Son w/Asperger's started middle school- Update Page 6

[Luv Bunnies]

My 12 year old son has Asperger's and started middle school yesterday and I'm already frustrated! And the problem is that I started taking steps to avoid this frustration months ago (or at least I thought I did).

My son tends to be very disorganized. He doesn't write things down and he doesn't sweat details that he deems unimportant. He was OK in elementary school because he had a teacher for 4th and 5th grade who went above and beyond in trying to keep him on track. With all the class switching and additional resonsibility of middle school, I strongly felt he would need a one-on-one aide, at least for the first few months to get him into the groove. I had written recommendations from his psychologist and psychiatrist and backing from his classroom teacher and resource teacher. The special ed. director saw it differently. He told me his decision had nothing to do with money or resources, just with what the student needs. So you'd think my son's case would be a no-brainer and he would be assigned an aide with so many people in agreement. Nope, didn't happen! The resource people were supposed to take turns sitting in his class for the first 4 periods of the day and for the first 2 days of school, that didn't happen (I don't know why - the principal is checking into it).

So yesterday, my son couldn't tell me whether he needed his P.E. clothes or not. He didn't remember what the coach had said about bringing them. So, I decided to send them in his backpack just in case. He had a brand new shirt, shorts, shoes and lock in a plastic bag. He took them to P.E., only to find out he didn't need them until Monday. But, afterschool when I picked him up, the bag was nowhere to be found. He couldn't remember what he did with them after leaving the locker room. I had to try to retrace his steps with him. We tried lost and found and his homeroom. I finally went to the principal who paged the coach who didn't know where they were. I guess I barked at the principal a little and said, "This is exactly why he needs an aide!" She was part of the decision not to give him one. She didn't have much to say at that point.

We finally found them in his elective classroom next to the desk he sat in and only because that teacher happened by and said she thought there was a bag in her classroom.

My husband is ready to get a lawyer. My son is totally capable of handling the classroom work. He just really needs help with organization, focus and sometimes behavior. I think an aide is a proactive way to help him get on track. By the time the teacher has to stop the class to remind him about something, it's become a negative situation. Now my son feels bad that he lost his clothes and thinks he's stupid. He always gets down on himself when he forgets something important but it's not his fault.

Thanks for letting me vent. The other problem is that I work at another school in the district in a special ed class so the special ed director that controls resources for my son is also my boss. I'm trying to keep my job separate from the situation with my son and I hope he will too. Any advice would be appreciated.

[Forevryoung]

I am about to enter the world of "determining need" (still a masters student) and it is complex at best and horrific at worst.

I can see both sides- on one hand, it would be great for someone to stay with your son all day as a one-on-one and keep him organized and focused. But in the majority of cases, that is not what they are used for in most school districts (and in most school districts, you would not be provided a one on one for that reason). I'm not saying i agree or disagree with that, it's just the way the fight goes.

On the other hand, a one-on-one can be seen as somewhat detrimental to your son's social situation. Especially in middle school as kids get older, they will shy away from anyone who is with an adult- adults aren't "cool" and if there is one always hanging around your son, it's going to make the social scene (which is probably already difficult) worse.

Kids forget their gym clothes all the time, they lose things all the time. It's part of being a kid (I know it happens to your son more often than other kids but still that's how the school will view it).

I know you had a great rapport with his prior elementary school teacher- now is the time to develop a relationship with his new middle school teachers. In this day and age, email may be a great way to keep in touch depending on the teacher.

Here are some other suggestions I have heard from parents: put into his IEP that the teachers need to contact you by phone or email a week prior to any assignment or exam due date, while the date may change, at least you have a week heads up to assist your son.

Make sure your son has a date or agenda book of some kind to write homework down in for every class. He has to write "NONE" during class if there isn't any (so it becomes routine). You can have his teachers initial next to their class homework so that you are sure it is written correctly and your son actually wrote it down.

Have one folder for all paperwork and homework assignments- make it a bright color and tell the teacher which one it is. If something is handed out to go home, it is to go in that singular folder which remains with your son all day. That way you can check one folder when your son gets home and empty it yourself- deeming what is important and what isn't.

You and the teachers can take steps together without a one-on-one to assist your son in organization skills. If your son "needs" (in the eyes of the school) a one-on-one, the teachers he has currently will be of assistance to prove that need.

Sorry this is so long, I wish you the best of luck. It shouldn't be such a fight, it only hurts the kids in the long run.

[Luv Bunnies]

Yep, we're still trying to figure out different methods to use to keep him organized. So far in just 3 days of school, we had the lost clothes incident, 2 assignments coming home without due dates (one of which was due the next day and he didn't do it thinking it was due next week) and one assignment with a due date but no instructions other than a vague title. These are the kind of things that will keep happening. The teachers can be asked to make sure his work and dates are explained in detail, but with 36 kids in their rooms I just can't see it happening everytime.

The other problem is his classroom behavior and that's a major reason for his needing an aide. He gets bored, frustrated, blurts things out, refuses to work, etc. By the time the teacher has to stop the class to talk to him, the behavior has gone too far and it's hard to get him back on track. An aide could recognize the behavior before it elevates and help him calm down.

I told the administrators I was willing to have him share an aide with other kids who also have needs (physical, behavorial, etc.). They are plenty of kids in his grade level who need extra help. The aide wouldn't have to be hanging out with my son all the time - just be available for him and any other special ed kids who need it. It's a tough situation to be in. If I thought the teacher would be willing and able to take the time each and every day to check his organization, I would be all for it but I just don't see it happening. In our district, they always give you a good line at the IEP and half of what they said never ends up happening. My son even missed an entire year of occupational therapy because the psych insisted he was exited from the OT program when he wasn't. At the end of that year she said, "Oops, my bad, he was supposed to be getting OT." So, there's a long history that I'm dealing with. I'm trying to be positive and hoping everything is straightened out soon!

[XYSRUS]

Wow. You are living my future nightmare. My 10 yo will be in middle school next year. There is so much back and forth between classes I know he'll get lost/disorganized. Then he'll get so upset, he'll meltdown. Oh G#d. I, too will push for an aide-just til he gets the routine. We'll see. In the meantime for you I hope things get better. And don't forget-It's ALL about money. Good luck to you nad your son.

[Luv Bunnies]

Wow. You are living my future nightmare. My 10 yo will be in middle school next year. There is so much back and forth between classes I know he'll get lost/disorganized. Then he'll get so upset, he'll meltdown. Oh G#d. I, too will push for an aide-just til he gets the routine. We'll see. In the meantime for you I hope things get better. And don't forget-It's ALL about money. Good luck to you nad your son.

I hope it doesn't turn out to be a nightmare for you too! My advice is that if your foresee any problems at all for your son, start asking for help early. It can take months for the district to figure out what (if anything) they're willing to do. We started talking at his IEP in June and things still aren't settled. I heard from the resource teacher today (a Saturday!) that he's trying to get all the teachers on board to help my son keep track of homework due dates and materials he'll need at home to do the work. If this really happens, it will be a step forward. I'm still trying to stay positive. Hope things work out for your son!

[I Love Pluto]

My son (now 33) did not have the option for an aide (schools didn't do this in his generation). One very intelligent guidance counsellor paired him up with two students to be his "buddies" throughout the day. They were fantastic with him. I will be forever grateful to them.

Perhaps your son's school could arrange something like this? Good luck to you, and to your son. :goodvibes

[melomouse]

LuvBunnies -
I so feel your pain and wanted to send:hug: . My Asperger's son is 15 1/2 and got his aide in 3rd grade mid-year after his lack of coordination and rigidity had him pushing desks out of the way to get on line. The desks got pushed into one little girl. It was the day after that I pointedly addressed the Coordinator of Special Ed, who'd consistently argued against an aide, and said, "Hmmm.. sounds like without an aide, my DS might even be a danger to himself or others". :rolleyes1

His aide was in the classroom within 5 days.

[missypie]

My Aspie is now 16. His middle school had an "Inclusion Teacher." The one for 6th grade was fabulous. She was shared by all the mainstreamed kids. She went around to all of his classes and wrote down his assignments; last period she would slip into his class and they would "compare notes" and she would make sure he had written down all asignments. It worked out well. (In 7th and 8th grade it was a joke, because those inclusion teachers sat in their offices all day and never made any effort to find out what his assignments were.)

Does you district have "Notebook" or "Skyward" or any of the other programs that lets parents basically log onto the teacher's grade and assignment book? I've been lobbying for that for years and we finally got it last spring....it is fantastic, because you can see things like incompletes and chase down the homework.

Another thing our district does is to require each teacher to have a web site. They all technically do; some aren't updated, but I'd say that at least half put all of the assignments on their web sites. You might look into that.

Please continue to be the squeaky wheel!

I must admit that I had to laugh about the gym clothes. When DS was in 6th grade, he was able to buy one set of gym clothes at registration, and the other set was on back order. They were delivered the second week of school and we never saw them....they were lost immediately. Within a month after school started, of the two t-shirts and two pair of shorts we paid for, he had exactly one t-shirt left. We were just teasing him about that last night, since DD11 just started middle school yesterday.

[Schmeck]

Forevryoung has wonderful suggestions. We use many of them in our programs at the middle school level in my school district. When the kids get to the high school level, they have great organizing skills.

Students cannot be assigned to assist other students. It's not legal, it's not fair for those kids to bear that responisibilty. What happens if something goes wrong? Are the kids to be blamed? Of course there are those great kids that help out without being asked, but you can't ask a kid to constantly help another one. They tried to get my oldest daughter to assist another student in her biology class. I told her to tell them no. They constantly sat her next to this boy, and was very needy, and she couldn't get her work done.

Other student's 1-1 cannot assist with extra students. That violates the IEP. Just had a 4 hour seminar about that.

Your best bet would be to have a meeting, see if you can get his IEP changed in some way, and work with him at home as best you can. Can you give him some organizing jobs at home for practice? Make him responsible for certain things - even have him keep a folder at home with things he needs to do (make bed, check, empty dishwasher, check) to get him used to keeping a work folder.

[eliza61]

Could it be that he's not ready to be mainstreamed in middle school. This happened to my son. In elementary school, putting him in a mainstream class room worked really well. Class sizes were smaller, he wasn't the only one having meltdowns, most of the classes had aides assigned to the class. In middle school, unfortunately it was a much harder transition. First, he had to get use to changing classrooms, going to a locker, getting enough books for the 1st half of the day, etc, etc. It was just too much for my poor kid to handle. We had the IEP changed, he was put in special ed classes (same material, but they were much smaller- only 15 kids), teachers knew how to help organize the kids, etc. Now he is in the 8 th grade and back in a main streamed class. Now that he knows the routine, he can handle it a lot better. We still have some of the same problems (unorganized, easily frustrated) but he is better equiped at handling it.

[Luv Bunnies]

Wow. Thanks for all the great responses and ideas and to those who shared their own stories.

We're still struggling after 6 days of school. My son is not writing down assignments. He's not remembering the details of the assignment when there's no worksheet or assignment sheet. Our hands are tied at home when it comes to helping him with his homework since we don't know what he's supposed to be doing. Each teacher has a homework hotline that was suppose to be functioning this week. And guess what? You call the number and it just says call back next week for the homework hotline. "Next week" was supposed to be this week.

I'm now feeling like I was lied to at the IEP 2 weeks ago. The Advisory period is turning out not to be what was described by the principal in the meeting. I sent her an e-mail 2 days ago nicely asking her to explain how it's supposed to work and I still haven't received a reply (she said in the meeting that the Advisory teacher would be able to check his planner and would have access to all the other teacher's assignments - not true according to his Advisory teacher). All of his teachers were supposed to be briefed by the psych before school started and none of them were. None of the teachers know what level of support he requires. The resource aide is supposed to be devoting 4 hours a day to my son but the resource teacher told her not to go to his classrooms. Instead, he pops in a few times a day to check on him but it's not really helping. He said he's working on getting his schedule together so he can show the director that his group doesn't have 4 hours a day to devote to my son. So already the IEP is being violated.

My son is definitely capable of handling the work on an intellectual level. I've seen some of the students in the special ed class and they're a lot lower than he is. Kids are supposed to be placed in the "least restrictive environment." The special ed director said giving him an aide would be too restrictive. So putting him in special ed would definitely be too restrictive. But letting him flounder on his own isn't the answer either.

The latest news is that the principal is leaving the school - and they just announced this during the 2nd week of school? The asst principal is moving up and I actually find her to be much more approachable and personable than the current principal. I'm going to give her a call, explain the situation and see what she recommends we do. I think a meeting with all of the teachers to really explain what my son needs would do the trick. I'm hoping we can do this soon! My anxiety level can't possibly get any higher over this!!!:scared1:

[Schmeck]

Just wanted to send you pixie dust and positive vibes ~~~~ that the new principal actually 'gets it' and your son's needs are met! It sounds like you have the right tools in his IEP, the school is not following through. Is there a Special Ed. director for your school district? In my school district the principal is not the one to contact/enforce the IEP, we have a special education department to handle that.

[Forevryoung]

I definitely agree with Shmeck, that you have a propper IEP in place and if it was being followed, things would be fine- but because of school politics (eg. resource teacher) your son is being left to falter.

Can you schedule a meeting before school with everyone (teachers, resource staff, psych...) to get everyone on the same page?

Keep making those phone calls and good luck.

[missypie]

Can you schedule a meeting before school with everyone (teachers, resource staff, psych...) to get everyone on the same page?



That is what I was going to suggest. When DS was in middle school, at the beginning of each year, we would have a meeting of all of his teachers....not a formal IEP, just a meeting. We would talk about him and his strengths, weaknesses, tendencies. It was very helpful and most of the teachers were great, once they understood DS better.

One bonus is that we could see each teacher in person and read his or her attitude. For example, in 8th grade, his Albegra teacher had the attitude of "a child in a pre-AP level class should not receive any special accomodations." We could tell by her attitude at the meeting that it was up to us to made sure he succeeded, so we hired a local high school student to tutor him every single week.

Another thing that I did when DS was in middle school was to assemble a notebook of articles about Asperger's and give each teacher a copy. (Yes, I'm a bit compulsive.) Many teachers don't understand Asperger's and some have never heard of it. (I was a Special Ed. major in the late seventies in a nationally ranked program, and at that time, no one knew that Asperger's existed and autisim was so baffling that we only spent half a class period on it....so I know that if I didn't learn about AS in school, teachers my age didn't either.)

DS is in 11th grade now. I don't compile notebooks anymore, but I do email each teacher, attaching a few well chosen articles about Aspergers. I am especially worried about his Pre-Calc teacher, who apparently has a "no late homework, no extra credit, no second chances" policy. DS doesn't need a lot of accomodations these days, but he DOES need a few second chances along the way.

[missypie]

I'll add one more thought...the Special Ed staff at the school is not always your advocate or ally in these meetings. Both in 7th grade and in 8th grade, the staff trieed to ARD DS out of getting any special services. Some other staff member (e.g. the diagnostician) would always come to his defense, but often the Sp. Ed staff was unhelpful.

I think it was because DS is so smart. Lots of the special ed staff members spend their days with kids who are much more severely challenged than our sons...if you are working with a 6th grader who cannot speak to express his needs, then the parents who want their son to get special help so he can make a 95 on a test instead of an 80 are going to come off as pretty demanding.

Try to figure out who in the school - be it a special ed teacher, regular ed teacher, or administrator - is going to be on your child's side, and work with him or her.

[Hasil72]

I'm so sorry that you have to be caught in such a difficult position with your supervisor in charge of your son's modifications. I am wishing on stars for you. What about a shared aide?

I learned so much this past year about the "system". DS (just turned 8) has been classified for 4 years with Asperger's, ADHD, sensory integration disorder, and generalized anxiety disorder. His case manager was the worst. After attending a self contained pre-K for 2 years and LLD Kindergarten, they decided to mainstream him. Told me he was ready and I agreed that he needed to be with his peers to assist with the socialization issues as he tends to emulate his classmates' behaviors. Believe it ot not, they sent him with NO modifications at all. What a nightmare it was! :scared1: He was so overwhelmed that we were back at step one plus experiencing behaviors that we never had before like locking himself in the bathroom or hiding under the desk. He had the highest cognative level in the class (as a lot of ASD kids do) but was not able to cope with his surroundings enough to apply it.

Anyway, long story short, I learned that my CST was not going to offer any solutions that would imply they made a mistake. Luckily, the Principal really advocates for kids, and was able to juggle some schedules to provide DS with a "shared time" aide. Last year it was only a few days a week for maybe 2 hours at a time but this year it will be daily for 3 hours each day. And your exactly right, they provide support when needed, they can advise on appropriate behaviors/social skills, and try to prevent or at least try to conatin any potential meltdowns. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you get results quickly and hope that they don't feel they can intimidate you thinking you'll fear repercussions from your Director.

Thanks for the OP, I learn so much more from other Dis'ers than I have from all the docs and therapists. :goodvibes

[missypie]

Just remember that even if the folks at school start dreading calls from you, YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING by addressing this early in the school year. DS has a friend whose AS is much more severe than his. His parents always seem to be behind the curve...REACTING once a bad thing has occured, rather than being proactive.

It's a lot of work but you are very much on the right track.

[Schmeck]

I think it was because DS is so smart. Lots of the special ed staff members spend their days with kids who are much more severely challenged than our sons...if you are working with a 6th grader who cannot speak to express his needs, then the parents who want their son to get special help so he can make a 95 on a test instead of an 80 are going to come off as pretty demanding.


This is a way to alienate your child even more from his peers, especially in high school - if a child can pass a class without assistance (as in getting an 80, not a 20) but is receiving assistance and second/third chances when the rest of the class is not, it will be very hard for the other kids to accept him. And yes, they know about it. They notice who doesn't hand in the homework on time but still passes the class, who gets extra time, all of it. I've heard the kids complain to teachers, I've heard them tell the poor kid off, and I've seen them be cruel in the lunchroom. So think very carefully about what you want for your child, and what is the most important aspect of his time in high school before making certain demands and requests.

It's happened in our middle school too. During one of our honors ceremonies, questions were raised by parents about two students who participated. It was sad to hear those comments. :sad2:

[missypie]

This is a way to alienate your child even more from his peers, especially in high school - if a child can pass a class without assistance (as in getting an 80, not a 20) but is receiving assistance and second/third chances when the rest of the class is not, it will be very hard for the other kids to accept him. And yes, they know about it. They notice who doesn't hand in the homework on time but still passes the class, who gets extra time, all of it. I've heard the kids complain to teachers, I've heard them tell the poor kid off, and I've seen them be cruel in the lunchroom. So think very carefully about what you want for your child, and what is the most important aspect of his time in high school before making certain demands and requests.

It's happened in our middle school too. During one of our honors ceremonies, questions were raised by parents about two students who participated. It was sad to hear those comments. :sad2:

That is a whole 'nuther HUGE can of worms. I had a friend who taught at a high school and had recently participated in a conference where the administration was attempting to remove special services from a junior who was No. 2 in his class. He had a diagnosis, he had an IEP that had been followed over the years...but the unspoken thing was that the administration knew that the other parents (and kids?) would have a fit if the Salutatorian was the boy who always got extra time for tests.

I think I would have hired an attorney if I had been those parents. If a blind kid or a deaf kid was Salutatorian, everyone would stand up and cheer at graduation, no matter how many accomodations the child had (rightfully) received thoughout the years. But if a child with an "invisible" neurological condition beats out all the other kids but one on grades, then the other parents cry foul about the accomodations.

By the way, DS has zero accomodations in high school. We talk to the teachers about his Asperger's, but he has no IEP.

[AC7179]

I think the problem exists when a kid with accomodations is at the top of the class because without those accomodations, the student would still be doing very well (most likely.) So, the question arises regarding the intentions of accomodations. Are they meant to help a student pass and meet the requirements of the class, or are they meant to help a student be at the top of his or her class?

I don't know.......I see both sides. If a kid does well without accomodations, then I think it's best to go without them. On the other hand, I see the opposing side as well.

[missypie]

I think the problem exists when a kid with accomodations is at the top of the class because without those accomodations, the student would still be doing very well (most likely.) So, the question arises regarding the intentions of accomodations. Are they meant to help a student pass and meet the requirements of the class, or are they meant to help a student be at the top of his or her class?

I don't know.......I see both sides. If a kid does well without accomodations, then I think it's best to go without them. On the other hand, I see the opposing side as well.

I've heard it said that accomodations are only intended to allow a child to PASS a class....and not an advanced class, either, just "regular ed." I think that is ridiculous. First, isn't it in society's best interest if each child lives up to his orher potential? Let's see...with accomodations a kid could be a college graduate; without, he could mow lawns...Hmmm....

Second, can you imagine telling the parents of a kid in a wheelchair that the school doesn't need elevators, because all the "regular ed" classes are on the ground floor and you don't need to accomodate her to get to the AP classes upstairs? There would be seen as illegal. But kids with neurological issues are told that they can't have accomodations in AP classes.

[AC7179]

No, missypie, I see your point. I guess it depends on the types of accomodations they are talking about. The big ones I am thinking of are the reduction of the assignment, modified tests or quizzes (not just restructured, but multiple choice instead of essay, for example), and extra time.

Do you know if students are allowed accomodations in college for Asperger's?

[missypie]

No, missypie, I see your point. I guess it depends on the types of accomodations they are talking about. The big ones I am thinking of are the reduction of the assignment, modified tests or quizzes (not just restructured, but multiple choice instead of essay, for example), and extra time.

Do you know if students are allowed accomodations in college for Asperger's?

I think that it gets a lot more "legal" in college. If you are interested in college issues (as I am), collegeconfidential.com has a learning differences board (look under "Discussion Home" for a complete list of all the boards.)

[Forevryoung]

No, missypie, I see your point. I guess it depends on the types of accomodations they are talking about. The big ones I am thinking of are the reduction of the assignment, modified tests or quizzes (not just restructured, but multiple choice instead of essay, for example), and extra time.

Do you know if students are allowed accomodations in college for Asperger's?

I'm going to get on a slippery slope- I'm a college student (graduate). I have never gone through "disability support services" but I have gone to my professors and asked for extended deadlines due to "personal issues" (I never state why) and 90% of the time they comply.

But in college, there are only certain accomodations that they can allow for- extended time on exams or deadlines, books on tape, note takers... those are most common. But I DOUBT they would give you a multiple choice test instead of an essay exam in college and I would be seriously upset if someone did get that "modification" because a multiple choice test is 100% different than an essay exam- for a mc exam, it's about recognition, not completely about recall. You can guess and still get a question right... and a lot of things in college can't be tested through mc- like "what is your opinion on... back it up with facts" They want you to be critical thinkers and be able to state a well thought out answer.

I don't know what the lawsuit name is but look for lawsuit regarding the deaf girl wanting an interpreter in a class when she was getting B's in a class without it- the school said no way and the state supreme court backed up the school. And part of me agrees with that- it's about NEED not WANT.

[AC7179]

I guess that is along the lines I was thinking of.

If school is really about preparing them for the real world, the real world is not going to extend deadlines (such as at work) or help them get organized.

I totally understand that these children have true disabilities. I get that and I understand the desire for them to function at the highest level possible. But, if they are already getting As and Bs without the extra help, I think it would be the best thing to have them out in a situation as close to the real world as they are going to experience.

[Luv Bunnies]

I didn't know my post would generate such an interesting discussion!

I can definitely see the difference between wanting accommodations and actually needing them. In my son's case, I definitely think it's a matter of need. He has a recognized diagnosis and a track record in the school of not being able to keep up without extra help. All I'm asking for is the chance for him to meet his potential. In fact, at every IEP meeting they ask you what your goal is for your child over the next year. My answer has always been the same: For him to be functioning socially and academically in a mainstream classroom at at least an average level. To me that would be a great achievement for him! However, I think it will be near impossible in middle school without extra support. We're not asking for reduced assignments or special tests. I know he's intellectually capable of doing the work. However, his brain is so unorganized and he's so easily distracted that he's missing important information in class. When he gets unfocused, he gets frustrated and when he gets frustrated he melts down. I think an aide would be able to see a crisis coming and be able to head it off before it gets to that level. By the time a teacher sees it and stops the class to intervene, it's gone too far and become a negative situation. The poor kid also can't keep his homework straight. Because of weak fine motor skills, writing is very difficult for him so he'll do as little as he thinks he can get away with. An OT has been working with him, but it's going to take time to get him writing as much as he needs to so he can stay on track.

Besides the new principal, the school has a new psych that I've been in contact with. I'm hoping she can provide some help as well.

Thanks again for all the great responses! This has been a very interesting discussion!:)

[Schmeck]

Just to note - AP classes are 'advanced placement' courses that require a standardized exam at the end of the year. These classes can be counted by colleges as entry level college courses, so students don't have to take 101 classes their freshman year. Most private colleges do not have to make accommodations for special needs students (of course, many do accommodate!) so taking an AP course with accommodations may not be really helping that student see how a college subject really is - how intense the workload, etc.

Also, I don't think accommodations are allowed on the AP test, without noting them? I know our MCAS tests have a whole section an administrator fills out for special needs students and how the test was done with their accommodations.

And I totally agree - it is another whole can of worms with the social acceptance/non-acceptance of students with disabilities. It seems that the extremely disabled students are more accepted, but the students that 'look normal' (and I cringe at that!) are barely accepted by their peers, if at all. Anything that sets them apart from 'the norm' can be fair game to some students. :mad: I've found that the students who tend to give special needs students a hard time are the ones who are struggling themselves to have some success.

[Forevryoung]

And I totally agree - it is another whole can of worms with the social acceptance/non-acceptance of students with disabilities. It seems that the extremely disabled students are more accepted, but the students that 'look normal' (and I cringe at that!) are barely accepted by their peers, if at all. Anything that sets them apart from 'the norm' can be fair game to some students. :mad: I've found that the students who tend to give special needs students a hard time are the ones who are struggling themselves to have some success.

That's because of jealousy- "nobody is giving ME help"

And Luv Bunnies, you continue to fight for what your son needs but we are just presenting another side of things (and other options). From what you have written, it sounds like an appropriate IEP was in place but was not followed though which has caused the problems. While you know your child best, maybe, just maybe, the current IEP would work out best if it was strictly adheared to by all involved (as is the law- IEPs are legal documents). Good luck.

[Luv Bunnies]

While you know your child best, maybe, just maybe, the current IEP would work out best if it was strictly adheared to by all involved (as is the law- IEPs are legal documents). Good luck.


You're right. If they just adhered to the IEP, things would be much better. And that's all I'm asking them to do.

[disneymarie]

My 12 year old son has Asperger's and started middle school yesterday and I'm already frustrated! And the problem is that I started taking steps to avoid this frustration months ago (or at least I thought I did).


My husband is ready to get a lawyer. My son is totally capable of handling the classroom work. He just really needs help with organization, focus and sometimes behavior. I think an aide is a proactive way to help him get on track. By the time the teacher has to stop the class to remind him about something, it's become a negative situation. Now my son feels bad that he lost his clothes and thinks he's stupid. He always gets down on himself when he forgets something important but it's not his fault.

Thanks for letting me vent. The other problem is that I work at another school in the district in a special ed class so the special ed director that controls resources for my son is also my boss. I'm trying to keep my job separate from the situation with my son and I hope he will too. Any advice would be appreciated.

Our school systems are very supportive for this case...also, working toward the support your son needs and helping to learn coping to gain the ability to creat a way to be focused, or a system to back up where his memory fails.

We find that the better the class aid provided and better the plan adapted to your child, he will likely not need as much support in middle school, but there are several, even two the agency I have worked with have in our high school.

I would retain an attorney, the puclic school system receives public funds adn must provide your son the support...Otherwise what happens, the child is just pushed through school with passing grades and left out into the world, without ever having the support, and means developed prior to graduation.

My friends young one, will likey need an aid all the way through highschool. He is great socially, not disruptive, but behind and really strugles to focus and remember.
Some kiddos are real hyperactive, reward systems to re-enforce the positive behavior are prepared adn the kiddo understands, the rewards, and loss of rewards.

I love the kids, right now I am doing social work with a supervised visitation program. But, when my youngest is oout of our local elementary school, I would love to get the kids as a TSS in classroom. Theraputic support staff.

Fight that person that said he does not need an aid...he does not maybe need what she is thinking but he needs something.
My older son now 32, had a higer IQ then those in the gifted program, but could not focus. HE was in a half and half day. Some classes he was mainstreamed the others he had support for. HE excelled to highschool. about 10th grade it all clicked. He was named who's who among students in the US and puclished in the book printed nationally.
How amazing, but we do have an amazing school system and dedicated staff.

Please forgive my typos, end of the day and hands are bad with the lap top and carpal tunnel.
DiMarie

[cymomtx]

My DD11 (Aspie) started junior high last week. Prior to school starting I notified them that I wanted to meet with all the teachers and have a "staffing". The diagnostician called me and we had it on the 4th day of school. My husband and I showed up with my typed agenda for all the teachers.

On my "agenda" I listed all our phone numbers and email addresses, how and when I expected them to communicate with me. What my expectations were for her to have a SUCCESSFUL year and how THEY were going to make this happen. I reminded them of her modification (i.e. her agenda that THEY are responsible for homework assignments, using the computer in classroom, as she has weak fine motor skills and will respond better with a computer then paper and pencil). Also, in the gym locker room we have them assign a locker on the outside edge where the coaches have a good view and can keep constant watch on her and others around (this was a big problem with my oldest, he was always getting picked on in the locker room).

As this is my second Aspie child to go through this school they are very responsive to me.

[Luv Bunnies]

My DD11 (Aspie) started junior high last week. Prior to school starting I notified them that I wanted to meet with all the teachers and have a "staffing". The diagnostician called me and we had it on the 4th day of school. My husband and I showed up with my typed agenda for all the teachers.

On my "agenda" I listed all our phone numbers and email addresses, how and when I expected them to communicate with me. What my expectations were for her to have a SUCCESSFUL year and how THEY were going to make this happen. I reminded them of her modification (i.e. her agenda that THEY are responsible for homework assignments, using the computer in classroom, as she has weak fine motor skills and will respond better with a computer then paper and pencil). Also, in the gym locker room we have them assign a locker on the outside edge where the coaches have a good view and can keep constant watch on her and others around (this was a big problem with my oldest, he was always getting picked on in the locker room).

As this is my second Aspie child to go through this school they are very responsive to me.

Wow! It sounds like you've been able to achieve for your daughter what I need to achieve for my son! We were also worried about PE and we asked for him to have a locker near the coach's office. I haven't actually been in the locker room since school started but I understand the locker situation is working out fine and the coach has been very helpful in keeping him organized (actually PE was my greatest fear and is turing out to be the least of my worries!).

I have asked the RSP teacher and the psychologist if we can set up a meeting with all the teachers and do exactly what you described. They have both told me that it would be premature. We have to "wait for the services to kick in." I started the process of asking for help back in June so that the services would "kick in" on the first day of school.

I may have mentioned in a previous post that the school principal just resigned during the 2nd week of school! She's not leaving the district. She will now be the program specialist for the special ed dept. She has been totally unresponsive so far. She ignored an e-mail in which I politely asked her to explain something on my son's schedule. Now she will be in charge of his services on a larger scale. It will be interesting to see if she steps up to the task.

In the meantime, I think the new principal is more approachable and more personable. She starts officially tomorrow. I'm going to ask her if we can meet for a few minutes one afternoon this week. I'm going to explain the situation to her and ask for her advice. I'm also going to ask her if we can get all the teachers together to discuss how my son works best. I'm hoping the new principal can help make some things happen.

Thanks for all the helpful replies from everyone!!!:)

[pcparamedics01]

I agree with all! I haven't read a couple but.....However not only a IEP in place but specific accommodations. You can amend the IEP with this,.....
The accomodations whould be that every teacher must write a blurp about his day and they must keep you informed of anything going on or any changes etc. Trust me you will not have to guess anymore!!!!!~!

[cymomtx]

When my son was in elementary school and was not communicating his frustrations with us, I had it written into his IEP that if something happened at school they had to notify me verbally, not just leave a message before he got off the school bus at my door. Otherwise, his afternoon at home was awful and I had no idea why!

[Luv Bunnies]

The update is that I e-mailed the new principal and briefly explained what's been going on. I asked if I could meet with her sometime this week to share some ideas. She immediately wrote me back a nice e-mail saying she wants to sort this out for my son. We are going to meet on Thursday afternoon. I have high hopes that we can figure this out!

[pcparamedics01]

The update is that I e-mailed the new principal and briefly explainee d what's been going on. I asked if I could meet with her sometime this week to share some ideas. She immediately wrote me back a nice e-mail saying she wants to sort this out for my son. We are going to meet on Thursday afternoon. I have high hopes that we can figure this out!

Good! Good luck! I am sure the Principal will take care of this for you.

[fakereadhed]

I have a couple of suggestions that have worked for my DD in middle school. She is very tech savvy, like lots of Asperger's kids, so I got her a PDA on ebay. The school has a planner, which doesn't work for her because she forgets to write assignments down, but she loves her gadget and will use it for every class. The trick is not losing it as they lose EVERYTHING! I bought an old palm m105 for about 10 bucks on ebay, so I can easily replace it if I need to. She has one binder with 2 pencil pockets(1 for pencils, 1 for pda and calculator) and 2 folders. One is for assignments to be done. The other is for finished work. That's it! If the teacher is looking for missing work, that is where it is. Also, she has a tutorial class(spec ed)written in her IEP so once a day the teacher can go over her assignments, accomodate as necessary to make them better visually/spatially, and make sure she is staying organized throughout the day. That would be who would have tracked down the gym clothes for you. Also,the teacher can write notes to me on the PDA, and I can communicate with her that I am reviewing assignments etc. This worked out really well last year. 1)It's keeping her organized 2)She is becoming more independant 3)She is using technology that she can use as an adult to stay organized in the future.

[fakereadhed]

BTW, my daughter's tutorial class is instead of PE. PE is a social nightmare! Since my DD does swimming, the school waived the PE requirement. I have heard that karate or other activities outside school can also be considered. Just depends on what the school is willing to do for you-YMMV ;)
When I asked for the tutorial they said "what will we take out of her schedule?" I said PE! Much better financially for them than hiring an aide.

[kktoland]

The poor kid also can't keep his homework straight. Because of weak fine motor skills, writing is very difficult for him so he'll do as little as he thinks he can get away with. An OT has been working with him, but it's going to take time to get him writing as much as he needs to so he can stay on track.

Does your son's school have "AlphaSmart" keyboards? These are like keyboards with a 3-4 line screen. I have an 11 yr old daughter who just started middle school four weeks ago. She is Asperger's as well as OCD, ADHD, ODD and anxiety issues. She has had handwriting issues for many years and these keyboards are a way for her to type in her homework assignments etc.

As to the issue of an aide, my daughter spent several years with only a spec ed teacher "checking up" on her and only by bringing "lots" of attention to the situation did things finally change. Talking with the teachers (who are on the front line) is a good place to start but if that does not generate enough of a response, this method finally worked for me: collect every teacher's email address as well as those for the principal, director of spec ed and MOST IMPORTANTLY the Superintendant of your school district. Every question you have, every comment you wish to make (no matter how minor), every incident (especially those that might cause the school some liability i.e. Johnny bit Sue) -send to EVERY person on up the power chain. Some will be willing to help - others not a bit! After all those emails etc. though they will certainly know who you are and the situation with your child. After making a general pest of myself, not only did my daughter have her own 1:1 aide last year but that aide moved with her to the middle school :woohoo: Hang in there and keep working the system.

[Luv Bunnies]

Does your son's school have "AlphaSmart" keyboards? These are like keyboards with a 3-4 line screen. I have an 11 yr old daughter who just started middle school four weeks ago. She is Asperger's as well as OCD, ADHD, ODD and anxiety issues. She has had handwriting issues for many years and these keyboards are a way for her to type in her homework assignments etc.


I'll have to look into this. Sounds like it might help. Thanks for the suggestion.:)

[Rustysmom]

I just want to wish you good luck.

My DS has either high functioning PDD or Asperger's, depending on what doctor you talk to, and he sounds very much like your son. Loses everything, forgets everything. He writes his homework in chicken scratch and when I ask him what page he has to do, he looks at it, looks at me and does this::confused3

We are VERY lucky for now because his school just went K-8, so he can stay in his inclusion class until 8th grade. They don't change classes and the teachers come to them. No lockers and very small class size (22).

He has a 1-1 aide and has since Kindergarten and they have tried to wean him away from her, but he goes off to la la land if left on his own.

I'm not looking forward to the high school years when he will have to change classes and deal with lockers and all that. :sad2:

[missypie]

High school....AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! DS is a Junior....here was his day yesterday:

1. I dropped him off at school early for a choir sectional that was actually supposed to be today.

2. Before the Pre-Calc test, the teacher took up the review sheets for a grade. He hadn't understood that they were supposed to complete the review sheets....he had just filled in a few things to study from, so he got a 44 on the review sheet.

3. In English, they are starting to read "The Crucible" - 100 points if you brought the book in; he didn't remember so that's 100 points he doesn't have.

4. He stayed after school for a Jazz Choir rehearsal that everyone else knew had been cancelled.

That's DS' life during the school year. He's such a sweetheart though ...I want to hug him and strangle him, all at the same time.

I do wish that the teachers could see their classes/requirements through our eyes. So many of the things they get points/credit for have nothing to do with actually learning the subject matter. If you miss so many points for things like forgetting to bring a book to school, a child could truly fail a class while having total mastery of the subject matter.

[pcparamedics01]

I just want to wish you good luck.

My DS has either high functioning PDD or Asperger's, depending on what doctor you talk to, and he sounds very much like your son. Loses everything, forgets everything. He writes his homework in chicken scratch and when I ask him what page he has to do, he looks at it, looks at me and does this::confused3

We are VERY lucky for now because his school just went K-8, so he can stay in his inclusion class until 8th grade. They don't change classes and the teachers come to them. No lockers and very small class size (22).

He has a 1-1 aide and has since Kindergarten and they have tried to wean him away from her, but he goes off to la la land if left on his own.

I'm not looking forward to the high school years when he will have to change classes and deal with lockers and all that. :sad2:


I am not looking forward to middle school. :eek: My son 9 HFA also has a 1-1 aide and this year he is in the trailors, "I mean Learning Cottages". This is the first year in an inclusion class. It is nice! Great teachers, his aide there for additional support too.

[Luv Bunnies]

Maybe more good news - the one:one aide that was promised at his IEP almost a month ago finally materialized today! He is supposed to have the aide for the first 4 periods of the day which will cover 2 periods of english, math and science. After lunch he has PE, social studies, intervention and advisory and won't have the aide for those classes. Hopefully he will click with the aide and start feeling better about school.

Regarding the "intervention" class, I'm still a little upset about how they handled it. They decided 3 weeks into the year that some kids needed an "intervention" class to help with academics, my son included. They pulled these kids out of their elective classes to be in intervention. The problem is, they didn't send home a note about it until the first day the kids were pulled. I had no idea that the class was being considered for my son until it had already happened. He was really enjoying his elective too. If the aide had been in place from the first day, maybe he wouldn't need to be pulled out of his elective right now. His elective was "Healthy Living" which he really needs. Last night, he was measuring his Cherrios in a cup to see what one serving looked like. He said he learned that he should only eat one serving at a time so he wouldn't eat too much. This is good stuff for a kid who's a little overweight! I don't like the fact that they pulled him from that class without even informing his parents!

[Luv Bunnies]

....and the aide quit after one day! All I know is that she was "not comfortable with her assignment." Supposedly another one will start tomorrow. Is there no end to this madness? I'm starting to laugh about it now. What else can I do?:confused3

[pcparamedics01]

....and the aide quit after one day! All I know is that she was "not comfortable with her assignment." Supposedly another one will start tomorrow. Is there no end to this madness? I'm starting to laugh about it now. What else can I do?:confused3

Another one has to be in place tomorrow! So terrible!!!

[Schmeck]

....and the aide quit after one day! All I know is that she was "not comfortable with her assignment." Supposedly another one will start tomorrow. Is there no end to this madness? I'm starting to laugh about it now. What else can I do?:confused3

Well, you can't force someone to work at a job they don't want to do, can you? I hope they find another aide for your son as soon as possible, one that is more comfortable working with your son. What does your son say about her? Was there some miscommunication about what she was supposed to do?

Don't expect one tomorrow though - they need to post the opening, interview, do a background check, etc, if they are hiring someone not already in the school system. It took 4 days to OK me when I was first hired.

[pcparamedics01]

Well, you can't force someone to work at a job they don't want to do, can you? I hope they find another aide for your son as soon as possible, one that is more comfortable working with your son. What does your son say about her? Was there some miscommunication about what she was supposed to do?

Don't expect one tomorrow though - they need to post the opening, interview, do a background check, etc, if they are hiring someone not already in the school system. It took 4 days to OK me when I was first hired.

I totally disagree with the OP they should have someone that will take over immediately there are no posting for this!!!!! It is part of he IEP.

[missypie]

As terrible (and you're right-almost comical) for the aide to quit after one day, you sure don't want someone working with your son who hates her job!

[JESW]

It's tough, isn't it? I have a ds12 in 7th grade who is an apsie with learning disabilities and anxiety. Middle school, especially 6th grade last year was a nightmare. He had an IEP, was pulled out for classes and even had two aides splitting the job as it was too stressful for one to have it full-time! Even with all that he still struggled. We were very fortunate that last march he was pulled out of the local public school and put into a collaborative inside another middle school (different town). The kids are part of the school - but also separate. Small classes, more one-on-one work, notebook goes home very day with comments from teachers/aides/counselor, whoever writes it that day so we know what's going on - we also write what goes on at home. If a child is having issues they can pull them out of the classroom and go into an empty one to calm down or take them for a walk to work it out. There are many opportunities for social learning, peers come into their classrooms from the school to work with the kids, they have modified gym, they go on more field trips and many other things. This is our first year with ds starting from the beginning so there are more things we are learning. He was on a downward spiral in middle school and we feared for his mental state. Inclusion does not work for all of these kids.

I hope things get better for your son!

Jill

[JESW]

...about aides...in the public school ds went to they had a list of available aides and they were able to get qualified people in - even for the next day - without having to post the job. Not sure if other schools do that..??

Jill

[Luv Bunnies]

Supposedly there was another person starting today - someone who already worked at the school as a yard duty. I asked the principal last night at Back to School night if this new person had any experience with special needs kids and she said yes. I'll have to see how it went when I pick him up.

Apparently, he got along with the first aide fine but he kept telling her to stop hovering over him. He's not used to someone sitting there and continually prodding him. He'll have to get used to that. But the aide should also have a backbone and not let him scare her away or offend her. He's not a mean kid at all, but he does like his space.

[Schmeck]

Glad to hear they found someone quickly. JESW, we have substitutes available, but they are not willing to be hired on a regular basis. They are mostly retirees who want to work 2-3 days a week. Most of them wouldn't make it through a 5 day work week, actually... ;) But we don't have a list of qualified aides waiting to be employed, except at the beginning of the year, if we've had lay-offs. Before anyone can be employed by our school system, they need to be screened with a CORI, etc. That takes a few days, at least!

[pcparamedics01]

Supposedly there was another person starting today - someone who already worked at the school as a yard duty. I asked the principal last night at Back to School night if this new person had any experience with special needs kids and she said yes. I'll have to see how it went when I pick him up.

Apparently, he got along with the first aide fine but he kept telling her to stop hovering over him. He's not used to someone sitting there and continually prodding him. He'll have to get used to that. But the aide should also have a backbone and not let him scare her away or offend her. He's not a mean kid at all, but he does like his space.


Wonderful great news !!!!

[pcparamedics01]

[QUOTE=JESW;20787006]It's tough, isn't it?

Very tough at times no one understands unless they are in our shoes!!! Chin up!!!!

[pcparamedics01]

Apparently, he got along with the first aide fine but he kept telling her to stop hovering over him. He's not used to someone sitting there and continually prodding him. He'll have to get used to that. But the aide should also have a backbone and not let him scare her away or offend her. He's not a mean kid at all, but he does like his space.

But you know what if she is hovering over him it is a good indication she wants to be a great parapro! I still think it will be OK Luv Bunnies!:cool1: :cool1:

[pcparamedics01]

Supposedly there was another person starting today - someone who already worked at the school as a yard duty. I asked the principal last night at Back to School night if this new person had any experience with special needs kids and she said yes. I'll have to see how it went when I pick him up.

Apparently, he got along with the first aide fine but he kept telling her to stop hovering over him. He's not used to someone sitting there and continually prodding him. He'll have to get used to that. But the aide should also have a backbone and not let him scare her away or offend her. He's not a mean kid at all, but he does like his space.

My whole point, but I did not include! She maybe hovering because she did not know what her role is yet. Give her two weeks she can discuss this with you! Let us know if the replacement worked out for the better!!!!

[Cheshire Figment]

OK Folks.

Let's look calmly at this situation. If you have comments, especially toward the original poster, please try to make them positive in nature as support and useful suggestions are clearly necessary.

Each person is entitled to their opinion. If you have factual reasons to disagree with the post, please discuss facts. If you have an opinion that is disagreeing with specific posts please discuss your reasons for disagreement and politely explain why you disagree with the opinion.

Remember, you can disagree with a message, but don't shoot the messenger.

Mike

[pcparamedics01]

How did day two go with your aide today?

[tryinbeatscryin]

1) Get an outside evaluation from a psychologist with recommendations. this can help you have an "unbiased opinion". Some doctors will even come to a school meeting with you to advocate for your child and have more influence than just what you, the child's parent (!) can tell them.

2) Asperger's kids have probelms with what is called "executive control" which is organizing, getting started, and controlling emotions at times. This is not your child's fault and these skills will just take longer to learn. So you will have to do the coaching.

3) Get a watch that beeps at transition times, put up reminder charts, or clip tags to backpack with a "picture" of homework. Anything visual would help.

[Luv Bunnies]

1) Get an outside evaluation from a psychologist with recommendations. this can help you have an "unbiased opinion". Some doctors will even come to a school meeting with you to advocate for your child and have more influence than just what you, the child's parent (!) can tell them.

2) Asperger's kids have probelms with what is called "executive control" which is organizing, getting started, and controlling emotions at times. This is not your child's fault and these skills will just take longer to learn. So you will have to do the coaching.

3) Get a watch that beeps at transition times, put up reminder charts, or clip tags to backpack with a "picture" of homework. Anything visual would help.


Thanks for the feedback and ideas. We do have a psychologist that we see every 2 weeks. He's helping my son deal with some of his issues and he's helping us navigate the special ed system at school. He's given us a lot of advice in dealing with our son's outbursts and emotions. Things are going very well at home. But the new teachers aren't sure how to handle him. We have arranged for our psych to talk to the school psych so she can help educate the teachers.

I know exactly what you mean by "executive control." My son has problems with all of those issues. We've been working on these issues for several years and they have improved as he's gotten older. The psychologist has been helpful in giving us tips.

PCparamedics - Regarding your question - We are having some issues with the aide. My son seems to like her. I've met her and she's a very nice person. But, she doesn't have a command of the work that my son is required to do. She helped him in class with 2 pages of math the other day and it was done completely wrong. I spent 30 minutes correcting it with him and trying to get him to forget what she showed him and do it the right way. Math is his hardest subject so he needs someone to show him how to do it right the first time. It wasn't just the concepts, there were simple computation errors in her writing. I'm also getting his homework log back each day and it's filled with spelling and grammar errors made by the aide. To me, this is unacceptable. I have sent messages to the principal and program specialist explaining what is going on and I asked if they could tell me her qualifications. Under No Child Left Behind, aides must have at least an AA degree to be hired. They also have to take written and oral tests to ensure they have basic skills. I just want to know if this person has met the minimum qualifications. I haven't received a response from either person.

The potentially good news is that the special ed. director has asked me to come and meet with him tomorrow. My husband will be coming with me and we will lay out all of the problems we have encountered so far. If we are not satisfied with his response, we will hire an advocate and call an IEP meeting. I spoke with an advocate today who has lots of experience with our district. She is ready and willing for us to hire her if we need to. I want to give the director a chance to sort it out first. I'll keep you posted!

[Schmeck]

PCparamedics - Regarding your question - We are having some issues with the aide. My son seems to like her. I've met her and she's a very nice person. But, she doesn't have a command of the work that my son is required to do. She helped him in class with 2 pages of math the other day and it was done completely wrong. I spent 30 minutes correcting it with him and trying to get him to forget what she showed him and do it the right way. Math is his hardest subject so he needs someone to show him how to do it right the first time. It wasn't just the concepts, there were simple computation errors in her writing. I'm also getting his homework log back each day and it's filled with spelling and grammar errors made by the aide. To me, this is unacceptable. I have sent messages to the principal and program specialist explaining what is going on and I asked if they could tell me her qualifications. Under No Child Left Behind, aides must have at least an AA degree to be hired. They also have to take written and oral tests to ensure they have basic skills. I just want to know if this person has met the minimum qualifications. I haven't received a response from either person.


Don't be surprised if she does have a liberal arts associates degree - that's just 1-2 years at a community college here (depending on how many courses you take each semester, and if you take summer classes) but still can't do math.

In our school district we have two levels of aides - tutors and assistants. Assistants pretty much just chaperone students in class, keeping them on task, show them how to keep organized, etc. Tutors actually are supposed to assist in the academics, need to have a 4 year college degree in a relevant subject, and get paid a bit more than the assistants (but not much!) It sounds like your son was assigned an assistant, and she's acting like a tutor, but isn't qualified for that. You could ask about that as well?

[pcparamedics01]

PCparamedics - Regarding your question - We are having some issues with the aide. My son seems to like her. I've met her and she's a very nice person. But, she doesn't have a command of the work that my son is required to do. She helped him in class with 2 pages of math the other day and it was done completely wrong. I spent 30 minutes correcting it with him and trying to get him to forget what she showed him and do it the right way. Math is his hardest subject so he needs someone to show him how to do it right the first time. It wasn't just the concepts, there were simple computation errors in her writing. I'm also getting his homework log back each day and it's filled with spelling and grammar errors made by the aide. To me, this is unacceptable. I have sent messages to the principal and program specialist explaining what is going on and I asked if they could tell me her qualifications. Under No Child Left Behind, aides must have at least an AA degree to be hired. They also have to take written and oral tests to ensure they have basic skills. I just want to know if this person has met the minimum qualifications. I haven't received a response from either person.

The potentially good news is that the special ed. director has asked me to come and meet with him tomorrow. My husband will be coming with me and we will lay out all of the problems we have encountered so far. If we are not satisfied with his response, we will hire an advocate and call an IEP meeting. I spoke with an advocate today who has lots of experience with our district. She is ready and willing for us to hire her if we need to. I want to give the director a chance to sort it out first. I'll keep you posted!

Okay Lubunnies, First off the aide should not be helping him with his classwork period. No you should not hire a tutor like the OP suggested. I have even done that in the past for us it was 60.00 an hour and I was paying for a tutor because the Teacher said she could not get his class work done, so I had homework and classwork. This teacher was aweful. She had my son and another child in her class. I removed him from the classroom midstream. I did not have to pay for a tutor anymore and he got his work done with the new teacher. Terrible!! Pls Let me know how your meeting went!!!

[pcparamedics01]

oops! The other person was just posting about tutors and degrees! Sorry I was multitasking!! Not about you getting a tutor sorry Schmeck!!! Omit my comment!!!:goodvibes

[Luv Bunnies]

Okay Lubunnies, First off the aide should not be helping him with his classwork period.

I totally agree that the aide should not be doing his work for him. There are times when he gets frustrated or unfocused and needs to be redirected. That's when the aide might need to explain an assignment or prompt him through the steps (like in math). The problem is that the aide doesn't have any experience with special ed kids. When he pushes her, she doesn't know how to push back. She needs to know the techniques to get him working on his own. I think she'd rather not deal with it so she just grabs his notebook and he tells her what to write. The problem is, this woman has terrible spelling and grammer. It's ridiculous that the school district would even hire someone like that to work in a classroom. She even roams around when my son is doing okay and helps other kids. I informed the teacher that the aide's spelling and grammer aren't great. I felt she needed to know since it's her classroom.

The meeting with the special ed director didn't accomplish much. He did admit that my son's IEP is out of compliance. When my husband and I asked what he was planning to do to fix that, he said, "We'll have another IEP meeting, rewrite the IEP to reflect what we're doing now and everyone will sign it." He has no intention to honor what was written last month. He's the one who made all the decisions about the services. His staff didn't carry out the services and now he just wants to cover it all up. Our son was supposed to get a resource aide to help him in the classroom for 30 days. Resource aides are fully-qualified and experienced so we accepted it. The resource teacher decided he didn't want to give up his aide so he told her not to go to the classroom. We got this other aide after more than 3 weeks of school and she's not qualified under No Child Left Behind. If they want to rewrite the IEP and remove the resource aide, they will have to add a stipulation that his aide must be fully qualified. Otherwise, we won't sign it and the IEP will remain out of compliance. That's where we are now. In a few weeks, we are touring a private school in our area that has a dedicated Asperger's program. I have read wonderful reviews of the school and had a good talk with the head teacher on the phone today. We haven't made any decisions to pull our son from his current school, but we want to have options if it comes to that.

Thanks to everyone who has provided ideas and support! It's a long, long road.....

[pcparamedics01]

Thanks to everyone who has provided ideas and support! It's a long, long road.....


Us too!!! Good Luck to you and thanks for some great ideas.

[JESW]

How are things going???

[Luv Bunnies]

How are things going???

Thanks for asking and sorry I didn't reply earlier. We actually got out of town this weekend for some fun!

The good news is that the unqualified aide is no longer working with my son. I guess I complained enough to convince them that her misspellings and poor grammar weren't helping him at all. She was reassigned to a special ed classroom with much younger kids (K/1st grade). Another aide is now working with our son and she's much more on the ball. It's still a temporary arrangement since the IEP says he would have the aide on a 30-day trial basis. After the next IEP, we're supposed to decide if it's helping.

But, here's the part you guys aren't going to believe. The resource teacher brought me a "notice of IEP" meeting on Thursday. He wants my husband and me to propose a date and time for an IEP meeting that works for us. I told him I didn't think our meeting was due just yet since the aide wasn't even brought in until several weeks into the school year and we're supposed to have the meeting after our son has 30 days with the aide. So get this: He said at the two previous IEP meetings, my husband and I didn't sign the forms in the right place. We signed the part saying we had attended the meeting, but not the second part saying we agree with the proposed services. So, that means we don't have a valid IEP in place and we haven't had one since the old one expired in June. This is totally the fault of the resource teacher who was responsible for the forms. He showed us where to sign and that's what we did. Prior to this, we have only attended these meeting once a year. We've never had a problem with the services offered and we sign where they tell us to sign. The director is now really ticked off at this teacher and is auditing all of his IEPs to make sure they're signed.

So, technically, the district is out of compliance. The director wants us to simply sign the forms in the correct place. We aren't agreeing to do that since the district didn't honor the IEP as it's currently written. We are going to make sure it reads exactly as it should before we sign it. We're debating whether to bring an advocate or a lawyer to the next meeting. Stay tuned!;)

[Schmeck]

The last properly signed IEP is the valid one, even if it has expired. At least that's how it works in MA - not sure if it's that way in other states?

If you bring a lawyer or advocate, expect to see a lawyer for the school system at the following IEP meeting. Not saying that you shouldn't bring someone, just that school systems will see that as a threat, and step-up their side as well.

Also, never sign an IEP at the meeting - take it home and read it over. Make notes on it, compare it to notes you took at the meeting that created that particular IEP.

[pcparamedics01]

My school loves when I bring my advocate they invite her to come! They love it because the meeting goes faster and smoother because she knows the laws and what we need to do to ensure services. I had her for 5 years now in districts were we had to fight and now we don't! I have never seen a lawyer when I brought an advocate. But if I brought the attorney she works for, based on his reputation, I am sure they would have at least 3 school district attorney's present.

[Schmeck]

My school loves when I bring my advocate they invite her to come! They love it because the meeting goes faster and smoother because she knows the laws and what we need to do to ensure services. I had her for 5 years now in districts were we had to fight and now we don't! I have never seen a lawyer when I brought an advocate. But if I brought the attorney she works for, based on his reputation, I am sure they would have at least 3 school district attorney's present.

Good point - although in our school district, we've had advocates that have extended meetings by over 2 hours... I'd go with an advocate first, but make sure the advocate knows exactly what you are looking for.

[pcparamedics01]

Good point - although in our school district, we've had advocates that have extended meetings by over 2 hours... I'd go with an advocate first, but make sure the advocate knows exactly what you are looking for.

Our meetings are always two hours or more, because of many times we go over ESY as well. Meeting even go longer without an advocate. Mainly because parents go back and forth and do not have someone to say it is okay to move forward. That is what I see in my school district. Every district is different... it depend on the child needs. They need to go through placement etc.etc.

[bababear_50]

No, missypie, I see your point. I guess it depends on the types of accomodations they are talking about. The big ones I am thinking of are the reduction of the assignment, modified tests or quizzes (not just restructured, but multiple choice instead of essay, for example), and extra time.

Do you know if students are allowed accomodations in college for Asperger's?

In Canada students are allowed the acomodations that are clearly stated on their IEP....my son has some and he is allowed those stated. This is for College and University. His school also has a Disabilities office which assists the students in all college life.

Hugs Mel

[bababear_50]

Luv Bunnies JMHO

I am going to suggest you go into any meeting with an open mind and Advocate for your son yourself,,this presents a much less Hostile environment for your self and son. Take some time to re-read this thread --think what it really is that you feel is important for your son to succeed at school. Can the school in your opinion do this for your son? What can you as a parent do to help the school accomplish this ?? What things are you doing at home that you can share with the school that may assist them in dealing with your son.??What can your son offer in a way of suggestions as to what he sees as being his greatest need of assistance at school?? I just feel the TEAM effort has to be sorted out here --and I'm sure your son would feel the benefit of that. I'm a mom of a special needs young adult --kinda been there done that --but I'm also a Educational Resource Facilitator,,(special needs ).I know your heart is breaking because you want everything to be right for your son --and it will be --but please think all of this through --just as you would like your son to do someday.

P.S --I'm terrified of Spelling and Grammar mistakes but I think my 25 years of service with special needs kids is worthy of a few (sp) mistakes. ;)

Hugs Mel

[TinkerbellMama]

I feel for you in this very difficult situation. Age 12 is when my mother pulled my brother out of school (he also has AS) because she realized there was no light at the end of that particular tunnel. Yes, they were required by law to accommodate his "disabilities"...but they weren't going to do it, no matter how much she hounded them or how much legal action was taken. They simply didn't get it and didn't care. After an entire year battling the school district every way she knew how (and my mother is a VERY determined and resourceful woman), she finally said, ENOUGH! Not coincidentally, the one teacher that really tried to help with the whole thing quit her job in disgust at the end of that school year. Homeschooling worked out great for my family, not only because it was a great fit for his keen intellect/social deficits/physical handicaps (he has CP as well and his fine motor skills aren't so good, plus he has serious defects in his feet and legs and walking around campus was a real challenge)...but because they just got sick of fighting for his education and decided to actually give him one! I hope you have a better resolution and I wish you the best of luck.
P.S. My mother noted a definite disinterest in my brother's situation because there was no learning disability involved...just physical and social/emotional challenges. They seemed to think that if you were at or above grade level, you should be mainstreamed in every sense of the word and have no additional assistance.:confused: Apparently the only thing that mattered was his intellectual ability and not the fact that he could not organize his time or physically complete the tasks required of him in a timely fashion. In my brother's case, he REALLY needed a scribe because he is a visual learner (won't remember anything he hears so tape recording was out) but was unable to write quickly due to his physical handicaps. They could have done something as simple as assigning a good student to copy his/her notes from the class but they wouldn't allow that...it was just crazy! They also thought AS was just something he'd have to deal with...and that he'd probably be unpopular with fellow students but they weren't going to address it as it wasn't an academic issue.:eek:

[Schmeck]

They could have done something as simple as assigning a good student to copy his/her notes from the class but they wouldn't allow that...it was just crazy! :eek:

I'm glad they wouldn't assign a student to do this - it is never another student's responsibility to assist in someone else's learning. The school cannot legally put that burden on another student!

The teacher could be told to photocopy his/her class notes, and have all assignments written in a notebook, etc. My school district has been experimenting with having homework assignments available online and by calling the 'homework hotline' as well.

[Luv Bunnies]

My school district has been experimenting with having homework assignments available online and by calling the 'homework hotline' as well.

Our middle school teachers are supposed to have homework hotlines too. Sometimes, they are actually updated. The other night, my son didn't write down his math assignment correctly (his aide wasn't at school that day). So I called the homework hotline. The teacher came on a said, "Here is the homework for September 14." Uh, it's October 2! At the IEP before school started, they told me about all the "safety nets" that would be in place and why my son wouldn't need an aide all day. One was the homework hotline that is only sporadically updated. Another was Gradeweb where each teacher would have a page with homework posted, in detail, every night. So far, the pages are blank. Another is an end-of-the-day Advisory Period where each student's planners would be checked for accuracy. On the first day of school, the Advisory teacher said that's not the purpose of the class - it's for leadership skills, community building, etc. I just feel like I was misled!

I've been trying to advocate for my son but it doesn't seem to be working. He just got his 5th aide today since 9/11. The aide is only assigned for the first 4 periods of the day for 30 days. They keep giving him these "floaters" who quickly move on to other things. The first one stayed for one day. The second one couldn't spell. The next two were fine but got reassigned. I don't know anything about the one who came today. Meanwhile, my son's grades are a mixed bag. He hasn't been doing well on tests or quizzes. We have to figure out if asking for a well-trained, qualified, stable aide would help the situation. This revolving door of helpers for him can't be a good thing.

We're touring a private school for Asperger's kids in a couple of weeks. The school district doesn't know we have this appointment. We think it's prudent to know what other options are out there. We're not ready to pull him, but it may come to that. This school keeps the kids up with their academics while teaching them the skills they need to be successful in the classroom. Most of these skills don't come naturally to these kids and no one has ever sat down to teach them. It sounds like a good program so we're going to meet with the head teacher and observe some classes. Apparently, the average time they keep kids is about 1 year before sending them back to their regular schools, so it's not too long-term. If we decide we want to move him, we would want the district to pay the tuition, but that opens up a new can of worms. If it comes down to it, we could cover it for a year or even two if need be so we may forego the fight and do it ourselves. It would be worth it to get him into a place where he could learn to succeed. The IEP is scheduled for October 25. Thanks for all the advice and stay tuned....

[Schmeck]

That private school sounds like a dream come true - even if it costs $$$, if it helps your son out I think the school district would benefit from sending him there, and of course he would benefit as well. Wish we had that kind of option here.

Best of luck on the 25th! I hope you have a positive, useful meeting!

[Luv Bunnies]

That private school sounds like a dream come true - even if it costs $$$, if it helps your son out I think the school district would benefit from sending him there, and of course he would benefit as well. Wish we had that kind of option here.

Best of luck on the 25th! I hope you have a positive, useful meeting!

Yes, I agree. I'm hoping the private school looks as good as it sounds. I talked to the head teacher for about 1/2 an hour on the phone a few weeks ago. I described my son and the difficulties he's having in school. The teacher said he fits the typical student profile for the school. Right now, they have 24 kids with Asperger's in their program from 3rd grade to 11th grade. They have them divided into 4 groups of 6 so each kid is with others in his age range. My son is 12 and would be with kids who are 11, 12 and 13. They teach classroom behavior and social skills along with academics. They have a full-time psychotherapist who rotates between classrooms. They also have 2 aides who are on the spectrum and have overcome a lot of their difficulties. They can relate to the kids in a different way - kind of like, been there, done that.

We'll see how this all works out. I'm not ready to do anything drastic yet, but it's always good to have options!

[mdsouth]

I'm going to get on a slippery slope- I'm a college student (graduate). I have never gone through "disability support services" but I have gone to my professors and asked for extended deadlines due to "personal issues" (I never state why) and 90% of the time they comply.

But in college, there are only certain accomodations that they can allow for- extended time on exams or deadlines, books on tape, note takers... those are most common. But I DOUBT they would give you a multiple choice test instead of an essay exam in college and I would be seriously upset if someone did get that "modification" because a multiple choice test is 100% different than an essay exam- for a mc exam, it's about recognition, not completely about recall. You can guess and still get a question right... and a lot of things in college can't be tested through mc- like "what is your opinion on... back it up with facts" They want you to be critical thinkers and be able to state a well thought out answer.

I don't know what the lawsuit name is but look for lawsuit regarding the deaf girl wanting an interpreter in a class when she was getting B's in a class without it- the school said no way and the state supreme court backed up the school. And part of me agrees with that- it's about NEED not WANT.


I have been a faculty member teaching at a four-year college for ten years. The college has a Disabilities Concerns office for students that may need assistance to be successful in college. In the case of the my specific college, the Disabilities Concerns office works with the student and verifies information that the student shares with the office.

The office then issues a notice to the faculty, and/or gives the student an ID card that the students shares with the faculty. The information states what accommodations are given to the student.

Most of these accommodations include: extended time on exams; alternative placement for taking exams (I send the exam to the Disabilities office and the student takes it there in order to eliminate distractions); a note-taker is assigned for the student (It is sometimes a student already in the course and at other times has been someone else that comes to the class to help take notes for the student); enlarged copies of overheads, Powerpoints, etc (Visual learners); allowance for specialized equipment for those students needing it (audiotape recorders, laptops, Braille systems, etc.).


I do not modify the exams. If it is an essay exam, than the student takes an essay exam. However, I have found myself modifing assignments at times for students in my courses for various reasons (long length of documented absence due to health issues, athletic schedules, performing arts schedules, etc.). These modifications were assignments that I felt were equal in what they asked the student to do. (recalling information versus application of skills). I also had a standard policy that any make-up exam given for deaths, illness, etc. that was documented would be in the form of an alternate exam. My make-up exams are not the same as the exam that the rest of the students take. This is to make it fair to all students taking the exam. This eliminates the possibility that one student in the class will share information that was on the exam with the student that is making up the exam.

I think many college professors are more than willing to listen to the individual needs of students and take them into consideration.

I suggest that when you are researching college choices, you check into the accommodation services that are available to you.

At the college level, it is up to the student to become his or her own advocate. Your role in your child's education will be limited. For example, you, the parent, will not have legal access to your child's grades.

I hope my views offer some insight for you in this matter.

[Luv Bunnies]

Hi Everyone,

I haven't posted on this thread in awhile because I wanted to wait until we had some kind of resolution. We ended up hiring a special ed. attorney back in October. She was surprised that the district had so blatently dishonored our son's IEP. It turned out that she had worked with our district before and knew our special ed. director well from working on other cases. She called him the day after our meeting and discussed some options with him. In the meantime, we checked out a private school in our city that caters solely to kids with Asperger's. We loved the program and thought our son would do well there.

The special ed. director wanted to set up a "diagnostic program" for our son rather than send him directly to another school. He wanted to make sure the district had exhausted its available resources first. We agreed to do this, thinking we should give the district a chance to make the program work. Our attorney did the negotiations and we agreed on a full-time aide who is fully trained and experienced in working with ASD kids. We also agreed on training for the regular ed teachers on ASD and a list of modifications. He would have reduced homework and alternate assignments in some instances. We also agreed on a Behavior Support Plan that was much more positive than the one they had originally written (the first one was all about punishment but not about preventing or recognizing the root of his behaviors). We were willing to give the program a try but were still skeptical that it would work. Our son's anxiety about school was so high that we felt the district had missed its opportunity. These are all of the things that we asked for before school started this year and we were denied. It's too bad that we had to pay a small fortune for an attorney to get what we were entitled to! If this 30-day diagnostic period didn't yield better academic and behaviorial performance, the district would consider other placements but the private school would probably be the last place they'd choose because of the cost. The director was set on looking for placements in other districts or with the county programs first. We felt like we were in for a long fight to get our son into a place where we thought he would do well.

Fast forward to the day before the diagnostic period was supposed to begin (last week). The director called our attorney. He said the program was ready to start. They had the aide in place. She was going to be trained the following day and start with our son the day after that. He was working on memos to the teachers outlining what they needed to do. But, he was considering the cost of the resources he was commiting to this program. He was thinking that the district might put forth all this effort and have it fail. Then, out of the blue, he asked our attorney if we would still like placement at the private school! She called me right away and said the director was offering to scrap the diagnostic and send our son straight to the private Asperger's school. Yes! We took it! They even included transportation to and from school and the district's expense! Can you believe it?

I don't know the real story. Did the director really weigh the cost of the diagnostic vs. the private school? Did someone from higher up in the district tell him to give our son the placement? Did the district realize it had seriously screwed up and fear a lawsuit? (I'm thinking this is the case).

Whatever the reason, our son will be starting at the private school after Thanksgiving. He is so relieved to be going to another school (and so are we!). We told him he couldn't use the excuse anymore that no one at school understands him. All the students at the new school have Asperger's and the entire staff understands and wants to work with these kids. We told him he was going to be challenged, but that it would be better!

So, there's the ending to our saga. We feel like a huge weight has been lifted. We still have a ways to go with our son, but we think he will really benefit from the new program. Thanks to everyone who commented on my thread and gave such great information!:)

[KirstenB]

That's great news!! I"m surprised they agreed to this so quickly, but wow, terrific!!:grouphug: PLease come back and let us know how the new school is. I'm very curious to know how they approach learning, discipline, testing, etc. I hope your son makes lots of new friends too.

[Schmeck]

Congratulations! I'd love it if you kept us informed about his progress, what the school is like, etc. Of course, you don't have to get too personal about your son - I'm just hoping I can learn some strategies that could help the students I work with.

[Luv Bunnies]

I will definitely let you guys know how the new school placement goes. We were also surprised that everything came together so quickly and we'll probably never know the "real" story behind why our son was given the private placement. All I can say is that the minute we got the lawyer to do the negotiating for us, everyone sat up and took notice! It was money well spent as far as we're concerned. Our son will be starting on the 26. I'll let you all know how it goes.:)

[onesadduck]

I will definitely let you guys know how the new school placement goes. We were also surprised that everything came together so quickly and we'll probably never know the "real" story behind why our son was given the private placement. All I can say is that the minute we got the lawyer to do the negotiating for us, everyone sat up and took notice! It was money well spent as far as we're concerned. Our son will be starting on the 26. I'll let you all know how it goes.:)

Congrats! Good to see things turning out well. I must say, in almost every case I've seen, the second a lawyer is called in, the school district straightens up and flies right.