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chris4disney
09-10-2007, 01:25 PM
Need some advice here... our DS (4.5) just started preschool a couple weeks ago. He only goes two days a week (half day and all day), but he is having a really hard time with it. Basically up until now he has been "babysat" by me, DH, Grandma or a friend while DH and I are at work. We haven't ever needed official "daycare". Which has been great for us financially, but socially it has really affected DS's ability to adjust to preschool. His teachers tell me that he hardly talks and sobs off and on all day. :sad2: It makes me feel like this horrible mother because these women must wonder what is wrong with this kid. They keep telling me that some kids have a harder time than others and that it will just take time. But if they only saw DS away from school... it's like night and day! At home we can't get him to sit still or keep quiet :rotfl: He's so smart and can navigate around a computer better than a lot of adults! :lmao: I just wish there was something that I could do to make him more comfortable at school. Every time I drop him off I feel like crying in the car because I feel aweful that I've left him crying for me. :guilty: But the more he cries, the more it makes me realize that he definitely needs to be there and prepare for Kindergarden. Our plan was for him to start Kindergarden next fall, but if he doesn't get better about preschool... I don't see how they'll let him in Kindergarden. And I know that next fall is a year away and a lot can change. I just hate to see my baby having a hard time.

Any suggestions or comfortings words for a stressed mom? TIA

Stephres
09-10-2007, 01:31 PM
I have been so lucky, my children were ready to leave me at 2 to go to preschool. The only advice I can give you is to be consistent. The kids I noticed who had the most trouble were the ones with moms who lingered and were wishy washy about it and started to leave but would come back for "one more kiss" and things like that. Maybe have a goodbye routine like a bedtime routine where you do certain things with him and then he knows you are going to leave. A good book is "The Kissing Hand." Try reading it to him before you leave and then kiss his hand in the car and then take him in and leave.

I really wish you luck because I know it's hard to leave them when they're crying, but I think you are doing the right thing!

teresajoy
09-10-2007, 01:39 PM
Need some advice here... our DS (4.5) just started preschool a couple weeks ago. He only goes two days a week (half day and all day), but he is having a really hard time with it. Basically up until now he has been "babysat" by me, DH, Grandma or a friend while DH and I are at work. We haven't ever needed official "daycare". Which has been great for us financially, but socially it has really affected DS's ability to adjust to preschool. His teachers tell me that he hardly talks and sobs off and on all day. :sad2: It makes me feel like this horrible mother because these women must wonder what is wrong with this kid. They keep telling me that some kids have a harder time than others and that it will just take time. But if they only saw DS away from school... it's like night and day! At home we can't get him to sit still or keep quiet :rotfl: He's so smart and can navigate around a computer better than a lot of adults! :lmao: I just wish there was something that I could do to make him more comfortable at school. Every time I drop him off I feel like crying in the car because I feel aweful that I've left him crying for me. :guilty: But the more he cries, the more it makes me realize that he definitely needs to be there and prepare for Kindergarden. Our plan was for him to start Kindergarden next fall, but if he doesn't get better about preschool... I don't see how they'll let him in Kindergarden. And I know that next fall is a year away and a lot can change. I just hate to see my baby having a hard time.

Any suggestions or comfortings words for a stressed mom? TIA

Hi Steph! :wave:

I have a little different opinion and remember, that's all this is, my opinion. If you don't have to leave your son at preschool, I would really consider taking him out. I don't see any reason to do this to him if he is that miserable. I personally always hated school, and couldn't stand to be away from my mother. Even after 13 years of school, it didn't get better. Well, I didn't cry for my Mom every day after the first day or two of school, but I still missed her! My MIL made my husband go to preschool and he HATED it, he use to hide under a cupboard when it was time to go. And, he still talks about how much he disliked it at 47.

I would give it another week or two maybe, and if he isn't getting any better, seriously think about not sending him. Maybe you could find a playgroup so that he can socialize some.

I just read an article in Baby Talk magazine that said that studies show that preschool doesn't help children socially. I don't always believe studies, but it is something to think about.

Follow your gut, only you know what's really right for you little guy.:hug:

MSSANDRA
09-10-2007, 01:43 PM
Above poster is right.. Get a morning routine and stick with it. Mom walks him to the room (or follow the procedure), gives 5 kisses and goes. prolonging is tough on all. TRy to find out what is going to happen the next day he will be at school and focus on something he will really like. Are they going to paint or take a walk in the woods.

What i also wonder about is the number of days he attends. Two days is pretty unisural for 4's. Do all the other kids go two, or do they go more days?? Going less days than the other children, while is nice for mom and dad and the wallet, can be hard. They miss a lot of the bonding time between kids and might have trouble finding their place. Also, do a lot of the kids stay a full extended day??? That is also really hard for some kids. napping in a new place can be VERY tramatic for some kids. Could someone pick him up at lunch for a while to let him adjust better.

Last, as long as you did you homework and feel good about the school and teacher, hang in there. He will adjust and stopping now will just make next time harder!!!!

Elmo888
09-10-2007, 02:20 PM
I tend to agree with the if he doesn't have to go why send him if he is miserable theory. I felt like I would definitely force my DDs to go to preschool the year before kindergarten, but, after reading your problems, I'm not sure. (One DD went to preschool at 3 ands was quite happy. The other is only 2 and hasn't started preschool yet.) Preschool isn't required, and kindergarten repeats much of the curriculum (at least where I live).

Kindergarten will be different. He will be older, you can explain to him that he has to go ("it's the law", "the policeman says that kids have to go to school", etc.), and the consistency of going every day will be different than a few times a week. He will most likely adjust more quickly.

Can you find some boys that will be attending the same school and set up some playdates instead? You could start out by having them at your house so he could get comfortable with a few kids. You could even do this now with a few boys from the preschool and see if that helps him adjust.

Maybe stick with it for a month and reevaluate?

Good luck!

mom2aredhead
09-10-2007, 02:34 PM
I agree with PP's that said be consistent with the drop off routine. My son was in day care 2 days/week from when he was about 1 year old, and every time he moved up to a new classroom he cried the first couple weeks - I think because he was confused about the newness of it, but then he would be fine. I would do the same thing every day - folder in the bin, lunch in the refrig, 1 kiss on each cheek, a kiss on the hand for him to hang on to during the day, and I was out the door. He would cry, but I listened in the hallway out of sight of him and the teachers, and he would stop within a few minutes. I think a lot of it was a show for me.

Did I read correctly that he is there 2 days, but 1 is 1/2 and 1 is full? That alone is probably confusing - not knowing if he'll eat lunch and rest there or at home. Maybe a different schedule like 2 full days or 3 half days would be better.

He may be mirroring you're feelings too. From the minute you wake up that morning, you need to be very "rah-rah hooray today is a fun school day!" If he senses that you your dreading leaving him school, he'll not want to go. BUT if you are dropping him off for a very exciting new adventure with his new friends, he may feel differently, so talk it up a little to make it sound great! Hang up any work he does on the kitchen cabinets or somewhere in plain view so he feels like he accomplished something great while he was there. Also, we live a few blocks away from my sons school and we would wave and yell "hi school" or "see you tomorrow" each time we passed it in the car - kind of makes the building less intimidating.

Kids are resilient and he'll adjust. This is just my opinion, but I wouldn't pull him out just yet. If you made the decision to send him, and he'll be going to kindergarten next year anyway, pulling him out now because he's crying will teach him that if he crys next year he won't have to go to kindergarten. Then what??

chris4disney
09-10-2007, 02:38 PM
Thanks everyone! I do give a quick goodbye kiss and leave. I don't linger because the teachers have suggested the quick goodbye thing. I do try to talk about what fun things they are going to do at school the next day, but I don't try to push the topic too much because he just gets upset. Some kids do go all day, while others are only there part time. We decided on the day and a half schedule due to our own work schedules recently changing. If he's not at the school during this 1.5 days, we'll only have to find some other daycare for him. So removing him completely is not really an option. We could send him more days and just pay for it. If we'd do that, we'd probably just send him for extra actually preschool time, which is only 2 hours out of the morning.

I'm finding it interesting that he says he doesn't like to be there, and yet ever since he has started perschool he mimicks (sp?) certain things that they do there. Just for example, a lot of times at home now when he has to go to the bathroom he runs over to me with his hand up in the air. And I guess I'm supposed to say "Yes, you can go to the bathroom." ;)

Today in class they were learning how to write the letter B. He already knows how to write the letter B, but he was explaining to me how the teacher was teaching them to write it. (draw a line, then two "bumps") So anyways, he may not be saying much while he's there, but I can tell that he is soaking up what the teachers are teaching. He always comes home with a stack of papers that he has colored or painted. Today he was showing me some of his papers and on two of them he wrote "Mikey hearts Mommy" and "Mikey hearts Dad". Which just chokes me up because I know he was thinking about us at school. :hug:

I know he will get better and adjust at some point, I just hope for both our sakes that it's sooner rather than later. :rolleyes1

rgribik
09-10-2007, 02:41 PM
My first dd went without even looking back at me, but dd #2 clung to me like a starfish. We worked through it day after day, and soon she learned I would be there when she was done. If you take your child out now, all you will do is give them what they wanted(to stay home from school). I agree a quick goodby, "I love you, have a good time, I'll be there for you when you are done" is the best. They have to go to Kindergarten, and learning to obey rules, and belong to a class is going to happen sooner or later, so why not help them start with preschool?
Something that helped us was to have some one else take her to preschool, she still was weepy, but went into the class much easier with a friend of mine who also had a child in preschool. I also started to leave her at the door of the school, not walk her into her class(arranged with the teacher). I felt horrible every time I saw her cry, but I put on the "you can do it" face, and sent her in. When Kinder time came, she knew what school was and what she was supposed to do, had some friends, knew I was waiting for her ,so it wasn't as scary.

sunlover13
09-10-2007, 02:46 PM
My DD started preschool last year in the 4's, even though she was 3. She is tall for her age and they felt she was ready to start in 4's b/c she often visited when her cousin was there. Her cousin's MOM watches her during the day. Anyway, DD cried the first day when we dropped her off. She thought we were going to stay with her and watch her. She never cried again, but the teachers said she was really shy and quiet and intimidated by the other kids. This was a shock to me b/c she is very outgoing, talkative, and makes friends with other kids at the park, etc. Well, she ended up making a best friend in her class so she started to enjoy school a lot and couldn't wait to go each day. The other girls in her class all knew each other and were in a little bit of a clique. Even the teachers noticed it. So, I was happy she found someone to talk to, befriend, etc. Where am I going with all this? Maybe setting up a playdate with some of the other kids and/or parents where the kids can get to know each other more outside of the classroom. If he has friends there, he will probably enjoy & look forward to going to school more. I know that worked for my DD. Good luck!

mom2aredhead
09-10-2007, 02:46 PM
Something that helped us was to have some one else take her to preschool, she still was weepy, but went into the class much easier with a friend of mine who also had a child in preschool.

Good idea - Now that I think about it, there was far less drama when my husband dropped him off compared to when I did - and there was no drama at all on the few occasions he went with my neighbor.

cinjam
09-10-2007, 02:48 PM
Both of my children are/were like that (both boys 3.5 & 6.5). As PPs have said, just be consistant. My then 5YO had this problem in kindergarten last year as well, he got better then mid-year his teacher called me to say it started up again (never have been able to figure out why). In the past we've tried these various things:

1) We read the "Kissing Hand", which helps.
2) When needed, I give my 3.5YO a leather braided braclet that I usually wear for this very reason. He knows it's mine & that he has a "piece" of me in his cubby.
3) As suggested by my son's kindgergarten teacher: in his pocket we put small pictures of myself & DH that he can hold onto when he misses us

Hope you find something that works for you!

chris4disney
09-10-2007, 02:52 PM
Can you find some boys that will be attending the same school and set up some playdates instead? You could start out by having them at your house so he could get comfortable with a few kids. You could even do this now with a few boys from the preschool and see if that helps him adjust.



Right next door to us are twin boys who also go to his preschool. They aren't in DS's class, but he does see them when everyone is outside playing. The teachers have told me that he seems more at ease when he is with them on the playground. I only wish they were in class together too. But I didn't have a choice in the matter.

Before the first day of school, DS was so excited about going and was carrying around his back pack everywhere. He did great his first day, never cried and his teacher said he ran around playing and talking the whole time. (I wasn't sure she was talking about the right kid because I expected him to be shy.) He came home the first day and said he had so much fun, etc. Well, the morning of school day #2 was a complete different story. He didn't want to go again. In his mind, school was a one time thing. He had went the day before, had fun, but that was it. He wasn't going back, he wanted to be home. :confused3

jodifla
09-10-2007, 02:53 PM
Need some advice here... our DS (4.5) just started preschool a couple weeks ago. He only goes two days a week (half day and all day), but he is having a really hard time with it. Basically up until now he has been "babysat" by me, DH, Grandma or a friend while DH and I are at work. We haven't ever needed official "daycare". Which has been great for us financially, but socially it has really affected DS's ability to adjust to preschool. His teachers tell me that he hardly talks and sobs off and on all day. :sad2: It makes me feel like this horrible mother because these women must wonder what is wrong with this kid. They keep telling me that some kids have a harder time than others and that it will just take time. But if they only saw DS away from school... it's like night and day! At home we can't get him to sit still or keep quiet :rotfl: He's so smart and can navigate around a computer better than a lot of adults! :lmao: I just wish there was something that I could do to make him more comfortable at school. Every time I drop him off I feel like crying in the car because I feel aweful that I've left him crying for me. :guilty: But the more he cries, the more it makes me realize that he definitely needs to be there and prepare for Kindergarden. Our plan was for him to start Kindergarden next fall, but if he doesn't get better about preschool... I don't see how they'll let him in Kindergarden. And I know that next fall is a year away and a lot can change. I just hate to see my baby having a hard time.

Any suggestions or comfortings words for a stressed mom? TIA


My son was a lot younger when he started (20 months), and cried pretty much everyday for a year when I dropped him off. But in his case, it was only a show for my benefit. He stopped the second I walked out the door.

In your case, I think you just need to stick with it for a bit. I know that it's very hard to leave a crying child. Particularly if he's actually upset most of the day!

I think many, many parents go through this. But many of us just went through it when our kids were younger.

Good luck! It's nice he's picking up on so much of the class instruction already.

jodifla
09-10-2007, 03:01 PM
One thought: Does your preschool feed into the kindergarten he will go to? My son went to a public preschool (you had to pay for it though) and almost his whole preschool went on the kindergarten. It seems to have REALLY helped his comfort level.

And a PP mentioned age and maturity, and this is also very true. My DS went to the open house this year at 5.5, and he left me willingly to go back with the teachers, learned the song and even came back out and stood up in the front of the room and sang! This was a minor miracle, and nothing he would have done at 4.5.

chris4disney
09-10-2007, 03:17 PM
One thought: Does your preschool feed into the kindergarten he will go to? My son went to a public preschool (you had to pay for it though) and almost his whole preschool went on the kindergarten. It seems to have REALLY helped his comfort level.



Yes, one reason we picked this preschool is because when he goes to Kindergarten (half day) next fall, the school bus will drop him off at this preschool (if we needed them to for the afternoon). It is located in the center of our school district, so I'm going to assume that most of the kids in this preschool will go to the same kindergarten.

When our DS was about 18 months - 4 yrs he did go to a sitter while I was working. During that 2.5 yrs, his time there varied from 2-5 days a week, based on how many days I was working at the time. This was a woman who watched just a few kids in her home, so it was more like going to grandma's house than a daycare for him. He did cry when I left him there sometimes, but would typically stop the moment I left. So I think it was more for show to make me feel bad. But preschool is different. He's not the center of attention there. And there's a LOT more than just 2-3 other kids running around.

nessz79
09-10-2007, 03:35 PM
Yes, one reason we picked this preschool is because when he goes to Kindergarten (half day) next fall, the school bus will drop him off at this preschool (if we needed them to for the afternoon). It is located in the center of our school district, so I'm going to assume that most of the kids in this preschool will go to the same kindergarten.

When our DS was about 18 months - 4 yrs he did go to a sitter while I was working. During that 2.5 yrs, his time there varied from 2-5 days a week, based on how many days I was working at the time. This was a woman who watched just a few kids in her home, so it was more like going to grandma's house than a daycare for him. He did cry when I left him there sometimes, but would typically stop the moment I left. So I think it was more for show to make me feel bad. But preschool is different. He's not the center of attention there. And there's a LOT more than just 2-3 other kids running around.

It can be overwhelming I think with all the kids running around them. My DS 4.5 and DS 3 just started going to preschool this year. My 4.5 has no problem, but the 3 is crying every day. He didn't cry at all the first week. The teacher said kids often have a delayed reaction once they realize they come back every day!

I would talk with the teacher and see if they can help him make a friend. Just one friend seems to make so much difference because they are no longer an outsider. Maybe it's hard for him to make friends because he's only there 2 days a week? I would consider sending him a little more frequently so that it would become a solid routine.

I'm sorry...it is hard!

mom2aredhead
09-10-2007, 05:48 PM
...And my son had an afternoon "I want my mommy" meltdown at pre-school.

The same school he's been going to for about 2.5 years

Because today was the first "full" (extended hours) day for him since the end of August and he decided that he was going to cry in the room he's in for the afternoon session.

The very same room that about 10 of the other kids from his class are in along with him. Which by the way is the very same room he spent summer "camp" in.

With the same kids that have been in his class since he was a year old.

Go figure.

alikat99
09-10-2007, 07:49 PM
How long has he been going to school this year?

The reason that I ask is that sometimes it just takes some time. This year, I got a job at my girls' school in the preschool as a teachers assistant. We had a little boy in one of the classes that would just sob for almost the entire day for the first week. Then, the second week, the sobbing lasted for about 1/2 the day. The third week, his mom started dropping him off in our "car line" program where we brought him into the classroom, so he was leaving her, not her leaving him. Then, he only sobbed for the first 10 minutes. AND, today, he skipped into the classroom, as if to say that he is SO excited to start the day!

So, just give it time, and be consistent. Don't let him see that you might be stressed about his anxiety. And, I bet that in a short time, he'll be FINE!

Traveliz
09-10-2007, 08:11 PM
Thanks everyone!

I'm finding it interesting that he says he doesn't like to be there, and yet ever since he has started perschool he mimicks (sp?) certain things that they do there. Just for example, a lot of times at home now when he has to go to the bathroom he runs over to me with his hand up in the air. And I guess I'm supposed to say "Yes, you can go to the bathroom." ;)

Today in class they were learning how to write the letter B. He already knows how to write the letter B, but he was explaining to me how the teacher was teaching them to write it. (draw a line, then two "bumps") So anyways, he may not be saying much while he's there, but I can tell that he is soaking up what the teachers are teaching. He always comes home with a stack of papers that he has colored or painted. Today he was showing me some of his papers and on two of them he wrote "Mikey hearts Mommy" and "Mikey hearts Dad". Which just chokes me up because I know he was thinking about us at school. :hug:

I know he will get better and adjust at some point, I just hope for both our sakes that it's sooner rather than later. :rolleyes1

Actually it sounds to me like he is adjusting - sure he is going to tell you he doesn't like it when it might be ok - thinking about yourself - do you ever say - you don't like being at work? You think about him during day? Of course you do! He is just acting like a regular person does thinking they would rather be somewhere else even though they might be having a fine time!

Liz

nikmpayne
09-10-2007, 08:50 PM
I read your post and my heart went out to you. Last year was my daughters first year in preschool. She was soo excited to go, she had her backpack and she was smiling ear to ear for pictures. She found her cubby with her name on it and put her backpack away, into class we went and she was in awe of all the toys and books. I gave her kisses and I left, feeling amazed, could it be this easy. She has only been with me/husband or immediate family, so is getting soo big, doesn't need me so much anymore. So, home I went and then went to pick her back up. I walk through the doors of the school, down the hall from her classroom, and I hear crying and instantly I know that it is my precious little girl. She realized I had left 5 minutes after I did and she cried the entire time on the teachers lap. (Thank goodness it is a cooperative class with the high school and there were 2 other "adult" teachers there to attend to the other kids). As soon as I heard her cries, I burst into tears myself. The other moms were wonderful and very reassuring. I dried my tears and as soon as class was over I gave her a big hug. It was rough for the first 3 weeks. She cried everyday, but everyday it got a little less. I did the quick goodbye. I never went into the class, kisses and hugs at the door, a quick reminder of where I was going to be right when class was over and in she went. It does get easier, trust me, I was there. By the end of the school year she loved going and was sad that it was summer (she quickly got over that, lol)

Having said all of that, her school doesn't start up until mid Oct, so I really hope we don't have adjustments issues again, but if we do at least I will know now that it will get better. I think that was the hardest part, thinking that this poor child will suffer forever. She didn't and she learned a lot and met some great friends that we got together with all summer.

Good luck. :grouphug:

Nikki

Mom to Princess Jaden (soon to be 4) and Princess Addyson (15 months)

grlpwrd
09-10-2007, 09:04 PM
I recommend you read The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn to him.

I looked it up on amazon.com and this is what it says:

Chester Raccoon doesn't want to go to school--he wants to stay home with his mother. She assures him that he'll love school--with its promise of new friends, new toys, and new books. Even better, she has a special secret that's been in the family for years--the Kissing Hand. This secret, she tells him, will make school seem as cozy as home. She takes her son's hand, spreads his tiny fingers into a fan and kisses his palm--smack dab in the middle: "Chester felt his mother's kiss rush from his hand, up his arm, and into his heart." Whenever he feels lonely at school, all he has to do is press his hand to his cheek to feel the warmth of his mother's kiss. Chester is so pleased with his Kissing Hand that he--in a genuinely touching moment--gives his mom a Kissing Hand, too, to comfort her when he is away. Audrey Penn's The Kissing Hand, published by the Child Welfare League of America, is just the right book for any child taking that fledgling plunge into preschool--or for any youngster who is temporarily separated from home or loved ones. The rough but endearing raccoon illustrations are as satisfying and soothing for anxious children as the simple story.

I have a home daycare and preschool so I homeschool my 4yo and my 2yo dd, too. On Friday he goes to a gymnastics class and this book has helped a lot.

GL!

kellyg403
09-11-2007, 08:18 AM
One of my ds's had a very difficult time adjusting to school as well. He was my 5th and his younger brother was at home with me. It was very difficult for him to start preschool. Combined with the adjustment factor was that he was a severe asthmatic and sometimes he would end up in a full blown attack. He still had difficulty going in to 2nd grade, even though his brother was now in K. It was probably the hardest few years. But, our ped recommended continuing to be consistent with him and making sure that he understands we will be there so that he could calm his anxiety on his own. In our case it did take a while but it did work out to the best idea for him. I knew that once he got over the initial separation he was fine in school, the teachers said so, I watched through the window etc. , and he always spoke highly of all the kids and how much fun they had at recess! But every morning to get him to that point was a true test of patience. I agree with others that being consistent and letting him bring something from home to put in his pocket would maybe help a bit. My ds had a blankie at home, we cut a square and he kept it in his pocket for 2 years! Even at home sometimes I would see him with his hand his pocket holding on to that square.

He is now in 8th grade, a football player for several years and last year his homeroom teacher was his Pre-k teacher. He was embarrassed as heck when the first thing she said was I am so glad you love school now!

Good luck OP...I think sometimes its harder on us. I felt really guilty for even sending him to school for 2 years. But, had I not I have a feeling I would still be fighting him!

Kelly

IlliniMouse
09-11-2007, 08:51 AM
My son's first and second day of pre-school went great. In fact, driving home, I was in tears because he didn't seem to care at all that I was leaving. Jumped right into things there. On the third day, things were different. He had to be peeled off of me. And this continued for most of the year. :( Every day it was the same. Put his things in his cubby, sign him in, and then go in to wash his hands. (Every kid had to wash their hands upon arrival.) There was a fantastic aid in his classroom that knew he had a tough time every morning. So, everyday she'd come over and start talking to him and help me get out the door faster. She'd usually whisper something in his ear that would make him smile, and he and Miss Jan were on a mission. Sometimes they jumped out the back door to "scare" me on my way to the car, or they'd knock on the window if it was too cold to "scare" me so DS could wave to me one last time. No matter how horrible the mornings were, he never wanted to leave when it was time to go home. In Kindergarten he was worried he wouldn't be able to wave to me, but he discovered the windows there, and did it himself. Imagine my disappointment the first day he was having so much fun and forgot to wave to me. Bittersweet moment for sure.

DS is now in the third grade, and we have no problems at all. Last year it was a bit different because we moved into a new district, and he started riding the bus. He was a little apprehensive about going to a new school (can't blame him for that!), but he adjusted fine.

Each child is different, and adjusts in their own time. Just be consistant and reassuring, and everything will be fine. It's amazing how quickly they grow up and soon enough Mom isn't the most important person in their life. :(

Microcell
09-11-2007, 08:57 AM
I want to share my DS's experience not to scare you but for you to really think about this-

My DS is a wary child, very cautious, and it got much worse in his preschool year. He got the "Best teacher" in the preschool and they treated it like an honor to have her. He did not like it from day one.

She was personable and friendly with me, and told me at the beginning that she thought DS might want to go late to Kindergarten. He is bright, and attentive, so I inquired why she thought so, perhaps social (I knew he was slow to warm up so I figured as much). She told me that her sons (who are LD) really wish she had not sent them early and she just thinks that in general boys are immature and that my DS should wait so he could be physically bigger for sports, a leader in the class... etc... He would also be 19 when graduating from HS and IMO probably bored all through school! I told her that and she got rather cold toward me for the rest of the year.

I could handle that, she does not think I am making the right decision, but she would never take it out on my kid... BOY WAS I WRONG!!!!

At the christmas party she said, in front of me "Class, tell Ben to get a tissue" and the whole class did and then "Class tell Ben to throw it away". I thought it was an isolated incident, and my gut said he was probably humiliated at being bossed like that, but I dismissed it, because after all, she is the preferred teacher, who it was a common fact, preferred the boys.

March came and she told me that she REALLY thought he was not ready, and I should get him tested. She finally told me that he was refusing to participate in activities, in MARCH!!! I got to talking to the other parents about it, and one parent who stuck around the class longer than I usually did said that it seemed to her that he was being singled out quite a bit. By that point it was the end of the year and the teacher practically begged me to hold him back (so she could humiliate him more? I dont think so). I refused and she got annoyed again. She said "I hope he does not get frustrated".

Fast forward to last Thursday when I spoke to his Kindergarten teacher, she said he is doing absolutely wonderfully! I hope his sister understands that when he graduates in the top of his class, one of our four tickets will be sent to you know who! Joking!

Really look at the situation carefully and make sure the same things are not going on. I really think, looking back that there were things I missed, and that stupid teacher of his really lowered his self esteem. Make sure, see if other parents are noticing anything, and really, he does not have to go to preschool to get socialization, there are playgroups etc...

Good luck!

BTW I did get him tested at Parents as Teachers (the district early childhood center) and they said nothing was glaring either way. It was up to me if I wanted him to go, they saw nothing screaming at them to hold him back.

ksumn1
09-11-2007, 10:09 AM
I don't have alot of great advice, since both my girls adjusted very quickly. My youngest DD (4) started PreK this year and after day #2 she would say bye, kiss and after that I was *invisible* to her. I'm going to eat luch with her and read a book to the class today, and her 1st words when she found out was "Don't check me out early, OK. I have TOO much to do" :rotfl:

But I really feel for you and I know you just want what's best for your DS. I do agree to maybe have his teacher try to encourage a friendship with some of the other children, and that might help a little. Any form of distraction might. At DD's Prek, they go in, hang up their jackets and bookbags, set their agendas on top of the cubby and go straight to their table. Every morning there are blocks, links or some other tub of toys on the table for them to play with until school actually start. Gives them something to focus on besides Mom and Dad leaving.

I hope things get better for ya'll. :grouphug:

julm26
09-11-2007, 11:06 AM
I totally disagree with some posters saying to take him out. What will you do when he needs to go to kindergarten?? My DD2 has been going to "school" (daycare) since she was 3 months old. She loves it and is a happy adjusted child who is a leader in her room. Did she cry when she moved from the infant room to the one year old room. YOU BET SHE DID!!! did it break my heart? everyday, i would cry my way to work. But she got over it. I didn't have the luxury of a relative taking care of her (my mom is terminally ill). and I believe she will have an easier time in school.

Your beautiful little boy will start to like school. and he will be that great child he is at home at school too!! Keep your head up!!! :goodvibes

Cory's Gal
09-11-2007, 05:53 PM
I am a preschool teacher, the best thing you can do is to keep bringing him to preschool. Each year we always have a couple of kids who have the same experience, and then they end up liking preschool the most. It is so beneficial even for a 3 year old to go to preschool and learn how to be around other kids, learn rules other than home rules, to be respectful to the teachers, and to learn to cope by themselves. Out of a whole week it is good for your child and for YOU to have them have 8 hours or so to be with someone else. Preschool is a wonderful step to prepare for Kindergarten whether it's more of an academic preschool or social preschool. Most teachers are willing to help you with tools to get used to this, and honestly the most helpful thing you can do is give a kiss and leave. Your child will still love you and they will not hold it against you. You are being a wonderful parent by giving them this preschool experience!!

chris4disney
09-11-2007, 07:34 PM
Well today I sent DS to school with a picture of myself and DH, plus one of him and his sister. He did much better today,:thumbsup2 but who knows if the pictures had anything to do with it. Well see if he wants to take them with him again next time.

2tinkersmom
09-11-2007, 08:35 PM
It sounds like your son has been doing better since you first posted but I have read the whole thread and just wanted to respond.

My first response is as a preschool teacher. All children are different - in the way they adjust to preschool, the time it takes them to adjust and in the way they will seperate from mom or dad. We know to expect just about anything and everything the first few weeks of a year. But I will tell you that for all the tears I've seen, I've also seen as many kids at the end of the year who just love coming to school. At our school, if a child truly does not settle in for the day we will call mom and dad. That rarely happens though, because its usually just the seperation point that is the toughest. You mentioned how different he is at home, talking and active, etc. They are in a completely different environment for the first time, it takes a while most times for their true personalities to emerge.

As a mom of two very different girls, I want to reassure you too. My first daughter couldn't get out the door fast enough for preschool and continues to be that way leaving for eighth grade! My second daughter needed mom's hand and reassurance every step of the way to go to preschool and still needs it some days. Her first days of preschool were traumatic too, as she usually was pretty expressive about not wanting me to go! But she made it and after a few weeks all she could talk about was what her teacher said and did and how she got to play with all the other kids.

I know your mom's instinct wants to protect them from what seems like an upsetting experience. But it does get better for you and them! Your son is learning valuable lessons right now about being part of a class, about making friends, about listening to a teacher and even about leaving you for a short time. Hang in there!!

workinmomof2
09-11-2007, 11:30 PM
After your story, you will get a kick on why my DS3 does not want to stay in preschool. He has been going to a pre-preschool program since he turned 2. After the 2 year old program he was in a three between program because his birthday is late in the year. At the end of August he started official preschool. He loves his teacher and the teacher's aide. He runs into the classroom when I drop him off. He just goes for 2 hours a day M, W, F. At night when I am putting him to bed we talk about his day. I always ask him if he likes school and is looking forward to the next time that he goes, he has been responding "Mommy, I don't like school. It is too long and takes away from my play time." or "I don't want to go back to school, they make us do too many projects". I have to hold back a laugh because I know the next time I drop him off, he will be all excited to be there and to get started.

Hang in there. I really believe that your son will adjust. He just has to do so on his own time line. I bet once he makes a friend it will be better. I bet many of those kids have been going to school together for at least a year and he is like the new kid. It will work out.

I do agree with pp. Parents who hang around make it worse on the kids and that there are many kids that do it to make their parents feel bad. I have been there and seen kids just stop crying the minute they know their parents can't hear them anymore.

kristenrice
09-11-2007, 11:58 PM
My DD4 just started preschool last week. On day 1 we were advised that she had MULTIPLE episodes of :scared1: hitting and punching! When I asked her why she behaved like that, she told me that it was because the boys were taking her toys away and that hurt her feelings. She actually said, "The boy knocked over my blocks so I choked him":eek: I have NO idea where she learned this behavior! The most violent thing she watches on TV is Playhouse Disney and there is certainly no hitting or punching, let alone CHOKING allowed in our house. She has never been to formal daycare, but she does have regular exposure to other children. She goes to Sunday School at church (and has since she was 2) every week. I was mortified to hear this. I was so worried to send her back. She is very tall for her age and she towers over all but 1 of her classmates.
After her second day, the teacher said she was so well behaved. She always "used her words" (which is what we taught her to do in the first place) and there were NO violent outbursts. I just hope that it was her way of expressing "first day jitters". I certainly don't want to be the mom of the class bully! I'm not ready for the "My kid beat up your honor student" bumper sticker:rotfl2:

disneymarie
09-12-2007, 12:26 AM
My first born son, now 33, was like that. It was a terror getting him in half day Kindergarten. He cried everyday, if he saw me at school he ran out of the room...He was difficult, kicking and screaming every day. He did not turn 5 until the end of the first month of school, for the cut off that year. Then everyone else was turning 6.

But, it did not let up for years!!!!!!!
He was 14 got a gf and went everyday, honor roll, named Who's Who among students two years... :rolleyes1
After all that Drama!!!!!
I would have found him a gf the first day if I knew it would have helped....:rotfl2: