OT- Do you drop 6 yr olds off at a birthday party or stay?

[JoyG]

My 6 yr old son has been invited to birthday parties for the next two weekends.

We had one last weekend and I asked the mom if it was ok if I stayed. I didn't know her and I don't get to school very much b/c of my work schedule so I'm not in the "room mother clique." I thought this would be a great way to meet other moms. But it turns out, I was the only mother that stayed!

Although he's 6, my son is only in kindergarten. There were about 15 kids from his class at the party and all had been dropped off. Is that normal? Am I being over protective when I want to stay?

On a side note, I was shocked at the behavior of some of the boys at the party. They were jumping on the woman's couch, trying to stand on her windowsill, wrestling...I kept thinking, oh my goodness, if your mom saw you, she'd be mortified! :scared1:

I ended up helping out the hostess with the behavior and control problems she was having, but I couldn't help wondering why some of the other moms didn't stay?

[Sandi]

Maybe because their kids jump on the furniture at home?

Just kidding -- kind of. I've always gone with the rule that you don't invite any more children than the age of the birthday child unless you have plenty of adults there, too.

My DD is now 12. By the time she was 6 or 7, she wanted to be at the party by herself. I'd check with the party hosts in advance -- like when I called to say she could go to the party -- to see if they'd like an extra adult there. If so, I'd stay. If not, I'd do a drop off, but then return for pick up a little early and just hang on the sidelines. Sometimes there was a visible reaction of relief on the mom's and dad's faces -- like, thank goodness this is almost over!

I would say you should do what is comfortable for you. I would never leave my child anywhere where I was not comfortable whether she was 6, 12 or 17. You seem to be handling everything perfectly for you.

[Hannathy]

I have never stayed with either of my kids. If it is at a home I don't think I have ever even been invited in. I have never had a parent stay at any of my kids' parties either.

[tjmw2727]

I think by the time my dd's were 6 I was dropping my dd's off for a party at the other childs home. I would always offer to stay and help though, sometimes the host would take me up on that but most times they were all set.

OTOH if it was a place like chuck e cheese or bowling etc I would often stay depending on how far the venue was from my home. It didn't always make sense to drive all the way home only to turn around and go back!

TJ

[bellarella]

Around here age 5 was the transition time. Most parents stayed at 4 year old parties, generally none stayed at 6 year old parties. At age 5 it depended on the party, but it leaned towards not staying.

[Mouse House Mama]

I would stay.

[hollyb]

Here parents stay for the parties. I can't imagine leaving my 6 year along with 20 other 6 year olds for 2 parents to watch. Normally the parties are not at the home, usualy out at play place or the mall. The host of the party also gets food for the adults and sbilings that may come. I have always invited parents and siblings to stay. DD last party was at a farm and we had 35 kids!!! It was a great time.

[3princesses+aprince]

My dd is 7 and I still wouldn't leave her at a party!, especially if I didn't really know them! I am very overprotective, but better safe than sorry!
My 10 yr old stepson just went to a birthday party last weekend for his best friend, and I know the mother very well, so because I had to work, we let him go with her, that was the first time he went without one of us.

[dianemb]

A party at someones home I would most likely leave them but at a resturaunt or store type party I would stay. Most parents will let you know about staying if you ask. I've been to so many where parents just assume it's a babysitting service for 2 hours and have no intention of staying.

[Whosemom]

I was shocked when we had my daughter's 6yo party at a bowling alley in the middle of no where, and hardly anyone stayed. I was fine with it, definitely had things under control, and it was a little place that we had all to ourselves. I had just assumed they'd stay - none of these people knew me at all, and it was to far from anywhere to go do something. Probably 20 minutes form even so much as a McDonalds.

So fast forward to DS going to a 6yo party last week. It was at a church with a big gym for the kids to play in. The mom says, "You are welcome to stay or leave as you want." Again, this is kindergarten, I don't know these people, so I stay. When I said I thought I'd stay, she actually said "whatEver" and then was mildly rude anytime I tried to speak to her. OK. DS can like the boy, but I've done my bit to be friendly to the mom.

My girls birthdays are the first week of October, and until they were 9 and 6 we had bonfires and our church families with similar aged kids would come. Big fall party for everyone - I miss those. Stinkin' kids, wanting theur own parties!! LOL.

[bgirl29]

I think you should feel comfortable with your decision to stay. You wouldnt leave your 6 yr old with a babysitter you hardley know, so why would you leave them at someone's house you dont know just because they have a child the same age as yours. My youngest is 6 and I have left children at parties and I have attended parties, just depends on how comfortable I am with the parents. When my middle child was 6 or 7 a friend started having pool parties at her dad's house over half an hour away. There was no way I was driving 45 minutes in the winter then back home, leaving her by a pool with 1 or 2 adults and however many kids.

[Juliee8]

I have always stayed with them until recently. My son, who is 6 just had a birthday party last weekend and I fully intended to stay with him but when we got there he gave me a kiss and told me that he would see me later. I left the party, but I did leave the mother my cell just in case.

[dougsmom98]

I almost always end up staying. I usually tell the parents that I want to stay for a few minutes until my DS is settled in. In most cases, the parents have needed someone's help in organizing the kids for games... so I end up staying the entire time. There have been a few times when everything is completely under control and I have stayed for 5-10 minutes and double checked with the parents making sure that they didn't need anything and then I have left. Most kindergarten parties I have stayed for, and for the 1st and 2nd grade parties it has been a split. Some I have had to stay for and others I don't. Even if the parent is kind of rude, stay if you have any uncomfortable feelings. One of my friends DD went to a party and when she picked her up, all the adults were drunk.

[KirstenB]

I would have stayed unless the mom had already recruited several other parents whom I knew. It's hard to run a party if there aren't enough adults to help supervise. I definitely wouldn't have been pleaseed to hear that my child was jumping on someone's sofa!! If I heard that, it'd be a long time before I just dropped her off.

[kaysmommie]

I still stay with my DD at parties ( she will 7 tommorow). We had her party at Gymnastics this past weekend and about half the parents stayed, the rest dropped off. If you feel better staying then stay. I even plan on parents staying and make sure to have plenty of food and cake for them.

[snickerboo]

My dd just turned 7 and I drop her off at parties though she is very confident and mature. I just had her party at a gymnasium and no parents stayed. I had it in my home last year and none stayed either. They stayed when the kids were 4 or 5 but not anymore.

[Worfiedoodles]

DS turned 9 in January, and almost all the parents (except for a few fathers who wandered into other areas of the venue) stayed. We stay for all his parties, too.

It's not that we don't feel comfortable with these folks, ds has been in school with them and we've been doing things with them (sports, school, etc.) since he was 4. It's just the norm where we live. I wouldn't expect someone else to be responsible for my child or watch him. He has had one overnight, and we didn't feel we needed to stay for that! It's just in the environment of a party with so much going on, I want to make sure we are watching him, and more importantly watching strangers.

Most parties are held somewhere other than a home (hotel pool, plaster place, Chuck E. Cheese, bowling, sports complex, etc.), so there are usually other strangers around.

If you want to stay, don't be shy. You should do what feels right for your child. Then you can't go wrong. :)

[digman6]

I always drop off unless they are looking like they need extra help. I must also add that we live in a very small community,everyone knows everyone and there business unfortuantly!:scared1:
We have had parties that are at waterparks for dd, and in that case I would ask a couple parents to attend and I paid for there addmission for helping out.
I think it really depends on the kids and there compfort level. I have seen parents come and stay for 20 minutes until there child felt ok and then leave.

What ever your comfort level is and your childs thats what you should go with.

[stczt]

I usually stay at home parties for my younger 2 (8&9) parents are usually glad for the backup and its a way for me to get to know these strangers. I Always stay at public parties, Chuck e. Cheese, bowling skating. I know they arent able to watch my kids like I can. I have heard of to many bad things happening at Chuck E. Cheese. I am practially joined to thier hips there.

[JoyG]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

It was good to see what the consensus was. I was thinking about having the twins' birthday at the zoo this summer, and it seems like from what you all are saying, since it's a public place I might get a few more parents sticking around than going.

Another thing I remembered about this home party is that two of the boys in my son's class have peanut allergies and they were there without their parents!

My my other son has peanut allergies that's why I'm so sensitive about that subject. There's no way he'll be staying at a party by himself until I know he can give himself his epi pen. That seems like it would be too much responsibility to lump on the hostess.

[BellePrincessBelle]

They kick 'em out at the curb here. We live in a small community so everyone pretty much knows everyone else at the party.

[Lisa_Belle]

In our group parents stay. Not so much to keep an eye on the kids but because we have our own parent "social hour." I hate to say it, but even though we are at the party, we rarely seem to know what your kids are doing. Half the time we don't even know where they are. :

ETA: Anyone who has 15 6-year-olds at a party in their home is certifiably crazy. Definitely stay.

[rt2dz]

What I have noticed is it depends on a host of factors. It depends on where the party is. How large the party is. How well you know the parents of the birthday child. Etc., Etc.

When DS turned 6 last month, I put on the invite that they had to have an adult with them. It was (1) a large party and (2) at a venue where there is no way to watch them all at once. Most parents would probably not have left anyhow due to the venue.

DS6 has been to a few parties this year (most his friends are all turning 6 now) and it has been a mix. Good friends of the parents might leave, others are sure to stay. I've been asked if I'm leaving or staying many times and I've asked once or twice if you mind if I stay (and the parent always says happily/with relief "stay").

I've always stayed; either I don't know the parents well or the venue/size of the party makes me think I should. At one little boys party, the parents were shocked at how many dropped off their kids. They didn't mind it, but it did surprise them (and their son was the youngest of 4!). It's also how I've been able to get to know some of the other parents or the kids. Many times I've also just been helpful.

[CampbellScot]

It tends to be a New Jersey thing to stay at parties. I had never encountered that in my entire life until I moved here and married a man with kids! My husband or I will stay with with my step son when the party is held at a large venue...

I don't think you are doing anything wrong wanting to stay with your son at a home you aren't familiar with. Nowadays you have to be extra careful. If it had been someone you knew I'd probably have left him for a little bit.

On the two occasions that my step son (4) has been dropped off at a party and we left, he ended up with a black eye! (running around like a maniac and running into another boy, both times) Unfortunately he is one of those little guys who takes the energy of the room and goes nuts with it. He is very bright and knows when there are no adults around that are going to enforce rules. Stinker...it seems all little boys are like that! The last time we picked him up from a "black eye" party, we made him apologize to the hostess and to the boy he smacked into. The other boy's mom had her son do the same. Then we let him know that he wouldn't be going to the next party he was invited to as it appeared he couldn't behave. We had a pretty long talk about making good and bad choices and being responsible for your actions. He was pretty sad the next week when a swimming party came up and he couldn't go...but he hasn't misbehaved at a party since. :thumbsup2

[Tinkabella]

When my daughter was four we had a pool party for her in our backyard. I hired a lifeguard and we had a bunch of adults there (my husband/my sister/ my brother/ mother-in-law and myself). As some of the kids were her classmates I didn't know their parents at all. I prepared a lunch for the mom's and dad's assuming that they would stay. Who would leave there four year old at a pool party with people they don't know...Right ??? :confused3 WRONG, not one of the classmates parents stayed ! Some of the kids couldn't swim and their parents did not seem the least bit concerned ! It really wasn't a problem, but I was sooo shocked because both my kids are good swimmers but I am still always worried about drowning.:sad2:

[Elmo888]

I stay if it is at a public place (mall for Build A Bear, Chuck E Cheese, for example), but I drop off if it is at someone's house. I'm just not comfortable that one or two adults can watch 10 or more kids in a public place like that. I'm on the fence at a closed in public place, like Pump It Up, which is a room of bounce equipment and then a different room for the cake. I would hang for a few minutes to make sure that she understood the setup and then go. DD is in the first grade, and I've been doing that since last year.

I just read the post about the pool - I would never have dropped DD at a pool party at 4 years old! I'm not sure that I would do it at 7 years old, and she can swim fairly well!