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lovetheprincesses
04-16-2008, 07:41 AM
Hi, my DD, age 8 has been begging to wash her own hair and take care of her own bath. I had just been checking behind her, making sure toes were clean, etc. So I agreed. Anyway, she has VERY thick hair. Her hair looks disgusting. It is a battle each and every morning. She is not rinsing thoroughly, and now has a build-up of shampoo, dirt, etc. in her hair that is just revolting. Although she "washes" her hair every day, this morning, it looked like her hair had not been washed in a month. SO gross. Of course, it matters not to her. I told her tonight, I was washing her hair. Is she too young to handle this, and HOW am I going to get her hair clean now??? I mean it is bad. What can I do to strip it??:worship:

okeydokey
04-16-2008, 07:45 AM
You could probably us a clarifying shampoo. I can understand that she wants to take care of herself. Maybe you can compromise that she will bathe and wash and then just before she finishes, you can come in and do an extra rinse. Tell her that she can't see her own head, but you can and you can see the spots she misses.

KirstenB
04-16-2008, 07:47 AM
I can remember our 10 yr old saying the same thing at that age. Our dd has extremely fine hair, so the opposite problem, but same outcome. If fine hair isn't washed well everyday, you can see every bit of ick in it! Of course she's at the age where she wants long hair, so that adds to the issue. I still helped her with it for about a year. She was fine with taking a bath solo, but not so much the hair. This is the first year she's done a consistently good job of washing her own hair.

problemchild718
04-16-2008, 07:49 AM
You don't have to strip it-just wash it well repeatedly until it feels clean. Maybe switch her to baby shampoo if she continues to take care of her own grooming so it will rinse easier and not build up then retrain her on it til she gets it-must be the age. My DD8 has started wanting more autonomy as well.

kacaju
04-16-2008, 07:51 AM
she sounds just like my 12 year old. I let her wash her own hair, and every once in a while I wash it myself. I just have too because like you said, it's gross and looks like they have not washed it in a month!!

Pooh_Friend#1
04-16-2008, 07:52 AM
I had the same problem when I was a kid and my mom was told by our hair dresser to dump white vinegar in my hair, wrap it up and sit in the sun for 15 minutes. Then wash with Selsun Blue. It got all the gunk out of my hair, and I began to wash my hair a lot better!

Mkaz
04-16-2008, 07:57 AM
Why don't you suggest that she puts in the soap and scrubs? When she is done doing that, you can rinse it to make sure that it is clean. This is what we did with our dd. She started doing that when she was about 6. She has fine "poker straight" hair. The problem wasn't her washing, it was her rinsing. After she got the hang of it, she was good to go. :thumbsup2

ncbyrne
04-16-2008, 07:57 AM
My DGD is 10, and also has VERY thick (and long) hair. She wants to wash it herself, ONLY because she wants to comb it out herself. However, she doesn't comb thru thoroughly and it gets knotty looking (because it is!). Her hair has been a source of arguments since she has been old enough to voice her opinion! Her hair is just above waist length, and she won't cut it because she doesn't want it to get "poofy" (she's basing this on what happened to her friend's hair when it was cut to shoulder length). I only let her wash her hair alone once in a while, but I always check on how well it's been rinsed before she gets out of the shower. I just keep looking forward to the day when she actuall WILL be old enough to do it herself....but even at 10, the time has not yet arrived.

Merriwind
04-16-2008, 08:16 AM
We go through this from time to time. DD10's hair is VERY thick and wavy. It's gorgeous, but can be tough to get everything wash, rinsed, conditioned and rinsed well. We swtiched to a clarifying shampoo with great results. I even use it to get all the gel out of my hair. It tends to get all the gunk, including all shampoo/conditioner residue, out better than creamier shampoos. I do lend a hand every once in a while. I give it a good scrub and rinse. DD often calls one of us in to check when she's rinsing.

Finally, and this may not be a popular option, we cut her hair. It was almost waist length. We cut it to just below her shoulders. This has made a HUGE difference. It is much easier for DD to wash and rinse less hair on her own. It is still long enough to pull back, looks so much healthier--and her waves really perked up, gave her nice body. I wish we had done it earlier.

tzolkin
04-16-2008, 08:16 AM
wow. i thought i was the only one with this problem. i've never discussed it with anyone else and i just assumed that other kids were just more capable of washing their own hair.

my DD just turned 9 and she has the same hair i do. it's really thick and coarse and long (waist length). it does not wet just by standing under the shower. the water just runs off the top layer, so you actually have to pick it up in sections to get it wet all over. she obviously does not do this, so i think she just washes the "outside" of her hair-- and even that i don't think she rinses properly.

when she decided she didnt like baths anymore i would take her into the shower with me so i could wash her hair, but she's too old for that now. i honestly don't know what to do other than wash her hair in the sink. her hair could just be washed every other day or so (it doesnt get greasy) until she figures this out.

gonemousin'
04-16-2008, 08:19 AM
My DD8 is very into showering on her own and refuses to take baths with her little sister now. Fair enough. She too has VERY VERY thick and coarse hair (so thick that I always get charged the adult haircut price because it takes so long) and it took my DH and I a long time to "teach" her how to rinse her hair. One thing that seemed to help her was I told her to keep rinsing until her strands of hair "squeaked" when she ran her fingers tightly along the length of it. If that makes any sense, LOL! If there's still soap, the strands won't be squeaky because your fingers will glide down easily. Also, my Dsis picked up the "Care & Keeping of You" American Girl book (http://store.americangirl.com/agshop/html/ProductPage.jsf/itemId/2852/itemType/FG/webTemplateId/3/uniqueId/138/saleGroupId/247) and they have a really nice chapter about hygiene that my DD8 has enjoyed reading through. The book has a lot more in it too about body changes and such, but I especially like the way they discuss the importance of personal hygiene (teeth brushing, deodorant, hairwashing, etc etc).

If her hair really has a big build up of gunk that you're not able to wash out, I would highly recommend picking up Neutrogena Anti-Residue Formula shampoo. It's very gentle and works amazingly. We like to use it after swim lessons but I've also used it for stripping gunk. Good luck!!

aka-mad4themouse
04-16-2008, 08:19 AM
In an effort to bring the Budget Board back to "budget-related" topics, I'm going to move this thread over to the Families Board. The OP should get lots of advise there from other parents who have BTDT.

lovetheprincesses
04-16-2008, 08:20 AM
Okay, Guys, thanks SO much for your replies. I am headed to Walmart for clarifying shampoo, SelsunBlue, and vinegar! I am going to scrub her down tonight!!!! haha! I plan on doing just as you say, and coming in to rinse every night for a while longer, because I just can't have her looking like a homeless person!:lmao:

jetprincess
04-16-2008, 08:28 AM
Could she switch to showers? It might help the rinsing process.

rt2dz
04-16-2008, 08:35 AM
You've already gotten a ton of great advice in how to handle the problem at hand. I just wanted to add, that hair is actually healthier and behaves better if it is NOT washed every day, just like you are only supposed to wash the scalp, massaging it throughly, and condition the strands. Maybe you could just help her on hair wash days, teaching her the proper way to wash and let her handle the other days on her own until she gets it. You could even just supervise until she learns everything correctly and can do it properly every time for x amount of times???

Bethy Lou
04-16-2008, 09:04 AM
We have the same problem with our daughter, it is just hard for them to know what clean feels like so you need to be there with her when she rinses it and have her feel her hair. She needs to be trained what clean rinsed out hair feels like and how long it takes to get it clear.

Rachie0507
04-16-2008, 11:48 AM
DD7 has been washing her own hair for about 6 months. Most of the time, she does a good job...most of the time. I brush it for her when she gets out which she finds much less intrusive. There have been times that I have made her get back in the shower when I find suds still in her hair.

She has lots of thick hair and I think she has my sweaty genes;) I switched her to an adult 2-in-1 shampoo around the same time she started doing it on her own. That makes a big difference--sometimes she sneaks in her little brother's kid shampoo and I can always tell when I brush her hair.

Keara'sMom
04-16-2008, 12:10 PM
I just wanted to add, that hair is actually healthier and behaves better if it is NOT washed every day

I was going to mention the same thing! My dd11 takes care of her own hair, which she washes about 3-4 times per week. She uses an adult shampoo (I was told by my stylist to avoid kid shampoos), and then I put in a light leave-in conditioner, and she brushes it through her hair. We've found that this works really well--in the past year she's gotten much better about rinsing her hair until it's "squeaky."

Good luck!

lovetheprincesses
04-16-2008, 09:43 PM
YAY! I have a child who resembles my daughter again! haah! I used the baking soda and Pantene clarifying and rinsed profusely and got her back to her normal self! Thanks Guys! She was NOT pleased, but at least she doesn't look like an orphan any more! :rotfl2:

design_mom
04-16-2008, 10:30 PM
One thing that seemed to help her was I told her to keep rinsing until her strands of hair "squeaked" when she ran her fingers tightly along the length of it. If that makes any sense, LOL! If there's still soap, the strands won't be squeaky because your fingers will glide down easily.

My hair is very thick and I *still* use this "test" to make sure I've got all the shampoo out of the back (and I'm 35!) ;)

hoosiergirl7
04-17-2008, 09:02 AM
You've already gotten a ton of great advice in how to handle the problem at hand. I just wanted to add, that hair is actually healthier and behaves better if it is NOT washed every day, just like you are only supposed to wash the scalp, massaging it throughly, and condition the strands.

I second this. I have very curly and fine hair but a lot of it. And I've known for a long time that you're not supposed to wash your hair every day because the shampoo strips your hair of essential oils your hair needs to stay healthy. Washing your hair every day actually does quite a bit of damage to your hair. So don't do it.

If your daughter bathes every day then just rinse her hair, but don't wash it every day.

pha1226
04-17-2008, 09:17 AM
Some of us with fine hair and oily scalps look like we haven't showered in a week if we skip a day of shampooing. I've always washed my hair every day and it's very healthy. I really think it depends on the texture of your hair and your body chemistry.

bzzymom
04-17-2008, 09:24 AM
I have been having this same problem with DS 10. About a months ago, he just stunk. I made him take a bath and I washed him and washed his hair. He knows that if he doesn't get himself clean, I will be doing it and he does not want that at all. He has very think hair and takes a shower and doesn't do a great job at waching his hair and rinsing it. I bought suave brand clarifying shampoo for him, and we get his hair trimmed an thinned every 4 weeks.

gonemousin'
04-17-2008, 11:31 AM
Some of us with fine hair and oily scalps look like we haven't showered in a week if we skip a day of shampooing. I've always washed my hair every day and it's very healthy. I really think it depends on the texture of your hair and your body chemistry.

I agree...I think the general "average" rule of thumb is not to shampoo daily. However, like everything, there's always an exception. I tend to have a drier scalp, so every other day works best for me, but my friend's hair is horrible unless she shampoos daily - and she has an oily scalp. Go figure! But for those who shampoo daily because they think they need to for cleanliness reasons, then by all means, skip a day...your scalp may thank you!

frtchr
04-17-2008, 11:35 AM
I'm glad your DD is squeaky clean again!

This reminds me of something that happened when I was a kid. I was in charge of my own baths and hair, but somehow, I got the shampoo and conditioner mixed up! I "washed" my hair with conditioner for quite a while before my mom noticed that my hair was pretty weird. She sat in on a bath one time and realized my mistake. She still teases me about this! :rotfl:

surfergirl602
04-17-2008, 11:36 AM
Hi, my DD, age 8 has been begging to wash her own hair and take care of her own bath. I had just been checking behind her, making sure toes were clean, etc. So I agreed. Anyway, she has VERY thick hair. Her hair looks disgusting. It is a battle each and every morning. She is not rinsing thoroughly, and now has a build-up of shampoo, dirt, etc. in her hair that is just revolting. Although she "washes" her hair every day, this morning, it looked like her hair had not been washed in a month. SO gross. Of course, it matters not to her. I told her tonight, I was washing her hair. Is she too young to handle this, and HOW am I going to get her hair clean now??? I mean it is bad. What can I do to strip it??:worship:

Pantene makes a great clarifying shampoo. I use this on my daughter. She has long blonde wavy hair that curls in ringlets at the ends, and she's 7. She's the same with the bath time independence. Every other shower/bath, I get to do her hair. We need to comb and braid it before bed time every night, or she looks like she's been through a tornado when she gets up. It cuts back on tangles. We also have to use adult shampoo and conditioner for her as the kids stuff dries it out too much. make sure she's only using a little bit. Too much and its not going to come out of her hair. We wash hair every other day.

bjscheel
04-17-2008, 11:50 AM
I have read this as advice for adults but it would work for kids. Once you *think* you've gotten it all rinsed out, rinse it for one more minute. So you could tell your kids to get it where they think it's rinsed, then count to 60 (or 100...) while rinsing more.

FSUDisneyGirl
04-17-2008, 04:34 PM
The shampoo and conditioner I just bought came with pumps attached on top. Maybe if you had those and told your daughter how many "squirts" she should use, then at least there wouldn't be too much shampoo/ cond. to start with.

bellebud
04-17-2008, 05:42 PM
my kids (dd8 and ds6) have been showering for years now. baths are only for fun and playing... i make them get in the shower to *wash* after a bath. I just never felt like baths got them clean, and dd's hair was too hard to rinse properly. My dd has long, thick hair and she uses sauve shampoo and conditioner. i've taught them both how to shower by first having them shower w/ me for a few months (this was a few years ago), then i 'coached' them on their showering from outside the shower for a few months (glass door makes it easier than a curtain, but either way would work), and now i can just say "go upstairs and shower"... although I have to warn ds6 "i'm going to smell your hair, pits, heiney and feet when you get out, so you better really wash!". :rotfl:

I also taught dd to use her fingers like a comb, or use a very wide tooth comb for the conditioner, and sometimes she still call me upstairs to check that all the conditioner is out. and as long as she combs it again after the shower, we have no knots. but i really took a lot of time teaching her how to properly wash and condition her long hair. combing that conditioner through is key for her.

princessmom29
04-17-2008, 06:28 PM
Some of us with fine hair and oily scalps look like we haven't showered in a week if we skip a day of shampooing. I've always washed my hair every day and it's very healthy. I really think it depends on the texture of your hair and your body chemistry.


You are TOTALLY right. Fine hair has to be washed more often. Mine is baby fine and looks like an oil slick if it is not washed daily. DSis has curly hair and if she washes every day it looks like a dried out puff ball.