent heard from him since but there is not a doubt in my mind something just wasnt quite right there, altho we had many nice conversations. If you use common sense , realize that the person behind the monitor or even the telephone may not be all that they portray themselves to be, then yes I think you can find success online...Just BE CAREFUL!

[nurse.darcy]

I met someone through an online dating site a while back. We talked a bit and then eventually met for drinks in a VERY public place. We both agreed that if there was any kind of chemistry we would eat dinner after, if not go our separate ways. He turned out to be a really nice guy and we have been friends - no it wasn't a love connection - but we are good friends. I think that caution as everyone else has said is good and don't be afraid to actually meet. Just choose meeting places carefully.

[starrzone]

Caution is always good, keep an open mind. I met my soon to be husband right here on the boards last January. We are getting married on Tuesday.

Awww, that's awesome! Congrats! See, that's why I'm doing this; you never know who you'll meet.

I would limit the people you give out phone numbers to people you feel you have gotten to know for awhile as those numbers can be traced to an address.
Just be careful, there are some freaks out there...but I have also met some GREAT people, too.
Good Luck.

Oh, I definitely plan on NOT giving out my number unless I really have a good feeling. Thanks for reminding me! I will be careful and I'll use my judgement to weed out the freaks (hopefully).

My best advice is to make intelligent choices and think with your head and not your heart or your libido... If you use common sense , realize that the person behind the monitor or even the telephone may not be all that they portray themselves to be, then yes I think you can find success online...Just BE CAREFUL!

This is perfect advice. Just today (less than 24 hours after I put up my profile), this 45-year old guy (I'm almost 27) started chatting with me. I chatted back because, quite honestly, if I had met this guy in a bar and he started talking to me, I wouldn't just turn around and walk away. That being said, he asked "So when can we meet?" and I told hime something like "Well, I'm not quite ready for anything yet, so wait a bit and if you're still interested then we might work something out". My head is telling me that there is NO WAY that I will ever do anything with this guy and, quite honestly, I hope I never hear from him again (he has 3 kids- 21, 16 and 6. I'm 27!!!). his situation is just not for me.

I met someone through an online dating site a while back. We talked a bit and then eventually met for drinks in a VERY public place. We both agreed that if there was any kind of chemistry we would eat dinner after, if not go our separate ways. He turned out to be a really nice guy and we have been friends - no it wasn't a love connection - but we are good friends. I think that caution as everyone else has said is good and don't be afraid to actually meet. Just choose meeting places carefully.

I like your approach. I think I'll use the chemistry thing as well because it give both parties an "out" and it's mutually agreed upon before the meeting. I'm glad there are lots of coffee places around here, and they're all usually pretty crowded so they're safe bets!

Thanks everyone for the advice! I think this is all info that could be pretty useful for anyone considering the online way of meeting people. :surfweb: I :lovestruc the DIS!

[Carrieannew]

You pretty much got all the great advice you need here from these wonderful ladies.

Like Angy said think with your head. Nothing is always how it appears. Expecially online. People can lie, that being said there are great people as well.

Ive met great people here on the dis boards. Heck I even shared a room with someone in May who I had never met in person. You can just get a feeling for someone. And I knew just from talking to him on the phone just a few short times that he was a good person.

I wish you luck. I wish I was the type of person who would put myself out there on a dating site. But I honestly do not handle the rejection well and could not take meeting 80 people to hope to find the one.

I suggest meeting early on. Only because the more you talk.. the more you can "feel" a connection.. that honestly could not really be there in person.

[acm563]

You pretty much got all the great advice you need here from these wonderful ladies.

Like Angy said think with your head. Nothing is always how it appears. Expecially online. People can lie, that being said there are great people as well.

Ive met great people here on the dis boards. Heck I even shared a room with someone in May who I had never met in person. You can just get a feeling for someone. And I knew just from talking to him on the phone just a few short times that he was a good person.

I wish you luck. I wish I was the type of person who would put myself out there on a dating site. But I honestly do not handle the rejection well and could not take meeting 80 people to hope to find the one.

I suggest meeting early on. Only because the more you talk.. the more you can "feel" a connection.. that honestly could not really be there in person.







:lmao: hey I just believe in getting the most for my money:lmao: If I am going to pay for a subscription I am definitely going to use it:rotfl2: :rotfl2:

[Carrieannew]

:lmao: hey I just beleive in getting the most for my money:lmao: If I am going to pay for a subscription I am definitely going to use it:rotfl2: :rotfl2:

I know I know

Just cant sit threw 80 coffees in hopes of a connection.

I'm sure you were reading my post thinking I need to take my own darn advice hehe

[acm563]

I know I know

Just cant sit threw 80 coffees in hopes of a connection.

I'm sure you were reading my post thinking I need to take my own darn advice hehe

Umm. no comment...........:rolleyes1

...and I dont sit through 80 meetings if they are boring me to death, I have no problem saying, hey this isnt what I am looking for it was nice meeting you , goodbye

[sand2270]

Like everyone else has said, just be careful. Meet in a neutral place, don't give out personal information until you are comfortable with someone. Another piece of advice (don't know if this was mentioned) is if you do meet someone maybe make sure someone knows where you are going and how you met the person.

Funny story...about 4 years ago I was doing eharmony and decided to meet someone for coffee. It was my first eharmony date and my friend Leslie was completely freaked out "you call me when you get there...and you call me after so I know you are safe...are you sure you should go alone?".

We had coffee, decided to get dinner, he walked me back to my car and that was it. Shortly after Leslie calls me, "Where are you?!". My response, "I am in the trunk of his car!!". She goes "WHAT!!!" and I quickly said "Leslie I am just kidding, don't you think he would have taken my phone before putting me in the trunk?".

Needless to say she didn't think it was very funny but I laughed the whole drive home.

[Carrieannew]

Like everyone else has said, just be careful. Meet in a neutral place, don't give out personal information until you are comfortable with someone. Another piece of advice (don't know if this was mentioned) is if you do meet someone maybe make sure someone knows where you are going and how you met the person.

Funny story...about 4 years ago I was doing eharmony and decided to meet someone for coffee. It was my first eharmony date and my friend Leslie was completely freaked out "you call me when you get there...and you call me after so I know you are safe...are you sure you should go alone?".

We had coffee, decided to get dinner, he walked me back to my car and that was it. Shortly after Leslie calls me, "Where are you?!". My response, "I am in the trunk of his car!!". She goes "WHAT!!!" and I quickly said "Leslie I am just kidding, don't you think he would have taken my phone before putting me in the trunk?".

Needless to say she didn't think it was very funny but I laughed the whole drive home.

Great story haha

I think we all have a friend like that.

My good friend thought for sure my May roomie was going to kill me. She made me call her daily from WDW. And my brother wanted to know if he owned a hatchett :lmao:

[sand2270]

Great story haha

I think we all have a friend like that.

My good friend thought for sure my May roomie was going to kill me. She made me call her daily from WDW. And my brother wanted to know if he owned a hatchett :lmao:

HAHA you guys are killing me today!

[Carrieannew]

HAHA you guys are killing me today!

:surfweb:

:banana:

:laughing:

:rolleyes1

[tsing]

You pretty much got all the great advice you need here from these wonderful ladies.

Like Angy said think with your head. Nothing is always how it appears. Expecially online. People can lie, that being said there are great people as well.

Ive met great people here on the dis boards. Heck I even shared a room with someone in May who I had never met in person. You can just get a feeling for someone. And I knew just from talking to him on the phone just a few short times that he was a good person.

I wish you luck. I wish I was the type of person who would put myself out there on a dating site. But I honestly do not handle the rejection well and could not take meeting 80 people to hope to find the one.

I suggest meeting early on. Only because the more you talk.. the more you can "feel" a connection.. that honestly could not really be there in person.






From a guy's perspective, I'd have problems with the on-line dating service. Like Carrieannew, I don't need the rejection (at least with the frequency it would probably come from a dating service). Seems to me, the Disboards are a good alternative. You make friends, and if something deeper comes from that, than that's great. If it doesn't, hopefully the friendship is still there.

Besides, if you decide that you want to meet someone in person, you can get past each other's dating/relationship disasters before you meet. You can also get to know a person a little bit before you meet, and maybe spot any "red flags" before you get too far along. If you think there is dishonesty, you can probably catch that too. Hopefully when you do meet, you'll already be friends. And you can have a more positive experience since the negatives are already out of the way.

[ttester9612]

Dotto on what everyone else has said.

There's a group of us from the DisBoards in the DC/MD/VA area that we try to meet for lunch at least once a month. This is one way of getting to know others that have the LOVE of Disney. It's safe and we have fun. You never know if from any of the DisMeets a love connection might blossom among us single folks. Our next Dismeet will be January 30th.

[Mrsduck101]

I met my boyfriend right here on the Dis and on the old Dismates chat. We talked for a few months and then met for the first time at WDW last May. It was very obvious when we met that we were meant to be :lovestruc

He ended up flying to Ohio (from MA) in both June and July and in August I flew out there and we loaded up a moving truck and drove back to Ohio.

It will be one year next month and we are beyond happy. Maybe we were just lucky, but it was one of those things - we knew right away there was something there.

[jadedbeauty14304]

Internet dating brings out all types. So, I wont repeat the "be careful" like everyone else, hopefully you know to take precautions by now... lol. Instead, I am going to tell you to "have fun" with it. Some of the people you meet will not be at all like the person you chatted with, some will be 20 years older than the pictures they have posted on their profile, and some will actually have the potential to make you fall in love with them! When I was younger, I used to have a date with a different guy every other night. I had a blast!!! I met my last true boyfriend on Match.com. We were just a great match and we both knew it by the end of our first date. I remember going home and making all of my dating profiles unsearchable...lol Thats how I knew I really liked him. We dated for a few years, lived together, and although things didn't work out, I was glad that I had used internet dating. I have never gone back to the "internet dating scene" although I have met people on the DIS and formed some great friendships. It is easy to fall head over heels for someone online. Relationships with these people don't always work out, but I guess it goes back to "'Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all"

So, have fun, meet people, and use your common sense about safety.
:goodvibes :hug:

[nurse.darcy]

Great story haha

I think we all have a friend like that.

My good friend thought for sure my May roomie was going to kill me. She made me call her daily from WDW. And my brother wanted to know if he owned a hatchett :lmao:

That is so funny. I had to call my best friend like three times after Leo, Tracy and Robin got there. My best friend thought I was nuts for sharing quarters with people I had never met. . .lol.

[nurse.darcy]

I met my boyfriend right here on the Dis and on the old Dismates chat. We talked for a few months and then met for the first time at WDW last May. It was very obvious when we met that we were meant to be :lovestruc

He ended up flying to Ohio (from MA) in both June and July and in August I flew out there and we loaded up a moving truck and drove back to Ohio.

It will be one year next month and we are beyond happy. Maybe we were just lucky, but it was one of those things - we knew right away there was something there.

Hello my friend, I miss you two. . .gotta talk story soon. . .will be near Cincinatti at the end of Jan. Wanna meet for Lunch or Drinks? I am sure I can talk Rob into it.

[nurse.darcy]

One more piece of advice. It is very easy to "fall in love" over conversation. When the relationship is long distance and all you have is conversation its easy to get caught up in the conversation and think that its the end all to be all for a relationship. Be aware of that and keep an open mind about it. It could be that the person is everything you ever wanted like Cait and Bob and Shawn and Jill, or it could end up that it was wrong from the very beginning but there was very good conversation. Make up your mind from the beginning that even if the conversation is wonderful you will wait till meeting before deciding if this is the love of your life. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't. If you are prepared emotionally, you can't get hurt.

By the way, meeting during a DISmeet is a lot of fun and takes the pressure off if there is no chemistry. Everyone is having fun and its easy to blend in with the meet crowd. . .

[Carrieannew]

Internet dating brings out all types. So, I wont repeat the "be careful" like everyone else, hopefully you know to take precautions by now... lol. Instead, I am going to tell you to "have fun" with it. Some of the people you meet will not be at all like the person you chatted with, some will be 20 years older than the pictures they have posted on their profile, and some will actually have the potential to make you fall in love with them! When I was younger, I used to have a date with a different guy every other night. I had a blast!!! I met my last true boyfriend on Match.com. We were just a great match and we both knew it by the end of our first date. I remember going home and making all of my dating profiles unsearchable...lol Thats how I knew I really liked him. We dated for a few years, lived together, and although things didn't work out, I was glad that I had used internet dating. I have never gone back to the "internet dating scene" although I have met people on the DIS and formed some great friendships. It is easy to fall head over heels for someone online. Relationships with these people don't always work out, but I guess it goes back to "'Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all"

So, have fun, meet people, and use your common sense about safety.
:goodvibes :hug:

Always fantastic with the words woman! I also agree on the its better to have loved and lost then never have loved at all.


One more piece of advice. It is very easy to "fall in love" over conversation. When the relationship is long distance and all you have is conversation its easy to get caught up in the conversation and think that its the end all to be all for a relationship. Be aware of that and keep an open mind about it. It could be that the person is everything you ever wanted like Cait and Bob and Shawn and Jill, or it could end up that it was wrong from the very beginning but there was very good conversation. Make up your mind from the beginning that even if the conversation is wonderful you will wait till meeting before deciding if this is the love of your life. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't. If you are prepared emotionally, you can't get hurt.

By the way, meeting during a DISmeet is a lot of fun and takes the pressure off if there is no chemistry. Everyone is having fun and its easy to blend in with the meet crowd. . .

Darcy rock on. Everyone deserves to be happy. I think that for people to have found such a connection and a love of disney... those people are truely lucky.

Just be prepared... no glove no love.. sorrry hahaha had to throw that in there

[nurse.darcy]

Always fantastic with the words woman! I also agree on the its better to have loved and lost then never have loved at all.




Darcy rock on. Everyone deserves to be happy. I think that for people to have found such a connection and a love of disney... those people are truely lucky.

Just be prepared... no glove no love.. sorrry hahaha had to throw that in there

Love ya girlfriend. . .

[Carrieannew]

Love ya girlfriend. . .

I must say.. your tickers make me jealous..

I only have one :sad2:

[acm563]

I must say.. your tickers make me jealous..

I only have one :sad2:

You may only have one ticker but we have many plans in the works so I am not feeling sorry for you....:lmao:

[tawasdave]

Ok..a couple other things from a guys perspective...

1) If you really want to have guys contact you, you must have a picture..I know, I know....but then he knows what I look like...well that is true...but I would tell you that guys pay no attention to a profile with no pic. And, in this day and age if someone has no pic they have something to hide (married or coyote ugly)...lol

2) Be careful giving out your name...AND home phone number...you may be amazed what a google search can find...and other people finders...next thing ya know they know your address. (type your name or phone number in a google search sometime...you may be surprised)

3) There is a truly free dating site called plentyoffish...but being free...there are alot of...how shall I say, less desireables...but hey its free...

4)Now I am positive that I will get burned by some of the ladies on here who know me...but, when I come across someone that I want to get to know better I use this thing I like to call the 10 question game...(corny I know)...you ask the person 10 questions...they answer..then you have to answer your own questions..then its their turn to do the same...I find it fun...and you learn alot about a person fast (especially a guy like me who hates talking on the phone)..its starts out easy (IE, favorite drink...who do miss the most...favorite season..etc) and they get more difficult and personal as time goes on. You learn if you are truly interested or um..more scared and say thanks but no thanks...

5)Have a friend call during the date on your cell..if everything is ok...you can say that..if not you can make up a thing like.."She fell?" Where?..is she hurt?...Oh I have to go..my mom is headed to the hospital"...lol...Really for us normal guys (easy Ang and Carrie) we do not mind and I have learned to expect it...no biggie...but just an out for you.

6)MAKE YOUR PROFILE TRUTHFUL!!! It amazes me that 80% of the women on dating sites love to camp, fish and hunt...love sports..love to cook...come on...in my 50 years I have met alot of ladies and can count on one hand any that truly liked doing those things...Now I am sure there are ladies that do like that...but not 80%...I know when I see that I tend to avoid those ladies. Oh and another one.." I am an attractive , sexy ..etc etc..."...let us be the judge of that...you telling us that actually tells us you are stuck up and to avoid at all cost!!!

Just be safe...have fun...

Ok ladies...Flame away...:snooty:

[sand2270]

Ok..a couple other things from a guys perspective...

1) If you really want to have guys contact you, you must have a picture..I know, I know....but then he knows what I look like...well that is true...but I would tell you that guys pay no attention to a profile with no pic. And, in this day and age if someone has no pic they have something to hide (married or coyote ugly)...lol

Ok ladies...Flame away...:snooty:

No flaming, just a comment. When I was doing eharmony I got matched with...count them...3 coworkers. It was embarrassing. As a result I hid my picture until I could confirm the match was not a coworker. As soon as I knew I would release my picture. As a result though some guys would immediately close the match because they couldn't see my picture. Basically I was not even given a chance.

I recently reinstated my membership. Not really sure why, I don't feel like dating...maybe boredom. Anyway, they added this feature now where you can send someone a nudge if their picture isn't posted. And still I am being closed immediately by some men because I don't make my photo available immediately. This makes no sense to me. If you want to see it just send me a nudge and I will release my pictures.

My feelings about this? Their loss...if all they are interested in is the picture than they really aren't worth my time. Also I feel like if they aren't smart enough to send me a nudge first than they are a dummy and I am not wasting my time. So what do I do to those guys? I go up, release my picture, and than finalize the match closure (you have the option of requesting the match be reopened which I don't do LOL). :laughing:

But Randy it is interesting to see a man's perspective on this.

[tawasdave]

No flaming, just a comment. When I was doing eharmony I got matched with...count them...3 coworkers. It was embarrassing. As a result I hid my picture until I could confirm the match was not a coworker. As soon as I knew I would release my picture. As a result though some guys would immediately close the match because they couldn't see my picture. Basically I was not even given a chance.

I recently reinstated my membership. Not really sure why, I don't feel like dating...maybe boredom. Anyway, they added this feature now where you can send someone a nudge if their picture isn't posted. And still I am being closed immediately by some men because I don't make my photo available immediately. This makes no sense to me. If you want to see it just send me a nudge and I will release my pictures.

My feelings about this? Their loss...if all they are interested in is the picture than they really aren't worth my time. Also I feel like if they aren't smart enough to send me a nudge first than they are a dummy and I am not wasting my time. So what do I do to those guys? I go up, release my picture, and than finalize the match closure (you have the option of requesting the match be reopened which I don't do LOL). :laughing:

But Randy it is interesting to see a man's perspective on this.

You have to realize that you are in "competition" with 100's of other ladies...many with pics...I do not even look at profiles without a pic quite honestly..do not even read them...have I passed over my princess by doing that? Probably...but thats just me...but I have talked to many guys who do the same thing...in fact almost all do...

[sand2270]

You have to realize that you are in "competition" with 100's of other ladies...many with pics...I do not even look at profiles without a pic quite honestly..do not even read them...have I passed over my princess by doing that? Probably...but thats just me...but I have talked to many guys who do the same thing...in fact almost all do...

and while I understand that...there are other reasons why people don't show their pictures. In my case it's not because I think I am ugly it's because I am trying to not be embarrassed by getting matched with people I work with. It just seems like the service, in this case eharmony, has something in place to help with that. If a man can't take two seconds to send me a nudge than I stand by what I said...not worth my time.

But again...interesting to see a man's perspective on this. :)

[sand2270]

...and...I never close someone just because I can't see their picture...:)

[acm563]

Ok..a couple other things from a guys perspective...

1) If you really want to have guys contact you, you must have a picture..I know, I know....but then he knows what I look like...well that is true...but I would tell you that guys pay no attention to a profile with no pic. And, in this day and age if someone has no pic they have something to hide (married or coyote ugly)...lol

2) Be careful giving out your name...AND home phone number...you may be amazed what a google search can find...and other people finders...next thing ya know they know your address. (type your name or phone number in a google search sometime...you may be surprised)

3) There is a truly free dating site called plentyoffish...but being free...there are alot of...how shall I say, less desireables...but hey its free...

4)Now I am positive that I will get burned by some of the ladies on here who know me...but, when I come across someone that I want to get to know better I use this thing I like to call the 10 question game...(corny I know)...you ask the person 10 questions...they answer..then you have to answer your own questions..then its their turn to do the same...I find it fun...and you learn alot about a person fast (especially a guy like me who hates talking on the phone)..its starts out easy (IE, favorite drink...who do miss the most...favorite season..etc) and they get more difficult and personal as time goes on. You learn if you are truly interested or um..more scared and say thanks but no thanks...

5)Have a friend call during the date on your cell..if everything is ok...you can say that..if not you can make up a thing like.."She fell?" Where?..is she hurt?...Oh I have to go..my mom is headed to the hospital"...lol...Really for us normal guys (easy Ang and Carrie) we do not mind and I have learned to expect it...no biggie...but just an out for you.

6)MAKE YOUR PROFILE TRUTHFUL!!! It amazes me that 80% of the women on dating sites love to camp, fish and hunt...love sports..love to cook...come on...in my 50 years I have met alot of ladies and can count on one hand any that truly liked doing those things...Now I am sure there are ladies that do like that...but not 80%...I know when I see that I tend to avoid those ladies. Oh and another one.." I am an attractive , sexy ..etc etc..."...let us be the judge of that...you telling us that actually tells us you are stuck up and to avoid at all cost!!!
Just be safe...have fun...

Ok ladies...Flame away...:snooty:

:lmao: I am not going to "flame" away as the poster wasnt asking specifically about YOU:lmao: but I will add to your #6 that about 80% of what you read on a guys profile is not truthful either, right down to what he is looking for. It is amazing how many men say they are looking for "serious relationships" when they dont mean that at all.... As with what everyone has been saying, use some common sense, and I especially agree with Darcy in that you can talk to someone for 3 months on the phone and think you have a connection and then you meet them and realize it's just not there. Personally, I wouldnt waste 3 months of my time anymore without meeting the person, if you are talking consistently and it feels right then go for after 3 or 4 weeks but make it a PUBLIC place. (and yes I have had the friend call me deal, but let's face it everyone knows what that is about so I honestly have just gotten to the point that if its not working, I say it, its no different than leaving the guy after a phone call that he knows was a fake anyway...;) ) The best rule will always be use some common sense and don't RUSH into anything, be realistic...........

[tawasdave]

:lmao: I am not going to "flame" away as the poster wasnt asking specifically about YOU:lmao: but I will add to your #6 that about 80% of what you read on a guys profile is not truthful either, right down to what he is looking for. It is amazing how many men say they are looking for "serious relationships" when they dont mean that at all.... As with what everyone has been saying, use some common sense, and I especially agree with Darcy in that you can talk to someone for 3 months on the phone and think you have a connection and then you meet them and realize it's just not there. Personally, I wouldnt waste 3 months of my time anymore without meeting the person, if you are talking consistently and it feels right then go for after 3 or 4 weeks but make it a PUBLIC place. (and yes I have had the friend call me deal, but let's face it everyone knows what that is about so I honestly have just gotten to the point that if its not working, I say it, its no different than leaving the guy after a phone call that he knows was a fake anyway...;) ) The best rule will always be use some common sense and don't RUSH into anything, be realistic...........


Oh I have no doubt that alot of guys are not honest on their profiles...but luckily for Ang she found one that was...and we were so happy until she dumped me...:sad1: :sad1: :sad1: :sad1:


:rolleyes1 :rolleyes1 :rolleyes1

[sand2270]

You have to realize that you are in "competition" with 100's of other ladies...many with pics...I do not even look at profiles without a pic quite honestly..do not even read them...have I passed over my princess by doing that? Probably...but thats just me...but I have talked to many guys who do the same thing...in fact almost all do...

Ok Randy...just for you I added a note to my profile as to why my pictures aren't available and to send me a nudge if I haven't released them yet. That's the best I can do...if that is not enough I will still have to consider them not worthy or a dummy :). I gotta have some standards. :lmao:

[Carrieannew]

Randy Randy Randy

Where to start...

Would you continue reading a women's profile if you did not find her attractive? Is'nt one of the "benefits" of online dating that you get to see into a person and past image first. Don't get me wrong, for there to be a true connection there has to be an attraction. But I have talked to many a person who would not have just gone up to that person in real life, and would have missed out.

My brother and his wife meet on Yahoo personals.. years ago. She had done her fair share of "online" dating and she is very honest about some of the good and bad. I know for a fact it can work.. We have examples right here on the dis boards.

I just wonder if by passing over someone, you are truely doing no different than you would in say a bar situation.

And I agree with Angy. There are so many guys out there who are not honest. And are not truely looking for a relationship, they are players. But they are out everywhere online or not.

I dont really agree though that there should be a timeline, such as we must talk for at least 3 weeks and then we can meet. Or we cant talk for more than 3 weeks without meeting first. I just think every situation is different. Expecially here on the boards where most times things start as friendships first. Of course in the big bad world on online dating, thats a whole other story.

Randy I like hearing a guys view. Any more out here?

[acm563]

Oh I have no doubt that alot of guys are not honest on their profiles...but luckily for Ang she found one that was...and we were so happy until she dumped me...:sad1: :sad1: :sad1: :sad1:


:rolleyes1 :rolleyes1 :rolleyes1

:lmao: :lmao: Get over it:lmao: :lmao:

[tawasdave]

:lmao: I can only speak for me..but I know for sure that yes people both male and female lie on their profiles...or at least stretch the truth...no doubt about it..I did not mean for it to come off that it was only women..I know its both...

Second..there are literally 100's of women on dating sites out there..and for me...and all the other single guys out there that I have discussed this with...we pay no, none, zip, zero attention to a profile with no picture...I am sure I have read this somewhere that for men the first thing that attracts us is visual...then everything else falls behind that...for women its just the opposite..its personality first...no wonder we cannot get along...:lmao: :lmao:

If you were to read my profile you would clearly see that I have things about me that are good and bad...that I am very specific about what I like and do not like...what I am looking for in a lady and what I do not like...

As for players...you bet there are...both men and women...I sure wish that someone however would come up with a good definition of player...because if you see someone a few times and you decide that its not working instantly the guy becomes a "Player"...I dated a women a few times and we were hitting it off and she says I think your a player...well that was the end of that...are there guys that are players out there? For sure...but just because a relationship does not work does not make us players...

...and as for a timeline...your right...each "relationship" is different...for me however I do not meet right away..been there...done that...um..not good...

[Carrieannew]

:lmao: I can only speak for me..but I know for sure that yes people both male and female lie on their profiles...or at least stretch the truth...no doubt about it..I did not mean for it to come off that it was only women..I know its both...

Second..there are literally 100's of women on dating sites out there..and for me...and all the other single guys out there that I have discussed this with...we pay no, none, zip, zero attention to a profile with no picture...I am sure I have read this somewhere that for men the first thing that attracts us is visual...then everything else falls behind that...for women its just the opposite..its personality first...no wonder we cannot get along...:lmao: :lmao:

If you were to read my profile you would clearly see that I have things about me that are good and bad...that I am very specific about what I like and do not like...what I am looking for in a lady and what I do not like...

As for players...you bet there are...both men and women...I sure wish that someone however would come up with a good definition of player...because if you see someone a few times and you decide that its not working instantly the guy becomes a "Player"...I dated a women a few times and we were hitting it off and she says I think your a player...well that was the end of that...are there guys that are players out there? For sure...but just because a relationship does not work does not make us players...

...and as for a timeline...your right...each "relationship" is different...for me however I do not meet right away..been there...done that...um..not good...

Leave it to Randy to defend the Players .. geez

[tsing]

Randy Randy Randy

Where to start...

I dont really agree though that there should be a timeline, such as we must talk for at least 3 weeks and then we can meet. Or we cant talk for more than 3 weeks without meeting first. I just think every situation is different. Expecially here on the boards where most times things start as friendships first. Of course in the big bad world on online dating, thats a whole other story.

Randy I like hearing a guys view. Any more out here?

I'll probably just address the profile and time lines. I really don't have any experience with on-line dating, and my experience with Disboards is actually pretty brief.

I have a membership on myspace, but I haven't done anything with it. So there is no profile. My profile on Disboards is vague on location, because I work in public safety and it's better if I keep the location vague. If somebody asks, and I'm comfortable telling them, I'll give more detail in a PM.

I'm really not into playing games. I know what my weaknesses are, and I'm up front in letting a woman know what they are; and trying to reduce their impact on my life. Because ignoring them and keeping them as weaknesses hasn't worked for me.

The timelines probably wouldn't work for me, unless I'm in the same geographical area as the woman I'm interested in. Time off is limited, and I work odd hours. Hopefully the interest that has us physically meeting is sufficient to hold that interest until we're able to meet.

Speaking of work hours, it's time to go. See y'all later.

[acm563]

Definition of player from a womans point of view = Man out here on dating site who is NOT looking for serious relationships but says he is when his profile should actually just say looking for dating....(and umm, I know someone that needs to reread his match.com:rolleyes1 ) He goes from woman to woman , and most of the time he is a real charmer, he does all the right things until someone that looks a little better in his eyes comes along and then he is off to the "next" one.... A player isnt a "bad guy" he's just someone that has no intention of settling down with just one woman because quite honestly that one right woman (in his eyes) would never give him the time of day(but he is too blind to realize that) so obviously he will never find her. So he has his "for this moment" gf, and its not that he treats her bad, but as soon as something new catches his eye and he can "have" it he dumps the old for the new.... A player does not end one relationship until he has someone else in the wings. A player is the guy who knows he isnt interested in a long term relationship with the woman he is currently with but instead of dumping her he strings her along because he hasnt found a new toy yet :rolleyes1 There are players, both male and female on this site and others, its a part of life. The important thing is to know a player when you see one and either be willing to "play" or dont get involved at all if you are the type to let your heart get involved.

[acm563]

Leave it to Randy to defend the Players .. geez

:rolleyes1 :rolleyes1 :rolleyes1 :rolleyes1 :rolleyes1 :rolleyes1

[tawasdave]

:rolleyes1 :rolleyes1 :rolleyes1 :rolleyes1 :rolleyes1 :rolleyes1


:snooty: :snooty: :snooty: :snooty: :snooty: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel:

[Carrieannew]

Definition of player from a womans point of view = Man out here on dating site who is NOT looking for serious relationships but says he is when his profile should actually just say looking for dating....(and umm, I know someone that needs to reread his match.com:rolleyes1 ) He goes from woman to woman , and most of the time he is a real charmer, he does all the right things until someone that looks a little better in his eyes comes along and then he is off to the "next" one.... A player isnt a "bad guy" he's just someone that has no intention of settling down with just one woman because quite honestly that one right woman (in his eyes) would never give him the time of day(but he is too blind to realize that) so obviously he will never find her. So he has his "for this moment" gf, and its not that he treats her bad, but as soon as something new catches his eye and he can "have" it he dumps the old for the new.... A player does not end one relationship until he has someone else in the wings. A player is the guy who knows he isnt interested in a long term relationship with the woman he is currently with but instead of dumping her he strings her along because he hasnt found a new toy yet :rolleyes1 There are players, both male and female on this site and others, its a part of life. The important thing is to know a player when you see one and either be willing to "play" or dont get involved at all if you are the type to let your heart get involved.

Exactly.

Very well said.

And I hate the line.. don't hate the player.. hate the game

[acm563]

:snooty: :snooty: :snooty: :snooty: :snooty: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel:

:lmao: I think this post just proves my point:lmao: What was that about honesty??????????:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

[Mrsduck101]

Hello my friend, I miss you two. . .gotta talk story soon. . .will be near Cincinatti at the end of Jan. Wanna meet for Lunch or Drinks? I am sure I can talk Rob into it.

Darcy! Let me know when you will be there - we would love to see you :)

Hopefully it's a little warmer, it's -8 here right now, wind chill -26 :scared1:

[WieczoreksLoveDisney]

is very hard when you love disney as much as me. guy look at you like your weird when you are 27 and love a mouse

[tawasdave]

is very hard when you love disney as much as me. guy look at you like your weird when you are 27 and love a mouse

It does not get any easier at 50 y/o...lol

[nurse.darcy]

Darcy! Let me know when you will be there - we would love to see you :)

Hopefully it's a little warmer, it's -8 here right now, wind chill -26 :scared1:

Flying in on the 30th and leaving on the 3rd. Friday is 4th street live night but any other day or night is good. . .

[starrzone]

Definition of player from a woman's point of view = Man out here on dating site who is NOT looking for serious relationships but says he is when his profile should actually just say looking for dating....(and umm, I know someone that needs to reread his match.com:rolleyes1 ) He goes from woman to woman , and most of the time he is a real charmer, he does all the right things until someone that looks a little better in his eyes comes along and then he is off to the "next" one.... A player isnt a "bad guy" he's just someone that has no intention of settling down with just one woman because quite honestly that one right woman (in his eyes) would never give him the time of day(but he is too blind to realize that) so obviously he will never find her. So he has his "for this moment" gf, and its not that he treats her bad, but as soon as something new catches his eye and he can "have" it he dumps the old for the new.... A player does not end one relationship until he has someone else in the wings. A player is the guy who knows he isnt interested in a long term relationship with the woman he is currently with but instead of dumping her he strings her along because he hasnt found a new toy yet :rolleyes1 There are players, both male and female on this site and others, its a part of life. The important thing is to know a player when you see one and either be willing to "play" or dont get involved at all if you are the type to let your heart get involved.

OP here! :thumbsup2 :thumbsup2 :thumbsup2 to this whole thing, and especially the bolded parts. I got duped this past summer by someone who pretty well fits this description to a T. My problem was that I was NOT willing to "play" but I didn't know how to ID a player. I'm a bit better now, though, although it was pretty rough.

No flaming, just a comment. When I was doing eharmony I got matched with...count them...3 coworkers. It was embarrassing. As a result I hid my picture until I could confirm the match was not a coworker. As soon as I knew I would release my picture. As a result though some guys would immediately close the match because they couldn't see my picture. Basically I was not even given a chance.

I recently reinstated my membership. Not really sure why, I don't feel like dating...maybe boredom. Anyway, they added this feature now where you can send someone a nudge if their picture isn't posted. And still I am being closed immediately by some men because I don't make my photo available immediately. This makes no sense to me. If you want to see it just send me a nudge and I will release my pictures.

My feelings about this? Their loss...if all they are interested in is the picture than they really aren't worth my time. Also I feel like if they aren't smart enough to send me a nudge first than they are a dummy and I am not wasting my time. So what do I do to those guys? I go up, release my picture, and than finalize the match closure (you have the option of requesting the match be reopened which I don't do LOL). :laughing:



The picture thing is a sticky point with me. It took a long, long time before I was confident enough to post a picture, for many reasons. I didn't want the "You're hot, let's get together" messages (not that I think I am lol, just trying to make a point!) because that's how I got sucked in with the last Jerk. I wanted guys to like me for me. Aaaaahhhh, this is all so complicated!

[Carrieannew]

OP here! :thumbsup2 :thumbsup2 :thumbsup2 to this whole thing, and especially the bolded parts. I got duped this past summer by someone who pretty well fits this description to a T. My problem was that I was NOT willing to "play" but I didn't know how to ID a player. I'm a bit better now, though, although it was pretty rough.



The picture thing is a sticky point with me. It took a long, long time before I was confident enough to post a picture, for many reasons. I didn't want the "You're hot, let's get together" messages (not that I think I am lol, just trying to make a point!) because that's how I got sucked in with the last Jerk. I wanted guys to like me for me. Aaaaahhhh, this is all so complicated!



I understand what you mean completely. But I think once you have been burned by one of "those" guys.. they become easier to spot.

The picture thing is completely understandable as you want someone who wants you for you. But Randy seems to think all men are pigs and only think of looks first.. Holding out hope still on my end that its not true.

[sand2270]

The picture thing is a sticky point with me. It took a long, long time before I was confident enough to post a picture, for many reasons. I didn't want the "You're hot, let's get together" messages (not that I think I am lol, just trying to make a point!) because that's how I got sucked in with the last Jerk. I wanted guys to like me for me. Aaaaahhhh, this is all so complicated!


well and what makes it weirder is they will close me and not have their own picture posted! Seriously are you kidding me. At least I can thank them for not wasting my time :).

[sand2270]

I understand what you mean completely. But I think once you have been burned by one of "those" guys.. they become easier to spot.

The picture thing is completely understandable as you want someone who wants you for you. But Randy seems to think all men are pigs and only think of looks first.. Holding out hope still on my end that its not true.

LOL!

[Carrieannew]

LOL!

:stir: :stir: :stir: :faint: :faint: :hyper:

[jadedbeauty14304]

I just want to chime back in on a few things...

First off Pictures!
Maybe I am a lot like a guy but I would instantly close a guys profile unless it had a picture. lol I always wonder what he is hiding if he doesn't have a picture posted!!! It doesn't even matter if he looks unattractive in the photo... just post it so I know what I am talking to!

Players are everywhere...lol Male and female all shapes and sizes and ages!! But once you really truely get played, you can start spotting them. Maybe get played enough and you start becoming one. I know I did for a while. Trying to see how many suckers I could get to take me out in a week... how many free dinners I could score...etc... Just playing games... but when I met someone who really clicked with me all the games ended. So remember that... if something is real, and true, even a player will stop making it all a game.

LOL these were my younger years, I have grown more wise in my old age... lol

[Carrieannew]

I just want to chime back in on a few things...

First off Pictures!
Maybe I am a lot like a guy but I would instantly close a guys profile unless it had a picture. lol I always wonder what he is hiding if he doesn't have a picture posted!!! It doesn't even matter if he looks unattractive in the photo... just post it so I know what I am talking to!

Players are everywhere...lol Male and female all shapes and sizes and ages!! But once you really truely get played, you can start spotting them. Maybe get played enough and you start becoming one. I know I did for a while. Trying to see how many suckers I could get to take me out in a week... how many free dinners I could score...etc... Just playing games... but when I met someone who really clicked with me all the games ended. So remember that... if something is real, and true, even a player will stop making it all a game.

LOL these were my younger years, I have grown more wise in my old age... lol


Exactly
You just need a picture to put with the face.

I think everyone has a little bit of "player" in them

[SyracuseWolvrine]

I didn't want the "You're hot, let's get together" messages (not that I think I am lol, just trying to make a point!)

Personally, I can't stand when people are described as "hot" ... There are, in my opinion, much better ways to describe someone's attractiveness ... Cute, Pretty, Beautiful, none of those terms bother me, but I don't like using "hot" (or, for that matter, having it used to describe me) The only time I should look hot is when it's 95 degrees outside, with 95% humidity, and sweat is pouring off my face ... then it's acceptable to describe me as looking hot, because that truly is my state of being at that moment. (And in that scenario, I don't think hot would be any indication at all of attractiveness, because I guarantee, it's not all that attractive)

[Steffiesunshine]

I dated a few guys I met online through the old LOVE@AOL. I have to say several were LOSERS, but it was my own fault because I didn't spend enough time talking to those guys to get to know them first before meeting.

After 2 years of dating, I decided to quit and took down my profile. :(

On March 17, 2002, I decided to give it one more shot and put my profile back up, but hadn't gotten to add a picture yet. After a couple of hours, I thought to myself "WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?" There isn't anyone good out there. I signed on to take my profile down and I had one email already. I read it, and he sounded like a really nice guy. He sent a photo and was really cute, and he didn't ask me for a photo! What???

From there, we traded emails for a few days, and then talked on the phone. I did eventually send him a photo.

Fast forward to today...we have been married for almost 5 years and are as happy today as we were when we first met!

My advice: Take it slow. If a guy is in a "rush" to meet you, and doesn't seem to want to take the time to see if you have some good conversations before meeting, then he probably is only looking for something loose and casual. If that's what you are looking for too, great. But if not, keep looking.

Good Luck! :thumbsup2

[Johnfish]

I dated a few guys I met online through the old LOVE@AOL. I have to say several were LOSERS, but it was my own fault because I didn't spend enough time talking to those guys to get to know them first before meeting.

After 2 years of dating, I decided to quit and took down my profile. :(

On March 17, 2002, I decided to give it one more shot and put my profile back up, but hadn't gotten to add a picture yet. After a couple of hours, I thought to myself "WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?" There isn't anyone good out there. I signed on to take my profile down and I had one email already. I read it, and he sounded like a really nice guy. He sent a photo and was really cute, and he didn't ask me for a photo! What???

From there, we traded emails for a few days, and then talked on the phone. I did eventually send him a photo.

Fast forward to today...we have been married for almost 5 years and are as happy today as we were when we first met!

My advice: Take it slow. If a guy is in a "rush" to meet you, and doesn't seem to want to take the time to see if you have some good conversations before meeting, then he probably is only looking for something loose and casual. If that's what you are looking for too, great. But if not, keep looking.

Good Luck! :thumbsup2


This is a great story!!! I am almost to that same point. I have tried on and off with match, eharmony, plenty of fish, okcupid for many years. I have met a few nice girls some that I am still in touch with. But I still havent met the one I am going to spend the rst of my life with. I am begining to think she doesnt exist. When I first started dating I was looking for the ONE. I quickly realized that was the wrong approach. Dating since then has been more pleasent. The problem is there is no one in teh metro Richmond area that is a compatible match for me. I have actually had more meaningful conversations with people from other parts of the country. But I just dont think LDRs work. At least in my experience they havent. Why is it so hard to find someone locally!

John

[Bill Brown]

Met a good number of casual friends on a variety of singles and church singles sites, though I am on DIS primarily for sharing parks info. Anyway, on the singles and church singles sites I skipped looking at any profiles lacking a photo. Was honest about not looking for any long term relationships and never had any problems. Sometimes met at church social functions (various unrelated churches and religions, I'm flexible), other times at their place (there was always an adult roommate or 2), and sometimes at a public place. However, pretty much lost interest in Net dating in recent years.:surfweb:

[nurse.darcy]

An addition cause you all have added some great stuff. . .

1. I want a picture so I always make sure I post one.

2. I have NEVER been drawn to looks. . .its always something in a person's personality that draws me to them.

3. The more you date, the easier to spot the phonies.

4. Try to decide what it is you truly want from a relationship at this point in your life. Do you want lifelong companionship? Do you want marriage? Is getting married important to you? Do you want a physical partner (sorry, family board, gotta keep it clean)?, do you just want more friends?. . .

Its easy to say "Oh I want a lifetime partner and a marriage commitment". . .it is in reality much harder to do. Many people say they want to be "married" but don't have the first clue how to pull that off. . .Trust me, I am not a relationship expert, just honest with myself enough to know that I am NOT looking for a marriage partner at this point in my life. I want a companion, friend, love interest, etc. . .I could add a myriad of things to this list, but the fact is I took the time to look inside me and figure out what I want. . .

[tsing]

4. Try to decide what it is you truly want from a relationship at this point in your life. Do you want lifelong companionship? Do you want marriage? Is getting married important to you? Do you want a physical partner (sorry, family board, gotta keep it clean)?, do you just want more friends?. . .

. . .

Good advice... I hadn't thought about making these decisions before getting into a relationship... :scratchin

[starrzone]

OP here again; I think I have good news! I don't want to jinx anything by saying too much yet, but I think I met a really great guy. :cutie: I agreed to meet him last night, and he's the sweetest person imaginable. We texted for about 2 days straight, and he said lots of nice things, but meeting him last night sealed the deal. We're meeting for supper tomorrow and for coffee on Tuesday!

[libertybell7]

OP here again; I think I have good news! I don't want to jinx anything by saying too much yet, but I think I met a really great guy. :cutie: I agreed to meet him last night, and he's the sweetest person imaginable. We texted for about 2 days straight, and he said lots of nice things, but meeting him last night sealed the deal. We're meeting for supper tomorrow and for coffee on Tuesday!

Thats great !:cool1:

[Mrsduck101]

Flying in on the 30th and leaving on the 3rd. Friday is 4th street live night but any other day or night is good. . .

Keep me updated as it gets closer sweetie, I still have to do the babysitter thing and all that ;)

We are definitely up for a little road trip to meet up with you guys :drive:

[Carrieannew]

Ok peeps.. someone give me the low down on plentyoffish.com

Its a free site.. does that take the quality down? Anyone have any experience?

[starrzone]

Ok peeps.. someone give me the low down on plentyoffish.com

Its a free site.. does that take the quality down? Anyone have any experience?

That's where I met the guy I'm seeing now! To be honest, I had really good experiences on there. If you have any other questions, just PM me.:)

[tawasdave]

Ok peeps.. someone give me the low down on plentyoffish.com

Its a free site.. does that take the quality down? Anyone have any experience?

Yes Ms Carrie..it does..I have been on there for sometime...not had any luck on it...and find lots of...how do I put this....undesireables and double baggers...:rotfl2: :rotfl2: :rotfl2:

[Carrieannew]

That's where I met the guy I'm seeing now! To be honest, I had really good experiences on there. If you have any other questions, just PM me.:)

Thanks :)
I will PM ya
I'm glad its working for you!!

Yes Ms Carrie..it does..I have been on there for sometime...not had any luck on it...and find lots of...how do I put this....undesireables and double baggers...:rotfl2: :rotfl2: :rotfl2:

Randy randy randy
I dont know if our undesireables are the same thing

[tawasdave]

Thanks :)
Randy randy randy
I dont know if our undesireables are the same thing

Ya all said a mouthful there....:rotfl2: :rotfl2: :rotfl2: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

[Carrieannew]

Ya all said a mouthful there....:rotfl2: :rotfl2: :rotfl2: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

:snooty:

Listen you.

[lhuggi1]

Ok..a couple other things from a guys perspective...

1) If you really want to have guys contact you, you must have a picture..I know, I know....but then he knows what I look like...well that is true...but I would tell you that guys pay no attention to a profile with no pic. And, in this day and age if someone has no pic they have something to hide (married or coyote ugly)...lol

2) Be careful giving out your name...AND home phone number...you may be amazed what a google search can find...and other people finders...next thing ya know they know your address. (type your name or phone number in a google search sometime...you may be surprised)

3) There is a truly free dating site called plentyoffish...but being free...there are alot of...how shall I say, less desireables...but hey its free...

4)Now I am positive that I will get burned by some of the ladies on here who know me...but, when I come across someone that I want to get to know better I use this thing I like to call the 10 question game...(corny I know)...you ask the person 10 questions...they answer..then you have to answer your own questions..then its their turn to do the same...I find it fun...and you learn alot about a person fast (especially a guy like me who hates talking on the phone)..its starts out easy (IE, favorite drink...who do miss the most...favorite season..etc) and they get more difficult and personal as time goes on. You learn if you are truly interested or um..more scared and say thanks but no thanks...

5)Have a friend call during the date on your cell..if everything is ok...you can say that..if not you can make up a thing like.."She fell?" Where?..is she hurt?...Oh I have to go..my mom is headed to the hospital"...lol...Really for us normal guys (easy Ang and Carrie) we do not mind and I have learned to expect it...no biggie...but just an out for you.

6)MAKE YOUR PROFILE TRUTHFUL!!! It amazes me that 80% of the women on dating sites love to camp, fish and hunt...love sports..love to cook...come on...in my 50 years I have met alot of ladies and can count on one hand any that truly liked doing those things...Now I am sure there are ladies that do like that...but not 80%...I know when I see that I tend to avoid those ladies. Oh and another one.." I am an attractive , sexy ..etc etc..."...let us be the judge of that...you telling us that actually tells us you are stuck up and to avoid at all cost!!!

Just be safe...have fun...

Ok ladies...Flame away...:snooty:

I am sorry but by far that is the funniest things I have read in a long time .....
this coming from a girls perspective ..............lol

[LaurieA]

I just joined plentyoffish. Never heard of it before. I am new to this online dating, or in fact dating scene. Tonight will be my first night. I have been alone for a long time but never lonely. Good luck to us all.

[Carrieannew]

I just joined plentyoffish. Never heard of it before. I am new to this online dating, or in fact dating scene. Tonight will be my first night. I have been alone for a long time but never lonely. Good luck to us all.

Good Luck Laurie

I had an interesting first day to say the least

Dont listen to Randy he is a freakin guy.. nuff said.

I like that you can chat there among other features and seems like alot of guys in my area at least.

[TSBRN]

Ok peeps.. someone give me the low down on plentyoffish.com

Its a free site.. does that take the quality down? Anyone have any experience?

I have never actually dated anyone from that site, but I have gone on the site several times in the past just to read profiles. There were some obvious wack jobs....but they can be found anywhere, even on the more expensive sites.

My personal advice (speaking from a lesson learned) is to meet in person as soon as possible after making contact online. You honestly can't tell how someone is going to shake out in person, no matter how long you communicate online.

In my situation, I met a guy on eHarmony (very expensive & not worth the money) and we e-mailed for 6 months because he was deployed in the military. We had great communication via e-mail and talked a couple times briefly on the phone which also seemed to go well.

When we finally got the chance to meet in person, I had a difficult time believing it was the same guy. It had nothing to do with looks, he looked the same as his pics (but that is secondary to me anyway). However, his personality was nothing like the great e-mails he wrote.

I'm not saying he wasn't a nice guy, because he was.....but there was no connection, no chemistry, no nothin'!! Basically, he did all the talking (about himself) and I listened. It was a very long 12 hour date and I was quite sad and disappointed about how it turned out. Oh well....live and learn!!

Wishing everyone the best of luck! :)

[acm563]

I have never actually dated anyone from that site, but I have gone on the site several times in the past just to read profiles. There were some obvious wack jobs....but they can be found anywhere, even on the more expensive sites.

My personal advice (speaking from a lesson learned) is to meet in person as soon as possible after making contact online. You honestly can't tell how someone is going to shake out in person, no matter how long you communicate online.

In my situation, I met a guy on eHarmony (very expensive & not worth the money) and we e-mailed for 6 months because he was deployed in the military. We had great communication via e-mail and talked a couple times briefly on the phone which also seemed to go well.

When we finally got the chance to meet in person, I had a difficult time believing it was the same guy. It had nothing to do with looks, he looked the same as his pics (but that is secondary to me anyway). However, his personality was nothing like the great e-mails he wrote.

I'm not saying he wasn't a nice guy, because he was.....but there was no connection, no chemistry, no nothin'!! Basically, he did all the talking (about himself) and I listened. It was a very long 12 hour date and I was quite sad and disappointed about how it turned out. Oh well....live and learn!!

Wishing everyone the best of luck! :)

I couldnt agree with you more :) While I encourage caution I want to know before I have invested 6 months of my life in someone if there is any possibility there and you cannot know that until AFTER you meet them. Good luck to all... and CARRIE, plenty of fish is no different than any of the other sites, neither better nor worse and at least there is no subscription cost!

[starrzone]

OK, so here's the deal; I met this guy on Plenty of Fish, we've gotten together a couple times, and we really clicked. The thing is, I'm in totally uncharted territory here; the guy's 10 years older than me, going through a divorce and has 2 kids who are 6 and 5 (they live with the ex). Anyone you ask will confirm that I love kids, but I'm just at a loss here. If things do get more serious, how do I handle being part of the lives of these 2 little kids? Does it just come naturally? I don't want to step on any toes, and I'm so afraid that I'll make the ex mad or something...I don't know, maybe it's not even worth worrying about right now, but I like thinking ahead!

[tawasdave]

Dont listen to Randy he is a freakin guy.. nuff said.



LOL...Gosh..I have not freaked...in..oh I would say...well..a really long time...:rotfl2: :rotfl2: :rotfl2:

[tsing]

OK, so here's the deal; I met this guy on Plenty of Fish, we've gotten together a couple times, and we really clicked. The thing is, I'm in totally uncharted territory here; the guy's 10 years older than me, going through a divorce and has 2 kids who are 6 and 5 (they live with the ex). Anyone you ask will confirm that I love kids, but I'm just at a loss here. If things do get more serious, how do I handle being part of the lives of these 2 little kids? Does it just come naturally? I don't want to step on any toes, and I'm so afraid that I'll make the ex mad or something...I don't know, maybe it's not even worth worrying about right now, but I like thinking ahead!

No personal experience with this, but a lot in my line of work. I'm thinking more along the lines of child custody and visitation here. How is that working with the ex? Do they always have problems, and keep going to court? Or have they come to a mutual agreement and don't have any problems? If they're always having problems, I would try and stay out of it. It's okay to support your guy, but don't be the one who does the exchange. Don't put yourself out in front, and make the ex any more mad than she might already be. If things work out with him, you're going to be dealing with her for twelve or thirteen years. Best to make it as trouble free as you can.

[TSBRN]

OK, so here's the deal; I met this guy on Plenty of Fish, we've gotten together a couple times, and we really clicked. The thing is, I'm in totally uncharted territory here; the guy's 10 years older than me, going through a divorce and has 2 kids who are 6 and 5 (they live with the ex). Anyone you ask will confirm that I love kids, but I'm just at a loss here. If things do get more serious, how do I handle being part of the lives of these 2 little kids? Does it just come naturally? I don't want to step on any toes, and I'm so afraid that I'll make the ex mad or something...I don't know, maybe it's not even worth worrying about right now, but I like thinking ahead!

I think thinking ahead is great! It keeps you firmly planted on the ground instead of simply following your heart and feelings...which doesn't always work out.

The main thing I would worry about is that this guy is "going through a divorce." That means to me, he isn't yet divorced. Sounds like he is really jumping into the dating pool head first. Statistically, men do start dating and marrying sooner after they are divorced than women do....but I would use caution when dating someone who still has a legal tie to another person.

Not to keep quoting stats or sounding geeky....but usually the first relationship after a divorce is the rebound relationship and the outlook for long term is not good.

Of course, that is not to say it hasn't happened or doesn't happen. Just wanted to throw those thoughts out there since you sound like a sensible person.

Best of luck!

[Carrieannew]

I think thinking ahead is great! It keeps you firmly planted on the ground instead of simply following your heart and feelings...which doesn't always work out.

The main thing I would worry about is that this guy is "going through a divorce." That means to me, he isn't yet divorced. Sounds like he is really jumping into the dating pool head first. Statistically, men do start dating and marrying sooner after they are divorced than women do....but I would use caution when dating someone who still has a legal tie to another person.

Not to keep quoting stats or sounding geeky....but usually the first relationship after a divorce is the rebound relationship and the outlook for long term is not good.

Of course, that is not to say it hasn't happened or doesn't happen. Just wanted to throw those thoughts out there since you sound like a sensible person.

Best of luck!

Everything is what I exactly would say.

If he is "going" threw a divorce.. run.. dont walk. Just my 2 cents.

I also have seen what would have been a rebound situation turn into marriage.. so its hard to say.

I just know from experience.. that is a mess that isnt worth it.

[starrzone]

No personal experience with this, but a lot in my line of work. I'm thinking more along the lines of child custody and visitation here. How is that working with the ex? Do they always have problems, and keep going to court? Or have they come to a mutual agreement and don't have any problems? If they're always having problems, I would try and stay out of it. It's okay to support your guy, but don't be the one who does the exchange. Don't put yourself out in front, and make the ex any more mad than she might already be. If things work out with him, you're going to be dealing with her for twelve or thirteen years. Best to make it as trouble free as you can.

There is no court involved in the situation. He gets to visit with the kids pretty well whenever he wants as does so as much as he can. Things seem to be going pretty smoothly. I agree with not making the ex mad; I think if things do move forward, I'll let him take the lead. I haven't said one word about the kids other than to ask how his visits with them went; I know that meeting the kids is a sensitive subject and that he has to be the one to bring it up.

The ex of the last guy I was seeing (no kids involved) was crazy, and this was verified by a couple of other people. I should have run far, FAR away from the guy the day he told me that he wouldn't put it past her to come find me and beat me up...:rolleyes2

I think thinking ahead is great! It keeps you firmly planted on the ground instead of simply following your heart and feelings...which doesn't always work out.

The main thing I would worry about is that this guy is "going through a divorce." That means to me, he isn't yet divorced. Sounds like he is really jumping into the dating pool head first. Statistically, men do start dating and marrying sooner after they are divorced than women do....but I would use caution when dating someone who still has a legal tie to another person.

Not to keep quoting stats or sounding geeky....but usually the first relationship after a divorce is the rebound relationship and the outlook for long term is not good.

Of course, that is not to say it hasn't happened or doesn't happen. Just wanted to throw those thoughts out there since you sound like a sensible person.

Best of luck!

Yup; my guard is still definitely up on this one. It's still way too early in the relationship to be asking about legal and money stuff, but you can bet that if things progress that I will be making enquiries.

I'm not the first relationship after their breakup; they've been separated for awhile. I most certainly do not want to be the rebound girl, so my radar is still up. Thanks for the advice, though; sometimes you fall really fast and need a reality check...

Everything is what I exactly would say.

If he is "going" threw a divorce.. run.. dont walk. Just my 2 cents.

I also have seen what would have been a rebound situation turn into marriage.. so its hard to say.

I just know from experience.. that is a mess that isnt worth it.

Thanks for the words of caution. I too have seen friends go into really sticky situations knowing that no good will come of it. Sometimes you just have to be there to hold hands and talk when everything comes crashing down. I don't know...I think I read people fairly well and that this guy is truly ready to move on...I guess you'll all have to stay tuned...

[DWFan4Life]

Caution is always good, keep an open mind. I met my soon to be husband right here on the boards last January. We are getting married on Tuesday.

Wow, this is awesome. I'm happy for the both of you. Congratulations. May you have a happy married life and many children to come. :) Where will be your wedding? At WDW?

Have a nice day. :)

[Carrieannew]

There is no court involved in the situation. He gets to visit with the kids pretty well whenever he wants as does so as much as he can. Things seem to be going pretty smoothly. I agree with not making the ex mad; I think if things do move forward, I'll let him take the lead. I haven't said one word about the kids other than to ask how his visits with them went; I know that meeting the kids is a sensitive subject and that he has to be the one to bring it up.

The ex of the last guy I was seeing (no kids involved) was crazy, and this was verified by a couple of other people. I should have run far, FAR away from the guy the day he told me that he wouldn't put it past her to come find me and beat me up...:rolleyes2



Yup; my guard is still definitely up on this one. It's still way too early in the relationship to be asking about legal and money stuff, but you can bet that if things progress that I will be making enquiries.

I'm not the first relationship after their breakup; they've been separated for awhile. I most certainly do not want to be the rebound girl, so my radar is still up. Thanks for the advice, though; sometimes you fall really fast and need a reality check...



Thanks for the words of caution. I too have seen friends go into really sticky situations knowing that no good will come of it. Sometimes you just have to be there to hold hands and talk when everything comes crashing down. I don't know...I think I read people fairly well and that this guy is truly ready to move on...I guess you'll all have to stay tuned...

I am glad you have your guard up.

No luck so far on Fish for me.. Seriously.. some of these guys... :badpc:

[tawasdave]

I am glad you have your guard up.

No luck so far on Fish for me.. Seriously.. some of these guys... :badpc:

I warned ya...but do you listen to your Father...noooooooooooooo

[sand2270]

I am glad you have your guard up.

No luck so far on Fish for me.. Seriously.. some of these guys... :badpc:


Trust me...eharmony hasn't been much better. Most are either way older than me or live in Phoenix. Blah.

[Carrieannew]

I warned ya...but do you listen to your Father...noooooooooooooo

Trust me...eharmony hasn't been much better. Most are either way older than me or live in Phoenix. Blah.

Thank you Amy

Randy it has nothing to do with the site... or paying or not
There are nasty guys everywhere

For gods sake I got felt up at the darn local bar by an old man a few weeks ago who wouldnt stop touching me.

[tawasdave]

For gods sake I got felt up at the darn local bar by an old man a few weeks ago who wouldnt stop touching me.


Hey...old men need love too...:thumbsup2 :thumbsup2 :thumbsup2

[sparty7798]

I met my husband on match.com! Initially, we met for coffee in a public location at the mall and then went from there. I was very cautious at first-we dated for a year and a half and then we got married. We have now been married for almost 4 years.

Before meeting my husband, I did meet some other nice people as well, but no the right one. My advice is to be open and take it slow!

Good Luck!

[Goofy4Disney!]

Just going to add my two cents, if I may. I read often, but rarely post lol

I totally think the online stuff can work out. Or not.

I met my husband in February '99 (in a chat room actually). He lived in Indiana and I live in Boston. We knew instantly, even without having met face to face, that there was a strong connection. We chatted until we did the actual "meeting" in April. We decided to meet half way (which was Philadelphia?). His flight was not supposed to get in until after mine. But he was going to try stand-by and see if he could get an earlier flight. I didn't know if he had or not, since I was already on the plane on my way there. When I got off the plane, I had no expectations of him being at the airport already. The airport was so crowded, and obviously so noisy. I got off the plane and was headed to baggage claim when I heard "Jina". Honestly (and this sounds corny) but I was so tuned into his voice, from having only been able to talk to him for months (and hours a day) on the phone that I heard his voice so clearly through all that noise. (Don't gag, I know it sounds corny, but it's true lol). I think you can really get to know someone on a deep level when all you have is the phone and email. All you do is TALK! lol

I knew instantly, when I saw him, that he was the man for me. It just reinforced what I had already been feeling for those months prior to actually meeting. (not saying this always happen, or that it's even the norm, but sometimes you just "get that feeling").

When he flew back home in April, he put a transfer in for his job to move to Boston. He flew out to be with me again in May, I flew to him in July, and by August, he had put all of his things in his car and driven to Boston to live with me. We got married shortly after and he was truly the love of my life.

So, after a long story lol, yes online "dating" or "long distance dating" , whatever, can work. But as far as long distance, I think one or the other person needs to make it clear up front whether or not they can move if things got serious and what it is they're looking for from a relationship.

On the other hand, since my husband passed away I've tried the online dating thing again. And have met a couple of real tools. I think online dating is different than it used to be, before it became the norm. A much bigger...umm..."variety" of people out there now I guess. Makes it so I gave up on it altogether.

Just be careful and have a "safe" call. But always keep your mind open, it CAN happen.

Man I can ramble. :rotfl:

[Carrieannew]

Alright peeps.. totally think the fish site was no good for me..

But OkCupid .... :thumbsup2

I'll keep everyone posted but things look really really good. Didnt think I could find a "normal" guy on a dating site.

[sand2270]

Alright peeps.. totally think the fish site was no good for me..

But OkCupid .... :thumbsup2

I'll keep everyone posted but things look really really good. Didnt think I could find a "normal" guy on a dating site.


I think I have hit my "I am better off alone than dealing with this crap" wall again LOL.

I like being on that wall...I put up with less BS. :)

[Carrieannew]

I think I have hit my "I am better off alone than dealing with this crap" wall again LOL.

I like being on that wall...I put up with less BS. :)

Completely understand. It wont take me long to get back there.

[tawasdave]

I think I have hit my "I am better off alone than dealing with this crap" wall again LOL.

I like being on that wall...I put up with less BS. :)

Completely understand. It wont take me long to get back there.


I know how you both feel...I felt the same way after Ang dumped me...

[sand2270]

I know how you both feel...I felt the same way after Ang dumped me...


from what I heard..you deserved it...

LOL just kidding...I never heard anything just being a brat. ;)

[Carrieannew]

Walls are back

First person I talk to that I felt a connection with on these dating sites (other than a person I feel a connection but he does not seem interested the same) ...emailed for 2 days and talked... deleted his account today. Did a google search on his username.. yup married..

I'm so not ready for this like I thought I was.

Every reason I have to not trust people.. just gets reaffirmed daily

[sand2270]

Walls are back

First person I talk to that I felt a connection with on these dating sites (other than a person I feel a connection with from here but he does not seem interested the same) ...emailed for 2 days and talked... deleted his account today. Did a google search on his username.. yup married..

I'm so not ready for this like I thought I was.

Every reason I have to not trust people.. just gets reaffirmed daily

I'm so sorry...dating sucks...and finding someone you can trust is hard.

We'll hang out on the wall together :)

[black562]

Walls are back

First person I talk to that I felt a connection with on these dating sites (other than a person I feel a connection with from here but he does not seem interested the same) ...emailed for 2 days and talked... deleted his account today. Did a google search on his username.. yup married..

I'm so not ready for this like I thought I was.

Every reason I have to not trust people.. just gets reaffirmed daily

When it comes to trust, it isn't just the guys, believe me...I know from experience. So please don't make guys out to be the only ones that can't be trusted (not that you were).

I've always said that when you look for something, you never find it. Then, when you least expect it, it hits you from out of the blue. Often it comes from the place you least expect it and sometimes from a person you least expect it from, maybe right under your nose the entire time.

Every bad relationship is a learning experience for the next one to come. Lessons learned are quite valuable ya know.

[Carrieannew]

I'm so sorry...dating sucks...and finding someone you can trust is hard.

We'll hang out on the wall together :)

Can there be plenty of booze on this wall?

Joe - I know that you can not look for these things. And trust me I am the last person who would actually put herself out there looking. But at a certain point in your life (mine) I cant live under a rock anymore and I cant hold out hope that when I am not looking it will come.

Because the last 2 times something just showed up at my doorstep... first one broke my heart and the second is just not that into me.

[CinRell]

I met a couple of my ex boyfriends online. Most didn't go well. My BEST relationships were men I met when I honestly wasn't looking... so the saying is true. However I know as we get older and our lives become just work and home, it's hard to meet someone UNLESS you are looking!

I met my ex BF on POF. I was looking. I forced something to be there when it wasn't and he was too inexperienced to know better.

Most people misrepresent themselves online because they can. Or they just don't want to stop looking because there ARE "so many more fish int he sea" they're always looking for better. Unfortunately many see online dating as a high tech brothel which is NOT my thing.

My company runs a dating website .. for a very unique group of people... and in the 3 years we've been in operation we've had more than 75 marriages. So yes it works for some.

YOu just have to be realistic about it and know that when you talk online for even months, you don't really know the person until you meet them and spend real time with them. And while you don't have to assume the worst of everyone, be realistic that they are on their best behavior because they, too, are looking for SOMETHING. you just have to figure out what.

Best of luck to all of the single disers. I"ve been single since last May and went through the whole really wanting to meet someone.. to hating the opposite sex.. I"m currently finally at the point that I"m comfy with myself. Sure I want kids one day but... I'm not sure it will happen anymore and I"ve come to terms with that. I surround myself with family and friends and my rescue work and my writing and I realize so many things I enjoy now I may not have the time for if I were in a relationship.

Just take things one day at a time... even if you meet online and it seems perfect.

That's advice I have to tell myself frequently in many aspects of life.

[black562]

I met a couple of my ex boyfriends online. Most didn't go well. My BEST relationships were men I met when I honestly wasn't looking... so the saying is true. However I know as we get older and our lives become just work and home, it's hard to meet someone UNLESS you are looking!

I met my ex BF on POF. I was looking. I forced something to be there when it wasn't and he was too inexperienced to know better.

Most people misrepresent themselves online because they can. Or they just don't want to stop looking because there ARE "so many more fish int he sea" they're always looking for better. Unfortunately many see online dating as a high tech brothel which is NOT my thing.

My company runs a dating website .. for a very unique group of people... and in the 3 years we've been in operation we've had more than 75 marriages. So yes it works for some.

YOu just have to be realistic about it and know that when you talk online for even months, you don't really know the person until you meet them and spend real time with them. And while you don't have to assume the worst of everyone, be realistic that they are on their best behavior because they, too, are looking for SOMETHING. you just have to figure out what.

Best of luck to all of the single disers. I"ve been single since last May and went through the whole really wanting to meet someone.. to hating the opposite sex.. I"m currently finally at the point that I"m comfy with myself. Sure I want kids one day but... I'm not sure it will happen anymore and I"ve come to terms with that. I surround myself with family and friends and my rescue work and my writing and I realize so many things I enjoy now I may not have the time for if I were in a relationship.

Just take things one day at a time... even if you meet online and it seems perfect.

That's advice I have to tell myself frequently in many aspects of life.

You make valid points, along with one I always like to point out.

You MUST be happy yourself and you can't look to others for your happiness. Once you are happy inside, that will project outward and the people you meet will be of a better caliber. It sounds simple and maybe it is, but so many people overlook it and think they need someone else to be happy.

One of the happiest persons I know is my cousin...totally single, travels the world (and incredibly wealthy). He found his happiness and may remain single forever...but happy nontheless.

[sand2270]

When it comes to trust, it isn't just the guys, believe me...I know from experience. Remember, I caught my wife at Christmas!!! So please don't make guys out to be the only ones that can't be trusted (not that you were).

I've always said that when you look for something, you never find it. Then, when you least expect it, it hits you from out of the blue. Often it comes from the place you least expect it and sometimes from a person you least expect it from, maybe right under your nose the entire time.

Every bad relationship is a learning experience for the next one to come. Lessons learned are quite valuable ya know.


I don't think either of us said it was just men...women do untrustworthy things too.

Carrie...I also don't think "hardening" your heart a little is such a bad thing. Like I said, when I am like that I put up with less BS and tend to meet more quality people. I also tend to focus on myself more and worry less about am I going to see so and so, is so and so going to call, etc. Who cares...I'm busy LOL.

[sand2270]

Can there be plenty of booze on this wall?

Joe - I know that you can not look for these things. And trust me I am the last person who would actually put herself out there looking. But at a certain point in your life (mine) I cant live under a rock anymore and I cant hold out hope that when I am not looking it will come.

Because the last 2 times something just showed up at my doorstep... first one broke my heart and the second is just not that into me.

Full open bar on that wall...come join me. :drinking1

[sand2270]

Can there be plenty of booze on this wall?

Joe - I know that you can not look for these things. And trust me I am the last person who would actually put herself out there looking. But at a certain point in your life (mine) I cant live under a rock anymore and I cant hold out hope that when I am not looking it will come.

Because the last 2 times something just showed up at my doorstep... first one broke my heart and the second is just not that into me.


You know I don't mean to be flippant, so if I was I apologize.

Anyway, Carrie...ultimately it comes down to loving and being comfortable with yourself. If you have that...good things will come. And don't settle just to have someone in your life...it's not worth it. I would rather be alone and happy than in a bad relationship and miserable.

[PirateMel]

You make valid points, along with one I always like to point out.

You MUST be happy yourself and you can't look to others for your happiness. Once you are happy inside, that will project outward and the people you meet will be of a better caliber. It sounds simple and maybe it is, but so many people overlook it and think they need someone else to be happy.

One of the happiest persons I know is my cousin...totally single, travels the world (and incredibly wealthy). He found his happiness and may remain single forever...but happy nontheless.

Joe, I can't agree more with you here. :grouphug:

[sand2270]

You make valid points, along with one I always like to point out.

You MUST be happy yourself and you can't look to others for your happiness. Once you are happy inside, that will project outward and the people you meet will be of a better caliber. It sounds simple and maybe it is, but so many people overlook it and think they need someone else to be happy.

One of the happiest persons I know is my cousin...totally single, travels the world (and incredibly wealthy). He found his happiness and may remain single forever...but happy nontheless.

You know I don't mean to be flippant, so if I was I apologize.

Anyway, Carrie...ultimately it comes down to loving and being comfortable with yourself. If you have that...good things will come. And don't settle just to have someone in your life...it's not worth it. I would rather be alone and happy than in a bad relationship and miserable.


just realized we basically said the same thing LOL

[CinRell]

You MUST be happy yourself and you can't look to others for your happiness. Once you are happy inside, that will project outward and the people you meet will be of a better caliber. It sounds simple and maybe it is, but so many people overlook it and think they need someone else to be happy.

One of the happiest persons I know is my cousin...totally single, travels the world (and incredibly wealthy). He found his happiness and may remain single forever...but happy nontheless.

Yup! That's why I made it a point to say I've reached that. Honestly I"ve never been happier... and that includes when I was with men I thought I loved. I'm happy with ME and I feel that *IF* I end up in another relationship it will be that much better because of it.

Being happy with yourself is so much more important than finding someone else. I've done that. And I was miserable with him too.. therefore making HIM miserable and resentful.... therefore making me MORE miserable and resentful...

it's just an ugly cycle to even start.

Being happy with me makes me realize I deserve better than I was settling for before.

For me it meant taking a break from the internet and from going certain places I used to go. It meant focusing on me and being active in things I enjoyed and finding myself again.. as hoaky as that sounded.... it worked for me.

[sand2270]

Yup! That's why I made it a point to say I've reached that. Honestly I"ve never been happier... and that includes when I was with men I thought I loved. I'm happy with ME and I feel that *IF* I end up in another relationship it will be that much better because of it.

Being happy with yourself is so much more important than finding someone else. I've done that. And I was miserable with him too.. therefore making HIM miserable and resentful.... therefore making me MORE miserable and resentful...

it's just an ugly cycle to even start.

Being happy with me makes me realize I deserve better than I was settling for before.

For me it meant taking a break from the internet and from going certain places I used to go. It meant focusing on me and being active in things I enjoyed and finding myself again.. as hoaky as that sounded.... it worked for me.

When I think about it, which I was doing this week...my best, funnest, laughed my butt off till I cried times...were when I wasn't married or dating anyone. Those were the times I was focused on friends and enjoying life. Funny how that works out.

[black562]

Yup! That's why I made it a point to say I've reached that. Honestly I"ve never been happier... and that includes when I was with men I thought I loved. I'm happy with ME and I feel that *IF* I end up in another relationship it will be that much better because of it.

Being happy with yourself is so much more important than finding someone else. I've done that. And I was miserable with him too.. therefore making HIM miserable and resentful.... therefore making me MORE miserable and resentful...

it's just an ugly cycle to even start.

Being happy with me makes me realize I deserve better than I was settling for before.

For me it meant taking a break from the internet and from going certain places I used to go. It meant focusing on me and being active in things I enjoyed and finding myself again.. as hoaky as that sounded.... it worked for me.

Yes, and that's the key.

Another key is to also forgive your ex...as strange as it sounds. I've long since forgiven my ex-wife, which is why I'm not a depressed soul now. Given what happened, I should be the saddest person on these boards, but I'm not...forgiveness goes a long way. I didn't do it for her benefit, I did it for mine.

[CinRell]

Yes, and that's the key.

Another key is to also forgive your ex...as strange as it sounds. I've long since forgiven my ex-wife, which is why I'm not a depressed soul now. Given what happened, I should be the saddest person on these boards, but I'm not...forgiveness goes a long way. I didn't do it for her benefit, I did it for mine.

Some things are unforgiveable. However, it's important to let things be in the past and know not everyone is the same.


WOW we moved WAY past the topic at hand LOL LOL!

[black562]

Some things are unforgiveable. However, it's important to let things be in the past and know not everyone is the same.


WOW we moved WAY past the topic at hand LOL LOL!

Indeed it has.

And remember, the opposite of love isn't hate, its indifference. When you hear someone say "I hate my ex", they still have feelings for that person, almost always.

[tsing]

Indeed it has.

And remember, the opposite of love isn't hate, its indifference. When you hear someone say "I hate my ex", they still have feelings for that person, almost always.

Adding my two cents.. I look at my past relationships as learning experiences. I learned not to settle for a relationship that isn't good, just to be in one. That friendship is the basis for everything, because nothing else in a relationship can be as strong. If you're feeling used, confront the person who is using you and resolve it; or get out. Communication is a key part of a friendship and relationship, your friend and partner need to know where you're coming from; don't assume they know. People come into our lives for a reason, try and be open to what is happening; but don't give up your values and morals in the process. And lastly, good things happen in our lives at the right time; don't force it.

[starrzone]

Well, to make a long story short...I got sent a text that was not meant for me. Things are not looking good right now. Ugh.....just when I feel ready and let my guard down, THIS happens...

[TSBRN]

Well, to make a long story short...I got sent a text that was not meant for me. Things are not looking good right now. Ugh.....just when I feel ready and let my guard down, THIS happens...

I'm sorry to hear that happened to you :sad2:

Maybe you can laugh about it someday....I know I laugh about the mistaken text I received from another not so great eharmony match.

I had not yet even met this man in person, but plans were all in place for the first date in a few days. Then I receive this text at work "last night was great babe, it was great waking up next to you."

YUCK, YICK, YIKES. I HATE the use of the word babe.....and well, there was the mistaken text....but that was secondary to babe (just kidding, but I do hate the word babe).

Another non-match from eHarmony. I was just thankful I discovered what a jerk he was prior to actually meeting him!

Hang in there....there are lots of us who feel your pain. :grouphug:

[feistygalkmc]

A woman I work with has been doing the online dating thing for a while. She has met some doozies! She started at Yahoo personals and has tried just about all of the dating websites including craigs list. I'm not sure how/where she finds real people who aren't interested in 'other' on craigs list since that is what I see most of there! I tried yahoo personals when I first became single again after about 4 years and saw 1 person I was interested in. We met and he is a great guy as a friend but there was just no love connection there for either of us. Our conversations through text and myspace were great but in person that 'spark' just wasn't there.
I might try ok cupid, see how that goes. I took my yahoo personal account down there just weren't many people on there in my area. I looked at plenty of fish but the only kind of fish I saw were the ones interested in 'other' like on craigs list lol :rotfl2:

I also understand the whole picture thing, but what someone mentioned previously about co-workers seeing your picture or people you went to high school with. I get that completely as well, I would rather not have them snooping around my personal ad, it wouldn't be so bad if you could make it private like myspace but still show some info. I have made my yahoo profile unsearchable before, but then who is going to find you?

[Floydian]

Definition of player from a womans point of view = Man out here on dating site who is NOT looking for serious relationships but says he is when his profile should actually just say looking for dating....(and umm, I know someone that needs to reread his match.com:rolleyes1 ) He goes from woman to woman , and most of the time he is a real charmer, he does all the right things until someone that looks a little better in his eyes comes along and then he is off to the "next" one.... A player isnt a "bad guy" he's just someone that has no intention of settling down with just one woman because quite honestly that one right woman (in his eyes) would never give him the time of day(but he is too blind to realize that) so obviously he will never find her. So he has his "for this moment" gf, and its not that he treats her bad, but as soon as something new catches his eye and he can "have" it he dumps the old for the new.... A player does not end one relationship until he has someone else in the wings. A player is the guy who knows he isnt interested in a long term relationship with the woman he is currently with but instead of dumping her he strings her along because he hasnt found a new toy yet :rolleyes1 There are players, both male and female on this site and others, its a part of life. The important thing is to know a player when you see one and either be willing to "play" or dont get involved at all if you are the type to let your heart get involved.

From a guys point of view, and as a former "player wannabe" (I was never very good at it...honesty and respect got in the way too often), I'd say you just about nailed it, with a couple of fixes.

1) he does all the right things until someone that looks a little better in his eyes comes along and then he is off to the "next" one
I'd say that most commonly, as stupid as it sounds, it's simply someone "new"...a new face, new experiences, new challenges. You even said it yourself...
but as soon as something new catches his eye and he can "have" it he dumps the old for the new

2) because quite honestly that one right woman (in his eyes) would never give him the time of day(but he is too blind to realize that) so obviously he will never find her
I'd agree that this can be true in some cases. But in most, as in #1, it's usually about the "thrill of the chase". Players don't even consider relationships. They're not even thinking about your feelings. There was a phrase we used during my time that for me, was a very real "craving". Many a night I went out with the feeling that I "needed a fix". Sick, I know, but true.

Other than that, I'd say you're exactly right.

[SyracuseWolvrine]

Well, to make a long story short...I got sent a text that was not meant for me. Things are not looking good right now. Ugh.....just when I feel ready and let my guard down, THIS happens...

sorry to hear that ... my advice, forget about him and move on.

[nurse.darcy]

Sorry about the "misdirected" text message.

I know that Joe and Cindy were talking about loving yourself first. This is UTMOST. Make sure you know EXACTLY who you are and what you want from a relationship. I have said this before. But also, make sure you are comfortable and happy with YOU. Its MUCH easier to separate positive relationships from negative relationships when you KNOW you don't need a relationship to be happy. I am so comfortable with me that I am almost afraid to give up my independence. I do what makes me happy, go where I want to go, meet who I want to meet and I don't answer to ANYONE but me. I enjoy living my life and being me. Coworkers are jealous of me because I am so happy with my life the way it is. That being said, I find myself wanting someone to share it with now. I don't NEED anyone, but I WANT someone. . .that is the difference.

I am much pickier because I want and don't need. Its been a great adjustment. And wonderfully freeing. . .

[Bill Brown]

...I don't NEED anyone, but I WANT someone. . .that is the difference...Excellent to be able to make a distinction between wanting and needing. Society puts a lot of pressure on people to need someone in order to be complete. What a load of hogwash. Great when someone happens upon a person that perfectly compliments one's life. However, it's equally great to enjoy life solo or to share life with good friends. Who knows, a good friend might turn out to be the perfect life-partner.

[feistygalkmc]

I joined a couple of singles sites myself today, and guess what?? One of them was just meh...ok & the other one, I found that a relative of mine was on the site!! I immediately took my profile off the site lol
I haven't spoke to this relative in several years so I would hate to find out that we were checking each other out as a dating prospect online. I don't know whats worse, putting up your picture and just 'running into' a relative on an online dating site or not putting up your picture and when you arrange to meet you find out this wonderful charming guy you have been chatting up is your cousin that you used to play Super Mario with :rotfl2:

[sand2270]

I joined a couple of singles sites myself today, and guess what?? One of them was just meh...ok & the other one, I found that a relative of mine was on the site!! I immediately took my profile off the site lol
I haven't spoke to this relative in several years so I would hate to find out that we were checking each other out as a dating prospect online. I don't know whats worse, putting up your picture and just 'running into' a relative on an online dating site or not putting up your picture and when you arrange to meet you find out this wonderful charming guy you have been chatting up is your cousin that you used to play Super Mario with :rotfl2:

LOL reminds me of the scene in Must Love Dogs where she is on a blind date with her dad! EWWWWW!!!

[ttester9612]

LOL reminds me of the scene in Must Love Dogs where she is on a blind date with her dad! EWWWWW!!!

I was just thinking that same thing....:lmao:

[acm563]

From a guys point of view, and as a former "player wannabe" (I was never very good at it...honesty and respect got in the way too often), I'd say you just about nailed it, with a couple of fixes.

1)
I'd say that most commonly, as stupid as it sounds, it's simply someone "new"...a new face, new experiences, new challenges. You even said it yourself...


2)
I'd agree that this can be true in some cases. But in most, as in #1, it's usually about the "thrill of the chase". Players don't even consider relationships. They're not even thinking about your feelings. There was a phrase we used during my time that for me, was a very real "craving". Many a night I went out with the feeling that I "needed a fix". Sick, I know, but true.

Other than that, I'd say you're exactly right.

..and unfortunately I learned it all the hard way...:rotfl:


and let me add yet another story...hahah...i have my ads still on a lot of the sites but honestly never do anything with it but maybe read the emails and return them with a thank you but I am not interested...but one guy did catch my eye and my ear and so we started conversing, talked online and on phone then agreed what the heck, why wait lets meet.... BLAH! :rotfl2: We had absolutely nothing in common in reality, he didnt look like his picture, but I dont think it was a deliberate misrepresentation, he just looked better in pics than in person. The only thing he wanted to discuss was how he thought I looked...and on and on..and while I like compliments I dont want an obsessive amt of them that make me feel like a piece of meat. The point is tho, it wasnt there, it was a nice enough albeit boring evening and I went my way and he went his without getting what he obviously came for. If you are going to do the online thing you honestly have to keep a sense of humor about it as well... It is what it is.......... Just dont ever settle because all you meet are frogs....its just not worth it, whether you are male or female... I have been in relationships and 90% miserable and I have been and am single and 90% happy, I prefer being happy...

[Belle1962]

Well, I am finding this thread interesting. After almost five years divorced (after 15 years of marriage) I have been thinking about online dating. My main problem: I am really an introvert. I don't do well in chat rooms (heck--I can't even keep up with the chatter on the threads here ;) ) I won't post my picture because well--as stated---there are weirdos out there.

I am at peace with myself, have forgiven my ex, and at a good place to start living for myself now. I don't go to bars/dance clubs (although I love to dance) and I work in an all female office. Overall, where I work there are plenty of married-divorced-remarried co-workers type situations but I'm pretty old school about not fishing from the same pond where I work. (Although my boss did try to hook me up with a friend of his)

Anyway I find everyone's insights helpful.

[Disneyfan63]

Hi,

I actually belong to an offline "introduction" service on which I've had several dates and one relationship, but have not met "The Right One" (which is actually the name of the service). I've found out quite a few things about myself and the service. When I joined it in October, 2007 and filled out the questionnaire, I explained to my counselor, Shannon, that I wanted to have a long-term relationship; but failing that, I wanted to date more than "once a year if I was lucky". Because I don't drive, The Right One guaranteed me only three dates (matches) a year during my 18-date (match) membership, which includes an option to put my membership "on hold" for up to 12 months if I want to pursue a relationship with one of my matches. I had one match in 2007 and five matches last year.

The relationship I had with Ingrid, my first match, ended in June, 2008 when I told her that I wanted to date around--I had not put my membership on hold. That declaration backfired spectacularly when Ingrid not only told me off, I didn't get a single match from the Right One from May through the end of December. The woman with whom I was matched then, Sandra, believes in "love at first sight", didn't feel it with me when we met on January 4, 2009, and told me that I'm very negative, and that is why I am not in and don't believe I can have a romantic relationship.

The only woman to ever make me shiver when she put her arm around me (for a photo) in August, 1989 was a woman from San Diego named Kirsten. It felt like a shock and I thought that I was very attracted to her. The attraction wasn't mutual--she married someone else--and I now think that if I ever have that kind of reaction again, I would probably be very upset.

I think I am happy being single. I have given up online dating because I find that bad things, such as getting dumped or robbed, happen to me when I chase women around the internet. So far things are working out with The Right One because I am getting three more dates a year than I would get on my own. When the contract ends, probably when I'm 50 years old, I'll finally hang up my spikes.

Jim

[GrumpyOne]

In a lot of ways, I'm glad that the online dating site phenomenon doesn't really apply to me, I've heard too many bad stories and just a few good ones.

I've never been much of a player, never really had the knack for it when I was younger and no desire for the drama now. Leisure suit and gold chains? Not really my style :lmao: I'd much rather meet people I have something in common with or through friends.

But, to add another guy's PoV, if I was perusing an online dating site, I don't think I'd pay much attention to the profiles without pictures, probably preferring the average looking girl over the one that wrote well but didn't include a pic, asking myself "what is she hiding?" Of course, I would post a pic in the same case; I try not to be a hypocrite. ;)