Did any of you planning a wedding/already married NOT get proposed to? [Archive] - The DIS Discussion Forums

Pezalicious

11-07-2007, 08:35 PM

Excuse the poor wording, but I was just wondering if the proposal was skipped for any of you. I think my boyfriend will eventually do it, but I'm not actually positive. We're trying to pick dates (I'm thinking 2 years from now), and all he'll say is 'the sooner the better.' We know we'll get married, so maybe he thinks a proposal is unnecessary. My almost-SIL is in the same boat as me. They're planning to get married, bought a house together, etc, but he never proposed, and knowing my brother, I kind of wonder if he ever will.

I'm in no rush for the proposal because I'm secure in the fact that we both genuinely want to get married and that we're working towards making that happen (plans, savings, etc). But a part of me can't help but wonder if it will never happen, and how (un)common that is.

I suppose I can always propose to him (and slip him my ring to put on MY finger! :rotfl: )

ohgosh

11-07-2007, 10:55 PM

I'm in the same boat as you. He claims he will propose eventually, but I am not entirely sure he grasps the entire timeline I have created in my mind :rolleyes1 Nor am I sure that it will ever happen because I fear I will get too antsy and start planning regardless of our engagement status and then he will no longer feel any need to propose. Oh the things I worry about...

Honestly, I can't wait for him to propose so that I can offically begin the planning stages. I feel a little awkward spending as much time on these boards as I do since I'm not even engaged yet. I want my own PJ, darnit!

turtle51

11-07-2007, 11:51 PM

Me and my bf have been together for 8 years. We now we are getting married in 2010 but he still has not officially proposed. We are going on our first cruise together next year and that is when we are buying my ring. I did tell him though that I will not take it if he does not officially propse. I have already been to my wedding site. i cant afford disneyland so i am going to have some disney touches.

MariaLovesJon<3

11-07-2007, 11:55 PM

I've been planning my wedding since I was 5 so...:rotfl:

Nice to know I'm not the only one! I've got my entire DFTW planned out so intricately in my head that, when I actually do get married, I won't have to decide on anything! lol

noochez

11-08-2007, 12:28 AM

We had started looking at options for weddings, we knew we wanted to get married either in Las Vegas or Disney. I kept looking at the Las Vegas options b/c I didn't want to get my hopes up for Disney. Then one day he approached the subject about a Disney Wedding. Next thing I knew we were setting a date and calling Disney, exactly 1 yr before our wedding date.

I had my e-ring about 1 1/2 months after. We are getting married in just under 5 months!

B2B-2008

11-08-2007, 03:49 AM

If being given my e-ring in a cinema car park before going to see a romantic film counts then yes I had a proposal :rotfl2:

But on a serious not we already had a date set and we got my e-ring made. So I had already seen the ring as I had to have it fitted. He had held onto the ring for a few weeks before the car park moment.

lurkyloo

11-08-2007, 04:15 AM

OhioGrumpyGirl

11-08-2007, 08:03 AM

I didn't get an offical proposal either!! We just started talking about getting married and the next thing I knew we were picking a date!!! I do have a ring (that he let me pick out:cool1: ), but he never got down on one knee and asked. Oh well, I still get the most important part of it all.........spending the rest of my life with my Prince Charming!!

KT&Scott

11-08-2007, 08:14 AM

Hi

I was in the same boat as you! We have been together for 7 years and in May we decided that we wanted to get married in 2010 in Disneyworld.

The family were all really excited and took over really, we didnt even realise that we werent engaged! Then a couple of months ago I began to worry that I wouldnt get the 'proposal experience.'

Out of the blue last weekend my boyfriend proposed to me! To be honest thinking about it I dont think I would have minded if he hadnt have proposed, I know that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, that was enough for me!

hope1826

11-08-2007, 08:50 AM

Yeah, I don't think it matters if you plan before a proposal. I was unofficially planning for 4 months before the proposal. 6 months after we met we set a date (we did not share it with anyone though) and we knew we wanted Disney. That was enough for me to start planning. And the fact that every once in a while he would ask if we could have fireworks on our day.

How long have you been together? I've found, within my circle of friends, that more often than not a longer courtship usually leads to kind of just falling into an engagement without an official proposal. It also seems to vary with age and financial stability. Of course there are exceptions. Has anyone else noticed this?

ksumn1

11-08-2007, 09:07 AM

My DH and I went through this. We had a baby in November 1998 and in early February were watching a report on how popular Valentines Day is for proposals. We had already made arrangements to get a house in June after his Graduation, and one of remarked that we really should talk about when we're getting married. (I think it was him) And I asked So you do want to get married? And he said Yes. So, technically I guess I propsed. So we set a date in December, and told our parents and Grandparents. The very next week, his Aunt was propsed to and his Grandmother called to ask if we'd picked dates, because her DD wanted to get married on the same day we'd already told them we'd picked!! And since we went to the same church, they'd already tried to book the church, but couldn't because it was reserved!! So they decided to get married the week after us, and were pulling out all the stops. Since we had a very limited budget, we decided to just change the date to August, because I didn't want people comparing our weddings, because ours was definately less grand than theirs. So, we married on August 27 instead.

But I do regret not getting a formal proposal. I've even told DH so, and hinted that it would be a great anniversary gift to finally get a proposal. He must not see the point, since we've been married 8 years and still no proposal.

BaBeeCee14

11-08-2007, 10:43 AM

I was in the same boat as you ladies, until just recently actually. DF and I have been together for 6 and a half years and we have been talking about getting married for the past year. I've been lurking on the boards and collecting ideas for my future DFTW. I always felt silly about planning my wedding when I wasn't even officially engaged yet. But now that I am finally engaged, I'm so glad I did all my research because I knew exactly what I wanted right away and was able to start booking everything. If I hadn't found this board, I would be totally lost. You can never be too prepared! :goodvibes Happy Planning!!

MistressOfAllEvil

11-08-2007, 10:51 AM

I say start planning as soon as you can, ring or no! We wanted a short engagement, which means I've been playing catch-up since the day he proposed. If I hadn't been lurking on these boards for the last year, I'd be in big trouble! :rotfl:

I waited to start planning until the official proposal (didn't want to spook or pressure DF), but man it was a long time coming. We were together for 10 and a half years before DF got down on one knee in front of cinderella's fountain... geesh...

I'm just glad to know I haven't waited the longest. I attended a girlfriend's wedding last year. Her and her husband had been together 14 years (since early high school) and had bought a house together.

I think it's more common that we sometimes think.

mla1977

11-08-2007, 12:12 PM

Pez,

I've told you before, nothing official yet. No proposal, nor have we ever looked at rings. We have been together for 5 1/2 years and bought a house together 1.5 years ago. We each even have life insurance policies for each other, so I know that "us" is a certainty. I am planning on Wish Book, and occasionally calling DFTW with questions.

Here's my story as to why I've started the planning process (from Summer's thread):

"A little story from my life. My mom and step dad came down to visit me the last weekend in September, and then I went home (mostly to visit my best friend, but also to see mom again) the first weekend in October. Before I left, mom turned to me and said, "honey, don't get upset, but I need to tell you this" ...umm okay... "you need to lose weight" ... yes mom, I know... "well you've got a surprise coming in 2008" Me: "huh?" "well, you need to lose weight" "what are you talking about?" "Savannah (goddaughter) knows what the surprise is too" I look at Savannah "If she knows, she hasn't said anything to me" Mom: "Do you want to know what the surprise is?" "NO!" "Well, don't tell DBF anything"

HMMMMM... Either he plans on taking me on a vacation that requires me to be thin and in a bikini, or something else is going on... Ugh! I still have 3 months to go and then I don't know what is going to happen in 2008."

I'm still hoping for a proposal, but yesterday he got some junk mail that looked like travel info for somewhere tropical. I had to resist looking at it, but I have a tendency to look at things I'm not supposed to look at and then question him about it (innocent questioning that may to some people appear to be fishing for details). If it is still in the pile later tonight, I may look at it anyways. I really hope that he isn't going to surprise me with a trip instead of proposing. And if he were to surprise with a trip I would hope it would be Disney or Ireland.

The people I have shared the story with all seem to come to the same conclusion as me. Except my college BFF who I think is trying to keep me from getting too excited. I suppose if I really can't handle it any more, I can get the info from Mom.

In the past couple days I have been wondering about doing and Escape wedding with ONLY friends, no family.

mla1977

11-08-2007, 12:13 PM

Whew! that was longer than I meant it to be!

Pezalicious

11-08-2007, 12:56 PM

I say start planning as soon as you can, ring or no! We wanted a short engagement, which means I've been playing catch-up since the day he proposed. If I hadn't been lurking on these boards for the last year, I'd be in big trouble! :rotfl:

Before I was gathering info, but now I'm definitely planning - and at his request! He wants me to start planning, and we're both pretty set on 2009, we just can't pick a date, or even a month yet! But because he's so eager to have me start planning, and because we're trying to pick a date, it makes me wonder if the proposal will just be skipped, because we already know.

Pez,

I've told you before, nothing official yet. No proposal, nor have we ever looked at rings. We have been together for 5 1/2 years and bought a house together 1.5 years ago. We each even have life insurance policies for each other, so I know that "us" is a certainty. I am planning on Wish Book, and occasionally calling DFTW with questions.

Here's my story as to why I've started the planning process (from Summer's thread):

"A little story from my life. My mom and step dad came down to visit me the last weekend in September, and then I went home (mostly to visit my best friend, but also to see mom again) the first weekend in October. Before I left, mom turned to me and said, "honey, don't get upset, but I need to tell you this" ...umm okay... "you need to lose weight" ... yes mom, I know... "well you've got a surprise coming in 2008" Me: "huh?" "well, you need to lose weight" "what are you talking about?" "Savannah (goddaughter) knows what the surprise is too" I look at Savannah "If she knows, she hasn't said anything to me" Mom: "Do you want to know what the surprise is?" "NO!" "Well, don't tell DBF anything"

HMMMMM... Either he plans on taking me on a vacation that requires me to be thin and in a bikini, or something else is going on... Ugh! I still have 3 months to go and then I don't know what is going to happen in 2008."

I'm still hoping for a proposal, but yesterday he got some junk mail that looked like travel info for somewhere tropical. I had to resist looking at it, but I have a tendency to look at things I'm not supposed to look at and then question him about it (innocent questioning that may to some people appear to be fishing for details). If it is still in the pile later tonight, I may look at it anyways. I really hope that he isn't going to surprise me with a trip instead of proposing. And if he were to surprise with a trip I would hope it would be Disney or Ireland.

The people I have shared the story with all seem to come to the same conclusion as me. Except my college BFF who I think is trying to keep me from getting too excited. I suppose if I really can't handle it any more, I can get the info from Mom.

In the past couple days I have been wondering about doing and Escape wedding with ONLY friends, no family.

mla - I can't wait for the conclusion of your story!! Maybe it's a vacation and a proposal all in one, to make it more romantic. :love:

PrincessBrideKatie

11-08-2007, 01:29 PM

DF and I have been discussing marriage since a month after dating... we just knew we were right for each other. So I mentioned his intentions to my parents and my Dad said that he wasnt putting any money down for a wedding til I had an e-ring. So I told DF this and kindof planned a disney trip that would give him the opportunity. Well, it worked, and I got the exact ring I wanted. DF designed it. Heart diamond, with upside down heart shaped sapphires on either side. So cute!

turtle51

11-09-2007, 02:01 AM

We have looked at rings. We decided that since we are going on a cruise it would be the perfect place. After reading all of your posts I do not feel so silly. About a month ago i went to the location that i would like my recpetion at. I can not afford a disney wedding so we will have an at home wedding. I have everything basically picked out. All that is needed is to get the ring and set the date.

We have been togther 8 years and I think that now we are finally ready to plan a wedding. I am 24 and I think i am ready to make this step in my life. I did tell him it would nice to be surprised but knowing my bf he will say here are you happy now you can start planning.

mla1977

11-09-2007, 11:37 AM

Pez -
Here's a little update. Last night is glanced a the travel brouchure again. It was definitely for some place beautiful and tropical and I fought every urge to say "Hey what's this?" I just left it in the mail pile. Later when we were getting the trash together, I saw him glance at it and throw it out. I guess it really was just junk mail. Oh well!

He isn't really a beach person (kind of funny since I love to ocean so much that I have 2 dolphin tattoos), so I would never even expect him to take me anywhere in the Caribbean. Maybe southeast Asia (he's Vietnamese), but never anywhere touristy.

I'll let you know if anything else happens. Christmas is coming soon and then my birthday (in 2008)!

Pezalicious

11-09-2007, 12:44 PM

I kind of like that he threw it away.. that makes it more of a surprise! Which, of course, is harder to deal with now (I wouldn't be able to let go of my excitement and curiosity), but might make it more fun in the long run. Maybe you'll find out on your birthday or on Valentine's Day.

Pezalicious

11-09-2007, 12:54 PM

Oops! I had multiple tabs open and replied to the wrong thread! :upsidedow

Bouncy bounce

11-09-2007, 01:00 PM

I think this is more common then alot of people think. From the first week of dating we knew we would get married. My DF didnt want to propose and announce anything to the family until after 1 year because he didnt want them to say it's crazy. We were a year on may 30th and he propose 8/8/07 and we are getting married 8/28/08.

We did plan before the proposal. My DF put a ring on layaway in Fed and in June I contacted disney.

SanFranciscan

11-10-2007, 12:52 AM

I have been married for 22 years. I am a pretty modern woman, but we do need courtship rituals that make things clear. Reading your posts makes that even more clear to me.

I did get a proposal, but it was after I decided to move on because I wasn't getting clear signals. I began to suspect that our engagement was just a means of getting gift money out of his friends, and I was not going to be pimped like that. When he asked what about us, I had the same question so I decided that until we decided upon an answer I was going to date other people. I stayed with him while we were homeless and he was drinking heavily (he's alcoholic) so I do understand loyalty. Would I have have made that kind of commitment to someone I wasn't married to? Oh, God, no. If he is keeping his options open ladies, you make sure you do the same. Don't be putting any deposits on catering halls in the meantime.

mla1977

11-11-2007, 12:23 PM

Don't worry about me at least. We've bought a house together, but I'm not scheduling anything until I have a ring.

A question for everyone. My college BFF and her mom are traditional superstitious New Englanders. I've told them about my plans to go with my HS BFF to try on dresses when she is here in a few weeks. I'm not planning on buying anything when I am there. I don't get to see my HS BFF often and this will be the first time she is visiting me here in over 3 years. I thought I would take advantage of it and go look since I don't know when she will be able to visit again.

Colleged BFF and her mom both think that doing that would jinx any potential proposal. HS BFF doesn't think it is a big deal.

What do you guys think?

Pezalicious

11-11-2007, 02:55 PM

Go for it! You know it's only a matter of time, so I don't see what it could jinx. I'm not superstitious at all, though.

dislovr

11-11-2007, 10:26 PM

I used to be the girl that was planning her wedding before engaged. Not anymore! I am now engaged (2 weeds now) and not planning. :rotfl:
I really wanted the wedding sooner than we could realistically have it and now that I am auctually engaged i've been slapped in the face with realism and must wait to have "the big day". So since we are about 3 years out (for many different reasons) I have sworn off any planning. However, that still dosn't mean I won't be visiting all of you on the these boards! I LOVE you guys! :grouphug:

PrincessBride07

11-12-2007, 11:23 AM

SanFranciscan

11-12-2007, 12:29 PM

I guess the real question is the "formal" proposal important to you? I didn't have the traditional/formal getting down on one knee with a ring proposal. In fact no question was asked at all. For me it wasn't important to have all that. He and I were ready; that is all that mattered.

In a world of famine, war, etc. "formal" proposals may seem petty. The very existence of this thread says that there are a number of women who find this important. Someone here suggested that the woman ask the man. In theory that is fine too. However, I think we have more than just social expectations preventing that. Eggs just don't chase sperm.

While we went past the wedding pavilion on the monorail at WDW last month, my husband showed interest in it and said about an hour later than he wished that he could see the inside. We have been married 22 years so I think men get more interested in relationships and marriage when they realize they are aging because lately he has been talking much more about the time when he won't be here anymore.

FSUDisneyGirl

11-12-2007, 10:32 PM

Count me in as a non-engaged planner!

I read so many of the threads on this board, but my internet is so wonky that usually by the time I am done reading a thread, I'm disconnected and can't post a reply!:lmao:

That being said...I read everything and can't wait for my own Disney wedding! I already have DBF convinced. We've been dating since halfway through college, and are now out of school and in our first teaching jobs...living in apartments across the hall from eachother! :rotfl2: We both know the engagement is coming, and it's both of our faults that it hasn't happened yet! Mine because I told him i wanted to lose 50 lbs before he proposed (long story) and his because...with student loans, it's taking him a while to save the money! We both want the formal thing with a ring, and are willing to wait till we're a bit more steady. We had a couple friends get married right out of college, and are happy that we've waited.

We will be together 3 years this December, and I see a proposal less than a year away! At least that gives me a lot of time to plan...

Wow, that was long, LOL. :laughing: I'm just happy to see that I'm not the only pre-planner here! Thanks to all of the brides who post their wonderful planning journals and trip reports that give the rest of us something to really look forward to! :dance3:

AdventureGuru

11-18-2007, 08:10 PM

And I thought I was the only one out there...It is nice to be amongst all of you planners ...Lately there has been more talk about starting our life together wedding, kids, etc. I try not to get my hopes up...but that doesn't mean that I don't have a secret little notebook-hidden in my car with all of the particulars. (he know what the particulars are-I just don't want to see that I have taken notes!) He even knows what his grooms gift is going to be!

I'm hoping for 2010...and when I told him this I explained that "b/c in 2011 we will be married 1 year." He got a strange look on his face and asked if I could give him a little credit...he kind of walked away in a huff and then came back seconds later and said, "ok well maybe I don't deserve it." :rotfl:

Now it's just a waiting game. I try not to plan too much b/c I don't want to jinx it all. But here's to hoping!

WE<3MICKEY

11-19-2007, 08:05 PM

sajilunni

11-20-2007, 01:44 PM

I'm kind of unsure by what exactly a "proposal" means to most of you. Does it mean deciding that you two WILL get married, or does it mean getting an engagement ring? Those are two vastly different concepts. If your BF has shown no indication of wanting to actually get married, then I think planning the wedding is jumping the gun. If the decision has already been made, then planning a wedding without a ring is absolutely no big deal. The whole surprise proposal concept was marketing propaganda conceived by DeBeers Diamonds in the 1920's. Before that a sudden engagement ring was practically nonexistant.

As for me I met my husband when I was 25 and knew within 6 weeks that he was "The One and Only", although I had dated tons, he was my first real boyfriend, and he was well worth the wait. I told him that I thought "I love you" was a sentiment that has become practically useless because it is used so often between people and then taken back. I told him that I didn't want him to say "I love you." unless it means that he wants to marry me, will never love anyone else besides me, will only have children if they are with me, and if I break up with him, he will never marry anyone else and continue to pine for me (and no I hadn't read "Love in the Time of Cholera"-- I'm just intense, lol). That was a pretty tall order, so he waited for 3 months before he absolutely knew that those were demands that he WANTED to meet. So after he said it, we had to get our parents on board and figure out the logistics of the massive wedding THEY wanted (750 guests and 2 religious ceremonies!). The the church, temple, and hall were booked months before I got an engagement ring (and then only because my MIL insisted, I didn't want one).

Although I knew it was True Love for me before he did, I would not have started planning the wedding without an absolutely clear indication from him that I wasn't being delusional. As a lawyer I know how few legal protections there are for committed-but-unmarried couples. I would never let myself get into that vulnerable a position. For any of those girls who are living with their BF's but unsure if it will lead to marriage, I would recommend looking into your state's code regarding property and contractual divisions, because quite often, it's the unmarried female that is left in a lurch without the protection that marriage can legally provide.

Jil

mla1977

11-20-2007, 02:27 PM

Thank you for you sentiments Jil. I can tell you that I for one know where I stand with DBF. Marriage may or may not be in our future, but I know that we will be together. Unlike with relationships I've had in the past, I have never been afraid of making long-term plans with him. With past relationships, I hated making plans more than two weeks out because things were always so uncertain that I didn't know if we would be together.

I too am a lawyer and I know all of the legal aspects of non-married, living together couples. I have advised DBF of what he needs to do in terms of a will for me and I am in the process of re-writing my will so that he is covered. Before we ever bought our house together, I advised him on a will because neither of us wanted to see his brother lose out on everything since his mom is so irresponsible and unstable.

I also know that I am not booking anything or paying for anything until we say "yes we are getting married on X day".

Why don't you just let some of us live the fantasy while we can? Once the question is asked and the wedding is done we will no longer be able to dream about what if, and can only dream about what was.

Oh yes, and I'm sorry that your family was so controlling that you needed to have 750 people at your wedding. The only good thing about that many people would be the gifts.

jasonandlisa

11-21-2007, 12:16 PM

Another "no proposal" here. We just "decided" to get married, after we'd only been dating for about 5 months. Our wedding was less than a year later (this past September.) We picked out my engagement ring within a couple months of the non-proposal.

cseca

11-21-2007, 12:41 PM

Whew! i feel better! I thought I was the only one making plans before a proposal....its just that I cannot wait.... We have been together so long... almost 10 years, but we were both very young when we got together, so we both wanted to wait till we were more stable in life. Well... we just bought and moved into our dream house, so we are pretty much settled and we are leaving for WDW on Sat!!!! Can't wait.... and I really am hoping that he will propose there, but what happens if he doesn't? :confused3 I am so nervous...I have been dreaming of being proposed to in Disney since we started planning this years trip... and I know no matter how wonderful the trip is, I am going to be super disappointed if he doesnt propose. How can I get over this and just enjoy the trip? I want to talk to him about it, but if he does have anything planned, i dont want to ruin it.....

Hi there,
I just want to lend you my story... I was on the same boat as you on the proposal story. I wanted it so badly to be proposed at WDW/DCL but my dbf (now df) has a very limited amt of romantic bones in his body (but he loves me so I'll forgive him on that... ;) )... so we talked about getting engaged and I hinted on that.
But as life has it... his logical side won and he ended up proposing to me right after I came out of the shower, hair dripping wet while we were trying to get ready to go to WDW/DCL trip... :rotfl:
The ring was wrapped up in a pretty blue box and he didn't want the security people at the airport to open it and since it's not insured yet he definitely didn't want to put it in the luggage.
Well of course I said yes BUT...... I made him promise that he has to ask me again during our trip... :rotfl2:

And the second time around he did great.
After wishes fireworks last saturday we walked through the path on the right side of the castle and stopped at Cinderella's wishing well (which is weird because this is the first time I've ever seen this place... and I've been to WDW over 20 times)... It was perfect... MK was so packed with people but nobody was in that area. It was almost we had MK all by ourselves... so he asked me under the prettiest night sky with the castle lit up in front of us... it was perfect.

Sooo.... I guess what I'm saying is if he didn't ask you at WDW the first time, ask him to ask you again when you're at WDW... it will still be magical... trust me... :hug:

WE<3MICKEY

11-21-2007, 05:16 PM

helloirishkitty

11-23-2007, 09:12 PM

aww, i like your story... congratulations! Thats exactly what I want- to be near the castle, somewhere kind of quiet, with the fireworks.... I'll keep dreaming... in a week and a half, the suspense as to whether hes gonna do it or not will be over ;)

Aw I hope your dream comes true!

Add me to the list of "planning before the engagement". We both knew we'd be with each other in the end, so I did a little (ok A LOT) of research. We didn't set a date until there was a ring on my finger, and now that there is, I think I'm getting annoying with all my wedding talk :rotfl:

Ember

11-23-2007, 10:44 PM

A formal proposal is only important if it's important to you. The sentiment behind getting married is what counts. However, if it is important to you (and there is NOTHING wrong with that) then you need to talk about it. Some people don't need to pomp and ceremony of getting engaged, others want it. I don't think there's anything wrong with either way. Wanting a formal proposal doesn't make you greedy or selfish, anymore than wanting a Disney dream wedding makes you those things.

In our case it was him who wanted to "officially" propose. We had been together 8 years and he was sure he wanted to marry me. I wasn't ready earlier. When I finally said, "okay, I'd like to get married" we went shopping for my ring. I wanted to pick it out and he wanted me to have something I adored, so it worked out well. I would have been happy to just wear my ring and be engaged, but he wanted to go all out. So he held the ring for another two months and then proposed in a gazebo with candles, fairly lights, rose petals, and music. Looking back, I wouldn't have traded that moment for anything.

If deep down you're hoping for a proposal, he deserves to know. This is the person who loves you more than anything and him feeling a little silly is nothing if it makes you happy. I know very few men who would really mind if they knew it was desired and would be appreciated. :goodvibes