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View Full Version : Question/Debate - Help with me and my 10 y.o. DD


squirrelgirl
08-11-2007, 12:40 PM
I told my 10 y.o. dd that I would post this question. First of all, she is a good girl, responsible, etc.

I have agreed to take my DD and a friend to DL coming up in the next few weeks. My DD is very comfortable at the park (we are locals and have been many, many times).

My DD feels that she and her friend should be allowed to go on a few rides themselves. She wants to be given a time (like an hour) that she and her friend can go on rides and then meet me at an agreed upon spot. I am COMPLETELY against this.

I know the appropriate age is based on an individual, their maturity level, etc. But I promised my DD that I would post this and ask others "at what age is your child old enough to have some more freedom at DL"? Understand, that I do not plan on allowing her to do this at 10. When do you think it is OK? If you have some suggestions on what I can do to let her feel a little more grown up (and still be safe) I'd like to hear your thoughts. Stand in a different (split) line while we both go on the same ride type thing? We will be going with another adult and younder siblings.

Sigh...they want to grow up so fast.

Bec3b1g
08-11-2007, 01:05 PM
Tough question........I have 3 boys (twin 11, 12) and wouldn't allow them at this age to go off on their own. Having said that, we go to DL once every 1-2 years so we like being able to experience it as a family.

We plan on taking a cruise in November and will allow the kids to walk around on their own (together, of course!). Not sure why I feel more comfortable with this scenario.

As for when I will allow it, I don't know. I can't imagine sending them to ride ToT without personally checking that their seatbelts are securely fastened.......but that's just the kind of mom I am :love:

NVDisMom
08-11-2007, 01:18 PM
My DD just turned 10 and I know this is going to be an issue in Dec when we go. I won't even let her walk to school alone, so I don't see me letting her go off in DL. Maybe offer to let her and her friend stand in line and ride without you in line too on some of the rides that don't have 45+ min waits. Maybe fastpass Buzz, or Star Tours, things that aren't high velocity, drop your drawers rides where momma bear comes out and you feel the need to double check seat restraints and such. Perhaps let them eat at their own table for CS meals, so they feel like they are getting a little girl time w/o parents listening in and younger siblings butting in. I've found my DD wants to test the waters for responsability/privelege and gain some privacy in the process. The trick is giving it w/o going out of your mind with worry. I find my DD understands when I thoroughly explain my feelings to her and the rationale behind them. "Honey, I understand you and your friend want to have some time on your own in DL, but I'm not ready for it yet. I'd be a nervous wreck the whole time you were gone and wouldn't have fun in DL myself. So here is my compromise..." explain what you are willing to give and why. I hope this approach works when she's older and dating or wanting to go out of town with friends...and basically I'm in panic mode when those years come.
You should also check with the friends parents to discuss how much freedom they are comfortable with. That will need to be taken into consideration as well. GOOD LUCK!

NVDisMom
08-11-2007, 01:25 PM
I just asked DH this question and he suggested giving her that hour and shadowing her. You give her her space as promised, but keep the eye on her that you need. I would also consider walky talkies. Comunication if you should lose sight of her. God forbid.

disney-super-mom
08-11-2007, 01:47 PM
Well, at the age of 10, the ONLY way I would let her and her friends have a little time actually AWAY from mom is if one or two of the 'friends' were about 15 or 16 years old. Maybe consider bringing a favorite, fun, yet responsible teenage cousin or friend along if your 10 year old wants to spread her wings a bit. Besides, when I was 10, I loved being around my older teenage cousins or friends. They were cool and fun to be around!:cool1:

And it is Disneyland, which all things considered (security cameras, many Disney personel around, and thousands of decent vactioning families), is a fairly safe place to allow a little wing spreading.

Of course I would insist on cell phones to stay in contact!

I would allow ten year olds to go on a ride by themselves, but I would be in the general area so I could see them go in and come out. In other words, if they wanted to ride Splash, I would sit on a bench right there, watch them go in the mountain, and then wait for them to walk out the exit. That right there would give them at least 20-30 minutes of alone time.:goodvibes Of course, it wouldn't be much fun for you!:sad2:

As far as how old before she could go out on her own at Disneyland with a group of friends for an hour or two (and without an older teenage friend)? I would say 12 or 13, depending on maturity level and dependability to use good judgement and check-in with me periodically with a simple phone call.

minniecarousel
08-11-2007, 05:07 PM
See - I like the idea of letting them eat a CS meal at a seperate table. Let them go on a ride together & wait at the exit. That way they'll feel like they're on their own. I guess 12 or 13 would be the right age for a true hour or two on their own.

(Good luck - when my boys would return to college, a 2-3 hour drive, I couldn't wait to get that call that they made it. Heaven forbid if they forgot to call me. I was a mess! My point: you have years of all these "letting go" moments. You have to start with baby steps - not giant leaps!)

ShawnaF
08-11-2007, 06:00 PM
Would love to say yes, but as a mom and aunt - no way. 10 is just too young and the maturity just isn't quite there. On the rides with smaller lines where you can SEE them the entire way, let them wait in the lines and ride by themselves. But no, they need a chaperone - remind them that even Walt Disney had chaperones for his young female stars (yeah, like that'll matter, but it's worth a try.)

Good luck with that one. Guess you'll just have to be the mean mommy with safe kids.

squirrelgirl
08-11-2007, 06:20 PM
Thank you all! My DD will probably be a bit frustrated seeing the "results" of this debate. I had every intent of letting the girls eat together at their own table, ride together on Autopia, that type of stuff. As for going on a ride independently, I was more or less going to allow them to go on rides like Teacups completely on their own..something I can watch from begining to end. The Mom of the other girl is going with us and we will make the decisions as we go. But on their own..no way! I'll let them stand in line and by a Churo on their own. :rotfl: But with younder siblings around, we will pretty much go on everything together. I just know that they want a little more wiggle room since they are "not babies" as my DD likes to remind me. :goodvibes

Thank you all for providing some responses that will show my DD that I am not the meanest Mommy in the world...just that I love her and want us all to have fun and be safe together!

ShawnaF
08-11-2007, 06:29 PM
Perfect - Disney is about families and being together and you can blame them for you having to follow those rules. lol...

Have fun!

abby
08-11-2007, 10:29 PM
Thank you all! My DD will probably be a bit frustrated seeing the "results" of this debate. I had every intent of letting the girls eat together at their own table, ride together on Autopia, that type of stuff. As for going on a ride independently, I was more or less going to allow them to go on rides like Teacups completely on their own..something I can watch from begining to end. The Mom of the other girl is going with us and we will make the decisions as we go. But on their own..no way! I'll let them stand in line and by a Churo on their own. :rotfl: But with younder siblings around, we will pretty much go on everything together. I just know that they want a little more wiggle room since they are "not babies" as my DD likes to remind me. :goodvibes

Thank you all for providing some responses that will show my DD that I am not the meanest Mommy in the world...just that I love her and want us all to have fun and be safe together!


amazing how fast they want to grow up, but no way I would let my 10 year old and a friend off on their own for an hour. I'm with you on this one.

NannyPooh
08-11-2007, 10:46 PM
It's tough being a parent! You want your kids to gain independence, but when it really comes down to it - I want to know where they are and what they are doing at all times! :rolleyes1
I'm lucky - my DS11 (pirate: ) is a bit of a chicken, and wouldn't want to go off on his own yet! On the other hand, DS7 (:stitch: ) can hardly wait to be off and running, but I have a few more years to prepare for him!
Good luck with it! I do like the idea of giving them separate tables at restaurants, and letting them do rides alone, as long as you are waiting at the exit! Maybe giving them half an hour in a store, as long as they don't leave the store?

Tink_Or_Belle
08-11-2007, 10:53 PM
My oldest is 10 and I say no way. we went to a local park the other day and took a friend on a couple rides I walked them to the line and watched them ride and met them at the exit Maybe your dd's friends mom would back you up as a HECK no then you would not be so much of teh bad guy she would see most parents feel this way

PrincessSitka
08-11-2007, 11:05 PM
I told my 10 y.o. dd that I would post this question. First of all, she is a good girl, responsible, etc.

I have agreed to take my DD and a friend to DL coming up in the next few weeks. My DD is very comfortable at the park (we are locals and have been many, many times).

My DD feels that she and her friend should be allowed to go on a few rides themselves. She wants to be given a time (like an hour) that she and her friend can go on rides and then meet me at an agreed upon spot. I am COMPLETELY against this.

I know the appropriate age is based on an individual, their maturity level, etc. But I promised my DD that I would post this and ask others "at what age is your child old enough to have some more freedom at DL"? Understand, that I do not plan on allowing her to do this at 10. When do you think it is OK? If you have some suggestions on what I can do to let her feel a little more grown up (and still be safe) I'd like to hear your thoughts. Stand in a different (split) line while we both go on the same ride type thing? We will be going with another adult and younder siblings.

Sigh...they want to grow up so fast.

She sounds like she is very responsible and that she and her friend can handle it. But I would be worried about others.
There are all kinds out there. You can not be to safe. Sorry maybe I am over safe. But I agree with you to young.

Bec3b1g
08-12-2007, 11:28 AM
She sounds like she is very responsible and that she and her friend can handle it. But I would be worried about others.
There are all kinds out there. You can not be to safe. Sorry maybe I am over safe. But I agree with you to young.

:thumbsup2

We constantly tell our boys that we do trust them, but don't trust all the weirdos and sickos that are out there walking around at the same time. IMO, you can't be too protective in today's society.

Albort
08-12-2007, 11:45 AM
you can also find like an older cousin or family member that your DD likes to go with... See if your DD is responsible and matured. after that, you should be all good! :)

arliepooh68
08-12-2007, 04:40 PM
fortunatley this has not become an issue for us and my oldest is 13. . . guess i'm lucky there :) I would say 10 is too young as well. . . wierd thing is now that i'm a parent i do not understand how my parents allowed us to roam the park when we were kids, my brother and I were probably 10 and 11. . . different times. .

lulubelle
08-12-2007, 04:50 PM
I think it is 100% up to you (as her parent) to feel comfortable and safe. If you say no, then it is no. Period. You know what is best. Good luck deciding.;)