Are people really that unaware?

[pcparamedics01]

I find it hard to believe that people cannot pick up that there are issues with a child. Are they really that stupid? DS had a melt down in the grocery store today. He did not have his med's :scared1: because we ran out and we were waiting for his script to come in the mail today with baited breathe.

Well of course it was a scene at the grocery store. We were waiting in line and DS was pressing numbers on the pad while the customer was trying to cash out. Crying and very loud because he did not get a prize.Touching peoples personal belongings etc. etc.

Well the lady in front of me was giving him daggers and looking at the cashier and they were both giving each other looks of disgrace until finally I said, He is Autistic. They both looked at each other as if they were mortified and said we didn't know". Okay in all fairness, he does not look off in any way. But, do typical kids at the age of 9 going on 10 really act like this? I have never seen it unless they have issues. Some people have no common sense.:confused3

Sorry had to vent today!!!!

[KirstenB]

I'm sorry you had to deal with ignorant people! I read something on another thread, not sure if it was here, or an autism board, but the person was talking about living in an "autism and family members world". ONly people who understood firsthand what autism was like could be in the world. Cracked me up...and took my stress level down 100% just fantasizing about that world. :goodvibes

[mechurchlady]

Having hit the half century mark I have spent too much time watching kids. How is someone supposed to know your son is disabled. Too often parents with healthy kids will let their kids smash the bread at the market, climb on displays and furniture, take handfuls of pamplets and coupons, scream, hissy fit, and be down right a pain in the rump. Too often parents of healthy kids will turn their kids loose in a restaurant where the waitress nearly drops a tray of food because of the brats or the kids are bouncing on the seats and playing with their food.

I can look at a kid and sense that it is autistic but a lot of people just see another spoiled healthy brat turned loose on society instead of a disabled child. I may sound mean and am sorry if I am harsh but that is the way I see it. How is a person to know that a kid is disabled? It was rude of the ladies to be giving silent signals of frustration.

I am sorry that you had to go through what you did and hope things get better. Sending you hugs.:grouphug:

[AJKMOM]

I have an autistic son, and have seen many kids without any diagnosis acting much worse in public than he ever has. His elementary teacher often said the kids in the general school population were much worse behaved than him, especially at restaurants and stores. But, he has had melt-downs in stores when he doesn't get everything, or in restauarants when it takes too long to get his meal.:scared1:

There are a lot of people out there who know nothing about autism, maybe just what they saw in "Rain Man". So, yes, people are unaware. That doesn't make them stupid or uncaring. That may have been your time to educate them by saying "My son is autistic, and we having problems with his medication. I am sorry he invaded your space (also a big issue with my DS, btw.)and I hope to get our problems settled soon."

If I even think there will be a problem, like on a plane, or waiting for something, I will say something to those around us. Most are very understanding, and often talk about someone they know with a similar diagnosis. Just my thoughts. Good Luck.

[Piper]

I teach Pre-K in a public school and I am the teacher who gets the "inclusion" students. I can tell you that I would rather have my "special" kiddos than many "normal" ones.

Much of the time the behavior of the "normal" kids is worse than the "special" kids because their parents don't parent them. I am the one to teach them self-control, empathy, desire to do their best, manners, etc. We have had 10 weeks of school this year and there is a big difference in the behavior of my students. I truly love each student and expect them to be the best they can.

I have already had parent conferences this year and you wouldn't believe how many parents say things like "Tell Johnny he needs to go to bed when I tell him--he'll listen to you." One parent even told me that she almost had a wreck because her child said the thing he liked most about school was the rules! Sad.

[alizesmom]

That unaware? In a word, yes. How aware were you before your son was born? I, myself, am very aware of the logistics that concern my son's multiple conditions since I have entered that world. It's the human way. We all become egocentric related to our experiences. Could the ladies have been kinder? Yes, but it was obviously due to inexperience instead of lack of compassion. I hope that things go better for you and you continue to share your world with those of us who don't live in it. Karen

[mazz1]

i think sadly people jump to the first conclusion and see a naughty or poorly managed child:mad:

it's been over 11yrs now since my first child was diagnosed with autism and i've been in a similar situations with meltdowns in the supermarket :hug: it's not pleasant to feel you have to justify your sons behaviour and explain or apologise for him just being him :hug:

there are plenty of children and adults without disabilities who behave appalingly and have no excuse or reason to do so

i changed a while ago and i cannot pinpoint when but i've become harder and now think why the hell should i apologise for my child being different, she hurts no one and if other people don't like how she behaves then that's their problem and not mine

ask yourself do "normal" people apologise for being rude or being abusive to a cashier or do they explain they have had a bad day and the answer is rarely yes

i spent yrs teaching my children to say thank you when others hold open a door for them and yet everyday i see members of the older generation who should know better completely forget their manners when my children are holding open that door and waiting for a simple "thank you"

your son is a precious individal and if others cannot see that then that's their loss :hug: :hug: :hug:

[thunderbird1]

OP: :hug: I always try to give parents the benefit of the doubt when I see a child "acting up," and speak up when others say something critical. The same with people who aren't obviously disabled parking in handicapped parking spaces. You can never know what's behind what you see. Personally, I'd rather go through life assuming people are "good" but dealing with issues beyond their control than assume they're "bad parents" or perfectly healthy but faking a disability just to get good parking. It's a much nicer world that way.

That unaware? In a word, yes. How aware were you before your son was born? I, myself, am very aware of the logistics that concern my son's multiple conditions since I have entered that world. It's the human way. We all become egocentric related to our experiences. Could the ladies have been kinder? Yes, but it was obviously due to inexperience instead of lack of compassion. I hope that things go better for you and you continue to share your world with those of us who don't live in it. Karen

That's a brilliant statement! As my IL's have aged and developed more "issues," it's been interesting watching them become more egocentric, as you put it. My MIL has developed vision problems, and she was always complaining that restaurants make menus too busy, colorful and in such small print that people can't read them. I had to constantly remind her that people with normal vision can read them just fine. My FIL is even funnier. Whenever we's drive by a new housing development, he'd say he can't understand why they're building so many big, 2 and 3 story homes. They're never going to be able to sell them, he'd say, because elderly people don't need all that space and can't climb all those stairs. I had to frequently remind him that not everyone is 90 like he is, most people can climb stairs just fine, and that's why they're also building lots of 55+ housing communities (complete with smaller, 1 story homes). Our world is only as broad as our experiences.

[pcparamedics01]

After reading the posts, perhaps it is due to inexperience... Thanks...However when you see a child flapping his hands profusely, crying, speaking loudly, making no I contact with the people in line, having little regard to the person in line... etc etc. Perhaps a light bulb would go off.:confused3

It is hard enough to try to take control of the situation. It's even harder to deal with the situation and then have to explain his actions to others. Before I ever knew anything about ASD, I would never give out comments, ugly faces, gestures to others of disgust etc whether I knew if the child was a just spoiled etc or have issues. I just believe things are not always what they seem. More importantly, it is none of my business.

Today is a new day, yesterday was tough and needed to vent! Thanks for all!!

[pcparamedics01]

ii changed a while ago and i cannot pinpoint when but i've become harder and now think why the hell should i apologise for my child being different, she hurts no one and if other people don't like how she behaves then that's their problem and not mine

:

I think I am getting to that point too. Thank you for your sweet post!

[AJKMOM]

I think I am getting to that point too. Thank you for your sweet post!

Personally, I don't apologize unless there is a reason to, either. But I will say "my son has autism" if an incident occurs.

If you want to see more on this, there are threads on the Disney disAbilities board about people making commnets when families use the Guest Assistance Card, or the kids are behaning in line. I mentioned there that no one has ever said anyhting aobut my son at DisneyWorld, and I would certainly challenge anyone who did. someone posted that they were told "I wish I had one of those cards", and the reply was, "here is my autistic son, want him for the day?" No reply from the rude person, go figure!

[Maraena]

I find it hard to believe that people cannot pick up that there are issues with a child. Are they really that stupid? DS had a melt down in the grocery store today. He did not have his med's :scared1: because we ran out and we were waiting for his script to come in the mail today with baited breathe.

Well of course it was a scene at the grocery store. We were waiting in line and DS was pressing numbers on the pad while the customer was trying to cash out. Crying and very loud because he did not get a prize.Touching peoples personal belongings etc. etc.

Well the lady in front of me was giving him daggers and looking at the cashier and they were both giving each other looks of disgrace until finally I said, He is Autistic. They both looked at each other as if they were mortified and said we didn't know". Okay in all fairness, he does not look off in any way. But, do typical kids at the age of 9 going on 10 really act like this? I have never seen it unless they have issues. Some people have no common sense.:confused3

Sorry had to vent today!!!!

Amazingly, I have seen children who have no noticable disabilities behaving far worse. (Keep in mind that I have worked with individuals with disabilities on a personal basis for over 20 years of my life and on a professional basis for 10+. I typically have an 'eye' for disabilites - be they physically indicated or not.)

I'll have to echo what others have said here: most people are quite unaware of non-physical disabilities until it personally affects them. It always amazes me when folks expect to just be able to 'tell'. Heck, I miss quite a few in brief encounters.

I'm also not sure about the age of the individuals in line with you but I have found that older individuals are even less aware of disabilities. My mother, who is pushing towards her mid 60's, still doesn't really understand disabilities and certainly doesn't understand my desire to work with those individuals. She really only seems to understand the obvious disabilities (such as Down's Syndrome or wheelchair-bound) and typically wants to discount any others as bad parenting. I'm still working on her but I sincerely doubt that it's going to change. Her mindset is reflective of her generation and the tendencies of the time to institutionalize individuals with disabilities.

That being said, ignorance of disabilities is fairly persistent in our society. People see disabilities in television and movies and assume that surmises the entire spectrum of that disability. Once someone has a definition set in their head of what it looks like, it's often exceedingly hard to change that perspective.

[pcparamedics01]

Personally, I don't apologize unless there is a reason to, either. But I will say "my son has autism" if an incident occurs.

If you want to see more on this, there are threads on the Disney disAbilities board about people making commnets when families use the Guest Assistance Card, or the kids are behaning in line. I mentioned there that no one has ever said anyhting aobut my son at DisneyWorld, and I would certainly challenge anyone who did. someone posted that they were told "I wish I had one of those cards", and the reply was, "here is my autistic son, want him for the day?" No reply from the rude person, go figure!


Yes I think I remember that post. TG I did not get anything like that when we were there. That comment would of infuriated me, and there would be no control of what would of came out of my mouth! See again people opening up their mouths without knowing anything about the situation. I hate that!

[pcparamedics01]

That being said, ignorance of disabilities is fairly persistent in our society. People see disabilities in television and movies and assume that surmises the entire spectrum of that disability. Once someone has a definition set in their head of what it looks like, it's often exceedingly hard to change that perspective.

So true Maraena! Rain Man comes to mind with most people. I just shake my head!

[melomouse]

:grouphug: :grouphug: Hi - I just wanted to let you know I share your frustration with the world out there today.

I'm the mom of an Asperger's son (almost 16). I shared on one of your earlier threads about the woman going off on me in WDW because my DS sat on a rope.:eek:

Yes, there are so many who STILL look at him in public and think he's an obnoxious, out of control, poorly parented kid. I gave up being embarrassed years ago - but now DD is often uncomfortable with others doing the eye rolling in ignorance.

All I can tell you is that it's much easier for me today ( as a single mom, no less) than it was years ago. Sometimes I truly believe autism can be a gift. DS is definitely different - but he sometimes blows me away with all the progress he's made and the things he says.

Prayers & Hugs:grouphug:

[6TimeMomma]

Okay, I certainly don't mean to offend, I readily admit that I don't know much about autism. I am not real clear from your post---when he acted this way in the store, were you trying to correct him or just "letting him go". Because if you were just letting him go at it rather than trying to correct him, that would get disapproving looks from me, even if he DID have a disability.

Even with a disability, shouldn't you be trying to teach him correct social behavior? Again, I seriously don't intend to offend. I just know that with my own son (Down Syndrome), we are always insistant that he act appropriate or there are consequences. Does it not work that way with autism?

[pcparamedics01]

:grouphug: :grouphug: Hi - I just wanted to let you know I share your frustration with the world out there today.

I'm the mom of an Asperger's son (almost 16). I shared on one of your earlier threads about the woman going off on me in WDW because my DS sat on a rope.:eek:

Yes, there are so many who STILL look at him in public and think he's an obnoxious, out of control, poorly parented kid. I gave up being embarrassed years ago - but now DD is often uncomfortable with others doing the eye rolling in ignorance.

All I can tell you is that it's much easier for me today ( as a single mom, no less) than it was years ago. Sometimes I truly believe autism can be a gift. DS is definitely different - but he sometimes blows me away with all the progress he's made and the things he says.

Prayers & Hugs:grouphug:


Oh yes I remember that. That was aweful! Thanks for the reassurance. Yes it does get easier as they get older. He always amazes us and makes us laugh hysterically with things he says! He has a great personality!!!:laughing:

[pcparamedics01]

Okay, I certainly don't mean to offend, I readily admit that I don't know much about autism. I am not real clear from your post---when he acted this way in the store, were you trying to correct him or just "letting him go". Because if you were just letting him go at it rather than trying to correct him, that would get disapproving looks from me, even if he DID have a disability.

Even with a disability, shouldn't you be trying to teach him correct social behavior? Again, I seriously don't intend to offend. I just know that with my own son (Down Syndrome), we are always insistant that he act appropriate or there are consequences. Does it not work that way with autism?

No I am not affended. Let me explain. When Autistic children have a melt down there is little or no reasoning!! You can only try to redirect or remove them from the situation. I tried to remove him from the situation as fast as I could. But, I could only do so much with him acting out and having my 4 year old to tend to. Redirecting him was not an option on this particular day. Soem days it works.

[merryweather20]

I would think the exact opposite of AJKMOM, always apologize but don't mention the Autism unless you wanted to. I would just think that its none of anyone's business unless you wanted to tell them. Several months ago I was in Wal-Mart and a little boy ~8, ran up and started pinching me, I was trapped because I didn't want to roll over his feet with my wheel-chair to get away either. I would have just rathered she said "sorry" rather than "he has autism". Obviously being pinched isn't the end of the world, but I'd rather not have had black and blue marks up and down my arm. I guess sorry would have just felt like a better acknowledgement that the pinching wasn't okay.

I'm not sure if the OP's situation warrants an apology,maybe if the pushpad was on the debit machine that the other customer was using, it would have been enough into the other person's privacy that it would have been reasonable to apologize.

[pcparamedics01]

I would think the exact opposite of AJKMOM, always apologize but don't mention the Autism unless you wanted to. I would just think that its none of anyone's business unless you wanted to tell them. Several months ago I was in Wal-Mart and a little boy ~8, ran up and started pinching me, I was trapped because I didn't want to roll over his feet with my wheel-chair to get away either. I would have just rathered she said "sorry" rather than "he has autism". Obviously being pinched isn't the end of the world, but I'd rather not have had black and blue marks up and down my arm. I guess sorry would have just felt like a better acknowledgement that the pinching wasn't okay.

I'm not sure if the OP's situation warrants an apology,maybe if the pushpad was on the debit machine that the other customer was using, it would have been enough into the other person's privacy that it would have been reasonable to apologize.


Well that certainly warranted a huge apology. I would of been mortified if my son did that!:scared1: Not all Autistics have behavioral issues that involve trying to hurt others. Mine is completely passive and would never hurt anyone unless they tried to hurt him. With the exception of his sister of course that terrorizes him. He pushes her, but that is it. As far as my incident. He did push the keypads while she was trying to cash out and I did apologize and even put him in the cart so I could assure he did not do it again. Then she started to proceed with her ugly gestures with the cashier. Thats when I said. "You know he is Autistic".

[mazz1]

Okay, I certainly don't mean to offend, I readily admit that I don't know much about autism. I am not real clear from your post---when he acted this way in the store, were you trying to correct him or just "letting him go". Because if you were just letting him go at it rather than trying to correct him, that would get disapproving looks from me, even if he DID have a disability.

Even with a disability, shouldn't you be trying to teach him correct social behavior? Again, I seriously don't intend to offend. I just know that with my own son (Down Syndrome), we are always insistant that he act appropriate or there are consequences. Does it not work that way with autism?

can i just reply to this without any offence intended

i don't think for one minute the OP was letting her child go, a meltdown isn't a temper tantrum or the child being naughty, it is literally a meltdown of functioning when the senses become overloaded and it is terrifying, physically painfull and highly distressing for the child, it's not something that can be switched off with a firm word to correct them, it can be diverted if you are lucky enough to know what triggers your child and are quick to respond

i have two children with autism and as a mum i've worked hard making sure my children have good manners and behave appropriately but there will always be times a meltdown cannot be avoided

i have been in some very stressfull and frightening situations when my "normal looking" autistic child meltdowns and she is in great distress with me feeling powerless to help her and i've received many filthy looks that scream "bad parent, teach her how to behave" and i've then got home and cried because of sheer frustration of not being able to help her and the looks from people judging us have made me sad

it is extremely difficult when the disability is not a physical one and we should all as parents of disabled children be supporting each other :)

[KPeveler]

someone posted that they were told "I wish I had one of those cards", and the reply was, "here is my autistic son, want him for the day?" No reply from the rude person, go figure!

I had someone say to me when i was using my wheelchair one day (i only need it every couple weeks on bad days) "wow, you really have it made" because my bf was pushing me at that point... i wanted to reply "well next time you rollover in bed, i want you to partially dislocate your hip and sprain your ankle." that is what my illness makes me deal with every day - but people only see what they want to, and only believe that which is convenient to them!

[6TimeMomma]

No offense taken. I wasn't sure how to phrase my question without offending. I'm glad noone took offense (yet). :goodvibes

As far as supporting other parents of children with disabilities, I agree we should support each other and I am sorry if it seemed like I wasn't. I just was thinking that if she was "letting" him be that way without attempting to help the situation, then that what might be what brought "rude" stares.

However, if that type of thing doesn't help in autism, then I now understand why. But, the ladies likely didn't.

But, that doesn't mean that they are ignorant of the fact that non-physical disabilities exist....just that they didn't know your son had one.

Goodness, if I attempted to fully educate myself on all the disabilities, physical and non-physuical that exist, I would never get a chance to be with my kids or my husband. ;) can i just reply to this without any offence intended

i don't think for one minute the OP was letting her child go, a meltdown isn't a temper tantrum or the child being naughty, it is literally a meltdown of functioning when the senses become overloaded and it is terrifying, physically painfull and highly distressing for the child, it's not something that can be switched off with a firm word to correct them, it can be diverted if you are lucky enough to know what triggers your child and are quick to respond

i have two children with autism and as a mum i've worked hard making sure my children have good manners and behave appropriately but there will always be times a meltdown cannot be avoided

i have been in some very stressfull and frightening situations when my "normal looking" autistic child meltdowns and she is in great distress with me feeling powerless to help her and i've received many filthy looks that scream "bad parent, teach her how to behave" and i've then got home and cried because of sheer frustration of not being able to help her and the looks from people judging us have made me sad

it is extremely difficult when the disability is not a physical one and we should all as parents of disabled children be supporting each other :)

[alizesmom]

can i just reply to this without any offence intended

i don't think for one minute the OP was letting her child go, a meltdown isn't a temper tantrum or the child being naughty, it is literally a meltdown of functioning when the senses become overloaded and it is terrifying, physically painfull and highly distressing for the child, it's not something that can be switched off with a firm word to correct them, it can be diverted if you are lucky enough to know what triggers your child and are quick to respond

i have two children with autism and as a mum i've worked hard making sure my children have good manners and behave appropriately but there will always be times a meltdown cannot be avoided

i have been in some very stressfull and frightening situations when my "normal looking" autistic child meltdowns and she is in great distress with me feeling powerless to help her and i've received many filthy looks that scream "bad parent, teach her how to behave" and i've then got home and cried because of sheer frustration of not being able to help her and the looks from people judging us have made me sad

it is extremely difficult when the disability is not a physical one and we should all as parents of disabled children be supporting each other :)

In some ways I as a parent of an obviously disabled child have it easier. No one will expect normal behaviour of Alize. He will never melt down in public. However, I don't think we can compare our situations because in other ways my path is as difficult as yours. Alize will never improve. He'll never say "Mom" much less "I love you". I'll be lifting him and changing his diaper forever. I'll live with the fear that he will die because of his trach or his hydrocephalus. I worry about skin breakdown, improper equipment, careless nurses. I respect you totally for being able to cope with meltdowns and behaviour that can endanger your child. I admit that I don't think I could do it but please, don't think my path is any better. Please, let's admit to differing concerns and then move on (as you said) to supporting each other. Karen

[AJKMOM]

I would think the exact opposite of AJKMOM, always apologize but don't mention the Autism unless you wanted to. I would just think that its none of anyone's business unless you wanted to tell them. Several months ago I was in Wal-Mart and a little boy ~8, ran up and started pinching me, I was trapped because I didn't want to roll over his feet with my wheel-chair to get away either. I would have just rathered she said "sorry" rather than "he has autism". Obviously being pinched isn't the end of the world, but I'd rather not have had black and blue marks up and down my arm. I guess sorry would have just felt like a better acknowledgement that the pinching wasn't okay.

I'm not sure if the OP's situation warrants an apology,maybe if the pushpad was on the debit machine that the other customer was using, it would have been enough into the other person's privacy that it would have been reasonable to apologize.


I have done my share of apologizing. :lmao: Once DS stopped at the table of an elderly couple eating at a Burger King, and took several of their french fries before I stopped him. I explain his behavior by saying he has autism, but I would not apologize because he is talking too loud, or saying things that don't make sense to anyone but him. I would certainly not let him close to anyone to injure them, but he has never been one to hurt people other than himself on occasion.

I look at these incidents as a way to educate people about autism. I wish I had a nickel for every one who asked me in the past 16 years if he had a certain "talent", like Dustin Hoffman in "Rain Man".

As far as meltdowns go, once an autistic indivual gets in that frame of mind, not much- certainly not a "shush" will change them. I liken it to being "possessed" by something we don't understand.

[merryweather20]

Well that certainly warranted a huge apology. I would of been mortified if my son did that!:scared1: Not all Autistics have behavioral issues that involve trying to hurt others. Mine is completely passive and would never hurt anyone unless they tried to hurt him. With the exception of his sister of course that terrorizes him. He pushes her, but that is it. As far as my incident. He did push the keypads while she was trying to cash out and I did apologize and even put him in the cart so I could assure he did not do it again. Then she started to proceed with her ugly gestures with the cashier. Thats when I said. "You know he is Autistic".

Oops I definitely know that not all autistic children are pinchers, I didn't mean to give you the impression I thought that :)

I've only known two, that I taught swimming, and they were both some of the best behaved children I ever taught.

[alizesmom]

Just read my last post. Sorry, I just can't express my feelings well and now I've gone and insulted those of you who are in a difficult and hurtful situation. It just upset me that someone could think that have a child with a visible disability may be easier. There I go again. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Karen

[mechurchlady]

Just read my last post. Sorry, I just can't express my feelings well and now I've gone and insulted those of you who are in a difficult and hurtful situation. It just upset me that someone could think that have a child with a visible disability may be easier. There I go again. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Karen

I read your post and it is a touching reminder that when life seems dark there are those in a deeper darkness. I am sitting with a chat room window open and it is my link to the outside world. We have a private adult chat, chat zone and two minor aged zones. I sit in chat zone listening to kids whine about cuts, bruises, and twisted ankles while I remember two children who are disabled whom I know of. Those kids do not know what it is like to be disabled.

you have my hugs and I think your post was a good reminder.:grouphug: :grouphug:

[WildGrits]

He did push the keypads while she was trying to cash out and I did apologize and even put him in the cart so I could assure he did not do it again. Then she started to proceed with her ugly gestures with the cashier. Thats when I said. "You know he is Autistic".


I have a daughter with HFA. Sometimes she does some things that are a little odd. Sometimes we get stares, but you know I never ever feel the need to justify her behavior.

Lots of times when we are in public, she veggies out. But I am assuming that half of the folks at the store are too, or else they wouldn't walk away from their cart and leave it right smack in the middle of the aisle. Or Oh God, I could go on...........

If OPers son was in someone elses personal space, I think it is only polite to remove him and plainly say "excuse me", or "I'm sorry", which she did. Telling the other customer he had Autism is a moot point. If after an apology is offered and she decides to get her feathers ruffled, that is her problem.

[mazz1]

Just read my last post. Sorry, I just can't express my feelings well and now I've gone and insulted those of you who are in a difficult and hurtful situation. It just upset me that someone could think that have a child with a visible disability may be easier. There I go again. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Karen


hey you haven't insulted anyone karen and i certainly don't think your path is any better or easier, and i sincerely and genuinely apologise if i gave that impression :hug:

i have many friends whose children are so disabled it amazes how they cope and reminds me to count my blessings that mine are physically healthy enough to run around

we each have our own set of problems and difficulties to overcome on a daily basis and we all need each others support and understanding at times just to get us through the day :hug:

[pcparamedics01]

If OPers son was in someone elses personal space, I think it is only polite to remove him and plainly say "excuse me", or "I'm sorry", which she did. Telling the other customer he had Autism is a moot point. If after an apology is offered and she decides to get her feathers ruffled, that is her problem.


Well I guess I feel the need to say it sometimes, because I sent many years denying he is ASD. That was harder to try to cover up his actions then to come to grips with it and finally say "My son is Autistic". Almost as to say so back off and don't judge me. Sometimes it is just easier to say it. Other times it isn't... Thanks for your help!

[pcparamedics01]

Just read my last post. Sorry, I just can't express my feelings well and now I've gone and insulted those of you who are in a difficult and hurtful situation. It just upset me that someone could think that have a child with a visible disability may be easier. There I go again. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Karen


No offense here Karen.. We all have our own issues some similiar, different, severe and mild. But we have one thing in common in that our child or children have a disability or disabilities. Take care!:grouphug:

[Magpie]

Just want to say that sometimes it helps to remember the kind people, when you run into the stupid or rude ones.

My 9yo son has medical issues that can send him into spectacular meltdowns, and unfortunately he wasn't correctly diagnosed until last summer. Yeah, he frequently embarrassed me in public, and it was especially hard back when he was small because we didn't know why he was acting this way. But I treasure moments such as when I was sitting out in a hallway, hanging onto my wailing, thrashing six year old, and a mother came up to me and said, "You're doing a terrific job!" I wanted to hug her! Except, of course, my arms were full of my son. ;)

So when I see someone struggling with a child, I make sure to pass on a kind word and a sympathetic smile. And when my son was falling apart, and people were frowning, I just reminded myself that there *are* people out there who understand. Even if they don't understand *why* my child is acting this way (and believe me, it's not something I can easily explain - or would want to, considering my son is there and hearing everything I say), they know that I'm doing my best, and so is he.

I think my son is an incredibly brave kid, and I'm lucky to know him. When he shines, he's amazing. I never would have thought the kindergartener who lay screaming on the floor and banging his head until it was bruised and scabbed, would become the same boy his teacher told me is, "Incredibly mature, and very serious about his work." He's not cured - that doesn't happen! - but he's learning to live with his condition, and I think he's stronger for it.

Just hang onto your memories of the smart, kind people you've met and let the rest of it go. Mean people - they don't matter.

[Snoopymom]

Just want to say that sometimes it helps to remember the kind people, when you run into the stupid or rude ones.

My 9yo son has medical issues that can send him into spectacular meltdowns, and unfortunately he wasn't correctly diagnosed until last summer. Yeah, he frequently embarrassed me in public, and it was especially hard back when he was small because we didn't know why he was acting this way. But I treasure moments such as when I was sitting out in a hallway, hanging onto my wailing, thrashing six year old, and a mother came up to me and said, "You're doing a terrific job!" I wanted to hug her! Except, of course, my arms were full of my son. ;)

So when I see someone struggling with a child, I make sure to pass on a kind word and a sympathetic smile. And when my son was falling apart, and people were frowning, I just reminded myself that there *are* people out there who understand. Even if they don't understand *why* my child is acting this way (and believe me, it's not something I can easily explain - or would want to, considering my son is there and hearing everything I say), they know that I'm doing my best, and so is he.

I think my son is an incredibly brave kid, and I'm lucky to know him. When he shines, he's amazing. I never would have thought the kindergartener who lay screaming on the floor and banging his head until it was bruised and scabbed, would become the same boy his teacher told me is, "Incredibly mature, and very serious about his work." He's not cured - that doesn't happen! - but he's learning to live with his condition, and I think he's stronger for it.

Just hang onto your memories of the smart, kind people you've met and let the rest of it go. Mean people - they don't matter.

Thank you so much! I needed to hear this today. You have made me feel hopeful...I am a good patient mom and maybe the world isn't such a bad place. :goodvibes

[bairdbeth]

As a 21 year Special Ed teacher, I too prefer to deal with my special needs kids than the regular ed population. Most of the time, my students are the best behaved in the school, That is because I try to work hard on behavior. They have enough other issues to contend with that I try to have behavior problems not be one of them. That being said I have had kids meltdown on fieldtrips and there is no reasoning with some of them. Removing and redirecting may work or they have to peak and com eback down. I think the problem with the general public is that so many typical kids have been spoiled and indulged to the point that below the age of 12 you can't determine if it is a child with special needs or just another spoiled brat showing out to get their way. So many parents do not follow through with behavior consequences that kids today know which buttons to push and how long to push them before they get what they want. It is a sad state. :sad2:

[pcparamedics01]

As a 21 year Special Ed teacher, I too prefer to deal with my special needs kids than the regular ed population. Most of the time, my students are the best behaved in the school, That is because I try to work hard on behavior. They have enough other issues to contend with that I try to have behavior problems not be one of them. That being said I have had kids meltdown on fieldtrips and there is no reasoning with some of them. Removing and redirecting may work or they have to peak and com eback down. I think the problem with the general public is that so many typical kids have been spoiled and indulged to the point that below the age of 12 you can't determine if it is a child with special needs or just another spoiled brat showing out to get their way. So many parents do not follow through with behavior consequences that kids today know which buttons to push and how long to push them before they get what they want. It is a sad state. :sad2:

Thanks for explaining "melt downs" from a Professional standpoint to those that did not quite understand... Thanks again Neighbor!

[pcparamedics01]

can i just reply to this without any offence intended

i don't think for one minute the OP was letting her child go, a meltdown isn't a temper tantrum or the child being naughty, it is literally a meltdown of functioning when the senses become overloaded and it is terrifying, physically painfull and highly distressing for the child, it's not something that can be switched off with a firm word to correct them, it can be diverted if you are lucky enough to know what triggers your child and are quick to respond

i have two children with autism and as a mum i've worked hard making sure my children have good manners and behave appropriately but there will always be times a meltdown cannot be avoided

i have been in some very stressfull and frightening situations when my "normal looking" autistic child meltdowns and she is in great distress with me feeling powerless to help her and i've received many filthy looks that scream "bad parent, teach her how to behave" and i've then got home and cried because of sheer frustration of not being able to help her and the looks from people judging us have made me sad

it is extremely difficult when the disability is not a physical one and we should all as parents of disabled children be supporting each other :)

Thanks Mazz for sharing my world! You said it in a nutshell!:goodvibes

[Conway733]

I am a caseworker and I work with children with disabilities and their families. One father informed me of business sized cards to give to people when people would rather stare (or glare in your case) than help. :sad2: I think the cards are a great way to teach people about autism. Here's a site that sells them, but you could probably make your own on a computer:

http://www.autismcards.com/