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Chloesmom
05-07-2007, 10:45 AM
OK.. sso DD is 8 and has type one diabetes. She goes to her dad's every other week. Yesterday I pick her up at 7 and she walks up to me and is beet red. I hug her and the heat is pouring off of her. I always carry a thermometer among my other things I need for her and I take her temp right there.. its 103! I throw her in car and off we go to Children's Hospital. As we wait for the doc I look thru her glucose log book and see that she had sugars over 400 over the week end!! Then I find out from DD that her dad never tested for ketones even though he wrote in the book that he did. I am so mad at this point I want to hit someone. They do blood work and a urine sample and several hours later we thankfully find out its Strep and a urinary tract infection.
So I call my wonderful ex and tell him about our evening and he gets mad at me and says I over reacted and that he did not think she was warm at all when he hugged her bye. What?? She was red.. lobster red.. moaning in pain.. gasping because her throat hurt so bad.. We meet at a grocery and I saw him hug her bye and she walked ten feet to me. I know these symptoms did not appear in her 3 second walk from him to me. She threw up over the week end and was coughing so they gave her dayquil.. never took her temp.
I am so mad. She is not like any other kid. She gets sick and it can be bad. We have to be ahead of the illness to keep it from getting worse. He ignored her symptoms for 2 days. I just get so fed up with him .. I have taken him to court.. called CPS.. tried to get emergency protection orders. When does it stop? I should not have to worry about what is happening to my DD when she is with her dad but each week when she is there I stress and fret and just worry..
I'm sorry.. I just needed to vent to people who may understand. He keeps saying that I make too big of a deal about her diabetes and that she needs to just be able to act like a normal kid.. but she's not "normal". She has diabetes.. she can't just go over to the nieghbors house and play with no worries.. she can't even go to bed witout going thru a routine. She cannot handle the flu like most kids.. her special needs have to be priority and I just wish he would get that. I dont let her diabetes stop her from doing anything but I do make sure she is taken care of along the way.
Like I said .. I'm sorry.. I have just been so angry at this and I needed to let it out. Thanks for listening.

KPeveler
05-07-2007, 11:50 AM
no offense and i know nothing about your ex, but this is actually grounds to revise custody sometimes, especially if this is not the first time. a fever, strep, and infection is VERY serious for a person with diabetes, especially a child. perhaps you need to revise custody until he can learn more about it...

Chloesmom
05-07-2007, 12:07 PM
no offense and i know nothing about your ex, but this is actually grounds to revise custody sometimes, especially if this is not the first time. a fever, strep, and infection is VERY serious for a person with diabetes, especially a child. perhaps you need to revise custody until he can learn more about it...

No offense taken.. this is not the first time he has medically neglected her.. and I have been to court several times ( the last time was late last year) and called CPS to get help. No one cares.. to put it simply. They keep spouting off about his right to see her... blah blah.. but no one cares about Chloe. I have spent $5000 in trying to get his visits limited and I keep getting turned away. I'm at my wits end. I have a call in to my lawyer but he is in court until later this afternoon.

KPeveler
05-07-2007, 12:44 PM
well best of luck... i cant believe how some people put parental rights over safety of children. if he ever hit her, then they would of course suspend visitation... what they dont realize is that medical neglect is far worse in some cases!

BCV23
05-07-2007, 01:51 PM
We have a son with type I juvenile onset so I can empathize with your concerns when your daughter is ill. It really throws everything out of whack.

Have you considered having your daughter start to be involved with some of her care? You could easily teach her how to read for ketones and give her a supply. At her age, she'd probably prefer to do that herself rather than involve her father anyway. Digital thermometers are safe and easy for a child to read. Is it possible for her to call you if ketones are present or if she has a fever?

Divorced or not, I think most dads just aren't as likely to notice illness. If she could do those simple things, you might rest easier.

Chloesmom
05-07-2007, 06:41 PM
I wish it was as easy as that. DD does do everything such as testing and giving her own shots but my ex is very controlling. She is allowed to call me one time a day at 8 pm ( its a court order.. it has been ugly). He takes the phone up and carries it with him so she cannot use it. She called 911 once on him because he went to bed for several hours and locked his door and she was scared and felt bad.. she was just 7 then. Ever since then he carries phone because of course the police were not happy with him and he punished her for it. he also goes thru her bag and takes out anything he does not want her to have. She has a cell but he puts it up when she is there so I dont even send it anymore.
At my house she does pretty much everything on her own. She has been very involved in her care since she was diagnosed but he has to control so much that he takes that away from her. She does her own shots but he insists on doing them there and giving them in her butt which she hates.
Its a really really bad situation for her. I could easily see if she just had a sore throat missing it.. but liek I said.. she was lobster red and she is a pale red head normally. It was obvious something was wrong.She had 300 blood sugars... red flag.. He knew he should be testing for ketones because he lied about it.. its just a mess.

BCV23
05-07-2007, 07:58 PM
Oh, :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: to you both.

Is she feeling better yet and have her glucose levels come down? Good luck to both of you.

hematite153
05-07-2007, 09:21 PM
I'm sorry to hear you're having such a rough situation. I can certainly understand why you were/are worried about your DD's health being properly monitored.

The degree of control that you describe him exercising over her is out of control. It sounds abusive even if you ignore the medical neglect piece. Does he at least let her see the log book? If so, there's got to be a way for her to be able to reach you if she's sick or worried about her levels. He takes the phone with him, he takes her cell phone, but in this era of miniaturization isn't there some way to hide an emergency beacon in her bag? Okay, this does sound a little crazy but it seems like it ought to exist.

I hope your lawyer has some good advice and that your DD feels better soon.

Chloesmom
05-07-2007, 11:21 PM
Oh, :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: to you both.

Is she feeling better yet and have her glucose levels come down? Good luck to both of you.

Thank you for the hugs.. we for sure need them. Thankfully Chloe is much better. He sugar is still a tad high ( 170s) for her but much much better. her temp is fluctuating around 99 so thats much better.
As for her log book.. apparently ( I found this out today) her dad fills it out right before he brings her back to me and does not fill it in as he tests, etc. She says it stays in her bag until he packs her back up to go and then he fills it out. She does see her numbers when she tests and if I ask her how her numbers are she will say " high" or " low" but thats about it. I would love to find someway to sneak her phone in with her. I got it for her so she could call when there was a problem and it has never really been used.
I talked to my lawyer, her social worker at Children's, and her nurse practitioner and we are going to have a family meeting to discuss several of the issues. The SW said she could contact CPS if she feels there is neglect on his behalf so we will have to see. Last meeting we had he called and cancelled literally 2 minutes before it was supposed to start. Everyone else was there waiting for him and we find out he is not coming and he refused to reschedule. I ended up having to take him to court.. again .. that time.
Oh.. I forgot.. she got ringworm several weeks ago from his cats and she is on an anti fungal cream and he refused to treat her this week end bacuse he said its not ringworm and it was pointless... I guess he knows more than her doc. The best part is that now she has more spots of it.. I suspect from her visit 2 weeks ago since the cat in question sleeps with her.

WildGrits
05-08-2007, 02:17 AM
Might I suggest a better way to get CPS attention.

You will always come off as being the embittered ex-wife. I don't mean that's what I think you are, that's what CPS will think.

Have your daughter request to see the school nurse every Monday that she comes back from visits. She mentions that her father is giving her shot in her behind and it's sore should get someones attention.

Unfortunately none of your other complaints will get you far.

LindsayDunn228
05-08-2007, 08:44 AM
Might I suggest a better way to get CPS attention.

You will always come off as being the embittered ex-wife. I don't mean that's what I think you are, that's what CPS will think.

Have your daughter request to see the school nurse every Monday that she comes back from visits. She mentions that her father is giving her shot in her behind and it's sore should get someones attention.

Unfortunately none of your other complaints will get you far.

Um, what are you insinuating by suggesting she tell the school nurse this?

hematite153
05-08-2007, 08:47 AM
Your daughter is getting old enough to possibly want to call some friends when she is with her father. Does she have a friend who is trustworthy with a mother that you know?

Perhaps you could work out a code system. If she's worried about something (glucose levels, not testing for ketones, etc.) she could ask to call her friend. They could talk about other things but have a code (i.e. if I talk about elephants get your mother to call my mother) that the friend's mother could remind her about regularly. In order for this to work she'd have to start calling her friend when she wasn't worried about anything so that it becomes a regular thing. Plus, your DD would need to realize that the code should be reserved for serious problems.

Just a thought. Good luck with your meeting.

btw, having your DD go to the school nurse (or really anyone at school) might help but it's unlikely to work if the message comes through that you sent her there.

WildGrits
05-08-2007, 09:27 AM
Um, what are you insinuating by suggesting she tell the school nurse this?

To insinuate is to to suggest or hint slyly. I am not insinuating anything.

I would however advocate for any child being touched in a way that makes them uncomfortable. I have been teaching a program for scouts in this age group called Don't Go There for a few years now. An eight year old has the right to not be the victim of some adult's power trip.

I don't know too many Diabetics but the ones I do know don't take their shots in this area. And an child like an adult has the right to choose where there injection site is within reason.

There is no insinuation in having the child talk to their school nurse about this situation. Anything that makes a child uncomfortable about what is being done to them has the right to tell any adult in their community. Unfortunately they usually don't know this unless a parent has had a discussion with them about it.

{deep breath}

So on that note, please know I am pulling for you and DD.

WildGrits
05-08-2007, 09:31 AM
Your daughter is getting old enough to possibly want to call some friends when she is with her father. Does she have a friend who is trustworthy with a mother that you know?


I like the idea but personally if this gentleman has the issues she speaks of, I would be very upset if another mother knowlingly put my DD in this situation.

KPeveler
05-08-2007, 09:36 AM
Forgive me if I am saying something you already know (after all, you've been doing this for a while) but do you feel as uncomfortable as I would if someone was touching my daughter's behind when she did not want him to. If this was the only option for an injection site I could understand, but it obviously is not. I am not saying that he is trying to do something sexually inappropriate with your DD, but it is NEVER okay to touch someone there if they say no, not even for medical reasons if there is another option...

LindsayDunn228
05-08-2007, 09:39 AM
I would however advocate for any child being touched in a way that makes them uncomfortable. I have been teaching a program for scouts in this age group called Don't Go There for a few years now. An eight year old has the right to not be the victim of some adult's power trip.

I must have missed the part where she was being touched in an inappropriate way. I will go back and reread the OPs.

ETA: Ok, there it is. He is giving her her shots, which she doesn't want him to do. My bad.

KPeveler
05-08-2007, 10:04 AM
also, he is doing it in a location she does not want him to... in an area most people deem inappropriate...

Chloesmom
05-08-2007, 10:08 AM
Forgive me if I am saying something you already know (after all, you've been doing this for a while) but do you feel as uncomfortable as I would if someone was touching my daughter's behind when she did not want him to. If this was the only option for an injection site I could understand, but it obviously is not. I am not saying that he is trying to do something sexually inappropriate with your DD, but it is NEVER okay to touch someone there if they say no, not even for medical reasons if there is another option...

Thats a very interesting take on the behind shot issue that I never thought of.. something I will bring up to my lawyer and see about. I guess i always figured it was her dad and never thought about it.
hematite153- That would be a great idea.. if he let her call people. To give you and idea.. on her birthday my family tried to call her and he would not let her answer the phone or call them back.. In fact the fact that they called her made him angry and he refused to let me talk to her that day also..
I have talked to the nurse about it and the school secretary about it and the secretary even testified for me in court about things Chloe had said, her trend of illness when she returned ( she has allergies and he smokes, has 20 cats). They have both been very very helpful in that sense. I have not been able to really discuss the strep issue with the nurse yet since DD has not been back to school. As I said before her social worker at Children's was not very happy with what I told her and said she could go to CPS if she thought it was warrented. Wildgrits is correct that it is nearly impossible to get CSP to listen. She has not been " hit" so they dont really know what to do. My lawyer said its important to call even if there is no positive resolution so that there is a documented history .

KPeveler
05-08-2007, 10:11 AM
It is not that he is purposefully sexually mistreating your daughter or anything, but that has to make her feel uncomfortable. i remember when I was that age I got a rash on my behind (excema or something like that) and I would not let the doctor (male) or even my mom look at it! i was so embarrassed to have someone looking at my naked behind! so if it makes her feel uncomfortable, and especially if it causes pain, then it is not ok... even if he does not mean to do it in a "sexual" way...

hematite153
05-08-2007, 10:18 AM
I like the idea but personally if this gentleman has the issues she speaks of, I would be very upset if another mother knowlingly put my DD in this situation.

Yes, I understand this concern which is why I asked for a mother that she knew. The OP could have a discussion with the mother about the full situation and talk out the possibility. (Given that it doesn't sound like he really knows a lot about what his DD likes the DD might even be able to call the friend's mother and chat with her every week.)

However, it sounds like the whole idea won't work if her father won't let her talk to ANYONE.

As a teacher I know that I am obligated to report to CPS if I hear stories like this. Doesn't mean everyone will. But, it does mean that if your DD understands she can talk to adults at school then she might eventually get listened to.

On the 20 cats issue...is that not enough to have the SPCA check out the environment? I thought there were pet limits (unless he has a kennel licence) and you were considered to be neglecting the pets if you went over this number.

Michigan
05-08-2007, 10:47 AM
Wow, don't have much advice just if both the hospital and school contact CPS they should listen.

Can you get a court order that she is allowed to have a cell phone and can call you whenever she wants?

As I'm typing this I think if I were you I would maybe invest in a private investigator.

OneLittleSpark
05-08-2007, 10:47 AM
Good luck, I hope everything works out well :hug:. I'm glad to hear that your daughter is on the mend, I hope she's fully recovered soon. I know it's hard sometimes, but do keep fighting. Talk to anyone who might be able to help, and keep talking to them until they do something. Someone in my family has been fighting for a couple of years to change the visiting rights her negligent ex had over her son and they've finally won (with greatly limited visiting rights as well as him having to pay all back maintenance fees, plus all legal fees).

Good luck and we're all rooting for you :thumbsup2 !

welovedisneyx4
05-08-2007, 11:07 AM
I have a couple of thoughts on this.

I agree w/ letting the school and teachers know about the issue of your DD being sick and the father not treating it. Especially in this case w/ your DD having diabetes, maybe w/ the mandatory reporting, someone w/ the school could get a bit further w/ CPS.

Now w/ giving the shot in the butt, I have a little different take on it. Our DS is 6 and we have started giving his shots in his butt. He is on the skinny side and his arms were getting in really bad shape from having his shots there. The school nurse suggested we stop giving them in the arm all the time. We can use his thighs, but there is so little fat there. When we are at home, we give them in his butt and if he is at school or out in public, we do his arms or legs. He is not crazy about getting the shots in his butt, but it is in his best intrest. OP, I'm not really saying this to you, b/c you know what is best for your DD, I was just trying to clear up some of the confussion about places to give the shots. (And, OP, I am not taking up for ex-husband!!! What a pain he sounds like!!)

Good luck, I hope your DD gets completly better soon. We ended up at the ER when DS got sick for the first time after being diagnosed. The diabetes just adds so much more to the worry of a sick child.:hug:

KPeveler
05-08-2007, 11:13 AM
I understand that if the rear end is the only place you can give a shot, then that is what has to happen, but if there are other places and he insists on doing it in her butt I would wonder why... it may be just to be stubborn or rude, but if it makes her uncomfortable and there are other options, then i would be concerned.

JerJan
05-08-2007, 11:44 AM
I know it's a bit EXTREME, but....do what I did when I got tired of dealing with my DD's father. I moved out of the state! Problem solved!

Selket
05-08-2007, 11:44 AM
I am REALLY sorry for going through this with your daughter. His care of her over the weekend was clearly negligent - especially with not checking the ketones. I just cannot imagine!

I would hope that you try posting over at the Children With Diabetes forums (do you already?) - and re-post that over there. There are other moms going through similar issues so they might be of some help. (My 5 yr old is type 1 - dx'd about 3 years ago now.) The forums are at http://forums.childrenwithdiabetes.com/index.php and I HIGHLY suggest you post it in the Parents of kids with Type 1 forum rather than the others. It will get the most response there. The disboards are great but ALL of us at the other forum have type kids or type 1 family members - for the most part. The people there often have good suggestions.

A good lawyer is my only suggestion - it sounds like you've tried many avenues.

Talking Hands
05-08-2007, 04:58 PM
Actually the most common sites for injecting insulin are the arms, the stomach, the front and sides of the legs. The butt while it can be used is rarely used by most diabetics. There are plenty of sites to inject without making the child uncomfortable and still rotate injection sites regularly.

Diabetic 25 years on NPH and R

makinorlando
05-08-2007, 05:36 PM
I don't have any advice or suggestions. I just want to send :grouphug: to you and your DD.

I find your ex's behavior to be very disturbing and can only imagine how stressful it must be for DD to visit - which I am sure in turn is not good for her blood sugar! The whole situation - cats and allergies & ringworm, not testing properly & the injection situation, and not allowing for outside contact or the ability to even if there would be an emergency all seem to be red flags that things are not right!

I wish you all the best and hope that you are able to get someone with some power to listen.

Chloesmom
05-08-2007, 07:49 PM
I know it's a bit EXTREME, but....do what I did when I got tired of dealing with my DD's father. I moved out of the state! Problem solved!

I have indeed thought about doing this very thing.. but as my lawyer pointed out he could very well get her for a whole month during the summer which would kill me. He only gets her as a show to his mom who is paying his way in life.. she paid his lwyer fees, his child support when they threatened to toss him in jail.. he has to look like the model father so instead of just admitting he is uninterested he keeps playing this game.
We went to court to get a court order for her to carry her cell phone but he claimed it did not get service where he lives and the judge was getting very irritated over the whole phone call ordeal and just said to forget it.. Once again.. someone not understanding the importance of why she needs to have something.
My Dd is anything but skinny.. she has lots of padding to take shots on her arms and tummy and her legs. She rotates her shots very well even though she hates her legs. She hit a vessel once and got this big purple knot.. it was ugly. When I took her in for her strep they offered the shot in the butt for it and she lost her mind. She begged them not to do it there and to please let her have pills. It was an interesting look into how much she does not want a shot in her butt. Everyone prefers a certain spot.. hers is not her butt...
I talked to her school nurse some this afternoon on the phone and she said she was going to bring Chloe up tomorrow and talk to her. Of course she has to hear what happened from a person who was there.. not from me so she wants to hear it from Chloe's mouth. All of the school staff have really taken Chloe under their wing and they all just adore her so they are a good ally to have.
I appreciate all of the support.. sometimes as a mom you dont know if you are being realistic or over reacting. My family and friends here would love to see dad play in traffic so its hard to get a normal reaction from them when things happen.. its good to hear that I am not over reacting from unbiased people.
I am happy to report that Chloe is much much better and is going to school tomorrow. She declared that she was bored today and wants to go to school.

aepecoraro
05-08-2007, 10:38 PM
I also dont have any advice but I will provide many :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: . And I will keep you in my prayers! Glad to hear Chole is doing better and wants to go to school. :)

Chloesmom
05-09-2007, 06:03 PM
I wanted to update everyone.. Cps was called today.. by him on me.. almost comical. HE complained that my home was filthy, chloe was underfed, and that I had a wild animal as a pet who had ringworm. First the wild animal is a domestic skunk who has only been outside to go on car rides. She is legal, licensed, and goes to the vet 2 times a year for check ups. In fact all of my pets ( 2 dogs and Yzma the skunk) just went to the vet for their boosters and check ups.. the same week I noticed the ringworm on Chloe and they got a super clean bill of health. Chloe is FAR from underfed. She is very solid :rolleyes: and is actually on a " diet" from the dietician. She is not on a diet to lose wight but to make sure she is not getting too much fat which is a problem with diabetics if they are not careful. Anyway.. I showed the CPS worked all of my vet papers, my DR papers, the hospital papers I got from her strep.. I showed her my house.. and the above mentioned skunk who she loved. I told her what was happening and she was heading out there tomorrow to check their place out. He did not mention his tribe of cats to her or any of the details from last week. She was not not not happy. She did not knwo there had been a report on him last year from me so she was pulling that to look over. Here's crossing our fingers that SOMEONE will make him do better. I dont want him out of her life.. but I want him to do right.

makinorlando
05-09-2007, 07:17 PM
I wanted to update everyone.. Cps was called today.. by him on me.. almost comical. HE complained that my home was filthy, chloe was underfed, and that I had a wild animal as a pet who had ringworm. First the wild animal is a domestic skunk who has only been outside to go on car rides. She is legal, licensed, and goes to the vet 2 times a year for check ups. In fact all of my pets ( 2 dogs and Yzma the skunk) just went to the vet for their boosters and check ups.. the same week I noticed the ringworm on Chloe and they got a super clean bill of health. Chloe is FAR from underfed. She is very solid :rolleyes: and is actually on a " diet" from the dietician. She is not on a diet to lose wight but to make sure she is not getting too much fat which is a problem with diabetics if they are not careful. Anyway.. I showed the CPS worked all of my vet papers, my DR papers, the hospital papers I got from her strep.. I showed her my house.. and the above mentioned skunk who she loved. I told her what was happening and she was heading out there tomorrow to check their place out. He did not mention his tribe of cats to her or any of the details from last week. She was not not not happy. She did not knwo there had been a report on him last year from me so she was pulling that to look over. Here's crossing our fingers that SOMEONE will make him do better. I dont want him out of her life.. but I want him to do right.


In an odd way - he probably did you a favor in the end by calling them. This way they have seen your situation already, and can go visit hiw armed with that information.

I hope all continues to go well for Chloe and you can get the issues of concern resolved!

disneydance
05-10-2007, 12:26 AM
This is hoorible your dh is terrible he should respect yur daughter more. I have a df who is goin through similar cutody promblem with her dh and all he is doing is making her mad. He takes away all there kids phone. DD is diabetiic and never does anthing right never want to give her shots etc. She hates it and cps does nothing and it just makes the rest of the family dad hope you get your figure out soon:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

hematite153
05-10-2007, 08:12 PM
:rotfl: I actually laughed when I read your update. It's great that he called CPS. Yeah, so it was probably stressful. But, when you know that you are doing everything right (and even doing extras like making sure the pets get checked out because your DD got ringworm and you want to be absolutely certain) then you know that he really shot himself in the foot.

I have encountered situations where CPS assumes that parents only call them about their ex's because of a battle with the ex--rather than a concern about the children. These situations can make it hard for the parent with a legitimate safety concern to be listened to--it sounds like this is the battle you've been fighting.

Now, since he called them, he is the one who looks bitter--not you--and they ought to follow-up by checking out his place and his pets. I'm crossing my fingers that this follows the progression I'm expecting.

Did Chloe enjoy being back at school?