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View Full Version : "who Bit My Little Girl!?!?!"


ekball
09-19-2008, 11:39 AM
I want to drive down to my DD's school, march right in her Kindergarten class, throw my hands on my hips, give my best glaring stare and say just that! :mad: I've read plenty of posts just like this on the Families board, but never really understood how those moms and dads felt, well now I do! I just got a call from the school nurse who let me know that a little girl in DD's Kindy class bit her on the hand when she wouldn't give up what she was playing with. Wah?! I thought we were done with biting at age 2?! The rational mom in me wants to understand that they are still little and sometimes lack the ability to calmly solve a disagreement. Then there's the irrational mommy that wants to march down there, grab that little girl by the shirt and give her what for (a good lecture that is)! Man - this school thing sure is hard on mommy (not to mention my poor little girl....nurse said she was pretty upset and sad that someone would bite her). :guilty:

madmom1030
09-19-2008, 11:57 AM
Your dd may not know the name of the little girl who bit her, especially if she has only been in school a couple of weeks, so she couldn't tell the nurse who but she can probably pick her out if she was in the room with her.

I'm sorry this happened, they should know better by the time they are 5. You need to call the teacher and leave her a message. I bet she knows who it is or has a pretty good idea. Stay calm and take some deep breaths.

Patti_C
09-19-2008, 12:10 PM
I've got a 5 year old in my daycare who still bites, usually only his older brother, but still! I get so frustrated over it to that I just want to scream. It only takes one time to be bit and have the skin broke, that's what scares me. Hope she is okay and you too!

ekball
09-19-2008, 12:15 PM
They definitely know who it was as the nurse let me know that she talked at length with the biter, tried to get her to show some remorse and when she wouldn't sternly told the little girl "we do NOT bite to solve our disagreements!". I'm sure DD will let me know who it was when she gets home. I'm sure we'll all be fine. It's just disappointing and upsetting. *sigh* All a part of growing up I'm sure.

I didn't ask at the time, but I sure hope someone is calling her mom or dad to tell THEM what happened. I know that I would want to know if it was my child doing the biting.

Miss LD
09-19-2008, 12:38 PM
My son is in JK. He's been biting.
It's awful because he's been over this stage for almost 2 years now, but being in a new place and with new routines, etc is really hard on him.
We're working with him to get him over it, but as a parent it sucks because you feel horrible about it. I'm not excusing his behaviour at all.
I know with DS he's sometimes so angry or upset at the time, that he won't show remorse. When he's upset enough that he's biting he's pretty much beyond the point of discussing it or acting remorseful.
It's usually when he's calmed down and we talk to him about it that he is sorry.
just to clarify - "When he's upset enough that he's biting" - I don't mean by the other child I just mean by the stress of school.

Camno's Mama
09-19-2008, 12:55 PM
Mine are almost three and five. Every once in a while the 2 year old will bite. He has no reason to, he has a pretty good vocabulary. He bit his older brother not too long ago. Then, a couple of days ago, the older one bit him. I was so mad...I really don't want my 5 year old biting! Who would, right? And he's not physical with his little brother, for the most part. He's usually great at using his words, etc. In school, he's incredibly sweet from what I can understand from his teachers...he was just having bad day that day.

Sometimes they just do weird things. Who knows why. They see that it works when younger siblings do it, so they figure, "hey, I'll give it a try, too". The teacher won't tell you who it is...I used to work in a preschool/day care, and it's not allowed. In the long run, maybe it's better if you don't know. That could end up being her best friend, and the sweetest little sugar puff in the world...most of the time! :rotfl:

Anytime they're in a large group, stuff happens. Just take a deep breath, and wait and see. It'll proabably never happen again.

santa's surpriz
09-19-2008, 01:06 PM
I will never forget the day I picked up my daughter with purple teeth marks on her wrist. It took about a month to heal. I was so angry but the child who bit her was the teacher's daughter! It is so disgruntling when your children get hurt especially when it is over something like a toy.

RMulieri
09-19-2008, 01:12 PM
It is common for moms to be upset.My child has been the biter and the bitee, and she is 4.Kids even as old as 5 y/o still bite, if they are frustrated or in a new environment etc.Not saying it is right, but it happens.AS for the school not telling you who bit her, that may be policy.i know here they do not disclose that info, unless there are medical or health reasons,simply to prevent retaliation on the offending child and parent.Sadly, we had a Mom whose child was bitten, and when they told her which child was the offender, she screamed at the child, and pretty much got into a fist fight with the Mom.So it may be to protect all parties involved.I am sure the offending Child's mom/dad/parent was notified.

disykat
09-19-2008, 02:14 PM
Just wait. Believe it or not, it continues. My son was biten once and you'll never believe how old he was. 7th grade - that's right - 7th grade! The biter was 13. I think he got suspended. (There's no way to know due to privacy concerns, but my son told me he was gone the next several days.)

nikkers
09-19-2008, 02:22 PM
I feel so bad for your little girl. I agree 5 seems a little old. I don't know how it works in elementary school. But in my kid's daycare center if your child bites another child you are told. You are never told who they bit. My son was a terrible biter at around 18 months. We had many biting reports. My daughter has been the bitee many times in her 2 year old class. We are never told who does the biting, but always told when it occurs. I would hope they advise that child's parents. They need to also deal with it. At 5 you are old enough to know better. Maybe you can verify with the teacher, that the other child's parents will be advised of the situation?

mjantz
09-19-2008, 03:03 PM
To agree with others, in biting situations the privacy of both children has to be protected. They cannot tell the girls parents who their DD bit & cannot tell you who bit your DD. If she tells you that's OK (of course) but the school cannot tell you. We notify both parents so I'm sure they've were told.

Poohbear Family
09-19-2008, 03:36 PM
I'm so sorry for your DD. I think that 5 is a little old to be biting. DS was bitten once in daycare (he was about 3 at the time). Let me say, you are handling this MUCH better than I did. When they called, I asked what precautions they were taking to make sure this didn't happen again, were the other child's parents notified and did the bite break the skin because if it broke the skin, then I wanted medical records to make sure that the child had nothing that could be transferred via saliva or open wounds. I just completely freaked out since I never received a phone call like that before.

AuroraBeauty
09-19-2008, 03:48 PM
Due to confidentiality and privacy, the school CAN NOT disclose the name of any child to another parent in an incident report. If your DD can describe the other child or point to her/him in a photo then you'll know. It is important to know who this other child is who bit your DD.

My DD had a number of incidents where other kids in her class injured her and the school did nothing! Few Kindys have 'zero tolerance' and so they just let the problem continue. They tell the other kids' parents who probably feel terrible for a hot second and then forget about it b/c their precious baby is now beating up/biting/kicking/hitting the sibling so they don't have time to deal with you and your child.

Make note of the incident and photograph any evidence and note any adverse reaction DD has. Also, keep tabs on whether this other child is biting other kids or just your daughter. If the other kid keeps biting and the school does nothing then you should consider taking action.

Be sure to let DD know that she didn't do anything that warrants being bitten and that biting is wrong and that if it happens again that she needs to tell the teacher and to tell you.

I know what you must be feeling and going through. Unfortunately, not all children are taught proper behavior before being sent off to school. I know kids will be kids, so don't start with the flames. But, really, there is no reason that small children can't learn that biting is wrong. And as for that 13 year old who was biting, he deserved to be suspended. At that age it's assault, not just a kid being a kid.

happymommy
09-19-2008, 04:07 PM
I was just reading this, with my eyes wide open - Oh My God!

I have never heard of a child biting another one at school!!!!!

I hope the child that did this had to apologize first of all.

I would not want my child in the same classroom with a child that could hurt them. I know teasing and things can happen, but hurting?

I am so sorry that happened. Since I have no experience with public schools, I don't know what can be done. Obviously, that child should be punished somehow, maybe suspended? I mean, biting to cause harm - that is way over the limit. I wouldn't want my child in that classroom if the other child was there anymore - and maybe you can talk to the school to make sure that happens. That is just so unacceptable.

Oh, and if I ran a daycare and had a child that bit, I think I'd just not accept that child there anymore. Biting can cause serious harm.

AuroraBeauty
09-19-2008, 05:26 PM
HAPPYMOMMY, sadly, it happens in private schools too. DD was in a very fine language immersion school and not only did another child bite her (on more than one occasion), the same child threatened to kill her and then described what weapons he was going to bring.

Want to know what the school did on every single occasion? NOTHING! I got a note (sometimes) but they used the excuse that 'kids will be kids'. Tell that to a 4yr old who thinks school is where you go and get hurt by other kids.

Some schools are better than others, but we do live in a world where the motto is 'Everyone for himself'. It's a sad state of our education system.

Bullying starts out very early and those parents of bully children usually know that their child can and will hurt another child but many of them choose to ignore it -- just like they do at home. And years later they wonder why their child has social problems. You are your child's protector. DO NOT FEEL BAD FIGHTING FOR YOUR CHILD!

We put a lot of trust in the schools, teachers, administrators and other parents. If that trust is broken, don't ignore it.

happymommy
09-19-2008, 05:33 PM
Yes, I agree. First of all, private schools have the some of the same problems as public (sex, bullying, etc...). When my kids spent 2 years in a religious school, they both encountered bullying. Now, in a non religious college prep school, there is none of that. Go figure????

Also, I agree totally, don't feel bad FIGHTING for your child! It's a rough world out there, but they shouldn't be hurt at school, and the school will only know what's up and how you feel if you tell them. I think the OP should feel free to speak up totally!

It's A Small World
09-19-2008, 06:14 PM
My DD was the target of the biter in her daycare class. I'm not kidding when I say I picked her up one day and she had a nasty bite on her right hand. You could count the number of teeth due to the bite indentation. I picked her up the next day and she had a matching one on her left hand. Needless to say I was ticked off! I marched right into the center's directors office and calmly asked her to please tell me how many offenses it took in order to get kicked out due to biting. She tried to tell me that the little girl offender had a new baby brother at home and she was acting out. I happened to be days from delivering my second. I calmly asked her that I had a hard time accepting that after the birth of my second that my DD would turn into a biter.

I can honestly tell you that DD constantly asks me if "insert name of girl" is going to the same preschool as her because she didn't want to be bit again. It definately was traumatic for her and I.

Miss LD
09-19-2008, 06:52 PM
Due to confidentiality and privacy, the school CAN NOT disclose the name of any child to another parent in an incident report. If your DD can describe the other child or point to her/him in a photo then you'll know. It is important to know who this other child is who bit your DD.

My DD had a number of incidents where other kids in her class injured her and the school did nothing! Few Kindys have 'zero tolerance' and so they just let the problem continue. They tell the other kids' parents who probably feel terrible for a hot second and then forget about it b/c their precious baby is now beating up/biting/kicking/hitting the sibling so they don't have time to deal with you and your child.

Make note of the incident and photograph any evidence and note any adverse reaction DD has. Also, keep tabs on whether this other child is biting other kids or just your daughter. If the other kid keeps biting and the school does nothing then you should consider taking action.

Be sure to let DD know that she didn't do anything that warrants being bitten and that biting is wrong and that if it happens again that she needs to tell the teacher and to tell you.

I know what you must be feeling and going through. Unfortunately, not all children are taught proper behavior before being sent off to school. I know kids will be kids, so don't start with the flames. But, really, there is no reason that small children can't learn that biting is wrong. And as for that 13 year old who was biting, he deserved to be suspended. At that age it's assault, not just a kid being a kid.

That is a little harsh, to say the least.
"Unfortunately, not all children are taught proper behavior before being sent off to school."
Though I certainly don't think biting is okay, and I feel awful for the girl that was bitten, a lot of it has to do with environment - not parents not teaching proper behaviour.
Additionally, if you do research on biting (and I have done lots as a parent of a child who has both bitten and been bitten) biting tends to occur because another child has been aggressive to the biter.
Am I saying this was the case of OP? Absolutely not.

But, there is a reason that kindergarten classrooms don't have zero tolerance. And there is a reason that names aren't released. Parents most definitely should NOT be keeping tabs on someone else's child. That is the role of the school. If you think the teacher isn't doing enough bring it to the administration.

As for your comment of
"They tell the other kids' parents who probably feel terrible for a hot second and then forget about it b/c their precious baby is now beating up/biting/kicking/hitting the sibling"

Really? I suppose you know this because you're keeping tabs on that child?
It's attitudes like yours that cause the confidentiality laws.

Ephany
09-19-2008, 06:54 PM
I can't find the picture right now, but I have a doozie of one. My DD was bit on the cheek when she was 3. You could see the teeth marks imprinted on her cheek for weeks. :mad: The teachers said she was playing quietly at her table when another little girl just run up to her and chomped on her! They were mortified and called me immediately, but I was NOT happy. DD remembered that this little girl bit her for the next two years they went to school together and was always wary of her.

marcyinPA
09-19-2008, 07:19 PM
To agree with others, in biting situations the privacy of both children has to be protected. They cannot tell the girls parents who their DD bit & cannot tell you who bit your DD. If she tells you that's OK (of course) but the school cannot tell you. We notify both parents so I'm sure they've were told.

This is the procedure at our pre-school as well.

a1tinkfans
09-19-2008, 07:19 PM
Due to confidentiality and privacy, the school CAN NOT disclose the name of any child to another parent in an incident report. If your DD can describe the other child or point to her/him in a photo then you'll know. It is important to know who this other child is who bit your DD.

My DD had a number of incidents where other kids in her class injured her and the school did nothing! Few Kindys have 'zero tolerance' and so they just let the problem continue. They tell the other kids' parents who probably feel terrible for a hot second and then forget about it b/c their precious baby is now beating up/biting/kicking/hitting the sibling so they don't have time to deal with you and your child.

Make note of the incident and photograph any evidence and note any adverse reaction DD has. Also, keep tabs on whether this other child is biting other kids or just your daughter. If the other kid keeps biting and the school does nothing then you should consider taking action.

Be sure to let DD know that she didn't do anything that warrants being bitten and that biting is wrong and that if it happens again that she needs to tell the teacher and to tell you.

I know what you must be feeling and going through. Unfortunately, not all children are taught proper behavior before being sent off to school. I know kids will be kids, so don't start with the flames. But, really, there is no reason that small children can't learn that biting is wrong. And as for that 13 year old who was biting, he deserved to be suspended. At that age it's assault, not just a kid being a kid.

Confidentiality and privacy???? WHAT about the child who was "attacked" and bit? That is CRAZY if you ask me.
I would DEMAND to know and then I would ALSO be very clear with the staff that my child should NOT be placed near a child that has no control of him/her self. This child should be protected from this aggressive behavior. It is absolutely dreadful....Wonder if there were previous incidents with same child, Hmmmmmmmmm
Hopefully no skin was broken, if it was, WOO HOO that can be VERY SERIOUS indeed!
Sorry to hear this happened to her, hope SHE is well and YOU can be confident that school is handling appropriately (like a time out/recess lost and a note home) to say the least.
I am on a RANT.... as I recall.....when I did NOT get a call in Elem School that my son was hurt during gym. Later found out that a "bully" (child that had several previous incidents under his belt) "accidentally" fell on my child, what they also did not tell me was that AFTER he fell on my child he also "accidentally" THEN bent his finger back and BROKE IT! He did not fall on the finger, he purposely bent it.
My son was taken to the nurse and given ice, I was not even called. they sent him back to class (it was near end of day) By the time he came off the bus he was in tears, took him to doctor, who sent us to ER, what a horror!
You bet I was on that phone first thing the next morning and demanded some information, which I got!
Then I told them they would have to PAY for the ER bill, which they wound up doing thru the districts insurance policy.
The other child was reprimanded, I think he had recess at VP office for a week. All I know is, the handling was poor at best and I demanded that my child was not in ANY class with that boy again. He never was. We were told later that it was not really "against" my child, the other child had "issues" Well whatever HIS issues were I did not want them as OUR issues!

They went thru middle school and now HS, so far never in same class. (Mind you this same child has had other run ins on and off as we have heard thru grapevine)
BUT they seem to just ignore each other and since my DS is more scholastic minded rather than sports minded they are not in the same circles, thankfully.
Parenting is TOUGH!!

5 for WDW
09-19-2008, 07:51 PM
I feel for you, OP. My daughter just started Kindergarten on September 3rd. She was not bit but, 4 days into the school year she was slapped by another girl. Right on the face, it got her eye too.:guilty:

I picked her up on the car line and my older son was standing with her. They were not even in the car when my daughter started to cry. I pulled over in front of the school and she told me what happened. Apparently, my daughter was waving to my son across the pick up area and this other little girl thought my DD was waving at her friend. So, she slapped my DD. We went right down to the classroom and told the teacher what happened and who it was. The teacher talked to my DD and told her how proud she was that she told her Mom what happened and promised her that she would call and talk to the Mom of the other child that night.

The next morning we were waiting to go into the school, when the Mom and little girl came up to apologize. The child had made a pic for my DD. The Mom was very apologetic and embarassed but, she should have quit while she was ahead. After her apology she told me that "M****** is very possessive about her friends, she didn't like that your daughter was looking at her friend.":sad2:

All my DD wanted to know was if M****** could still be her friend.

So sorry that go so long.:flower3: It is tough being a parent sometimes. I hope your daughter does not have anymore problems with the biter.

eliza61
09-19-2008, 08:02 PM
Confidentiality and privacy???? WHAT about the child who was "attacked" and bit? That is CRAZY if you ask me.
I would DEMAND to know and then I would ALSO be very clear with the staff that my child should NOT be placed near a child that has no control of him/her self. This child should be protected from this aggressive behavior. It is absolutely dreadful....Wonder if there were previous incidents with same child, Hmmmmmmmmm
Hopefully no skin was broken, if it was, WOO HOO that can be VERY SERIOUS indeed!
Sorry to hear this happened to her, hope SHE is well and YOU can be confident that school is handling appropriately (like a time out/recess lost and a note home) to say the least.
I am on a RANT.... as I recall.....when I did NOT get a call in Elem School that my son was hurt during gym. Later found out that a "bully" (child that had several previous incidents under his belt) "accidentally" fell on my child, what they also did not tell me was that AFTER he fell on my child he also "accidentally" THEN bent his finger back and BROKE IT! He did not fall on the finger, he purposely bent it.
My son was taken to the nurse and given ice, I was not even called. they sent him back to class (it was near end of day) By the time he came off the bus he was in tears, took him to doctor, who sent us to ER, what a horror!
You bet I was on that phone first thing the next morning and demanded some information, which I got!
Then I told them they would have to PAY for the ER bill, which they wound up doing thru the districts insurance policy.
The other child was reprimanded, I think he had recess at VP office for a week. All I know is, the handling was poor at best and I demanded that my child was not in ANY class with that boy again. He never was. We were told later that it was not really "against" my child, the other child had "issues" Well whatever HIS issues were I did not want them as OUR issues!
!!

Ok, after you find out what are you going to do? Run up on the child and reprimand her. That's a quick way to get arrested.
Op sorry your child was bitten. My kids were bitten and biters. My son did not have issues, was not a bullier or damage. He's a well adjusted college student now. He was simply immature and did not know how to handle anger as quickly as other 4 year olds. Once he learned that this was not ok, he stopped.

Biting does not mean you'll end up on americas most wanted. Do you have faith that the school has handled it in a timely and proper fashion? Is this the 1st incident.
Can we put away the tar & feathers now

SLK1
09-19-2008, 09:29 PM
Sorry, but biters should be kept at home until they are mature enough to handle their emotions. Why allow them to gnaw on other kids just because they are too immature to be in a social setting where things might not go their way?

mjantz
09-19-2008, 09:55 PM
Confidentiality and privacy???? WHAT about the child who was "attacked" and bit? That is CRAZY if you ask me.
I would DEMAND to know and then I would ALSO be very clear with the staff that my child should NOT be placed near a child that has no control of him/her self. This child should be protected from this aggressive behavior. It is absolutely dreadful....Wonder if there were previous incidents with same child, Hmmmmmmmmm
Hopefully no skin was broken, if it was, WOO HOO that can be VERY SERIOUS indeed!

Its responses like yours that are why we can't release names. As a teacher I don't want to be sued because I told parents who bit who & the bitees parent decided to retaliate.
Child & parental privacy is a huge issue for me & one that I've found many schools & child care centers need to work on.

Sorry, but biters should be kept at home until they are mature enough to handle their emotions. Why allow them to gnaw on other kids just because they are too immature to be in a social setting where things might not go their way?

Biting, especially at younger ages, happens for a ton of reasons. Teething & frustration are just 2 reasons. Its not always a 'He took my toy so I'm going to bite him'. Sometimes its just 'I need something to chew on & this hand is available'.
As they get older, yes, biting becomes very inappropriate. But, at 2YO or younger its not unexpected. I was bit a few years ago by a 2YO child in my class and I can tell you it was my fault! I was trying to take a toy from her because we were cleaning up & my hand ended up right in front of her mouth. After the initial shock my first thought was 'Well that was stupid to put my hand in front of her mouth! I was practically asking to be bit!!'.

SLK1
09-19-2008, 10:05 PM
Its responses like yours that are why we can't release names. As a teacher I don't want to be sued because I told parents who bit who & the bitees parent decided to retaliate.
Child & parental privacy is a huge issue for me & one that I've found many schools & child care centers need to work on.



Biting, especially at younger ages, happens for a ton of reasons. Teething & frustration are just 2 reasons. Its not always a 'He took my toy so I'm going to bite him'. Sometimes its just 'I need something to chew on & this hand is available'.
As they get older, yes, biting becomes very inappropriate. But, at 2YO or younger its not unexpected. I was bit a few years ago by a 2YO child in my class and I can tell you it was my fault! I was trying to take a toy from her because we were cleaning up & my hand ended up right in front of her mouth. After the initial shock my first thought was 'Well that was stupid to put my hand in front of her mouth! I was practically asking to be bit!!'.

Being a teacher, you are probably much more empathetic than I am. We are not talking about puppies here, we are talking about human beings who have to learn to deal with frustrations in life. I also was not referring to babies...the OP was talking about a five-year-old. The child should not be allowed into school until the behavior is stopped. It's just plain not fair to the other kids.

ekball
09-19-2008, 10:07 PM
OP here. Thanks for all of the positive responses and understanding. To clarify, I didn't expect them to tell me a name, doesn't REALLY matter except that now that I know who it was and I will encourage DD to steer clear of 'the biter', until she can treat her friends kindly and respectfully. Seriously folks, I understand that we are talking about small children, children who at times make poor choices about how to handle problems/arguments/ disagreements. I get it. I was just more than a little surprised to hear that my child was BIT. :eek: Surprised, that's all. No, I don't think DD will be scarred for life, but darnit, I don't want the start of my child's school 'career' to include issues like this (I expected stuff like this, just not in week 3 of Kindy!). It's just not what I would have wished for - but we'll be fine. She'll be fine. No doubt about that. It's the mama bear in me to want to run in to defend and protect, but I fully realize that this is a part of life as she grows.

FSUDisneyGirl
09-19-2008, 10:07 PM
We had a 5 year old bite another student at my school a few weeks ago...on the chest! :scared1: I really don't know how it happened, but I felt so bad for the little boy! :sad1: However, all of the adults jumped on her so fast about it, her behavior has really improved...I think she realized this wasn't pre-k anymore...:cool2:

HeatherSue
09-19-2008, 10:10 PM
:hug: It's hard sending our kids off to kindergarten. My daughter started this year, too. I can't imagine how upsetting it would be if she got hurt. :hug:

pigletto
09-19-2008, 10:22 PM
Sorry, but biters should be kept at home until they are mature enough to handle their emotions. Why allow them to gnaw on other kids just because they are too immature to be in a social setting where things might not go their way?

Hmmmm..
Well let's throw a wrench in that narrow view shall we?
I am a daycare provider. I have a child in my daycare that has been bitten by my son. Was I horrified? You betcha. I was astounded. And ashamed.
But let's delve further..
This particular child has also been bitten by another boy in my daycare.
And.. as luck would have it.. she was not so nicely asked to leave her last daycare.. where she was bitten by another child.
Her mother's response was "Wow.. she is just a magnet for biters! Why always my child?"
Well.. this particular child was not violent... but so unbelievably mean to other kids whenever she thought I was out of earshot it was appalling.
"No one likes you.. everyone hates you.. I wish you would die" is something she would say regularly to other kids.
She obviously had some problems that needed to be worked on...
But a previously non biting child can be pushed to their limit with that kind of verbal abuse.
So who's really at fault there? Both children are acting and reacting poorly.
It;s not always so cut and dry.

Miss LD
09-20-2008, 05:41 AM
Sorry, but biters should be kept at home until they are mature enough to handle their emotions. Why allow them to gnaw on other kids just because they are too immature to be in a social setting where things might not go their way?

really? If a kid bites they are too immature to be in a social setting?
The other day at karate my son bit someone. He hadn't bitten anyone in 2 years. (he is 4 now).
He got his belt taken away and came out in tears.
So, I asked him what had happened. It turns out that the other child had wrapped her belt around his neck.
Of course I stayed and talked to the Sensei because a) I wanted to confirm the story (I believe my son, but he's 4 and I wanted to know what led to it) and b) I wanted to know what the ramifications were for the other child.

Turns out they were being silly - and yes the girl wrapped her belt around his neck. He panicked and bit her. He got in trouble for "not using his words" and got his belt taken because he had been physical. She didn't.

Since that time he has now bitten 3 more times - once me, once my husband, once at school (he just started jk). All when he was angry.

Do I blame that girl? No.

BUT ... do I think he's too immature to be in a social setting. In general, no. But, the point of jk is to learn about school, social settings, etc. (and yes he was in pre-school - no biting ever). I speak to the teacher daily to make sure I'm ensuring that he won't bite again and that he adjusts. I'm not sure you can ask much more. Locking him at home until he hopefully doesn't show signs of biting???? Ridiculous

cinderellamom123
09-20-2008, 05:55 AM
Oh, and if I ran a daycare and had a child that bit, I think I'd just not accept that child there anymore. Biting can cause serious harm.[/QUOTE]


I run a small family daycare and we are not allowed to give names. In four year I have only have two incidents of biting. One child bit me when the mom was leaving in the morning and I was trying to comfort him. He was probably two at the time.

A year later his parents were going thru a divorce and he bit another child. It is frustrating because these are not bad kids, but kids going thru difficult stages.

I think if it is a consistant continual problem that there should be repercussions.

For me, the parents get called the first time.

Second time parents must leave work and pick up their child for the day.

Three strikes you are out.

SLK1
09-20-2008, 07:03 AM
I guess not everyone's kids can be as perfect as mine...

Just kidding everyone!!!!! A lot of these posts are "extreme" cases...if someone wrapped their karate belt around my kid's neck, or if some kid said they wanted my kid to die, obviously that child should also be severely reprimanded and sent home as well (not permanently, but like a suspension). I'm simply talking about the kids who bite simply because a toy was taken away or they got mad or frustrated. However, I also know there are "weapons" used that can be just as bad as teeth - the other day a first-grader threw a pencil right at my DD's eye (on purpose, unprovoked). But, I also believe we are not strict enough with our children these days and we allow very bad behavior (not just biting) because some are afraid of disciplining their children.

O.k., so bring on the bad comments. I'm ready...

bonybroad
09-20-2008, 07:18 AM
My son got bit last year in first grade, and I was FURIOUS!
Luckily, my friend works at the school and saw the whole thing, and pulled the biter out and to the principal.
The part that bugs me is that no note, no call, just a band-aid and a bruise.
Someone should have told me!

Stephres
09-20-2008, 07:20 AM
OP, my daughter was in kindergarten last year and was the victim of violence. A little boy had his hands on her neck tight enough to leave bruises. I was horrified at first but after I talked with the teacher I felt much better about the steps she took to ensure it didn't happen again. Also, my daughter was fine and it didn't effect how she felt about kindergarten or this boy. She loved kindergarten and was friends with this boy.

I think kids are a lot more resilient than we are and I hope your daughter bounces back as quickly as mine did.:hug:

Camno's Mama
09-20-2008, 07:37 AM
Sorry, but biters should be kept at home until they are mature enough to handle their emotions. Why allow them to gnaw on other kids just because they are too immature to be in a social setting where things might not go their way?


Every kid at that age is working on their socialization. That's the point of preschool and Kindergarten. Will some do things that are more unacceptable than others? Certainly, but if they never start school, then they won't learn these lessons.

Seriously people, these are just kids. Little kids...not fifth graders! I can't imagine responding like this is someone bit my son. Would I be sad for him and upset? Yes, but you have to keep in mind that they are still little. I would actually be more surprised if this happened in the LAST three weeks of school rather than the FIRST three weeks!

This is your opportunity to teach their kids to stand up for themselves. To use their words and to really get the chance to talk about what happened. To the parents who really freak out...how are they going to feel about telling you stuff? Maybe it's the just the emotions talking here, and when you all handled this stuff you were completely rational. But kids don't want to see their parents upset, and if they think you are going to react like that, they will keep things from you in the future.

It sounds like most of the teachers handled the incidents in a proper way. Suspension would be most uncalled for in Kindergarten for this behavior...especially the first time. And, lets be honest, kids really like to make their teachers happy. If they handle it in a stern and appropriate manner, you are unlikely to see the problem again unless the child has some issues.

nessz79
09-20-2008, 07:44 AM
Every kid at that age is working on their socialization. That's the point of preschool and Kindergarten. Will some do things that are more unacceptable than others? Certainly, but if they never start school, then they won't learn these lessons.

Seriously people, these are just kids. Little kids...not fifth graders! I can't imagine responding like this is someone bit my son. Would I be sad for him and upset? Yes, but you have to keep in mind that they are still little. I would actually be more surprised if this happened in the LAST three weeks of school rather than the FIRST three weeks!

This is your opportunity to teach their kids to stand up for themselves. To use their words and to really get the chance to talk about what happened. To the parents who really freak out...how are they going to feel about telling you stuff? Maybe it's the just the emotions talking here, and when you all handled this stuff you were completely rational. But kids don't want to see their parents upset, and if they think you are going to react like that, they will keep things from you in the future.

It sounds like most of the teachers handled the incidents in a proper way. Suspension would be most uncalled for in Kindergarten for this behavior...especially the first time. And, lets be honest, kids really like to make their teachers happy. If they handle it in a stern and appropriate manner, you are unlikely to see the problem again unless the child has some issues.

Totally agree.

My kids are 5 and just-turned-4. They have never bitten other children, but they've been known to bite each other once in a while. Of course, I'm always shocked and rather disgusted at this seemingly infantile behavior, but I also understand that they are still very young and are going to do infantile things sometimes. They always have a very good tongue-lashing as well as other age-appropriate consequences and it's sooooo rare for them to do it.

I think kicking a kid out based on biting is extreme and inappropriate. Do we kick out kids that do any kind of violence? Hitting, scratching, throwing things? Any of those things could do physical harm to another child, but these are children. We should be showing them the right way to act, not simply rejecting them.

OP, I totally feel for you! I would be very upset as well. I think your initial reaction is perfect. It's probably better than I would initially feel! ;)

cruellababy
09-20-2008, 08:21 AM
My kids have also been biters and bitees- to eachother-but my DS almost 4 just started pre-school;He's an older 3 and most in his class are younger 3's. I am sure that at some point in that class there will be biting- kids have to learn to socalize and how to deal with their frustrations. The only place that will happen is in school. But, it's a bite OP- and it will likely be forgotten over time and these kids will be friends. Biting does not mean that these kids will turn into serial killers or will be constant troublemakers- A stupider more ignorant remark in all these replies:rolleyes1? Would I be upset if my kid got bit? A little-but kids will be kids and if the skin hasn't been broken; it's really not that big of a deal.

eliza61
09-20-2008, 08:38 AM
Sorry, but biters should be kept at home until they are mature enough to handle their emotions. Why allow them to gnaw on other kids just because they are too immature to be in a social setting where things might not go their way?

That's why we call the kids SLK, because they are not mature. Sorry, babies don't get born out of the womb automatically knowing right from wrong or knowing how to socialize. What about the kid at disney that throws a tantrum, do we keep them locked up until they can handle disappointment? Heck, how many teenagers make stupid, bone headed mistakes in the heat of emotion and they supposedly are old enough to know better? What do you suggest that we keep all the kids at home? Children learn, some very quickly, some very slowly.
I sure the poor kid was punished but I think locking up all the 5 year olds in the world because their not well behaved, emotionally stable, mini adults is a bit drastic

disfan07
09-20-2008, 11:30 AM
I work in a preschool childcare adn we have had more than one biting incident since june adn heck...I'VE been bitten by a kid.

Also, we are NOT alowed to give out names of the biter or the bitee......its confidentiality.....we were told at staff orientation that you just tell the bitees parent that "your child was biten by another child" ad what we did treatment wise to the bite adn than we tell the biters parents "your child bit another child " and we tell them anythign else that is relevant.....but under NO circumstance so we ever tell the childs name

for these parents who are saying that the child shoul dnot be allowed back to preschool or daycare, i have this feeling that if your child did this adn you were told that they couldnt come back, you would have a fit adn would be up in arms about it.......im just saying....

SLK1
09-20-2008, 11:33 AM
That's why we call the kids SLK, because they are not mature. Sorry, babies don't get born out of the womb automatically knowing right from wrong or knowing how to socialize. What about the kid at disney that throws a tantrum, do we keep them locked up until they can handle disappointment? Heck, how many teenagers make stupid, bone headed mistakes in the heat of emotion and they supposedly are old enough to know better? What do you suggest that we keep all the kids at home? Children learn, some very quickly, some very slowly.
I sure the poor kid was punished but I think locking up all the 5 year olds in the world because their not well behaved, emotionally stable, mini adults is a bit drastic

The kid at Disney throwing a tantrum isn't causing bruises and bite marks on another child. Teenagers generally have to deal with the consequences of their mistakes. If not, if they truly hurt someone, there are big ramifications. Learning about consequences early is very important.

Look, I'm lucky I haven't had one of mine bite someone or strike another child. But, one of mine did get bit (the first child, so of course I overreacted - if it was the other three I probably wouldn't have been quite so upset), and nothing at all happened to the other child. He went happily along, and bit a few more before he was told to stay home until he could handle the social situation (they were two years old). That was the right thing to do...it helped him deal with his frustrations - and his parents dealt with them rather than have some innocent other kids bear the brunt of his frustrations, and he also didn't get scolded so much.

You know if it happens once, fine, deal with it and watch that child carefully. If he does it twice, then that's it. Give him/her three or six months to gain a little maturity. As for school-aged children (kindergarten on up), there should be a zero-tolerance policy. In our school, the principal's daughter hit another kid and she was suspended. I imagine biting would have been held with the same regard. Why are people so afraid to discipline?

jodifla
09-20-2008, 11:47 AM
The kid at Disney throwing a tantrum isn't causing bruises and bite marks on another child. Teenagers generally have to deal with the consequences of their mistakes. If not, if they truly hurt someone, there are big ramifications. Learning about consequences early is very important.

Look, I'm lucky I haven't had one of mine bite someone or strike another child. But, one of mine did get bit (the first child, so of course I overreacted - if it was the other three I probably wouldn't have been quite so upset), and nothing at all happened to the other child. He went happily along, and bit a few more before he was told to stay home until he could handle the social situation (they were two years old). That was the right thing to do...it helped him deal with his frustrations - and his parents dealt with them rather than have some innocent other kids bear the brunt of his frustrations, and he also didn't get scolded so much.

You know if it happens once, fine, deal with it and watch that child carefully. If he does it twice, then that's it. Give him/her three or six months to gain a little maturity. As for school-aged children (kindergarten on up), there should be a zero-tolerance policy. In our school, the principal's daughter hit another kid and she was suspended. I imagine biting would have been held with the same regard. Why are people so afraid to discipline?

Zero tolerance for Kindergarten? Lots of kids are 4 when they start kindergarten....

And sorry, you don't get to THROW KIDS out of public school. They take everybody, and deal with everybody's issues. Including autism, speech delays, emotional behavoirs, etc.

There was a little girl in my son's class who was the youngest in the class and had some emotion/anger issues due to her earlier treatment in life before she was adopted. She had a rough time in K, and was occasionally violent. Some parents even went so far as to make sure their kids weren't even in her class for 1st grade. She was kinda rough on my kid, who actually got written up one day because he accidentally poked her in the eye when she was coming after him and he raised his hand to stop her. But the mom and I just dealt with it (I was there when it happened) without going all nuclear on each other.

Flash forward a year, and she's doing really nicely, without all the troubles she had at K. We're making plans to get them together on a play date soon. She needed counseling, practice with other kids, time and understanding, not to be locked away someplace to keep the helicopter parents happy.

I have zero tolerance for parents who don't get that little kids are little kids!!!!!!!!!!!!

ekball
09-20-2008, 11:52 AM
kids will be kids and if the skin hasn't been broken; it's really not that big of a deal.

OP here - gotta disagree with you here. It IS a big deal. Not the bite itself - I agree, that is not a big deal. The big deal is that my DD woke up this morning and cheered when I told her that there was no school this morning. :sad2: My DD who was thrilled to go to school every morning is now not wanting to go to school becaue the "poor kid" :rolleyes: that bit her is mean to her and bothering her so much. There is a history with this little girl being less-than-nice to my DD (they were in pre-K together) but she has apparently become so bad that DD doesn't even want to be in class with her anymore. The BIG DEAL is that my child who was over-the-moon excited about being in Kindy is now feeling anxiety about it. Yes - that IS a big deal. This is a very important year for these children, and I certainly hope that no-one develops negative feelings about school because of one little girl who can't control her anger.

I know that we will get past this and that DD will be fine. I'm hoping that this will drive home the importance of being friends with everyone and using your words to solve problems. I'm sure that we are not scarred for life by this, and I assure you that mom is keeping her cool and talking DD through how she is going to handle 'the biter' in the future (my scenario of marching down to the school was a fictional/hypothetical post on a message board, folks. Ya know, "I'd LIKE to go down there and..." IRL I handled this calmly and appropriately. Geesh). I just can't believe that we are 3 weeks into the year and I'm talking DD into all of the reasons why school is great and all of the reasons why she should be excited to go. All because of one child who thinks it is OK to make other kids feel bad through her words and her actions. :sad2: I think it's more than a big deal. Quite frankly, I think it stinks.

SLK1
09-20-2008, 12:29 PM
Zero tolerance for Kindergarten? Lots of kids are 4 when they start kindergarten....

And sorry, you don't get to THROW KIDS out of public school. They take everybody, and deal with everybody's issues. Including autism, speech delays, emotional behavoirs, etc.

There was a little girl in my son's class who was the youngest in the class and had some emotion/anger issues due to her earlier treatment in life before she was adopted. She had a rough time in K, and was occasionally violent. Some parents even went so far as to make sure their kids weren't even in her class for 1st grade. She was kinda rough on my kid, who actually got written up one day because he accidentally poked her in the eye when she was coming after him and he raised his hand to stop her. But the mom and I just dealt with it (I was there when it happened) without going all nuclear on each other.

Flash forward a year, and she's doing really nicely, without all the troubles she had at K. We're making plans to get them together on a play date soon. She needed counseling, practice with other kids, time and understanding, not to be locked away someplace to keep the helicopter parents happy.

I have zero tolerance for parents who don't get that little kids are little kids!!!!!!!!!!!!

Three cheers for you!!! :yay: Great job for making the difference in the life of a child!

jodifla
09-20-2008, 12:45 PM
OP here - gotta disagree with you here. It IS a big deal. Not the bite itself - I agree, that is not a big deal. The big deal is that my DD woke up this morning and cheered when I told her that there was no school this morning. :sad2: My DD who was thrilled to go to school every morning is now not wanting to go to school becaue the "poor kid" :rolleyes: that bit her is mean to her and bothering her so much. There is a history with this little girl being less-than-nice to my DD (they were in pre-K together) but she has apparently become so bad that DD doesn't even want to be in class with her anymore. The BIG DEAL is that my child who was over-the-moon excited about being in Kindy is now feeling anxiety about it. Yes - that IS a big deal. This is a very important year for these children, and I certainly hope that no-one develops negative feelings about school because of one little girl who can't control her anger.

I know that we will get past this and that DD will be fine. I'm hoping that this will drive home the importance of being friends with everyone and using your words to solve problems. I'm sure that we are not scarred for life by this, and I assure you that mom is keeping her cool and talking DD through how she is going to handle 'the biter' in the future (my scenario of marching down to the school was a fictional/hypothetical post on a message board, folks. Ya know, "I'd LIKE to go down there and..." IRL I handled this calmly and appropriately. Geesh). I just can't believe that we are 3 weeks into the year and I'm talking DD into all of the reasons why school is great and all of the reasons why she should be excited to go. All because of one child who thinks it is OK to make other kids feel bad through her words and her actions. :sad2: I think it's more than a big deal. Quite frankly, I think it stinks.


Certainly, I agree: It does stick that your daughter feels this way!!!

Have you talked at all to your daughter about why they girl might be acting this way? It might help her to know that the biter's behavoir isn't about her, it's all about the biter...she might be sad or lonely or angry or whatever. K is really early to be running into truly evil kids, although I'm certain they are out there.

nessz79
09-20-2008, 02:24 PM
Certainly, I agree: It does stick that your daughter feels this way!!!

Have you talked at all to your daughter about why they girl might be acting this way? It might help her to know that the biter's behavoir isn't about her, it's all about the biter...she might be sad or lonely or angry or whatever. K is really early to be running into truly evil kids, although I'm certain they are out there.


I don't think they're out there at all. I have learned as a high school teacher...don't get me wrong, there are kids that I don't want to be around and they give me a bad feeling, behave terribly, etc. However, I think that ALL kids that are this bad are victims of some sort. They weren't raised right.

Now, this little girl that bit may be going through some things. Yes, she needs to be disciplined, for sure! But I bet she needs some love pretty badly.

OP, I can understand what you're saying about feeling terribly about your daughter not wanting to go to Kindergarten. But little kids are resilient. I would keep your cheerfulness up for her and she will feel more confident. If you are harboring any bad feelings, she'll pick up on it. She needs you to be the rock, which I'm sure you are! :hug:

kcromley
09-20-2008, 02:44 PM
my child was attacked repeatedly by another child in a preschool setting years ago. If I had it to do over again, I would be much more assertive in dealing with the teachers, administrators, and if necessary, school legal advisor, in demanding that action be taken to keep my child safe.

churchpilot
09-20-2008, 03:00 PM
my child was attacked repeatedly by another child in a preschool setting years ago. If I had it to do over again, I would be much more assertive in dealing with the teachers, administrators, and if necessary, school legal advisor, in demanding that action be taken to keep my child safe.

Good luck---our son was bitten on the back "attack style" last year in the first grade. Of course he could tell us who it was, and we did get a call from the Prinicpal. She assured us that it was being handled and our son did see his Doctor because the skin was broken. We asked for assurances that our son was safe and that this wouldn't happen again. Guess what---two weeks later this same child threw a chair at another child and hit her in the head. One week later he bit my son again in almost the same place. At this point, we had no confidence in the school system and went to Administration because we wanted this child removed from our son's classroom. They wouldn't budge on our demand, so we demanded that our son be moved. They talked us down and said that issues like this one take time to resolve because it is a process. I guess this particular student has behavior problems and the school was documenting every incident so that they could get him in a different, more appropriate setting, which they did, 2 days later.

livndisney
09-20-2008, 03:15 PM
I was just reading this, with my eyes wide open - Oh My God!

I have never heard of a child biting another one at school!!!!!

I hope the child that did this had to apologize first of all.
I would not want my child in the same classroom with a child that could hurt them. I know teasing and things can happen, but hurting?

I am so sorry that happened. Since I have no experience with public schools, I don't know what can be done. Obviously, that child should be punished somehow, maybe suspended? I mean, biting to cause harm - that is way over the limit. I wouldn't want my child in that classroom if the other child was there anymore - and maybe you can talk to the school to make sure that happens. That is just so unacceptable.

Oh, and if I ran a daycare and had a child that bit, I think I'd just not accept that child there anymore. Biting can cause serious harm.

I am so glad to hear someone else say this, I visited a school this summer that was AGAINST asking children to apologize when they hurt someone.:confused3 I could not believe it.

To the OP I am sorry your DD got bit, hopefully she is ok.:grouphug:

Mouse House Mama
09-20-2008, 03:16 PM
Sorry, but biters should be kept at home until they are mature enough to handle their emotions. Why allow them to gnaw on other kids just because they are too immature to be in a social setting where things might not go their way?

Well I sort of agree with this. At 5 a child should know not to bite. Heck at 4 they should know not to bite. Now I know that kids sometimes do things that make us go :scared1: but that is where we have to step in and teach them a better solution. OP- I would be steaming mad. I hope it all works out for you.:hug:

livndisney
09-20-2008, 03:20 PM
Good luck---our son was bitten on the back "attack style" last year in the first grade. Of course he could tell us who it was, and we did get a call from the Prinicpal. She assured us that it was being handled and our son did see his Doctor because the skin was broken. We asked for assurances that our son was safe and that this wouldn't happen again. Guess what---two weeks later this same child threw a chair at another child and hit her in the head. One week later he bit my son again in almost the same place. At this point, we had no confidence in the school system and went to Administration because we wanted this child removed from our son's classroom. They wouldn't budge on our demand, so we demanded that our son be moved. They talked us down and said that issues like this one take time to resolve because it is a process. I guess this particular student has behavior problems and the school was documenting every incident so that they could get him in a different, more appropriate setting, which they did, 2 days later.

We got this song and dance last year. The schools position was it was ok for these two older boys to attack and harass my first grader because they were "having problems at home". Sadly, these boys are still attacking younger children and the school with the "zero" tolerance is still "looking into it". My child is now safe (out of the school), but I feel sorry for the other children these boys come in contact with.

Mouse House Mama
09-20-2008, 03:23 PM
Oh- I wanted to add something. While I understand why the schools don't tell the other party who the biter was, I think it is wrong. If my child was bit I want to know if the other child has a communicable disease for starters. I need to know this information especially if the skin was broken. That I feel is my right. I have to protect my child. Also, wouldn't the biter have to apologize? Or do they just get a free pass? I also would want to know so I could tell my child to stay away from the kid!

kcromley
09-20-2008, 03:35 PM
In our case, the matter was finally resolved when I went into the school administrator's office and informed her that upon the advice of my pediatrician who examined the injuries, I was calling Child Protective Services and reporting the matter for investigation. The attacked was removed immediately thereafter. I wish I had done it much, much sooner.

eliza61
09-20-2008, 03:36 PM
Oh- I wanted to add something. While I understand why the schools don't tell the other party who the biter was, I think it is wrong. If my child was bit I want to know if the other child has a communicable disease for starters. I need to know this information especially if the skin was broken. That I feel is my right. I have to protect my child. Also, wouldn't the biter have to apologize? Or do they just get a free pass? I also would want to know so I could tell my child to stay away from the kid!

Normally you would be told about any health issues without reveling the name of the child (actually most people with communicable disease are sent home if the school knows about it.). Children are made to apologize to one another at the time of the incident. The "biters" parents are informed and may want the child to apologize but that is up to his/her parents. How would you make another child that is a perfect stranger apologize? You can very easily tell your child to stay away from the "biter" without knowing who he/she was.

I'm in no way condoning biting incidents but I have seen the consequences of moms and dads coming to school the next day confronting little kids. It usually ends up with us calling the cops. What happens if the "biter" does not act contrite enough for you, I'll tell you parents usually lose their cool and it gets ugly. If you wish to talk with the "biters" parents then leave a note with the teacher requesting a chat with your phone number.

Mouse House Mama
09-20-2008, 03:38 PM
Normally you would be told about any health issues without reveling the name of the child (actually most people with communicable disease are sent home if the school knows about it.). Children are made to apologize to one another at the time of the incident. The "biters" parents are informed and may want the child to apologize but that is up to his/her parents. How would you make another child that is a perfect stranger apologize? You can very easily tell your child to stay away from the "biter" without knowing who he/she was.

I'm in no way condoning biting incidents but I have seen the consequences of moms and dads coming to school the next day confronting little kids. It usually ends up with us calling the cops. What happens if the "biter" does not act contrite enough for you, I'll tell you parents usually lose their cool and it gets ugly. If you wish to talk with the "biters" parents then leave a note with the teacher requesting a chat with your phone number.

I bolded because that is not true. A person/child can have a blood disease that can be dangerous to others if direct contact is made (blood to blood, saliva etc.)

eliza61
09-20-2008, 03:43 PM
I bolded because that is not true. A person/child can have a blood disease that can be dangerous to others if direct contact is made (blood to blood, saliva etc.)

Children in most schools have to submitt an health form listing diseases. Now if the parents lied and didn't let the school know, you wouldn't be able to find out any way unless you took legal action to get the kid tested. Good luck with that.
If the school has adequate health records and they have a blood disease (I'm assuming you mean HIV because most blood disease are not communicable) than they would tell the parent.

Office of Communicable Diseases
Room 106
Phone: (401) 222-2577
Fax: (401) 222-2488
711 (RI Relay)
Email




Office of Communicable Diseases
Alphabetical Listing of Diseases
Amebiasis
Influenza

AIDS
Lyme

Babesiosis
Measles

Campylobacteriosis
Meningitis (meningococcal disease)

Chancroid
Molluscum Contagiosum

Chlamydia
MRSA

Chickenpox (Varicella)
Mumps

Clostridium Difficile Infection
Nongonococcal Urethritis (NGU)

Crabs
Norovirus Infection

Cryptosporidiosis
Pediculosis

E Coli O157:H7
Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID)

Eastern Equine Encephalitis
Pertussis (whooping cough)

Ehrlichiosis
Polio

Giardiasis
Rubella (German Measles)

Gonorrhea
Rabies and Animal Bites

Group A Streptococcal Disease
Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever

Group B Streptococcal Disease
Salmonellosis

Hepatitis A
Shigellosis

Hepatitis B
Scabies

Hepatitis C
Sexually Transmitted Diseases

Herpes
Syphilis

Hib/Haemophilus Influenza Type b infections
Tuberculosis

HIV
Vaginitis

Human Papillomavirus / Genital Warts
Varicella (chicken pox)


Most of the ones on the list kids are vaccinated from (chicken pox, measles, TB, Petrussi) Rabies is usally found in wild animals not 4 year olds.
HIV Vaginits is just want it sounds like.
You're more likely to get communicable diesease from hand to hand contact (which is why hand washing is your best defense) then bites.

Mouse House Mama
09-20-2008, 03:47 PM
Children in most schools have to submitt an health form listing diseases. Now if the parents lied and didn't let the school know, you wouldn't be able to find out any way unless you took legal action to get the kid tested. Good luck with that.
If the school has adequate health records and they have a blood disease (I'm assuming you mean HIV because most blood disease are not communicable) than they would tell the parent.

Well HIV is one of them but there are other things like Hep etc. that can be dangerous. Even if the kid had a cold sore and bit my kid I have a right to know. Sorry but even if my kid was the biter I would want the other parents to have that info from us as well. What if the kid that was bit had some sort of health issue? I just think it is ridiculous to keep the parents from finding out who the biter/bitee is. Aside from the obvious health issues it can cause, how do they deal with it? Shouldn't the biter have to apologize? Or do they do it in a confessional type booth so nobody knows who it is?:laughing:

eliza61
09-20-2008, 04:08 PM
Well HIV is one of them but there are other things like Hep etc. that can be dangerous. Even if the kid had a cold sore and bit my kid I have a right to know. Sorry but even if my kid was the biter I would want the other parents to have that info from us as well. What if the kid that was bit had some sort of health issue? I just think it is ridiculous to keep the parents from finding out who the biter/bitee is. Aside from the obvious health issues it can cause, how do they deal with it? Shouldn't the biter have to apologize? Or do they do it in a confessional type booth so nobody knows who it is?:laughing:


You will, don't worry. If the school administration is on the ball, you should be able to get all the info you need. Sadly, the good ole days of when parents made the children apologize in person etc, etc (I remember many a day being marched some where by my pop to apologize) are long gone. I think it's a combination of our lawsuit happy society and also of years of Parents trying to be kids "friends" (just my totally unscientific observation) have left it's mark.
It's tough being mom & dad now, some stories I read make me really happy my kids are young adults now.

Mouse House Mama
09-20-2008, 06:25 PM
You will, don't worry. If the school administration is on the ball, you should be able to get all the info you need. Sadly, the good ole days of when parents made the children apologize in person etc, etc (I remember many a day being marched some where by my pop to apologize) are long gone. I think it's a combination of our lawsuit happy society and also of years of Parents trying to be kids "friends" (just my totally unscientific observation) have left it's mark.
It's tough being mom & dad now, some stories I read make me really happy my kids are young adults now.

Ain't that the truth.

PrincessPeyton
09-20-2008, 08:08 PM
I just wanted to add my experience, sorry if another posted added something similiar...
My DD is 2, her classroom is only 2 and 3 YO's. She comes home with bite marks and an incident report probably every two weeks because a little girl in her classroom bits her. One week it was on her arm, last week it was on her belly. Her daycare can't tell us who bit her but even at 2 my daughter will tell me who it is...HER DAYCARE DIRECTORS DAUGHTER! I actaully really like her daycare, her director, teacher, everything about this school and just hope that it wil stop soon. She actually absolutely loves the little girl that bites her, they play really well together most of the time! Her daycare director is very educated and a great mom, so I just think sometimes it's not the parents fault and a phase that some kids go through. I just feel very lucky that my DD doesn't think that because she gets bitten that it's okay for her to bite!

princessmom29
09-20-2008, 10:27 PM
Oh- I wanted to add something. While I understand why the schools don't tell the other party who the biter was, I think it is wrong. If my child was bit I want to know if the other child has a communicable disease for starters. I need to know this information especially if the skin was broken. That I feel is my right. I have to protect my child. Also, wouldn't the biter have to apologize? Or do they just get a free pass? I also would want to know so I could tell my child to stay away from the kid!

How would you feel if your child was the biter and the shool gave out that info to another parent who then came after you b/c of it? You are probably thinking that you raised you child not to bite. So did I but after she was bitten twice she retaliated and the child that she bit was the same child that bit her. This happened to be the child of a coworker who was friends with the daycare director. It was a church daycare and she went to the church. While the would not tell me who bit my child they told her, and she confronted me at work. Let's just say she got really ugly and accused me of telling my child to bite back (which I did not.) She totally ignored the fact that this was the 3rd time her child had bitten mine!

Camno's Mama
09-21-2008, 07:48 AM
OP here - gotta disagree with you here. It IS a big deal. Not the bite itself - I agree, that is not a big deal. The big deal is that my DD woke up this morning and cheered when I told her that there was no school this morning. :sad2: My DD who was thrilled to go to school every morning is now not wanting to go to school becaue the "poor kid" :rolleyes: that bit her is mean to her and bothering her so much. There is a history with this little girl being less-than-nice to my DD (they were in pre-K together) but she has apparently become so bad that DD doesn't even want to be in class with her anymore. The BIG DEAL is that my child who was over-the-moon excited about being in Kindy is now feeling anxiety about it. Yes - that IS a big deal. This is a very important year for these children, and I certainly hope that no-one develops negative feelings about school because of one little girl who can't control her anger.

I know that we will get past this and that DD will be fine. I'm hoping that this will drive home the importance of being friends with everyone and using your words to solve problems. I'm sure that we are not scarred for life by this, and I assure you that mom is keeping her cool and talking DD through how she is going to handle 'the biter' in the future (my scenario of marching down to the school was a fictional/hypothetical post on a message board, folks. Ya know, "I'd LIKE to go down there and..." IRL I handled this calmly and appropriately. Geesh). I just can't believe that we are 3 weeks into the year and I'm talking DD into all of the reasons why school is great and all of the reasons why she should be excited to go. All because of one child who thinks it is OK to make other kids feel bad through her words and her actions. :sad2: I think it's more than a big deal. Quite frankly, I think it stinks.

I think that your thread has been hijacked a bit. Most of the comments are general viewpoints about biting and how it should be handled by parents and schools. Sorry if I, personally, have made you feel otherwise...of course I totally feel for you as I said in my other post. And you made it pretty clear that what you were feeling inside and how you were going to handle it were two different things. I would feel bad in your position, too. As would most of the people here, I'm sure.:hug:

Mouse House Mama
09-21-2008, 10:55 AM
How would you feel if your child was the biter and the shool gave out that info to another parent who then came after you b/c of it? You are probably thinking that you raised you child not to bite. So did I but after she was bitten twice she retaliated and the child that she bit was the same child that bit her. This happened to be the child of a coworker who was friends with the daycare director. It was a church daycare and she went to the church. While the would not tell me who bit my child they told her, and she confronted me at work. Let's just say she got really ugly and accused me of telling my child to bite back (which I did not.) She totally ignored the fact that this was the 3rd time her child had bitten mine!

I get what you are saying but I guess I am a little naive and perhaps a bit old school. If my kid bit you can bet they will be marching themselves over to apologize in person as well as a letter of apology. Stupidly I guess I assume (yeah I know- never assume:rolleyes: ) that other parents would react the same way. Oh- and I suppose I will be flamed for this but yes, I would tell my kid to do something if they were continually hurt by another kid. Not bite but yeah, I would tell them to push the kid etc. to get them away so they didn't get bit.

LaraK
09-21-2008, 12:46 PM
Both of my kids have been bitten a ton of times. They're both big kids and stubborn as mules. The other kids get frustrated and bite them.

Kindergarten does seem a little old to be biting, but on the other hand, as long as the skin isn't broken I never saw it as that big of a deal...I usually asked my kid what they did to bring it on themselves.

Don't get me wrong, I don't like seeing my kid hurt any more than the next parent, but I do see that coping with stuff like this is part of growing up.

princessmom29
09-21-2008, 02:49 PM
I get what you are saying but I guess I am a little naive and perhaps a bit old school. If my kid bit you can bet they will be marching themselves over to apologize in person as well as a letter of apology. Stupidly I guess I assume (yeah I know- never assume:rolleyes: ) that other parents would react the same way. Oh- and I suppose I will be flamed for this but yes, I would tell my kid to do something if they were continually hurt by another kid. Not bite but yeah, I would tell them to push the kid etc. to get them away so they didn't get bit.

Mine was 3 at the time this hapened and i would have made her apologize if I had been told which child she bit. The daycare refused to tell me. I only knew that she had been bitten twice before and the third time she retaliated. I had told her to try to get away form whoever was biting her A(not play with them ect) I only found out which child it was when his mothoer accosted me.

mommytoone
09-21-2008, 07:28 PM
I don't have a biting story but mine is pretty bad.

My dd7, who was in first grade last year, was waiting outside to go in school. They had a field trip on this day, and she was really excited. When all of a sudden a boy, thats right a boy, from the other class hauled off and punched her in the mouth, square in the mouth. She was bleeding and her tooth was loose. I had to go to the doctors and when I came back I heard my mom on the phone with the nurse, about someone getting punched. I got on the phone and found out it was my DD, WHAT????

She was sitting in the nurses office with ice on her mouth, and then her lunch box flung open and all her stuff when rolling across the floor, and her thermos leaked all over. Well, she went on the field trip, and got hurt there, someone poked her in the eye, this was an accident. But, boy what a day she had.

You know the kid got suspended for the day, wow, at home all day, it was a Friday too. But the mother never apologized, or anything. I am appalled to think that. If my dd did that I would have found that mother, by sending in a note or something. Thank god he is not in her class this year.

a1tinkfans
09-21-2008, 07:39 PM
I don't have a biting story but mine is pretty bad.

My dd7, who was in first grade last year, was waiting outside to go in school. They had a field trip on this day, and she was really excited. When all of a sudden a boy, thats right a boy, from the other class hauled off and punched her in the mouth, square in the mouth. She was bleeding and her tooth was loose. I had to go to the doctors and when I came back I heard my mom on the phone with the nurse, about someone getting punched. I got on the phone and found out it was my DD, WHAT????

She was sitting in the nurses office with ice on her mouth, and then her lunch box flung open and all her stuff when rolling across the floor, and her thermos leaked all over. Well, she went on the field trip, and got hurt there, someone poked her in the eye, this was an accident. But, boy what a day she had.

You know the kid got suspended for the day, wow, at home all day, it was a Friday too. But the mother never apologized, or anything. I am appalled to think that. If my dd did that I would have found that mother, by sending in a note or something. Thank god he is not in her class this year.

I always wonder...if kids "react" this way, unprovoked or otherwise (violence) what they SEE and EXPERIENCE at home, Sad indeed. I am glad your daughter is okay and you are MUCH more level headed about the incidents then I would be, Best of Luck to her!

pyrxtc
09-21-2008, 08:17 PM
My Kinder DS has been hit on two occasions already. Ugh, it is very frustrating that I can't do anything about it. We had a wonderful talk about it both times and he is making huge strides in class and his speech and friends. I kow the teacher takes care of the problem. I still want to talk to the mom of the boys who hit him but have restrained myself so far. If one of them does it again, I will be talking to the mother.

SLK1
09-21-2008, 08:32 PM
I get what you are saying but I guess I am a little naive and perhaps a bit old school. If my kid bit you can bet they will be marching themselves over to apologize in person as well as a letter of apology. Stupidly I guess I assume (yeah I know- never assume:rolleyes: ) that other parents would react the same way. Oh- and I suppose I will be flamed for this but yes, I would tell my kid to do something if they were continually hurt by another kid. Not bite but yeah, I would tell them to push the kid etc. to get them away so they didn't get bit.

Finally!!!! Someone who is not afraid to discipline their child! I applaud you and agree with every word you said!!!:thumbsup2

Anthony's Mommy
09-22-2008, 11:06 AM
Call me old school as well....DS 2.5 Hit (not hard, just a tap was told) one of the daycare workers. Well, he was given a talking too at home AND had to apologize the next day when he went in..And yes, he remembered why he was apologizing. I had to apologize for things I did wrong as a kid(yup! even then kids did things they were not supposed too). I had to apologize face to face!! THAT was embarrasing let me tell you. Granted, there is kids being kids and really hurting another child, i understand that, but maybe everyone should remember their childhood and if they had some issues they regret....:scared1:

ERMama
09-22-2008, 12:11 PM
this thread reminds me why i feel so self conscious about my kids behavior. there are still alot of people out there convinced you can "cure" any bad behavior by simply being a good parent and any child who exhibits bad behavior must have horrible parents. i know there are bad parents out there but unless we truly know this other child, give her and her parents a little slack.
my son has adhd and can get physical when mad or embarrassed. hes 7. he went thru a biting phase in daycare years ago but i wouldnt be totally suprised to hear of him doing something silly like that now (hasnt even remotely happened). you cant tell he can have issues just by looking at him. most people dont realize it because hes normal now most of the time.
if he does act up and we are viewed as bad parents, its sad. weve had him in therapy of some sort since he was 2. hes been getting special ed thru the school district since he was 3 (and still gets pulled for sp. ed help now in second grade). for over a year now weve gone to monthly therapy sessions with someone who specializes in kids like him. hes made great strides.
but he will never be perfect enough for all the parents out there like you.
sorry, but threads like these automatically attacking people you dont even know really hit home for me.

who bit your little girl? another LITTLE girl.
be a little upset, of course, its mama bear time and i understand that. if shes sad, of course try to cheer her up with a pep talk and teach her about right and wrong. but try to have a bit of empathy for the other kid too.
she too is still quite young and her behavior may not be entirely her own fault.

TammyAlphabet
09-22-2008, 12:18 PM
We had just moved to a new town and on the first day of fourth grade, my son was bitten, on the back, by another fourth grade student. Fourth grade!!!!! They did nothing about it. He is a junior now, and, I am proud to say, I am almost over it. ;)

jeepgirl30
09-22-2008, 12:54 PM
My DD got bit a few times in daycare. Once I found the bite on her back at bath time and freaked! It was the nastiest looking full mouth mark that had turned bruised. She told me who it was, a child that punched her in the mouth a week before. I got an accident report that time. I went into daycare and demanded to know why I had not gotten an accident report for the massive wound on her back and also wanted to know if the child's mother had been informed. She had not. They only told the wounded child's parents.

Well policy now has changed. I went to pick up DD and DS one day and had a note waiting. DS had bit another child. I saw the child and was mortified. I made my son walk up to the other child's parent and appologize to both the child and the parent.

The crazy thing is my son had an accident as a child and knocked out 5 teeth. In order to bit he has to really work hard and turn his head at just the right angle.

I found out it was not the first time he did it. I was upset because how can I discipline him if I am not aware he is doing it. DD never bit anyone and I thought DS couldn't!

DS is now 5 and once and awhile when really pushed by his sis he will still go in for the bit. Yes we do immediately stop it but when he is at his end that is his reaction. We are still working on it.

Mouse House Mama
09-22-2008, 01:51 PM
this thread reminds me why i feel so self conscious about my kids behavior. there are still alot of people out there convinced you can "cure" any bad behavior by simply being a good parent and any child who exhibits bad behavior must have horrible parents. i know there are bad parents out there but unless we truly know this other child, give her and her parents a little slack.
my son has adhd and can get physical when mad or embarrassed. hes 7. he went thru a biting phase in daycare years ago but i wouldnt be totally suprised to hear of him doing something silly like that now (hasnt even remotely happened). you cant tell he can have issues just by looking at him. most people dont realize it because hes normal now most of the time.
if he does act up and we are viewed as bad parents, its sad. weve had him in therapy of some sort since he was 2. hes been getting special ed thru the school district since he was 3 (and still gets pulled for sp. ed help now in second grade). for over a year now weve gone to monthly therapy sessions with someone who specializes in kids like him. hes made great strides.
but he will never be perfect enough for all the parents out there like you.
sorry, but threads like these automatically attacking people you dont even know really hit home for me.

who bit your little girl? another LITTLE girl.
be a little upset, of course, its mama bear time and i understand that. if shes sad, of course try to cheer her up with a pep talk and teach her about right and wrong. but try to have a bit of empathy for the other kid too.
she too is still quite young and her behavior may not be entirely her own fault.

:hug:
Look- nobody is saying they are perfect parents, but you yourself said that you are aware of your child possibly having this issue. He is diagnosed and I would imagine that they school is also aware of his struggles. I could be wrong but since you mentione a diagnosis I figure the school is in on it. So if your 7 year old bit my child honestly, yeah, I would be mad. Not at the child really but at the school who knew that the child was struggling with this and did nothing to protect both children.

I_Know_You2!
09-22-2008, 02:50 PM
I get what you are saying but I guess I am a little naive and perhaps a bit old school. If my kid bit you can bet they will be marching themselves over to apologize in person as well as a letter of apology. Stupidly I guess I assume (yeah I know- never assume:rolleyes: ) that other parents would react the same way. Oh- and I suppose I will be flamed for this but yes, I would tell my kid to do something if they were continually hurt by another kid. Not bite but yeah, I would tell them to push the kid etc. to get them away so they didn't get bit.

ditto.

jodifla
09-22-2008, 05:25 PM
:hug:
Look- nobody is saying they are perfect parents, but you yourself said that you are aware of your child possibly having this issue. He is diagnosed and I would imagine that they school is also aware of his struggles. I could be wrong but since you mentione a diagnosis I figure the school is in on it. So if your 7 year old bit my child honestly, yeah, I would be mad. Not at the child really but at the school who knew that the child was struggling with this and did nothing to protect both children.

And how do you suggest they "protect" both children, exactly?

julezdisney
09-22-2008, 05:53 PM
Aww... so sorry for your DD! My DD had a similar situation. The first Friday of the school year, I hear from my DD that a boy hit her/scratched her AND punched her in the mouth! I was in shock! I check the voicemail to hear them say that she was "scratched" and the child was dealt with according to school policy (which DD informed me was a trip to the principals office). I was upset but since I helped w/this class, I had a pretty good idea who the kid was. It also didn't happen in the reg. class but in 'art' class, with a different teacher. Turns out they were put into groups and this boy was in her group.

Next Friday comes along, art class, and again little boy hits DD. This time, no one sees, no punishment. I told DD to stick up for herself. Tell teacher that mom says she needs to be moved. If teach asks why- tell her because so-and-so hits me and my mom says so.

Sure enough, the 3rd Friday comes, and I ask DD if any problems with boy. She says, "NOPE! I told teacher to move me!" and I said, "You did?! Good! Did she ask you why?" and she says, "Yup, I told her my mom said so."

LOL.

Now we're on wk 5 and last Friday in art, teacher kept with the new groups, and no problems with the boy since. I help in class every Thursday so I know this little boy to be very boisterous and exhuberantly talks with his hands. Also likes to wrestle. But is really the sweetest little thing otherwise. DD and I both suspect he's sweet on her, actually.

But I'm glad teacher didn't require me to call her, and I'm proud of DD for sticking up for herself and speaking up. It was just what I'd hoped she'd learn from the situation. No need to fight back, but don't take it either.