Am I mean?

[jcpuppy.com]

We got done with our May trip and hubby swore we will never go during a busy time again. So, he asked me the different slow times and we came to the conclussion the next time we will try is Jan 08 as a family(2 adults 3 kids)
I make ressies and then hubby informs me he doesn't want to go again until Aug/Sept 08.
Hubby hates Boma's and AKL and in our May trip I had planned to do Boma's (with my one son) and the bush camp for him, as a special mom and me only thing(the other 2 kids are special needs and take up a LOT of my attention)
Well, let's just say it didn't work out and I had to cancel ressies for the May thing.
So, I decided I will do a 5 day son and me only trip to AKV etc.. in jan and hubby can watch the other 2. Now, hubby is pouting and says that it is totally wrong to leave him and the other 2 kids home when they all like wdw, but he still insists for a later in the year family trip. Part of the issue he is having is money. He would rather save the money for more practical reasons, so whether 2 or 5 of is go, he will moan. Personaly, I think his biggest moan is me going without him. The guilt factor is starting to work on me. I told him, he was welcome to take the other 2 on a him and them only trip whenever he wanted, but that didn't appeal to him .

So, am I mean? His work schedule is such that there are times I could easily go without him and with our ap's it wouldn't be a very expensive thing
I wouldn't mind the whole family going, but I know my fantasy of trying AKV and all that would be wasted if he tags along(nothing like someone unhappy for where they are staying to ruin things for others)
Should I just cave in? Open to ideas or suggestions

If I had my way 08 would look like this' son and me only trip Jan, hubby and me only trip aug 08(anniversary) and then a really nice family trip right after turkey day for the Christmas stuff...I realize there is a common theme , but hey my schedule is flexible :rolleyes1

[dianeschlicht]

I'm one of those who think families should travel together, so I'm probably not the best one to ask. I will say that we LOVE January, May and early December....Not so much August/September. In August and September you have the WORST heat and humidity, and there's always that pesky threat of a hurricane. We have gone a couple of times that time of year and hated it.

[Figment2]

I think it sounds like a very special trip for you and your son to share.
I took many trips with just my Mom & I treasure every memory. My Mom loved to travel and my Dad was more stay at home.

If you can get through the guilt that will be laid on you, I say go for it!

Cyn

[Mike]

I'm one of those who think families should travel together, so I'm probably not the best one to ask. I will say that we LOVE January, May and early December....Not so much August/September. In August and September you have the WORST heat and humidity, and there's always that pesky threat of a hurricane. We have gone a couple of times that time of year and hated it.

I agree with Diane - our WDW trips are for the entire family. I wouldn't have it any other way.

It sounds like your DH should be a little more flexible about where you want to stay. Fortunately, my wife and I always agree on where we are going to stay. But if she really wanted to try a place that I wasn't too keen on, I would certainly respect that and go along with it without pouting. That is the least I could do for her.

[Luigi's Girl]

Forget Boma and remember Ohana. " Ohana means family and family means... nobody gets left behind! :)

[Deb & Bill]

I'd hate to leave my husband behind. That said, he's going in Jan for the marathon, but our son just started high school this week. So Will and I will stay home so his school work doesn't get messed up. Bill's going with his running buddy and they will stay at OKW in a studio for four nights. There is supposed to be a special medal for the 15th marathon, so that's why it's important for him to go.

We'll all go in June.

[CrzyforPiglet]

I'm split. I think it would be special for just you and your son to go but if you don't have the money for two trips - one just you and your son and a second family one then I say only do the family one. It isn't fair if the other 3 members of your family also love disney and you leave them behind but that's just me. Maybe you could compromise and have a special mother and son day during a larger family trip. I would let your hubby know though that aug/sept is really hot. If that's a factor for him maybe he'll change his mind about January. Good luck!

[JLitfin]

I will travel to Disney without my DH mainly because I'm a Disney nut and he's not. He would rather go to Disney every 2-3 years and I'm a every year kind of person. I go just about every January with my sister. Last year we had 6 traveling, her 3 kids and 1 of my sons, this year it's only going to be 4 of us, just her 2 girls. The other kids are now in HS. We do everything Disney, parks, DDP, DTD, etc, than when my DH and 3 boys joins me it's more of a relaxing at the resort next to the pool, cooking in, etc. kind of vacation. This is better for both of us since I always want to go to Disney and he doesn't.

Now when we go to Cancun, Aruba, Myrtle Beach etc. there's no way my family will stay home. They just love these type of vacations.

[sajetto]

I'm on your husband's side

[patsal]

Part of being a family means compromises. Not just on your part but for your DH as well.You gave him options, he complained, you changed you vacation he complained and pouted. It sounds to me like he has perfected the art of giving you a guilt trip. I'd try to talk to him about it, and then follow through on whatever you decide on. I think it may be time for him to make some kind of compromise.

[jcpuppy.com]

If it helps any, we bought DVC with the original plan of once a year family trip the end of august during our anniversary dates. However the wise woman that i am have carefully managed my points so i have extra. He never wants to go for more than a week, feels that is plenty of time, plus we have to work around his vacation time.

Generally I wouldn't go without him, as Disney has been extra special for the 2 of us, but I must admit the appeal of this son and I only trip is really calling to me.

As far as compromise, he would stay at AKV and eat Boma's, but without saying anything I know he would be unhappy.
And as far as taking one day out of a family trip and spending it with my son, that is what i tried in may, but I had to deal with a pouting husband then too. He didn't want to be stuck with my mother, his parents and the other 2 kids without me.
It was awkward with our schedule, so I canceled all my ressies(Boma and Bush camp) and caved in.
Generally, I pretty much always get my way, so have throw hubby a bone every now and then

Such a hard choice!!

[jemiaule]

If it were me I would take the trip with son in January. The attempted guilt trip would not fly with me either since I see absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.

Your husband does not want to go when you do. He does not like AKL. He does not like Boma. You want to take a trip and do things he hates. If he would compromise and do the things other family members like while on a family trip this January trip may never have come up.

Do you think the issue is he does not want you going without him or he does not want to take care of the two other children by himself while you are gone?

[jcpuppy.com]

If it were me I would take the trip with son in January. The attempted guilt trip would not fly with me either since I see absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.

Your husband does not want to go when you do. He does not like AKL. He does not like Boma. You want to take a trip and do things he hates. If he would compromise and do the things other family members like while on a family trip this January trip may never have come up.

Do you think the issue is he does not want you going without him or he does not want to take care of the two other children by himself while you are gone?

I suspect highly it has to do with the 2 other kids. They are a challenge. He helps as much as he can, but I suspect that is also why he put a damper on the May trip where I was suppose to do things the ak things.

I think I will try and dig deeper. He has no problem with our upcoming he and I only trip, so the "family" thing is not quite 100% is it?

he is also away from home a lot, so for me to leave when he gets home, means extra time we won't see each other..that part is a bummer

[jcpuppy.com]

Ok, I decided to put it to a vote. I left the poll open just 10 days. This will hopefully make a fair choice for hubby and I, and I think he and I can both respect the vote.

So, put in your vote

Son and I only trip with a family trip later :banana: :wizard:

Or stay home with hubby and do a family trip later on :rolleyes:

[patsal]

So let me get this straight...your DH is ok leaving all three kids with someone and going alone with you. He is ok leaving you to go to work for extended periods of time while leaving you with the two boys who need a lot of attention. He wants what he wants when he wants it--ie resort, time of vacation, places you eat. It is ok for you to not do things you'd like to try because he doesn't want to? If I have that corect then I'm betting he is trying to make you feel guilty because he doesn't want to watch the two boys. Big deal they are difficult, they are difficult for you as well. They are his children and he is not "watching them"-what's up with that anyway--oh how wonderful your husband is watching the kids--heck you do that all the time no one says oh what a great Mom she is watching her kids!?! Anyway i digress. Stretch your points, wnjoy a vacation that yould like, let him play your role for a few days with the other kids and maybe he'll learn that he needs to compromise a bit--go when you'd like to occasionally, eat somewhere becasue you'd like to, etc.

[jcpuppy.com]

So let me get this straight...your DH is ok leaving all three kids with someone and going alone with you. He is ok leaving you to go to work for extended periods of time while leaving you with the two boys who need a lot of attention. He wants what he wants when he wants it--ie resort, time of vacation, places you eat. It is ok for you to not do things you'd like to try because he doesn't want to? If I have that corect then I'm betting he is trying to make you feel guilty because he doesn't want to watch the two boys. Big deal they are difficult, they are difficult for you as well. They are his children and he is not "watching them"-what's up with that anyway--oh how wonderful your husband is watching the kids--heck you do that all the time no one says oh what a great Mom she is watching her kids!?! Anyway i digress. Stretch your points, wnjoy a vacation that yould like, let him play your role for a few days with the other kids and maybe he'll learn that he needs to compromise a bit--go when you'd like to occasionally, eat somewhere becasue you'd like to, etc.

Mmmmm....I think you have summed up my suspicions and in a much better way than i was able.
BTW didn't you know husbands are glorified babysitters :confused3

[patsal]

Mmmmm....I think you have summed up my suspicions and in a much better way than i was able.
BTW didn't you know husbands are glorified babysitters :confused3

:grouphug: Sorry, go regroup and enjoy trying something you'd enjoy without guilt :grouphug:

[kimberh]

I voted to take the trip, you need to have special time with all 3 children, not just the two that require most of your time. I think watching the kids is the biggest factor.

[NARM Forever]

Provided you won't spend your precious time with your son worrying about how things are going at home and what the reaction will be when you get home (would this be an issue?). I would say - go for it!!!

It's so hard to parent children with special needs and the able sibling often does not get the attention that they deserve. With your husband away often you must not much of a break to recharge your batteries, this trip will help you to do that and have the added benefit of giving your son some much needed one on one time.

Good luck with your decision.

NARM

[spiceycat]

go with son. He deserves your full attention - especially since he won't be around forever.

bond now.

your husband sounds like a controller to me. He should learn the art of compromise (sp).

quit looking at your husband needs and consider your child. He has probably given up much of his life for his brothers.

he deserves your time just like his brothers.

[conciergekelly]

Go! Have fun and enjoy a break. Life is too short and kids grow up so fast. DH gets a vacation from his job, so should you. You know what they say, if mom isn't happy, no ones is happy. I think you have the perfect solution.
1. You get time with your family in a later trip
2. You get time with DH on your adult trip
3. You get one on one time with your mother/son trip.
4. You get to go to Disney 3 times in one year!:banana:

[TenThousandVolts]

I voted that you should wait and go with the whole family but I am changing my mind. Go with your son and have a great time.

My brother has 2 children ages 4 and 5. The 4 year old has severe autism. Last year they decided to try wdw and the 4 year old was so overstimiulated by the whole experience they ended up spending a lot of time in the room (and at the pool- which both kids enjoyed). Anyway, we are taking their 5 year old with us on our next trip because we feel that she really will be able to exerience wdw fully with us and she wasn't able to on her family trip. (I love my DVC- I could never bring guests along without it) I always worry about my little niece, even though her parents are wonderful, caring and attentive. Her little brother demands so much of her parents energy, the 5 year old has taken on the role of the easy-going mommy's helper. She is such a good kid and I just want to give her a BIG treat. I can really see how this trip might be just what the doctor ordered for you and your son. So I would just think of this trip as a once in a lifetime "Mommy and me". Go and don't feel guilty.

[wildernessDad]

My DW and son are staying at OKW in March as they are going to a conference. My wife will have one up on me as we have never stayed at OKW before. I think that it's kind of neat that she gets to experience that on her own with my son, of course. I don't think they'll be doing too much Disney, but it will still be nice for her to experience OKW while she is there.

This side trip may increase her interest in DVC, which is what I am hoping.

[Cee]

If it's going to put you in the doghouse indefinitely it won't be worth it. If it
doesn't matter to anyone, then go. I've been on trips with just my one DD,
then the other DD, my DS is the only kid I've never had a solo trip with. I
hope one day to do that. He's 24 so I'd better get crackin'! :thumbsup2

[castleri]

I voted that you and your son should go for a special trip with the just the two of you. You have already given up a special activity with him once. Don't let it be a pattern - Don't feel guilty for wanting to have this time with your son. Plan a family trip later on and a special trip with your DH but don't give up this trip with your son. I agree with the others who have said your DH has perfected the art of making your feel guilty - just how hard could it have been to take care of the two boys with two sets of grandparents for back up while you and the other son had a few hours to do the things he wanted to do? Last year we had a trip where the youngest son (age 20) came for a couple of days and one of our best days was when he and I did the Segway tour. THe other 5 adults and 2 children managed to entertain themselves for a few hours without us.
Go and give your son a trip that he will remember for many years to come. This same son of mine and I stayed at AK for a couple of nights pre family trip a few years ago and it is still his favorite resort even though we have never stayed there again. When he and his daughter ( due to arrive in late Oct.) are ready for that first WDW trip I will be using points for AKV you can be sure based on his love for the resort as a result of a Mom and son stay of only two days.

[jcpuppy.com]

Provided you won't spend your precious time with your son worrying about how things are going at home and what the reaction will be when you get home (would this be an issue?). I would say - go for it!!!



NARM

I don't think I will be a worry wart as that it is not my usual nature

My special needs kids(adopted girl and a boy twins) are numerically 10, but depending upon the subject operate around 5. Behavioral problems are the most trying. So much so , their grandparents took the one for 3 months about 2 years ago and has never offered again. The other they took for a month and called for me to come get her. The one is a retired school teacher so use to kids. My mom won't keep either for more than an hour or 2, as they are too much for her.

I get along pretty good with them now and am not bothered by their antics so much anymore, but it does bother me that the other son has to deal with them and he does a really good job, playing "big brother"

A trip won't put me in a doghouse for very long anyways, but I think when I get a chance to read everyone's responses to him, it will help my husband to understand better. He is normally pretty good and I usually get my way.
I agree with the poster who said I already gave up my one special event/day scheduled with my son. No reason to give this one up.

I would feel different if it was a "once in a lifetime trip" but we bought DVC last year, so are now able to take reg trips, so no one is being "left out" and not ever going to get to go there.

[Teyedoubleguhrrrr]

I guess I look at it this way - I have two daughters - 8 & 5. I do things with the 8 year old that I don't do with the 5 year old because she is older and is mature enough to handle some of the special things. I also make time for the 5 year old and do special things with her, too. By the same token, I have punished one without the other - even on special things. For instance, the 5 year old was misbehaving, so the older one got to eat out/get dessert while she did not. Was it hard? Absolutely, but worth it.

It is important as parents that we take time and give individual attention to EACH of our children - not just lump them together. Given what you have said about your family situation, I am sure your son has been very patient/sacrificing for the good of the family in the past. Reward him and let him know that he is just as special as his higher need siblings. You'll reward yourself, too, but the bigger point is your son, and I think your hubby needs to remember that.

[IndianaMouseLover]

Part of being a family means compromises. Not just on your part but for your DH as well.You gave him options, he complained, you changed you vacation he complained and pouted. It sounds to me like he has perfected the art of giving you a guilt trip. I'd try to talk to him about it, and then follow through on whatever you decide on. I think it may be time for him to make some kind of compromise.

I would second this thought. He has a choice to take it or leave it. I would go if I were you and it is HIS CHOICE to stay behind or go.

[KevGuy]

My opinion would be that we bought DVC to go as a family, not single trips. So like the three musketeers all for one, one for all, or not at all. :cool2:

[Disney MAINEiac]

Though i would love to try i could never get away with a trip just me and 1 of my children. :grouphug:

[jcpuppy.com]

Though i would love to try i could never get away with a trip just me and 1 of my children. :grouphug:

why not? even if you "rotated" kids one, one trip and the next the next trip?

[iluveeyore]

Life is short - enjoy some time away with your son - my oldest is 18 now and moved in with his girlfriend, and although we love her I miss time with my son. Thankfully, I took my two sons and left my daughter home with DH and we went for March Break two years ago. They each brought a friend, but it was a wonderful road trip and we all shared a villa at OKW and had a blast. I also took just my daughter last March Break on a road trip to North Carolina, and just being in the car together and sharing hotel rooms and meals out was a wonderful bonding time for us - she still looks at pictures and tells her friends what a special trip it was. She's twelve now and it won't be long until she's grown and gone too.
So I vote take your son so he has some special memories of a trip he had with Mom to WDW. You're a DVC member, so you'll have many years of family trips ahead of you - the smaller trips with just a couple of you should be happy bonuses!!:cloud9:

[rocketriter]

I don't think the issue is travelling with or without hubby. Giving people the room to do things they want and avoid things they don't want is an acceptable part of family negotiations. For me the red flag is quantity. Are you folks really fighting about whether you go 2 or 3 times a year? If going that often causes friction, then you might consider a world full of other wonderful destinations -- DVC or not.

[dianeschlicht]

I don't think I will be a worry wart as that it is not my usual nature

My special needs kids(adopted girl and a boy twins) are numerically 10, but depending upon the subject operate around 5. Behavioral problems are the most trying. So much so , their grandparents took the one for 3 months about 2 years ago and has never offered again. The other they took for a month and called for me to come get her. The one is a retired school teacher so use to kids. My mom won't keep either for more than an hour or 2, as they are too much for her.

I get along pretty good with them now and am not bothered by their antics so much anymore, but it does bother me that the other son has to deal with them and he does a really good job, playing "big brother"

A trip won't put me in a doghouse for very long anyways, but I think when I get a chance to read everyone's responses to him, it will help my husband to understand better. He is normally pretty good and I usually get my way.
I agree with the poster who said I already gave up my one special event/day scheduled with my son. No reason to give this one up.

I would feel different if it was a "once in a lifetime trip" but we bought DVC last year, so are now able to take reg trips, so no one is being "left out" and not ever going to get to go there.

I originally voted for a family trip, but given these circumstances, I think you DO need alone time with your son. I now think you should do BOTH the family trip and your single trip with one son.

[Inkmahm]

I originally voted for a family trip, but given these circumstances, I think you DO need alone time with your son. I now think you should do BOTH the family trip and your single trip with one son.

Amen to that! Take the trip alone with your son. You BOTH deserve it.

[jcpuppy.com]

I don't think the issue is travelling with or without hubby. Giving people the room to do things they want and avoid things they don't want is an acceptable part of family negotiations. For me the red flag is quantity. Are you folks really fighting about whether you go 2 or 3 times a year? If going that often causes friction, then you might consider a world full of other wonderful destinations -- DVC or not.

I did get to speak to hubby last night about this, tho I was not able to read him the responses(he is away right now) Here are his list of reasons

1) money--- he wants to save for some more practical items, so traveling ANYWHERE would cause the same reaction.:scared1:

2) The way I presented the trip bothered him. ie rather than saying "what is your opinion" , I was more like "we are going"

3) His time home, he wants to spend with me, that will be missed on that trip home, as I would be gone. Can you imagine 12 years of marriage and he has never slept in our bed at home without me , and says he would miss me :hug:

4) He thinks 1 trip a year on a vacation..ie Disney in our case, is more than enough. We went 10 years with never having a vacation to now me wanting a couple trips a year. I think something in the pixie dust causes addiction :wizard: :confused3

5) he and the others would love to go, but he doesn't want to spend the money that way and 2 trips are silly.


I did present everyone's idea's and at first he was a bit hard headed, but then agreed to renegotiate how many trips a year, so that we don't face a debate again. Currently on the table is 1 family trip on odd years and 2 family trips on even years OR 1- 2 person trip(ie me and a kid or me and dh) and 1 family trip every year. I prefer this option, then I can go every 6 months :woohoo:

So, you guys can sit back and watch as the Disney world turns popcorn::

I really like the idea of a trip with my son. I agree with others - in 7 years he will be thinking of moving out and mom won't be such a top priority. I already am mourning that day. :sad1:

[lisaviolet]

A trip won't put me in a doghouse for very long anyways, but I think when I get a chance to read everyone's responses to him, it will help my husband to understand better.

Ooooh. I don't know OP. Did he know about this thread/poll ahead of time? If not, oh boy. In my opinion, it would take a very special man to hear comments about whether, when it comes down to it, he is being fair or being an #$@ about you taking a separate trip. I'm sure you are going to pick and choose what to say/read. But regardless I don't think I would share at all. Just my 2 cents.

Anyway, all the best to you no matter what you choose to do. I'm so sorry that life is overwhelming at times with the children.

It's an absolute no brainer to me. I would go on the trip. But of course, as the poll shows, everyone thinks differently on what is best for a family.

Good luck.

[lisaviolet]

I did present everyone's idea's and at first he was a bit hard headed, but then agreed to renegotiate how many trips a year, so that we don't face a debate again.

Hi OP,

I posted at the same time as you. I'm curious. Did you present them as your ideas or does he know this issue was posted as a poll? Oh boy. I could never hear responses to something so personal from strangers. If so, kudos to him.

[jcpuppy.com]

Mmmm....didn't think about it that way. I won't read him the responses. he knows there is a poll, but not the tally. I guess that is why his first response was to say dis folks can go jump in a lake.

Must be a female thing to ask for others opinions and ideas.

BTW I don't think he is being a jerk. I am no more right than he is...just have to figure a fair way to be married and so everyone involved can feel happy.

When he first stated how sad the family would be about not going I agreed, until I thought more about it. I personaly will miss having the family along, but at the same time I would enjoy being able to spend time with my son without having to divide myself up between kids and husband

[crisi]

I'd skip the trip and go to marriage counseling - maybe family counseling.

Sounds to me like you and your husband have some very different priorities. Who was the motivator behind adopting multiple special needs kids? - if he wasn't an equal participant in that decision, he may feel like he has more than done his part and been roped into a life he wouldn't have chosen if he didn't care about what you wanted so much. He has financial concerns - not uncommon at all for breadwinners who have special needs kids - special needs kids take a lot of long term financial planning. And it sounds like he works very hard to provide a financially stable position for you and your family. On the other hand, you recognize that you and your son both need some special time together where the needs of the special needs siblings aren't the number one priority - that isn't fair to you or your son to never be relieved of that - especially your son who didn't make those choices.

I think this is much bigger than "my husband doesn't want to eat at Boma" - its about short term vs. long term needs, about whose needs take priority and who had taken priority in the past. Whatever happens with this trip to Disney, those issues are going to remain and need to get dealt with.

[jcpuppy.com]

DH and I were very equal partners in our choice to adopt and who we chose to adopt.

I do appreciate your thoughts, but there are no serious undertones here. Just 2 people with a different opinion working on coming to a common ground

I agree that he will have the "breadwinner" and providing for everyone mentality. It is why I respect his opinion even when I disagree. Some folks here have felt it was controlling on his part, but it really isn't so much controlling as him making sure money needs are met. He is a saver and I am a spender..been like that for 12 years. It is why we have learned to negotiate things so both people can feel happy or at least not unhapy.

I think the one person was the most right(after talking to him last night) the biggest problem of communication was his perception of how many trips a year and my perception. Mine is however many trips my points will allow, where as his was a one week trip a year.
Thanks again for your thoughts

[vwlvette]

My first reaction was, I think you are raising 4 children!! lol, But after reading ALL of the thread I do understand both points of view.

I have a step son with a brain tumor, I would never stand in the way of DW & DS spending quality time together, just like DW would never stand in the way of My quality time with either boy (12 & 10) or our daughter (8 months).

If hubby main issue is money, Maybe it is time to talk with a financial planner, or even among yourselves so that both of you fully understand what your hubby is trying to accomplish financially.

With all of that said, If it doesn't present a financial burdon on the family, you should go on this trip with DS.

Seems like early on in this thread your hubby was kinda missrepresented, at least that is my take on all of this.

Best wishes to you and yours!

[maraki527]

Luigi...I agree with you..I would do the family vacation...By the way how old are your other two children? dont you think they would feel bad? why not try to comprimise..maybe stay at the akv and then go to boma and somewhere where he would want to go and eat too. or even split the vacation between two resorts.

[fishermouse]

OK since you asked! IMO you should skip the trip until you and DH work out the issues that cause you to ask perfect strangers to make this decision. From what I see in the OP there are deeper issues and taking off for a week can only maker them deeper.

[lisaviolet]

Hi,

I just want to be clear that in no way I was inferring that you think he's a jerk for not being okay with the trip. I simply used words in reference to him reading this thread and the poll in general. The way it might come across to him I meant. Because if he reads this thread, with some (certainly not all) of our responses, I just thought that it might bring on more issues. As I've already stated, in my opinion only, that would be difficult for anyone to read.

Lisa

[bobbiwoz]

I'm sure you and your DH can figure out what's the best for you.

Bobbi:grouphug:

[Amy5000]

I went back and forth on this one, b/c I am sympathetic to the idea of family vacations especially for Disney. But from what you described I think it would be really great to do something with your older DS.

I have to ask...would your husband complain as loudly if you came up with some other alternative (we'll go to "surf camp" in San Diego or water skiing in Miami)? Is it really b/c it's Disney or b/c he'll be jealous of you getting the fun with older DS?

Anyway, when I read your first post, I was concerned what your DS' siblings would think. I'm assuming they will be ok and will understand that they will get special time with mommy in the future too.

Frankly, your DH sounds like a third SN child. Inflexible and needs time with mommy. ;) (My DH is pretty good about not guilting me, but he also would have a hard time left alone with my family, even tho' he likes them. He just feels better when I'm around).

Please go and enjoy bonding time with your DS. Maybe your DH would be more amendable if you suggested that he could have a bonding trip with DS somewhere too.

Good luck. Amy

[WDWorld2003]

I say go on the trip with your son and enjoy your time with him. I've gone twice with my teen daughter and her friend and loved it. My husband had to work and other daughter was in college. They have both moaned about our trips but my husband took a trip skiing and college daughter went to France so they had their fun.

I really missed them when I was at some of our favorite WDW spots but was also glad to spend time with my other DD.

Maybe your husband could go on a trip he's wanted to go on without you while you stay with the kids or he could take your son somewhere special. I like taking some time separately with a child and wish I had done it sooner.

[mwehttam]

Take the trip with your son. With two special needs children and the attention and time the need, I wouldn't be surprised if you son occasionally feels "neglected." I put that in quotes since I know that is not true, but what he might feel. A trip with just the two of you will be a memory he will have for the rest of his life. You DH should understand and want that. My 2 cents.

-Matt

[sharond150]

There's a lot to be said for what your oldest son may be feeling in that a lot of the adults' time and attention goes toward his younger siblings. I work in the field of special education and I think the oldest DS getting your undivided attention for a period of time will do BOTH of you a world of good! Go for it!!!!! :banana:

[sharond150]

There's a lot to be said for what your oldest son may be feeling in that a lot of the adults' time and attention goes toward his younger siblings. I work in the field of special education and I think the oldest DS getting your undivided attention for a period of time will do BOTH of you a world of good! Go for it!!!!! :banana:

[mikesmom]

I say go with DS and have a special time just for the 2 of you. I feel family time is VERY, very important. But that being said, individual time is important, too. Everyone has to have individual time and development. I suspect DH wouldn't want to go along if you decided to take a quilting class, nor are you all going to go with DS to college. I would feel differently if this was an "either or" where you never got to get a family trip in. Each of your children needs some special attention from you in order to feel that they are important as a person, not a piece of a larger group.

[castleri]

You mentioned that money being saved for more practical items is one of his concerns. Is there any way you can do some creative saving ( using coupons and putting the money you save aside, selling something on ebay, or a yard sale) that would help pay for this trip. The trip would be more important to me than any "practical" thing you could buy but only you and your DH can decide if that is your case. I have taken two cruises and a couple of Christmas trips to WDW because I want to be able to say "Didn't we have a good time and I'm so glad we did those things" not "I wish I had----" years from now. Even if you end up doing a family trip only I would definitely make plans for time with your older son doing the things you didn't do the last time and not let anything or or anyone change them. By the way - I don't buy the he doesn't want to sleep in the bed at home without you thing- it's okay for you to do that but not him? He wants someone home to "take care of him and the kids" and he wants the same on vacation - couldn't spend a couple of hours with the other two children and his and your parents while you had some time with your son. Sorry if this sounds harsh and if I am wrong I apologize but having been married to a person with many of the same statements I may see things a little differently than you do. I believed them at the time but as they say hindsight is always 20-20. He went his way and I went mine ( I am not suggesting this to you) and I am now married to a man who is truly interested in what is best for each member of the family not just him. I still say find a way to take that trip this time and then work on an agreement for future years.

[rugrats2001]

Take your son! It will be something he will keep in his heart for the rest of his life! A family is not just a single unit - it is the love and interrelationship between each of the members with each of the others, and these relationships are independent of the relationships between any two of the others. When my son was in Cub Scouts, he & I would go for weekend camping trips with the troop, while the rest of the family stayed home. These are some of our fondest memories!:cloud9:

[SLM]

What if you and your son traveled a day or so early and the rest of the family joined you after you had some time alone? We used to sign our daughter up for one of the day-long programs-it was nice for her and gave us some time together as a couple. I'm sure you'll do what works best for your family! :)

[DisDaydreamer]

I'd hate to leave my husband behind. That said, he's going in Jan for the marathon, but our son just started high school this week. So Will and I will stay home so his school work doesn't get messed up. Bill's going with his running buddy and they will stay at OKW in a studio for four nights. There is supposed to be a special medal for the 15th marathon, so that's why it's important for him to go.

We'll all go in June.

Let's go for the 15th marathon... Damn.. I'm rooting for Bill... I am right there with you... cancer watch.... We need everyone's prayer. Truly, I don't know what else to do.......... Please God... let MB be ok... (my wife).