Dining Dilemma

[Figment56]

:eek: I have never experienced this before and really need some advice! My daughter has invited a friend to join us when we go in August. We just found out that this girl will NOT eat in any restuarant! :sad2: This is not a young girl but a college student. She has some phobia about eating out. She also is not on the dining plan at college. We usually love to go to the restaurants and make our ressies way ahead of time. Do we leave her back at the resort and go out for dinner? We also wanted to add the dining plan, so do we just say it is a party of three checking in to get the dining plan and let her and my daughter share her card to get in and out? I really have a dilemma and don't know what to do! Should we make ressies for 4 and only three will be eating? See what I mean!

[CarolAnnC]

It is not a good idea to not put her on the ressie and provide her a KTTW card. In August they are often checking cards at BWV pool I know for sure, and at BCV you will always have to provide your card to use the Stormalong Bay pool area.

Also, she will need it for the early morning park hours in order to be allowed entry. I would add her to the DDP, make sure she knows she has to pay for this, and let her bring doggie bags to the meals.

And, I would also suggest to her parents that she get help for her eating disorder because that is obviously what is going on here.

[starbox]

It is not a good idea to not put her on the ressie and provide her a KTTW card. In August they are often checking cards at BWV pool I know for sure, and at BCV you will always have to provide your card to use the Stormalong Bay pool area.

Also, she will need it for the early morning park hours in order to be allowed entry. I would add her to the DDP, make sure she knows she has to pay for this, and let her bring doggie bags to the meals.

And, I would also suggest to her parents that she get help for her eating disorder because that is obviously what is going on here.

That's very sad - and I agree w/PP that it sounds like an eating disorder - which is really, really serious. You can't plan your vacation around not eating. If it were me, I'd have a serious talk w/ DD - is a Disney vacation really a good idea for a person who will not eat anything in a restaurant/in public? Perhaps this young woman would be more comfortable visiting your family at your home? Would the friend be comfortable going to restaurants with you but not eating - many of the restaurants are an attraction in and of themselves.

If she feel able to handle Disney & you are sold on the DDP - I'd just get the DDP and use the extra credits to eat at a few signature places - just you and DH or w/ your daughter while her friend went back to the villa to eat.

[Figment56]

We are also considering getting the dining card (Yes, we are annual pass holders). This might be the better way to go because we can let her check-in with us and also we will make ressies for four and maybe she will/won't eat but at least we will be able to eat where we want to!

[Chuck S]

If she won't eat restaurant food, just what does she plan to eat on vacation?

I agree, you need to put her on the reservation, and then make a decision as to whether the DDP is best for you this trip, or not. If you really want the DDP, then this girl either needs to decide to eat, or realize that her not eating would possibly put you and your family in a bit of financial quandary about paying for the DDP and not using it. I think, personally, you have a legitimate reason to "dis-invite" this person, and be sure she understands why.

[rinkwide]

I seem to have the same eating disorder, but in reverse.

[all4fun]

The DDE card now just seems to be a way to offset the 18% auto-gratuity they add to your bill.

If you plan to have three meals a day sometimes, you could add her to your dining plan and use her credits for the extra table counter service, table service, and snacks the rest of your party might want.

[princessvacg]

I know someone like that also. Personally, if that was my daughter, I would want her on the trip. Also, if you still want the DDP I would talk to someone to let them know the situation and I am sure they would still let you get the DDP without her on it. This is a special circumstance.

[princessvacg]

Sorry, my bad, I read the post wrong. I thought it was the posters daughter. I would still see about getting the DDP without her on it. :confused3

[2Princes2Princesses]

She may not have an eating disorder. She may just have a phobia. I have OCD and I cannot eat in certain restaurants, due to past experiences with hair in my food, friends who worked there that mentioned cleanliness issues, etc. She may have an aversion to food prepared by people she does not know. That is not an eating disorder. I cannot eat off of dishes at home that have been washed by anyone but myself or DH. (how do I eat at restaurants? My ex is a cook and told me the dishwashers at restaurants could burn the skin off your arm. True? Maybe not, but whatever works. It gets me out to dinner. :lmao: )

I wish I had some advice for you. I have a whole plethora of things that I do or use (my wonderful compulsions) that get me through it and let me do things that I normally would not have been able to. But without knowing her specific issue, it is tough, and since this is not something new for her, I don't see her fixing it suddenly for a vacation, unfortunately.

I do recommend that your daughter encourage her friend to see someone about this phobia, because if it is a germaphobia type thing, it most likely WILL get worse, and she may find herself completely locked away in her house, afraid to go anywhere. I have been there. :guilty:

[Chuck S]

Sorry, my bad, I read the post wrong. I thought it was the posters daughter. I would still see about getting the DDP without her on it. :confused3

It has been reported that for the DDP everyone in the room has to be on it, even those with medical nutritional requirements, so I doubt they will remove someone that will be there for the entire trip but just won't eat. It won't hurt to try, but I really doubt you'll be successful.

[TisBit]

We are also considering getting the dining card (Yes, we are annual pass holders). This might be the better way to go because we can let her check-in with us and also we will make ressies for four and maybe she will/won't eat but at least we will be able to eat where we want to!

DDE definitely seems to be the way to go then. A lot cheaper than paying for an extra DDP!

The DDE card now just seems to be a way to offset the 18% auto-gratuity they add to your bill.



Without getting off topic, this might be one way to look at it, but you have to tip something anyways.....so its still a discount. Now if you usually stiff them on their tip, then your right, no savings! j/k :lmao:

[bbangel]

She may not have an eating disorder. She may just have a phobia. :

I was going to say this exact same thing. I have a friend who suffers from OCD and she has real problems eating out. Your daughters friend may already be seeking treatment for her problem and calling attention to it will only make her feel worse. Hard to tell you what to do. Is talking to her parents an option?

[zumbergc]

Does the girl have some type of food allergy, food preservative issues going on? If she did, she may feel its just easier eating back at the resort because she knows what she is eating is safe.

Being around people who are not senstive to those kinds of issues, because it does sometimes take longer because things are prepared seperately, you have to wait to see the chef etc, and may not want to deal w/ that. Disney will help out w/ food allergy issues, although on 2 occasions I got sick from their "safe meal" that was prepared for me. Some people view it as someone being picky, verse the issue that it makes them sick.

If it isn't prepared correctly the first time, having to wait yet again for them to prepare the food.

[Dean]

This is a tough situation. I hope this was explained to you prior to her being invited or at least the plans being finalized. I wish the best for the young lady in question but don't want it to put too much a damper on your plans. As asked earlier, what IS she going to do about food. Will she do counter service, will you have a car to get her things she may need/want, how much of your time will be spent accomodating this issue. It does seem she needs help regardless of the root of her issues, I hope she is getting it but realize it's not your place to know or tell. Good luck and let us know how it turns out.

[BigMama]

Maybe She Should Reconsider Going. Or. Just Go To The Restaurant Without Her I'm Sure She Is Use To It.

[Lynne M]

Maybe She Should Reconsider Going. Or. Just Go To The Restaurant Without Her I'm Sure She Is Use To It.

Yeah, but she's going to have to eat something. I think you need more information from her, before making any decisions. If she's concerned about cleanliness of food prep, will she not eat any food that's prepared in a restaurant? Since she knows that you'll be staying at a timeshare, is she assuming that you'll be cooking in the villa most of the time?

[snowbunny]

And, I would also suggest to her parents that she get help for her eating disorder because that is obviously what is going on here.

My first thought as well.
Edited to add, it should be relatively easy to determine whether the problem is a phobia such as germs, or an eating disorder, such as anorexia. Either way she needs help and in your position, I would have to ask myself whether the condition is something I am willing to enable by agreeing to work around it.

[Figment56]

To answer a lot of your questions, no, we did not know of this before she was invited. Also, I guess she won't eat anything that someone else has touched. I don't think my daughter knew this of this girl ahead of time because my daughter mentioned about going to the restaurants and this is when her friend told her of her situation! This was after she had already booked her plane ticket! :confused3 I believe that this girl plans on eating in the timeshare by making her own food (things that other people have touched)! I really would like to ask my daughter to uninvite this girl (we've never met her-new college friend) but don't know how to do it in a diplomatic way as she already has her plane ticket! My daughter is an only child and for the past 5 or 6 years we have allowed her to take a friend or my niece has come with us a few times. Some years have been more trying than others but never anything like this!

[CarolMN]

If it were me, I'd just get the DDE for this trip, make the reservations for the restaurants you & your DH want and ask your daughter to talk to her friend about meals.

If you won't have a car, the friend is going to have to rely on things from the resort's general store, or pack some food in her luggage to take along. Your daughter is the one who will be obligated to spend the most time with her friend (who is her guest) and have to deal with the eating issues.

Perhaps your daughter will choose to go back to the room to eat with her friend if you all are out at meal times. (Counter service does offer to go - your daughter can do that and maybe the friend will be OK with pre-packaged items or whole fruit that she can wash herself, etc.). I think it is up to your daughter to explain how the meals will work and the friend to deal with it. You are just providing the lodging, right?

FWIW, I don't think it is really your place to suggest the friend get help. I think the friend knows she has a problem. Just be sure your daughter tells her friend what to expect - maybe the friend will elect to cancel.

Good luck!

[Dean]

Possibly she could take a small softsided cooler and pack her meals for the parks so there's not such a downtime. This could work well with her friend who could get CS meals and eat with her if she could handled that approach. I hope it works out.

[dianeschlicht]

YOu have had some good advice above. I would suggest that you sit down with this invited guest NOW and talk it out. I would probably do the DDE this trip just to simplify the situation and not have to pay for the additional person, but you also need to address what and how she WILL eat while on vacation. If she will only eat home prepared food in the villa, who is going to prepare it? This is a burden SHE needs to figure out before she accepts your invitation. No matter if it is an eating disorder or a phobia, it is unfair to the rest to have to deal with her problem. She needs to be the one who understands the consequences of her actions, and to decide if she can deal with it in that situation. My guess is she is going to back out last minute anyway.

[eliza61]

Could your daughter talk with the young lady. How does she handle other vacation plans? She may actually have coping mechanisms. I would tell her exactly what you guys plan on doing (DDP and restaurants) and then let her decide what she can and cannot handle.

[Chuck S]

If you have a car, you might also try POP Century's food court. Some items, like the pizzas, are basically heated right in front of you, you can watch them get the pre-made pizza out of the walk-in cooler, place it on the oven conveyor belt, plate it, slice it, and give it to her.

Of course, then she'd have to deal with the seating area, where tables may not be cleaned right away.

I just hope it doesn't diminish your enjoyment of your trip, but having to decide between DDP, DDE or cash, and wonder about ADR is already putting a bit of a damper on it, unfortunately. I truly hope she isn't a lot of trouble once you get to WDW.

[2Princes2Princesses]

To answer a lot of your questions, no, we did not know of this before she was invited. Also, I guess she won't eat anything that someone else has touched. I don't think my daughter knew this of this girl ahead of time because my daughter mentioned about going to the restaurants and this is when her friend told her of her situation! This was after she had already booked her plane ticket! :confused3 I believe that this girl plans on eating in the timeshare by making her own food (things that other people have touched)!

I imagine it irritates the heck out of you. Even with the insight I have from my own issues, it would irritate me too. This girl is an adult, or close to it. She MUST have realized that on a vacation, restaurants could come into play. She really should have let you guys know up front before she spent any $$ or even accepted the invite.

I am sure it may be somewhat embarassing for her to share her issues, but if she needs special accommodations, she must be willing to explain and ask for them. I would sit down with her or ask your daughter to, and find out exactly how she expects to eat and/or what her own parents/family would do in this situation. That will tell you a lot.

For me, my DH and kids would make restaurant reservations. If I could not bring myself to go, I would be free to go back and cook something for myself and come find them later. My family makes some accommodations, but only to a point. They don't miss out because of me, and I would never expect them to.

If her parents, however, always make sure to cook for her in the room and just did not ever go out to eat because she couldn't, then that is a different story.

If her experience is like mine, she knows you will have plans and will go through with them. If she does return to the room to make a sandwich or something, she will most likely not be overly hurt if she goes alone. I know I wouldn't.

If her parents are like the second example, then you may have problems. Because she will most likely expect at least your daughter to always go back to the room with her.

While I do empathize with her issues, I just cannot imagine accepting an invitation like that, knowing my limits, without first letting the host know exactly what was going on with me. :confused3

One more thing: Yes, other people have touched the villa stuff. Her fears may not make any sense to you. They may not make any sense to her. I cannot drink out of the same bottle as DH...the man I kiss. Not sure why that is. :confused3

Good luck.

[dvcdisney]

I can't imagine taking someone to a Disney vacation who will not eat out at the restaurants. How will she eat? :confused: I feel that the food/restaurants are part of the Disney experience.

I think this is a very difficult situation. And I'd hate to suggest you not take her. But if this is the situation, you will have difficulties there. And that's not much of a vacation. I think you should speak to her and explain to her that you would like to go on the dining plan, but you need to include everyone in the plan. And then see what she says. She is not a child (as you said, she is in college). She may have her own plan and that would make it a lot easier on you.

[Cruelladeville]

I don't think this young woman thought this out before she accepted DD's invitation. For example, what happens when you go to the park for the day? Is she planning to go back to your villa to cook her own lunch and dinner? And what about your DD? Is she going to have to escort this girl back to the room? You need to have your DD sit down with this girl NOW. You need to know what coping mechanisms she has, and if her parents rearrange their lives for her. And you need to decide what you expect--is your DD expected to eat meals with you or the friend? This will be a huge issue on your vacation. I know about this, because my DD invited a friend on our trip several years ago who had some real anger toward parent figures, and she just would not eat meals with us. My DD was pulled in two directions, and this pretty much ended their friendship.:headache: It was not a good vacation for any of us.:sad2:

[rsinj]

.

[paulh]

try phoneing disney and explain that you have someone with a medical condition,who can only eat there own food.Ask would she be able to eat with you at a resturant with her food and you order of the menu
Just a thought
Paulh

[Granny]

If it were me, I'd just get the DDE for this trip, make the reservations for the restaurants you & your DH want and ask your daughter to talk to her friend about meals.

If you won't have a car, the friend is going to have to rely on things from the resort's general store, or pack some food in her luggage to take along. Your daughter is the one who will be obligated to spend the most time with her friend (who is her guest) and have to deal with the eating issues.

Perhaps your daughter will choose to go back to the room to eat with her friend if you all are out at meal times. (Counter service does offer to go - your daughter can do that and maybe the friend will be OK with pre-packaged items or whole fruit that she can wash herself, etc.). I think it is up to your daughter to explain how the meals will work and the friend to deal with it. You are just providing the lodging, right?

FWIW, I don't think it is really your place to suggest the friend get help. I think the friend knows she has a problem. Just be sure your daughter tells her friend what to expect - maybe the friend will elect to cancel.

Good luck!


This is pretty much word-for-word what I was going to say. Including that I agree it is off-base to suggest that she get help since the OP doesn't even know her.

And I agree that it is the daughter's responsibility to "make it work". That way the only concession the OP needs to make is to use DDE instead of DDP, and in the scheme of vacation plans I wouldn't think that would be a huge factor.

A couple of years ago we brought my daughters' friends and had some eating issues...though nothing as severe as this. We just went ahead and invited them to the restaurants with us and when they declined my daughters knew that they needed to stay with their friends.

It taught my daughters a little something about vacation planning too. ;)

[CarolAnnC]

Unfortunately, a lot of these eating disorders (or phobias) rear themselves during the college/young adult years. It is a time when many are under stress and the "freshman 10" talked about decades ago now becomes something much more serious such as anorexia or bulimia.

If she is living at school, her parents may not be aware of this at all. But it does not sound like you have a relationship with them where you could call and chat about it. I know I would want someone to let me know if one of my daughters were going through this and I was not aware...

Realistically, even looking at prepackaged food, it has been "touched" by someone at some point. How does food get into a box or package to begin with? It is going to be a matter of what she can deal with while traveling.

I would anticipate that if you were to cancel out on her, she would be crushed. I truly don't think this is something she can control and probably would have continued to keep secret had she not wanted so badly to go to WDW with you all.

My DD's have not suffered with this, but I know of countless stories of friends of theirs who have. Food is the one thing that people feel in control of sometimes in their lives. My heart goes out to this girl and I hope she is able to come to a resolution for meals for the trip. Best wishes to you all...

[all4fun]

DDE definitely seems to be the way to go then. A lot cheaper than paying for an extra DDP!

Without getting off topic, this might be one way to look at it, but you have to tip something anyways.....so its still a discount. Now if you usually stiff them on their tip, then your right, no savings! j/k :lmao:

My point was that unless the savings on the tip was substantial, it may not be worth the cost of DDE unless your savings on this was a worthwhile amount over the $85 cost.

Try thinking before you insult someone next time.

[snowbunny]

Unfortunately, a lot of these eating disorders (or phobias) rear themselves during the college/young adult years. It is a time when many are under stress and the "freshman 10" talked about decades ago now becomes something much more serious such as anorexia or bulimia.

If she is living at school, her parents may not be aware of this at all. But it does not sound like you have a relationship with them where you could call and chat about it. I know I would want someone to let me know if one of my daughters were going through this and I was not aware...

Agree completely. The phobia - if that is what it is, we don't know, is most likely a cover for the much more common problem: an eating disorder.

Working around/accomodating an eating disorder enables dangerous, life-threatening behavior in a vulnerable young person. Wish I had better advice for you OP, you are trying to assess the situation never having met this adolescent. As others have said, a very clear discussion with your DD is in order.

[crisi]

Let's not diagnose a girl we have never met that we only have second hand information on over the internet, please. Whether she has a phobia, OCD, an eating disorder, a terrible allergy she isn't mentioning because she is embarrassed by, or is just plain old rude - it really doesn't change the situation for the OP. And if it is a phobia or OCD, it doesn't have to be logical - they seldom are - that's why its mental illness.

I agree with Carol and Granny. Make the DDE concession. Talk to your daughter and her friend and ask if they want you to make dinner reservations for two or four, and letting them know there isn't any reason it needs to be the same every night - telling her friend she is welcome to accompany you without eating. And let both girls figure out how they are going to deal with it. Allow your daughter to learn that she should have a better acquaintence with her friends before she extends the invitation to vacation with them. Apparently she invited a girl to vacation with you who she'd never been out for pizza or burgers and fries with.

[50 years Too!]

I also agree about not doing the DDP and trying DDE.
She has already been invited! I know I would be disappointed if I had planned to share the dining experience with my daughter and her friend and then found this out. Bummer.
But, she is invited, so you and hubby should go out and eat and let the girls eat in or ? Your daughter knew of her phobia when she invited her, so she probably is fine with not eating out.
My children (both college age) are inviting a friend each for December.
I'm really trying to gently persuade my son to invite the "eat anything in sight" friend as opposed to the other choice "picky eater".
Food and eating at Disney are really important to me.
Again, sorry for this snag in your vacation plans.

Deb

[flyerron]

There is entirely too much speculation about this friend of your daughter. She is a college student & is independant. Just let her do her own thing as she does in college. Back away from feeling responsible for her. Theproblem is hers not yours. Taht may sound tough but it is the healthiest way to go, probably for both of you. Your trip is to have fun. Just do your own thing & have a great time.

[Newcastle]

Let's not diagnose a girl we have never met that we only have second hand information on over the internet, please. Whether she has a phobia, OCD, an eating disorder, a terrible allergy she isn't mentioning because she is embarrassed by, or is just plain old rude - it really doesn't change the situation for the OP. And if it is a phobia or OCD, it doesn't have to be logical - they seldom are - that's why its mental illness...

As is usually the case Crisi, you have provided some sound advice. These disorders can be extremely debilitating and difficult for others to comprehend unless they have some knowledge/experience with respect to mental illnesses.

[Figment56]

Thank you all for some very good advice! We decided last minute to book a trip in March :cool1: for a few days! It will be just DH, DD and myself. We will be doing the dining plan and staying at AKV :banana: The trip in August at OKW, we will get the DDE card and wing it from there. I will be making ressies for ALL 7 nights we are there whether it be for 2, 3 or 4! Eating at the restaurants is also important to us and taking the advice of so many nice people, we will continue with our plans and let DD and friend work it out. I can't make any ressies until February, so I hope to get things straightened out by then! Hopefully I will remember and post what happens in the end! Thank you all again! :thumbsup2

[Figment56]

I spoke to this girls father the other day and he was very nice to speak with. I mentioned how many days she would need a ticket for, airport details, etc. I mentioned the restaurant part and he said she would be fine for the restaurants (a vegetarian)-my hopes were lifted! My daughter called a few days ago, after I spoke with dad and got this update-the girl was withdrawing from college this semester and checking into rehab for an eating disorder (my daughter thinks anorexia). I am glad this girl is finally getting the help she needs! I figured that she had decided not to go, but my daughter said that the day this girl went home, she brought money over to her so we could purchase her ticket. I guess she is still planning on going and now I don't know what to do! I guess we will have to wait and see how her rehab goes and proceed from there. I will keep you all posted on how things are going! I am very nervous having to deal with this kind of situation because if anything happens to her, I will feel responsible. I am first aid/cpr certified, which I originally did for my daughter, but now for my job as a Job Coach for Special Education students at our local High School. Even so, I don't know if I will be able to handle this situation, so this will be a first for me and my family. Those of you who suffer or know of someone who suffers from this illness will be able to understand and sympathize with this girl and I will have to have faith that I will be able to do the same!

[Chuck S]

I hope your DDs friends get the help she needs, and is able to enjoy the trip, too. Maybe the planning for the trip, and her wanting to go to WDW is what led her to seek help. Best of luck with everything. :grouphug:

[Figment56]

Thank you Chuck!

I will say a prayer for this girl and others suffering from hardships in their lives and be thankful for what we have as a family and for such kind and caring people on the Disboards!

[snowbunny]

It's great that she is getting the help she needs. While I agree with those who asked not to diagnose this student at long distance, to those who have knowledge of these problems the signs could not have been more clear from the very basic description given by the OP.

Anorexia is a scourge and I hope very much that this young person can emerge from this. And that everyone involved has a wonderful trip.