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View Full Version : Can't decide if I should go with my family or not, need opnions.


melsmom12
10-21-2007, 04:06 PM
Hi, I really hope you can give me your honest opinions about what to do, I'm really torn. This might get a little complicated, so please bear with me.

The background is this:
2 years ago, my mom and stepdad took my sister's family (her, her DH, DD who was 8, and DS who was 4) and my family (me, my DH, and my DD who was 9 months) on a one-week cruise on the Magic. We had a wonderful time, it was really amazing. A little "different" crusing with a baby, but not bad. We used Flounder's nursery a little bit, not too much.

Fast forward to a few months ago, my sister and her family decide that they are going to do the cruise the same week as our last cruise, but this year. My mom decides that she and stepdad will go, too, and help with the cost but not as much as 2 years ago. They then ask us if we will go as well. My DH is a teacher and feels very very strongly about taking off 6 days of work during the school year and absolutely refuses to do it. On top of which he just missed 5 days of school b/c he got the chicken pox and that really solidified his decision not to come with us. So it would just be me and DD, who is now 2.5 years old.

OK, here are my reservations about going. First of all, my DD is not potty trained and I don't think she will be in time for the cruise. Which means no swimming. When she was 9 months old, it wasn't a big deal to let her splash in the Mickey Ear, but she's going to be really upset that she can't swim in the pool the entire week, that just doesn't seem fair to her. She's also too young for any of the kids' programs besides Flounder's Reef, which is going to seem very baby-ish now and she's not going to want to go. The third issue I'm having is that my DH and I are trying to get pregnant and if we succeed in the next few months I am not going to feel very well on the ship and I don't know what I can take for nausea while pregnant. And the 4th issue I have is that my DH and I just really don't have the money to go right now, I mean, we are just very very broke.

My mom suggested that my MIL, who I love, come with us and stay in the stateroom with DD and me, I just don't know. My mom and sister and the other adults in our group would be wonderful about spending time with my DD and helping with her, but I just don't know if she's going to have any fun. She'll have fun at Castaway Cay, and maybe we can go to the beach in Grand Cayman, but what does she care about sightseeing or excursions?

OK, thanks for staying with me this far. My mom and sister will be so upset if I don't go, but I don't think that's enough of a reason to go. What would you do? Can you share your experiences cruising with a two year old? Would you go without your DH? Would you invite your MIL?

Ugh, this is keeping me up at night! I need to let my mom know for sure by the second week of November so I need to figure out what to do soon. If we were going to WDW, I wouldn't hesitate to go, but this is just more complicated.

Thanks for your advice, I really appreciate it.

FreeTime
10-21-2007, 04:12 PM
Since you are really, really broke are your parents willing to pay enough to help you out? (I am not trying to me nosy) Does your MIL get along with your parents? It seems like you believe that your child won't have a good time, that you are worried about being sick (hopefully :) ) and that your DH might possibly be sad being home alone. I know it is tough as I love to cruise (I love to go anywhere) but it seems like maybe now is not the time. If you do decide to go though I am sure you will have a great time. There will still be plenty of fun things to do woth a 2 year old.

I guess the good thing about not being able to sleep at night because of the decision is you might get pregnant as planned! :rolleyes1

CraftyMouse
10-21-2007, 04:15 PM
Honestly, it sounds like you have enough reasons not to go this time (finances, DD's age/toilet training, DH's work). It just seems like this is not the time to go. If I were in your shoes I'd pass, but make sure to tell my family that I'd definitely want to go the next time. If the next time never comes with them then you can always go with just your DH, DD and, possibly, the new baby.

mommasita
10-21-2007, 04:18 PM
My heart says go for it, but my head is shaking a giant no. If you are that broke, I personally would not cruise. I would not be able to relax, or justify the cost of going, even if a partial amount was covered....

You are asking opinions, so I voiced mine. I am not judging you in any means. Good luck with your decision, it does not sound easy.:hug:

RKB
10-21-2007, 04:19 PM
Hmmm it is a hard decision. I don't think you would have as much fun without your husband. Is there a reason why they picked a date that didn't really work for you? It seems that if they really wanted you to go they would have worked together on a date that was good for everyone. I think if I were you I would wait until a time when your husband can go with you. Knowing that everyone always goes back for more DCL cruises (one is just not enough!) you could ask your family that they coordinate the times better with you the next time they go and then you could all enjoy the cruise together. A plus to this is that your daughter would also be older and able to have more fun. If you do have another baby your husband would then be with you to help out with new little one while your daughter enjoyed the clubs. Or if family can't work it out - someday just go on a DCL cruise with your husband and kids. Many families go solo and have a great time. I think the main factor here is that your daughter is at an age that is hard to work with (not potty trained) so with that limiting her entertainment choices (pool and kid's clubs) I don't know if you would get your money's worth or enjoyment out of the trip... I hope this helps!

tinkerone
10-21-2007, 05:06 PM
and i'm going to take a different view. this may be the last time you get to spend a lot of alone time with your child. if you do have another child :cloud9: you will not be able to focus on your first born for that great one on one time, that bonding time, as much. going without daddy is not a bad thing. i have always made sure my children have time away with me, time away with dad and family times away. it just makes it so special for everyone.
assumming your not going to starve if you go on this trip, go. financies may be a problem for a looooong time. if you wait till you can afford it, especially with a second child, you may wait a while.
and with the pool. i have not taken a child so young so i am not sure but is there not a part of the mickey pool for children not trained. how long away is the trip? if you started now and said how happy mickey would be with her/him visit if she/he were potty trained would this help motovate her/him. can you make it a game?
talk with your doctor about sea sickness. again, no expert here, but i'm not sure a few ginger tablets would hurt you and he may have something to suggest for your everyday morning sicknes .:sick: that you can take with you.
all in all, these vacations are few and far between. sit down, list the problems and write the solutions beside them. you have about 3 weeks to do this. i bet you have them all solved with in a day.
enjoy!:grouphug:

yndygo
10-21-2007, 06:29 PM
Tough decision!!

My 2 cents? Tell your family you'd love to plan a cruise again with them some time when your DH can come as well... and that if they'd like to do that, to put a deposit down for a rebook while they are on board - so that you get the 10% discount for next time!
Then plan for a time your DH is not in school - by then, your DD will be old enough for there not to be an issue with her, and if you happen to have a new baby, s/he will still be young enough for Flounders :)

Vacations should be relaxing and fun, not stressful and difficult.

((((((((hug))))))))))
:hug:

cmacf1
10-21-2007, 07:44 PM
I can't offer an opinion on the cruising while potentially pregnant or on the money issue (other people have given good advice there!) I can, however, talk about taking a 2.5 year old non-potty-trained daughter on a cruise without my husband. While I truly love my husband, my daughter and I had the time of our lives!!!!!! My best friend who is single and childless wanted to take her elderly parents on a cruise and called me to ask if I would join them. I said I couldn't because of Elena and she said, "Bring her!" We got DH's blessing and went. It was such a special time for my daughter and me, just the two of us being together for that week. I have such great memories and while she doesn't remember it much (she's now 5,) she looks at the photos and 'remembers' specific moments (because we've talked about it alot over the past 2+ years.) Just seeing her wonder at all the things we saw was so precious. We did excursions that were pretty sedate like tours around the islands in open air buses. The buses were novelty enough to keep her happy. I did miss my DH, and I wish he had been there, but he couldn't go due to work.

I also can't respond to rooming with your MIL. My MIL and I get along wonderfully and I'd love to have her as a roommate, but not everybody would feel the same about their MIL!

Best of luck with the decision. I hope you are able to go.

cmacf1
10-21-2007, 07:51 PM
Somehow I didn't read tinkerone's response before I responded. I have to say that I totally agree with her suggestion that this might be the last time you'll really have in a concentrated way to be with your daughter before a new baby comes along. When we went on that cruise that I mentioned above, we were in the process of adopting a second child. This was the last time I really had sustained alone time with my older daughter and I think I treasure the memories more than she does! When we were going through the rough adjustment phase after one-year-old Nina joined us, I was so glad Elena and I had had that time together.

Babs417
10-21-2007, 10:29 PM
I think you put down alot of reasons not to go. Sometime the answer is in the writeing.:flower3:

JimV
10-22-2007, 05:59 AM
Just another comment...

I see a number of reasons to not go, and I am a firm believer in the value of 1:1 time with each of my four kids (did a ten day vacation with DS12 this past summer to Yellowstone).

First, you would put great financial stress on your family without your husband being able to participate -- that's two strikes right there -- how will he feel when the credit card bills come, especially if it is near the time that you have the expenses related to a second child in the near term.

While the value of time spent with your 2.5 yo is great, and it is great bonding time, kids that age will bond just as well at the local playground, zoo, park, playing house, reading stories at bedtime, etc. without the extravagance and expense. Your relationship with DH is #1 and I think your staying home is an investment in your relationship with him (hopefully sister and mom don't get mad over that).

My vote -- don't go. But feel free to ignore any of us -- you'll still be liked on the DIS:grouphug:

branv
10-22-2007, 06:19 AM
Just another comment...

I see a number of reasons to not go, and I am a firm believer in the value of 1:1 time with each of my four kids (did a ten day vacation with DS12 this past summer to Yellowstone).

First, you would put great financial stress on your family without your husband being able to participate -- that's two strikes right there -- how will he feel when the credit card bills come, especially if it is near the time that you have the expenses related to a second child in the near term.

While the value of time spent with your 2.5 yo is great, and it is great bonding time, kids that age will bond just as well at the local playground, zoo, park, playing house, reading stories at bedtime, etc. without the extravagance and expense. Your relationship with DH is #1 and I think your staying home is an investment in your relationship with him (hopefully DS and mom don't get mad over that).

My vote -- don't go. But feel free to ignore any of us -- you'll still be liked on the DIS:grouphug:

I could not agree more with everything said here. I know it's tough to not get to do what we want to, but just b/c you have to say "no" now doesn't mean that things won't align financially and logistically for you in the future. And this gives you excellent push to start putting money aside for the next trip, even if it's just starting a change jar.

lg3
10-22-2007, 09:53 PM
Honestly, it sounds like you have enough reasons not to go this time (finances, DD's age/toilet training, DH's work). It just seems like this is not the time to go. If I were in your shoes I'd pass, but make sure to tell my family that I'd definitely want to go the next time. If the next time never comes with them then you can always go with just your DH, DD and, possibly, the new baby.

ITA w/CraftyMouse's advice - Couldn't have said it better.
Good luck with whatever you decide! :hug:

SnowWhite2
10-22-2007, 10:09 PM
I would wait....if you think you might get pregnant and you have a tendency to get motion sickness or morning sickness, don't go.

I was sick at least twice out of every three days throughout my second pregnancy. It started a week after conception and I was still sick all the way throughout the delivery. Being on a ship would have made me miserable. I love the Magic and can't imagine not cruising on her, but this would make me stop and say NO. I would be crying every night while my family was on the trip - I didn't say it would be painless ;)

Only you know what is best.

birkner
10-22-2007, 10:49 PM
Speaking as a mother and a grandmother, I would be honest with my mother and tell her you just can't afford to go. She will either step up to the plate and offer to pay or she will understand your situation.

I think other posters have given excellent reasons to go for bonding etc. I have traveled with small children (both as a mother and grandmother) as young as 6 months with and without my husband so I don't think traveling without your DH is an issue but that is just me.

Financial concerns should be first and foremost. If you can't afford it, don't put yourself if debt to go to please your mother and your sister.

Just my thoughts....

melsmom12
10-22-2007, 11:09 PM
First of all, thank you all so much for your feedback. I love the amount of respect and insight you all have given me.

A few developments since the original post. My DH says that he really wants us to go on this cruise. He understands that it would be a great time for DD and I to be together. I've also been gathering information about different excursions that she might enjoy, like the Butterfly Farm in Grand Cayman and the Hemingway House in Key West.

And, the best new development is that my mom is going to cover almost all of our expenses. I still need to see what that entails, because I don't mess around with our money. We just replaced all of the windows and doors in our home, which is why we're so broke, and now we have to start paying ourselves back. So I need to sit down with my mom and see exactly how much I would need to contribute to this trip, and that will make our decision.

As for the morning sickness, well, we're not having a lot of luck with the TTC efforts right now, so I can't plan my life around when that's going to happen. I almost postponed my trip to WDW which I leave for in 3 days (!!!) b/c I was worried about morning sickness, and I'm not even pregnant yet.

PS. Please no flames for taking the WDW trip when I just reported that we are broke. This trip is costing me next to nothing and has been booked for over 6 months. But feel free to read my pre-trip report!

Again, thank you all so much for your posts, keep 'em coming!

cmacf1
10-22-2007, 11:19 PM
Melsmom-- I'm so happy to hear that things are potentially looking up! It really helps having a supportive DH behind you and financial help when it's needed. I really hope it all works out for you. As I said in my previous posts, I truly treasure the memories I have of my first daughter's cruise with just me shortly before we adopted a second child (I fully understand the TTC stuff!!!) I just wish now I could take a short cruise with the younger daughter so that she too could experience the magic her sister and I had, but I don't think that's going to happen.

I'll keep my fingers and toes crossed for you that you'll be able to join your family on that cruise! And best of luck TTC:goodvibes. I hope it happens soon!

JimV
10-23-2007, 12:31 AM
No flames from here :goodvibes

Just glad that when you got stuck, there was a way of escape that worked out well for everyone.