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eliza61
09-05-2007, 03:57 PM
A few months ago, I got new neighbors. They are really nice people with kids. Boy about 9 and a girl 7. When she introduced me she used my first name. I said, nicely call me Mrs. X. Whenever the kids see me they will speak and say hello using my first name, so I always simply say "Mrs X". Well, 2 days ago my neighbor asked me why I did that and I told her, that they way I was taught children did not address adults by their first name.

Ever since then she has been pretty cool to me. :confused3 I don't think I insulted her and that was certainly not my intent but I still donot want a 7 year old calling me by my first name. Any way to gracefully explain? I guess I shouldn't have to but it's a great neighborhood, we all know one another and I think nowadays that's pretty rare.

My kids are teenagers so maybe things have change and kids do use address adults by their first names. Am I that out of the loop?

all4fun
09-05-2007, 04:02 PM
I was surprised last year when I met my ds preschool teacher for the first time and I told my son to call her Miss [last name] and she correct me, "No, call me [First name]. If its ok w/her it was ok w/me but I thought it was a little odd given we always called our teachers by their last names when I was growing up. Maybe things have changed. (I'm 37 btw).

HappyDznyCamper
09-05-2007, 04:05 PM
Don't know the norms for your area but around here the kids call us MS "First name". This is not how I was raised but it seems to be the norm (at least in my neighborhood) and I kind of like the informality of it, moms are MS..., dads are Mr.....

Carrie772
09-05-2007, 04:06 PM
No, you are not out of the loop. I still follow the rules of respect. It's only the 2 children I would consider godchildren that call me "Mrs. Carrie."

teresajoy
09-05-2007, 04:12 PM
A few months ago, I got new neighbors. They are really nice people with kids. Boy about 9 and a girl 7. When she introduced me she used my first name. I said, nicely call me Mrs. X. Whenever the kids see me they will speak and say hello using my first name, so I always simply say "Mrs X". Well, 2 days ago my neighbor asked me why I did that and I told her, that they way I was taught children did not address adults by their first name.

Ever since then she has been pretty cool to me. :confused3 I don't think I insulted her and that was certainly not my intent but I still donot want a 7 year old calling me by my first name. Any way to gracefully explain? I guess I shouldn't have to but it's a great neighborhood, we all know one another and I think nowadays that's pretty rare.

My kids are teenagers so maybe things have change and kids do use address adults by their first names. Am I that out of the loop?

Honestly, if the children are polite and kind, what difference does it make? Are they rude children or mean? Do they treat you disrespectfully?

You offended the mother, no doubt about it. I would have been offended too. You told her that you didn't think she was teaching her children good manners. You didn't say it out loud, but you certainly implied it, very strongly.

However, I do believe that if you really want to be called Mrs.... then, they should respect that. I'm wondering if when you said it the first time they didn't catch it or though you were kidding? Telling the mother that "told her, that they way I was taught children did not address adults by their first name." immediately put her on the defensive. I'm not sure how to correct it at this point though, without causing more problems. I would apologixze to her for offending her, without going back on your request to be called Mrs... and without further putting down her parenting abilities. Could be tricky, but it will be worth it in the long run. Maybe a plate of cookies or something would help??

I hope it all works out for you, good neighbors are a wonderful thing!

dogluva
09-05-2007, 04:15 PM
All my kids call adults Mr. or Mrs. I have had times when an adult will tell them to call them by their first names and then I guess it is ok. However, you asked them to be called Mrs. so they should have done that.

dcforbreakfast
09-05-2007, 04:20 PM
When we were little we always said Mr. or Mrs. but it seems kids don't do that anymore. Mrs. might make me feel old! Ha! I let the kids call me by my first name and all the adults around here seem to do the same. Even our older lady neighbor wants the kids to call her by her first name. I think everyone is probably different, but first names are the norm in my neighborhood.

taximomfor4
09-05-2007, 04:26 PM
My kids are taught to call an adult whatever that adult asks to be called. Some of my really good friends, they call by first names. Some of my friends are "Ms. ___" (insert first name).

Growing up, I was definitely NOT allowed to call adults by their first name. My best friend's mom was ALWAYS "Mrs ____" (insert last name). Now that we are adults, I don't know what to call her anymore.

I hate, detest, and completely dislike being called "mrs" or "ms" ANYTHING by kids I see all the time. Don't know why...just don't like it AT ALL.

Probably, that mom feels defensive now. I personally wouldn't try to teach another person's child manners... reminding the child "I prefer to be called ___" is as far as I'd go.

Now, perhaps just talk to the mom about your preference, and maybe throw in an apology for "potentially hurting her feelings." Good neighbors are a blessing!!

pumpkin5156
09-05-2007, 05:30 PM
I always had to say Mr or Mrs, and we will teach our kids the same thing (my son is 1). But as a former teacher, all my students were required to call every adult Mr or Mrs.

As for your situation, I think it better to have a life-long good neighbor than a tiff about being called a certain name. If the kids are somehow disrespecting you, then that is another thing, but if they simply are not calling you something you want to be called, I think we shall "let kids be kids." :) I agree with the plate of cookies idea. Better to go the extra mile even if you did nothing wrong :) Good Luck!

eliza61
09-05-2007, 05:35 PM
I always had to say Mr or Mrs, and we will teach our kids the same thing (my son is 1). But as a former teacher, all my students were required to call every adult Mr or Mrs.

As for your situation, I think it better to have a life-long good neighbor than a tiff about being called a certain name. If the kids are somehow disrespecting you, then that is another thing, but if they simply are not calling you something you want to be called, I think we shall "let kids be kids." :) I agree with the plate of cookies idea. Better to go the extra mile even if you did nothing wrong :) Good Luck!

I'm baking as we post. I'll try to explain my request, I still don't want them to call me by my first name but she is a very nice young lady and if any thing I like to set a decent example for my teens. I always tell them to fess up if they hurt some ones feelings so time for me to eat some crow myself. ;)

NotUrsula
09-05-2007, 05:57 PM
Bring over the cookies and tell her the truth; that being on a first-name basis with a kid just makes you feel uncomfortable. Make a crack about being an old fart, but make it clear that it really is not all right with you.

Honestly, you may want to consider suggesting the "Southern Compromise" if you can tolerate that. (That being the use of "Miss Firstname", rather than "Mrs. Surname" or just first name only.) I grew up in the South, so it's natural to me, but I do like that it strikes a compromise between formality and respect. It is clear who is the adult and who is the child, but it doesn't feel as stiff. (Of course, I have a really hard-to-pronounce family name; my immigrant mother was quite relieved to let children call her Miz Firstname, once she understood what it meant. At first the "Miss" part dismayed her; she thought that children didn't understand that she was married, but it isn't literal, just easier to say.)

Whosemom
09-05-2007, 06:11 PM
I have a good friend with matching-age kids with mine. They live about an hour away, so we don't see them all that often. Anyway, when the kids started talking we discussed it and decided to be "miss first name". Then last year (oldest kids are 11, youngest 6) she says, "its Mrs. last name" a little offended like my kids had done something wrong. Yikes. Its ok. and she explained she saw too much distrepsect in the neighborhood, and this was one way to address it. Which is totaly fine - I hear them notching up to last names with other parents who don't care, too. I guess in my eyes its once they hit school age is a good time to switch.

abcboys
09-05-2007, 06:21 PM
I think a child calling me Mrs. Last Name would make me feel old. It does not bother me if a child calls me by my first name. I work in a church nursery and if they call me MS. First name that is fine. At preschool they go by Ms. First Name and regular school they go by Mrs. Last Name. So that is the way I address them also. I would just prefer my kids friends call me by my first name.

abcboys
09-05-2007, 06:22 PM
Yes, I think having the neighbor kids calling you by Mrs. Last Name is a little old fashioned and uptight. Unless you are their teacher.

teresajoy
09-05-2007, 06:26 PM
I'm baking as we post. I'll try to explain my request, I still don't want them to call me by my first name but she is a very nice young lady and if any thing I like to set a decent example for my teens. I always tell them to fess up if they hurt some ones feelings so time for me to eat some crow myself. ;)

:hug: I hope all goes well. Who can stay offended with a plate of cookies in front of them? :confused3

1of6
09-05-2007, 07:02 PM
I hope the cookies go over well. Around here the norm seems to be Ms. or Mr. (first name) until upper elementary and then it changes to Mrs. or Mr. (last name.)

Lizzy2
09-05-2007, 07:03 PM
I'm an oldfashioned Southern girl, and we always say "Miss SallySue" if its someone our parents are good friends with or "Mrs.Jones" if they are not. If your parents are super-good friends with someone,ie. best friends, you might say "Aunt SallySue" if you are invited to do so by the adult in question. For example, my BFF's kids call me "Auntie Lizzy2" and my DD calls her "Auntie" as well. My close friends when growing up called each others parents "Mom" and "Pop" but my DH's family thinks this is weird so I'm sure its not a common practice. This is how I'm raising my DD so I don't think you're out of the loop at all.

ampc3
09-05-2007, 07:16 PM
We are origianlly from the midwest where it is common to call adults "mr/mrs last name" then we moved to the south and EVERYONE here is "Miss/Mr first name" except in elementary school than it is for sure last names etc..

It struck me as very informal at first, but now I like it, and HATE to be called "mrs last name" from the kids... I like the "Ms first name" I would not like to be called just my first name tho from a child.. I think they do need to learn respect with the titles of Mrs/Mr etc.. IMHO...

I am sure if you make a joke out of it and explain how uncomfortable it made you, your neighbor will respect your wishes.

tonilea
09-05-2007, 07:20 PM
Don't know the norms for your area but around here the kids call us MS "First name". This is not how I was raised but it seems to be the norm (at least in my neighborhood) and I kind of like the informality of it, moms are MS..., dads are Mr.....

This is the norm here too.

GoinToDisney
09-05-2007, 07:25 PM
I grew up addressing my parents friends by first name and people who weren't as close by last names. First names are more common around here, but I still have my dd address older neighbors by Mr. or Mrs. X, unless they request otherwise. If they are my age and we are close, then it dd3 says X's Mommy/Daddy or first names.
I taught preschool, and in private preschools, it's usually Miss First Name. I was a bit uncomfortable at first, but got used to it. As a public school teacher, I was Mrs. Last Name. At school, I expect that respect because I am an authority. I never had a problem with my students knowing my first name, but still expected them to address me with respect, using my last name.
I guess when kids address me by my last name, it signals to me that I am "on duty" so to speak from being in the classroom. However, I am not an authority over my friends' kids in most situations. I am the type to leave the parenting to the parents when I can, so I would rather play the friend role to their kids. For me, that just feels more normal if they address me by my first name. I would never let my dd address an adult by first name unless they indicated that it was OK, though. I hope it went over well.

heart4princephillip
09-05-2007, 07:32 PM
Warning - stepping on a soapbox

Any manners book would explain that a younger person should always address an adult as Mr., Mrs. or Ms. unless that adult gives them permission to do otherwise.
Do not feel bad about expecting such manners from any child...even your neighbor. I personally feel that manners in young people have slipped so much (I see it all the time among my childrens' classmates), and you should take it as a compliment that someone would call you old-fashioned because you still practice the fine art.
I am constantly reminding my children that not only is it the right thing to do, but that they will shine in the eyes of adults if they remember to use their manners. Also, if they respect adults enough to use those manners, then they will recieve respect in return. This will be big when they become teenagers.

Stepping off soapbox.

thistle922
09-05-2007, 07:43 PM
Close friends, we have DS3 address them as "aunt" or "uncle". Friends, it's usually Mr/Ms First Name.

When I was a child, we always used Mr/Mrs Last name; to this day, I still call my parents neighbor "Mrs. So and So" because it just feels wrong to address her by her first name!

Good Luck, I hope that after you explain to her your feelings, she'll be a little less "cool" with you. :)

Chris
09-05-2007, 07:49 PM
I prefer to be called Chris by my kids friends. My sister on the other hand, likes to be called Mrs D...... Heck some of my kids friends call me mom!! LOL

stitchlover
09-05-2007, 08:01 PM
My daughter is a member of the Texas Girls Choir and all these girls are taught to address us only as Mrs. or Mr. last name. None of the girls are allowed to address the adults by their first name. They range from 8 years old to 18 years old. Even the director and asst. director address the parents by Mrs. and Mr. Now I find it very odd when any child addresses me by my first name. I think the formal name is a sign of respect and I fully support it!

girlsx4
09-05-2007, 08:07 PM
I prefer to be called by my first name. I always feel old when my girls friends call me "Mrs. X" I'm a young mom, too. I'm 31 and my oldest DD is 12.

reginaastralis
09-05-2007, 08:08 PM
I am teaching my two year old the same way I was taught ... Ms. First name. My bestfriends mom was and always will be Ms. Trish. She was my girl scout leader, and some of the girls thought it was funny for me to call her Ms., but it was a form of respect and always will be.

My daughter calls our neighbors "Mr. George, Ms. Barbara, and Ms. Donna."

When she's older, and she really respects her friends parents, I expect she'll call them Mom and Dad. To me, when you called someone Momma Erin, you know they are special.

My sister is nine, and I get onto her b/c she doesn't speak with respect to adults. I can't correct her b/c she's only my sister, but it drives me nuts. If she was the neighbor girl, I would explain to the parent that I wanted her to call me Ms. Amanda, I don't think you are asking for much.

EMom
09-05-2007, 08:26 PM
To be blunt, no matter what the custom of the area is, if the OP prefers to be called Mrs. Last Name, then the mother should respectfully teach her children to call use that term. End of.

It sounds as if the OP made it clear (at first in a subtle way) that she wanted to be called Mrs. Last Name, and that didn't work. So she continued to drop the hint and THAT didn't take either. When the children's mother finally asked WHY the OP wanted to be called Mrs. Last Name, the OP told her. Maybe the mother didn't like the answer, but after all......she did ask the question. Perhaps the OP could have been a bit more subtle and said she felt more comfortable/preferred/was used to being called Mrs. Last Name, but let's face it.....subtlety had NOT worked with these folks thus far. It's not as if the OP told the mother she was raising a pack of heathens. She simply said being called Mrs. Last Name was how she was taught and the way she preferred. A fair percentage of Americans would agree with her, so the answer couldn't have been a shocker.

Around here, Miss First Name is the norm. I was a teacher before I became a mom and I was bug-eyed when I first heard this about 12 years ago from the neighborhood kids. (Not from my students.) I would have NEVER have called an adult by their first name. But I got used to it and now all my DD's friend's call me Miss First Name.....except when they're calling me "DD's mom." :lmao: But if I wanted to be called Mrs. Last Name, I'd expect that to be respected.

I still choke every time my MIL insists I call her by her first name. :rotfl2: In my family, we call our MILs "Mrs. Last Name." Even when we like them. :rotfl: They can be our MIL for 50 years and they're still Mrs. Last Name. When I married DH and I called her Mrs. Last Name, she asked me what my SIL called my mother. I said, "Mrs. Last Name." She said, What about the other SIL?" I told her that one called my mother Mrs. Last Name too. She asked what my mother had called her MIL. Yep.....you guessed it....Mrs. Last Name. It works for us. :thumbsup2

So I just look at her when I talk and use no name at all. :laughing: In my family, it would be disrespectful to call your MIL by her first name, but my MIL wants a buddy. (Yet she doesn't want to be friendly. :scared1: ) I compromised by just looking at her to talk (and using no name), which doesn't make her uncomfortable by me calling her Mrs. Last Name and doesn't make me uncomfortable by calling her First Name.

Anyway, the baked goods and an apology are reasonable, but I'd stop that apology in its tracks if she gives you any attitude. The proper response to your apology should be a sincere, "Since you feel that way, I'll make sure the children call you Mrs. Last Name." It is NOT an unreasonable request.

stczt
09-05-2007, 08:31 PM
I was raised calling adults Mr. last name. but as I got older the bad manners prevailed and they became first names. I was teaching my kids to call people by first names and one of my close friends corrected my kids and asked to be called Miss Dwanna that didn't work she became "Auntie nona" And my dd still calls her that and many years have passed. So we started calling everyone Miss first name. Unless told otherwise. I hate when kids call me Mrs. Spencer I let them know call me Ms. Sherry. I do afterschool care and on the first day the teachers who are all called Mr. or Ms. Last name asked me what to I wanted to be called. They had started Mrs. Spencer I changed that quick.

McKelly
09-05-2007, 08:50 PM
I don't like it that my kid's friends call me by my first name either. I prefer to be called Ms. Last Name. But, I seem to be in the minority around here, so I decided to pick my battles and let it go.

But going into my refrigerator without permission to help yourself is bad manners, which is a battle I do still fight!! My own kids ask me before they take something!! Kids are sure different nowadays, I would have NEVER said or done the things kids do now!!

EMom
09-05-2007, 08:55 PM
I don't like it that my kid's friends call me by my first name either. I prefer to be called Ms. Last Name. But, I seem to be in the minority around here, so I decided to pick my battles and let it go.

But going into my refrigerator without permission to help yourself is bad manners, which is a battle I do still fight!! My own kids ask me before they take something!! Kids are sure different nowadays, I would have NEVER said or done the things kids do now!!

Going into the fridge without asking??? :scared1: Only if they want to draw back a nub! :lmao:

ampc3
09-06-2007, 05:45 AM
The little girl that lives across the street from us, is always going in our fridge and pantry! it drives me nuts, my own kids can of course open those things, but do need permission to "help" them selves!
I am always bringing her places with us (she is starved for attention , but that is another issue)and never says please or thank you! Kids learn most of their manners at home and from their parents..

So whether a child calls you by your first or last name, I see nothing wrong with it as long as they have that title in front...

WildGrits
09-06-2007, 06:15 AM
I said, nicely call me Mrs. X. Whenever the kids see me they will speak and say hello using my first name, so I always simply say "Mrs X".

Am I that out of the loop?

Whether you are out of the loop or not, if you request to be addressed in a certain manner, it is impolite to be questioned.

Depending on who personally close people are to my family dictates whether there is a Miss at the front of their name or not. For example, during a Girl Scout meeting, I am Miss Melissa. But some of those same girls would call me Melissa outside of Scouts.

I think that maybe it is a cultural thing.

dcforbreakfast
09-06-2007, 06:20 AM
We have a child in our neighborhood who used to come over all the time but it's since dropped off because I cannot handle the meltdowns. The child is the same age as my son so it was so convenient for them to play together. My son does not really have hissy fits (he'll whine for a few minutes, but that's about it) so I am not used to her fits. One time she flipped out so much she broke one of my son's toys on purpose. That was kind of it for him and me.

However, there is another child in the neighborhood who has impeccable manners and I'm always very impressed by him. I can't imagine what teachers go through.

Gretchen
09-06-2007, 07:23 AM
Get the flamethrowers...
Are you kidding me??? Anyone who would get offended by someone over something so trivial is just silly. Manners are manners. Plain and simple. Adults should be addressed as Mr. or Mrs, or Miss. It should then be up to the adult being addressed to say something to the effect; you may call me (insert first name or Miss first name, whatever) if it's ok with your parents. Up here where I live, I have kids calling me by my first name, or Mrs. and my last name. My only request is that you don't call me Miss Gretchen. Ugh...I am not a dance teacher. But, I'm not going to get all offended and expect you to bake cookies for me.
Really, people just need to get over themselves. I hope it works out for you with the neighbor. Just remember, everyone doesn't have to be your best friend.
Rant officially over....:thumbsup2
Have a great day!
Gretchen

nuzmom
09-06-2007, 07:35 AM
We teach our children that they address adults as Mr./Mrs./Miss LAST name. We believe that it reflects a level of respect. I have to admit that there are times when an adult will say, oh, that's ok, just call me "first name". We politely say, we don't allow them to do so.

We've also told our children that if they don't know what to call a parent of a child they meet, just say "xxx's mom" or "xxx's dad".

Personally, I just cringe when a CHILD calls me by my first name. I am NOT their friend - friends call friends by their first names. I don't mind "miss first name", but I prefer to be "mrs. last name". I do not correct what they say, but DH and I refer to other adults (and each other) as Mr./Mrs./Miss last name when we're talking to the child and we introduce ourselves as we want addressed.

While coaching, I think "coach first name" is ok (still prefer Mr./Mrs./Miss last name).

I don't understand not wanting to be call Mr./Mrs./Miss last name. It is not a matter of being "old", it's a matter of being the ADULT. I'm a firm believer that calling adults by their first names fuels a lack of respect for adults.

We actually had a principal at our local high school being referred to as "uncle Freddie" according to his wishes. The school ended up having major discipline problems. Go figure.

MindyLuvsMickey
09-06-2007, 07:37 AM
Our son just turned 3 and we have been teaching him to call adults by Mr. and Mrs. There are exceptions, like for very close friends, but otherwise . . . it's Mr. or Mrs.

That's the way that DH and I were raised. Teach respect early.

We have neighbor kids that call us by our first names and that's perfectly fine. Even as a teacher, I've had kiddo's call me Miss (first name). I just want OUR son to show a bit more respect.

PollyannaMom
09-06-2007, 07:46 AM
Around here, upper teachers are Mr./Mrs./Dr. Last Name, and preschool teachers are Miss First Name, but I've noticed the neighborhoods vary greatly. -

Mine is very informal and family-like, and all the kids call their "other moms" by first name (and the one grandparent-age couple was Mr. & Mrs. Last Name.)

But two of DS's friends have mothers who like the more formal way, and I just explained to him to call them Mrs. Last Name because that was the rule in their neighborhood. I wasn't offended at all, and he went along with it fine.(I think it was more weird for him to hear ME called Mrs. Last Name that anything else!)

It's too bad your neighbor was bothered, but I'm sure she'll get over it. - As someone said, how can you stay mad with a mouthful of cookie?

ampc3
09-06-2007, 07:48 AM
Get the flamethrowers...
Are you kidding me??? Anyone who would get offended by someone over something so trivial is just silly. Manners are manners. Plain and simple. Adults should be addressed as Mr. or Mrs, or Miss. It should then be up to the adult being addressed to say something to the effect; you may call me (insert first name or Miss first name, whatever) if it's ok with your parents. Up here where I live, I have kids calling me by my first name, or Mrs. and my last name. ][U]My only request is that you don't call me Miss Gretchen[/UUgh...I am not a dance teacher. But, I'm not going to get all offended and expect you to bake cookies for me.
Really, people just need to get over themselves. I hope it works out for you with the neighbor. Just remember, everyone doesn't have to be your best friend.
Rant officially over....:thumbsup2
Have a great day!
Gretchen


no flamethrower here, but just curious why it is ok with you that they call you by your First name, but you don't like it when they add the Ms in front?:confused3 To me adding that Ms. IS a sign of respect... :)

But totally agree that it should be up to the adult to set the record straight on how THEY prefer to be called

I loveStitchnippyjon
09-06-2007, 08:05 AM
I too was raised to refer to all adults as "Mr. or Mrs." This was just being respectful. In fact, my two daughters, now in their twenties, still call my best friend "Mrs. Jones" and her two daughters still call me "Mrs. Smith" even though they are now adults and we have all known each other for over 20 years!

And if a child has to be reminded more than once to use "Mrs" I think that their manners need some work!

flipflop
09-06-2007, 09:31 AM
If you, as an adult, have a way you'd like to be addressed then I think the parents need to have their children follow suit and respect your wishes. We grew up calling adults Mrs. Last and Mr. Lastname. There were some special, non-relative, godparents and close friends of my parents who we called Aunt Firstname or Uncle Firstname. My DH and I generally do the same with our kids. Godparents and other close friends who are not relatives are addressed as Aunt and Uncle. Our parents' friends are Mr Lastname and Mrs Lastname.
I struggle because I don't want to be Mrs. Lastname. Mrs. Lastname is my MIL (who once upon a time was my 8th grade school teacher) and it feels weird to have anyone call me by that name.

jodifla
09-06-2007, 09:54 AM
A few months ago, I got new neighbors. They are really nice people with kids. Boy about 9 and a girl 7. When she introduced me she used my first name. I said, nicely call me Mrs. X. Whenever the kids see me they will speak and say hello using my first name, so I always simply say "Mrs X". Well, 2 days ago my neighbor asked me why I did that and I told her, that they way I was taught children did not address adults by their first name.

Ever since then she has been pretty cool to me. :confused3 I don't think I insulted her and that was certainly not my intent but I still donot want a 7 year old calling me by my first name. Any way to gracefully explain? I guess I shouldn't have to but it's a great neighborhood, we all know one another and I think nowadays that's pretty rare.

My kids are teenagers so maybe things have change and kids do use address adults by their first names. Am I that out of the loop?



I think this is a pretty petty thing to be in a tiff over a neighbor about. Why are you so inflexible? Just because YOU were taught that way, doesn't mean the whole world has to go around following it.

I'd rather have a great relationship with neighbors who called me Jodi, MY NAME, than a lousy one because I feel the need to be addressed by an honorific, and felt the need to constantly correct my neighbors.


Besides, Mrs. X makes me feel 100 years old, just like M'am.

Lisa loves Pooh
09-06-2007, 10:10 AM
You have the right to be addressed in a manner that you feel comfortable.

In our homeschool group in formal settings, the kids have to use the surname. But if you are social with a mom outside of the group, the standard Miss "first name" is fine. They just don't want that carried over into the group. They go with the more formal addressing b/c some moms feel more comfortable with that and it is a sign of respect.

Proper etiquette is to NOT address someone whom you don't know well in an informal matter. Local custom prevails if that is just how things done. BUt the addressee has the right to be addressed in a manner of their choosing.


The mom in that scenario is a twit.


I think this is a pretty petty thing to be in a tiff over a neighbor about. Why are you so inflexible? Just because YOU were taught that way, doesn't mean the whole world has to go around following it.

I'd rather have a great relationship with neighbors who called me Jodi, MY NAME, than a lousy one because I feel the need to be addressed by an honorific, and felt the need to constantly correct my neighbors.


Besides, Mrs. X makes me feel 100 years old, just like M'am.

Who cares how you feel? If she wants to be called Butterfinger, that is her perogative.

BTW she was correcting the CHILDREN who obviously ratted her out to their mother b/c they were being rude. Not the adult. CHILDREN should learn to respect how an adult wishes to be treated.


FTR--I hate Mrs. _____, but I put up with it in my homeschool group. I prefer Miss Lisa.

teresajoy
09-06-2007, 10:19 AM
I am viewing this thread as just a place for us to express our different opinions, so I'm not putting down anyone elses views. My opinion is that I would rather have a NICE child who didn't call my Mrs.whatever than have a child who was NOT nice call me Mrs.whatever. I have seen so many children who are taught "manners" who are actually rude little brats. I'm not saying any of your kids are, but I've seen it a lot! I'm talking about the child who says "Excuse me" and plow right between you and someone who is talking instead of quietly walking around, the child who takes someone elses toy or money (this happened to my daughter the other day) and refuses to give it back, because, "My Daddy says I don't have to give anything back unless someone says please." The child who calls you Mr. or Mrs. but is also disrespectful and won't listen. The child who answers the phone the "proper" way stating their name and asking who you would like to talk to, but if you don't answer your phone that way, they correct YOU! I could go on, but I think you get the idea.

As I've said before, I think that it's important that a person be called what they prefer, whether or not that's Mrs.X or just Suzy. But, manners are more about caring about someone else, being respectful, nice and making other people feel comfortable than about following rigid unflexible rules.

I'm going to say it again, just for emphasis. If the OP wants to be called, Mrs.X, then THAT is what the neighbor children should call her. I just didn't agree with the manner in which she told the mother. We all say things that to us don't sound hurtful, but to other people are. Goodness knows I'm good at that! Having friendly neighbors appears to be very important to the OP, she obviously cares a lot about the people in her community.

MommyBoo!
09-06-2007, 10:22 AM
Around here, it's Miss or Mr. and our first name. It's fine with us. Using the last name feels a little too formal as we've known some of these kids for 5 or 6 years. First name only is too informal. And, some of the last names around here (ours included) are hard to pronounce. I would rather have a child address me as Miss Sue than nothing at all because he/she is uncomfortable with pronouncing my last name. Of course, sometimes, they call us by our kids name and then mom or dad. You know, like Molly's mom? But, they are all very polite, which is nice to see.

I do think that people should respect how you want to be addressed.

They use Mr/Miss/Mrs/ last names with their teachers unless the teachers request otherwise.

And, our kids call other adults by their Mr/Miss/Mrs/ last name unless the adult requests otherwise or we tell them it is ok. But, that is with new people we meet.

lulugirl
09-06-2007, 10:25 AM
We teach our children that they address adults as Mr./Mrs./Miss LAST name. We believe that it reflects a level of respect. I have to admit that there are times when an adult will say, oh, that's ok, just call me "first name". We politely say, we don't allow them to do so.


How is that teaching your children respect? I think every adult should choose how they wish to be addressed, whether it's Mrs. Last name, Miss first name
or just "first name". I find it quite rude that you would disregard the adults preferences in favor of your own.
I have taught my Dd to ask any new adult what she should call them, IMO that is displaying consideration and respect for the adult.
I think people are way too hung up on formalities, respect is how you treat someone not necessarily how you address them.
JMO

ujpest_doza
09-06-2007, 10:31 AM
Calling someone Mr so and so or Mrs so and so is terribly formal and old fashioned and if someones kids called me Mr so and so i'd feel really old.

To be honest i know very few of our neighbours surnames but do know nearly all of their first names and its the first names the kids all use.

The only person in our street who introduced herself as Mrs so and so when we first moved here was very very old and a real busy body who whinged and moaned about everything.

The teachers at the kids school are all known as Mr/Miss/Mrs whatever though.

nessz79
09-06-2007, 10:55 AM
Personally, I prefer to go by first names with kids in an informal environment.

I am also a high school teacher and I go by Mrs. __________. If a student called me by the first name (and not just a one time joke sort of thing), it would be disrespectful.

But at home, my kids call most other adults (other than their teachers) by their first names.

Minnie824
09-06-2007, 12:13 PM
Everyone has their own view on what to be called. Alot of our neighbors use the Ms. {firstname}. Preschool teachers did the same. DD is now in kindergarten and they use Mrs. {lastname}. For what my DDs call other parents, usually I tell them w/firstname unless specified. If another parent wants to be addressed with lastname, I would have no problem with that. For me personally, I don't have a preference. I wouldn't care if they just called me by my first name w/out the Ms or Mrs even.

jodifla
09-06-2007, 12:26 PM
You have the right to be addressed in a manner that you feel comfortable.

In our homeschool group in formal settings, the kids have to use the surname. But if you are social with a mom outside of the group, the standard Miss "first name" is fine. They just don't want that carried over into the group. They go with the more formal addressing b/c some moms feel more comfortable with that and it is a sign of respect.

Proper etiquette is to NOT address someone whom you don't know well in an informal matter. Local custom prevails if that is just how things done. BUt the addressee has the right to be addressed in a manner of their choosing.


The mom in that scenario is a twit.




Who cares how you feel? If she wants to be called Butterfinger, that is her perogative.

BTW she was correcting the CHILDREN who obviously ratted her out to their mother b/c they were being rude. Not the adult. CHILDREN should learn to respect how an adult wishes to be treated.


FTR--I hate Mrs. _____, but I put up with it in my homeschool group. I prefer Miss Lisa.



Why is this a "right?" Don't think I see it in the Constitution anywhere.

She can ask, but there is simply no obligation for her neighbors -- even the kids -- to kowtow to her demands.

And again, I'd rather have a good relationship with my neighbor than make a mountain out of a molehill like this.

dogluva
09-06-2007, 01:22 PM
I prefer to be called by my first name. I always feel old when my girls friends call me "Mrs. X" I'm a young mom, too. I'm 31 and my oldest DD is 12.

I was married at 20 and started teaching at 22. I have never felt "old" when kids call me Mrs._________. It is respectful. I teach my children to call all adults by Mr. or Mrs. Even my 19 year old. I am 40 and I am far from old regardlessl of what I am called. I guess I am used to it being a teacher.

Lisa loves Pooh
09-06-2007, 03:43 PM
Why is this a "right?" Don't think I see it in the Constitution anywhere.

She can ask, but there is simply no obligation for her neighbors -- even the kids -- to kowtow to her demands.

And again, I'd rather have a good relationship with my neighbor than make a mountain out of a molehill like this.

I wasn't aware we were going to bring constitutional law into this.:rotfl2:


Your post is insinuating she has no right to be called what she wants--I challenge you to find the legal support for that as well.:rolleyes:


Whatever--sounds like the neighbor did precisely what you are describing--making mountains out of molehills. What difference does it make except that she can't teach her kids simple manners and that some folks do not like to be addressed informally.


I hope you are raising your children better than that. I didn't realize that someone preferring to be addressed a certain way equaled an unreasonable "demand".:rolleyes:


Sounds like the jerk I got on a phonecall for work one time. He got pissy b/c I was calling him Mr. _______. He told me to stop being so formal. I said "I'm sorry, sir." and he flew off the handle. I'm not using my job b/c he wants to be so casual and thinks getting pissy about it will change how I address him. 1 out of 1000 customers---I would guess that HE is the one making mountains out of molehills.:laughing:

nuzmom
09-06-2007, 04:08 PM
How is that teaching your children respect? I think every adult should choose how they wish to be addressed, whether it's Mrs. Last name, Miss first name
or just "first name". I find it quite rude that you would disregard the adults preferences in favor of your own.
I have taught my Dd to ask any new adult what she should call them, IMO that is displaying consideration and respect for the adult.
I think people are way too hung up on formalities, respect is how you treat someone not necessarily how you address them.
JMO

It's teaching respect because they call their FRIENDS by their first name. Using Mr./Mrs./Miss is setting those adults apart and different from friends.

The comments like "I find it rude that you would disregard the adults preferences in favor of your own" just get me. Sounds like you're saying that we're ignoring your "preferences", but it's ok for you to ignore ours? Come on. It's not like we're telling our kids to call you a name that isn't yours! We're just teaching them to use a "more formal" way of addressing ADULTS.

Why are we ok with calling teachers by Mr./Mrs./Miss? Because it's showing them a level of respect and authority. Why are parents so afraid of hearing something that indicates that same level of respect and authority?

Deep down, I believe there are mainly 2 reasons. First, seems like many adults have a hang up about being reminded that they're "old". Yeah, "old" as in "not a kid anymore". The other is that many adults WANT to be "friends" with the kids and not viewed as an authority figure. The Mr./Mrs./Miss is a reminder that they should be the "adults" and not the kids.

eliza61
09-06-2007, 04:15 PM
I think this is a pretty petty thing to be in a tiff over a neighbor about. Why are you so inflexible? Just because YOU were taught that way, doesn't mean the whole world has to go around following it.

I'd rather have a great relationship with neighbors who called me Jodi, MY NAME, than a lousy one because I feel the need to be addressed by an honorific, and felt the need to constantly correct my neighbors.


Besides, Mrs. X makes me feel 100 years old, just like M'am.

Because I don't like children calling me by my first name. My nieces and nephews are not allowed to do it. How would it be if I started calling some one by a name they didn't like. It makes me uncomfortable. That's reason enough. It's not about how I was raised.

eliza61
09-06-2007, 04:18 PM
Why is this a "right?" Don't think I see it in the Constitution anywhere.
She can ask, but there is simply no obligation for her neighbors -- even the kids -- to kowtow to her demands.

And again, I'd rather have a good relationship with my neighbor than make a mountain out of a molehill like this.


Peeing on the street is not in the constitution but we don't go around doing that either.

ujpest_doza
09-06-2007, 04:21 PM
Because I don't like children calling me by my first name. My nieces and nephews are not allowed to do it. How would it be if I started calling some one by a name they didn't like. It makes me uncomfortable. That's reason enough. It's not about how I was raised.

What on earth do they call you if they aren't allowed to use your first name?

Fair enough if you insist on Aunty Agnes or Aunty mary rather than just Agnes or Mary, but come on they're your blood relations and you "don't allow" them to call you by your given name?

Do you not like your christian name or something?

EMom
09-06-2007, 04:28 PM
What difference does it make except that she can't teach her kids simple manners and that some folks do not like to be addressed informally.

I hope you are raising your children better than that. I didn't realize that someone preferring to be addressed a certain way equaled an unreasonable "demand".:rolleyes:

Sounds like the jerk I got on a phonecall for work one time. He got pissy b/c I was calling him Mr. _______. He told me to stop being so formal. I said "I'm sorry, sir." and he flew off the handle. I'm not using my job b/c he wants to be so casual and thinks getting pissy about it will change how I address him. 1 out of 1000 customers---I would guess that HE is the one making mountains out of molehills.:laughing:

Amen to that! You probably said, "sir" out of habit, because it is how you were taught.

It is not as if the OP demanded to be called "Your Supreme Highness, Oh Most Noble Queen of the Realm." She merely wanted to be addressed as Mrs. Last Name, which, despite what many posters believe, is NOT out of the ordinary. MANY adults.....and not just the OLD ones.....prefer this term. It is not going to make a child's tongue explode to say "Mrs. Last Name" and it will do them a world of good to be taught that not everyone in life is to be addressed casually. (Perhaps these are the same children who grew up to wear flip flops to an invitation-only White House event and had no idea flip flops really weren't that appropriate for such an occasion. :lmao: )

This may come as a shock to some, but not everything in life is casual. It's not all crocs, shorts, tank tops, first names, canned drinks and baseball caps. I see so many children growing up not being taught that there is a time and place for everything. When I see someone go to a funeral in shorts and a t-shirt and I know full well they own appropriate clothing, I nearly choke. Show some respect. Not every event is casual. Some of these kids are going to grow up thinking it's okay to go to a job interview dressed as if they were going to McDonald's for a Big Mac. (Actually, it's already happening. I read an article the other day by HR people that hit the nail on the head. It basically said, "They don't have a clue.")

And what is wrong with maam and sir? Again, it shows respect. Respect is a GOOD thing, not an insult. I have certainly taught DD to say those terms and she gets compliments from her teachers for using them. My nieces and nephews use them and I appreciate it. It goes without saying that my parents taught us to use them as well. If a child calls me maam, I don't feel old. I think to myself, "Their parents have taken some effort to teach them manners. How nice."

I don't want to be the friend of the children. They have friends. I'll be friend-LY, but there is a difference. I am okay with being called Miss First Name for now, but if I wanted to be called Mrs. Last Name, I'd expect to be called that out of respect.

I think it's very generous of the OP to bake cookies for Little Miss Miffed. VERY generous.....especially since she has NOTHING to apologize for. She is doing the neighborly thing and going the extra mile to try and mend relations. As I said, if the neighbor is the least bit snippy when OP tries to approach her, I'd take those cookies home and call it a day.

EMom
09-06-2007, 04:32 PM
It's teaching respect because they call their FRIENDS by their first name. Using Mr./Mrs./Miss is setting those adults apart and different from friends.

Why are we ok with calling teachers by Mr./Mrs./Miss? Because it's showing them a level of respect and authority. Why are parents so afraid of hearing something that indicates that same level of respect and authority?

Deep down, I believe there are mainly 2 reasons. First, seems like many adults have a hang up about being reminded that they're "old". Yeah, "old" as in "not a kid anymore". The other is that many adults WANT to be "friends" with the kids and not viewed as an authority figure. The Mr./Mrs./Miss is a reminder that they should be the "adults" and not the kids.

I think you have hit the nail on the head......maam. :thumbsup2

heart4princephillip
09-06-2007, 04:36 PM
:rotfl: Peeing on the street is not in the constitution but we don't go around doing that either.

wilderness01
09-06-2007, 04:49 PM
To be blunt, no matter what the custom of the area is, if the OP prefers to be called Mrs. Last Name, then the mother should respectfully teach her children to call use that term. End of.

It sounds as if the OP made it clear (at first in a subtle way) that she wanted to be called Mrs. Last Name, and that didn't work. So she continued to drop the hint and THAT didn't take either. When the children's mother finally asked WHY the OP wanted to be called Mrs. Last Name, the OP told her. Maybe the mother didn't like the answer, but after all......she did ask the question. Perhaps the OP could have been a bit more subtle and said she felt more comfortable/preferred/was used to being called Mrs. Last Name, but let's face it.....subtlety had NOT worked with these folks thus far. It's not as if the OP told the mother she was raising a pack of heathens. She simply said being called Mrs. Last Name was how she was taught and the way she preferred. A fair percentage of Americans would agree with her, so the answer couldn't have been a shocker.


Anyway, the baked goods and an apology are reasonable, but I'd stop that apology in its tracks if she gives you any attitude. The proper response to your apology should be a sincere, "Since you feel that way, I'll make sure the children call you Mrs. Last Name." It is NOT an unreasonable request.


I completely agree. I think the neighbor should perhaps be apologizing a bit to you as she gave you attitude. So you can't disagree with her, but she can with you with attitude and being new to the neighborhood. Ought to be an interesting situation if something ever serious pops up. Wonder if she is defensive about everything?

wilderness01
09-06-2007, 04:57 PM
I am viewing this thread as just a place for us to express our different opinions, so I'm not putting down anyone elses views. My opinion is that I would rather have a NICE child who didn't call my Mrs.whatever than have a child who was NOT nice call me Mrs.whatever. I have seen so many children who are taught "manners" who are actually rude little brats. I'm not saying any of your kids are, but I've seen it a lot! I'm talking about the child who says "Excuse me" and plow right between you and someone who is talking instead of quietly walking around, the child who takes someone elses toy or money (this happened to my daughter the other day) and refuses to give it back, because, "My Daddy says I don't have to give anything back unless someone says please." The child who calls you Mr. or Mrs. but is also disrespectful and won't listen. The child who answers the phone the "proper" way stating their name and asking who you would like to talk to, but if you don't answer your phone that way, they correct YOU! I could go on, but I think you get the idea.

As I've said before, I think that it's important that a person be called what they prefer, whether or not that's Mrs.X or just Suzy. But, manners are more about caring about someone else, being respectful, nice and making other people feel comfortable than about following rigid unflexible rules.

I'm going to say it again, just for emphasis. If the OP wants to be called, Mrs.X, then THAT is what the neighbor children should call her. I just didn't agree with the manner in which she told the mother. We all say things that to us don't sound hurtful, but to other people are. Goodness knows I'm good at that! Having friendly neighbors appears to be very important to the OP, she obviously cares a lot about the people in her community.

But the neighbor asked her why. I firmly believe in "if you ask, be prepared for the answer." I think it was rude of a new neighbor/basically a stranger, questioning the OP's belief system. So again, it is ok for the new neighbor to get her undies in a bunch, but the OP should not about her belief system. Sounds like a double standard to me. To be respected you have to give respect. This goes both ways. I wouldn't really worry about being too friendly with this new neighbor if she is going to get all pissy about asking a question and then getting an answer. Come to think of it, I would be keeping the cookies for my own family and let her just get over her feelings. Politeness goes both ways and she was impolite to question you after you made it clear on several occasions what you preferred to be called.

lulugirl
09-06-2007, 05:03 PM
The comments like "I find it rude that you would disregard the adults preferences in favor of your own" just get me. Sounds like you're saying that we're ignoring your "preferences", but it's ok for you to ignore ours?

Not at all.
If you want my child to address you as Mrs.Last name then that's how she will address you, it would be rude not to. I respect your desire to be addressed that way.
What I don't understand is if I would like to be called "first name" why not have the same respect? Essentially you are teaching your child to disregard another adults preference.
Bottom line, I think an adult should decide how they would like people to address them.

eliza61
09-06-2007, 05:12 PM
Happy ending:

I saw my neighbor and gave her my peace offering (toll house ice cream sandwiches). I apologized for offending her and told her that wasn't my intent.
She apologized saying that she was feeling like a bad mother because 2 of her little girl's playmates moms also did not like being address by their first name and her MIL also thought it was rude. So she was feeling a little beat up on.

eliza61
09-06-2007, 05:16 PM
What on earth do they call you if they aren't allowed to use your first name?

Fair enough if you insist on Aunty Agnes or Aunty mary rather than just Agnes or Mary, but come on they're your blood relations and you "don't allow" them to call you by your given name?

Do you not like your christian name or something?

Sorry, I meant that they cannot call me just by my first name. They called me Aunt Eliza, not just Eliza. My kids call their mom Auntie Barb, not "Barbara". My kids would have serious problems if they walk into my sisters house and said Hey barbara as if they were best friends.

mandysbus
09-06-2007, 07:46 PM
I think that times have changed...When I was growing up all adults were Mr. Mrs. Ms. last name....teachers, friends parents, everyone. Were I'm living now the kids around address the adults by first names which I found odd at first but it grows on you. And I think it is easier for me in the long run since my Sig. other and I are not married therefore not sharing a last name and that might be confusing to some of the the younger kids (DS has dad's last name). And I have one little girl down the street that calls me Mrs. Cassidy's mom (which I find amusing to say the least)

mjantz
09-06-2007, 08:06 PM
It's teaching respect because they call their FRIENDS by their first name. Using Mr./Mrs./Miss is setting those adults apart and different from friends.

The comments like "I find it rude that you would disregard the adults preferences in favor of your own" just get me. Sounds like you're saying that we're ignoring your "preferences", but it's ok for you to ignore ours? Come on. It's not like we're telling our kids to call you a name that isn't yours! We're just teaching them to use a "more formal" way of addressing ADULTS.

Why are we ok with calling teachers by Mr./Mrs./Miss? Because it's showing them a level of respect and authority. Why are parents so afraid of hearing something that indicates that same level of respect and authority?

Deep down, I believe there are mainly 2 reasons. First, seems like many adults have a hang up about being reminded that they're "old". Yeah, "old" as in "not a kid anymore". The other is that many adults WANT to be "friends" with the kids and not viewed as an authority figure. The Mr./Mrs./Miss is a reminder that they should be the "adults" and not the kids.

I personally don't like 'Mrs._________ for 2 reasons. First, it reminds me of my MIL & our relationship is not the best. Second, I find it too formal. If I'm going to a big reception or some big shindig, then yes, by all means, refer to me as 'Mrs._________.' However, if its just my friends kid Kyle asking if he can have a glass of water, Mrs FirstName is just fine.

Personally, I find that Ma'am or Sir convey more respect in my mind then Mrs. LastName. AFA teachers, a teaching setting is IMO, more formal than the numerous social events where I come in contact with most of my friends children. I have students whose parents I socialize with. I would be OK with them either calling me Mrs. LastName at school & outside of school or having them call me Mrs. LastName in school & Mrs. FirstName out of school.

Also, if you said 'This is Mrs. LastName' & I said it was OK for your children to call me Mrs. FirstName, I'd probably still let them call me Mrs. LastName if you insisted but I wouldn't like it.

EMom
09-06-2007, 10:26 PM
Happy ending:

I saw my neighbor and gave her my peace offering (toll house ice cream sandwiches). I apologized for offending her and told her that wasn't my intent.
She apologized saying that she was feeling like a bad mother because 2 of her little girl's playmates moms also did not like being address by their first name and her MIL also thought it was rude. So she was feeling a little beat up on.

:cloud9: Ooooooh......Why can't I have her MIL? :lmao: :rotfl: :rotfl2: I could have escaped YEARS of my MIL harassing me to call her by her first name. :headache: :sad2: :eek: I couldn't do that under the best of circumstances, and let's just say.....it's not the best of circumstances. :scared1:

Whosemom
09-06-2007, 10:27 PM
Maybe we live in a more old fashioned area, but one of the local teachers that goes to our church told the kids they could call her Miss Firstname at church and one kid about choked on his tongue. There was NO WAY any of them were taking her up on that. :)

brodyjen
09-06-2007, 11:36 PM
That is what we do - I like the term Southern Compromise =) My kids are generally introduced to our friends/neighbors/adults as Miss FirstName or Mister FirstName, unless it is someone of "authority", so to speak (my husband's boss would be Mr. LastName, a judge would be Judge LastName, etc), or someone we don't know well (my IL's friends would be a good example here - my DH and I call them Mr/Mrs LastName still).

WildGrits
09-07-2007, 12:31 AM
Happy ending:

I saw my neighbor and gave her my peace offering (toll house ice cream sandwiches). I apologized for offending her and told her that wasn't my intent.
She apologized saying that she was feeling like a bad mother because 2 of her little girl's playmates moms also did not like being address by their first name and her MIL also thought it was rude. So she was feeling a little beat up on.

That is so great. I'm glad you had the strength to go over there. I know for me that would have been difficult.:thumbsup2

dogluva
09-07-2007, 09:37 AM
Happy ending:

I saw my neighbor and gave her my peace offering (toll house ice cream sandwiches). I apologized for offending her and told her that wasn't my intent.
She apologized saying that she was feeling like a bad mother because 2 of her little girl's playmates moms also did not like being address by their first name and her MIL also thought it was rude. So she was feeling a little beat up on.

It took her this long to get it? I don't get it. I think you are a very nice person to bake cookies and I wish I had you for a neighbor. Please come To MA, we need more people who still believe in manners and recognize the fact the children are children and we are the adults.

JessRocks83
09-07-2007, 12:12 PM
I don't remember my mother or my grandmother ever telling me to call somebody mr. or mrs so and so. I always called my aunts and uncle- uncle and aunt whoever.
Sometimes my mother's brother I'll just call by his first name and his wife is only called Aunt when i'm talking to somebody who doesn't know my family well. My teachers were all Mr or Mrs. And my friend's parents- sometimes I'd call them mom and dad, sometimes I called mr. or mrs. and rarely did i call them by their first name unless they asked.
My mother always had my friends call her by her first name. of course they never did. As a matter of fact they avoid (to this day) calling my mother by any name other then Jessica's mom. My grandmother avoid calling my grandfather's mother anything for 35years. :rotfl2:
As for me i'm young (24) and find it very strange to have anybody adress as ms. last name. because half the time I'm still not sure what to call people. i'm happy it turned out well.

linda0706
09-07-2007, 12:48 PM
At our church we (especially children) refer to most people as Brother Firstname and Sister Firstname.

Anyway, every now & then my DD comes to work with me & sometimes gets her titles mixed up. Instead of calling my boss "Mr. Shaun" she'll call him "Brother Shaun". He gets a real kick out of it.:rotfl:

teresajoy
09-07-2007, 01:11 PM
Happy ending:

I saw my neighbor and gave her my peace offering (toll house ice cream sandwiches). I apologized for offending her and told her that wasn't my intent.
She apologized saying that she was feeling like a bad mother because 2 of her little girl's playmates moms also did not like being address by their first name and her MIL also thought it was rude. So she was feeling a little beat up on.
It was so sweet of you to go over there with the cookies. It sounds like she may need someone like you right now. It's hard when you think people are putting down the way you parent. I think you going over there and explaining that you weren't trying to put her down probably really made her feel better. I think that was a wonderful thing to do, and hopefully, she will have a talk with her kids about what they should call you. :hug:

wiggles02
09-07-2007, 03:56 PM
I teach my children to call neighbors, friends parents Mrs. or Mr. Last name unless told otherwise. When friends children are introduced to me, their parents introduce me as Mrs. Last Name. I prefer to be called by my first name and tell them it is ok to do so. Mrs. Last name makes me feel old and Mrs. last name is my MIL.

badblackpug
09-08-2007, 07:54 AM
I teach my kids the same thing.
Strangers are "sir" and "ma'am." As in asking a cast member what time the parade starts "Excuse me, ma'am, what time does the parade start?"

People whom they know, but are not close friends of the family are "Mr." or "Mrs." Lastname Such as the elderly lady that lives next door, or teachers, or the parents of friends that we are not friends with.

Close family friend are Miss or Mr. Firstname.

They are NEVER permitted to call an adult by their given name unless they are specifically invite to do so.

...as an aside my mother always preferred that my friends call her by her given name......

Minnie_me
09-08-2007, 08:12 AM
Yes, I think having the neighbor kids calling you by Mrs. Last Name is a little old fashioned and uptight. Unless you are their teacher.

My friends and I require our kids to use "Mr." and "Mrs." when addressing adults. It's a sign of respect. I still call the parents of my childhood friends Mrs. Smith and so on.

I am also a teacher in town, so it's nice that I'm not the ONLY parent being called "Mrs." by the kids in the neighborhood.

tonilea
09-08-2007, 08:36 AM
My grandmother avoid calling my grandfather's mother anything for 35years. :rotfl2:


Your DGM beat me by about 20 years. My MIL turned 60 less than a month after we married, I was 18. She was more than old enough to be my grandmother. I could never call her by her first name Louella. It just didn't seem right. Mrs. H. sounded far too formal and she wanted to be called by her first name. But, I just couldn't do it. For the most part I avoided calling her anything and usually refered t her as DH's Mom.

Since we have been blessed with a child, I finally have something to call her.... Granny Lou! :cool1: I can't tell you what a relief it was to actually be able to call her something!!!

GJM
09-08-2007, 08:41 AM
Growing up we called all of our friends parents Mr. or Mrs.

My DS when in daycare the teachers went by Ms. first name, in school they went by Ms. last name.

I tell my DS friends or my freinds with kids to call me Ms. first name, our last name is long and I could care less if they go by my first name. They don't show me any less respect and my DS doesn't show his friends parents any less respect by calling them Ms. first name.

But it is funny because in our old neighborhood the kids just called me by my lst. name and my DS called their parents by their lst. name. It never seemed liked a big deal.

My sister has been dating someone for about 8 years and my DS calls him by his lst. name, but my sisters kids also call him by his lst. name. My neices also call my DH by his lst. name and don't use Uncle in front of it, because we dated before we got married.

My DS shows the same respect to everyone regardless of how he addresses them. We have asked parents how they want to be addressed and so far everyone has said Ms. or Mr. lst. name.

EMom
09-08-2007, 03:45 PM
My grandmother avoid calling my grandfather's mother anything for 35years. :rotfl2:

:lmao: I'm right there with her! MIL insists I call her by her first name and even after all these years, I cannot do it. But she has a cat fit if I call her Mrs. Last Name, as is the custom in my family. So I just make eye contact and start talking, without using ANY name. :rotfl2:

Once my DD came along, if she asked a question that required I refer to MIL in MIL's presence, I solved that by calling her "Grandmommy." That title is a whole new thread. It was torture getting that woman to settle on a name for herself when DD had to call her something. Finally, I solved it by coming up with a HORRIBLE grandmother name that bothered her so much it forced her to come up with an alternative. :rotfl: :thumbsup2 :laughing:

FSUDisneyGirl
09-09-2007, 09:53 PM
Isn't it funny to see how this is done so differently?

During college, I taught at 2 summer camps. I was always "Miss FirstName."

Now I'm an elementary music teacher, and though I'm only 23, I am "Ms. LastName." It is a bit unnerving, but it's only 3 weeks into the school year, and I'm used to it!

When I have kids, though, I do like the "Miss FirstName" idea, after an initial meeting. Growing up, I called my parent's close friends Aunt Gloria or Uncle Bill or whatever, and I always thought it was neat. It sort of gave me a closer relationship with the adults, I think. My friend Kelly from college and I already decided that we would be "Aunt Kelly" and "Aunt Erin" to each other's kids, because our families are crazy and we wanted our kids to have normal relatives!! :rotfl:

I will say, though...I'm still not sure what to call my boyfriend's mom. We've been going out for almost 3 years, and know each other well. He calls my parents Dan and Mary, but I think his parents are more formal and I don't recall them specifically saying "Call me FirstName." So I don't really call them anything.

This is all pretty funny!