PDA

View Full Version : I don't know what to do with my DD, I'm ready to sell her on ebay! (long)


roliepolieoliefan
09-19-2008, 02:57 PM
Of course, I'm just kidding, but seriously I don't know what to do with her.

She will be 5 in 2 weeks. There are times she is such a sweet little girl and other times. :eek: I want to ring her neck. She had some problems with 2 little girls in our neighborhood. They were mean to her and one mom of the little girls told me all this mean stuff my DD said to her DD. I didn't believe her, but with my DD's actions lately I'm beginning to wonder.

Today I got together with my friend, her DD and mine are the same age. They don't see each other alot but get along well. We went to the local playground. Big place, 3 sections. The other mom and I were talking checking where they were, then I couldn't see either one. I get up to go look and an older lady comes over and says is that your daughter? I say yea. She told me she threw a rock at her granddaughter and when she told her to stop , my DD threw one at grandma.

I asked DD if she did it she said yea. I wanted to talk to her at the playground but she started the screaming and wouldn't sit, so i told my friend we were leaving and I went to the car. DD won't let me leave her so she followed. I got her in and she was hysterical because she didn't want to leave. I try to talk to her again, she wouldn't so I started pulling away.

I'm still in the parking lot, but DD yells I don't want to leave unbuckles herself and opens the car door. I jam the vehicle in park , get out and open her door, and I grabbed her by the shoulders and told her to sit down and I think I yelled something not so nice. I know I should have calmed down but she had me so upset. I turn around to leave and a County policeman is sitting there and asks me if everything is OK. OMG!!!! I say yea she's having a tantrum and we leave.

She threatens to unbuckle herself 2 more times on the way home but doesn't. I'm still shaking. She is in her room, barewalled. I cleared every toy and stuffed animal out and told her I didn't know when she could come out. I talked to her again. She said she doesn't know why she threw the rock at the girl and didn't throw a rock at grandma just put her hand back like she was ( like that makes a difference) I talked to her about what could have happenedwhen she opened the car door but I don't think she fully understands.

I told her no friends, no playdates indefinetly . And I'm not sure when she's coming out of her room, (maybe in 10 years) . She gets punished for her behavior, timeouts, sitting in the corner, taking privlages away, nothing works.

Lstar311
09-19-2008, 03:04 PM
Unfortunately I don't have any advice for you bc my lo is only 1. I just wanted to give you a :hug: That would figure that the police man would have been right there!! Oh boy, you just gave me a lot to look forward to.

Hmm, could something else be bothering her? Has there been any major changes in her life? Death, divorce, move, new baby, new school? Maybe something else has her upset and is causing her to act out. Good luck, I hope that your sweet girl is back soon.

goofyrhodie
09-19-2008, 03:06 PM
Ohhhhh I feel your pain!!!:hug: I have had the same situations you find yourself in right now. Not my CHERUB!!!! lol - seriously - it is not fun!!

You have to give punishment and STICK WITH IT!! She needs to know her behavior is not acceptable and will not be tolerated anymore!!!

I take it that you are not a spanker?? I do not use it often but when I have to, a good swat on the behind does wonders. I only spank if it is completly called for and I never spank when I am angry. Spanking is punishment not retaliation or anger.

My daughter is growing up and we have kind of out grown this behavior (Thank you Lord). Your daughter will too.

Most often it is harder on us to discipline than it is on them but children want and need it! Stick with it Mom - it will be better for her!!

Take care, take a break, and good luck!! Give that sweet girl a hug from us too!!!:hug:

MyDizneyBoyz
09-19-2008, 03:25 PM
Gotta love this age... NOT! :rotfl:

In addition to the old stand-bys of consistent, firm rules and boundaries with consequences, also try rewarding good behavior more often.

I had the hardest time getting my oldest to hold a door for the person behind him (usually his little brothers) and nagging, making him apologize to his brother after letting the door slam in his face, etc. didn't work. What did work was giving him a nickel to drop into his piggy bank every time he remembered to not let a door slam behind him until everyone was inside.

Tackling bad behavior from both sides tends to work best in my experience. Praise the good behavior, no matter how minor, and provide consequences for the more severe bad behaviors. I think increasing the praise side of things during particularly bad spells helps keep things in balance. I give lots of little praises (thanks for being a good listener, thanks for putting your shoes away nicely) and in our case it seems to make a positive difference.

Good luck and hang in there! Sending you lots of pixie dust for patience. :wizard:

Mouse House Mama
09-19-2008, 04:01 PM
Not to flame but you said that another parent told you that she was being fresh and you said you didn't believe her. Perhaps this behavior has been going on for some time and you haven't noticed? I would make her accountable for her actions. Make her apologize. Make her write a letter of apology. Make her have zero fun stuff to do. Do not give in. You need to be consistent. Good luck.:hug:

MandM-Mom
09-19-2008, 04:08 PM
I think your daughters twin lives in my house:rotfl:

I know exactly how you feel because my dd4 is testing the waters lately with us too! She pulled a disappearing act last thursday that resulted in me calling 911 because I was convinced she was stolen..... It was 8:30 at night and I went to check on her in her bed like I do every night and nobody so We searched and searched and no dd so after 15 minutes I called 911. She turned up 45 minutes later covered in a black sharpie marker hiding somewhere in the house we are yet to discover, when I find that marker I will know her secret spot. I asked her if she heard us yelling she said no because she had her ears plugged because me and daddy were yelling to loud, yeah we were yelling I thought you were kidnapped:confused3

Kids, They definitely keep you on your toes don't they! Good Luck, Hang in there I would love to say it gets better, but I don't want to give us false hopes:goodvibes

snowman1035
09-19-2008, 04:32 PM
Our DGS3 was in the mall to get his pictures taken and he would just not sit still or listen, but we finally did get the pictures done. While we were looking at the proofs, his mom told him to sit and he just wouldn't so papa took him out to the truck. He screamed the whole way out there. Long story short, papa was followed by a store clerk and ask if things were ok. The clerk even went as far as writing our license plate down. DH was not happy, but thought the store clerk was on his toes. Sometimes they just push the buttons and keep pushing!

roliepolieoliefan
09-19-2008, 04:52 PM
Not to flame but you said that another parent told you that she was being fresh and you said you didn't believe her. Perhaps this behavior has been going on for some time and you haven't noticed? I would make her accountable for her actions. Make her apologize. Make her write a letter of apology. Make her have zero fun stuff to do. Do not give in. You need to be consistent. Good luck.:hug:

I'm not going into the long involved story but there is a reason I didn't believe her. DD had a whole lot of trouble with the other moms daughter and it was pretty bad. Like I said, there is way more to the story, and now I'm sure my DD probably did say some of the things the other mom told me she did, but if you knew the other little girl and mom, you would understand some of it may have been justified Plus the other girl is far from the innocent victim. :rolleyes:

DD may be acting out to get attention. I'm working more and we did move, but that was almost one year ago.

One of the little boys just called to see if DD could play, I just told him no, she was tired tonight and was going to stay in.

Thx for all the hugs :hug: I'm expecting CYS to knock on my door at anytime now and haul both kids away.

My DS (9) was and still is so easy going . How could siblings be such a 180 of each other?

eliza61
09-19-2008, 09:10 PM
I'm not going into the long involved story but there is a reason I didn't believe her. DD had a whole lot of trouble with the other moms daughter and it was pretty bad. Like I said, there is way more to the story, and now I'm sure my DD probably did say some of the things the other mom told me she did, but if you knew the other little girl and mom, you would understand some of it may have been justified Plus the other girl is far from the innocent victim. :rolleyes:

DD may be acting out to get attention. I'm working more and we did move, but that was almost one year ago.

One of the little boys just called to see if DD could play, I just told him no, she was tired tonight and was going to stay in.

Thx for all the hugs :hug: I'm expecting CYS to knock on my door at anytime now and haul both kids away.

My DS (9) was and still is so easy going . How could siblings be such a 180 of each other?


First, stick to your guns. No matter what the reasons, she cannot handle her disappointments violently.

Don't worry about child services, if that was the case I would have been locked up a long time ago with my 2 "darlinngs"

Unfortunately if you think this is bad, wait until they are teenagers. :mad: :headache: Mine sons are 17 & 13 and they are going to college. Not because I'm concerned about their future but because they are driving me 'freaking crazy and I want them out of my house. :mad:

Mouse House Mama
09-19-2008, 09:21 PM
I'm not going into the long involved story but there is a reason I didn't believe her. DD had a whole lot of trouble with the other moms daughter and it was pretty bad. Like I said, there is way more to the story, and now I'm sure my DD probably did say some of the things the other mom told me she did, but if you knew the other little girl and mom, you would understand some of it may have been justified Plus the other girl is far from the innocent victim. :rolleyes:

DD may be acting out to get attention. I'm working more and we did move, but that was almost one year ago.

One of the little boys just called to see if DD could play, I just told him no, she was tired tonight and was going to stay in.

Thx for all the hugs :hug: I'm expecting CYS to knock on my door at anytime now and haul both kids away.

My DS (9) was and still is so easy going . How could siblings be such a 180 of each other?
Oh, sorry, I didn't realize there was more to the story. Maybe she really just wants some more attention? It's hard when the days go by so fast but maybe even letting her help you make dinner etc. Kids love to help and it would be some time spent doing something with you as well. Good luck and this too shall pass.:hug:

Luv Bunnies
09-19-2008, 09:39 PM
I have some experience with these kinds of behaviors. My oldest son has Asperger's Syndrome which causes anxiety and problems with impulse control. We worked with a psychologist to control some of his behaviors and I learned a lot of techniques from our sessions. I also work in a special needs preschool class and we see just about every behavior you can imagine!

The same behavior management techniques work for any child, special needs or not. The pricipals are exactly the same. Afterall, kids are kids!

It sounds like your DD is very strong-willed and stubborn. She wants to control situations with her behavior. Taking off her seatbelt is an example. She knew she could control your actions - you would stop the car and that's what she wanted. She also sounds impulsive. She doesn't think through the consequences of her actions - like pretending to throw a rock at a grown-up.

First, choose just one behavior that you would like to correct. Perhaps it's talking back, throwing toys, refusing to comply with your requests, etc. Each and every time she exhibits that particular behavior, you have to call her on it. For example, you tell her to pick up her toys and she says no. Tell her again, in as few word as possible, to pick up her toys. If she still refuses take her by the hand and "motor" her through the process of picking up her toys. Even if her hand hangs limp, move her hands through the action of picking up the toys and putting them away (even though you're the one actually doing it). Take one preferred toy and put it away where she can't get to it. Tell her the toy will be given back to her if she picks up her toys by herself next time. Remember not to use a lot of words. Don't let her engage you in an argument. Stay cool. Just tell her that's how it's going to be. Next time, if she does pick up her toys on the first request, the toy will come out of lock-up. If not, motor her through the process again and take away another toy.

She will likely scream and kick and resist the process. If she runs away, you have to go and get her. Never give in to the behavior you're targeting. She needs to know that it will never, ever win. She will not get out of complying with your request for any reason. You have to stand firm. Our impulse, as parents, is to pick up the toys ourselves so we can get some peace and quiet. Try to resist that urge. Dig in your heels. She will dig hers in, too. That particular behavior will likely get worse before it gets better because she will test you to see if you can take it. But, you'll eventually see it get better and better until it's virtually gone. Then you'll be ready to target another behavior.

We did this with my son and his screaming when he didn't want to do something. I would tell him to get off the computer and get in the car to go shopping. He would scream and yell and refuse and say he wasn't done with his game. I would tell him to stop the game now and get in the car. When he calmed down, I would explain that if he had asked in a nice tone if he could have 5 more minutes, I would have said yes. But since he chose to yell at me, the computer was over now. After about 2 weeks, he was asking nicely if he could finish and the yelling was virtually gone. Almost like magic! He's doing so well that we stopped seeing the psych last year. We were thrilled!

Good luck with your DD. I think you'll do fine!:)

snow88
09-20-2008, 12:05 AM
First, stick to your guns. No matter what the reasons, she cannot handle her disappointments violently.

Don't worry about child services, if that was the case I would have been locked up a long time ago with my 2 "darlinngs"

Unfortunately if you think this is bad, wait until they are teenagers. :mad: :headache: Mine sons are 17 & 13 and they are going to college. Not because I'm concerned about their future but because they are driving me 'freaking crazy and I want them out of my house. :mad:

Mine are 17 and 13 too. The 13 yr old looks like 19 and thinks that he is that age too. They are driving me crazy. I'm a single mother and after our Disney vacation in September I swore that next vacation he stays home with his father. :)

luvmikids
09-20-2008, 08:47 AM
I actually bought a book called change your kid by Friday. Can't remember the Author. it has some good points but you really need to stick with the plan. My 6 year old can be a challenge and I have created that to some extent. he is my baby and he knows what buttons to push, boy they learn early on how to manipulate. Timeouts for the behavior issues, if he risks his life or others the punishment deserves a stronger consequence (ie sticking something in a electrical outlet) I now take his gaming privileges away he is only allowed to play video games on the weekend for one hour a day but if he has done something I do not appreciated or has bad behavior at school he no longer has that privilege so far it is working. good luck

laughinplace199
09-20-2008, 10:30 AM
I don't really have any advice that hasn't been offered already, but I just had to laugh at the title of your post. "eBay" was the nickname that DH & I used (privately, of course) for DS7 when he went through the terrible two's (which, incidentally, started at age 1 and ended at 4 or 5 :scared1: ).

We always remained consistent with our expecatations for his behavior, and we were also consistent with time-outs / consequences when he did not behave. It was really hard, but it paid off and he's much better now.

One thing I have noticed with him is that his "challenging" behavior seems to occur whenever there is a change in his life. School ending, school starting, etc. Once he settles back into a routine, his behavior goes back to normal.

Good luck and know that you're not alone. I think the eBay idea has crossed most parents minds at one point or another. :rotfl:

Disneymom2kiddos
09-20-2008, 11:47 AM
I feel your pain totally. Last night DH and I took DD5 to Target to get a new coffee maker, and she always wants to climb on the big red balls out front when we go. I told her we would do it on the way out and she was fine with that UNTIL on the way out she wanted something to drink and the counter service was already closed. YIKES. She started screaming "I want a drink" at the top of her lungs. She had a drink in the car BTW, and knew that. DH decided she was not being good enough to climb on the big red balls, so he picked her up kicking and screaming to the car. The target manager followed us out to the car and asked if everything was ok. DD has ADHD and is fairly impulsive at times too, but she knows right from wrong. Long story short, when she calmed down and apologized for crying and screaming she was fine. I just make her accountable for her behavior and have HER tell me why she thinks she isn't getting her way. It's like pulling teeth to get her to admit what she did was wrong, but when she does admit it, and tell us she is sorry we drop it. She still didn't get to go on the "Target Balls", but she understands next time if she behaves she will get to do it.

brandylouwho
09-20-2008, 03:17 PM
:hug: My DD will be 5 in Dec and she is an emotional rollercoaster & strong willed. So sweet, smart, grown up and helpful one minute, and the devil herself the next minute. Between 6am and noon today I think we had 4 major tantrums, but yet we didn't have any all last week :confused3 -it was such a nice week I should have known it couldn't last forever.

I have no great advice other than what has already been said--consistency and don't back down. I know it is hard not to lose it yourself. Putting her in her "stripped down" room was a good choice so YOU could calm down a bit too--away from the situation. I know if I feel like screaming (or on occassion I do scream a bit) that I need to count to 10 or whatever and get a grip myself.

badblackpug
09-20-2008, 03:18 PM
The only advice I can offer is don't "talk to her" while the situation is occuring. Make the punishment swift. If she is throwing rocks at the park remove er immediately with as little words and emotions as possible. "We are leaving now because you are throwing rocks." Discuss her behavior AFTER when everyone is calmer. She is old enough to understand cause and effect. Give her a punishment and explain to her why. "You will not be able to out to play for 3 days because you threw rocks at the park."
IMHO he best thing is consistency, consistency, consistency. ALWAYS punish bad behavior immediately and every time.

disneymom2003
09-20-2008, 08:37 PM
I honestly don't know how moms these days do it. When my kids were little (now 36,32,21,18) if they acted like that they got their bottom spanked. Now I know all the books say not to do that and your neighbor may call social services on you but it worked for my kids. That's not to say we didn't have our issues because we did. Another thing we did was to let them know what was acceptable and what wasn't. The rules were very clear. Consistency is also VERY important. And when they do behave in a good way praise, praise, praise. I am so glad I don't have little ones any more.

kaysmommie
09-20-2008, 09:03 PM
:hug: I do remember my DD having a few bratty moments when she was 5. Usually over nothing and just trying to get my attention. It never got out of hand though because she knows I won't tolerate it. Sounds like you are doing your best, just be consistent and I'm sure this phase will pass. We only use time outs for DS and take privelages away from DD but with that said if my child opened the car door while it moving I would probably give them a spank on their behind. Something that is dangerous is where I draw the line. But I'm not in your shoes so I don't really know what I would do, just want to offer some support and suggestions. There are lots of good suggestions posted above too.

roliepolieoliefan
09-20-2008, 09:12 PM
I probably would have spanked DD right there in the parking lot of he playground, if the county cop wasn't standing there when I turned around. :rolleyes:

DH and I don't like to spank but as a last ditch effort I am not immuned to the idea. I guess I should knock on wood, but DD has been good all day today. We went to the neighborhood block party today and she played with almost the whole neighborhood and got along well with everyone, even the little girl she had previous problems with.

I know I need to be more consistent with her . Thing is alot of times I do let DD slide if my DS is along because if she is bad , he gets punished too, if you know what I mean. At the playground he wasn't with us so I was able to remove her immediately. I have to follow up and stick to my guns, this is the only way to get through to her.

Thank you for all the kind words and :hug: . I was a very difficult child and teen. I'm sure my grandmother who raised me , sent me my dear beloved DD from above as payback. ;)

kaysmommie
09-20-2008, 09:32 PM
I probably would have spanked DD right there in the parking lot of he playground, if the county cop wasn't standing there when I turned around. :rolleyes:

DH and I don't like to spank but as a last ditch effort I am not immuned to the idea. I guess I should knock on wood, but DD has been good all day today. We went to the neighborhood block party today and she played with almost the whole neighborhood and got along well with everyone, even the little girl she had previous problems with.

I know I need to be more consistent with her . Thing is alot of times I do let DD slide if my DS is along because if she is bad , he gets punished too, if you know what I mean. At the playground he wasn't with us so I was able to remove her immediately. I have to follow up and stick to my guns, this is the only way to get through to her.

Thank you for all the kind words and :hug: . I was a very difficult child and teen. I'm sure my grandmother who raised me , sent me my dear beloved DD from above as payback. ;)

:laughing: That is something that would happen to me, the county cop standing there while one of my kids has a tantrum. I completely understand about not wanting to punish the other child(DS) who didn't do anything wrong. At least care about your family and want things to get better with your DD. She will be fine :hug: just try to be as consitent as you can. You seem like a good patient mom and she will learn from you.

luvwdwfla2
09-21-2008, 02:56 PM
It must be the age because my DS5 is giving me a run for my money as well. One minute so helpful and cuddly and the next stubborn and disrespectful. This past summer was awful. I actually went back to his Pre K teacher wondering if she had seen anythning before graduation. To make a long story short she felt a lot must be getting ready for new school and lack of a schedule during summer. She was right about that my kid definetly does better when he knows what to expect. Did your DD just start school? Other then that try to stay consistent. Believe me I feel your pain and I am not always the best about keeping my cool. Can't wait to get thru this phase to see what is next:rolleyes:

ksumn1
09-21-2008, 05:57 PM
I feel your pain. I have a now 5yr yr old who's just like your DD. Actually did the exact same thing to me on day leaving the ball field. Time to leave the playground and she didn't want to go. Picked her up kicking and screaming, carried her across to the parking area. Put her in the car and she slipped out as I was putting the ball stuff in the back...ran ACROSS the ROAD before I could catch up to her. I DID spank her and there was actually a police officer within 10 feet of me. SHe called to him to "HELP HELP, MY Mommy's hurting me" :scared: His son is on my DD's tball team and he bent down eye level with her and said (Either you calm down and go with your Mom and behave or you can go with me...to the jailhouse" :worship: She decided to go with me. About halfway home she started her fit again, unbuckled and smacked me in the back of the head. I didn't dare spank her at that point because I was tooo angry and was too upset to really think clearly. I put her car seat in the front seat, rebuckled her drove home one handed and covering the buckle with the other. My older DD ( 9 ) was with us and when we got home she took DD (4) to her room to talk to her. I don't know what she said to her but she came to me 10 minutes later crying and apologizing for being ugly. And then she also had to tell my DH when he came home. And he spanked her again.

I rarely spank DD. Usually we take away priveledges like TV, movies or video games. Or a time out depending on if it's minor or major and whether it's bad behavior or just tired etc. You have to be consistent and hardest of all, you can't let her behavior upset you. Much easier said than done. There have been a couple of times (like above) when I have to remove myself and her form each others presence and take a minute to calm down and think about the situation. Does she misbehave for your DH (or her Dad) also. Or are you the lucky one??;) My DD rarely misbehaves for DH who's much stricter, louder and less forgiving. So I've had to start being more strict as well. If you give ehr an inch, she'll take a mile. Anyway, good luck...it does get better. Until they're teenagers :eek:

JimmyJr'sMom
09-21-2008, 06:16 PM
That is outrageous behavior. Note- You DO NOT hit in anger, you spank to make a point, and sear it into their memory.
*Throwing rocks at other young children or adults is a spanking violation.:scared1:
*Attempting to get out of a moving car is most definetly a spanking violation.:scared1:

However, your child should not be able to get you so frustrated and wound up that you are shaking. They are kids. They misbehave. Don't take it so personal. :thumbsup2
You are in charge. You are in control. Don't let her take the power away from you. Stay Calm. Be Firm. BE CONSISTENT. She may just be testing you.

PS- You have to punish kids this young RIGHT when they misbehave. Doesn't have the same impact later.

roliepolieoliefan
09-21-2008, 09:34 PM
DD is an equal opportunity bad girl. She will be bad for anyone, myself, my DH, or my mom (who watches her when I work) depending on her mood.

It seems I get the blunt end of it though because she's with me 90% of the time. It seems today she is actually quite embarassed of her actions from last Friday. I dropped my DS off at scouts tonight and DD and I went to visit my cousin who is my DD's Godmother. I said to DD why don't you tell your God mother what you did on Friday.

Well DD said No please mommy don't tell her. I did though and she wouldn't even look at my cousin. My cousin talked to her about her behavior and DD told her Godmother , I know I have to not act like that anymore.

"fingers crossed" Its been so far so good, so we'll see what this week brings.