View Full Version : OT -Crying Preschooler
09-04-2007, 11:44 AM
My DS started preschool a couple of weeks ago. The first week he was fine, hich really surprised me, because he is so timid and clingy to me, which is actually the only reason I am sending him is to get him ready for Kindergarten.
I guess the new has worn off because he has started crying at school, not wanting to take a nap and now the drop offs are getting harder. I had to leave him today bawling.:sad1: It is ironic because I am an elementary teacher and i am usually the one reassuring the parents that little Billy will be fine. It breaks my heart to leave him unhappy. He is so shy and such a good kid. Any suggestions for the ones that have been there as a parent??? :sad1: :sad1: :sad1:
09-04-2007, 11:47 AM
All I can say is keep it up. It's probably harder on you than on him. But you know the payoff is going to be worth it in the end. My daughter was terribly shy and cried and clung to me. Plus, it turned out that she was having hearing problems (needed tubes) so add to the mix that she could not hear what people around her were telling her to do....
It was rough.
but as long as you know he is safe, it's the right thing to do.
It will get better as he makes a few friends.
09-04-2007, 12:16 PM
My son did this for a YEAR! Every day it would take 2 people to get him off me. I thought about pulling him out, but his teacher insisted he was fine and every time I'd go and peek in the classroom window he was fine as well. He was just playing me, for the most part. As a previous poster mention he had hearing problems too. The next year he got tubes right before school started and he was much better. Just pouted a bit.
I just dropped him off for his first day of Kindergarten and after a hug and kiss he was fine! It's hard, but it does get better!
09-04-2007, 12:21 PM
My daughter did this the whole year last year!!!! I knew she was ok after I left, just being dramatic for my benefit. She starts next week and I sincerely hope we don't have to go through this again!
09-04-2007, 12:51 PM
My DD did this for the first week of preschool last year. One thing I think that helped her is that the preschool's drop-off system was that we all stayed in our vehicles in the line and as each car pulled up one of the teachers would come and get your child out of the car. No way for them to cling to you then. Once she got used to the routine and realized she still had to go even if she cried, then she stopped crying and was fine (and the crying only lasted 10-15 minutes each of those days). On the other hand, her shyness coupled with her stubbornness created a different interesting situation that had all of the preschool teachers stumped on how to deal with it....she never once the entire school year spoke to any of the teachers or any of the kids. She did what she was supposed to do and actually talked at home of how much she liked school, but would be totally silent the entire morning at preschool. I was worried about what that was going to mean for kindergarten this year, but she walked in the first day, talked to the bus driver, talked to the teacher, talked to the other kids.....and now she will talk to anyone who speaks to her. :confused3 Not sure what changed to make her so suddenly comfortable around other people, but it's definitely a positive change.:thumbsup2 Hang in there....getting through this now will be so much better than putting it off until Kindergarten (we also only put DD in preschool to get her used to the whole going-to-school routine and after the experiences we had I'm so glad we did it!).
09-04-2007, 12:59 PM
My DD has done this in the past. Most times it was nothing...one time it was for a good reason.
When we moved and she started a new school she would cry and not want me to leave, I figured it was normal and she would get used to it. A couple of weeks went by and she started not only crying at drop off, but at night before bed she would cry because she knew she had to go to school when she woke up.
Then she would wake up in the middle of the night crying about having to go to school. She was under 2 1/2 at the time and she would never tell me WHY she didn't want to go. I personally couldn't take it anymore so I took her out of that school and found a new one.
She cried for the 1st drop off and that was it, at the new school. Then almost a year later she told me that she hated her old school because they locked her in the bathroom by herself when she would cry for her mommy, and wouldn't let her out unless she stopped.:scared1:
I'm not saying anything like this is happening in your case, but it does happen. Me, my Dh and my mom all popped in on the school at random times and never thought anythng was wrong.
She has also cried at her current school during the summer session because alot of the kids don't attend for the summer so she felt like her friends are all gone. The teacher made her a calendar and if she didn't cry at drop off, she got to put a sticker on that day. At the end of the month if she had mostly stickers, she got to pick out a treat.
09-04-2007, 01:15 PM
Count my DS in the "make Mommy feel bad" group. He started preschool at 2.5, and walked through the door without looking back once. But over the past two years there have been times when he goes through phases of clinging to me, telling me he doesn't want to go, etc. I try to be patient without "giving in." And I make the drop off as fast as possible. The more time they have to wallow the harder it can get.
It's never easy to leave a child anywhere you think they don't want to be. (And of course wouldn't we like to think they'd rather be nowhere but with us!) :-) But one week when it was particularly tough, his teacher told me to peek in the window after I left. Low and behold, the minute I was out of earshot he would skip off to play, happy as a clam!!! The little stinker. He was TOTALLY trying to play me.
Hang in there. It won't last forever. :-)
09-04-2007, 01:38 PM
Thank you so much for all of the stories. I know I'm not the only one that's gone through this and it helps to hear from others who have experienced the same thing. I never had this problem with my older son. He went in his first day of school and never looked back. I have worried all day about my little one. I can't wait to see how his day was! :confused:
09-04-2007, 01:58 PM
I too have been on both sides of this. Both my DS and DD (now 9 and 5) loved pre-school but both wept when I left them at school for the first time. My DD kept it up for about a month until she realised that by feigning illness to the teacher she could get them to call me to collect her! Wow she managed to make me look like a bad mother by asking them to keep her on the fourth attempt this happened! Eventually they realised she was working them good and proper. She has since admitted that she likes school but would rather be with her mummy and that although she likes her teacher she doesn't love her - she simply hadn't realised she wasn't meant to love the teacher as much as Mum.
I also manage a pre-school as my job, not sure if you are the same over there but pre-school is optional in the UK. Of ten new starters last term five wept during the first couple of weeks. Four settled beautifully and I always phone Mum to let her know when they have settled then she can cope with her day. Unfortunately, number five child hated it and didn't settle but screamed constantly and kept trying to leave the room. Had a long chat with Mum who stayed a while to try and settle him, didn't work at all so she decided to keep him home for a term and then try again with him. Just got that bit older, came back and loves it now!
Keep smiling, no-one said it would be easy being a parent and blimey they would have been lying if they had!
09-04-2007, 08:53 PM
I feel your pain! My 3 year old started pre-school three weeks ago and he is KILLING ME! He only goes two days a week, but he starts crying from the time he gets up until school time on pre-school days. Today was a school day and he started in crying last night, telling me to please not make him go to school. His teachers say he cries for a little bit, but then settles down. He usually cries a little around lunchtime and they tell him that mama will come get him at 2:00 and show him the clock, and he's okay then. It's so hard to leave him bawling his eyes out!
09-04-2007, 09:13 PM
There was a little boy just like this in my son's preschool class. So one day, we invited them over for lunch and play. The very next day, the boy was cheerful and excited about school. I think having a buddy gave him alot of confidence. The icing on that cake is that they became very good friends of ours and now the boys are in middle school.
09-04-2007, 09:25 PM
My son is currently in Pre-K too and I worry so much about him since he's very shy - like his momma so I know how hard it is to be introverted. The first day of school he did well but the days following he was upset to see me go. It was so hard for me to walk out of that classroom and hear him cry. I'm worrying about tomorrow since that will be his first day back since last week since he had a four day weekend. Hopefully he will be fine when I drop him off.
09-04-2007, 10:16 PM
I feel your pain. Both my boys(now 5 & 8) did that in pre-school for about 2-3 weeks. It broke my heart! What I did though was have a little after school "prize" for being a big boy and making it through school & it seemed to help after those couple of adjustment weeks.
However, I just got a phone call from my youngest's Kindergarten teacher today telling me that he cried (not just a few tears, but sobs!) all morning because he missed me! Talk about heart breaking because I thought he was doing great. We talked about it and I gave him one of my old necklaces to wear under his shirt & told him to feel the pendant & it will make him feel better when he misses me.
Also, did you ever read the kissing hand with him? That is a good book that might help too.
Give it some time & be patient--it's just one of those phases they go through. Good luck.
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