What's it like to be an only child?

[disneyohana]

I've heard it so many times now that the greatest gift I could give my DD would be a sibling. It would be hard to afford a second and I am not sure I am ready yet. Is it that bad to be an only child? I figured that when she is older she can bring her friends everywhere w/us. She has cousins and loves to play w/them. I don't know, I guess just in case I don't have another child I want reassurance that DD will have a happy life.

[MommyWithDreams]

I too wonder about this...my situation is different though. I'm recently divorced and feel that there's no way I could go through that again. I know that sounds negative and all but I feel like I've already affected my sons life alone, I could NEVEr do that to another child. I wish for nothing more than to give my son a sibling..but it scares the jeebies out of me. I want a forever after all. Does that make sense?

[8 Ears]

:guilty:
I was just saying to my cousin-in-law today how I wish I had a sibling. I am 35 and would love to have had one. But my DH who is #5 out of 6 assures me it is not all it is cut out to be :laughing:
Will your DD grow and be fine, yes.

Now, we have 2 boys who we hoped would be very close..... they are as different as day and night. They fight, yes but when one is hurt/sick/teased, the brother is right there:hug:

Good luck in what you choose.:wizard:

[disneyohana]

MommywithDreams - I do understand. I am not divorced but I know that if I am not ready for another child that will bring stress into the home and that is not good either. I hear people complain that they wish they had a sister when they aren't only children. They have brothers. I guess it is like the saying 'The grass is always greener on the other side.' I feel for you having so much responsibility. I rely on my DH a lot. I am a big baby myself. BTW, your son is adorable.

[annie1995]

I am an only child and I still to this day wish for a sibling. I feel cheated by the fact that I was unable to have a brother or sister. I will never have any nieces or nephews, except through marriage, which is not quite the same. I will have no one left after my parents pass away, and that thought terrifies me. I do not live anywhere near any cousins or other relatives. So I will basically be alone with the exception of my DH and children. I had a great childhood, don't get me wrong. My parents were great, and I never needed anything, except that. That was the one thing I wanted and never had. I am sure there are people who would never have had it any other way. But not me. Good Luck with what ever you choose.

[DiznEeyore]

My 14yo ds is an only child and hasn't ever wanted a sibling. In fact, when we spend time with his cousins, he always tells me later that he's so glad he's an only child -- no one to fight with! ;)

Having more than one child doesn't necessarily guarantee lifelong bonding. My brother and I aren't very close, and my dh's sister and brother live 3 states away. He talks to his brother on birthdays; his sister, not at all. My best friend -- same thing. She and her brother fought like cats and dogs while growing up and aren't close now -- they just get together on holidays.

A different kind of example is my sister-in-law -- she was *very* close to her brother (their dad was an alcoholic and they bonded through the struggle), but tragically, he died several years ago. She is, in effect, now an only child.

IMHO, the only good reason to have *any* child (first, second, third, or whatever) is because *you* want one -- not just to supply another child with a companion. Just my .02!!

[3princesses+aprince]

If you don't really want another child, then no you shouldn't have one.
But I have a brother, and I love him so much, I am 25 he is 23, we are very close, couldn't imagine life without a friend like that!! So I think siblings are a great thing, but if it's not right for your family it's not right.

[Pumbaa_]

I have 2 brothers, one is 18 months older and one is 8 years younger. Do not get along with either one. I see them on holidays (unless of course they need something from me). I WISH we had that close bond, didn't happen.

I would rather have been an only child that deal with the family dramas that go on.

My DH had a sister who passed away from cancer. Siblings do not guarantee a lifelong bond. If you want more kids, fine, but don't listen to 'those' people who say you will give your child a gift by having siblings. Cuz if it is a gift, I would like to know where the return window is please.:lmao:

[texaslover]

I have a 9 yr old son who is an only and probably always will be. I wanted other children but had trouble conceiving a second and DH did not want to try any other measures. I feel it is the hardest position to be in because I have one that I have to protect and do not want to make his life difficult in any way, but in order to have another I would have had to divorce.

I very much wanted him to have a sibling but we now have to do what we can. I make sure that I have good friends to surround us with (my best friend's 3 boys are like his brothers) and that he is able to have friends over and be with other kids a lot. I have always involved him in activities that get him with other kids (sports, camps, etc.).

Do I think it is the optimal situation? No. Do I think he can have a great life surrounded with people he loves? Yes. And I will do everything in my power to lead him to that life.

[carrie1626]

I'm sure if you asked 100 only's it'd be a close split. I spent 10 1/2 yrs as an only before my sister was born. I hated being an only. Yeah, I had cousins, but they all had siblings. Even now, at 45 yrs old ( sis is 35), I am SO VERY thankful I have someone with whom to have shared family (with my parents) memories and someone my kids can call Aunt. My sister has no children. And for all of us who mentioned "cousins", there can never be any future "cousins" on your only's side for any future children if there are no siblings.

[sorul82?]

What is it like to be an only child? Very lonely. I do have a brother, but he is 12 years older. By the time I was 6, he was out of the house. I used to beg my parents to go to the orphanage and adopt me a little brother or sister. I didn't care which. My parents divorced when I was 10, and I felt even more alone. This was especially hard at Christmas when I would drive from one parent to the other. I used to say that I would have my children as close as possible....better yet, I'll have twins!!! Guess what? I do have twins! :goodvibes (No, no fertility drugs, just super fertile) I have three children who are 26 months and two minutes apart. :grouphug:

[Disney4Drew]

DS is an only and it is going to stay that way. I don't see having another child just for the sibling factor. JMHO!

[WDW1st-timers]

I was an only child and the worst part about it was the family at christmas would buy you board games. Please explain who am I to play these board games with? :sad2: When I wanted to play them there was no one around to play them with me. Then there was the times when I did something wrong :angel: and I had no one to blame it on. :rolleyes1 So here I sit.... I had 2 girls that are 9princess: and 7princess: and I just felt the need to have one more so along came Kendyll princess: who is in my sig. She is just over 6 months now.

[scanne]

I'm 32 years old and I'm an only. When I was little I wanted a sibling, but as an adult I realize that I am very fortunate to be an only. I don't feel cheated and I am extremely close to my mom and dad. I have two kids of my own - I always thought I wanted three, but my DD is quite a handful. Had she been born first, she would have been an only! ;)

[stargrazer]

Not to sound cold, but I agree with a previous poster in that I think you should have another child if YOU want one, not if your child will want one. You are the one that will bear it, raise it, provide for it, love it, etc. and only you, your partner and your creator can decide that. How you feel about the need for siblings and their feelings will figure into your final answer, of course, but ultimately you have to decide if it's right for you.

That said, I hope being an only doesn't screw 'em up because my DD is and always probably will be unless her dad trades me in for a newer model someday :rotfl:

J/K...
:goodvibes

[meeskamouska]

My DD is an only child and in the beginning people tried to convince us that she needed a sibling. We thought about it and briefly contemplated another one but due to complication having DD we decided not to.
We have talked about adoption but I think that she is just going to be the only one for us. Our family feels complete, I like it just the three of us!!!

[SarahKate]

I am 33 and an only, as is my DH! Go figure!

I never, ever remember wishing that I had a sibling. I am sitting here trying to think "did I ever wish that?" and I honestly cannot. I guess I don't really miss something I never experienced. As an adult, yeah, I guess I kinda wish I had a sibling. But it's not something I dwell on at ALL.

Should you have another child just to give your child a sibling? NO.

As long as you are providing lots of social interactions with family and friends, don't feel obligated.

Right now DD4 is an only. When we had her, we were bound and determined to have 2 so she would have a sibling. But we've gotten so comfortable with just her, it's hard to tell. Maybe one day we'll have another.

As adults, DH and I are fairly opposite. I was shy as a child, but as an adult I'm very outgoing and not very shy at all. DH has always been shy, and still is. We're both pretty well adjusted, I'd like to think!

[Mono~rail]

My dh is an only child and he wouldn't have it any other way. He grew up in neighborhoods that had lots of kids so he always had friends to play with. I've never once heard him complain about it, and he always talks about how much he enjoyed being the only one. Different strokes for different folks I guess. :confused3

My oldest Dd is the only one I had with my ex-husband. She was 12 when my youngest two were born. Our plan when we got pregnant with the twins was to have only one together. We've always been thrilled with our twins, but "they" weren't the plan. :hyper2: :lmao:

I wouldn't give .02 cents for another kid, but I wouldn't take a million dollars for any one of my 3 girls! :cloud9:

[1rockinmamato2]

I am 34 and I am an only.

Growing up, I wanted a sibling very badly. My mom wanted another, but my dad didn't and she respected his wishes.

I had a great upbringing with lots of close family. My childhood was FUN! But, for or most of my life, I thought the only thing I was missing out on with not having a sibling was someone to play games with, someone to fight with, and someone to have to share the bathroom with. :rotfl2:

Then, my mom suddenly passed away when I was 30. There were, and still are, times when I wish I had a sibling to lean on. It was just after her passing that I realized - THIS is why most people have more than one child.

If the circumstances aren't right, then the "future companionship" of your should not be the deciding factor in having another child. But, I believe if a marriage is strong and the finances can handle it, having more than one should be considered. :thumbsup2

[PaulaSue]

Dh and I are both onlies. I hated it and he didn't mind it. We were raised very differently (his family had money and mine didn't) His parents were married, mine divorced, etc...

I was always very loney and the only time I could hang with anyone was at family things with cousins on hoildays only. Dh was with his friends all the time and traveled a great deal with family and school/friends.

There is never a right or wrong, just what you do with it. ;)

P.S. That is why we wanted at least 2 kids (I won) and very close together.:rotfl:

[#1 Pocahontas]

I agree that you should only have another if you and your spouse want another. Don't guilt yourself into something, especially if your not financially ready for it.

I am technically not an only child but I pretty much lived like I was. Family all split apart and such. I see him more now than when we were kids, and we currently live in different states. Although, due to the way we grew up we are not close one bit. I can tell you that I have always, and still do, long for a sibling. I have always felt an emptiness, and I am very envious seeing the friendships between my friends and their siblings. I know it's something that I will never have and it makes me sad.

[MommaPooh]

I am an only and I have never wanted a sibling. I am also one of only two grandkids in the family as well. My only cousin is six years younger than me so we were never playmates. I liked being the only child for my extended family so much I wrote my aunt a letter before my cousin was born telling her to send that baby back when it got here because we did not need another kid in the family - I was enough.

I had a neighborhood full of kids to play with when I wanted and I could go home and get away from them all when I wanted as well. I had plenty of classmates that were always at my house or going on vacation with us if I wanted.

To this day I love being my parent's only baby. I would not change a thing no matter what.

[NY Disney fan]

My cousin is an only child and she is getting married in March to an only child! Go figure!

[MommyWithDreams]

MommywithDreams - I do understand. I am not divorced but I know that if I am not ready for another child that will bring stress into the home and that is not good either. I hear people complain that they wish they had a sister when they aren't only children. They have brothers. I guess it is like the saying 'The grass is always greener on the other side.' I feel for you having so much responsibility. I rely on my DH a lot. I am a big baby myself. BTW, your son is adorable.


THanks Disneyohana, it is a lot on my own but that in itself is what makes me work that much harder. My ex is still a somewhat active "playmate" in my sons life....but that's all he really is, he takes him two days a week to play, he does nothing to contribute in any other way. I have to say some very great posts are in this thread. I too agree that if you have another do it because you want another, not just to give a sibling. I have a sister that is 7 years older......we fought horribly growing up..now she's like my best friend. :flower3:

[waltskids]

I am an only child and I loved it as a kid. I did have friends who lived nearby so I always had someone to play with. My DH has 5 siblings so our DS has many aunts, uncles and cousins. Our DS will also be an only child since we are not having anymore children. I think everyone's experience is different so you need to do what feels right for your family.:)

[waltskids]

I also wanted to add that my mom died when I was 17 and my dad passed away this past July. Even during those hard times I never wished I had a sibling. I have a wonderful extended family and with their support (and DH's with my dad), I was able to get through.:)

[Mouse House Mama]

I was an only child for over 7 years. I remember wishing on ladybugs for a sister. I was so happy when I got one! (spoiled huh?:rotfl: ) Anyway- the age difference made it hard when we were younger (meaning school age). We are very close now but we have had our differences. I am still so happy that I have her. Now as far as having an only child- only you can decide what is right for you. I would not have any children just so my kids could have playmates. I would have them because I wanted them. That's why we are having #4!!! :rolleyes1 I just love having my arms full of babies!:cloud9: My kids are super close and they are also close in age. I hope they always remain close and I will do everything in my power to help that. I think you and your dh have to sit down and really decide why you want another child and go from there. Whatever decision you make will have to be the wight one for your family. Good luck!princess:

[Camping Griswalds]

After we had first son, I always knew we'd have at least one more kid. I don't believe in only having one. Too much pressure on them, no one to manipulate, spit on, conive against parents with. When my mom was sick, first person I called was sister. Sue I'm not that close to my mom, sister is, but sister and I knew WE would be there to take care of mom. My DH is an only, never missed a sibling, never wanted one, now though when our boys wrestle, or play games, or even make fun of us as parents, he gets an odd look on his face at times. He says he had no idea what he was missing, good and bad, and it is a wonderful thing to have someone to worship, or someone to worship you. Our big dilemma is DD came 8 years after second son. The boys will remember her okay, but will not be a part of her growing up. She will be an only child by fourth grade as boys will be off to college. Really bothers me a lot. I don't think all of the cousins or friends in the world can compare to siblings. Siblings just understand things that no one else can. Even if their not particularly close, there is just too much pressure on an only for anniversary or funerals or big events like that.

[tink_lover]

It seems that what a previous poster wrote about the 50/50 split is about right for this board. Just adding my .02 Both DH and I come from families of 5 kids. Loved/hated it growing up but always knew my brothers were there for me. We so enjoyed watching dd as a baby, but always knew we would adopt more. I just kept thinking about how lonely her life would be once we were gone and didn't think it was fair to her. She has 2 brothers that she now has a love/hate relationship with :) Would love to adopt more. We love kids!

[we3disneygo]

:thumbsup2 I'm an only, dd13 is an only child, she has lot's of friends and is always busy, she babysits and is super with kids, she 's happy !!! it was just right for us !! we can go place's and do things we proably couldn't do with more kids ! :hippie:

[stargrazer]

I also wanted to add that my mom died when I was 17 and my dad passed away this past July. Even during those hard times I never wished I had a sibling. I have a wonderful extended family and with their support (and DH's with my dad), I was able to get through.:)

Going off topic here, but I wanted to send my thoughts along to you...I lost both my parents fairly young also (Mom at 11, Dad at 26) so I know it can be difficult. I'm glad you have good support around you and wanted you to know you're not alone.
:hug:

[suffolkprincess]

If you decide to have another it should be because YOU and your DH feel that your family is incomplete and you yearn for another child. Period. Because quite honestly, a small child does NOT know what they need or what is best for them in any other area of life-- why should how they feel about wanting a sibling have anything to do with this? Its not their body that has to carry and bear the child. Its not them who has to get up in the middle of the night, breast feed, etc. It is YOU. And, if you are overwhelmed and feel out of balance, this will not get better with a second child-- it could get worse. Yeah, these things will pass, and your family will get new routines that work for you if you do have a second child. But bottom line for me is this: I feel like I can be a good mom right now. I am not sure that I could be a good mom to my DD and another baby. There are practical things that need to change before I think I could handle it (job, commute, affordability of infant daycare.) Fortunately, DH feels the same way. My need for another baby does not in any way outweigh my current feeling that things are running smoothly and we are happy. I want to enjoy every day we have together-- and we do. Maybe I am being too short sighted, but I know my personal limits rather well, and another baby wouldn't work well for me right now. I owe it to my child to be the best I can for her: THAT is MUCH more important than giving her a sibling. Study after study has confirmed the detrimental affects of mentally ill/ depressed parents on their children. NO study has ever confirmed that being an only has a similar detrimental affect.

Having said all that-- I acknowledge that there is a huge difference between the average craziness and stress of parenting and mental illness. I just want to throw out there the idea that we should listen to OUR hearts as the mothers and think more about what WE need in order to be our best rather than focusing on somebody else's ideas about the ideal family. If you are feeling doubts that you can handle it, maybe you should look at those doubts, see why you have them and focus instead on bringing balance to theose areas of your life. THEN reexamine the sibling issue. That is what we are doing, and we may end up getting our practical things straight (we are moving to get the commute issue under control and I am considering a career change for less stress.) A year from now you might well see me on this board super gung ho about a second child because making those changes resulted in us being ready to take on that big unknown and have that second child.

People will say "you can *never* be ready." I HATE that. Seriously, folks: you would rather take the decision to have a child less seriously than you would that to take a vacation, buy a house, change jobs, etc? All the really big and worthwhile things take some preparation. So, yeah, because you can't really know exactly how the pregnancy will go, or plan for the personality of the child you will have because those are uncontrollable unknowns factors, you can certainly strive to be prepared in the areas you *do* control!

[NY Disney fan]

Great post, Suffolkprincess. I really took it to heart (given my other thread on 2nd child).

[disneymom225]

I guess just in case I don't have another child I want reassurance that DD will have a happy life.

Can you ever have this? I know lots of siblings who don't get along or who do but that doesn't mean they have a happy life. We chose to have only 1 for many reasons but I don't think it's any of my business what your family size is. You need to look at your sitution and make the decision that is best for you. Would you be happy with another child? Of course! Is it the best decision for your family? Maybe not.
Good luck!

[Daytona99]

You have to do what is right for you. When people ask us if we plan to give our DS(7) a sibling, I tell them "nope, he's our one and only," because that's what's right for our family. He's well-adjusted and a very happy little guy. :yay:

:dance3:

[michellev]

DH and are are both onlys. Neither of us minded it so much when we were younger, but now that our parents are getting older it would be great to have siblings to help out. We went to FL (and Disney of course!) at Christmas and we felt so bad for leaving our parents on the holiday. I don't think it would have been so bad if there were other siblings around to help celebrate the holidays with them. When my dad died a few years ago, I would have loved to have a sibling to share my grief and help with all the organizational stuff (my parents are divorced). We don't know who to name as a guardian for our children if something should happen to us, it would be nice to keep them with family, but our parents are getting older. Since neither of us have siblings, our children will never have aunts, uncles or cousins.

[pjb0216]

I was an only growing up and I don't think I missed out on not having a sister or brother. I actually miss not having a brother or sister more now then when I was growing up. With my parents getting older it gets harder being the only one. Also, I have lots of friends that have siblings and I envy their closeness. On the flip side of that my DMIL was an only and thought it was just crazy that we wanted to have two (go figure)! My DH and I decided we wanted to have two close together (our two DS's 7 and 5) but I think that is a personal decision everyone must make for themselves and their families. Only you can know what is right for your family. Good luck on whatever you decide.

[PaulaSue]

DH and are are both onlys. Neither of us minded it so much when we were younger, but now that our parents are getting older it would be great to have siblings to help out. We went to FL (and Disney of course!) at Christmas and we felt so bad for leaving our parents on the holiday. I don't think it would have been so bad if there were other siblings around to help celebrate the holidays with them. When my dad died a few years ago, I would have loved to have a sibling to share my grief and help with all the organizational stuff (my parents are divorced). We don't know who to name as a guardian for our children if something should happen to us, it would be nice to keep them with family, but our parents are getting older. Since neither of us have siblings, our children will never have aunts, uncles or cousins.

We should find/make a support board for onlies married to onlies for all the issues that come up for us.

[bibbity bobbity boo]

If you decide to have another it should be because YOU and your DH feel that your family is incomplete and you yearn for another child. Period. Because quite honestly, a small child does NOT know what they need or what is best for them in any other area of life-- why should how they feel about wanting a sibling have anything to do with this? Its not their body that has to carry and bear the child. Its not them who has to get up in the middle of the night, breast feed, etc. It is YOU. And, if you are overwhelmed and feel out of balance, this will not get better with a second child-- it could get worse. Yeah, these things will pass, and your family will get new routines that work for you if you do have a second child. But bottom line for me is this: I feel like I can be a good mom right now. I am not sure that I could be a good mom to my DD and another baby. There are practical things that need to change before I think I could handle it (job, commute, affordability of infant daycare.) Fortunately, DH feels the same way. My need for another baby does not in any way outweigh my current feeling that things are running smoothly and we are happy. I want to enjoy every day we have together-- and we do. Maybe I am being too short sighted, but I know my personal limits rather well, and another baby wouldn't work well for me right now. I owe it to my child to be the best I can for her: THAT is MUCH more important than giving her a sibling. Study after study has confirmed the detrimental affects of mentally ill/ depressed parents on their children. NO study has ever confirmed that being an only has a similar detrimental affect.

Having said all that-- I acknowledge that there is a huge difference between the average craziness and stress of parenting and mental illness. I just want to throw out there the idea that we should listen to OUR hearts as the mothers and think more about what WE need in order to be our best rather than focusing on somebody else's ideas about the ideal family. If you are feeling doubts that you can handle it, maybe you should look at those doubts, see why you have them and focus instead on bringing balance to theose areas of your life. THEN reexamine the sibling issue. That is what we are doing, and we may end up getting our practical things straight (we are moving to get the commute issue under control and I am considering a career change for less stress.) A year from now you might well see me on this board super gung ho about a second child because making those changes resulted in us being ready to take on that big unknown and have that second child.

People will say "you can *never* be ready." I HATE that. Seriously, folks: you would rather take the decision to have a child less seriously than you would that to take a vacation, buy a house, change jobs, etc? All the really big and worthwhile things take some preparation. So, yeah, because you can't really know exactly how the pregnancy will go, or plan for the personality of the child you will have because those are uncontrollable unknowns factors, you can certainly strive to be prepared in the areas you *do* control!

I have never had someone articulate that SO WELL. That is exactly how I feel too! I am an only child. I am fine with it. Our DD, almost 4 years old will be an only child. I think she is the greatest thing EVER. I also know my personal limits though -- financially, emotionally -- one is wonderful.

[sremom]

I am a only child. It never bothered me much until my parents passed. Then I felt very alone. Luckily I have a great extended family. I have 2 boys I am glad they have each other. But my childhood home was much quieter!!

[Nicolepa]

I was an only child and the worst part about it was the family at christmas would buy you board games. Please explain who am I to play these board games with? :sad2: When I wanted to play them there was no one around to play them with me.


I never had a problem with this. I had an imaginary friend. Her name was Rosemary and Rosemary always wanted to play whatever game I wanted to play.:rotfl: I really miss Rosemary some days. She was great.

[jodifla]

I'm an only child. I preferred it that way. My parents didn't really have the emotional or financial resources for another child.

Just because you have a sibling, doesn't mean they are going to help you with aging parents, be your best friend and be a cause of joy in your life.


I have tons of friends who I see more than they see their siblings.

[CampbellScot]

I did a two year study on birth order and the subsequent personality traits in children...it's pretty amazing the way "most" kids will have the personality trait of the place in line they were born...I say "most" and not "all"...this is just my opinion and experience.

My husband is an only child. He never felt cheated or bothered by it. His mom always wanted to have more but says they "couldn't afford it". So on her end it's a regret, on my husband's it is not. He is your typical only child...Type A, driven, confident...a teensy bit bossy...;) He would say "ASSERTIVE"...either way it makes him a great leader. He could NEVER work for anyone...he needs people to work for HIM. He's a great boss though. He works extremely hard.

I am a middle child...overlooked and underappreciated...;) My mom always said that my oldest sister would have been a perfect only child. She pretty much hated having me around and it wasn't until she realized she could make me do stuff for her that she found a reason to like me. I waited on her hand and foot when I was little b/c she was my big sister and if she said to do something,I did it. I wanted so much for her to like me. Mostly she was mean. She beat me up a lot and did sadistic things b/c she was bigger. She's still like that. I love her, but dang I don't trust her. She STILL wants all of mom's attention and if she can't have it, oh boy TANTRUM time...she's 35.:rolleyes:

My younger sister is the "typical" baby...indulged, prone to pouting and eyelash batting to get her way...I think we undercut her b/c we taught her that if she acted distressed someone would come and save her. At 24 she still does this and we STILL save her.:laughing: I'm very close to my younger sister. She is my best friend.

Families are complicated. I moved 3000 miles from home to establish some boundary lines! I think without my sisters I wouldn't be who I am...I'm not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. My family was really fond of..."She is the pretty one...and you are the smart one...and she is the mean one...":rolleyes: Please dont' do this to your kids...it tends to stick.

My husband has two kids. They are three years apart. If he and I have a child his children's "sibling relationship" will be so much different with the baby than they have with each other. Any child we have will be more like an only child than a third child b/c of the age differences.

I am so rambling here...but I though I'd share! This is a fascinating subject isn't it?popcorn::

[suffolkprincess]

Families are complicated. I moved 3000 miles from home to establish some boundary lines! I think without my sisters I wouldn't be who I am...I'm not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. My family was really fond of..."She is the pretty one...and you are the smart one...and she is the mean one...":rolleyes: Please dont' do this to your kids...it tends to stick.

I am so rambling here...but I though I'd share! This is a fascinating subject isn't it?popcorn::


That is one of my pet peeves! We have family members who do that with the cousins (my DD and her cousins, there are several little girls very close in age.) I believe that there can be a real power in the "self fulfilling prophecy" for, basically, all bad-- because if you are "the smart one"-- well, that is a lot of pressure to live up to, isn't it? Who needs that? and if you are "the wild child"-- well. Let's not go there!

I was never close with my brothers at ALL growing up, but now... I work with one of them and see the youngest one very frequently (he is good friends with my DH.) And the birth order thing does come into play all the time in the workplace. It is interesting-- what a cool study you got to do!

[pcoleman]

I agree, only have more children if you want them and can take care of them. I have two brothers and cannot find the words for all the difficulties they cause in my life. I have DD age 5 and she will be an only child. Just because you have more children does not mean they will be close. Family is what you make it. I am closer to a few friends than I ever could be with my brothers. Any only children who feel "cheated" need to get over it. I am a therapist and have seen too many people have kids for the wrong reasons. If you had a wonderful loving home appreciate what so many people do not have.

[suffolkprincess]

Any only children who feel "cheated" need to get over it. I am a therapist and have seen too many people have kids for the wrong reasons. If you had a wonderful loving home appreciate what so many people do not have.

You might get flamed for all that plain talking.. but I liked it and have a question for you... how much do you think that people encourage others to have more because its what they did and it helps them justify their own decision? In other words, they had the second or third child because they thought they should and even though it didn't work out great in some ways they can't/won't admit it? And I totally understand that-- I can't imagine ever saying that you regretted having a child because children are lovely, innocent and bring joy. Its a real conundrum!

[disneyohana]

Sorry it took me so long to get a chance to read all these posts. Thank you all for responding. DD is only 2 yrs, I am 30, so I do have time to decide.
I loved hearing everyone's replies. It is nice to hear from only children. I have 2 sisters. I am the middle child. I wasn't the smart one or the cute baby. I always wanted my older sister to like me and be proud of me. I know I embarassed her a lot. I want to protect my little sister and I probably drive her crazy. My sister and I married our DH's around the same time, which was hard for her for awhile. She didn't see us much. I have to say that even though my sisters are my best friends, I wouldn't be as happy in my life right now w/out my other best friends, my DH and my DD.

[MommaPooh]

I never had a problem with this. I had an imaginary friend. Her name was Rosemary and Rosemary always wanted to play whatever game I wanted to play.:rotfl: I really miss Rosemary some days. She was great.

:rotfl2: My imaginary friend was Tweety Bird. Tweety even had a place set at the table for every meal.:rotfl2:

[glass slipper girl]

I'm an only and I am just fine with that. :) Always have been. I asked my parents not too long ago if I ever asked for a sibling and neither of them remember me ever mentioning it. I have oodles of cousins but didn't grow up near them so while I am close enough with them to know that if I ever needed anything, I could turn to them, I would never say they were "like siblings to me." My parents kept me active and around other kids a lot so I don't remember being lonely either. I remember loving being an only at Christmas. Every family has a family budget for Christmas. My best friends each had 2 siblings so that $ was split between 3 kids at their house but not at mine. ;) I think my parents did a good job at keeping me from becoming totally rotten but I did have opportunities my friends didn't. I am closer to my parents than most of my friends with siblings are. The big negative was that kids with siblings tease each other so they learn to develop a thicker skin. I didn't have that so teasing hurt me to the core in middle school (I was always a head taller than everyone else so I was teased a lot at that age). I didn't "learn to fight" with a sibling. No biggie as an adult but as a middle schooler that was a skill I could have used. ;) I still wouldn't trade it though. :)

I hate hearing people make it sound like being an only is some sort of curse. It's not. Especially not if you are involved with your child and provide them with lots of opportunities to interact with other kids. Having a sibling doesn't guarantee anything. They may be super close but they may resent each other a lot and never speak. I also think it's a lot of pressure for kid #2 to be born to be the companion to kid #1 if that makes sense. Have a 2nd or 3rd or more if you and your spouse feel your family isn't complete without them. Realize that lots of families out there ARE complete with one child and that is fine for you and for your child.

I jokingly thanked my mother for not having more after seeing what her siblings put each other through fighting over my grandparent's "estate" once they passed away. :rolleyes1

[pjb0216]

[I jokingly thanked my mother for not having more after seeing what her siblings put each other through fighting over my grandparent's "estate" once they passed away. :rolleyes1[/QUOTE]

That is too funny, when my husband's grandfather died and the siblings all started fighting, I thanked my parents for letting me be and "only" as well. :rotfl:

[Gillian]

I'm an only, but married to a guy with 3 sisters and a brother. :) We have 2 kids, boy 6 & girl 3.

Your family situation is what you make of it. I would have liked a brother or sister, but have friends who were thrilled not to have any. :)

Although most of my friends have 3 kids, DS seems to make friends with onlies very easily. I think it's wonderful, because their parents often are able to include DS in their activities, and are happy to have him visit.

The only thing is, it's difficult to reciprocate evenly! We don't want to take advantage, of course, but I can't always handle 3 kids. My DD is rather difficult. DS is pretty easy.

[digman6]

I think everyones experience will be so different for a variety or reasons.

I may as well been a only child my brother ( whom I have not spoke to in15yrs) is 12 years older then me so we never had a relationship to start.

I wish I had siblings close in my age :grouphug: . I grew up fine without them don't get me wrong.

I married into a family that is large my dh has 10 siblings! we have 4 kids so the large family we have was because I didn't like growing up basiclly alone and well he had a large family ;so it kinda continued. We are done with having 4 kids though:woohoo: .

My dd has 2 friends who are only children- 1 is a spoiled rotten brat, dd does not go to her house or hang with her much because of how she acts. She doesn't share , throws tantrums and has to hang on her mom every chance she gets. the mom and dad buy her EVERYTHING she wants. Not to be mean but the gilr is 8 and acts like she is 3 or 4 yrs old

The other girls is the opposite she shares, she is shy , plays sports and does things kids do with siblings . you would not guess only child if you saw her and her personality.

I would not have a large family if you can not afford it, kids are expensive:eek: . I think I like knowing they always have each other to turn to god forbid something happen to either one of us, and it helps them learn to get along with diffrent people. I have one dd 7 who is very sensitive and takes everything serious:cutie: , and my son 10 is very strong minded we but heads alot him and I:headache: , my 4 y/o seems to be more of a practicle joker and smarty pants at this point:rotfl2: . the baby well she is to young yet to know right now she is a :angel: :cutie: . who knows what way she will go.

I think if you raise your kids to share and respect others and give consequences for bad behavior reward good behavior you should be fine with one child. Expose your kids to ther kids with sports, daycamps, clubs that helps a lot.

[suffolkprincess]

The only thing is, it's difficult to reciprocate evenly! We don't want to take advantage, of course, but I can't always handle 3 kids. My DD is rather difficult. DS is pretty easy.

I can't speak for every parent of an only, but I can say for myself that we do not expect "equal" reciprocation from our friends/ relatives who have bigger families. We LOVE having extra kids around (when invited and planned for) because it is important for our DD AND because we enjoy it-- its a novelty for all of us. Honestly, you can't reciprocate it anyway because what we are doing for our family by having your kids over is more than just a simple "kid swap"-- so don't worry!

I don't like to be taken advantage of though-- "oh, they won't mind having someone sleep over-- they just have the one "-- we have a little trouble with that in our immediate family. But that is actually an example of one of those less-than-ideal sibling things more than anything else. ;)

[disneyohana]

I agree, only have more children if you want them and can take care of them. I have two brothers and cannot find the words for all the difficulties they cause in my life. I have DD age 5 and she will be an only child. Just because you have more children does not mean they will be close. Family is what you make it. I am closer to a few friends than I ever could be with my brothers. Any only children who feel "cheated" need to get over it. I am a therapist and have seen too many people have kids for the wrong reasons. If you had a wonderful loving home appreciate what so many people do not have.

Thanks. You made me feel better. We do what we can for DD w/out spoiling her. I am sure we "accidentally" spoil her in some ways, but we don't buy her whatever she wants and we make sure she shares. I take her to my sister's a lot where she plays w/her cousins, and in the summer there are always lots of kids outside there. I take her to the malls where they have playlands and a train and even when she is shy to play w/other kids usually one kid will get her to play and she has a blast. The only thing I would like to do better if I don't have another is to find a better neighborhood. There aren't a lot of kids around here and I know when I was growing up most of the time we were running around outside w/the kids on the block. My DD might get bored sometimes, but she is very happy playing w/me and my DH.

[disneyohana]

You might get flamed for all that plain talking.. but I liked it and have a question for you... how much do you think that people encourage others to have more because its what they did and it helps them justify their own decision? In other words, they had the second or third child because they thought they should and even though it didn't work out great in some ways they can't/won't admit it? And I totally understand that-- I can't imagine ever saying that you regretted having a child because children are lovely, innocent and bring joy. Its a real conundrum!

I think some people might try to encourage it because it is what they did, not necessarily that it didn't work out, but how could you wish you didn't have one of your kids. Even if it was difficult they wouldn't regret it. My sister's second son is autistic and she has a lot to handle because of that, not to mention that the boy's aren't as close as some siblings. Her son's are great though, so she wouldn't change having a second. So I guess once you've gone through having a second you would say you wouldn't have it any other way.

[disneyohana]

I'm an only, but married to a guy with 3 sisters and a brother. :) We have 2 kids, boy 6 & girl 3.

Your family situation is what you make of it. I would have liked a brother or sister, but have friends who were thrilled not to have any. :)

Although most of my friends have 3 kids, DS seems to make friends with onlies very easily. I think it's wonderful, because their parents often are able to include DS in their activities, and are happy to have him visit.

The only thing is, it's difficult to reciprocate evenly! We don't want to take advantage, of course, but I can't always handle 3 kids. My DD is rather difficult. DS is pretty easy.

I agree not to worry about reciprocating. If DD has a friend who is over all the time I will be so happy for her. Plus, I will know what she is doing all the time.

[jakenjess]

I'm an only child (I'm 44) and have two children. Growing up being an only didn't bother me much. I had cousins who lived close by that I spent a lot of time with and lots of friends. I think being an only is much more difficult as an adult than it was as a child. There's a huge responsibility of having aging parents and not having a sibling to share that with. Fortunately my parents are doing very well health wise, and hopefully will continue to, but it's definitely something that weighs on my mind.

My DH comes from a family of six children, so I have all the in-laws and neices and nephews on his side, but it's not the really the same. DH would have been perfectly happy to have just one child, but I wouldn't hear of it! I'm so glad we have two, and I remind my kids all the time how blessed they are to have each other. But having children is an extremely personal decision and one that only you and your DH can make for yourselves. Either way, I'm sure your DD will do just fine!

[hannahsmomma]

I did not read all the other post, and I am sure you have heard it all, but as the wife of an only child I had to add my 2cents. The bad thing is that we are the only ones here to care for his mother. It would be so nice if we had someone else to help us. Of course having a sibling does not mean they would help, but it would still be nice to know that someone else is going through everything that we are. Also, there is a lot in life that you can only learn from having a sibling, like compromise. I mean you can learn these things, but you just have a better understanding when it is something you have had to do all your life. DH whom I love with all my heart, has a hard time with sharing and compromising. Of course myself being the oldest, we butt heads because I can be a little bossy. ;) You should pick up a copy of a book on birth order. There really interesting.

[wtpntigger2]

My dd4 is an only and will remain that way as I am making things permanent in the next few months. I have come to accept my limitations and that I would not be a good mother to more children. I just went back to work after being a SAHM for the last four years, and I am so happy.

I agree you shouldn't have more children just to give your only a sibling. There are no guarantees in life and it is quite possible (as it has been shown) that they won't get along. My brother and I are only 2.5 years apart, but rarely talk to each other and see each other only at family gatherings. It makes me sad to not have a better relationship with him, but he doesn't seem to mind.

Suffolkprincess really said it best in an earlier post.

[dizzienoodle]

I was an only child growing. I started day care at 3 months old and my mother cried everyday for two years when she dropped me off because she felt like she was abdoning her baby girl. Needless to say my parents did not have any more children. As a child I desperatley wanted a sibling, I would constantly asked for a baby brother or sister, either one, it didn't matter. Then my mother would tell the story and apologize, but say that I was special. I hated it. I tried to blame things on the dog... so Im sure you know how that that. Summer vacations were awful. I greatly envied my other friends with siblings.
As a teenager it was great. I got more clothes/presents/opppurtunities that some of my friends parents were just not able to afford. I was very close with my friends and I had lots of them. I was always allowed to have sleepovers and I was also allowed to bring a friend along on vacation.
Then my mom got sick my senior year of high school, and going into college. I was never really close with my dad, since he's alot older and we just never really developed a bond. My friends were all so busy with new chages in their lives, and while they would call or visit from time to time, I was utterly alone.
She got better and I went on with my life, had two kids of my own, and they found cancer again this past november. With no one else to take care of her, my dad is nearly 74 now, and needs lots of help himself, I moved home. I wished then more than ever that there was someone else to lean on through it all. She has been doing remarkable well lately, and having the grandkids around helps alot. But for awhile, I had a full time job at work as well as at home..
I guess I got a little off subject. IMHO, there are plusses and minuses in being an only. I think alot of the minuses come during times of hardship, and as you get older you come to the realization that once your parents are gone, that's it, its just you. At least for me anyway.
But I had a wonderful childhood all the same. I understand now why my mother was unable to have another child, and I respect her decision. But I think part of the reason I had two, and so close in age, was to ensure that they had someone to lean on, i.e. each other.
I know that there is no guarantee there, but it makes me feel safer knowing they will have each other. But again, thats just my opinion, and others may have very different experiences.

[brooklynheights]

I have a 7yr old nephew when he was 4 he asked for a brother or sister my sister told him he'd have to share mommy and daddy he quickly told them thats okay I don't think I want one now he is the only child works hard at school to get good grades(his choice) his parents have their own buisness he works for them doing what he can (its lawn care) started last year to invest his money has high goals wants at least 7 million when he turns 60 and being the only child he has things other kids don't motor bike atv and a snowmobile but more important he has his parents who shower him with love and attention this is and will be their only child cancer made sure of that but he is fine with it he has friends and cousins he'll tell you I don't want to share mommy and daddy iIwant them all to myself hope it helps