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kimis
04-24-2007, 08:54 AM
:sad2: I have always wondered how people feel when it is mothers day and their mother had passed away that year. Well now I will find out:sad1: My mother was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer in June of 2006 and was gone three and a half months later. I miss her more than most people can understand. I have 2 sisters who seem to think I am the strong one---I am the oldest. All of the holidays have been sad but I am doing my best to make them special for all of us, our children and grandchildren. However with Mothers Day I am not sure I can pull it of. I would appreciate your prayers and a lot of pixie dust. I have just very recently had to put my dad in an assisted living enviroment also. None of this seems real to me. I am dreading Mothers Day sooooo much! My children are all adults and they seem to have the whole weekend booked. They know it will be hard but they seem to think if we stay busy I won't think about too much. Little do they know.
If any of you fellow disners are going through the same thing than you will be in my prayers also.

mommasita
04-24-2007, 10:06 AM
Hi. I still have my mother, but I lost my MIL 6 years ago April...I don't know firsthand your pain, but I can try... My little SIL was only 17 when her mom passed, and the rest of the children were married..I think it was hard on everyone, but my older SIL had the most pain. SHe still does..

Rather than NOT celebrate Mother's Day, we do, as well as her birthday. It is not easy, but we feel it is best for everyone. We have a BBQ, talk about her, laugh and cry, and boy does it feel good.

I hope you find comfort in whatever you do..:hug: :hug:

JandJ
04-24-2007, 10:37 AM
I am so sorry for your loss :sad1: You have my deepest sympathy. My mom is in Heaven too :angel: I miss her every day more than words can possibly say. She was my best friend, my confidant, the person I went to with every single little thing and all of the big things too. She passed 4 months before my wedding. The last thing we did together was buy my wedding gown and I treasure the memory of that day more than anyone understands.

This will be my second Mother's Day without my mom. I have a MIL and DH and I celebrate with her (we don't have kids of our own yet). I love my MIL, but she will never be my mom. I finally started seeing a psychologist last summer to help me deal with the sadness. That along with the complete support of my husband has really helped.

One of the hardest things for me is buying cards. Mom and I were always big on cards - for every ocassion. Mom's birthday was May 7th, so it always fell right around Mother's Day. I could never find one birthday card or one Mother's Day card that said everything I wanted to say, so I'd buy her a funny card, a senitmental card, a loving card - she got a lot of cards! Last year I just went through the motions and got MIL a card. I didn't even read them. This year I thought I could be strong and really find MIL a great card, as well as one for my sister and my Godmother. Well, I lost it in the middle of Hallmark. I was just standing there, staring at all the cards and started sobbing. I tried really hard but I had to walk away. It was too much. My therapist suggested I buy my mom a card and a bouquet of flowers, which I always got her for Mother's Day, but I am not ready to do that. Just thinking about doing that makes me cry.

I have 2 siblings and I love them but we are not very close - physically or emotionally. Thankfully I have the most caring and wonderful husband! Without him I would not have made it through the last couple of years. We'll mark the anniversary of mom's passing in June. May and June are really difficult months.

Please know there are people (albeit virtual strangers) who feel great sympathy for all you are going through. My daddy has terminal cancer. They gave him 3 years and that was 3 years ago this month. Every day he is here is a gift but when his time comes I know mom will be waiting for him.

God Bless.

Mackey Mouse
04-25-2007, 06:39 AM
Hugs to the previous posters...

It has been 20 years since my Mom passed away.....she died as far as I am concerned way too early for myself and my children. I carry her in my heart everyday and sometimes when I laugh or say something I sound like her and it just makes me smile. Mothers day, actually all holidays, are not easy as I wish that my children had more time with her. We all miss her and I think it has been exceptionally difficult for my daughters as my Dad died when I was 17 so they only had their Nana......thankfully I did have wonderful in-laws so they did both grandparents on that side.

I wish I could say it gets easier, it hurts less and you remember the good memories. We talk about her all the time and I try to share little things from my childhood so that my children will pass them on to their children someday.

antmaril
04-25-2007, 08:09 AM
I'm sorry for your loss. I know how you feel.

I lost my beloved mother suddenly 25 years ago today. I still miss her every day. It gets easier as the years go by, but the void is always there.

WDWLVR
04-25-2007, 08:53 AM
:grouphug: I know where you are coming from. My Mom has been gone for 10 years now (well 10 years this October). Mother's day is hard for me because it is always close to her birthday which is May 9th.

Hopefully you can fill your day with happy memories. That is what I try and do. All my best.

Lovela
04-25-2007, 10:12 AM
I'm so sorry to hear this. May my pixie dust will all be with you! :hug:
I still have a Mum and I love her lots :cheer2:
Just so you know. You all are adults and have lost a mother at a very old age. No offence. But what about the other children in the orphanage? Wouldn't they feel bad :sad2: ? So..Hope everybody is happy with their lives right now :flower3: . Time can be quite a trouble :hourglass . So cherish it. Every second. Every moment. Even a turn! :grouphug:

Love,

Lovela.

kimis
04-25-2007, 12:55 PM
I agree it is very sad when a child losses a mother. My mother wasn't very old. She was only in her sixties. I guess I don't care if she would have been 100---I still don't think I had enough time with her.
I do thank you all for your pixie dust and prayers. I never turn either of them away.
I should say I have buried two brothers also. One to cancer and one to an accident because the other driver wasn't paying attention. I thought that was the hardest 2 times in my life but that was before mom went. My mother was my best friend, mentor and the person who was always there. Not just for me but for everyone. So I continue to miss her and I always will. Mothers day will never be the same.
Again thank you all.

rlduvall
04-25-2007, 02:24 PM
Your post just gave me chills. You see, on February 24, 2006 (funny how you never forget the date) my mother was diagnosed with advanced small cell lung cancer - she is 64 years old - and my bestfriend. Odd as it sounds, while she is still unbelievably here (they gave her 8-10 months max) with us and still undergoing chemo, I have grieved every day since that diagnosis. You and I both know the statistics of this type of cancer and I never dreamed I would experience a 2nd Mother's Day with her; like I am. BUT, every day I wonder when . . . when is she going to go. We have had many times I thought were the end, just to find out it was a reaction to pain medication or pneumonia or something not life threatening. It has been slowly killing me. :sad2: I have faith in God and that is the only thing that keeps me going . . . that and I try to plan Disney trips to distract me.

I would never have understood your pain until I experienced it myself. You have my utmost and sincere condolences. I'm not sure how I will function should she die soon, but I have to be there for my 7 year old son and my DH. Oops, I think I just made this all about me. I'm sorry - I am a very reserved and closed off individual, but when I decide to open up . . . I do. ;)

xoprincessmomxo
04-25-2007, 03:56 PM
Prayers and pixie dust to you! My mommy died six years ago this coming June 30 of lung cancer at 50 years old. She passed away exactly one week after I found out I was pregnant with my first child. While the holidays will always be different from now on, they will get easier with time. The holidays that I still have trouble with are Mother's Day, my Birthday, and Christmas (her favorite), but I just try to remember all of the great times we had together. I also tell stories about her to my dds so even though they didn'y get a chance to meet her, they will know about what a wonderful woman she was. She would have adored them. I remember once when she was so sick talking about our trips to WDW, and how she was so happy that we were able to do that. So now when I try to justify the $ for our trip to dh, I remind him that when we're old and our children grow, what will we remember? New furniture or a once in a lifetime trip with our girls to WDW?!?:hug:

Teacher03
04-26-2007, 09:42 PM
:grouphug: to you, this is also my first mother's day without my mom. We have a couple of hard days coming up; her birthday is Saturday, May 6 is my parents' anniversary, and the following Sunday is Mother's Day. My daughter is also graduating from college on May 6th, and for me, it is so heartbreaking that my mom won't be there to see her. She was so proud of her, and it is her first grandchild to graduate from college. When I hear another story of a mom lost too soon, like yours and mine, I feel like we are in a special club that no one else understands unless they have been through it. I have to tell you that I find comfort talking here on the DIS; so keep coming back. My friends have stopped asking about my mom, and it seems here like I can talk with others in the same boat.

daisy2
04-26-2007, 11:56 PM
I am so sorry about your mom Kimis... I lost my mom 4 years ago in January of 2004. She was only 54. I still to this day have a hard time with her being gone. Mothers day was the hardest of them all. I couldn't even go into the store where threre were Mother's Day cards because I would loose it in the middle of the card isle. I am getting better but I still have to go around the mother days cards and avoid them. All I know is my mom is in a better place than she was here on earth. I know she is not in any pain and she is happy now. But I sure do miss her voice and her presence.. God Bless you all...

Lovela
04-27-2007, 12:12 AM
I agree it is very sad when a child losses a mother. My mother wasn't very old. She was only in her sixties. I guess I don't care if she would have been 100---I still don't think I had enough time with her.
I do thank you all for your pixie dust and prayers. I never turn either of them away.
I should say I have buried two brothers also. One to cancer and one to an accident because the other driver wasn't paying attention. I thought that was the hardest 2 times in my life but that was before mom went. My mother was my best friend, mentor and the person who was always there. Not just for me but for everyone. So I continue to miss her and I always will. Mothers day will never be the same.
Again thank you all.

I am so...Sorry for you.

safetymom
04-27-2007, 05:16 AM
I lost my Mom 12 years ago. There isn't a day that I don't think about her. Moms are the glue that hold a family together.

We have a whole bunch of memories of my Mom and take comfort in them. They bring a smile to our face.

kimis
04-27-2007, 08:37 AM
:grouphug: to you, this is also my first mother's day without my mom. We have a couple of hard days coming up; her birthday is Saturday, May 6 is my parents' anniversary, and the following Sunday is Mother's Day. My daughter is also graduating from college on May 6th, and for me, it is so heartbreaking that my mom won't be there to see her. She was so proud of her, and it is her first grandchild to graduate from college. When I hear another story of a mom lost too soon, like yours and mine, I feel like we are in a special club that no one else understands unless they have been through it. I have to tell you that I find comfort talking here on the DIS; so keep coming back. My friends have stopped asking about my mom, and it seems here like I can talk with others in the same boat.
Yes we are part of a club that nobody wants to join. We do understand each other. SInce my mom passed my oldest son who was already an EMT/firefighter graduated from paramedic school, my middle son was ordained and started a brand new church and my youngest son graduated from college. It was hard for my mom to know she would miss all of this so she wrote them out cards and made me keep them secret until their special days. It was very hard for her to miss my youngest sons graduation because he is learning disabled (reads at the 4th grade level) and years ago most people thought he would not achieve much. Mom and I were his biggest supporters while he was young. Now he is married, with three kids and he graduated college. Mom was a grandma and great grandma who truelly knew her grandchildren.
I do love the fact I can talk about it here because as you said people have stopped asking or talking about her. It has only been six months. We will keep each other in our prayers.

JandJ
04-27-2007, 10:53 AM
I'm so sorry to hear this. May my pixie dust will all be with you! :hug:
I still have a Mum and I love her lots :cheer2:
Just so you know. You all are adults and have lost a mother at a very old age. No offence. But what about the other children in the orphanage? Wouldn't they feel bad :sad2: ? So..Hope everybody is happy with their lives right now :flower3: . Time can be quite a trouble :hourglass . So cherish it. Every second. Every moment. Even a turn! :grouphug:

Love,

Lovela.

I wasn't going to comment on this but it's been gnawing at me. It does not matter whether a child loses their mother when the child is 10, 20, 40 or 60 - and it does not matter if the mother was 20, 40, 60 or 90 - a child has lost their mother whom they were very close to. You are always your mother's child no matter your age. Of course it's sad for a younger child, orphaned or left with another parent or relative, to lose their mom, but it's insensitive to suggest that if your mother was older (mine was only 65) when she passes, and you were older (I was 35) that you should somehow "get over it" faster or feel differently because of the age :sad2:

kimis
04-27-2007, 01:14 PM
I wasn't going to comment on this but it's been gnawing at me. It does not matter whether a child loses their mother when the child is 10, 20, 40 or 60 - and it does not matter if the mother was 20, 40, 60 or 90 - a child has lost their mother whom they were very close to. You are always your mother's child no matter your age. Of course it's sad for a younger child, orphaned or left with another parent or relative, to lose their mom, but it's insensitive to suggest that if your mother was older (mine was only 65) when she passes, and you were older (I was 35) that you should somehow "get over it" faster or feel differently because of the age :sad2:
Thank you! I just finished ordering flowers for moms grave for Mothers Day. She is buried in our home state of Kansas and I can't put the flowers on her grave myself. The cemetary has assured me that when the flowers are delivered they will put them on the grave and call me to let me know what they look like.
I was 49 when mom passed. She didn't even get to see me hit the big 50!
I do know she is so much better off in a better place but I am not in a place yet where those words are a lot of comfort. Soon maybe.

luvwinnie
05-01-2007, 01:13 PM
Mother's Day is really hard for me since losing my mom on July 12, 2004. We usually go to Mass and I thank God for giving me such an incredible mom and then the cemetery and then DH and I go visit his mom. I'm at work and don't way to start crying, so I'll stop here.

bytheblood
05-02-2007, 07:30 PM
:hug: for all those that are momless...and even dadless.

Kathy C
05-04-2007, 01:31 PM
I wasn't going to comment on this but it's been gnawing at me. It does not matter whether a child loses their mother when the child is 10, 20, 40 or 60 - and it does not matter if the mother was 20, 40, 60 or 90 - a child has lost their mother whom they were very close to. You are always your mother's child no matter your age. Of course it's sad for a younger child, orphaned or left with another parent or relative, to lose their mom, but it's insensitive to suggest that if your mother was older (mine was only 65) when she passes, and you were older (I was 35) that you should somehow "get over it" faster or feel differently because of the age :sad2:

I'm glad you posted. Although I don't think the poster was being insensitive on purpose, it certainly comes across that way. I lost my mom 14 months ago at the young age of 64 to breast cancer. She was my best friend and the first person I told everything to. Losing her left a huge hole in my heart. Her and my dad started dating when they were 15 and he's lost without her. It's so sad to watch. I found out yesterday that my only child (a son, 25) will be having his first baby in Jan 2008. He said, "it really bothers me that Mom-Mom won't be here." I told him she won't be her physically but that she knows and she's with him everyday. I do, though, thank God everyday for all the good times and memories we had as a family. I am not a religious person but know she is in a better place and I get through the days knowing I will someday see my mom again. Happy Mother's Day to everyone!

Tinklvr
05-04-2007, 10:31 PM
I completely understand how you feel. Mother's Day is one of the most difficult days of the year for me. My mom passed away in November 2003 after battling Inflammatory Breast Cancer for 1 1/2 years. I miss her every day, but Mothers Day is especially hard. I work in a drug store, so I see everyone crowded down the card aisle looking for Mother's Day cards and it makes me so sad.

Every year, my siblings and I participate in the Race for the Cure in memory of my mom. I am so glad to have the opportunity to be a part of this because it gives up something special to do on Mother's Day to keep my moms memory alive.

:grouphug: to you.

Dianewes
05-05-2007, 08:00 AM
I really know how you feel, last year in January we found out my Mom had cancer of the uterus...by April she had died. Last year, the first Mother's Day was such a strange day. It was also my nephew's birthday so we put the focus there. But now that the shock has worn off and the every day life has returned, Mother's Day just seems so sad to me. I too am a mother so I know I will put on a brave face and appear to be enjoying the day, but inside I will be so sad because I am so alone since my Mom is gone. I still have her phone number pre-programed in my phone and call it once in a while just to say "hi" (Even though all I get in return is "the number you are trying to reach has been disconnected")::sad1:

JandJ
05-10-2007, 05:09 PM
I just wanted to give a big hug to all of us motherless daughters (and sons) for this Sunday.

:grouphug:

To everyone who is a mom - Happy Mothers Day - enjoy your day and have a wonderful time with your kids (and grandkids if you have them) :flower3:
I am not a mom (yet) and that I think just makes Mothers Day worse but I will put on my brave face and celebrate with my DMIL and make her day special. DH is an only child and she always wanted a daughter and I'm glad to fill that void for her.

Take care everyone!

rainesstuff
05-12-2007, 09:30 AM
Thank you! I just finished ordering flowers for moms grave for Mothers Day. She is buried in our home state of Kansas and I can't put the flowers on her grave myself. The cemetary has assured me that when the flowers are delivered they will put them on the grave and call me to let me know what they look like.
I was 49 when mom passed. She didn't even get to see me hit the big 50!
I do know she is so much better off in a better place but I am not in a place yet where those words are a lot of comfort. Soon maybe.

My Mom passed away April 27th 2007 she had been sick a very long time and I know she was ready to go and in a much better place and it does help give me comfort, Mom had been a Preacher's wife for many years and was a Child of God but I knew my Dad and my Brothers and I would have a hard time this weekend because it has been such a short time since she has passed.
But I know God will be with us and so will Mom in Spirit also, I cryed yesterday and I felt arms wrapped around me wheather it was Mom or my Angel it helped to cry it made me feel better so I can enjoy Mother's Day with my Children.
I hope and Pray every Mother and Child can find some joy in this Mother's Day.
May God Bless You All.
Vanessa

aspcamhreditor2
05-12-2007, 09:58 AM
This is a poignant thread for sure.

Kimis...
I am sorry for your loss. I lost my mother just less than 2 mos. ago. I too am having difficulty with this first Mother's Day. I haven't even been able to shop for cards for my m-i-l and my husband's grandmother.

A couple of weeks ago I started doing 2 things. 1) I started making sure I walked every day and started trying to eat better & lose a little weight. At least I "feel" a little better now.

#2) I've been spending a little more time her on The DIS. I started writing my trip report just as a way of having something to occupy my thoughts.

All my best to you.

bumbershoot
05-13-2007, 02:37 PM
I wasn't going to comment on this but it's been gnawing at me. It does not matter whether a child loses their mother when the child is 10, 20, 40 or 60 - and it does not matter if the mother was 20, 40, 60 or 90 - a child has lost their mother whom they were very close to. You are always your mother's child no matter your age. Of course it's sad for a younger child, orphaned or left with another parent or relative, to lose their mom, but it's insensitive to suggest that if your mother was older (mine was only 65) when she passes, and you were older (I was 35) that you should somehow "get over it" faster or feel differently because of the age :sad2:

Absolutely.

The thing is, with that poster, is that you don't know until you know. I had friends growing up who had lost a parent, and I thought it was sad, but I just did NOT get it. And I'm a sensitive, empathetic, sympathetic person!!! But until I knew what it was like, I had NO idea what it was like.

My mom has been gone 7 years now. I met my now-DH 8 months after she died. Sadly, he had gone through cancer only utilizing non-Western medicine (macrobiotic diet, enzyme treatments, and barometric chamber got rid of his inoperable, benign, BUT growing so fast the diagnosing MDs "gave him" 6 months), and he would have been a PERFECT person for my mom to know (she died thanks to the medical procedures she endured, she was in remission at the time).

DH thought he got it, but he didn't. Now he's closer to getting it, as his dad died the day after Thanksgiving. I'm so sorry that he knows. :(


The thing with grief is that it doesn't matter that the person next to you might have "more" to grieve. Your grief is still your grief. If you try to happy your way through it, if you push it away...it will still be there, waiting for you.

I'm glad that everyone rejected what that poster said. A healthy lot, I say! Oh, and all my friends thought the same way...and they still have all their parents...it was really hard for me when they were all asking me "aren't you done being sad yet?" only a few months afterwards...


And the reality is...with time, you get, well, more time. More time between bouts of sadness. When the sadness comes, it will still be as strong as ever. But the time between is the gift that time gives us. That's what those around me, who KNEW, told me to help me make it through, and it's absolutely true.


Hugs to us all. :grouphug:

safetymom
05-13-2007, 08:01 PM
After my husband died I mentioned to a few people that they didn't get how I was feeling. They said of course they did. I had to explain until you go through it you don't understand. Sorry that is the truth.

Everyones story is a little different and we all grieve differently. There is no timetable when you should be over something. It has been 12 years since my mother and husband passed away and there are still days when it seems like yesterday. But I also realize how far I have come since then.

So I don't ever say to anyone I know what you are feeling because I still don't. I can offer love and support and I am much better at doing that now because I understand how important that is.

Mackey Mouse
05-14-2007, 06:28 AM
HUgs to all who have posted here. It does not matter how old we are when we lose a loved one or how old they were, if you loved them and they were an intricate part of your life, then you will grieve and miss them on special days and just regular days..

I ask that we all be respectful of each other' ways of grieving.....I miss my Mom everyday, she was 72 when she died, I was 40... I grieve that she never saw my first daughter get married, I grieve that she never saw her first great grandson, but most of all I grieve as I miss her advice and love. When things get tough, I would go to her for counsel.. I miss that and I miss her hugs...I feel for my daughters that they did not have more time with this loving woman.. I have my memories of her and they do too....but more time with her would have been wonderful for all of us.

Hugs all around.. yesterday was not an easy day for a lot of us..

kimis
05-14-2007, 10:19 AM
Well Mothers Day is over for 2007. I prayed for all of us who are new members to this "club". I also prayed for all those whose mom has been gone for a long time because I understand we never get over the passing of our mothers. I am grateful for my adult children. They went above and beyond to make sure my day was nice. It was perfect (except my mom is spending it in Heavon).
I appreciate the fact that I am able to come to the Dis board and discuss things like this. There are people who are going through what you are all over the world and this board brings us together. Thanks to all of you for your prayers.