View Full Version : Old Jokes I saved!!!

03-01-2002, 03:51 AM
Cash Machines!!!
This made me laugh although we are the better drivers!

Please note that the HSBC Bank is installing new "Drive-thru" cashpoint machines, customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.To enable users to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up. Please read the procedure that applies to your own circumstances (i.e. MALE or FEMALE) and remember them for when you use the
machine for the first time.

1. Drive up to the cash machine
2. Wind down your car window
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt
6. Drive off

1. Drive up to cash machine
2. Reverse back the required amount to align car window to machine
3. Restart the stalled engine
4. Wind down the window
5. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
6. Turn the radio down
7. Attempt to insert card into machine
8. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car
9. Insert card
10. Reinsert card the right way up
11. Reenter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page
12. Enter PIN.
13. Press cancel and reenter correct PIN.
14. Enter amount of cash required
15. Check make up in rear view mirror
16. Retrieve cash and receipt
17. Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside
18. Place receipt in back of check book
19. Recheck make-up again
20. Drive forwards 2 meters
21. Reverse back to cash machine
22. Retrieve card
23. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off
25. Drive for 2 to 3 miles
26. Release handbrake


Wendy and Frederick

Dear Help Desk,
>Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and
>noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to
>the accounting modules, limiting access to flower and jewelry
>applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
>In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable
>programs, such as Romance 9.9 but installed undesirable programs
>such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0.
>Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and HouseCleaning 2.6 simply
>crashes the system.
>I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no
>Please help!
>Dear Desperate,
>Please keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment
>package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
>Try to enter the command: C:/I-THOUGHT-YOU-LOVED-ME and then
>install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the
>applications: Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0. But remember, overuse
>can cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, HappyHour
>7.0 or Beer 6.1.
>Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create "Snoring Loudly"
>WAV sound files. DO NOT install MotherInLaw 1.0 or reinstall
>another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications
>and will crash Husband 1.0.
>In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have
>limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
>Consider buying additional software to improve performance.
>I personally recommend HotFood 3.0 and Lingerie 5.3

Copyright belongs to those who posted first!!!!!!!!!