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View Full Version : Name Change - do I or don't I?


balatonbabe
01-26-2007, 08:35 AM
DF and I have been together for 5 years (DF is 35 and I'm 33) and are finally planning our DFTW for Jan/08! This will be DF 2nd marriage and my first. He has two DDs from 1st marriage who I adore, and of course share his surname. Looking for your opinions on whether or not I should change my name--DF is impartial as he is not involved with his bio-father, and has closer ties to his stepdad. Also, I'm not into the idea of hyphenating. Just thinking the whole name change thing is more paperwork than anything.

So whatta ya think?:confused:

TinkBride
01-26-2007, 08:53 AM
This is a very personal choice that everyone has their on feelings on.

Being the traditional girl that I am, I can not imagine getting married and NOT changing my name. Also, DF would take it personally and be very upset if I did not change my name, so I am changing it. The paperwork isn't all that bad.

Anyways, how does your DF feel about it? Talk to him and see where his feelings lie, if he doesn't care, then go with your gut, but if he has strong feelings about it, try to come to a compromise that suits you both! Good Luck!:thumbsup2

Summer-Caitlin
01-26-2007, 09:24 AM
I'm hyphenating my surname. I like my surname and I want to keep it. My fiance wanted me to take his name, so I decided to hyphenate. I don't get on with his family so the idea of being Mrs Dines, kinda reminds me of being her, and that I don't want to be!
My full name will now be Summer Caitlin Cassandra Lee Carson-Dines. Too long, I know, I'm only gonna use Summer Caitlin Carson-Dines though. I quite like it hyphenated, although I wasn't keen to begin with.

princessdisneybelle
01-26-2007, 09:36 AM
I am really traditional too. I definately want to change my name. He would be really hurt if I didnt. But like others have said. It's a very personal decision. As long as you and your DF are happy with what you decide. That's all that matter. :)

Tammy32
01-26-2007, 09:47 AM
I didn't change mine. I love my family name and I am very attached to it. It is who I am. Socially I don't care that people call me by his last name and most of our mail from family and friends has his last name. It doesn't bother me. I just wanted to keep my last name. In fact at our wedding we had them annouce us as a couple by his last name. So I say do what you feel is right for you and no one else. If you feel deeply to keep your name then keep it.

cryssi
01-26-2007, 10:04 AM
It's totally up to you! It took me almost a year to change mine (and to decide how to do it!), but mainly because I didn't have 2 free days to go sit at social security and the DMV. I had 2 days off when changing jobs, so I did it then. I have to say that DH's (extended) family kind of thinks that girls who don't change their names are being disrespectful. I'm not sure that DH really cared whether or not I did it, just that I said that I would do it and didn't for a long time. Anyway, I went from an unusual last name to one that's very, very, very common (but WAAAAAAAAY easier! :thumbsup2 ). I didn't want to give up any of my names, so I took my maiden as a 2nd middle and DH's as my last. My ID's have all names on them so I'm happy! :)

good luck with what you choose! do what makes YOU happy! :)

c

JJClemson
01-26-2007, 10:27 AM
This is an issue I am debating on too. DF does not care what I do, but he does want our children to have his last name, which I completely agree with.

I have an odd, hard-to-pronounce last name and always thought I'd be thrilled to finally change it, especially since DF has a simple 4-letter last name. However, for some reason, I feel if I give up my last name, I am losing a part of myself. Also, I have publishings in my field, so I would not want to give up my last name professionally. Also, as Summer-Caitlin said, I do not get along w/ DF's family at all, and I do not want to be known as the same name as his mother. It's fine if people do call me Mrs. and I expect that.

I am pretty sure I am going to keep my last name. I don't like the idea of hyphenating either. However, I may change my mind when we have children b/c I don't like the idea of having a different name than them. But that won't happen for a long, long time :)

Good luck! As others have said, this is a very personal decision. I wish you the best :wizard:

JandJ
01-26-2007, 10:30 AM
This is a tough one. I couldn't make up my mind and DH didn't pressure me one way or the other. I love my maiden name, it's 2 words and just very "old" sounding. And I love my daddy and wanted to keep his name. I toyed with hyphenating but it would have been a 3-word last name and I didn't like the idea of signing that all the time! And we want to eventually have kids and I'd like the same last name as them, and I'm an old fashioned girl, so I decided to take DH's name. When I told him he was happy about it. I give him a lot of credit for not showing any emotion either way when I was deciding because it was obviuos after I chose to take his name, that's what he wanted.

I moved my maiden name to my middle and ditched my given middle name, which I never cared for anyway. But, since my SS card had my maiden name smooshed together as one word that's how SS and DL did it to my middle name :headache: Recently a reminder to get my car's oil change came in the mail and they hyphenated my name and I really liked the look of it. Oh well, too late now . . . it's just we've been married a year and I'm really not used to being called by a different last name!!

As far as the paperwork, I went to SS on my lunch hour in the middle of the month - the beginning and end of the month is worse because people are there to get their checks or find out why they didn't get their checks, etc. At my SS office they have a separate line for people just doing things like a name change so it didn't even take an hour. I went to the DL place after my new SS card came in and that took a couple of hours.

Wow that's was a long response :rotfl:

balatonbabe
01-26-2007, 10:56 AM
Thank you all for responding.

Right now I'm leaning toward keeping my surname. May also be less confusing with the the kids in explaining I'm not their bio-mom, but the kewl step-mom:goodvibes I'll let you know what we decide, and thanks for all of your support.

jasnal
01-26-2007, 12:25 PM
I had to really think about this one for myself. I lost my father a year ago and so I didnt want to give up my last name because I felt I would be giving up a part of him! In the end I decided to make my last name my middle name and then take my DF last name. You have to do what you are comfortable with! Good luck with your decesion!

kennancat
01-26-2007, 01:11 PM
I've been married almost 5 years. I dropped my maiden name and took DH's last name. DH had no opinion, other then he would not change his last name when I jokingly suggested we do the blended last name thing :) In retrospect, I wish I had dropped my middle and moved my maiden to middle. I miss my last name. If it weren't for the PITA paperwork I'd have to go through to change it to First Maiden DHLast, I probably would do it.

smi727
01-26-2007, 04:23 PM
Does your DF's first wife still use his last name? I know I wouldn't want to be the second Mrs.! If she does, keep your last name or hyphenate! Hyphenating may work well with your future step-kids if you'll be signing paperwork for them (i.e. permission slips, emergency contacts, etc.) Just things to keep in mind...

balatonbabe
01-26-2007, 04:39 PM
Yes, ex-Mrs still has the name and now that I think of it, kind of leaves a sour taste in my mouth....:mad:

lurkyloo
01-26-2007, 05:13 PM
One thing to consider is that you can choose to be called whatever you like without legally changing your name (avoiding all the hassles that entails). You simply start using the new name as your own. It's called a Common Law name change, and most states will recognize it:

http://72.14.203.104/search?q=cache:goBGHYQz-dkJ:en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Name_change+common+law+name+change&hl=en&gl=us&ct=clnk&cd=4

A couple I know who didn't want to change names for green-card reasons combined their last names ("Green" and "Woods" to make "Greenwoods") and now use it exclusively, with no problem. :thumbsup2

DisBride2007
01-26-2007, 09:04 PM
I'm keeping my last name at least professionally. Like some of the others said, if people want to call me Mrs. in social situations, that's fine, but five years down the road I'd like to be able to network professionally with the same name. Also, not only do I like my last name better than his, but I also don't want to be Mrs. His-name (that's his mom!) DH doesn't mind as long as any future children have his name, and he only cares about that because he's the last one to carry it on, while I have a brother who can do that for my name.

smoof
01-27-2007, 12:15 PM
As everyone has said, it is a very personal decision. I didn't change it. DH hates that, but he lives with it. DH's family can't deal with it. Some people freak out when they get correspondance or people refer to them as Mrs. His Last Name. You have to take that with a grain of salt if you keep your name. People will share their "opinions" with you regardless of what you do. Ignore them. My supervisor was flat out insulting to me when I said I wasn't changing my name.