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View Full Version : A Perfect Gift ?


Pirate-Jeff
07-28-2008, 11:55 AM
Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket taser for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest.
The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser.
The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.
I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing!
I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that
it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There
I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little
soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really
needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must
admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and
thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give
this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want
some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt with my reading glasses
perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand,
and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would
shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed
to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second
burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a
fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting
the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about
5' long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded
with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...?
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side
as to say, 'don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such
a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a
one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked
thigh, pushed the button, and . . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS
OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . .WHAT THE HECK!!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up
in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over
and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position,
with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, chest on fire, with my left arm tucked under my body in the
oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing
sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above
the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body
flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note
of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap
yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your
hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst
would be considered conservative?THAT KNOCKED THE FIRE OUT OF ME, THAT HURT
LIKE HECK!!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at
that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and
surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the
mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about
8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh
and my chest were still twitching. My face felt like it had been
shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had
no control over the drooling.
Apparently I soiled myself, but was too numb to know for sure and
my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my
head which I believe came from my hair.

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!
'If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid.'

2goofycampers
07-28-2008, 12:04 PM
I want one. Sounds like a fun Saturday afternoon. ;)

Gatordad
07-28-2008, 01:20 PM
don't tase me bro

ntsammy5
07-28-2008, 01:35 PM
don't tase me bro

didn't that happen in your neck of the woods?

Gatordad
07-28-2008, 01:38 PM
nope, don't know what you are talking about..... might have been someone else you are thinking of.
:rolleyes1

TxTink :)
07-28-2008, 01:45 PM
:rotfl2:That is hysterically funny! :rotfl2: and a good lesson too! Well, now he knows it works. :)

HappyCamper87
07-28-2008, 02:38 PM
Thanks for the story Jeff.

My boss is in his office like this :rotfl2:

des1954
07-28-2008, 02:51 PM
:rotfl2: :rotfl2: :rotfl2:

Born 2 Fish
07-28-2008, 03:34 PM
I want one. Sounds like a fun Saturday afternoon. ;)

I WANT ONE TOO !!! Wouldn't it be great to get the whole neighborhood to get these things and go out to the woods and play Taser Tag !


Jeff , that is way funny !:rotfl2:

Pirate-Jeff
07-28-2008, 05:32 PM
I WANT ONE TOO !!! Wouldn't it be great to get the whole neighborhood to get these things and go out to the woods and play Taser Tag !


Jeff , that is way funny !:rotfl2:

How about we all get them for the Halloween GG it could be Fun......

I have the Deluxe thats takes a 9v battery

clkelley
07-28-2008, 06:48 PM
From the name of the pawn shop, it sounds like that story came from Huntsville. "Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop" That place has been an institution here forever, and I don't think it's a franchise.

LONE-STAR
07-28-2008, 07:22 PM
Wow was that guy clueless or what??

RvUsa
07-28-2008, 07:41 PM
OMG I am crying, that was so funny. I know that the description is accurate, I have 2 family members that are police officers, and they both had to be shocked, one is a local patrolman, and one is a seargant in the ohio stat police, and he gets to do it to rookies once a week.

They both said, that a 1 second blast is the most intense thing they have ever encountered!

Thanks man, I needed that.

Pirate-Jeff
07-28-2008, 08:38 PM
From the name of the pawn shop, it sounds like that story came from Huntsville. "Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop" That place has been an institution here forever, and I don't think it's a franchise. Could be my MIL sent it to me. I had to clean it up a bit for the boards

kc5grw
07-28-2008, 08:45 PM
I should give one to my son. He and his friends can be just stupid enough to make a game of that.

That story was just too darn funny.

BigDaddyRog
07-28-2008, 08:49 PM
I should give one to my son. He and his friends can be just stupid enough to make a game of that.

That story was just too darn funny.

Thank god these things weren't readily available in the 80s....your son & his friends sound a little like me & my gang of overly intelligent intellectuals!!!:sad2:

kc5grw
07-28-2008, 08:55 PM
Yup. They be havin "Don't Tase Me Bro" parties. :rotfl:

AuburnJen92
07-28-2008, 08:59 PM
my mom bought me one of those things back in the 90's when i was in college (back when that horrible man was at florida doing those things we shall not go into here)

i only had to use it once in my lifetime...

and no rog and pete, it wasn't on chris...:lmao:

Pirate-Jeff
07-28-2008, 09:08 PM
my mom bought me one of those things back in the 90's when i was in college (back when that horrible man was at florida doing those things we shall not go into here)

i only had to use it once in my lifetime...

and no rog and pete, it wasn't on chris...:lmao:

How did it work ? and has Slacktester been the same since ?

AuburnJen92
07-28-2008, 09:12 PM
Nah, it was on an old boyfriend...it is actually broken and in the garage, one of the wires needs to be soldered back on

It is neat though...it is actually a billy club that has the whole end of it with a metal end so if you grab it, you get the business end just like if you got hit with the two prongs on the tip of the club...pretty wicked!

Gatordad
07-28-2008, 09:17 PM
my mom bought me one of those things back in the 90's when i was in college (back when that horrible man was at florida doing those things we shall not go into here)

i only had to use it once in my lifetime...

and no rog and pete, it wasn't on chris...:lmao:

Chris is alright in my book. It was probably that other guy you dated.

AuburnJen92
07-28-2008, 09:24 PM
I only dated him a month, he was a real a$$. He tried to hit me. It didn't work too well. Imagine that?

Born 2 Fish
07-29-2008, 05:38 AM
it is actually a billy club that has the whole end of it with a metal end so if you grab it, you get the business end just like if you got hit with the two prongs on the tip of the club...pretty wicked!


Great combo,, if the Taser part didn't shock them, then you just beat the snot out of them with the club! Cool !

tinah159
07-29-2008, 06:40 AM
How about we all get them for the Halloween GG it could be Fun......



If I can make for the GG, We will bring Darrell's...His shoots the prongs out as well as a contact stun...That might be entertaining.
:yay:

Born 2 Fish
07-29-2008, 06:45 AM
Thats what I'm talk'n about ! What could be cooler than two hooked barbs under the skin !
I volunteer my neighbor to try it first !:rotfl2:

2goofycampers
07-29-2008, 09:03 AM
Thank god these things weren't readily available in the 80s:

Toga & Taser parties. Better wear some underwear. ;)

Gatordad
07-29-2008, 09:13 AM
I only dated him a month, he was a real a$$. He tried to hit me. It didn't work too well. Imagine that?

I hope he got one shot in before you clobbered his butt......

Just Beachy
07-29-2008, 09:23 AM
Toga & Taser parties. Better wear some underwear. ;)

It might be wise to bring a spare pair, too: ... :lmao:

ram101
07-29-2008, 10:11 AM
They both said, that a 1 second blast is the most intense thing they have ever encountered!

I will third that but, we have to do 2.5 to 5 seconds! We have to take the "ride" before we are allowed to carry them. For some reason we have to sample the taser and pepper spray. They say it's so we can understand how it feels. I have to argue every time "but, we don't have to get shot with our sidearms or beat with our asps!" never works and the Taser hurts!!!
The new versions are much more powerful then the ones from the 80-90s. Every muscle tightens up and you cannot control yourself. You just drop like a fallen tree!
I do have to say, I would rather get tased then pepper sprayed. Pepper spray is a gift that keeps on given! If you ever get this (guys) do not get a shower in warm water and let the water run down your front side..... OOOOUUUCH:scared1: :scared1:

AuburnJen92
07-29-2008, 10:13 AM
I hope he got one shot in before you clobbered his butt......

I laughed hysterically while he tried to pick himself off the floor and crawl out the side door of the house...I never saw him outside of band again (he flunked out after that year) and he gave me at least a 50 yard variance. It was cool.

RvUsa
07-29-2008, 10:59 AM
I will third that but, we have to do 2.5 to 5 seconds! We have to take the "ride" before we are allowed to carry them. For some reason we have to sample the taser and pepper spray. They say it's so we can understand how it feels. I have to argue every time "but, we don't have to get shot with our sidearms or beat with our asps!" never works and the Taser hurts!!!
The new versions are much more powerful then the ones from the 80-90s. Every muscle tightens up and you cannot control yourself. You just drop like a fallen tree!
I do have to say, I would rather get tased then pepper sprayed. Pepper spray is a gift that keeps on given! If you ever get this (guys) do not get a shower in warm water and let the water run down your front side..... OOOOUUUCH:scared1: :scared1:

Yeah, they both said the pepper spray sucks pretty bad. The cousin in Oh, is a training Officer now, he does high speed driving training, but has to fill in sometimes, and gets to spray and neuter the rookies...:lmao::lmao:

AuburnJen92
07-30-2008, 10:39 AM
This happened one block from my house yesterday and Chris had to show his ID to get home from him and CJ going returning with the neighbor on his boat fishing. I guess it is time to get the soldering gun out and fix my billyclub/stungun...

http://www.tcpalm.com/news/2008/jul/30/30gthomeowner-shoots-man-through-kitchen-window/