PDA

View Full Version : OT: Moving whoa's... need support & advice


Maggimus
01-31-2007, 01:13 PM
:offtopic: Although this isnt connected directly with a disney wedding or 'moon... it is somewhat relative to the whole experience.

Let me go over some basics....

*DH and I bought our home 2 years ago from a family friend. We love it... 3BR, 2 BA, 7yrs old, open floor plan, sunroom, above ground pool, 1 acre lot, etc.

*DH makes a lot of money. I am in no way bragging or boasting. He is 22 years old, we bought this house when he was 20-- i was 19. DH has always lived a well off lifestyle-- see's something he wants, goes and gets it.. no question. I, however, am far more reserved.. and by far the the cheap skate. The good thing is DH does finance for a living, and we dont have credit cards or debt of the like.. and we always have a good chunk of wealth in the bank.

*When we moved into this house we immediately started making it over... putting up crown molding, adding a garden jet tub in the Master, tiling the bathroom, new flooring in the kitchen and spare bath, repainting the entire house (i hate white walls), adding a privacy fence, adding a tiki bar to the pool, landscaping, adding laminant flooring in the sunroom, changing out every light fixture in the house, etc...

*I have the worst anxiety when it comes to two things... Money & Change. I do not adapt well to change... i agonize all year long over his family gatherings, buying/trading new vehicles, etc. Money makes me sick to even think about. I have never had to want for anything in my life... but I fear for the day I do. I worry and compare spending habits, etc.

* I used to work for a real estate company

The time has come now and DH is ready to really settle down into a house. We bought this house as our first one-- thinking that it would be a better investment than throwing our money into a bottomless pit of an apartment complex. He wants to get into a house that we can stay for a really long time and live.

We found a house we really like and are going to look at it tonight (wish us luck!). DH wants to move so bad... he says we are outgrowing this out with stuff (and we dont even have kids). My stomach is in 100-some-odd knots and i really cant bare to think of what might happen if we decide to buy. This will trigger my anxiety more than anything (change & money).

For one, I feel like we have almost over-improved this house... I highly doubt that we will get the money right now for our home that we have put into it. In time, I do think we will because the market in our area seems to go up every year. Only having lived here for two years, we dont have the equity in the house that I had hoped for when we resale.

Im really worried. DH is really smart when it comes to finances but he is such a compulsive spender. He LOVES material things (a quality I dont admire about him) and I know if we add on another $100,000 of debt he will certainly need to back of a little with the spending (something we have discussed and he agree'd to).

Im just not one for taking a giant leap of faith... especially at our age. I feel like as we are right now we have so much going on for us. We are so young and we take it for granted. We both have siblings that arent the best off... and still get help from our parents. I couldnt imagine doing that, nor could I imagine losing everything. I know that would never happen-- DH's job is very stable and he is very good at what he does.

AHH... I need advice, support, help, something..... :worried:

TinkBride
01-31-2007, 01:39 PM
Maggie, Maggie, Maggie.............

From the sounds of your situation, you don't need to be as worried as you are. It sounds as if the two of you have a good financial head on your shoulders and you will make it through. DH may have to sacrifice a little on his things he wants, but all in all, you two will be fine!

Instead of freaking out so much about the situation, look at the excitement of it. A new house? You can decorate to your tastes again, begin planning that nursery ;) , and feel that feeling of happy, content, and settled.

It my be unerving at first and scary, but isn't every big decision at first anyways? You know your financial situation, and from what you have explained, I think you should look at this house tonight with an open mind and look at how you can make it not seem as a big scary money pit house......but look at it with the attitude of "how can I make this a home?"

Maggimus
01-31-2007, 01:54 PM
Thanks Tink... I knew you would come through with good advice.

I think this can be a great thing, especially because we knew this house we live in now would work for the time... and that we would eventually move on and settle down in something else. Apparently, the house we choose will become that house.

What worries me is taking on more debt. $100,000 doesnt seem like a lot when it comes to a payment.... but it does when you look at the grand scheme of things. We live very comfortably right now... and I hate to see us go into financial whoas.

Im a worry wart, ya know it?

Thanks so much Tink:hug:

JandJ
01-31-2007, 01:57 PM
Oh, Maggie, I can totally relate to your anxiety over moving :hug: I get that too! Growing up we moved every 3 years (surprisingly, no, we weren't military; just daddy's job) and every new move I would have a panic attack. When I moved in with DH 4 months before the wedding my mom had just passed and I was starting a new job - I had such a panic attack - I was a complete mess! I couldn't sleep :sad2: I am a real mess whenever I move - big time!! The only thing that helps me is to get VERY organized as quickly as possible. I actually do the same thing when we travel! I panic then too, so I unpack and get all settled as quickly as possible. For our 1st anniversary cruise I was so grateful that our bags came to our cabin quickly so I could get unpacked before we left dock!

As far as house value, it is a buyer's market (at least in my part of FL) which is great for finding a nice house, not so great for selling yours. My friend's house has been on the market for 8 months. A year and a half ago it was appraised at $200k now to be competitive in her neighborhood she's had to reduce the price to $135k :scared1:

I hear ya, but you have to trust your DH, if he says you can financially do it, then, well he is your life partner and you need to trust that he will not make bad choices for the two of you. You're both very young and have a lot more moves in front of you. Good Luck in whatever you do and I hope you like the new house and it's a good financial move and you can feel good about it :goodvibes

Summer-Caitlin
01-31-2007, 02:04 PM
Maggie, I think TinkBride is right!

I am impulsive and I love to spend money, my DF on the other hand is really sensible and is content with how things are in the house that we have.

I want to move as soon as I graduate, preferably to the States, I intend to study the bar there, but DF is all worried because he doesn't like change.

You as a couple sound very secure and can you really see your family expanding in the house you have at the moment? I remember you saying you had a bit of baby fever.....;) It sounds like you may have done all you can with the house you have, so it's maybe time for you to move on to bigger and better things. It's a great opportunity for you, and making this big decision may be scary, but you have your husband by your side and a bright future to look forward to. I say go for it, you may view this house and fall in love with it and wonder why you were so nervous in the first place.

Let us know how you got on:grouphug:

Gradar1
01-31-2007, 02:26 PM
Awww Maggie, I'm amazed at you already! ;) To be that young and already looking at another house that you can fix up is amazing! :) It seems that you and your DH have discussed a lot of the things that you guys need to think about in buying another house, and you seem to be relatively set financially, which is great. Just take a deep breath, and smile. This a huge decision, and I'll bet it's really scary--but all big decsions are at first--then they get easier, lol. Good luck!!!

Maggimus
01-31-2007, 02:41 PM
You guys are all being so nice!!

I think the worrysome part for me is that no matter how much I age... it doesnt seem to be what I thought it would be.


When I was like 14, I saw my 20 year old cousin getting married and thought "wow, thats a good age to get married"... i got married at 21 and am like "wow are almost too young to get married"... and now im like "wow... we are way too young to be taking on this much debt, regaurdless of our income". I think i fear the unknown a lot. I know DH would would always make things ends meet, regaurdless... but that doesnt stop a worry wart like me from getting anxiety like no other.

I lived in the same house my entire life... so maybe this is why I am really fearful of change:confused3 ? My parents had money... but they used their money to do other things like enrich themselves with experience (we took a lot of vacations.. hey now go about 4 or 5 times a year)... whereas DH's family had money and used it on material. I havent gotten used to his way of life... I see extra money coming in and I say "lets put it on the bank... we can save for our kids college one day" or "maybe if we save enough in this account we can adopt a baby one day"... he sees it as "lets save and once we have so much saved... we can buy that ---insert material item here--- we always wanted"...

I really appreciate everyones advice...:grouphug:

afinter1
01-31-2007, 02:49 PM
Maggie--

I think all the things that ladies have said already covers what I would tell you.

It sounds like you and I are both big worry warts! Boy do I worry about major changes, too! Just know that everything will work out the way that it's supposed to. From what you said, it sounds like you and your DH are in good shape and you discuss things, unlike most couples our age! I'm 25 and DF is 27 and we're still stuck in the apartment lifestyle, having a little bit of wedding debt to take care of, and then we'll be looking at houses soon. I worry about what we'll end up doing!

Your current house sounds super cute. If only it was in our area! I'd take a look at it in a second. :goodvibes

Just take a deep breath, we're all bound to face big changes at some points in our lives. We're here for you if you ever need to vent. Good luck! :thumbsup2

Maggimus
01-31-2007, 03:04 PM
Maggie--

I think all the things that ladies have said already covers what I would tell you.

It sounds like you and I are both big worry warts! Boy do I worry about major changes, too! Just know that everything will work out the way that it's supposed to. From what you said, it sounds like you and your DH are in good shape and you discuss things, unlike most couples our age! I'm 25 and DF is 27 and we're still stuck in the apartment lifestyle, having a little bit of wedding debt to take care of, and then we'll be looking at houses soon. I worry about what we'll end up doing!

Your current house sounds super cute. If only it was in our area! I'd take a look at it in a second. :goodvibes

Just take a deep breath, we're all bound to face big changes at some points in our lives. We're here for you if you ever need to vent. Good luck! :thumbsup2

I really appreciate that:hug: ! If you decide TN might be a good move for you-- let me know!!

Maggimus
01-31-2007, 04:56 PM
UPDATE: The people who own the house's baby is sick... so we cant go look at the house tonight. We are going over the weekend. But the realtor is coming to our house tonight so we can see how much to put our house on the market... which means I have to rush off of here and get to cleaning-- like SCRUBBING.... :scared1:

I'll update on how it goes...

For now lets do a wheel of fortune chant
"Big money, big money, big money...":banana:

JJClemson
01-31-2007, 05:52 PM
Oh Maggie :hug: I am a fellow anxiety-filled, panic- attack having woman! I can totally relate to your fear of change. I just moved in w/ DF 3 weeks ago, I am living in a new, big city, and I have no friends here yet! I have anxiety every night, and I just want to go back home to my parent's in NJ (even though I have lived in SC for the past 6 1/2 years, I still call my parents' house my real home :sad1: ). I am doing my practicum now to finish my Master's, then I have to find a real job at the end of April, then get married in June aaah :eek: I am in a constant state of stress and questioning everything!

I don't know anything about buying/ selling homes. I do know a lot about debt though... I have A LOT of student loan debt and luckily, DF has none. It really sounds to me, that your DH does know what he's doing especially since he's in finance. I'm sure he is already aware of your fear of change and will try to make this process as easy as possible for you. You two sound like you have good heads on your shoulders!

Everyone keeps telling me to take one day at a time and breathe, I'll tell you to do the same ;) Change is scary, but without it, we'd always be stuck, you know? Oh wow, I feel like I'm being all Oprah-ey :rotfl: I just want you to know we're here for you, and I know things will work out for you :hug:

ForKeeps
01-31-2007, 05:57 PM
Hi Maggie,

Sorry it's taken me so long. That darn school thing gets in the way of my time on the DIS. ;)

You two seem to have all the tools to make the right choice one way or the other. To have done so well at such a young age is a remarkable feat.

I'm always nervous of debt. I've had to take on a chunk of debt to finance my education. (But at the same time I've worked, and been a diva on a dime to keep costs down -- remember how I agonized over Mickey & Minnie...I am a cheapskate ;) ) I should be able to pay off everything after 2 years of working.

It'll all work out for the best! I really dislike change too....actually I kind of resent it -- I like things to stay the same and making big changes makes me unsettled. But sometimes I forget about the exciting part of change. And when the change does happen, it's always something that is easier to deal with than I had thought.

Wishing you all the best :hug:

Maggimus
01-31-2007, 07:28 PM
UPDATE: The Real Estate lady just left and I had to show her our house on our own. She is SO nice!! I could be this womans best friend!! Anyhow she says we can list at $40,000 over what we paid for it 2 years ago (sounds good to me!). But im still a little iffy about it all. There are a few minor house repairs we will need to make (a couple screw holes in the wall, etc)... I think we are going to list it.... she is so convincing. DH isnt even homw yet I had to show the place on my own.

Now we just have to find a house we like.

She did mention if we wait until March we can get more out of the house-- I guess it will all depend on whether we find a place we like or not!

TinkBride
01-31-2007, 08:44 PM
See?

It sounds like things are looking up! Congrats, and keep us updated!:goodvibes

Maggimus
02-03-2007, 03:17 PM
DH and I are still on the search for that "perfect" (if there exists such a word) house that we can make a home. Tonight we have more houses to explore... I'll let you know how it goes.

JJClemson
02-03-2007, 07:05 PM
Good luck Maggie :hug:

SRUAlmn
02-03-2007, 07:47 PM
Good luck to you!! :grouphug: If it helps any, you are in WAY BETTER shape than most people your age and older (including us.) So try not to worry too much :) (I know, easier said than done!)

ForKeeps
02-03-2007, 09:26 PM
I was wondering how it was going.

What an excitig/nerve-wracking time :hug:

Laurafoster
02-04-2007, 11:05 AM
You know what im in such a similar situation to you. My Dh and i were both 21 when we got married in Dec. We brough our house just over a year ago and have spent the last year constantly changing the walls, flooring etc and mow my DH wants to move on and get somewhere else thats a little bigger. Whilst we are not in anyway what i would call financially well off we can easily afford our mortgage holidays etc.

With us living so close to London,our main problem is the property prices being so high around here - out mortgage is around £140,000 which is around $250,000, and we have a average sized 3 bed house - no pool and nowhere near 1acre! Something like that round here would cost in excess of $1million easy..........and people wonder why i want to move to the states lol!

It really does sound like you have nothing to worry about and im sure it will all work out great!! Good Luck!

Maggimus
02-05-2007, 09:06 AM
Laura, Im sorry to hear about your situation. Its a nerve wracking one-- trust me.

DH and I have looked a many houses in our area. One was 2 and 1/2 stories stacked on top of one another-- with a yard to the side (not to the back)... and a small downstairs living room that seemed more like a sitting room. We loved the fact that there were huge rooms (with the exception of the living) but knew the yard was not for us.. nor was the 2 and 1/2 stories. When you figure in kids and then this possibly being the last home you ever live in-- getting old in this house wouldnt be something I wanted to do. So we ruled it out.

We only had one other serious house we were looking at. It was less than a year old in pre-foreclosure. The lady barely moved in before she moved out. It didnt have anything wrong with it at all-- and she needs out so bad that we could offer her 100,000 less of what she paid for it and she would take it. Its 2 stories with 4 bedrooms, 3.5 BA, LR, formal LR, and bonus room, Dining Room, Huge Gourmet kitchen with eat in. Okay-- theres like totally no backyard to this house. Its way off the road in a very nice subdivision... but no backyard.

DH loved this house. He loved it so much he put a for sale sign in our yard yesterday and contemplating offering the 100,000 less of what she paid. We would automatically have nearly 100,000 in equity in the house if we got it. But the house just isnt practical. 4 BR? Did i mention that one of the BR's upstairs is a Master (with master bath), and downstairs has a Master with Master bath--- it would be nice if we had parents who needed it, or family-- but its just not practical with 2 people-- that huge 3500sq ft house. Its in our price range and super duper nice-- beautifully custom done-- definately not a speck.

Last night DH and I were headed over to a Super Bowl Party (dont remind me..:drinking1 -- I cant hold my alchohol well so I usually just dont drink. It was a woozy night). On the way I explained to DH that I had this feeling that it wasnt a right decision. I literally couldnt see making that house a home-- its just too big. I couldnt imagine entertaining outside there (we love entertaining, especially in the summer at the pool and in our yard). I told him I just had a feeling and something was telling me to go home and pull the sign up out of the yard. So DH was a little upset and thought I was getting cold feet (i was) and said that if our house sold we would know if its meant to be). As the night progressed (DH is NOT a drinker of any sorts) I was having my share and becoming a little more free with my words. I was politely telling him that I really dont think the move is good right now in our lives, and what a great house we have. He was starting to get cold feet too and let me know that. He wasnt as open as me...

So we went to bed last night and decided we would pull the sign up out of the yard in the morning. This morning before he headed out the door to work-- he did just that. I called him a little while ago and he said all he thought about that night was the house (DH cant pass up a good deal for anything). I quickly told him my reasoning again on it being unpractical and he agreed.

It does become a bummer when you start looking at all these huge custom homes and then you go back to yours which is a little smaller and your kind of growing out if it. But-- we dont have kids and we shouldnt be expanding too much more. Plus the summer is coming around-- and if any of you have a pool and then spend a summer away from one-- its less than fun!

So for now.... we are staying here. I suppose next week DH is going to get new carpet put in the house and a new refrigerator and we are going to relax for the next year. Its killing him because he sees that house, he wants it, and he can afford it. But if it wasnt a good deal we just wouldnt press through-- which makes me believe that house just isnt meant for us.:hug:

JJClemson
02-05-2007, 09:18 AM
Maggie, I am so glad you and your DH came to a decision together :hug: I know what a stressful week it has been for you!

Deesknee
02-05-2007, 11:22 AM
I'm sorry Maggimus, I'm not much help. I hate change as well so, I can identify with your feelings. My DH likes to buy "things" too. I prefer to spend money more on "time" aka vacations, activities with the kids, etc.
Now as far as homes....Yuh, I bought the one I grew up in! Sorry, I told you I wasn't much help. Now, dh is out of work and we MAY HAVE to move. IMO, buy bigger, better while you can, you can always sell, and buy smaller if you have to. Whatever the situation, talk it out, you two seem to be a wonderful couple. You'll decide togethre what is best for you both.

Dee