View Full Version : Ask Future Mom in Law for Permission?
07-18-2007, 08:17 PM
For those of you that haven't read my post from earlier today, my name is Paul and I am seriously contemplating getting engaged to my girlfriend Krystin while at Disney World during our scheduled vacation (AUG 26-31 2007).
I'm not on wedding protocol, however, I need input on the following thoughts:
(1) Krystin's father passed away when she was in her early teens. Do I ask her mother for her daughter's hand or forgo the tradition?
(2) Krystin's mother lives in Orange County, California, while Krystin and I live in the Chicago suburbs. Though it would ideal to ask her in person, is it tacky to call her if the face-to-face is not possible?
Any thoughts would be appreciated.
07-18-2007, 08:29 PM
I don't think that it's tacky at all. I think that it is so sweet!! Good luck with everything:)
07-18-2007, 08:30 PM
Congratulations on your future proposal!
As for you questions, in my opinion, I would ask (granted I wasn't the one who asked :goodvibes ). My fiance actually asked my mother, and my father is alive and well! She responded, "sure, I'll tell her father." :rotfl:
I think it is a wonderful tradition. As for the distance being an issue, I am sure that she would understand that you are unable to meet face-to-face, and I am sure that she would appreciate the fact that you wanted to respect the tradition of asking permission.
Good luck and I want to hear more about your proposal plans!
07-18-2007, 08:35 PM
I think it would be very sweet for you to ask her mom.
07-18-2007, 08:50 PM
I think it would be great if you could speak to her face to face. But if you can't I think a phone call would be appropriate. Good Luck!!
07-18-2007, 09:07 PM
This is my first post and I couldn't help but reply!!
1) I think asking her mother is a great idea. It would make her feel included!
2) And asking her face to face is always the best.:flower3: But if you can't, arranging a special phone call would be amazing!!!
Good luck and I hope she says YES!!!:love:
07-18-2007, 09:11 PM
Hi Paul and Fellow Suburban Chicagoan!
My DF Karl called and asked my mom permission prior to asking me to marry him. My father is somewhat estranged from the family. He brough my mom to tears with the gesture. So I say ask away!
07-19-2007, 09:06 AM
Hey another chicagoan here too!!!!
I think it is SO sweet of you to think of her mom!!
She is gonna really respect you for that
If you can I would try & do it in person, but if its not possible im sure she will be touched you still asked her!!
Your a sweetie!!
Congrats & I hope it turns out wonderful!!
07-19-2007, 09:20 AM
I say definitely ask her mom-- he mom would probably really appreciate it. DH was in SC and my parents were in NJ when he decided to ask my dad for permission. So he called and my parents did not think it was tacky at all. My dad cried when he got off the phone w/ my now DH and my parents always say it was the best phone call ever :love:
Good luck :)
07-19-2007, 10:39 AM
I think her mother would be very touched that you thought to ask her. Given the distance, I don't think a phone call would be tacky at all. Good luck!
07-19-2007, 11:08 AM
Since my parents are divorced, my DF asked both my mother and father (and stepparents!). Since we live very close to them, he was able to ask in person but given the fact that you are halfway across the country, I think she will understand the phone call! Good luck! :goodvibes
07-19-2007, 02:19 PM
I think I'm going to be the lone voice of semi-dissent on this one, just based on my own feelings.
My fiance did ask my dad for his blessing. As much as I love my dad and respect his opinion, I don't need his permission to get married. I'm a grown-up lady! The idea of "asking for permission" bothered me. It actually suprised me how much I didn't like what it stood for.
But I knew my fiance really wanted to do things the "right" way, and I know his definately respects my independence, so I let it go.
Bless my dad. He said his permission wasn't necessary - MINE was! - but that he was thrilled with the idea, and knew I would be too. Love my dad!
Bottom line - I'd say it really depends on your (soon to be) fiancee's personal feelings toward that particular tradition. You know her better than anyone, so you'll do the right thing. I know it is like nails on a chalkboard to some.
That being said, a phone call would be perfectly acceptable. Text message or email, not so much. :)
07-19-2007, 02:28 PM
I think it's a great idea to ask her mom. I'm sure it will mean a great deal to Krystin and her mom. I think a phone call would be acceptable since you are so far away. I wish you the best of luck. I hope you enjoy your vaction, I'll be at WDW during that time too! :goodvibes
07-19-2007, 03:46 PM
I would ask her mom. DF asked my parents for my hand and I think its the sweetest thing and so did they.
If you can't see her mom face to face how about a web cam? If she doesn't have one, mail her one and ask her to set it up, but tell her to keep it a secrete. And then when she has it set up you can ask her that way for her DD hand in marrage.
Good luck and congrates.
07-19-2007, 06:36 PM
My husband called my dad and asked him for permission to marry me the night we became engaged. We lived 4 hours from my parents, so a visit that night was out.
I think it is really sweet of you to want to ask her mother. I think your future wife and your future mother in law will be impressed.
07-19-2007, 06:55 PM
I'm going against the majority as well.......I see no need to ask for permission.
My father is very protective and is one of those guys who believe "no man is good enough for my little girl" Sean and I had been dating for almost 5 years when we got engaged, and Sean asked me beforehand if I wanted him to ask my father. My father has met Sean on mnay occasions, and while he doesn't dislike him, he doesn't adore him either.
I knew that if my dad was going to respect Sean he would respect him regardless of whether he asked for permission because he's a good man, not because he followed traditions. I also knew that if my dad said no I'd marry Sean anyways........
If you know for a fact that your GF parents like you and would say yes, and it's important to her I say ask.....but don't do it because you feel obligated. Good Luck!
07-19-2007, 07:05 PM
It is definately appropriate to ask her mother! My DF asked both of my parents, and he had to do so via phone, we live too far away for him to just be able to hop out there to ask without me getting suspicious! The phone call would not be tacky, and i'm sure her mother will be touched that you had the level of respect to call and ask, and have her involved in the moment, and i'm sure your future DF will be very touched as well. Good luck!!
07-20-2007, 01:00 AM
I think it depends on the family. My fiance said if my dad was still alive (he passed in 2001) he would have asked just to out of respect (and brownie points). However, my mum is literally my best friend (besides fiance, obviously) and he knew she wouldn't have been able to keep it a secret so he didn't ask her. That's something to keep in mind if you want it to be a surprise and she & her mum are close. Something that big and exciting can be a little hard to keep under wraps.
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