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View Full Version : Something I just don't get......


Mouse House Mama
09-06-2007, 08:40 PM
I keep reading all these threads about people not letting their own kids go into the refrigerator or pantries etc. What is that all about? Your own kids are not allowed to eat in their own house unless someone rations it out to them? I can understand montoring their food intake for health reasons, but I amnot getting the kitchen police thing. I am not flaming but I just don't get this. Anyone?:confused3

disneymom3
09-06-2007, 08:52 PM
I grew up in a house that you had to ask for a snack and that is how I have been doing it. Recently though I have changed my approach and it is working well. My concern has been kids filling up on junky snacks and then not wanting meals. What I have done is make fruit, vegies, yogurt and cheese open snacks. They can have as much as they want as often as they want. When I first implemented this system--just last week, I admit--my kids went nuts the first couple of days. Then it toned down and I have a LOT less whining about snacks. My kids are 5, 7 and 11 and since we homeschool are here all day.

katiebsmom
09-06-2007, 08:59 PM
If I didn't monitor my DD she'd eat a box of little debbies ALL OF THEM!!! Kids HAVE to be taught eating habits. Leave one alone to figure life out on thier own and see what happens...they do what they want and not whats best for them in most cases. So, yes I will be the police in many areas of my child's life including the kitchen until she gets it. Just my 2 cents worth LOL!

ilovejack02
09-06-2007, 09:02 PM
Growing up i couldnt just wander in the kitchen and grab stuff. Dad had an issue with clean hands and always was concerned about that , which i get. He didnt want me sticking dirty nasty hands in the food lol. His mom was a germ freck she boiled the dishes, so im sure that rubbed off on him a bit . I also was not allowed to roam free with food either.
My oldest is 18 and i dont remember being real strict with him and it worked ok. My baby is 5 and he gets in the darn fridge all damn day. Sticks his grubby little hands in everything and spills stuff.. ill never forget the day he dropped the whole carton of eggs oh and then there was the day i opened the fridge after he had rearraggned it and the jar of pickles fell out... ick that was a mess!!!
I know put up the snacks on the highest shelves of pantry and punish him if he gets in fridge without asking. Its not so much about health , cuz alot of times he will pull out the veggies and eat them, but i hate when i find half eaten tomatos and apples out or open packages of crackers getting stale. He also has a habit of getting out the bread and eating half a thing of hot dog buns.
I think you get why i keep a tight leash on it LOL.

twinspluscade
09-06-2007, 09:05 PM
Well, my kids are pretty young yet (5,5,3), so I don't let them have "open access" to the fridge or cupboards. They get into the fridge sometimes anyway when I'm busy doing something else, and guess what they like to eat?! MARGARINE!:lmao: . They'll bypass applesauce and even pudding to eat the darn fatty maragarine. I've also caught them eating cottage cheese with ketchup mixed in; and they've been known to eat plain sour cream too.:confused3 . So, given their ages and what they like to eat, at this point I monitor (or try to anyway!) what they are digging out of the fridge.

Also--Dh and I do like our junk food (so sue me:rotfl:). We almost always have chips or ice cream around that he and I eat after the kids are in bed. Kids get junk food too, in limited moderation. But if I had an open access policy I'm sure they'd eat it all the time.

As they get older, no doubt I'll let them get their own snacks whenever they want. My parents always let me eat whatever I wanted from a very early age (I sometimes wonder if this is why I'm so fond of junk food:rolleyes1 )--we had a lot around the house when I was growing up, and I inevitably ate it.

mumom95
09-06-2007, 09:20 PM
My kids are 6 and 8 and they are supposed to ask before they get something. If they ask for a snack I'll say you can have "X, Y or Z" and then they go and get it. Soemtimes they will look into the fridge or pantry first and ask "can I have X", but they don't get it until dh or I say it is ok. I guess I don't let them have free reign because like the person above said, they would eat a whole box of little debbies (they come by it naturally, I've been known to eat an entire box a time or two in my life :goodvibes ). It works for our house, but I'm sure some homes work fine with no restrictions.

GoinToDisney
09-06-2007, 09:31 PM
My dd is 3 and isn't strong enough to get our fridge open, so she asks for what she wants. I think, if she really tried, she could do it, but I'm not planning to clue her in. :ssst: When she is older, I will give her a list of healthy snacks and let her be in charge a bit more. In our house, a snack is different from a treat. A snack is healthy. A treat is something that isn't as healthy. We eat it because it tastes good, so we don't overdo it, and we don't have treats every single day.

kerry34
09-06-2007, 09:39 PM
My kids ask before they take anything because otherwise I am sure it would be a free for all. I do allow them to go and get it themselves but I do monitor their portion sizes and tell them when enough is enough. They would eat me out of house and home if I didnt do this. I wouldnt do it any other way.

tanyaandallie
09-06-2007, 09:42 PM
I grew up in a home where we could pretty much get anything out of the pantry or fridge when we wanted to. I guess if we were eating chips all day my mom would stop us, but generally it was never a problem.

My kids are still young so I don't know how I will handle this as they grow up. For now, when they want a snack, I get something out for them. I think open pantry would work ok for my dd. She would get out something decently healthy most of the time. My ds, on the other hand, spends his entire day in search of candy, cookies and chips. So, if he had open pantry he would likely sit in there and eat chips and candy all day!!!

We are playing it by ear. I have no intention of being the pantry police but I will monitor what my kids eat. It's my responsibility as a parent.

mommylicious
09-06-2007, 09:48 PM
My kids know that fruit is acceptable at any time. If we have yogurt it is as well (provided that it is eaten at the table). They know if they want anything other than that, they need to ask. That works for us.

twoeeyy
09-06-2007, 09:54 PM
As others have stated I think I depends on the child. My 15 yr old daughter has never liked chocolate anything, candy, cookies, chips ( except doritos ), she basically hates all sweets, now on the other hand I can't keep enough fruit in the house :) .

As a child I was allowed to help myself, but again that was because I did not abuse it

PrincessasMommy
09-06-2007, 10:32 PM
Our kids ask too. I like to know what they are eating and when. For instance, 10 minutes before dinner today my 4 1/2 year old insisted she NEEDED a pudding! If she didn't ask she would have eaten it and ruined her appetite for dinner. Even my almost 12 year old asks, I don't deny her if it's an appropriate snack at an appropriate time (not chocolate at 10am) but she knows she has to ask. :)

stczt
09-06-2007, 11:21 PM
When I was a kid I was not allowed to eat between meals. My kids do have to ask before getting anything. I dont buy junk but they always ask for fruit I rarely say no but still Its a good habit for them since many times I have gone to make super and not had all the stuff because the oldest ate it. Anyone with teenage boys know even my 10 yearold ds will put the food away. So thats my main reason they dont know its may be part of a meal.

mylilnikita
09-07-2007, 12:22 AM
I was raised totally different. If I didn't help myself at age 5, my butt would have been hungry all the time. I had a nanny up until then living on a island in the Atlantic, and how do I put this, my DM well, she was dis connected. Meaning she gave birth to me and that was her contribution. So when we moved back to the states, I learned how to make my own cereal and own lunch because she didn't want to wake up early for that.
DD8 is able to help herself, even though she wasn't doing things like I did when I was 5, but she knows if she goes to a friend's house she waits until something is offered and her friends come over and she asks them and I have a open pantry policy. I also don't have a lot of "junk food in the house, because I would be the one scarfing it down.

Aliceacc
09-07-2007, 05:33 AM
My kids are 9,7 and 4.

The only issue we've ever had was when my youngest was about 2. She would drop eggs from the fridge just to see them break... she thought it was incredibly cool:rotfl: So for a while there we had a velcro strap locking the fridge.

Now that she's a "big girl", my kids have open access to the fridge. If we sense that they're overdoing the snacks, we tell them to stop. Case closed.

But anyone who wants to grab a piece of cheese or some fruit or a bowl of cereal is welcome to. If they can do it without calling "MOM!" I'm that much happier. It never occurred to me to make an issue of it.

rjan67
09-07-2007, 06:18 AM
My kids (4,7 &9 ) ask for snacks, but my oldest will now get her own if it is fruit, yogurt or vegies. She has to ask for anything else. My boys ask for snacks because they would eat right before a meal and not eat dinner if I let them.

Hannathy
09-07-2007, 08:02 AM
I don't get it either OP. We have always had an open policy for all food including candy and have never had a problem. In fact I have Easter candy that I need to throw away when I remember! There is always snack food or cookies in the pantry and candy in dishes or the drawer and half the time I have to remind people to eat it. I think by rationing it and forbidding it kids never learn to ration themselves and make good choices. I can always tell when kids are visiting which kids have to ask permission and are limited because they always take and eat more than the other kids and usually grab many cookies at a time instead of eating 1 and coming back.

dcforbreakfast
09-07-2007, 08:07 AM
I'm not really sure if I insisted on it at some point or my son just assumed he had to ask, but my five year old always asks before he gets a snack and I always have to get him drinks because he can't do that one alone. When he asks for a snack and I say yes, he says "What's on the list?" :rotfl: Like it's a menu, so I tell him which snacks are up for grabs and he picks one!

If I didn't do this he would likely just eat because he's bored. I can always tell when he just wants to eat because he doesn't know what else to do with himself. We're not militant about it though....it's just never been an issue.

ZPT1022
09-07-2007, 08:33 AM
My kids are only 6,3 and 3 so yes, for now I play "pantry police". If they ask for a snack and we're not ten minutes from a meal or something, they usually get it. At this point it has more to do with them not being able to reach everything and me not wanting to find a huge mess when they decide to play or fool around. As they get older we will be a lot more open about it. Everything I ate was monitored so strictly and my mother was freaked out about being fat (and consequently about me being fat). Oddly enough though,she was also big on the "You will finish everything on your plate if you ever want to leave the table" at mealtimes. As a consequence, I never developed good eating habits. The second I moved out I went completely nuts and ate nothing but junk. DH had the opposite type of home, every sort of junk food imaginable was there and they were free to grab whatever, whenever. He learned to constantly graze all day on junk. Now that he no longer plays lots of sports, it's caught up. For our kids we're trying to meet in the middle. For now, since they're young, we get their meals and snacks mostly to reduce messes. As they get older we will allow them to do more for themselves. Hopefully they will be better informed about good choices than either DH or I were.

Kies99
09-07-2007, 08:34 AM
My kids are 6 and 4. I'm more concerned about them not closing the fridge door more than anything else and that's why we won't let them in th fridge.

As for getting their own snacks and such, we don't let them get them without asking first. That's just to monitor what/how much they are eating. If they ask and we feel it's time for them to eat/snack, then they have a whole snack drawer in the kitchen and they can get it themselves.

taximomfor4
09-07-2007, 08:45 AM
We keep certain things in the house that are always available for snacking. Then, there are things that are "treats" or "dessert." The kids do tend to ask first,for a snack, and are only told "no" if it's almost mealtime.

They never just grab things out of the cupboard or fridge...probably stems from when they needed me to help them. But I don't tell them it's open season on the yogurt or carrots, because I like to veto the snack idea right before dinner or whatever. Even Easter/Halloween candy is out for the grabbing, but they always ask first. They aren't really limited, but tend to only eat one or 2 pieces of candy at a time. Mostly, we end up throwing some away as the next "candy" holiday approaches.

DH grew up in a house where junk food was always available, and he could grab what he wanted whenever. I grew up in a house where there was NO snacking between meals at all, and pop (soda), ice cream, chips, etc were only for the grownups.

Basically, we don't have a hard and fast rule...but my kids ask before grabbing a snack. Even my 10th grader. She knows I won't say she can't have an apple but she still always asks.

Beth

dogluva
09-07-2007, 10:28 AM
I used to let my kids just raid the refrigerator. It was just getting to be too much snacking. They would eat snack after snack, sometimes two fisted. Then they wouldn't eat meals. So this summer I set some ground rules. Ask me. That way I can monitor it. I am flexible and not the refrigerator gastapo but I want to have an idea of what they are eating and where the snacks are going.

I let them help themselves to drinks but don't really keep anything but juice or milk.

lulugirl
09-07-2007, 10:52 AM
Dd is 8, she can take what she wants from the fridge/pantry. I always have fresh fruit, yogurt and relatively healthy snacks on hand that she helps herself to.
The rule in my house is one treat per day, so if you decide to eat a Twinkie at 10 in the morning, fine but no more junk for the rest of the day.
With Dd (8) we've never had to endure any food battles, she's always been a great eater and usually makes healthy choices w/ out any prodding.
3 yr. Ds is completely different, he would eat candy all day if I let him.
So, while my kitchen isn't on lock down I do understand that in some homes it may be necessary if you have a child who will just snack on junk all day.

disneymom3
09-07-2007, 10:59 AM
Lulugirl--isn't that funny? My middle DS wouldn't eat candy if you set it in front of him and he was starving. My youngest one would have chips for breakfast! The other day we were at a friend's and the kids were playing outside. Middle DS came in and asked if he could have some water and my friend told him there was some Kool Aid. He looked kind of worried and they said "May I please just have some water?" His brother on the other hand, perked up his little ears when he found out there was Kool Aid. It is like it is born in them or something.

maiziezoe
09-07-2007, 11:14 AM
My kids have always asked for snacks... I don't remember teaching them to ask. I kind of always thought they asked because they are so polite. :confused3


But, now that I think about it, it probably stems from when they were little and asked for stuff because they couldn't reach it. They never got out of the habit.

I'm glad they ask... otherwise I would never know what to buy at the grocery store.

PrincessHeart
09-07-2007, 11:59 AM
When my dd was little (2-3), we had to lock the pantry b/c if you turned your back she was in there eating something. Then she wouldn't eat meals. Once she got into the habit of asking for snacks - the locks came off. I even have a special cabinent for anytime snacks. The chldren are free to take what they want - as long as they ask first. You just don't want them to eat snacks and then not eat meals. I think a small amount of junk food is healthy. The kids need to learn moderation. We have a neighbor child who is only allowed "healthy" foods. I mean nothing remotely junky is allowed. Well, when she goes to other people's houses, she gets in thier pantries and raids them for junk. I have seen her scarf down three helpings of ice cream and cake at B-day parties. :scared: It's a terrible relationship she has developed with food. You are the parent and you have to help your kids learn good habits. Ok, off my soapbox now.

shelly3girls
09-07-2007, 12:29 PM
We do what many parents have mentioned about unlimited healthy snacks and asking permission for unhealthy snacks. Our big problem is that the kids do not make sure the refrig or freezer door are shut all the way. We have the bottom freezer and french doors on top. They always seem to find the exact position where all the cold still escapes but the door is not open enough to set the alarm off.

LisaZoe
09-07-2007, 12:49 PM
I think by rationing it and forbidding it kids never learn to ration themselves and make good choices. I can always tell when kids are visiting which kids have to ask permission and are limited because they always take and eat more than the other kids and usually grab many cookies at a time instead of eating 1 and coming back.

Please keep in mind that some kids CAN'T ration themselves. My friend's daughter seems to have no internal signal to tell her she's full. She's been that way since she first moved in with them at 2 and still is after 8+ years. She would eat virtually non-stop if she wasn't monitored. At first I felt bad saying No when she'd ask for something to eat when she came to visit. However, after she stayed a few days with me once, I really saw that she didn't know when she'd had enough so I HAD to monitor it for her. Hopefully as she gets older she'll be more able to keep it in check herself.

As for my own DD (almost 6), she is expected to ask before she gets something to eat. Usually I'm OK with her choice but the answer isn't always yes if a meal time is close or her choice isn't one I'd let her have at that time, like chips at breakfast. I do want her to learn to make her own choices and do so wisely but I will continue to monitor her choices until she's consistently making good choices. She's not a big one for candy so we usually end up throwing away Easter and Halloween candy after it's been around a few months. She isn't good about portion control with some things, like chips, so when we have some, I don't let her help herself.

SplashMountainMama
09-07-2007, 01:19 PM
What I never get when I read these threads is how some people don't seem to grasp that not all kids are the same and so different families function in the way that works best for them. Must there always be criticism attached?? I swear, moms can be the worst at trying to make other moms feel bad. :confused3 I have 5 kids and some of them would eat junk all day if I let them have open access to the fridge/cupboards, others would forget to eat unless I made it for them. Just like some adults have a sweet tooth so do some kids and you can't expect a 4 or 5 yr. old to "just know" how to curb a craving. I don't believe in keeping junk food from kids, but I do believe it's our job to teach kids healthy eating habits. Just because someone does it differently than you doesn't make it wrong or worse than you...it just makes it different. :hippie:

Redbudlover
09-07-2007, 01:24 PM
I read the other thread too and decided to keep out of it - but - I agree with the writer. I believe my home is also my kids home and as such they should have access to food in their own house. I just think of human nature. Don't people always want more what they can't have? That is not to say you want kids to pig out all the time on candy and junk, but in that case, just don't buy it. If it is not there, they won't be tempted. I have certainly told my kids to wait on snacks or food if a meal time was approaching, but it is when food is doled out that I believe you create people who crave food.

dogluva
09-07-2007, 03:06 PM
What I never get when I read these threads is how some people don't seem to grasp that not all kids are the same and so different families function in the way that works best for them. Must there always be criticism attached?? I swear, moms can be the worst at trying to make other moms feel bad. :confused3 I have 5 kids and some of them would eat junk all day if I let them have open access to the fridge/cupboards, others would forget to eat unless I made it for them. Just like some adults have a sweet tooth so do some kids and you can't expect a 4 or 5 yr. old to "just know" how to curb a craving. I don't believe in keeping junk food from kids, but I do believe it's our job to teach kids healthy eating habits. Just because someone does it differently than you doesn't make it wrong or worse than you...it just makes it different. :hippie:

This is what I was thinking, different families, different rules. Also, all kids are different, sometimes you have to parent them differently as well. Even my own kids understand this. I read a lot of threads where it seems that if you do something differently, you are doing it wrong. Different does not mean wrong. It is like the calling people Mrs./Mr. thread. Some want to be called a certain way and people should respect that.

I shouldn't have even responded to why I don't allow my children to just eat whatever the want. Not something I should have to explain to a stranger. I don't understand why it is so difficult to figure out the reasons.

NotUrsula
09-07-2007, 03:31 PM
DH and I disagree on this, and now we're paying the price. We've got a 10 yo who won't lift a finger to feed himself because DH was such a hardliner about him *never* going into the fridge or pantry when he was little.

With DH it's more about messes -- he grew up with a mother whose home was sacred, and spilling food while scavenging for munchies was cause for major punishment. He's also really a hardliner about toothbrushing, which DS hates to do, so DH wants to know any time sugar passes DS' lips, so that he can force him to brush his teeth ASAP.

Of course, there was that time (DS was 5) when I was working at home during Xmas vacation and went to vacuum the living room, only to find an enormous number of candy wrappers under the couch. DS had decimated an entire *case* of chocolate truffles in an hour while I was upstairs working, and had attempted to hide the evidence. I was tempted to hide *him*, and I mean that in the English sense of the word. He certainly got yelled at, and was made to break open his piggy bank to pay back the cost of the candy, which had been meant as Xmas gifts.

My rule is that self-service is fine if you only take ONE serving of whatever it is. If you want to eat more than that, you need to check with a parent first, because it may be time to eat a meal if you're that hungry.

Now if I could just get DH to let the kid use a knife on his own ... :rolleyes1

Mouse House Mama
09-07-2007, 03:37 PM
This is what I was thinking, different families, different rules. Also, all kids are different, sometimes you have to parent them differently as well. Even my own kids understand this. I read a lot of threads where it seems that if you do something differently, you are doing it wrong. Different does not mean wrong. It is like the calling people Mrs./Mr. thread. Some want to be called a certain way and people should respect that.

I shouldn't have even responded to why I don't allow my children to just eat whatever the want. Not something I should have to explain to a stranger. I don't understand why it is so difficult to figure out the reasons.
I am the OP. I hope you aren't referring to me. I was just genuinely curious. I don't think one way is neccesarily better or worse. I was just curious as to everone's reasoning. Nothing wrong with that I hope.:confused3

DisneyAprilFool
09-07-2007, 04:10 PM
It's one thing to be genuinely curious- which I hope the OP actually was- and it's another to judge other families.

I once posted on another site asking for ways to help curb my son who was 10 at the time from eating ALL of the school snacks before school- in effect, eating everything sweet and leaving both my daughter AND himself with no snacks for school. I was given a verbal lashing by more then one person for trying to limit my own child from eating 8-12 sweet snacks a day! Give me a break!

So in our home- I have a snack cupboard that is LOCKED. Before school in the morning, I go in there and I get a juice box and snacks to go in the kids' boxes. Then it's relocked and I hide the key. Why? Because my kids- BOTH OF THEM- cannot self regulate.

Someone on here bragged about their kids still having Easter candy left over- well, that's great. I'm glad your kids can stop- mine don't. Each Halloween AND Easter, I've always allowed free access to their candy- they usually polish it off within 1-2 days. I used to keep a candy jar filled on my counter- it too would be polished off within 2-3 days. Is that HEALTHY for a child?

Nay, I daresay, it is NOT healthy. If a child cannot self regulate their junk food intake or simply chooses NOT to- what's a parent to do?

My kids have access to healthy snacks- but even then, I prefer they pipe up and ask. Sure, they can have an orange or an apple- BUT I'd prefer it NOT be 5 minutes before I place their dinner in front of them.

To each their own, I suppose, but until my children prove to me that they can handle the responsibility of limiting their junk food intake- I'll limit it for them.

(As far as kids who have imposed limits taking more when they are at your house- that makes perfect sense to me- of course, kids that are already loaded up on junk and sugary snacks at home may not see the novelty of snagging as much junk food as they want at someone else's home! Self regulated does not mean WELL regulated in and of itself.)

dogluva
09-07-2007, 04:30 PM
I am the OP. I hope you aren't referring to me. I was just genuinely curious. I don't think one way is neccesarily better or worse. I was just curious as to everone's reasoning. Nothing wrong with that I hope.:confused3


Well, I am referring to you. YOu asked in a very judgmental tone such as referring to monitoring the snacks as "kitchen police thing" and asked the question with "what is that all about?" which sounds to me like you find it wrong and you also referred to monitoring as "rationing".

Asking out of curiosity is one thing, presenting it like you find it child abuse is another.

Mouse House Mama
09-07-2007, 05:29 PM
Well, I am referring to you. YOu asked in a very judgmental tone such as referring to monitoring the snacks as "kitchen police thing" and asked the question with "what is that all about?" which sounds to me like you find it wrong and you also referred to monitoring as "rationing".

Asking out of curiosity is one thing, presenting it like you find it child abuse is another.


Well I am sorry you took it that way but I assure you that if you spoke to me in person you would not think that was the "tone" I was taking. I was genuinely curious what people's reasons were. I also never stated one way or another what we do in our home so you have no idea what I think is wrong or right. I also preciously stated that I don't think one way is necessarily right or wrong. Every situation is different. I also never mentioned at all that I thought it was child abuse. If you took it that way then perhaps it is you that has issues with it. I however do not. Everyone has a reason for their rules and I was curious as to why others had this particular rule besides some of the obvious ones. Again- you cannot know someone's "tone" on the computer but thanks for deciding how I was asking. - Yes that is in a "tone".

taximomfor4
09-07-2007, 06:02 PM
Someone on here bragged about their kids still having Easter candy left over- well, that's great. I'm glad your kids can stop- mine don't.

I stated previously that we still have Easter candy left. At Halloween, we throw away leftover Easter candy. Around Easter, we throw away leftover Halloween candy. On my part, it is definitely not bragging. It was to illustrate that although my kids don't have problems self-limiting their junkfood intake, I STILL choose to have them ask for snacks. I don't think I came across as bragging, and apologize if it rang like that.

To be honest, I don't remember ever "teaching" them to ask for snacks, though. Like a pp on here, I think it just continued from way back when they couldn't reach/open things on their own. I just let it continue, because while I don't ration, I do monitor.

dogluva
09-07-2007, 06:15 PM
Well I am sorry you took it that way but I assure you that if you spoke to me in person you would not think that was the "tone" I was taking. I was genuinely curious what people's reasons were. I also never stated one way or another what we do in our home so you have no idea what I think is wrong or right. I also preciously stated that I don't think one way is necessarily right or wrong. Every situation is different. I also never mentioned at all that I thought it was child abuse. If you took it that way then perhaps it is you that has issues with it. I however do not. Everyone has a reason for their rules and I was curious as to why others had this particular rule besides some of the obvious ones. Again- you cannot know someone's "tone" on the computer but thanks for deciding how I was asking. - Yes that is in a "tone".

I don't have issues with it at all-I know you don't think it is child abuse but it seemed like you thought it was wrong. Maybe you don't. Came across like you did.

By the way, if I did allow my oldest daughter to snack whenever she liked, she would weight 300 lbs. by now. That to me, is child abuse.

DisneyAprilFool
09-07-2007, 06:29 PM
Sorry- perhaps I misread what you wrote- I thought you meant you had Halloween/Easter candy and the kids could take without asking and you STILL had some left over! Us- we only end up with the gross stuff left over and that's just because we DO allow them free reign over their candy during those holidays :)

Mouse House Mama
09-07-2007, 09:05 PM
I don't have issues with it at all-I know you don't think it is child abuse but it seemed like you thought it was wrong. Maybe you don't. Came across like you did.

By the way, if I did allow my oldest daughter to snack whenever she liked, she would weight 300 lbs. by now. That to me, is child abuse.
I completely agree.

As for our house, my kids do ask but mainly because they are young and can't reach too many things. (the treats anyway!) They can reach things like fruit, carrots, yogurt etc. They still ask but they can have that stuff. I try not to buy too much junk and I do limit what they have because I want them to be healthy. I don't veto stuff or make a huge issue of it because
1- I don't want them to have issues with food and eating
2- I don't want them going to someone else's house and eating every snack they can get their hands on because they are not allowed to have it at home.

I am more of an everything in moderation person. My kids all have different eating styles as well. One likes large servings. One will eat small servings all day long. One is a mixture - it depends on what we are eating. I take this into consideration. I am just trying to create a healthy attitude towards food. Growing up we had cake and coffee after lunch and dinner every day. (we're Italian!) We sat and ate 3 good meals a day and also snacked but not too much. None of us were overweight etc. I am trying to recreate that for my kids. Right, wrong I don't know. I am just trying to do what I think works like I imagine we all are.

#1 Pocahontas
09-07-2007, 09:29 PM
My children have to ask for snacks. Like someone else wrote, it just carried on from when they couldn't do it themselves. Well, my youngest still can't. it may change a bit when they are older. But for now I want to know what they are having.

I'll let them have fruit whenever they ask for it.

We also throw out holiday candy. I think Halloween candy multiplies in it's bowl. We just can't eat it all, let alone just my kids. I have put Halloween candy in my daughter's advent calendar for the past 3 years just to try to get rid of it! Then I throw out the rest. Of course, you'd never see a reeces peanut butter cup or a snickers make it to the advent calendar. LOL

LisaNJ25
09-07-2007, 09:45 PM
I have never made my kids ask for permission for anything from the kitchen. With 4 kids in the house that would get nuts.. My 3yo can open the fridge and get a cheese stick if she wants. I don't tend to buy much junk food do they are usually getting a drink or fruit.

Mandychelle79
09-07-2007, 10:12 PM
We play it by ear. Most times the kiddos have pretty much open access to snack foods( yes at 4 and 2) but they are more likely to eat a banana than a cookie. Neither of them really like candy, we dont normally have chips in the house so its either the cookies that they can reach ( and then usually bring the package to an adult) or fruit that they snack on. However today my dd poured her self a bowl of cereal and milk as a snack when she got home from school. I thought it was pretty cool that she was able to do that on her own.
r.

tonilea
09-07-2007, 11:45 PM
I didn't read all the responses, but that is exactly what my parents did and I will have a similar policy.

One reason is it is a PITA to get ready to make something (Cashew Chicken) and SOMEONE has eaten all the cashews. KWIM?

taximomfor4
09-08-2007, 08:33 AM
Sorry- perhaps I misread what you wrote- I thought you meant you had Halloween/Easter candy and the kids could take without asking and you STILL had some left over! Us- we only end up with the gross stuff left over and that's just because we DO allow them free reign over their candy during those holidays :)

We DO leave it out, and have some left over. They ask if they can take some, I say Yes (unless it's dinnertime, then I say After Dinner). They take one or 2 pieces, and that's it. Doesn't even happen every day. If it became a problem, I would put it up or say "no" more often. As it is, they for whatever reason self-moderate at this point. Obviously, this is subject to change in the future (teen years??)

Oh, they DO eat more candy the first day or 2...gotta get all their favorites eaten because -----------------------after the second day, I combine everyone's candy into one basket/bucket! That bucket lives on the counter, and the kids can have candy whenever...but they do still ask first. I kind of like them asking first, because that way I am somewhat aware of who eats what, and how much of it. That's what I meant by monitoring, just "being aware."

I don't think either way is wrong or right. Parents decide based on what fits their beliefs, lifestyles, and children!!!!

Beth

squirrlygirl
09-08-2007, 12:02 PM
Because I'm the mom and it's my job to ensure they are eating healthy. I do not for one minute believe my young kids will inherently make the right choices. They can't do this until they've been taught what those choices are and are mature enough to follow through. And I agree with a PP-what if that food is for a recipe?
DS (11) has been given free reign to choose outside of home whether or not to eat something. He still has to ask at home if he can have a snack, and if it's not "snack" food (like maybe the green pepper in the crisper) he has to ask if his choice is okay or if it's needed for something. Heck, even my husband does this (the ask if it's needed thing not the can I have part lol) When DS gets a bit older, I won't make him ask before he has the snack, because he will have learned (if I did my job right;) ) what is proper and what isn't, what time is appropriate/when isn't. Right now he still doesn't make healthy choices when left on his own, so we'll continue at this half-point for now.
Water can be gotten at any time by any child (baby excepted for obvious reasons) Kids are given free reign on Halloween candy, but my 2 middle ones always choose to trade it in for a trip to the toy store (last year the L&D nurses had a blast eating the loot:thumbsup2 )

disykat
09-08-2007, 04:39 PM
I had never heard of anyone NOT monitoring their children's food intake until I had a neighbor whose kids ate constantly. It's just part of being a mom IMO.

My neighbor would sit and watch her 3 year old help himself to soda from the fridge and say "I wish he wouldn't do that all the time." It didn't occur to her to stop him. I knew this gal well and she had a lot of frustration that her kids were out of control, but she didn't like to set any limits on them.

While I can certainly see having certain foods designated as available anytime, and giving kids more leeway as they get older, but I can't see just letting your kids have free reign to make all their own food choices from the time they can toddle.

Halloween candy is a different story. Most moms I know let their kids have at it because they don't want it in the house.

Creekermom
09-08-2007, 05:32 PM
We have free rein here BUT I have healthy snacks that are readily available all the time. Other things have to be asked for, such as sweet things etc.. I am trying to promote a healthy lifestyle as I have had some health issues.

I just want my DD to be educated and to make wise decisions concerning her health. Everything in moderation. :)

Beth E. (NJ)
09-08-2007, 07:20 PM
Please everyone play nice. We all have different parenting styles and do what works for us and our families.

Mouse House Mama
09-08-2007, 08:46 PM
I personally can understand the monitoring what the kids eat, but on other threads it just seemed like some (not all) truly were like the kitchen police. You know- only so many apple slices allowed etc. I was just curious as to the reasons for things like that. I understand budget and spoiled appetites but I guess for me, if it is a budget thing, I would rather cut costs in other places. Like I have previously stated, I don't think any one way is right or wrong, I just don't understand the reasoning behind some of it. KWIM?

Lisa loves Pooh
09-08-2007, 08:52 PM
My children are 7 and 4--if I don't know they are going in the fridge, they might be in there with the door wide open for 20 minutes.

They don't know when their next meal will be...I tend to cook pretty quickly and we don't eat at the same time every day.

We have all sorts of healthy snacks. But just b/c it is "healthy"--doesn't mean it can be a free for all. My main thing is that my kids must have variety. At most I will allow a second serving of something, but if the are still hungry--they need to eat something else.

If they are hungry, I let them eat. But at their age---yes they still need to ask permission or at least let me know they are planning to eat something. I call it parenting..not policing.

DisneyAprilFool
09-08-2007, 09:44 PM
I must have missed that thread, but in the end- if the kids' doctors' think they are healthy- who cares if their parents are 'kitchen police'? Frankly, nothing peeves me more (well, okay- some things do) then thinking of a great dinner I can cook only to realize the ingredients were chowed down upon just hours before I went to make dinner. That's just me though :confused3

SplashMountainMama
09-08-2007, 09:50 PM
My children are 7 and 4--if I don't know they are going in the fridge, they might be in there with the door wide open for 20 minutes.


Slightly OT, but I had to jump in and say Dh and I just bought a new fridge (our last one was a 20yr old hand me down) and it has the coolest feature. If the fridge door is left open for more than 5 minutes or so it starts beeping to let us know. I know it's a little sad to get excited about something like that, but seriously, whoever thinks of these things is brilliant! I can't tell you how many times I found the door to our old fridge left open... and, of course, that's when the kids would go in with permission. ;)

Creekermom
09-09-2007, 02:28 AM
I have to agree with the Moderator, that each one of us have to do what is best for OUR families. That means that it may differ from what others do.

It makes for a diverse world :)

I think it is great as we all know our children the best. :)

Mouse House Mama
09-09-2007, 05:28 AM
Splasmountainmama- That is such a great invention!

DisneyAprilFool-
I agree that of course if the kids are healthy it is no biggie. I am sorry if this thread came across as rude, but I truly am curious as to some reasonings. Without getting into details I know someone who is very militant in what the kids eat. IE- no more than one cheerio at a time. The kids are young (not choking on food age) and yes I am serious- one cheerio at a time. I honestly don't get the reasoning behind that. Perhaps she has a good reason- I don't know. I was trying to get some insight as I am sure there are many others who are the same way. I was trying to make light of something I found strange (not bad- just strange as in new to me) and it is sometimes hard to convey that on the computer.

CreekerMom- I agree! Having different opinions and thoughts makes the world the most interesting place!:thumbsup2

DisneyAprilFool
09-09-2007, 10:29 AM
Well, one Cheerio at a time does seem kinda silly- BUT perhaps she is trying to instill the whole 'eat slowly' method that you always read about when you are losing weight! Not that she wants her kids to lose weight- but she probably doesn't want them wolfing down their food either!

Did you ever ask her what her reason was?

BTW- I think this thread has remained very civil- considering we're talking about parental decisions and we know how THAT can go :rotfl:

Mouse House Mama
09-09-2007, 11:31 AM
Well, one Cheerio at a time does seem kinda silly- BUT perhaps she is trying to instill the whole 'eat slowly' method that you always read about when you are losing weight! Not that she wants her kids to lose weight- but she probably doesn't want them wolfing down their food either!

Did you ever ask her what her reason was?

BTW- I think this thread has remained very civil- considering we're talking about parental decisions and we know how THAT can go :rotfl:
Amen!:cutie:

Most of her reasoning is IMO strange. That's why I was wondering what others thought.

tjmw2727
09-09-2007, 02:46 PM
My kids are 10 and 12 and they can eat without asking and pretty much always have been. I generally don't have anything in the house that I don't want them to eat and if I do I mention that the "cake" is for XX and they wont' eat it.

We do have a couple of rules, like don't eat the last of something without telling me. This is in case I need it and so I know to purchase more. Another is that the big boxes of snacks, say cheese its are for home and the individually wrapped are for school etc. Same thing for water bottles vs using the fridge dispenser to pour a glass. Oh and "daddy's cookies" are usually off limits :)

If they are too full to eat dinner I will ask them what they had to eat and when and we will discuss it if necessary. I am usually around so if I do see one of my dd's taking a 2nd snack or a snack fairly close to dinner I will ask if they really want it and can they wait until dinner at XX time.

TJ

rrobin3051
09-09-2007, 03:42 PM
its a little of both here at our house. I do hate if they ate something for a particular meal, but that doesnt happen often. As far as snacks go , I guess I got lucky, they tend to eat cheese, yogurt stuff like that. Now my 12 year old will eat a whole box of fruit snacks if I let him, and I have if I havent been home or something, but guess what I only buy one box for the week and if you choose to eat them all in one day there isnt anymore and I wont buy more, same with juice boxes they are meant to last all week if they dont guess what its water, so they know this.

queenmum2
09-09-2007, 05:23 PM
I had never heard of anyone NOT monitoring their children's food intake until I had a neighbor whose kids ate constantly. It's just part of being a mom IMO.

My neighbor would sit and watch her 3 year old help himself to soda from the fridge and say "I wish he wouldn't do that all the time." It didn't occur to her to stop him. I knew this gal well and she had a lot of frustration that her kids were out of control, but she didn't like to set any limits on them.



This sounds so much like a friend of mine. Her child would stuff himself with Oreos, then she couldn't figure out why he wouldn't eat a decent meal.

My kids have to ask for snacks. I'm not sure, REALLY, how it started -- probably like PP said, it started when they were too small to get it themselves. My older child would normally choose to snack on fruit and veggies, maybe a cheese bar; my younger child, DD, would gravitate to junk, though. And if she eats ANYTHING anywhere NEAR mealtime, she just WON'T eat a decent meal.

So - not all kids and families are the same. It would be terribly boring if they were.

Tracie

nicolemomof4cuties
09-10-2007, 12:31 PM
:goodvibes My children ask simply because it is rude not to. They also know that I prefer for them to not spoil their appetites before lunch or dinner. I am also uber organized and very anal retentive about where things are placed so they ask me to get things out for them but it doesn't bother me. I am glad that they are polite and considerate of me.:thumbsup2

NemoMOm
09-10-2007, 01:25 PM
My DS is only 2.5 so we keep only healthy snacks in the house. I keep all of the toddler snacks on his shelf in the pantry and if he wants something different suck as fruit he asks so I can cut it for him. I let him eat as much as he wants because he does not overeat and has a very fast metabolism. Every time he gets a little chubby (like toddlers do) he shoots up and is very thin again. We have gone thru 3 pairs of shoes this summer alone and he is already growing the third andf we just bought them.:scared1:

tjmw2727
09-10-2007, 02:06 PM
:goodvibes My children ask simply because it is rude not to. They also know that I prefer for them to not spoil their appetites before lunch or dinner. I am also uber organized and very anal retentive about where things are placed so they ask me to get things out for them but it doesn't bother me. I am glad that they are polite and considerate of me.:thumbsup2

Maybe just semantics but I don't agree that it's rude to take food purchased for you while in your own home. My 10yo taking a peice of fruit from the fruit bowl, pouring herself a glass of juice or having a few pretzels isn't rude. Now if it were at someone elses home that would be rude:)

My dd's help themselves when they are hungry, make great choices, rarely spoil dinner and ask before they take the last of something. If they "trash" the cabinet they will be asked to clean it because it is their home as well as mine.

That's just my preference - not right or wrong, better or worse just different. Although I seem to be in the minority in this thread my children are extremely polite despite being allowed to help themselves to food.

TJ