I'm struggling

[AmandaSparks730]

I'm seriously struggling right now. I've posted on these boards a few times, in case you don't know me. Well...I'm not really sure what's going on right now. When other girls hug me or whatever, I'm fine, I feel nothing (well, not nothing, but you know). But when my best friend puts her arm around me, o comforts me, or even hugs me sometimes, I feel...like, a tingly feeling. Electrodes. I've read girl-on-girl sex stories online (and I'm young for those, a bit!), and I always get turned-on. I've had same-sex fantasies. And...I'm really not sure what's going on with me right now. As of now, I'm a high school freshman, female, straight. Anyone have any advice to me? Should I talk to my lesbian friend (who happens to be the best friend mentioned before) or...? Any advice would be great, thanks.

[DVC~OKW~96]

You should take a big breath. {{{hugs}}} You are young. In the grand scheme of things you are. :) By talking to your friend do you mean about feeling like you have romatic feelings or talking about being a lesbian in general?

Defining who you are is much more than sexual/physical attraction, eh? Right now try not to worry overmuch about labels like straight and gay.

Talk with your friend or a trusted adult who will be supportive if you think it will help. It's usually a long road to walk, and taking small steps is not a bad idea. {{{hugs}}}

[AmandaSparks730]

You should take a big breath. {{{hugs}}} You are young. In the grand scheme of things you are. :) By talking to your friend do you mean about feeling like you have romatic feelings or talking about being a lesbian in general?

Defining who you are is much more than sexual/physical attraction, eh? Right now try not to worry overmuch about labels like straight and gay.

Talk with your friend or a trusted adult who will be supportive if you think it will help. It's usually a long road to walk, and taking small steps is not a bad idea. {{{hugs}}}

Thanks! By talking to her, I mean about sexuality. She struggled with hers for years. Deep inside, she knew she was a lesbian, but she told herself that she liked boys. It wasn't until around 8th grade that she made the relevation that she was lesbian. She understands me the most, so talking to her might help. Thanks, though, for posting!

[AmandaSparks730]

I'm 99% sure I'm bisexual. Can anyone help me?? Please? I haven't gotten as many responses to this as I hoped. It makes me feel invivsible. Is anyone out there for me to talk to?!

[OrlandoMike]

We're all here for you.

One day at a time, there is no rush to make these life changing decisions.

[rosiep]

Amanda..:grouphug: I'm sorry I have posted earlier (life tends to get in the way and all that :cutie: ) but I just wanted to reassure you that you don't need to label yourself. You can be just who ever you are with out trying to fit into a neat little box. Peolpe aren't like that. I, too, find women attractive...but I've been married for 24 years and we are momogamous..so what does that make me?? It doesn't matter. All that matters is that you be comfortable with who you are.

If you need to PM me feel free to do that. I haven't been responding to posts lately because I've been distracted.

The community is here for you. I assure you. Mike was right, take a deep breath and take things a day at a time.

Let us know what's going on.
Rosie

[TuckandStuiesMom]

I'm 99% sure I'm bisexual. Can anyone help me?? Please? I haven't gotten as many responses to this as I hoped. It makes me feel invivsible. Is anyone out there for me to talk to?!

DVC, Rosie and Mike are right, Amanda. Relax a bit, be kind to yourself, get to know what makes you special and unique -- and things will work out in the right way, in the right order, at the right time. :grouphug: There is an analogy that anybody's life is like a tapestry. we are so busy worrying about the placement of individual threads, that we do not find time to step back and see the overall pattern. And yet, the only way the design is meaningful is in its totality.

[AmandaSparks730]

Ok, so I talked to my lesbian friend (and I hate referring to her as that right now, but I don't want to give out names!), and well...she says she's there for me. And she knows what I'm going through, and not to worry about labels. We started talking about "gaydar" (which is in a lesbian love story we're reading), and she said that her "gaydar" went off the minute she saw me, before we even met each other. I think she's right. And well, I've thought I've had crushes on my girl friends, but...I guess I denied it. So, that's what's new.

[OrlandoMike]

Amanda, we all come to terms with who we are on a daily basis, for our entire lives. I learn something new every day, even about myself. At your age things about your sexuality seem so confusing.

If I had any advice to give it may be this.

Dont fret about it. It is what it is. Get to know people as friends. After all, if and when you do settle down with someone it's a lot easier if you are best friends before lovers. If this best friend happens to be a girl or a boy, either way, it will be good because you are friends first.

[AmandaSparks730]

Thanks, Mike :)
That's actually what I want, for my lover to be my best friend AND my lover. I'm single currently, never had a boy/girlfriend (but want one!!) I've told two friends about this whole thing so far. I'm not quite ready to tell anyone else just yet, because I'm scared to.

[MousekaMaddi]

Hi Amanda,
I agree........just be yourself - :thumbsup2

[rosiep]

Thanks, Mike :)
That's actually what I want, for my lover to be my best friend AND my lover. I'm single currently, never had a boy/girlfriend (but want one!!) I've told two friends about this whole thing so far. I'm not quite ready to tell anyone else just yet, because I'm scared to.

No need to tell everyone. I know it's instictive to want people to know the "real" you...but time will share that better than words can. Be patient with yourself. There's no "have to" right now.

Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you today.
Rosie

[AmandaSparks730]

:hug: Thanks, Rosie! It's nice to know that you're thinking of me. I'm still trying to find me. Here's a description of moi:

*Athiest
*Dancer
*Guitarist (beginner)
*Reads a looooooot
*Writer
*Loves musicals (especially RENT, WICKED, POTO, etc)
*Music: Punk-pop, metal (and show tunes!!)
*Short (not even 5', and I'm a freshman!)
*Glasses
*Brunette
*Hearing impaired (left ear:mild-moderate. right ear: moderate-severe)
*Dark brown eyes
*Loves Disney AND Universal
*Loves friends with all my heart
*For GBLTQ
*Hates homophobia and stereotypes
and
*Possibly bi

I want people to know me, but it'll take awhile. ONE person knows me the best, my best BEST friend in the whole world. She knows all this, and more. I really, really love her.

You guys are all so supportive! Thanks so, so much. :grouphug:

[rosiep]

I'm hearing impaired, short (5'2") and have dark brown eyes..... and I'm bi.....maybe we're related :eek:

[AmandaSparks730]

Maybe we are! Wow. It's cool to know that there are others with hearing loss out there. And short people, too. **Off topic, but funny. My friend is at least 5'9". Her mom is just about 5'1". Her dad is around 6'something. Go figure**
I'm going to PM you about something...

[OrlandoMike]

Amanda, do you like coffee? Cuz if your going to be related to Rosie your going to have to learn to suck down plenty of that!

[MousekaMaddi]

........just thinking of u .......hope u are having a good week........jump in and tell us how your day is going:)

[AmandaSparks730]

Mike-no, I'm not a coffee fan, but thanks for the heads-up! :lmao:

I'll be back later, after school, with another update. Does anyone else feel that 7:24 is a little *too* early for class? :rotfl: (Does anyone else feel that 7:24 is an abnormal school starting time, and 1:51 is an abnormal ending time?)

[OrlandoMike]

At your age 7:24 is too early for anything! :lmao:

[AmandaSparks730]

:rotfl: True!

Ok, today:

PROS: I "came out" to two more of my close friends! And me and my friend (who were in a fight) made up! :hug:

CONS: Got in trouble for passing notes in Spanish (about this whole thing), missed my bus, and fell off the stablility ball in gym (and thus, my friends--and crush--laughed at me!!) :scared1: :eek:

Altogether, not a bad day (overall) I seem to be better at communicating in note form (or written form), so I've been (I have been) writing notes to the friends that I'm coming out to. So far, surprisingly, no one's overreacted, been too surprised, or said much about it. I guess that's a good thing...

[MousekaMaddi]

yikes!!!!!!!!:eek: :scared1:
I would HATE for those NOTES to get in the hands of the wrong people.

[AmandaSparks730]

Don't worry, the teacher (aka the Wicked Witch) didn't confiscate it! I'd hate if ANY personal note was seen by unwanted eyes!

[2moms]

yikes!!!!!!!!:eek: :scared1:
I would HATE for those NOTES to get in the hands of the wrong people.


I'd have to agree there...sometimes notes get misplaced and wind up getting picked up and read by others who are not so caring/understanding. Just be careful!
I'd also like to agree with what all the others have written, you have plenty of time to figure out who you are. Don't rush into labeling yourself gay/straight/bi just yet...don't even worry about that...just enjoy being in high school and have fun...:thumbsup2 Ahhh to be 15 again and know what I know now!:rotfl:
Good luck!:cheer2:

[PghLybrt]

Hi sorry I have not been around

I just wanted to ad a bit of my insight.


I dated in high school, both guys and girls. However when I was in high school nobody knew about the girls. It was not until college that I actually figured out who I am and what I wanted. Needless to say I have changed a lot since High school, and so will you! We have our whole lives to do what we want, figure out what we need and who we want to be with.

I guess what I am saying is try not to pigeon hole yourself at such a young age. Go out and enjoy being young. The rest of your life is not a decision you have to make overnight!

(Now I am not implying that you don't know who you are , I am simply saying that in high school I wish that I had just let things happen and experienced all high school had to offer)

I wish you the best. High school seems so hard when you are there but is remembered with such rose colored glasses. Just enjoy.
:flower3:

[PghLybrt]

yikes!!!!!!!!:eek: :scared1:
I would HATE for those NOTES to get in the hands of the wrong people.

really off topic......


My best friend and I just passed a note book. Teachers never thought anything about it. However i can only imagine what would have happened if they did!!! It wasnt just one note but pages and pages and pages!!!


(Istill have one, it is the funniest read ever!)

[AmandaSparks730]

Good idea about the notebook, OP! ;)

I'm making good progress. I came out to 3 people yesterday! Go me, go me! And normally, I'm so shy...

Well, it was through written form that I told them, since I seem to express myself better through written words than spoken words, but I still told them! And they're fine with it. Probably after the shock of my BFF coming out kinda wore out the shock part of their brains! (none of us expected it at all when she came out)

I'm doing well otherwise. I'm going to try to come out slowly, maybe one person a day. How do I tell parents, though? :confused:

[invisible_children07]

hey amanda
my name is tyler, nice to meet you

listen.
you sound almost identical to me when I was a high school freshmen (im a college freshmen now)

coming to terms with your sexuality is a long ardous journey that you will, i promise, never take alone. there are plenty of people out there that want to help you I'm sure and you came to the right place asking us for help.

no need for lables, psh, those are old fashioned. If you want to know what i consider myself well it goes something like queer pansexual pre-op FTM but i mean. who cares right? love who you love. lust who you lust

dont make a big deal out of telling everyone yet. accepting is a huge part of the process of understand anything about yourself.

i wish you well and if you need to talk or anything
xxxxyellowbird is my AIM name, I'd be happy to talk to you

(p.s. I'm studying in college to do...well...just what were talking about right now. yay! who ever thought LGBT studies would be a minor. exciting stuff)

tyler

[invisible_children07]

another p.s.

parents are a hard thing to deal with
probably not the best idea to go there yet
i don't know much about your situation but
it can present many problems or lack there of
sometimes is creates the
"elephant in the room" effect if you know what i'm saying
its probably best to hold that off until you really know whats going on

i was out in the 7th grade but my parents didn't find out about
me being queer until sophomore year
and i havent outed myself as FTM yet and well
that is not going to be fun

tyler

[AmandaSparks730]

Thanks, Tyler :hug:

Wow, they have a minor in that?! Cool! :dance3:

My best, best, BEST friend is a lesbian, and she wants to become a FTM when she's old enough. So...yeah.

I'm not planning on telling my parents. I'm too scared to. :guilty:

As for labels, I'm trying not to label myself.

Maybe a few GSA meetings at school will help with some things...hmmm...:idea:

[invisible_children07]

i guess im not following
how can you become a FTM
well

im glad i could help
if you have any questions
just ask
im here to help

[AmandaSparks730]

i guess im not following
how can you become a FTM
well

im glad i could help
if you have any questions
just ask
im here to help

Oh, goodness, I don't want to become a FTM! My best friend does, in fact. Heck, I didn't even know what gay/lesbian/bisexual/transsexual WAS until I saw RENT in 7th grade! :eek: (I am in honors classes, and I had heard those terms before, I just didn't exactly know what they ment)

Gosh, I'm bored. Killing time before American Idol. :bored:

But...there's a thing...I think I'm falling for my best friend. Gahhhh what now?! ALSO, my other best friend (one of many) is having surgury on Thursday!! :guilty: ANY HELP FOR POOR SPARKIE?!

[invisible_children07]

no i mean
how does one become a FTM
i just don't understand that concept
never mind

just slow down
breath
things will be fine

p.s.
were doing a drag show at school
la vie bohemme is the last number
i'm playing mark
haha

[AmandaSparks730]

Ha! LOL. I love Mark!

As for the FTM thing, I asked the same thing a while ago, on these boards. Just search on these forums for the one titled "Best Friend Help". It's old(er), so you'll have to go back a little.

And I have good news for all!!

I. Have. A. Girlfriend!!!!!!!!!!!
:goodvibes :banana: :lovestruc :love: :yay: :hug: :cutie: :upsidedow :flower3: :cheer2:

My best friend asked me out when we were talking online last night! It was so, so cute. I can't stop smiling right now!!:cloud9:

[invisible_children07]

oh my
a girlfriend?
spill

[2moms]

Wow! You're a fast worker...you went from confused about your sexuality to having a girlfriend in 6 days!:laughing:

[AmandaSparks730]

oh my
a girlfriend?
spill

:laughing: ok!

Well...let's see. We've been best friends since April/May last year. We're extremely close. We actually know pretty much everything about each other. She's:

Pretty
Sweet
Cool
Funny
Nice
Comforting
Understanding
and the best person in my world :lovestruc
She wrote a SONG for me!! I almost cried when I read it, too! We really, really love each other. It was very cute when she asked me last night. I'm so, so happy!:upsidedow

[invisible_children07]

awh
young high school love
thats so cute
have fun

[AmandaSparks730]

Thanks! She just left the sweetest IM's while I was watching AI. She actually left the lyrics to this song: I wanna stand with you on a mountain,
I wanna bathe with you in the sea.
I wanna live like this forever,
Until the sky falls down over me...
So, awww! She really loves me, and I really love her. Soooooo happy!!

[invisible_children07]

awh

well today i spent the entire day discussing gay theory with about 7 different people
it was awesome!

[AmandaSparks730]

Sounds awesome!

[AmandaSparks730]

SQUEE!!

I got my first kiss last night!!

I'M SO HAPPY NOW WITH MY SUPER AMAZING GIRLFRIEND!! :goodvibes :goodvibes :goodvibes :goodvibes :hug: :lovestruc :lovestruc :love: :love: :yay: :cool1: :cutie: :angel: :flower3: :upsidedow :woohoo:

What's up with everyone else lately?

[invisible_children07]

thats wonderful for you
im happy
yay!

[Tara8595]

hey there. just read this whole thread and thought I'd weigh in. school sure is different than when I was 14 and a high school freshman. I'm pushing 40 now and in the 80s, you had crushes, but not girlfriends....

i just wanted to encourage you to not label yourself, and don't feel that you have to tell everyone you know about how you feel. it's okay to keep some things to yourself. I know that feelings can be very intense and strong when you are a teenager, but a funny thing happens once you put yourself into a box.

Even if you build the box yourself, you may find it hard to get out of once you're in there. What I mean is, the more you label yourself, and the more you tell people, and make statements to yourself and others, "I AM A LESBIAN!" - the more you'll feel pressured to follow through with that course in your life than if you didn't.

I would encourage you to leave yourself the option to follow your heart wherever it leads, because you have many loves ahead of you. You might miss out on some good opportunities by choosing such a limited road for yourself so early in life. And though you don't think so right now, your map is going to change about a million times over the next 10 years or so - so just leave yourself some other routes to some other destinations, instead of clinging so tightly to just one course.

-advice from a 'married' dyed in the wool gay ex-cheerleader who had many boyfriends in high school, went to all the dances, but later married a woman and had a baby. isn't he cute?

[RickinNYC]

-advice from a 'married' dyed in the wool gay ex-cheerleader who had many boyfriends in high school, went to all the dances, but later married a woman and had a baby. isn't he cute?


And very good advice as well!

And said advice is supported by a "married" dyed in the wool gay ex-student council/honor society/sports minded/many girlfriends in high school, but later fell in love with a man and 17+ years later still love him to death.

And yes, your baby is CUTE!

[AmandaSparks730]

Aww, adorable baby, Tara!

It's our 1-week anniversary! :banana:

[AmandaSparks730]

Well. It happened today. The Break-Up. She broke up with me. I'm upset, yes, very. More so because I came out to my parents last nite, and she broke up with me today so...

I'm talking to her ex right now, which is really helping me feel SO much better!!! YAY!!!

I'm not sure I'll be talking to her tomorrow. I'll just start crying, or get really mad at her.

This hurts, but I'm going to try to stay strong.

We're friends for now. But it's going to be awkward for awhile, until everything cools down.

So I'm not really heartbroken, but more mad.

Thought I'd let y'all know.

[invisible_children07]

awh don't sweat it kid
these things happen
you'll be fine for sure
just make sure things are chill with each other
how did your parents take it?

[AmandaSparks730]

They took it pretty well, actually. They'll still love me, no matter what. My (ex) girlfriend and I are better now. So, all's good.