A Little Moral Support Pls - Thanks all for your msgs :)

[R.S.Winters]

Hi all.
I am just writing here to ask for a bit if advice and support really.
The last few weeks have been a tough time for my family. Both my nan and my brother have been ill in hospital. My mum and dad are practically cracking up with it all.
And today I finally decided to tell my mum I am gay.
Not the best timing in the world I know, but I have been under a lot of pressure too. I have had essays to do, have an exam coming up, as well as all the other family troubles, and I just felt i couldn't cope any longer, so I told her.
I figured ages ago she might have an idea, and when I did tell her she said she has thought for about 4 years that I might be gay. She said she wished I wasn't and that I would have to tell my dad myself tonight.
Both her and I agree that he might not take this kind of thing very well at all. So as I sit here now, I have some of my things packed ready to go in case he decides the worst.
To think that I am sitting here hours away from probably being disowned is heart breaking, but I can't go on living a secret life any more. They had to know, other wise I might have just lost my mind altogether. We are meant to be visiting my brother at the hospital tonight. God knows what could happen between now and then and if I'll get to see him or not.
Just thought I'd share my pain with you all.
It's not nice, but I've nothing left to say or do. No more cards to pull.


UPDATED:

I just wanted to say to you all thanks so much for such kind words. :grouphug:
Well a few days have gone by. Some of stuff is still packed in the corner, but mum and dad are getting there.
We had yet another family trauma over the weekend :sad: which dealt the family a massive blow, and on Saturday I thought that I would be gone from the house by the evening (I can't disclose what happened but it was not nice and now half my family - aunts, uncles etc- aren't talking to one another!). But, through everything we have all managed to live together. Mum has asked me about my feelings, but still doesn't understand them, and well, dad will need some time I guess.
Things are on the mend, and I hope that we can now all get on with our lives.

Thanks again for all your support.
I never expected so many responses! :grouphug:

UPDATE 2:

thanks again to everyone :grouphug:

family r getting sorted gradually.

i think it'll be ok from here on in... :) FINALLY lol

thanks so much to everyone. all your kind messages made me feel so much better and worth while. helped a great deal. i wasnt sure about posting here the other day, but now i'm glad i did :grouphug:

DAN.

[jharrowell]

I know exactly how you feel, i had the same thing with my father seven years ago.

Unfortunately it didn't go well for me and I haven't seen him in, well, funnily enough seven years, but throught all that pain I can still truly say that I feel better being me and talking to him than I'd feel not being me and never telling him.

I truly hope it goes well for you but if not, I feel you'll still be better off than you are now.

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[timben]

Think I have to start also with "I know how you feel". I told my mum when I was 20 and we decided to keep it a secret from my father as we feared the worst. (Not to mention that the first reaction of my mum was that she wanted me to send to a doctor!!!!).

Anyways it took her about half a year and she was fine with it, after all I was still her son.

Telling my Dad was a different thing. Two years later I already had a boyfriend and when he finally came out to his parents I decided my father also has to know. I sent my Mum to tell him, waiting for a really bad reaction in my room and guess what.

A few minute later he stood in the door of my room, just saying "You're my soon, I love you". That was it.

To come to an end - coming out to your parents may feel like hell and you may expect the worst, but this doesn't have to happen.

Whish you all the best, and no matter what for yourself it is the right and best decision. It's your life after all

[singingpixie]

I can't say that I've been there, but I can offer a :hug: and tell you that you're in my thoughts and prayers! I hope today goes better than you expect, but even if it doesn't, in the long run it's better that you live true to yourself!

[rosiep]

Dan :hug:

I'm so sorry you're hurting. When my DD told me she was gay..it wasn't really news to me and I imagine it's the same for your parents. I guess for some people the "don't tell" rule works..but not for me. I want to know who my children really are..not who they think I want them to be. I never cared that my daughter is gay..I only want her to be happy...
I'll keep you and all your family in my thoughts...
Let us know how things turn out...we're here for you!
Rosie

[TuckandStuiesMom]

Sounds like a very hard time. You and your family will be in my prayers. :hug:

[MousekaMaddi]

U are in our thoughts, be true to yourself, and be safe my friend.:hug: HUGS

[Kaler131]

Good luck Dan....and remember that your Dis family loves you! :grouphug:

[LukenDC]

Dan, you are in my thoughts and I am wishing you the very best. Hopefully love will win out over prejudice. Please keep us posted.

[SereneOne]

It is so horrible to have to face being disowned by your family, just to be true to yourself. I pray that your family accepts you and if not, I pray for you to have strength. Also, peace with the fact that you are being true to yourself and no longer living a lie. Major Hugs!

[ConcKahuna]

I hope everything goes well with you, and your family. I've been through similar, but the person I was uneasy about telling was my grandmother (the rest of the family knew). She ended up dying before I could ever let her know the real me :(

[verticalchaos]

You are definitely in my thoughts and prayers. I always feel bad when I read stories like this that my coming out was received so warmly and lovingly. Ultimately, you have to be true to who you are. If they can't see past an idea in their heads to know that you're the same person they've always known, eve moreso now, that's their loss. Sadly, it's yours also.

Love and hugs!!

[R.S.Winters]

thank you all so much for the kind words of support.
well, my mum has begun to come to terms with it and my dad hasnt really spoke to me about it yet - but he hasnt told me to leave like i thought he probably would. so its a start.
my aunt now knows too but she waas cool about it and offered her support :)

thanks all :)

D.

[timben]

Just give your parents a little time. After all the first step is done and did obviously not turn into a catastrophe. :yay:

Wish you all the best.

[hematite153]

Dan,

I just got back from wdw and saw this thread. I'm sorry you've had to worry so much about being yourself and I hope your parents grow to understand what a gift you've given them by sharing yourself and your life with them.

I'm hoping that since it's gone a little better than anticipated so far means that it will continue to proceed better than expected.

As you've already seen, there's lots of people here ready and willing to provide support and good energy when needed.

[Tony-NJ]

Dan - I'm sorry I'm late as usual around here, I think your Dad will be fine after a little time. I guess we always fear the worst.. I never told my Dad, but I was pretty young when he died. My Mother, I told the last time I saw her.

Your in my thoughts.

[RickinNYC]

You are absolutely in my thoughts and I'm sending prayers your way!

[Miss Jasmine]

I can't say I have been where you are now. But I can offer support. :hug: DH has a cousin who lives in Ireland, he came out to his family last year (we had all ready known as there were a couple of us he confided in before he told the rest of the family). He was soooo worried about his father's reaction, but it turned out OK. I hope and pray for the same for you.

[L107ANGEL]

Dan I just want to offer you some support and encouragement :hug:

[hiwaygal]

I'm getting here a little late to offer more support...but I'm glad to hear that your aunt is supportive and that your mom might come around. I'm sure your dad is shocked but I hope he comes around too.

You have a lot on your plate right now and it's bound to stress you out. Knowing that you have a place to come and vent and get support (even from anonymous internet friends;) ) hopefully gives you some comfort!

Keep your spirits up!

[sweet angel]

I also wanted to send some support your way. My BIL was gay and I'd guess the former inlaws had some issues dealing with it...mainly ex-FIL. He got over it. I know my exH had some issues with it, but he managed to get over it too. I think it helped that they lived 4 hours away.

I think it's harder for fathers to accept for some reason...like it makes their son less of a man which, frankly, is ignorant.

I'm sure if my son informed me that he was gay, I'd be sad...not because he was gay, but because I'd know what he'd have to face in life. I'd not be ashamed at all. I want him to be loved and happy and if it takes another man to do that, so be it.

As others have said, you have to be true to yourself.

[luvmydogs]

... So as I sit here now, I have some of my things packed ready to go in case he decides the worst.
To think that I am sitting here hours away from probably being disowned is heart breaking, but I can't go on living a secret life any more...

Dan,

As I sit here, myself, I read your words with both a heavy and an uplifted heart. Heavy--because as a mother of a son, I cannot fathom denying him my love or the love of another--regardless of orientation or gender. So many of us, although adults in age, still look to our parents for their unconditional love and acceptance, and it hurts us so deeply when it is not to be found. It is wrong. And with my deepest respect for your parents, I will say that they are wrong.

On the other hand, Dan, I couldn't possibly be happier that you've decided to live your life openly. As a straight woman, I can't imagine what it's like to day by day deny your true self because of the damning and degrading society in which we live. I am ashamed that so many of us view gay men and women as personae non-gratis, as the ones "with problems"--when in actuality, it is the other way around.

I will be thinking of you and your family, Dan, with all my best wishes for your dear brother. There are many people who may not be with you physically to show their support and care for you, and I am one of them.

Love is love.
Love is good.
Live your life openly and proudly, Dan.
You deserve this goodness. :hug: :hug: :hug:

[Agent Provocateur]

Hang in there, Dan. There is a lot of support out there, so lean on the people who understand... it will make the waiting easier while the people who don't understand come to terms with it. :hug:

[OrlandoMike]

As with the others, you are in my thoughts and prayers!:grouphug:

[R.S.Winters]

I just wanted to say to you all thanks so much for such kind words. :grouphug:
Well a few days has gone by. Some of stuff is still packed in the corner, but mum and dad are getting there.
We had yet another family trauma over the weekend :sad: which dealt the family a massive blow, and on Saturday I thought that I would be gone from the house by the evening. But, through everything we have all managed to live together. Mum has asked me about my feelings, but still doesn't understand them, and well, dad will need some time I guess.
Things are on the mend, and I hope that we can now all get on with our lives.

Thanks again for all your support.
I never expected so many responses! :grouphug:

Dan.

[Froggyswife]

I'm getting to this thread a little late. I haven't been where you are but I have a real life friend who has. She unfortunately had the worse reaction from her parents. She came out in the 80's and we live in a very small southern town in the US. She really had a hard time with her Dad. I just can't understand how any parent can turn away from their own child because of this. I'm so glad that so far everything is going pretty smoothly. I pray that it continues to go well. I have met some of the kindest people on these boards, so know that you are loved and respected here. Being true to yourself is hard to do and I salute your bravery and respect you greatly for it.

[Tiziminchac]

I think you did the right thing by being honest with your family. I trust everything will turn out right for you. After all, blood is thicker than water. I'll remember you in my prayers. :hug:

[DVC~OKW~96]

I've just returned. I am sending you every good wish for strength as you move through this chapter of your life. It's very difficult letting those you love know, true. But it is far more difficult to live a lie.

We are here for your support. Do not think you are "in this" alone. {{{hugs}}}

[Briarmom]

Just more hugs, prayers, and support.:hug:

[RickinNYC]

Dan, just wanted to jump back in and tell you once again you're in my thoughts. I'm so sorry you're going through something so difficult. We all do or will in some fashion so you're in good company. Also, take heart in the fact that many of the posters on this thread are heterosexual and they are in support of you as well. Situations like this take support from everyone.

Please continue to keep us posted.

As a sidenote, minds can definitely be changed. I come from a staunch conservative ,hardcore Republican career military Roman Catholic family of all men. (Poor Mom!) My own father and older brother, both far right thinking former career military officers, both accept me and my partner. In fact, they have taken Joe (my partner) into the family as they have the other inlaws. They didn't always feel this way but they have grown to recognize that they were in the wrong and that I'm their son/brother and Joe is a family member. Have faith and hope!

[ConcKahuna]

As a sidenote, minds can definitely be changed. I come from a staunch conservative ,hardcore Republican career military Roman Catholic family of all men. (Poor Mom!) My own father and older brother, both far right thinking former career military officers, both accept me and my partner. In fact, they have taken Joe (my partner) into the family as they have the other inlaws. They didn't always feel this way but they have grown to recognize that they were in the wrong and that I'm their son/brother and Joe is a family member. Have faith and hope!

Yeah, but Joe is practically a straight fratboy!

And Dan, I'm glad you're mother is doing well with it. It sounds like your father is just having to get it into his head, but that he's trying. Keep us posted!

[ashjohnson80]

Just wanted to stop by and offer support. :hug:

[kaw1218]

:grouphug: I've never been where you are, but I've had a few friends that have. I know it took courage to tell your family.

I'm glad to hear that you're aunt is behind you and that you're mom is coming around. :hug:

[Duckfan-in-Chicago]

Good luck. Maybe because the stress of the family members in the hospital, this made things a bit more tense but it had to be dealt with. It sounds like people are starting to come around.

Either way in my experiences I've met more people who were happier in life living their own lives rather than living to make their parents happy.

[L107ANGEL]

Good luck. Maybe because the stress of the family members in the hospital, this made things a bit more tense but it had to be dealt with. It sounds like people are starting to come around.

Either way in my experiences I've met more people who were happier in life living their own lives rather than living to make their parents happy.

I can't believe I have to say this, I agree with you :rolleyes: ;)

[Mysteria]

I have no great words of wisdom for you. Just wanted to say I'm glad it seems they are coming around a tiny bit and I hope they all come around eventually. :hug:

[sharlon]

Dan, A friend told me of your issues with your family. I just wanted to pop over and say how strong you are and toss some pixie dust your way. Although I can not relate to what you have been going through, I can say, as a mom, I would be proud to have you as my son. Keep strong and know many of us here are standing by you.

[trappednabox]

I can't believe I have to say this, I agree with you :rolleyes: ;)

:rotfl: me too!

I know it's hard on you right now, but you have to do what is right for you, I truely believe that means being true to yourself!:hug: Good Luck

[tevagirl]

I wish I could I could give you a big old hug and a pat on the back and tell you everything will be okay. Good thoughts and prayers are coming your way, Dan. :grouphug:

By the way, I also want to say, that I can only imagine how hard that must have been to tell your parents that you're gay. You should be very proud of yourself for taking that giant step. If it means anything at all to have a stranger be proud of you, know that you have quite a few right here.

[FroggyinArk]

and yet ag ain, i have seen what can happen, as dw said earlier its hard to see families torn apart, but i know in the end, wiht support and love you will be fine. best of luck to you dan.

[Tigger&Belle]

Dan, many :hug: to you. I hope that your family grows to totally accept you. Nobody should have to live a lie, especially regarding something as paramount as this.

[Saxton]

Dan, I just wanted to send my support and well wishes too. It sounds like your mom is coming around and I'm sure your dad will also, he just needs time to process it. I'll also keep your family in my prayers for all the health issues you're dealing with. Make sure you keep us all posted.

[paigevz]

Looks like you already have tons of support here Dan, but I'll add mine in anyway. It takes a good deal of courage to finally decide to live your truth when that isn't the "norm". It's extremely difficult, and made so much more so by not knowing who among your people will still be there when the dust settles. I am glad they seem to be sticking by you. I do hope they stick with you 100% and love you like parents should. I don't want to sound patronizing, but I am proud of you! :hug:

[debbiedoo]

Adding support and encouragement :hug: families sometimes do not accept things right away, but they usually will come around. I am happy for you coming forth and letting out your true self. It will all be ok :hug:

[Caropooh]

Dan, add me to your support group! :grouphug: I've never been where you are right now, but my sister is a lesbian. Our Dad passed away in 1999, I don't know if she ever came out to him and if so, what his reaction was. I know that she came out to my Mom and she still loves her the same. She has never come out to me, but I know anyway. We aren't close, but it doesn't change my feelings for her. She is still my sister and I love her. She is a very sad person and at 50 years old has never had a relationship with either sex.(that I'm aware of) I hope that some day she does find true happiness with someone. I hope you also do. I'm sure it was very hard to tell your parents, but I would also think a weight has been lifted from your shoulders. Just remember that for every person that turns their back on you, there will be another that welcomes you with open arms.

[disneynutt1225]

I've never been in your shoes, but I wanted to stop by and lend another shoulder of support. :grouphug:

[Aimee K]

:grouphug: Sending you and your family lots of love and light. It sounds like this has been a rough time for all of you in differrent ways, health, change, but I am so glad you were able to begin to live your truth :hug:

[snowwhitesmom]

Hang in there, hun, and consider yourself hugged!!!!

[tevagirl]

Hang in there, hun, and consider yourself hugged!!!!

Dan, trust me when I tell you even a gay guy would love a hug from this one! ;)

[Mickey Fliers]

You are very brave! Positive energy and hugs coming from me as well! :hug:

[Froggyswife]

Dan, trust me when I tell you even a gay guy would love a hug from this one! ;)

Yeah she gives big ol mama bear hugs. :woohoo:

[NewJersey]

Sending some support! :)

[Tigger&Belle]

Dan, trust me when I tell you even a gay guy would love a hug from this one! ;)
:thumbsup2


Yeah she gives big ol mama bear hugs. :woohoo:
That's not all... :woohoo:

Dan, I hope that things are going better each and every day. :)

[R.S.Winters]

thanks again to everyone :grouphug:

family r getting sorted gradually.

i think it'll be ok from here on in... :) FINALLY lol

thanks so much to everyone. all your kind messages made me feel so much better and worth while. helped a great deal. i wasnt sure about posting here the other day, but now i'm glad i did :grouphug:



DAN.

[SamIAm21]

Just wanted to stop by and let you know that I am thinking of you and hoping your days are getting better. RickinNYC mentioned on another thread that a DIS'er could use some support, so here I am.

I know how it is to crack under pressure, where you feel like you can't hide anymore. I've never had to break your particular news, but there's something about a crisis that seems to bring everything to a head.

There are a lot of people out there who admire your ability to be true to yourself. Many years from now, you'll look back and realize that that moment was a defining moment!

:grouphug:

[Parkhopper]

Please add my support to the long list of others! I will be saying a prayer that your family continue to accept and love you for who you are.

Suzi

[RickinNYC]

thanks again to everyone :grouphug:

family r getting sorted gradually.

i think it'll be ok from here on in... :) FINALLY lol

thanks so much to everyone. all your kind messages made me feel so much better and worth while. helped a great deal. i wasnt sure about posting here the other day, but now i'm glad i did :grouphug:

DAN.

We got your back dude. Post whenever you need an "ear". There are those of us that will pray for you and pray hard as all git out, just so that you find the wisdom to make the right choices and the strength of support when you need it. And the choice you made, the ONLY choice involved, to tell your folks was the right one. Good for you!

If I were in your neck of the woods, I'd buy you a pint. Not for courage, you clearly already have that. But for good fellowship.

[Crankyshank]

Dan,
I wanted to come over here and to let you know, even though we don't "know" each other, that what you did was an amazingly brave thing and I am proud of you. Be strong, keep your head held high, and be true to yourself. Know that you are loved and supported for who you are and not who you think you should be.
:hug:

[TinkerbellMama]

Way to go, Dan! It's always better to be shunned for who you are than embraced for living a lie. I know it's hard right now but in the end I think you'll see coming out was the right thing to do! Just think--now you can work on developing an honest, meaningful relationship with your family members...vs. spending the rest of your life hiding your true identity from them (and they probably would have known anyway, but the silence does drive a wedge between people). I have a cousin in his 60s who is gay and EVERYONE knows he's gay, but it's never been openly discussed in our family. Well, except by me and my parents/siblings. It's super creepy to me that no one acknowledges the fact that he's gay! And the entire family DOES love and support him...they just don't mention anything about him being gay, so I know for a fact that not coming out and talking about it creates its own problems aside from rejection. Good luck to you and hang in there! I'm sure your family will come around.:grouphug:

[debster812]

You have support and prayers, as many as you need. You have taken that INCREDIBLY difficult first step, to living your life as 'you'. In a day, a week, a month, and a year, it will get progressively easier.

I have a cousin who was inadvertandtly 'outed' by his partner's father's obituary. His 72 year old mother was shocked and hurt, but she is OK now.

[L107ANGEL]

thanks again to everyone :grouphug:

family r getting sorted gradually.

i think it'll be ok from here on in... :) FINALLY lol

thanks so much to everyone. all your kind messages made me feel so much better and worth while. helped a great deal. i wasnt sure about posting here the other day, but now i'm glad i did :grouphug:



DAN.
That brought tears to my eyes!! Of course you are worth while! :hug:

[OrlandoMike]

Of course you are worth while! :hug:

:thumbsup2

[L107ANGEL]

:thumbsup2

Back atcha babycakes :thumbsup2 So you all have a nice board here, mind if we hang around more often? I have been known to make people laugh if you ever need an Angel story ;)

[OrlandoMike]

Back atcha babycakes :thumbsup2 So you all have a nice board here, mind if we hang around more often? I have been known to make people laugh if you ever need an Angel story ;)

Everyone is welcome here! :yay:

[L107ANGEL]

Everyone is welcome here! :yay:

Just quoting ;) and I hope to get to know you all!:yay:

[R.S.Winters]

That brought tears to my eyes!! Of course you are worth while! :hug:

:grouphug:

TYVM :goodvibes

D.

[L107ANGEL]

How are things Dan? :hug:

[ConcKahuna]

Mom, Dad, HOB, Angel's stalking me!!!

I guess I should stop sending her dirty pictures!!

[L107ANGEL]

Mom, Dad, HOB, Angel's stalking me!!!

I guess I should stop sending her dirty pictures!!

:rotfl: :rotfl:

[hiwaygal]

Mom, Dad, HOB, Angel's stalking me!!!

I guess I should stop sending her dirty pictures!!

Just don't stop sending them to me!!!!

[Tigger&Belle]

When do I get dirty pictures? :3dglasses

[ConcKahuna]

When do I get dirty pictures? :3dglasses

Stop by the riddle some time, we always have some fun answers, even if they arent right!

[L107ANGEL]

Just don't stop sending them to me!!!!

When do I get dirty pictures? :3dglasses

Pervs :angel:

[Mysteria]

Stopped in to see how Dan was doing and look what I find. You bunch of pervs talking about dirty pictures. I would never have anyone send me stuff like that. :rolleyes1

[R.S.Winters]

lol my serious thread has turned into a place for chat about dirty pics...

anyway thanks all for everything you've said :) really made me feel better, and things r now on the up :)

so i think i'll be ok from here on in.

:grouphug:

Dan :wizard:

[ConcKahuna]

Glad things are looking up for you Dan. We may joke around, but we really do care :)

[hiwaygal]

lol my serious thread has turned into a place for chat about dirty pics...

anyway thanks all for everything you've said :) really made me feel better, and things r now on the up :)

so i think i'll be ok from here on in.

:grouphug:

Dan :wizard:


At least it gave you a laugh, right!;)

I hope things just keep getting better for you!