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View Full Version : Sons new girlfriend - what do you think..quite worried- Update 24th April - SAD!


peanut1967
04-17-2008, 01:45 PM
:sad1:
So 4 weeks ago my son meets a girl.

My son gives his heart so easily, he is almost 19 and is a joiner.

she as told us that she as lung cancer and that she as approx 18 months to live, she also as crohens desease.......

She works 32 hours a week, takes care of 6 horses, ice skates 3/4 times a week, no problems with breathing. When I have asked my son how her parents cope he has said that she doesnt talk to her parents about it because they dont like to talk about it.
She as told me that the doctors are not treating the cancer but are more worried about her crohens....BTW this is the second time she as had lung cancer.
Last night she told my son that she is now in full remission...this is without treatment....

This doesnt sit well with me...
what do you think

HerdOHuds
04-17-2008, 01:48 PM
Without meeting the girl and hearing the way she is telling these major things, my gut reaction would be that perhaps she is seeking attention. Isn't that Munchhausen (sp?) syndrome? It certainly does sound fishy.:confused3

HolidayRoad
04-17-2008, 01:52 PM
:sad1:
So 4 weeks ago my son meets a girl.

My son gives his heart so easily, he is almost 19 and is a joiner.

she as told us that she as lung cancer and that she as approx 18 months to live, she also as crohens desease.......

She works 32 hours a week, takes care of 6 horses, ice skates 3/4 times a week, no problems with breathing. When I have asked my son how her parents cope he has said that she doesnt talk to her parents about it because they dont like to talk about it.
She as told me that the doctors are not treating the cancer but are more worried about her crohens....BTW this is the second time she as had lung cancer.
Last night she told my son that she is now in full remission...this is without treatment....

This doesnt sit well with me...
what do you think
I think you know what everyone thinks, she sounds like a whack job. Run, run fast, run long but most assuredly run away. Remember you wanted opinions. Nothing good can come from this.

DVCsince02
04-17-2008, 01:52 PM
If it sounds too good to be true.... it probably is.

KayLuvsMickey
04-17-2008, 01:53 PM
I could be wrong, but if she had "cancer" or even just with the other ailments, she would be fatigued I'm sure. When my uncle had cancer he was really tired a lot! He definately couldn't work and care for horses when he got bad. :(

HolidayRoad
04-17-2008, 01:54 PM
Without meeting the girl and hearing the way she is telling these major things, my gut reaction would be that perhaps she is seeking attention. Isn't that Munchhausen (sp?) syndrome? It certainly does sound fishy.:confused3
Yes it is and here is a link.

http://www.med-help.net/Munchhausen.html

AKBAFB
04-17-2008, 01:58 PM
From the information provided, it doesn't sound like her story adds up IMO. I would press for more details (without accusing anyone of anything) and then follow your instincts based on what you know. Hopefully you can do this in a way that doesn't offend your son and drive him further toward her defensively and then gently guide him out of this relationship if needed. (Easier said than done, right!) Good luck!

Kaler131
04-17-2008, 02:01 PM
Good luck with that! :grouphug: Sounds kinda fishy....

thegrimdwarf
04-17-2008, 02:04 PM
Well, from what I know about lung cancer, I'd say that's she's probably not being honest. Most people don't conquer lung cancer once and go on to get it again. Let alone conquer it, get a job, work horses and ice skate.

I'd say she has some issues, and you're right to be worried. I'd be very blunt if it were my child wrapped up with someone like that - you can sugar-coat as much as you think he needs, but be very clear that you believe this girl isn't presenting herself in an honest way.

And I have to add - if it is all true, my heart goes out to her and your son.

SharpMomOfTwo
04-17-2008, 02:06 PM
Your son may flip if you do this, but have you concidered calling the girls parents? Prefence it as if you are calling with concern for the girls health, but really just try to get all the info on her as you can. I don't want to be rude, but it sounds like you got a Britney on your hands here - maybe shes Bi-Polar or something like that... whatever it is, something just isn't adding up at all. Do the girl and your son have any mutual friends that may know a bit more about her? Good luck with this one....

mom2girlsn1boy
04-17-2008, 02:25 PM
sounds really fishy to me and I would really bring this to your sons attention

Disney Brat
04-17-2008, 02:32 PM
It does sound a bit fishy to me as well. I just lost my Aunt to lung cancer at the end of Jan. She was in constant pain, tired, and spent most of her time in bed. She was short of breath, and it seemed to take a lot of effort to have a conversation. She was diagnosed and given 6-9 months to live. She lived 8 months.

peanut1967
04-17-2008, 03:05 PM
Your son may flip if you do this, but have you concidered calling the girls parents? Prefence it as if you are calling with concern for the girls health, but really just try to get all the info on her as you can. I don't want to be rude, but it sounds like you got a Britney on your hands here - maybe shes Bi-Polar or something like that... whatever it is, something just isn't adding up at all. Do the girl and your son have any mutual friends that may know a bit more about her? Good luck with this one....

Firstly thanks to everyone, like someone else said if it is true...well I will feel just awful that I have felt this way.

Shes come to our house to night with a massive tattoo on her back that she has had done today.......she reckons that she bleeds a lot, now I know my uncle has had cancer and he does find it hard to stop bleeding....so if this is the case you wouldnt have a tatoo done!!

Dont know where she lives as yet...but trying to find a way of contacting her parents.

guys I am so worried about this situation, my son needs to find out for himself...but I need to help this one along a bit...I will keep you all posted...thankyou

Disney Brat
04-17-2008, 03:16 PM
Firstly thanks to everyone, like someone else said if it is true...well I will feel just awful that I have felt this way.

Shes come to our house to night with a massive tattoo on her back that she has had done today.......she reckons that she bleeds a lot, now I know my uncle has had cancer and he does find it hard to stop bleeding....so if this is the case you wouldnt have a tatoo done!!

Dont know where she lives as yet...but trying to find a way of contacting her parents.

guys I am so worried about this situation, my son needs to find out for himself...but I need to help this one along a bit...I will keep you all posted...thankyou


:grouphug: I am sorry that you are in such a tough position!! :grouphug:

AuroraBeauty
04-17-2008, 04:46 PM
Wow, what an interesting young lady.

From Medicinenet.com:
The overall prognosis for lung cancer is poor when compared with some other cancers. Survival rates for lung cancer are generally lower than those for most cancers, with an overall five-year survival rate for lung cancer of about 16% compared to 65% for colon cancer, 89% for breast cancer, and over 99% for prostate cancer.


That speaks volumes to me. Without treatment I doubt her lung cancer would just go into remission.

Maybe you can do a short internet search and get just enough info to make yourself dangerous. Ask her a few questions, not in a nosey way but in a more inquisitive way -- make up some story about a friend who has/had LC. As the girl if it was small cell or non-small cell or what stage. (or even make up a 3rd type and see if she picks that one) You can ask her if she'd recommend her doctor b/c you have a colleague on the DIS in your area who needs a second opinion.

I don't normally advocate any sort of lying or surreptitiousness but I think you need to bring out the big guns.

A complete remission is when the tumor disappears so that it cannot be seen on X-rays. However, unfortunately even if a lung cancer goes into a complete remission, it usually eventually starts to grow again.

Here is an interesting website about teens and cancer.
http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/diseases_conditions/cancer/types_of_cancer.html

You're in an awkward position -- but then what parent of a teen isn't. Yours just is a bit more unique. If you can gather more information your son might be more willing to see your side of the story.

To me, it seems odd that a parent of a child (even a teen) with cancer wouldn't want to be around. I know it's hard to see a child ill, but cancer? I know she's a teen, but to be so nonchalant about having cancer -- twice! -- doesn't seem 'developmentally appropriate'.

As for the Crohns, she may very well have that. Crohns is an autoimmune disorder of the gastrointestinal tract. The symptoms can be episodic (come and go) w/o explanation. You can ask the girl over for dinner and in doing so ask her if there are certain foods she must avoid due to her Crohns -- many have to avoid dairy or spicy foods.

Good for you for being concerned! Some might see it as nosy but it's one thing to see your son's heart broken, it's another to see him being manipulated.

Best Wishes!

Not so Dumbo
04-17-2008, 05:39 PM
I have a 2nd cousin by marriage that has Crohn's. She has a 5 yo son that she has a hardtime taking care of because the disease makes her very fatigued. So I don't know how someone would have enough energy to do all of the thing you say she does.

cheerforchelsea
04-17-2008, 06:07 PM
Sounds really fishy to me......my husband is one of the RARE survivors of lung cancer (20 years now) But it did not go away by itself.....he had part of one of his lungs removed and chemo for 9 months...he was in his 20s and one of the very very fortunate ones that have survived lung cancer. I remember he was extremely tired and short of breath. Sounds like you son's girlfriend has some major problems but I think they are not in her lungs.....I believe that God answers prayers so I will keep you in mine.....:grouphug:

TDISFAMILY
04-17-2008, 06:45 PM
guys I am so worried about this situation, my son needs to find out for himself...but I need to help this one along a bit...I will keep you all posted...thankyou

Good luck I hope all turns out well:sad2:

design_mom
04-17-2008, 07:25 PM
I have a 2nd cousin by marriage that has Crohn's. She has a 5 yo son that she has a hardtime taking care of because the disease makes her very fatigued. So I don't know how someone would have enough energy to do all of the thing you say she does.

I have Crohn's. There was a time (before I was officially diagnosed) where I was in very bad shape -- very fatigued, could barely take care of myself or our son. (My DH was wonderful.) Once I got the official diagnosis and started meds, I got much better... and now I've been "weaned off the meds" and do pretty well without any.

Crohn's definitely has it's ups and downs. Flare ups can be *baaaaddd* but you can live a normal life between flare-ups. When you're free of symptoms, they call that "remission," too.

Still...something about this girl's story doesn't add up.

Aliceacc
04-17-2008, 07:44 PM
While I'm pretty sure that she's a little.... shall we say "confused??"-- you didn't ask about her. You asked about your son.

While my kids are WAY younger than yours, I do teach High School. So I'm confident in saying that the moment you use the phrase "whack job" in reference to his new girl, his first inclination will probably be to profess his undying love and propose marriage.

I would tread very carefully. Let him know that she, like all his friends, is always welcome in your home. Show concern for her health, but don't sound skeptical-- the moment it sounds like the third degree, your son will get his hackles up and you'll be out of the loop. Remember: he's 19-- legally an adult. You can't exert any influence once you're shut out.

At some point, your son will return to the rational being you raised and see the real picture. Don't risk driving him away before that happens.

sandiegosusie
04-17-2008, 08:01 PM
Your son may flip if you do this, but have you concidered calling the girls parents? Prefence it as if you are calling with concern for the girls health, but really just try to get all the info on her as you can. I don't want to be rude, but it sounds like you got a Britney on your hands here - maybe shes Bi-Polar or something like that... whatever it is, something just isn't adding up at all. Do the girl and your son have any mutual friends that may know a bit more about her? Good luck with this one....


I agree...call the girls parents and prepare your son for the worst!

Rylee
04-17-2008, 08:08 PM
:sad1:
So 4 weeks ago my son meets a girl.

My son gives his heart so easily, he is almost 19 and is a joiner.

she as told us that she as lung cancer and that she as approx 18 months to live, she also as crohens desease.......

She works 32 hours a week, takes care of 6 horses, ice skates 3/4 times a week, no problems with breathing. When I have asked my son how her parents cope he has said that she doesnt talk to her parents about it because they dont like to talk about it.
She as told me that the doctors are not treating the cancer but are more worried about her crohens....BTW this is the second time she as had lung cancer.
Last night she told my son that she is now in full remission...this is without treatment....

This doesnt sit well with me...
what do you think

I think you need to proceed with caution.

It does seem this girl has issues... attention getting, to say the least.

You know your son, so you might be able to gage his reaction, but... sometimes when a parent tries to discourage a "relationship," it only pushes the child away from the parent and closer to the girl/boy friend.

At this point, I would approach the girl friend, in a concerned way, and ask questions which express interest, rather than disbelief... you don't want it to become a "Mom -vs- girlfriend" battle, with your son in the middle.

At the same time... I would learn about these so-called illnesses, and engage your son in conversations, pointing out actual symptoms, etc., and hope he'll come to realize his girl friend is stringing him along and seeking sympathy.

I understand your son is your first priority, as he should be but...

1) We can't always shield or protect our children from trouble and heartbreak.
2) I think this girl could really use a friend.

Diamondintheruff
04-17-2008, 08:09 PM
So I'm confident in saying that the moment you use the phrase "whack job" in reference to his new girl, his first inclination will probably be to profess his undying love and propose marriage.


I was just going to say something to this effect. I have a cousin who married her "whack job" of a boyfriend in secret because her parents prohibited her from seeing him. And NO they are not together but there is still a strain between her parents and her.

Tread cautiously.

tjlovespooh
04-17-2008, 08:12 PM
I have a 2nd cousin by marriage that has Crohn's. She has a 5 yo son that she has a hardtime taking care of because the disease makes her very fatigued. So I don't know how someone would have enough energy to do all of the thing you say she does.

She wouldn't have the energy to do all she does even if she only had active Crohn's minus the cancer she claims to have. I was diagnosed with Crohn's about 10 years ago and let me tell you - when it's bad, it really wipes me out!
I wouldn't trust this young woman is telling the truth. I agree with a PP that you could invite her over for dinner and use it as an opportunity to "quiz" her (after doing some crohn's/lung cancer research). Keep in mind though that she may have already "studied" these conditions herself.

tjlovespooh
04-17-2008, 08:18 PM
I have Crohn's. There was a time (before I was officially diagnosed) where I was in very bad shape -- very fatigued, could barely take care of myself or our son. (My DH was wonderful.) Once I got the official diagnosis and started meds, I got much better... and now I've been "weaned off the meds" and do pretty well without any.

.

Wow - congrats! Crohn's is a disease with many degrees of severity. Glad to hear your Crohn's is under control and I hope it stays that way:hug:

camdensmom
04-17-2008, 08:51 PM
Kill her with kindness.

She either a) is telling the truth and in that case really needs help and support or b) is lying through her teeth and you can easily "out her" by getting her to stumble on her own.

I'm assuming it is b.

Ask lots of questions. Act as if you are asking out of concern and interest and not to 'catch her in a lie.' Suggest getting together with her parents. Invite them over.

crisi
04-17-2008, 09:14 PM
I would suggest you get your son involved. His girlfriend has lung cancer. That's tragic and I'm sure the American Lung Association would love some of his time as a volunteer, or he could do some work at the cancer clinic. After all, if his girlfriend was lucky enough to survive, he almost OWES it to those in a rougher spot to help out. Give him lots of informaiton and opportunities to get involved.

(I did some work for the American Lung Association in college).

Frankiesmom
04-17-2008, 10:58 PM
gotta agree with the other PP's- don't try to push him away from her;that will only make him like her more. Kill her with kindness; he'll come to see that she has a lot of serious issues. Good luck!

bumbershoot
04-18-2008, 12:00 AM
I had a friend in HS who always had something very wrong with her. In her case it was usually pregnancy. She always seemed to be pregnant, or drinking heavily at school to stop the pregnancy. When I came home from college she said she had had a baby, it was with her abusive ex's parents, and that HER parents (that she lived with) knew nothing about it. Yeah, whatever. Oh and could I be the godmother (she was Catholic, I was not) without meeting the baby or even seeing a picture (keeping the picture there was too dangerous), and that was asked while she was doing cocaine on her parents' living room table while everyone was asleep.

My point is that even when someone has friends, they can still lie their teeth off about anything.

Now I will say it's possible to heal from cancer without western medical treatment; my husband healed a benign but fast-growing brain tumor (no surgery possible at the time, the radiation had the potential of blindness, memory loss, and other things my husband felt were impossible to live with at 24, and with its growth rate they were giving him a prognosis of 6 months) with an extreme macrobiotic diet, enzymes, and barometric chamber treatments, all while having MRIs done to show it shrinking....BUT it cost the WORLD b/c it was all out of pocket (nowadays Seattle has a cancer treatment center that would have included those things along with western medicine, but not in the early 90s, and it still probably isn't covered by insurance), including the follow-up MRIs every few months. So if she were doing these things for her lung cancer, she wouldn't be fatigued like western medicine causes you to be while under treatment for cancers, she might even be energized b/c of the pure diet, but she wouldn't have the MONEY to do the other things.

Therefore, I don't believe a word she says.

But if anyone had told me that my friend was nuts, well, I would have secretly agreed, but at the time she was my only friend (my other friends took issue with my dating boys that liked me and didn't like them, when they had "dibs" on said boys, or had met the boys first) and I was lonely enough with her, let alone completely without her.

Therefore, in a way, it could be seen as a parallel to a young man with a new girlfriend, the lonely feeling and being scared to be all alone...

I do hope you can find SOME way to broach the subject with him, b/c I really wish that someone could have told me how nuts my friend was. I spent many hours on the phone with her, consoling her, talking her down from threatened suicide...all the while not telling my mom, refusing to let my mom tell her mom the few things I did tell her, and so on. Would have made my senior year much nicer if I could have just "dumped" her!

disney_momma21
04-18-2008, 12:25 AM
I'm sorry for all that you are dealing with regarding your son's new girlfriend. I agree with previous posters that said the best thing to do is to proceed with caution. It's a tough situation no matter how you look at it. Hang in there. :hug:

stacy6552
04-18-2008, 05:10 AM
Call her parents and ask if there's anything you can do. You'll get the truth, right then and you wont be the bad guy for asking that.

peanut1967
04-18-2008, 09:02 AM
hi

firstly thankyou for all your support and making me feel like I am not going mad feeling this way....

I have managed to get her Mums phone number. I started the conversation with..
' we are looking at going to Florida next year and I wondered which insurance we need to look at for Kay'

a bit sneaky but needs must.

Mum told me that she didnt need extra insurance for her Crohens.

I then said that although I knew she didnt like talking about it....what about her cancer.

Silence....


then she said What Cancer?

Her Lung Cancer....the one she has had twice and as only 18 months to live with...

Well you guessed it she doesnt have cancer or six horses.....

so son now knows, hes very quiet and at this moment I am still very worried about him...

I will keep you all posted

Angie

DVCsince02
04-18-2008, 09:10 AM
Your Mom instincts were right on and good for you for getting to the bottom of it all!!!

Your son will be fine and if he gets upset, you tell him you would rather he be mad at you for telling him the truth, than being mad at himself for believing a lie.

peanut1967
04-18-2008, 09:21 AM
Your Mom instincts were right on and good for you for getting to the bottom of it all!!!

Your son will be fine and if he gets upset, you tell him you would rather he be mad at you for telling him the truth, than being mad at himself for believing a lie.

Thankyou

Angie

peanut1967
04-18-2008, 09:40 AM
I believe she may have

munchausen syndrome:

http://www.clevelandclinic.org/health/health-info/docs/2800/2821.asp?index=9833

TDISFAMILY
04-18-2008, 10:17 AM
I'm glad you got to the truth:thumbsup2 I hope your son has a easy time dealing with this new truth.

Honeymooner04
04-18-2008, 10:21 AM
I'm glad you were able to get to the truth....maybe this revealation will be the catalyst this poor girl needs to get the help she obviously needs. Hugs to your son, this must be awful to deal with. Good luck!

Merriwind
04-18-2008, 10:22 AM
You are a good mom. Hugs to you and your son.

peanut1967
04-18-2008, 10:34 AM
Thankyou so much everyone...

Son isnt talking to me at the moment, he wont let me hug him and hes staying out tonight at a friends house....

hopefully in a few days he will come round.

DVCsince02
04-18-2008, 10:41 AM
He may be 19, but he is still a teen. Let him deal on his own. He's probably mad at himself that he believed her. He'll be better tomorrow.
Just move forward and good luck!

Bethy Lou
04-18-2008, 11:19 AM
Your poor son! Your son might be irritated now, but hewill realize your wisdom later.

nicolemomof4cuties
04-18-2008, 12:01 PM
Run, run fast, run long but most assuredly run away.

:rotfl2: :lmao: :rotfl:

Funny yet so VERY TRUE!!!!!!!

crisi
04-18-2008, 12:11 PM
You are a sneaky mom. Hopefully, he will soon realize you are a good mom.

momtwo4
04-18-2008, 01:16 PM
You are a great Mom. So glad you were able to talk with the girlfriend Mom and get the truth out there! I'm sure your son will come around, he's just hurt right now.

AKBAFB
04-18-2008, 01:57 PM
You are a wonderful mother. Excellent job! Your son will come around. This would be hard for anyone to take, but the truth had to come out. He will realize that it's better that he knows sooner rather than later. He's lucky to have a mom who's so caring.:hug:

peanut1967
04-18-2008, 02:11 PM
Thankyou so much for all the kind words.

I think part of the problem is pride with him, he just didnt see it. He really beleived everything this girl said, and he gave her his heart.

She was even talking to him about giving her morphine shots when she needed them:eek:

Her mother must be so embarrassed, this girl needs leading to the doctors to get her head sorted.

Angie

Aliceacc
04-18-2008, 02:51 PM
At least now someone in a position to help this poor girl is aware of the problem!!

DVCsince02
04-18-2008, 03:15 PM
And maybe he won't be so quick to give his heart. This really is a great life lesson, he just needs some time to realize it.

peanut1967
04-24-2008, 12:50 PM
so after all this....

he still believes she as lung cancer....she has told him that she didnt tell her mum...who she lives with because she doesnt want to upset her...hes thinking of getting back with her...

I am in tears

Bethy Lou
04-24-2008, 01:11 PM
OH NO! What a terrible person that girl is. I am so very sorry you are dealing with this awful girl. I am at a loss now I hope someone has some great advice for you.:grouphug:

frtchr
04-24-2008, 01:13 PM
It sounds like a terrible situation, and I'm sorry. This girl obviously needs some serious help. You can't rescue him from everything, though. You've said your piece. Now it's up to him. :hug:

ncmtnmom
04-24-2008, 01:19 PM
I feel your pain! My 17 yr old son has a girlfriend that drives me crazy. She has told him sooo many lies!! I have caught her in them, he has caught her in them. He gets mad and breaks up with her and within 2 days he's right back with her. Tells me that it really wasn't that bad and it was all blown out of proportion. He'll forgive her for anything!! She slept with one of his football teammates while he was gone to his Dad's house over the summer, she called him last spring while he was away visiting his Dad for a long weekend and told him she had been in a bad car crash with her friend and she was hurt. Made him worry the whole time and feel guilty for not being there for her. That turned out to be a complete fabrication!! Claims that her stepdad gave her a black eye. There was no black eye when we saw her a few hours later!

Boys that age are totally clueless. At least mine is. Now I just found out that he has been skipping school with her all the time and because of attendance policies he has no chance of graduating high school this year!! I am SO mad!

Sorry to vent on your thread! I wish you luck!! Maybe your son will see the light! I have a feeling mine will be married to this goofy girl as soon as he turns 18 in July. UGH!!

PEANUT1
04-24-2008, 01:19 PM
I think you have to be careful not to alienate your son. If he wants to believe the girl right now....eventually he will learn the truth. If he really loves her, unfortunatley there is not much you can do to change his mind.

Don't push...let him find his way. Just support him and love him. This is only my opinion. I understand this would be very hard to do.

I have seen family members torn apart by things like this. Just be careful.:flower3:

Andrea

thegrimdwarf
04-24-2008, 01:35 PM
Ugh! I wish I had some wisdom for you. Hopefully he'll see her for what/who she is, and be able to walk away on his own terms. I can't even imagine how you're handling it - I mean, as moms, we always want to smooth the bumpy road for our kids. What a horrible situation for all of you.

jessp1021
04-24-2008, 01:50 PM
Your son might not see it right now but you did him a favor.. honestly is this the kind of girl he wants to be invovled with?? She obviously has some issues she needs to work out on her own.. He will come around.. I am betting that he is imbarassed for being taken for a fool.

jamieT
04-24-2008, 01:58 PM
i agree with Andrea in the respect that you have to be careful, but God gave your son a mom who loves him enough to be concerned. Lucky boy. You do want to be careful in how you handle it, but don't sit back and wait until he has a few kids with her and he's wasted 15 yrs of his life and she gets a restraining order and he has no visitation because she's lied about him hurting her. I am sorry, but people are crazy. Liars are liars. Get him to run far and run fast. I know this senario sounds dramatic, but if he's had this kind of drama with this girl in less than 2 months one can only guess at what's ahead! I wish you luck! This is not an easy situation!

bunnyscootles
04-24-2008, 02:34 PM
so after all this....

he still believes she as lung cancer....she has told him that she didnt tell her mum...who she lives with because she doesnt want to upset her...hes thinking of getting back with her...

I am in tears


I just have give you big hugs, my brother is in a really bad relationship that he just can't seem to get himself out of. My brother is older, but cannot see how manipulated he is either.
I think other's are right, there is a fine line between pushing him away and sitting back and doing nothing.
I'm sure he isn't thinking about this, but how in the world could you have lung cancer without your people who live knowing!? Treatments, office and hospital visits, insurance, co-pays, all that stuff.
Maybe you guys can do some volunteer work with real cancer patients or do some research together on lung cancer.
I really think that he's got to come around to see that his GF is lying to him, and having you point it out to him probably isn't going to work.

Aliceacc
04-24-2008, 03:27 PM
It took him all this time to decide to get back with her-- on some level, he has a lot of doubt about her story.

The next time she says something outrageous (and you know she will), he'll be a bit more dubioius.

As others have mentioned, be the picture of concern. Be incredibly careful not to alienate him and send him running off to play Prince Charming and marry this wacko.

You might want to convince him that her parents really need to know this, in case the illness manifests itself. She may also want to look into a living will and give her parents power of attorney... anything that makes it completely logical for her to tell her parents. God forbid they find out accidentally-- like the doctor who is treating her accidentally calls when she's not home-- they would be devastated to hear from someone else... You get the picture.

CastleCreations
04-24-2008, 04:13 PM
Isn't she under 18? She wouldn't be able to consent to treatment, if she's a minor. I would notify her parents, and if she's telling the truth, I hope she gets well, but I think she needs some serious mental help. Hopefully she isn't a danger to herself or others...:sad2:

Aliceacc
04-24-2008, 04:21 PM
Isn't she under 18? She wouldn't be able to consent to treatment, if she's a minor. I would notify her parents, and if she's telling the truth, I hope she gets well, but I think she needs some serious mental help. Hopefully she isn't a danger to herself or others...:sad2:


The original post said the son was 19, so I assume the girl is probably close to his age.

peanut1967
04-25-2008, 05:54 AM
Isn't she under 18? She wouldn't be able to consent to treatment, if she's a minor. I would notify her parents, and if she's telling the truth, I hope she gets well, but I think she needs some serious mental help. Hopefully she isn't a danger to herself or others...:sad2:
she will be 21 at the end of this month.

Its a really hard situation to be in, I really am stuck and dont know wether to just 'put up and shut up' and let him completely find out for himself and be there for him when he eventually needs me. Or do I phone her mum again...I dont know.

Bethy Lou
04-25-2008, 06:49 AM
Is there a way that you could talk to the girls mother without your son knowing? Maybe act as if you are coming to her as a mother because her daughter is "sick" but cares too much about her to let her know but you thought she should be informed her daughter is "dieing"? Maybe that is too meddling, but I think if I were in your situation I would definitely be meddling all over that situation.