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View Full Version : Wedding rehearsal dinner.......................?


paysensmom
03-14-2008, 01:00 PM
My brother is getting married in June. My parents are being pressured into paying for the rehearsal dinner which includes 21 people. My parents do not have much money at all. Please help me help my mom find a good place to go for a decent price.
The wedding is VERY formal and my mother read up on this and she read something about if the wedding is formal the rehearsal dinner should be informal. I told her to just make ressies at pizza hut!!!
She probably won't do that, but I need help!!
Thank you so much,
Heather

Stucas
03-14-2008, 01:08 PM
Rehearsal dinners can be anywhere you want and as formal or informal as you want. My sister and I are both getting married this year, my rehearsal dinner is at a fancy restaurant with probably 20-30 people while my sisters is going to be at Cracker Barrel with 10-15. Since it will be warm you can always just bbq in the backyard, fun easy and cheap! :goodvibes

-Lauren

barkley
03-14-2008, 01:10 PM
allot of people in our wedding party had no desire to have to deal with a long rehearsal and then a dinner afterwards since they had a long day ahead of them the next day. we purposely schedualed the rehearsal for after the dinner hour and then provided light snacks in the adjacent rehearsal hall. we had to decorate the place anyway so it was convenient. i've seen rehearsals with no dinner and it was never an issue or anyone thought anything less of it.

i clearly remember my parents having a discussion with my brother when his fiancee was pushing for my parents to do an overblown rehearsal dinner (was'nt the norm where we lived)-they were honest and said 'son, we have set aside x amount of dollars for your marriage-you can have it to put towards whatever you want for the wedding or we can gift it to you on your wedding day'. guess who decided she did'nt want a rehearsal dinner?:rolleyes:

nannerbadnanner
03-14-2008, 01:14 PM
If there are any local BBQ joints, that may be a good option. I have had to plan a few occasions and we have used local places that provided meat (for sandwiches), buns, and sides for a very low price per person.

Maybe some of your mom and dad's friend could help them cook for the group. My best friend's now husband is from Egypt. He and his parents had their friends cook Egyption food for the rehearsal dinner. It was really yummy and different.

Check around with different restaurants such as Olive Garden or Chili's). Sometimes you will be surprised at how inexpensive their catering options are. You would have to pick up the food and serve, but it would be much cheaper than having everyone dine at the retaurant.

Also, check your supermarket deli. You can usually buy large quanities of things like fried chicken very cheaply.

Good luck!

kimisabella
03-14-2008, 01:15 PM
It is "customary" for the groom's parents to host and pay for the rehearsal dinner, but, unfortunatley it doesn't always work out that way. My dh and I hosted and paid for our rehearsal dinner - my wedding was formal as well. My inlaws weren't going to pay for anything - although my parents did pay for 75% of the wedding. We had it at a restaurant near the church, we had about 20-30 people there, it wasn't cheap, but, we had no choice. If your parents cannot afford it, they shouldn't feel they HAVE to host it.

EthansMom
03-14-2008, 01:19 PM
Is your brother older and living on her own (out of your parents' house)? The reason I'm asking is that the tradition of having the parents of the groom pay for the rehearsal dinner comes from a tradition of the bride going from living with Mom and Dad to being married. As more and more couples are getting married at older ages, the tradition is changing so that the couple getting married is shouldering more of the financial burden and their parents are helping as they are able/interested.

In the situation you described, I would recommend doing what my Dad did. My brother and I got married within 6 months of each other. My Dad told each of us, "I'll give you $X toward your wedding. You can use it however you choose. If there's anything leftover, keep it. If you use it all, don't ask for more." My father's gift paid for most of my modest wedding and probably didn't cover the tab for the open bar at my brother's wedding.

If your parents are being pressured to spend money they can't afford and/or have other children whom they would like to help with wedding expenses at a later date, the best thing for them would be sit down on their own and figure out how much $ they can contribute to expenses, then tell brother, "We'll contribute $X." Let brother and his fiancee decide what they want to do (rehearsal dinner, etc..) with that money.

BTW, DH and I thought so highly of Dad's way of doing things that that is how we'll do it when our kids are older. :thumbsup2

girli565
03-14-2008, 01:22 PM
Why not do passed hor' deurvs (sp?) and a signature drink?

It would be inexpensive, especially if you made them yourself.

pearlieq
03-14-2008, 01:24 PM
Can they host it at their house?

Or, if the wedding is at a church, can they host it in the fellowship hall?

Those would probably be the least expensive options. Could any of the friends of the family help with providing food?

Pizza is also a great idea. Around here we have many sit down pizza restaurants that have nice private party rooms and offer a package of pizza, salad, soda, and dessert for about $10 - $12 per person. That's what we did for our rehearsal, though DH's parents very generously covered the bill.

tink_n_pooh
03-14-2008, 01:29 PM
How about a nice quiet and casual pizza place? That is what I sort of wanted for our wedding. It was around the holidays and everyone was really busy and it would have been a lot less expensive... but DH's parents paid and we had a formal sit down dinner and drinks at a nice Italian restaurant.

Don't let them feel pressured, it's there choice. A BBQ sounds like a great idea to me

dopeyfanatic
03-14-2008, 01:34 PM
We bbqed chicken at the social hall at our church for our rehearsal dinner. It was VERY informal, but fun. People didn't feel like they HAD to dress up so everyone was having a fun time not "being formal" and it was cheap. If your parents can't afford it they need to put their foot down and say I'm really sorry, but all I can give you is $100, or whatever they have. Then they can figure out what they want to do with that. I agree that you could have it after dinner hour and just do snacks, or early afternoon. They really need to talk to your brother.

tzolkin
03-14-2008, 01:42 PM
we've had 3 recently in our family. one at a chinese buffet and one at a mexican restaurant (ordered family style)-- maybe about $7 per person. these two had a separate section of the restaurant so everyone could sit together and walk around without bothering the other patrons. my brother also just had pizza and salads at his house last summer after his rehearsal. they had a few tables set up outside and we had a picnic type dinner. it was nice since people could come and go. my best friend is getting married in may and her mom is having a party at her home the night before the wedding for everyone who may have arrived from out of town as well as those in the wedding party after the rehearsal.

i think informal things like this are more appropriate than a sit down dinner in a nice restaurant since they're better for socializing and less structured/stressful (isnt there enought of that right before a wedding ;) )

**eeyore**
03-14-2008, 01:43 PM
As of late, most rehersal dinners I have attended have been at the house of the couple, the house of the groom's parents or bride's parents. They can still be as formal or as casual as you wish. Also, you can either have it catered, do something simple like order pizza and chicken wings, or cook all the food yourself. You could always grill up a bunch of burgers and bratwurst (sorry-showing the Wisconsin girl in me! :)) ahead of time and them have them warming in a roaster. Serve along with some cheesy potatoes, veggie trays and brownies for dessert.

I love going to these kind of rehearsal dinners - they are such great environment to meet everyone!

battricia
03-14-2008, 01:44 PM
I would definitely suggest some sort of at home thing - hot dogs, hamburgers, potato/mac salads, rolls and a cold cut platter, that sort of thing. You could do that pretty cheap for that many people. And you could make it pretty nice if you decorate for it. June is a great time for that!

tricia.

Karenj2
03-14-2008, 01:47 PM
I've seen a bunch of rehearsal dinner parties held at the groom's parent's house. One was an outdoor BBQ (in the south), mine was a buffet style dinner that my MIL and my mom provided food for, and my SIL's was a combo bridal shower/engagement party at MY house (family provided food.) All were loads of fun, casual, and not too stressful.

OTOH, I've also been to some formal rehearsal dinners that were almost as formal as the wedding. I guess it depends on your brother. Hopefully he isn't EXPECTING your parents to just open their wallets and let him take what he wants...

paysensmom
03-14-2008, 01:48 PM
The rehearsal is set, it is going to be at 5 pm. The dinner is set to be right after. The wedding is at a place they are renting. It is not at a church or anything. So, the only place we could eat would be where the wedding dinner will be. We cant do that because it will already be decorated. So, we couldnt do a dinner there.
Keep the ideas coming!!
Thank you so much!!
Heather

budbeerlady
03-14-2008, 01:55 PM
We had a formal wedding, our rehearsal dinner was a the restaurant I waitress-ed at. We did pizza, breadsticks, wings, etc. It was a great to time to de-stress with everyone over a pitcher of beer. It wasnt very costly since it was pizza. (We also did just the people in the wedding, I didnt need their girlfriends/ boyfriends there....It might not be "correct" but I'd say 3/4 of the wedding we have been in (either dh or I) the significant other didnt go to the rehearsal or the dinner. )

Another friend of ours did a nice dinner at his Moms house. They had lasagna with the works and it was fine.

I have been to the dreaded formal dinner, it was horrid. I would rather relax with my friends/ family than to worry about spilling anything!

Adi12982
03-14-2008, 01:59 PM
My in-laws paid for ours. . . we did it at their house and they got some "food by the pound" at a local cuban restaurant. . .

I think it may be cheaper to get some to-go platters for a local restaurant or chain, some drinks from the grocery store and call it a day.

Bren's Mom
03-14-2008, 02:03 PM
Any Knights of Columbus/Elks Lodge/VFW hall type places nearby to rent? Or a beach or public park pavilion? Most of those places are fairly inexpensive...are conducive to having a casual dinner with a mixed crowd (meaning kids, teens, adults). Trays of food like BBQ or italian, salad, rolls & butter are easy...or maybe a clambake (lots of places here in CT do that, not sure where you are)...heck, even chinese food would be good! Perhaps there's something that reminds your parents of the wedding couple? What kind of food did they eat on their first date? Or when they got engaged? It's always nice to have a 'story' behind the food.

annakris1973
03-14-2008, 02:07 PM
Is there a park nearby where you can use a picnic pavillion? One of the best rehersal dinners I went to had a western theme (cheap red checked vinyl tablecloths, mason jars with silk daisies in them) and the family had ordered BBQ, chopped pork here in GA and supplied the chips, buns, etc, etc. Alot more cost conscious than a fancy restaurant. I have also heard that if the wedding is formal, the rehersal should be casual...but all that depends on the bride, and more importantly sometimes THE BRIDES MOTHER. My youngest BIL's wife wanted something very casual, but her mother vetoed that and picked the place herself and INFORMED the groom's parents where it would be and how much it would be.:scared1: and expected them to pick up the tab.

Bren's Mom
03-14-2008, 02:09 PM
My youngest BIL's wife wanted something very casual, but her mother vetoed that and picked the place herself and INFORMED the groom's parents where it would be and how much it would be.:scared1: and expected them to pick up the tab.

That's just plain wrong. If I were the mother of the groom I would have told her where she could stuff her tab... :scared1:

hopemax
03-14-2008, 02:20 PM
Is there a park nearby where you can use a picnic pavilion? One of the best rehearsal dinners I went to had a western theme (cheap red checked vinyl tablecloths, mason jars with silk daisies in them) and the family had ordered BBQ, chopped pork here in GA and supplied the chips, buns, etc, etc.

This is what we did; although it was a 4th of July wedding so BBQ just made sense. The building was $25. We hired a caterer for the food (burgers, hot dogs, chicken and salmon, 2 salads, chips, watermelon and strawberry shortcake for dessert.) We had a lot of out of town relatives, so it was about 50 people and it was less than $500 (almost 10 years ago though). And they did all the cleanup. DH's family did pay for it but my Mom and I made the arrangements since they were coming from out of town.

Lisa11130
03-14-2008, 02:48 PM
A friend of mine Son just got married and they had the rehearsal dinner at her home after the rehearsal. Not because of just the money but because everyone could walk around and talk and get to know one another better and it was so much more enjoyable than at a restaurant. She picked up food from Sams Club and said that the food, plaper plates, plastic forks, etc plus drinks along with some Wine for 22 adults cost her $141.00 and she had plenty of food left! She said she would go this route again because it was very casual and everyone had a good time. Plus everyone had an early morning the next day and didn't want to eat too much. Just a thought! Lisa in Indiana

JKYlovesRuss
03-14-2008, 02:53 PM
we were just married last August 07'.

We paid for our own wedding, rehearsal dinner, etc. We had a formal wedding dinner and an informal rehearsal dinner.

We had our rehearsal dinner at home in our back yard. We had it catered from our local Shop Rite. The food was excellent! We had grilled chicken breast, steamed vegetables and roasted potatoes. Nobody knew but us... and now, well, YOU! :rotfl: We also served the food on paper products (in our wedding colors). We also purchased some wine and beer. Very inexpensive and everyone enjoyed it.

My mother in law made a cheesecake for dessert. :rolleyes:

Good luck to you! I hope it works out!

Kellydelly
03-14-2008, 03:16 PM
I would just host the dinner at your house or your parent's (whoever has the nicer digs). Serve something that can be made ahead, like mostaciolli, with a nice salad and fresh Italian or French bread (garlic bread is nice too, but if you want to be able to serve right after the rehearsal fresh soft bread works great). I would not feel compelled to host a dinner at a restaurant and spend money I didn't have.

moonbeams4
03-14-2008, 03:21 PM
I agree that a casual atmosphere would be appropriate, so all the new family can get to know each other better.

In my town, we have two restaurants that serve a family style meal.

One place serves a fried chicken dinner with cole slaw, mashed potatoes and gravy, steamed vegies a dinner roll. The dinner costs $40 and is delicious. It serves 4-6. We eat there with my mother and father in-law and there is always leftovers.

The other place serves a fish and chips meal with cole slaw and it feeds my family of four and my parents and it's $26.99. We love it!! Not to mention that it's located at the airport and the kids get to watch the planes come and go. Maybe something like that where you're at?

Good luck. I just hate how having to please everyone in a wedding just takes over common sense sometimes, ya know what I mean? Let us know what happens! I'm really curious to see how creative you are with your solution!

MiniGirl
03-14-2008, 04:28 PM
Another vote for the backyard. I much prefer these informal dinners to the fancy ones. I don't know the situation, but a friend of mine had his rehearsal dinner at a family friend's home. It was a house with a nice deck area -- very nice for entertaining, and the couple loved to have parties. Anyway, this couple offered their house and footed a good part of the bill and made that their wedding gift to the couple. The couple had been living together for a couple of years and so they didn't really NEED anything and were thrilled with their gift.

Of course, I know this wouldn't work for everyone.

Halle
03-14-2008, 05:28 PM
Friends of ours rented a pavilion/hut at the local county park. Nominal price and had deli platters. They set up volley ball net and had other sports stuff. It was a lot of fun, most of the bridal party was from out of town as was the groom's family so they were able to hang out before and after the rehearsal.

englishteacha
03-14-2008, 06:04 PM
We decorated the hall for the reception, then had the rehearsal at the church. Our rehearsal dinner was at the church hall (not where we had our reception). My DH's father and step-mom ordered pizza (step-MIL had lots of coupons!!), and brought soda and chips, veggies, and sweets from the grocery store. The whole thing for almost 30 people (I have a huge family!) was under $100. I seem to remember her saying that with the coupons she only paid around $60 for everything. And there were around 10 large pizzas, plus all the other stuff! Is there a small hall they could rent? Firehouse? Elks? Masons? Maybe even a church hall. The church where I grew up rents the hall to non-members for around $50.

Kay1
03-14-2008, 06:10 PM
I think the casual, at-home dinners are so much nicer for everyone. If they're held in a restaurant they usually shunt the group into some certain area - like the attic- and there's stress on the group to stay when they may prefer to just have a bite among friends and go home.

The more casual the better, says I. ;)

tinaninea
03-14-2008, 06:27 PM
DHs parents didn't have much money either. We did a backyard BBQ! It was around the pool at my aunt's house. We had burgers, links, and lots of yoummy deserts. We found some cute "love"bug fabric with neon VWs on it to cover the tables, neon lighting, & it was a party!

paysensmom
03-14-2008, 11:46 PM
Wow, so many different ideas! Thank you all so much. I have told my mom all that you have said. I know that if it was my choice I would want it to be a backyard BBQ! But, my brother and his fiance chose a wedding location that is 2 hours from where my parents live. My husband is in the Navy, so we will be driving down a week or a few days before the wedding. So, not possible to have the backyard BBQ idea:sad2:
Keep the ideas and opinions coming, I am loving this!!
Thanks,
Heather

Cindy B
03-15-2008, 05:19 AM
DH and I just wound up having some sandwich trays/small amount of catered type thing set up at my FIL's house. It worked out for everyone.

Aliceacc
03-15-2008, 05:40 AM
I haven't read many of thre responses, but I did read the part about your parents being pressured.

Sorry, but in my mind, the rule is this: if you're old enough to get married and have a big wedding, you're old enough to pay your own way. Anything your parents want to contribute is wonderful. But, as I'm sure the bride has said more than once : this is HER (translation: "their") wedding. Adults pay for the things they value.

Advise your mom to offer what she can afford. If the bride and groom want more than that, they can pay the difference.

We had ours at my parent's house. (My parent's house was larger than my in-laws, so the moms agreed that it made more sense.)

Pixiedust34
03-15-2008, 05:49 AM
How about a nice quiet and casual pizza place?

We went to a nice & casual pizza place for our rehearsal dinner and it was perfect. It was a relaxing dinner before the big day, and it was fun.

ncbyrne
03-15-2008, 06:36 AM
Since the rehearsal will be at a location two hours from your parents house, you don't want to choose and option that requires you to set up or clean up on the night before the wedding. Just call around to every place within an easy drive of the actual rehearsal and go with the cheapest price.
DH and I have 5 grown and married kids (2 DS, 3 DD - one married twice!), so that was 6 weddings. The affairs ran from a simple at home wedding, with no rehearsal, to the ultimate formal social occasion (D-I-L #2's was a history major, and her parents are executives. They had the wedding in an historical church and the reception in an antebellum mansion with horse carriage rides around the grounds for the guests...no kids! - whew, some party!!) They even had a "bridesmaids luncheon" at another historical B+B. But..in spite of all this falderol (and expense!!), we hosted the rehearsal dinner at a very inexpensive Irish restaurant (DH is Irish) and we preordered the food to control the costs, and did not let people order from the menu.

kimmtd
03-15-2008, 06:59 AM
When my sister got married, her now-husband's family didn't help with $$$ at all. For the rehearsal dinner, we used the church fellowship hall and did a football theme with subs, chips, etc. Brother-inlaw is HUGE Redskins fan. We used Redskins colors for paper products and had football theme stuff.

Hall was free and it kept everything loose and causal> not fretting over like hot food getting cold. The theme kept it all fun and made him feel special. Subway's big subs are GREAT! It also allowed for some family to come later and join the dinner without breaking the budget that normally might not have come normally.

I also agree with a local picnic shelter> in our area they are only $25, and it does make it a causal, yet fun time. Esp. if there are kids and active family who likes to play around.

Good luck!

alicenwonder99
03-15-2008, 08:00 AM
I would definitely suggest some sort of at home thing - hot dogs, hamburgers, potato/mac salads, rolls and a cold cut platter, that sort of thing. You could do that pretty cheap for that many people. And you could make it pretty nice if you decorate for it. June is a great time for that!

tricia.

Ours was a June wedding (formal), and we did the above at my parents' house. Our rehearsal was the day before the wedding, so I was a nervous wreck (lol). I remember telling my mom to just throw anything together.

Weddings can get so out of hand.

meanser
03-15-2008, 08:22 AM
Is your brother older and living on her own (out of your parents' house)? The reason I'm asking is that the tradition of having the parents of the groom pay for the rehearsal dinner comes from a tradition of the bride going from living with Mom and Dad to being married. As more and more couples are getting married at older ages, the tradition is changing so that the couple getting married is shouldering more of the financial burden and their parents are helping as they are able/interested.

In the situation you described, I would recommend doing what my Dad did. My brother and I got married within 6 months of each other. My Dad told each of us, "I'll give you $X toward your wedding. You can use it however you choose. If there's anything leftover, keep it. If you use it all, don't ask for more." My father's gift paid for most of my modest wedding and probably didn't cover the tab for the open bar at my brother's wedding.

If your parents are being pressured to spend money they can't afford and/or have other children whom they would like to help with wedding expenses at a later date, the best thing for them would be sit down on their own and figure out how much $ they can contribute to expenses, then tell brother, "We'll contribute $X." Let brother and his fiancee decide what they want to do (rehearsal dinner, etc..) with that money.

BTW, DH and I thought so highly of Dad's way of doing things that that is how we'll do it when our kids are older. :thumbsup2

I completely agree! My parents did the same for me and my brother and I will do the same for my girls! Plus my parents paid for my college, so I don't think a parent should have to pick up the tab for both a wedding AND college!

FayeW
03-15-2008, 08:34 AM
My mother in law made a cheesecake for dessert. :rolleyes:



That was very thoughtful of your mother in law to go to the trouble of making a cheesecake for dessert. Why did you roll your eyes?

Princess Michelle
03-15-2008, 08:44 AM
I know you said it won't work for this situation but I'm getting married at the end of May and we're going the BBQ route. We're paying for everything ourselves but even if we weren't I would still probably choose this. The rehearsal is at night, most people will be coming from a long day at work and will just want to be able to relax after the rehearsal and not worry about keeping the kids confined in a restaurant. This way they can run around the yard and play while the adults chat and socialize. We met when we were working at a BBQ restaurant so it's kind of sentimental to have this kind of rehearsal dinner also. We're having about 20 people and it will be less than 100.00 for everything.

Because of your situation it really looks like your parents will either have to host it at a casual, inexpensive restaurant or else just do as others have suggested and offer him a set amount of money to do with as he pleases. Good luck to them!

pammypooh
03-15-2008, 09:36 AM
Saw that your brother is in the military. (Tell him thank you for serving for us!) Anyway, was wondering - might he be able to have access to any base type halls, clubs, or hangers? We went to an event (though it was a retirement) that was held inside a hanger on the base where our neighbor was stationed. As the daughter of a Marine, I thought it was pretty cool. They decorated of course, and had a buffet of foods that my friend brought in, mostly from Costco, and a local wing take out place. It would give you a more informal atmosphere, for certain, but given everyone is from "out of town", it might be nice for your brother to "host" at his base. As for who pays for food....up to your parents what they might be able to do....just don't let them be pressured into spending what they don't have! Fancy and expensive can be great....but so can informal and affordable.

Best of luck!
Pam

pammypooh
03-15-2008, 09:42 AM
Please excuse previous post mis-read and thought DB was in Navy...it is a multi tasking problem :laundy: - thank your Husband for military service from us! :) Sorry for silly post. Good luck!
Pam

paysensmom
03-15-2008, 01:46 PM
Thanks Pam! I will tell him for sure!


Okay, I know this is going to stir things up a bit, but................My brother AND her fiance are living with my parents:scared1: They do pay rent, but it is only 400 a month which doesnt even cover half of the mortgage payment let alone the bills!!! So, I really dont even feel they should be forking over ANY money for the rehearsal dinner.
My mother already gave them two months rent free so they could pay for a few more place settings since the place they chose is almost $100 per person:scared1: :love: Which SHE (ugh) always have to bring up how much money her mom is paying for the wedding already. She also told my mom in a condescending manner, that if she couldnt afford the dinner that her mother already said she would pay for it. Can ya tell I really dont like her much? Seriously, I should call bridezilla!! Anyway, tell me what you all think.
Thank you!!
Heather

Aliceacc
03-15-2008, 01:54 PM
Why does that somehow not surprise me?

I say that, if your parents are gracious enough to offer to host a dinner honoring the couple, they should be gracious enough to accept whatever your parents are willing to pay.

If they choose not to, your parents should book a trip to Disney for themselves for the day after the wedding, using the money they had set aside for the rehearsal dinner.

Remind them not to forget a nice postcard for the newlyweds!

paysensmom
03-15-2008, 02:10 PM
Oh, my parents did not offer to do the rehearsal dinner. She assumed and pretty much told them they should do one. She even sent a website link to my mother about wedding etiquette!!!! Making sure that my mom chose her dress AFTER her mother did, because traditionally they should both wear the same length of dress!!!
She also told me that NO jeans allowed at her wedding!! WHAT? Okay, my husband dresses cowboy and ONLY wears wranglers and she knows this. He wore black wranglers with his long tailed western style tux jacket in OUR wedding!! Ugh, at this point she is so demanding, nobody wants to even go!! She says it is her wedding and everything should be perfect and she thinks we should be graveling at her feet to see whatever it is she may need!! There is a LOT to this story really. Very much background leading up to this. My parents would love to do whatever it is she wanted, if they liked her and she actually showed them respect! But she doesnt. She cooks in their kitchen (remember she lives with my parents) without cleaning up. She actually came home from work one day and asked my mother to stop singing (my parents run a karaoke business and sing as well!) because she was trying to study!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT?? I told my mom that is a load of @#$@#$% I would NEVER tell someone what to do in their own house.
Okay, now for the bridesmaid dresses, she asked for dress requests. (yep, im in the wedding, maid of honor actually, and my brother is the one who asked me!!!) Ugh. Anyway, I said all I wanted to say about the dress is that it is NOT a halter top. She said at the beginning that we didnt even all have to wear the same dress as long as it is the same length! So of course later she changed her mind AND chose a HALTER TOP!! So, I am stuck paying 130 for a dress I do not like and will look awful in. I am sorry to go on, I will stop, but just wanted you all to have a little insight on the entire situation. There is much, much more, but its just drama and I hate drama, so I will just leave it out.

Please keep your opinions and advice coming!
Thanks,
Heather

Aliceacc
03-15-2008, 02:31 PM
Your parents must love your brother a LOT to put up with this idiot.


And she's right: it is her wedding. She should get HER money's worth from every cent SHE pays.

Aliceacc
03-15-2008, 02:43 PM
Now, back to your original question:

Do you want to post the town/city where the wedding is being held? That way, if your parents DO want to do this for your brother, we can help you come up with some options that won't break the bank.

paysensmom
03-15-2008, 02:47 PM
Hey great idea Alice!!
The wedding is going to be in Tucson, AZ

Aliceacc
03-15-2008, 02:56 PM
Well, I've never been to Arizona, so I'm not much help.

But maybe you could start here to narrow down your choices? http://tucsonrestaurantguide.com/s-type

sanapp
03-15-2008, 03:15 PM
My husband and I were together for 10 years before we decided to ge married. We had to pay for everything ourselves which didn't bother us a bit. We are from Maine and formal weddings aren't really the thing here, but ours was on the formal side for the norm. We had an evening wedding and had an adult only reception. Due to the reception type we chose to have we wanted to have a very relaxed rehersal dinner that people could bring there children to. We also had a lot of friends and family that were coming from away, so we wanted to have them for dinner as well. My brother-in-law was also leaving for bootcamp the Monday after we got married. With all of that said we hosted a large cook out in our backyard. We got married in the beginning of June, so the weather was great. This was 10 years ago, so if I re-call correctly we provided the hamburgers, hotdogs, steamers (from Maine afterall) and the mothers each brought the sides. Everyone had so much fun and it was a great chance from everyone to get to know each other and relax.

Mkrop
03-15-2008, 03:35 PM
Hey great idea Alice!!
The wedding is going to be in Tucson, AZ

I was going to suggest this as well. Also maybe provide the budget? Maybe some AZ DISers can help with some ideas.

Green Tea
03-15-2008, 04:09 PM
get a backyard party catered by a local BBQ restaurant. A keg of beer, red & white tablecloths, some music.

Aliceacc
03-15-2008, 04:14 PM
They can't; it's 2 hours from their home.

TheRustyScupper
03-15-2008, 04:14 PM
1) My folks owned a bridal store for over 30-years.
2) They have seen it all.
3) So did we, when we took it over.
4) Wedding costs have gotten way too far out of line, including rehearsal dinners.
5) In fact, some have 50-75 people !

6) When money is tight and brides would ask, Mrs Rusty would recommend
. . . outdoor or indoor BBQ (ribs, chicken, etc)
. . . heavy hors d'oeuvres (lots of snacks, drinks)
. . . picnic-style (chicken, dogs, potatoes salad, etc)
. . . pot-luck (gotta be careful here)

NOTE: Sure, some people would complain when they heard the style of the rehearsal dinner, mainly the brides parents, but I have NEVER heard about a complaint from the guests. People are reasonable and do understand.

elf
03-15-2008, 04:38 PM
If the wedding is 2 hrs away and on a budget I go for an inexpensive Chinese buffet. I like the idea of Chinese buffet because they could be cheaper and are willing to work with you. Many of them use linen table cloths and napkins with nicer glasses, so it wouldn't seem too cheap. I would only offer soft drinks/tea no wine or liquor added. Really don't see too many other choices even a pizza/pasta place will probably be more at least at a buffet there is more variety.


I also like the idea of your parents telling them how much they are willing to give them total for the wedding and they could spend it anyway they want.

marlynnp
03-15-2008, 05:57 PM
She even sent a website link to my mother about wedding etiquette!!!!

She cooks in their kitchen (remember she lives with my parents) without cleaning up. She actually came home from work one day and asked my mother to stop singing (my parents run a karaoke business and sing as well!) because she was trying to study!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT?? I told my mom that is a load of @#$@#$% I would NEVER tell someone what to do in their own house.



I'd be googling some etiquette advice for her. And I say let her mother pay for th dinner. Your parents are doing enough by letting them love there for next to nothing.
AND are they moving out after they get married?

iggbees
03-15-2008, 06:23 PM
your future sil sounds like my best friend's brother's wife. she was a nightmare for their wedding, i felt so bad for my best friend's parent's. they got constantly chewed out by the bride for not putting money towards things that she wanted and she constantly told them that they ruined her wedding (one time it was because my best friend's parents refused to put 1000$ for wine, offering 500$ instead). my best friend complained about how hideous her bridesmaids dress was all the time (it was not fitting at all). sorry you have to put up with this.

i like the idea of finding a local place that you can rent out and cater for cheap. i know in our town we had a fire station that had a medium sized room that they rented for banquets and dances. i'm sure there are probably places like that nearby the wedding site, even if it's a local park recreation center. i read someone's idea about getting food from shop-rite (or the local grocery store) which is great. they always tend to have awesome food and it's so much less than buying from a caterer.

bumbershoot
03-15-2008, 06:56 PM
My brother's then-future in-laws told my parents they would pay for the rehearsal dinner, too. My mom was an old hippie, and while she believed in marriage (later in life religion took over), she didn't believe in *weddings*. Had she survived to my wedding, she would have made an incredible cake for me, but I would have had NOTHING of the wedding that I had, b/c my dad offered to pay for it (which wouldn't have been done or accepted if my mom were still around), b/c a Wedding wasn't important to her, and she had nothing set aside for such an event.

Therefore, they obviously had nothing set aside for a rehearsal dinner for their son.

The in laws have only girls, and the mom never had her own poofy wedding, so was living it all through her daughter (the older, second-to-marry, daughter eloped, LOL, to escape the madness she saw with her little sister). But my parents saw no reason for this woman's madness to change her life all that much.

In the end, my mom and stepdad did host a casual dinner at a local, good, Mexican restaurant, that was truly appreciated by all except perhaps the other parents.


Like I mentioned, my dad did pay for my wedding (offered when I told him I was getting married, and I figured it was a good way for him to pay all that back child-support he didn't have when I was a minor :rolleyes1 , so I said "OK"). We did ask hubby's parents, and while MIL was rather opposed to spending the money (and she's from another culture where this sort of thing isn't really done...though to be honest I was TRYING to have a Korean Buddhist wedding and she would not help me!), FIL insisted. We had a dinner at a nationwide chain, Spaghetti Factory, in a back room. It was good food (I like their food for what it is), we were away from the other patrons, it was fun!


Now all that said. WHY are you her MOH? Do you support their marriage? Do you support your brother marrying her? Do you anticipate divorce proceedings inside of 5 years? I will ONLY stand up for people whose wedding I believe in and support, and I made sure that our wedding party consisted only of people that supported our marriage and us together, not just "well I hate that person but I'll support YOU". If my brother asked me to be a MOH for a woman I don't like, I would tell him that it would be more appropriate for me to be a Best Woman or Groomswoman, and then I would very likely tell him that I couldn't do even that, if I disliked his bride that much.

Might be difficult to do at this late date, but man oh man...being in wedding parties can be hard enough, let alone when you don't like each other!

nicolita3
03-15-2008, 07:11 PM
Have you been to the Oregano's in Tuscon? They have some really good pizza/salad/wings. I know some PP mentioned pizza, thats why I brought up Oreganos, I know they have a patio too at that location, maybe your mom can call them and they can close off the patio for the party. If you want the website or more info just pm me. I used to live in AZ and I was at that Oregano's back in December.

RubySlippers
03-15-2008, 07:36 PM
How about a local Country Club or maybe a Marriott Hotel that is close to the wedding venue. I have had functions at both of these kinds of places and they were always willing to work with me and meet my needs as far as prices and menus. The standard packages they show on their websites are not always written in stone. I even had a hotel tell me that they would rather use their function space at a lower cost to me than leave it empty! It never hurts to ask what they are willing to do to earn your business Good Luck!

Rubyprincess:

clh2
03-15-2008, 07:58 PM
My DH and I had our reception at an italian restaurant that made an awesome pizza. We had about 30 people at our dinner. This particular place had a private party room. The beauty of pizza is - if people eat dinner before the rehearsal...they'll eat less pizza, if someone hasn't eaten before the rehearsal, they ate more pizza. One person ordered an entree, since they just didn't care for pizza, and one person really wanted a salad (probably my mom).

The total cost for our dinner, please keep in mind this was 17 years ago was around $150, which included beers and soda. The tip was not included in this amount, and the waitstaff we had was beyond wonderful, so they got a far higher tip than normal.

By the way, we all had a ball! I wouldn't have changed a thing for the rehearsal dinner. The whole night was very relaxing, and just a whole lot of fun!

goodeats
03-15-2008, 08:34 PM
We were able to have a backyard BBQ for our rehearsal dinner even though my in-laws (who hosted) live 600 miles away. We found a local park and found a local BBQ restaurant to cater. I don't know how much it cost, but my MIL said it was very reasonable. We wanted something more relaxed before the 'big day'.

dizkids
03-15-2008, 10:10 PM
I like the idea of your parents telling them how much they can afford. I dont think any of us or our parents would have a clue as to how to plan a party for a town 2 hours away.

Tell the couple "this is how much we can afford and you can put it towards the dinner you are planning "

If that doesnt go over well. I vote for a pizza...some pizza restaurants have very nice party rooms. Some may have BYOB.

moonbeams4
03-15-2008, 10:24 PM
[QUOTE=paysensmom;23816906 She actually came home from work one day and asked my mother to stop singing (my parents run a karaoke business and sing as well!) [/QUOTE]

Heather,

Hello!?! Karoake party! How much fun would that be?! They should be able to find a venue to pull this off! What better way to get introduced to future in-laws.
Think "My Best Friend's Wedding" ....Whenever I wake up, I put on my make up..... That would be soooooo much fun!

Hey Tuscan people, where could they do this?

gk90
03-15-2008, 10:57 PM
Heather,

Hello!?! Karoake party! How much fun would that be?! They should be able to find a venue to pull this off! What better way to get introduced to future in-laws.
Think "My Best Friend's Wedding" ....Whenever I wake up, I put on my make up..... That would be soooooo much fun!

Hey Tuscan people, where could they do this?

If it were me I would be singing "Hit the road Jack" to Bridezilla--"and don't you come back no more, no more!"

Seriously, an informal karaoke party with pizza and / or BBQ sounds like a lot of fun to me!

JKYlovesRuss
03-15-2008, 11:23 PM
That was very thoughtful of your mother in law to go to the trouble of making a cheesecake for dessert. Why did you roll your eyes?

1. yes it was nice of her.

2. because I felt like it! ;) :rolleyes:

paysensmom
03-15-2008, 11:39 PM
Oh, I left out the fact that she always tells us how reserved her family is. She always makes a point to tell us that our two families are SOOOO different. We are very outgoing, loud and love to goof around and we laugh a lot! If we make idiots of ourselves, it is all worth it if we made each other laugh!! I guess her family doesnt have fun?? I dont know, I have never met ANY of them.
And, no I do not approve of the marriage and I doubt there will be a divorce because she *****es my brother out daily and he is STILL marrying her?? Ugh. Whatever, its not my life, at least until they have kids. Which she said is priority number one as soon as they are married. :scared1: Because I will be seeing my neice/nephew or whatever they may be! I love my brother and they wanted family to be in the wedding. Her idea. But, he asked and at the time, I did not know it would be this way. Now, it is seriously to the point that I do not want to go. My husband already said he may not go. He said if he cant wear his wranglers, he is definitely NOT going!!! Okay, he was also asked to be in the wedding, but due to the unpredictable nature of his job, he couldnt accept. He is glad about that! My son is going to be the ring bearer, and even though my daughter is only 3 (she will be 4 in July) she is upset about not being included. I tried to get them to have just one more little girl walk down the aisle to throw flowers, but she didnt want that. Oh, well it is her wedding after all. I just dont know why they would ask 3 out of 4 of us? I understand her side of the family should be part of the wedding too, but why couldnt my sweet little girl walk too??? Anyway, thats just another thought that goes through my mind about this girl and her wedding.
Sorry to keep adding to the pot, but I just need to vent a little!!
Keep your thoughts coming please, I am really loving this. I have gotten ideas from here and passed them on to my parents. I love getting your ideas and giving her more options. Even though she says I am addicted to this board!!
Love you guys!!
Heather

Green Tea
03-16-2008, 06:41 AM
They can't; it's 2 hours from their home.

They could do the same thing at a public/state/ park. Is there a state park nearby, amybe with a lake or something. It could be beautiful/

paysensmom
03-16-2008, 01:43 PM
bump!! Please keep em coming!
Thanks!!

RachaelRol
03-16-2008, 01:54 PM
How about a mexican restaurant. There are probably sone good one in Tuscon and affordable I'm sure.

powellrj
03-16-2008, 03:47 PM
my DS is getting married in June and they are having a informal chicken and noodle dinner that the families are making. Her step-brother is making the chicken and noodles, her DM is making the mashed potatoes and I am making green beans, corn and salad. They are also inviting out of town family so there will be lots of people there.

Mkrop
03-16-2008, 04:20 PM
we just got back from dinner at a chain restaurant called Bucca Di Peppos, Italian nicer than Olive Garden. I kind of thought about this thread when DH mentioned he had been to one in FL when he went for a sales meeting, they took over one side of the restaurant. So I was kind of thinking maybe you could do that. Or when I worked a lot of these chain type places did have private rooms that we would have our holiday luncheons and I remember them not being super expensive.

paysensmom
03-17-2008, 11:33 AM
bumpity bump!!

Chicago526
03-17-2008, 11:44 AM
This is a long thread and I haven't read it so I'm sure someone has suggested this, but just in case...

My wedding was also formal and while there is no hard and fast rule about the rehersal dinner needing to be oposit, I decided that I wanted a casual rehersal dinner. I think I had something like 30 people and it cost less that $400. $250 or so for food from Famos Dave's BBQ (gooooood food! :) ) and the rest for alcohol, deserts, and paper supplies. SIL, who hosted it for me at her house since mine was too small to hold that many people, decorated for free (tea lights and rose petals scattered about all horizontal surfaces, cheap but elegant!).

So, if you have a friend or relative with a large enough space that's willing to host, a restaurant in the area that caters and has great food for resonable prices, the only other thing you'll need is a party supply store and time to make a run to your local liquor store!

My second plan was a restaurant that we have in the area has a group meal package that, for starting around $15 per person, had a three course meal with unlimited wine. Had our party been smaller (we had a lot of out of town guests we wanted to invite, and that would have put us over budget) we might have done that, even though it would have been a bit more fancy. For 20 people with tax and tip that'd be around $400, not bad for a nice sit down meal (and the restaurant in questions has EXCELLANT food!). So again, check out some restaurants in your area that may have private rooms, they could have a package that is more resonable than you'd think!

Jennifer823
03-17-2008, 11:47 AM
allot of people in our wedding party had no desire to have to deal with a long rehearsal and then a dinner afterwards since they had a long day ahead of them the next day. we purposely schedualed the rehearsal for after the dinner hour and then provided light snacks in the adjacent rehearsal hall. we had to decorate the place anyway so it was convenient. i've seen rehearsals with no dinner and it was never an issue or anyone thought anything less of it.


This is like we did, we had a rehearsal dessert. :)

brockscandy
03-17-2008, 03:24 PM
When DH and I got married, we ordered a 6ft. Subway sandwich (it was a long running joke between my dad and me) and our mom's provided chips and salads to go with it. It was very informal and fun. We stuck the leftovers in the fridge of the church. The next day before the wedding while everyone was waiting, they started digging the leftovers out and ate lunch. We didn't plan it, but it worked out great. Good Luck

Mouse House Mama
03-17-2008, 04:18 PM
I hope your parents get this all resolved and everyone is happy. For us, we didn't have a rehearsal- (didn't need one- you just walk down the aisle:confused3 ) but my MIL cooked a ham and some other food and we just all went to her house grabbed a plate and enjoyed. They had out of town guests that were staying so it was nice to visit with everyone. I was a bit laid back so I didn't have any demands.

Now here is where I will get flamed.
I think that while she may be a bit bridezilla, I think your family is a bit rude as well. You are annoyed because your dh can't wear jeans to the wedding? Come on! He is an adult! He cannot put on a proper outfit for a formal event? He can't wear a suit? I would be annoyed if I was the bride as well. Then he threatens not to come? That is over the top in my opinion. Before you all get nuts saying that I need to approve everyone's clothing that is not the case. I don't really care what people wear but I would like to think that they would dress appropriately for the event. Jeans is not appropriate even if you are a cowboy. You also mentioned that she asked your Mom to stop singing so she can study. I don't think that is being rude. The girl was trying to do schoolwork and perhaps can't concentrate while your mom is singing away. I have to say that reading your posts it seems like you want things your way. I think you may be a little familyzilla. She may be a PITA and you may not like her but I think you and your family are getting offended and annoyed because she doesn't do things like you guys do. Neither way is right but both are different. I am sorry if you think I am being harsh. I am not in any way trying to attack you or your family. I am sure you are all wonderful people. Maybe try and look at it from a different angle? I don't know. At any rate- I would tell your parents to do what they can afford. I am sure it will be wonderful. Good doesn't have to mean pricey. Good luck with everything. Maybe you will have a different view of her after the wedding.:hug:

paysensmom
03-17-2008, 04:43 PM
Now here is where I will get flamed.
I think that while she may be a bit bridezilla, I think your family is a bit rude as well. You are annoyed because your dh can't wear jeans to the wedding? Come on! He is an adult! He cannot put on a proper outfit for a formal event? He can't wear a suit? I would be annoyed if I was the bride as well. Then he threatens not to come? That is over the top in my opinion. Before you all get nuts saying that I need to approve everyone's clothing that is not the case. I don't really care what people wear but I would like to think that they would dress appropriately for the event. Jeans is not appropriate even if you are a cowboy. You also mentioned that she asked your Mom to stop singing so she can study. I don't think that is being rude. The girl was trying to do schoolwork and perhaps can't concentrate while your mom is singing away. I have to say that reading your posts it seems like you want things your way. I think you may be a little familyzilla. She may be a PITA and you may not like her but I think you and your family are getting offended and annoyed because she doesn't do things like you guys do. Neither way is right but both are different. I am sorry if you think I am being harsh. I am not in any way trying to attack you or your family. I am sure you are all wonderful people. Maybe try and look at it from a different angle? I don't know. At any rate- I would tell your parents to do what they can afford. I am sure it will be wonderful. Good doesn't have to mean pricey. Good luck with everything. Maybe you will have a different view of her after the wedding.:hug:

I sure will have a different viewof her after my wedding. Now she is someone I dislike, afterwards, she will be a sister-in-law whom I dislike.

Wow, maybe you failed to read the part about my husband wearing WRANGLERS IN my wedding!! As I mentioned they were black wranglers and they looked just fine by the way. And the main reason my husband doesnt want to go?....... He likes her about as much as the rest of my family does. I was in a formal bridal gown, my groomsmen and father were all in tuxedos. So, NO my husband is not being rude because he doesnt want to wear something he is not comfortable wearing. And for you to have the audacity to accuse my mother of being rude makes me LIVID. My parents are allowing her to live in their house for VERY little rent and you think it is okay for her to make demands of what my mother does in her OWN house?? Wow, I would like to move in with you since I could do whatever I wanted and that would be alright with you. So, she could go to the library and study or to her grandma's house or her uncle's house (both of them live in the same town) If she wanted to study she could make many other plans instead of trying to make demands of someone opening their home up.
Nope, I dont want her wedding to be done my way. I came on here and posted for advice on the rehearsal dinner and I gave some back ground info so people could know a little more of the situation. Not to be ridiculed for stating the facts.

Mouse House Mama
03-17-2008, 04:50 PM
I sure will have a different viewof her after my wedding. Now she is someone I dislike, afterwards, she will be a sister-in-law whom I dislike.

Wow, maybe you failed to read the part about my husband wearing WRANGLERS IN my wedding!! As I mentioned they were black wranglers and they looked just fine by the way. And the main reason my husband doesnt want to go?....... He likes her about as much as the rest of my family does. I was in a formal bridal gown, my groomsmen and father were all in tuxedos. So, NO my husband is not being rude because he doesnt want to wear something he is not comfortable wearing. And for you to have the audacity to accuse my mother of being rude makes me LIVID. My parents are allowing her to live in their house for VERY little rent and you think it is okay for her to make demands of what my mother does in her OWN house?? Wow, I would like to move in with you since I could do whatever I wanted and that would be alright with you. So, she could go to the library and study or to her grandma's house or her uncle's house (both of them live in the same town) If she wanted to study she could make many other plans instead of trying to make demands of someone opening their home up.
Nope, I dont want her wedding to be done my way. I came on here and posted for advice on the rehearsal dinner and I gave some back ground info so people could know a little more of the situation. Not to be ridiculed for stating the facts.


Whoa!!!!!
I think you misunderstood where I was coming from. You had issues with the girl and I was trying to give you a different perpective. It is very hard to plan something for someone when you don't like them and based only on what you posted about her and your reaction, I was trying to get you to see a different side of it because maybe you might feel better about the whole thing. I was not ridiculing you at all. I am sorry you felt that I was. That was not my intention.

sk!mom
03-17-2008, 05:05 PM
Thanks Pam! I will tell him for sure!


Okay, I know this is going to stir things up a bit, but................My brother AND her fiance are living with my parents:scared1: They do pay rent, but it is only 400 a month which doesnt even cover half of the mortgage payment let alone the bills!!! So, I really dont even feel they should be forking over ANY money for the rehearsal dinner.
My mother already gave them two months rent free so they could pay for a few more place settings since the place they chose is almost $100 per person:scared1: :love: Which SHE (ugh) always have to bring up how much money her mom is paying for the wedding already. She also told my mom in a condescending manner, that if she couldnt afford the dinner that her mother already said she would pay for it. Can ya tell I really dont like her much? Seriously, I should call bridezilla!! Anyway, tell me what you all think.
Thank you!!
Heather


I think that your parents are letting your brother and his fiance take advantage of them and you are angry (maybe jealous) and that is coloring your opinion of her. Remember your brother is going along with this- don't put all the blame on the bride.

Do your parents feel taken advantage of or is that your feeling?

I agree with all who have said that adults our responsible for their own parties. If someone (parents) want to help out- then great but no one is obligated. We are way past the days when weddings were a parent responsibility.

If your parents want to host a dinner then they should pick a place they can afford. If they cannot afford any place but they want to help out then they should offer an amount that they are comfortable with.

I have to say that I'm starting to feel a little sorry for the bride. I just haven't read where she has done anything worthy of the level of bad feelings that you seem to have.

pearlieq
03-17-2008, 05:06 PM
Wow, maybe you failed to read the part about my husband wearing WRANGLERS IN my wedding!! As I mentioned they were black wranglers and they looked just fine by the way. I was in a formal bridal gown, my groomsmen and father were all in tuxedos. So, NO my husband is not being rude because he doesnt want to wear something he is not comfortable wearing.

I can see she's not popular with the family, and it sounds like maybe there's good reason. But I can hardly fault the girl for not wanting jeans at her wedding. It's great that your husband got to do what he wanted for his own wedding--that's how it should be and I'm sure he looked mighty fine.

But generally jeans aren't acceptable attire for a wedding--them's just the rules. She shouldn't make a federal case out of it--sometimes you just have to deal with family as they are. But if we're keeping score here, she's "right" and he's "wrong" on this one.

To make an analogy--what if one of your uncles was a nudist? He prefers to go without clothes and doesn't particularly enjoy getting dressed--in fact, he didn't even wear any clothes at his own wedding. Wouldn't you still expect him to respect social conventions and put on some clothes for the wedding? It's kind of the same thing with the jeans.

Good luck with the whole situation--hopefull you guys can learn to live with each other and keep the family peace!

angeleigh
03-17-2008, 05:33 PM
I sure will have a different viewof her after my wedding. Now she is someone I dislike, afterwards, she will be a sister-in-law whom I dislike.

Wow, maybe you failed to read the part about my husband wearing WRANGLERS IN my wedding!! As I mentioned they were black wranglers and they looked just fine by the way. And the main reason my husband doesnt want to go?....... He likes her about as much as the rest of my family does. I was in a formal bridal gown, my groomsmen and father were all in tuxedos. So, NO my husband is not being rude because he doesnt want to wear something he is not comfortable wearing. And for you to have the audacity to accuse my mother of being rude makes me LIVID. My parents are allowing her to live in their house for VERY little rent and you think it is okay for her to make demands of what my mother does in her OWN house?? Wow, I would like to move in with you since I could do whatever I wanted and that would be alright with you. So, she could go to the library and study or to her grandma's house or her uncle's house (both of them live in the same town) If she wanted to study she could make many other plans instead of trying to make demands of someone opening their home up.
Nope, I dont want her wedding to be done my way. I came on here and posted for advice on the rehearsal dinner and I gave some back ground info so people could know a little more of the situation. Not to be ridiculed for stating the facts.

She could also get her own house to study in. Just my opinion.
For my rehearsal we did a dinner at the club where our reception was at and my sister cooked all of the food. We decorated the hall while we had the informal rehearsal dinner.

Mkrop
03-17-2008, 05:36 PM
Ihave to agree with the jeans issue too. Many in my family are jeans only kind of people yet they do own the obligatory suit for the wedding and funerals.

Ohter than that I hope your parents can find a place to afford the rehersal dinner I think you got some really good ideas.

paysensmom
03-17-2008, 05:51 PM
Whoa!!!!!
I think you misunderstood where I was coming from. You had issues with the girl and I was trying to give you a different perpective. It is very hard to plan something for someone when you don't like them and based only on what you posted about her and your reaction, I was trying to get you to see a different side of it because maybe you might feel better about the whole thing. I was not ridiculing you at all. I am sorry you felt that I was. That was not my intention.
Hey sorry to get so angry. I did feel like you were ridiculing my family because you used the words rude and familyzilla? But, my fuming response is stemming from frustration I have with her. I dont want this thread to take a turn like many others have. So, I apologize.

I think that your parents are letting your brother and his fiance take advantage of them and you are angry (maybe jealous) and that is coloring your opinion of her. Remember your brother is going along with this- don't put all the blame on the bride.

Do your parents feel taken advantage of or is that your feeling?

I have to say that I'm starting to feel a little sorry for the bride. I just haven't read where she has done anything worthy of the level of bad feelings that you seem to have.
My parents have been taken advantage of by her AND of course my brother as well for the past two years!!!! They have lived there without helping with any clean up and they have their dog in the house that my parents do not like at all. She has used regular detergent in my mom's brand new washer that says HE only!! ( I have to give a little explanation that will give you a little more insight on her) She has a little bottle of HE tide sitting in the laundry room, of course it has her name on it to be sure my mother doesnt use HER detergent!! My mom put her dog back in their bedroom the other day and found two large bottles of regular tide, one of which was half empty...Anyway, she has been filling her little bottle of "he" with the regular stuff so my mom thinks she is doing what she asked her to do :confused: There are many, many other things like this that I will not get into because that isnt the topic I am interested in discussing.
And YES my parents feel taken advantage of and I am not jeleous of moochers. I just hate to see my parents being taken advantage of and my parents dont want to say anything so they dont get mad at them!!

I can see she's not popular with the family, and it sounds like maybe there's good reason. But I can hardly fault the girl for not wanting jeans at her wedding. It's great that your husband got to do what he wanted for his own wedding--that's how it should be and I'm sure he looked mighty fine.

But generally jeans aren't acceptable attire for a wedding--them's just the rules. She shouldn't make a federal case out of it--sometimes you just have to deal with family as they are. But if we're keeping score here, she's "right" and he's "wrong" on this one.

To make an analogy--what if one of your uncles was a nudist? He prefers to go without clothes and doesn't particularly enjoy getting dressed--in fact, he didn't even wear any clothes at his own wedding. Wouldn't you still expect him to respect social conventions and put on some clothes for the wedding? It's kind of the same thing with the jeans.

Good luck with the whole situation--hopefull you guys can learn to live with each other and keep the family peace!

I really dont care about the jean thing, I just dont see how him in wranglers would "ruin" her wedding thats all. But I think if he goes he will just wear his uniform since he is in the Navy.

She could also get her own house to study in. Just my opinion.
For my rehearsal we did a dinner at the club where our reception was at and my sister cooked all of the food. We decorated the hall while we had the informal rehearsal dinner.
Oh, yeah about the house!! I have asked my brother when they are gonna start looking for houses and he says, "oh sometime after our honey moon" WHAT? When you get married, you are or should be on your own. But hey, thats must be just me!

Thank you all for the discussion and please keep the ideas coming!!
Heather :cutie:

paysensmom
03-17-2008, 08:06 PM
bump for the evening crowd!!

Fizzgig
03-17-2008, 08:41 PM
I use regular Era in my front loader. Have for 4+ years. I just use less than normal.

I do the same thing with Woolite and fabric softener.

I understand how if you really are fed up with someone, the little things make you :headache: :mad: but reassure your mom that regular soap won't break her washer. The HE soap is just a scam. If you use too much soap in my Kenmore He, it just tells you "suds".

ajk912
03-18-2008, 02:26 AM
Hey, I would rather where jeans everywhere too- I HATE dressing up. But I do it for the respect of others. I would have worn jeans to my own wedding too, but did the white wedding dress to make everyone else happy. I am sure it won't kill your husband to have him wear a pair of dress pants for the day. Black wranglers..though nicer looking than stonewashed wranglers, are still black jeans.

BTW, guests in your own home..rent paying family..whatever..I still think it's rude to be singing when someone is trying to study. The studying person could have gone to another room, and the singer could have toned it down..but IMO studying takes presedence over singing. As for the rent thing, I know they don't pay half plus utilities, but to be fair..your parents probably set the price (or if they didn't, maybe they should raise it if they are getting that bent out of shape over it that it is is caused obvious bad blood!) I know we aren't hearing the whole story..but I hate when people offer to help someone out/give them a place to stay/let them live with them while finding a new place and then complain about it the whole time looking for sympathy. I would be thinking... Sheesh, if you didn't want me here, why didn't you SAY something before the Uhaul pulled up? :confused3

Anyway, good luck with everything! I agree with the others, I would give a little. And no, I don't think a rehearsal dinner is necessary. I think bridezilla can give on that..I would be more concerned about the other family issues.

scrapquitler
03-18-2008, 08:38 AM
We had our rehersal dinner at our apartment. I made lots of chips/dips kinds of things and a big salad and a couple of pans of lasagna and a couple of deserts. Everyone in the wedding party and all of our parents and siblings came to our apartment after the rehersal and we just hung out and ate and relaxed.

paysensmom
03-18-2008, 01:51 PM
I wish the wedding was in a town where ANY of our friends or family actually lived!! That is the big problem, because my parents would much rather have it at thei house. It would be cheaper, more relaxed and all of the out of state guests would also get to come!!
Heather

Tink113
03-18-2008, 02:28 PM
I went to a rehearsal dinner where the grooms parents rented an old time theater. (Mainly used now as a movie theater with tables that serves adult beverages & food for a late night older crowd). Most places have one. I can think of two within 30 mins of here. We had homemade sandwiches & chips (yes SANDWICHES). Think indoor picnic style. While everyone was eating, the parents had the theater play some home movies of the bride & groom when the where young. It was really cool. They also happen to catch the engagement on tape so they played that too.

The theater was super cheap to rent since it was an early dinner (like 4:30-5pm) an they normally wouldn't be open anyway.

Just an idea. The movies made it cool enough that everyone didn't care that we were eating sandwiches and punch!

tinkarooni
03-18-2008, 02:35 PM
Hello OP. I have not read the entire thread but rather bits and pieces. My advice is truly heartfelt and what I would tell a friend. Try and let it go. A lot of the issues you bring up are about your parents and the bride and groom. Let your parents deal with it themselves. If they want to toss them out of the house they will, it really is not your business to be involved in. Take a step back and take a deep breath. Don't let all of the little things get to you. (which they are) Put things into perspective, I realize right now you're ticked off but in 5 years are you going to remember being bugged because you're Mom was bugged about laundry detergent?

Weddings really do take a toll on everyone...it's just a shame to let one day's worth of events color these relationships for the rest of your lives. And whether you like it or not she is marrying your brother.

I also have to say that I agree, black jeans are not appropriate for "most" weddings and I thought the nudist analogy was a good one.

Good Luck.

budbeerlady
03-18-2008, 03:39 PM
I went to a rehearsal dinner where the grooms parents rented an old time theater. (Mainly used now as a movie theater with tables that serves adult beverages & food for a late night older crowd). Most places have one. I can think of two within 30 mins of here. We had homemade sandwiches & chips (yes SANDWICHES). Think indoor picnic style. While everyone was eating, the parents had the theater play some home movies of the bride & groom when the where young. It was really cool. They also happen to catch the engagement on tape so they played that too.

The theater was super cheap to rent since it was an early dinner (like 4:30-5pm) an they normally wouldn't be open anyway.

Just an idea. The movies made it cool enough that everyone didn't care that we were eating sandwiches and punch!


That is a cool idea, I dont know anyone in my family getting married anytime soon but I will sock that away in my memory!

paysensmom
03-22-2008, 06:31 PM
Anybody have any more ideas?
Thanks!
Heather

lila
03-23-2008, 05:09 PM
OP - I would highly recommend you check out theknot.com message boards or weddingchannel for many more ideas. Many of those girls have done some creative and great RDs with budgets. At least on theknot, there should be a board specifically for AZ, perhaps even Tucson itself.

And also, I concur with everyone else on the jeans issue - that's definitely a no-go.

Best wishes.