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View Full Version : ARRGH! My MIL is a Xmas nightmare!!


mookie
10-29-2006, 09:19 AM
:furious: :furious: :furious: :furious: :furious:

Okay, I guess that is being harsh. But I swear it happens every year. DH mom is very generous at Xmas. I mean VERY generous. At least 1,000 on each grandchild. There has been many talk about how hard it is to teach your child values when "Mimi" is always buying gifts at the drop of a hat. When DH and I went on vacation a few weeks ago, DD got over 200.00 worth of stuff while she stayed there!!!! (She was only there 4 days!!) So, you can imagine how Xmas is...

Anyway, back to my point. Every year, my MIL starts shopping early. She swoops up everything that she possibly can for these kids that's in their age group. The tough part is that it leaves my mom and even us without anything to get our kids!! My dd is now starting to finally "get" Santa. She's been really excited about making a list, etc. Well, MIL asked "what is Maddie asking Santa for Xmas this year?" Guess what?!!?! DH told her!!! You guessed it, she then went out and bought everything. This would be nice if she then gave it to us or to "santa." But she keeps it for herself, and says it's all from her!!!

I swear MIL might as well be Santa Claus. Nobody else can even touch her, and the kids get more stuff there then they do from Santa, because Santa has nothing left to give them..."mimi" has swallowed it all up.

Okay, just had to vent...I should be used to this by now, but it still irks me every year. And no matter how many times we say something to her, she never listens. :sad2:

klfrech
10-29-2006, 09:29 AM
I'd fix her wagon. She sounds like a control freak to me. Why can't you buy the "Santa" presents first, have your daughter open her presents from Santa first, and have dear grandma give her anything that Santa hasn't already given her? Yes, it will cause tremendous trouble, but how else do you get through to someone like her? I swear, these MILs sometimes forget what it was like to be a daughter-in-law themselves. They want to be the biggest, the best, etc... Guess what? Their son married you and your children will always love you more. That's the part they can't accept.

HLAuburn
10-29-2006, 09:33 AM
Hmm I think if this is the only problem you have with your MIL, you should count your blessings! :thumbsup2

patsal
10-29-2006, 09:34 AM
My Mom is like this. FOr my Mom it is making up for a lack of things she can't control with what she can. For years it was a huge problem. As your children get older they will change how they ask for things making this bunches easier. My Mom used to ask me what I was getting the kids and then she'd run out and get it call me and tell me I'd better remake my list because she had it all so ha ha ha. :confused3 She would do this for Birthdays, Chrismas, anything that had a gift attached to it. Now that my Dad is retired and the kids are older we have a more organized way of handling it. Each child comes up with a list, I prescreen it, and email it to my Mom. I only let her "have" so much and now she has 4 other grands and a more fixed income so it works out.
I would have a heart to heart with your DH explain the dilemma, and ask for his support in shortening the grandma list. Even if he starts slowly with giving her half the first year and then down to a quarter the next year. Besides with $1000+ per year you can't possibly be able to walk through the toys in your house! The other thing that seemed to work for me was a threat my Mother made and I called her on it--something like "you sold something I gave you, now I won't buy you anything else" Yup I sold the 12 year olds little tikes preschool ride on toys--I think he would have looked funny trying to ride them down the street! SHe stopped buying quite so much and now realizes that I am not storing what amounted to about $12,000 in toys for eternity. My thought--buy half of what you were going to buy and bank the rest for your child's education or even for a luxury like a car.
It is sweet that she want to buy for your child, but if you can, talk to her about putting 50% of what she would have spent in savings. Good luck. I know it is hard!

patsal
10-29-2006, 09:41 AM
I'd fix her wagon. She sounds like a control freak to me. Why can't you buy the "Santa" presents first, have your daughter open her presents from Santa first, and have dear grandma give her anything that Santa hasn't already given her? Yes, it will cause tremendous trouble, but how else do you get through to someone like her? I swear, these MILs sometimes forget what it was like to be a daughter-in-law themselves. They want to be the biggest, the best, etc... Guess what? Their son married you and your children will always love you more. That's the part they can't accept.
That was always difficult for us. The control freak in my mother knew how to circumvent Santa. SHe has always has a huge get together at her house on Christmas Eve. THere she gives out all the out of the house presents. When I was little I used to think how cool Christmas Eve was at our house, the out of the house stuff would get moved out to make room for Santa. When I was 35 I realized her tactic--I'm a slow learner when it comes to my Mother--it has only been the last four years that I have come to terms with her tactics and motivation. Never underestimate the tactics of the manipulative control freak! :lmao:

NY Disney fan
10-29-2006, 09:50 AM
:furious: :furious: :furious: :furious: :furious:



Well, MIL asked "what is Maddie asking Santa for Xmas this year?"





Next time tell her "Maddie told Santa she wants a college fund." :rotfl: Then lets' see what Grandma does.

GOOFY4DONALD
10-29-2006, 10:10 AM
:furious: :furious: :furious: :furious: :furious:

Okay, I guess that is being harsh. But I swear it happens every year. DH mom is very generous at Xmas. I mean VERY generous. At least 1,000 on each grandchild. There has been many talk about how hard it is to teach your child values when "Mimi" is always buying gifts at the drop of a hat. When DH and I went on vacation a few weeks ago, DD got over 200.00 worth of stuff while she stayed there!!!! (She was only there 4 days!!) So, you can imagine how Xmas is...

Anyway, back to my point. Every year, my MIL starts shopping early. She swoops up everything that she possibly can for these kids that's in their age group. The tough part is that it leaves my mom and even us without anything to get our kids!! My dd is now starting to finally "get" Santa. She's been really excited about making a list, etc. Well, MIL asked "what is Maddie asking Santa for Xmas this year?" Guess what?!!?! DH told her!!! You guessed it, she then went out and bought everything. This would be nice if she then gave it to us or to "santa." But she keeps it for herself, and says it's all from her!!!

I swear MIL might as well be Santa Claus. Nobody else can even touch her, and the kids get more stuff there then they do from Santa, because Santa has nothing left to give them..."mimi" has swallowed it all up.

Okay, just had to vent...I should be used to this by now, but it still irks me every year. And no matter how many times we say something to her, she never listens. :sad2:
I can understand your frustration. My MIL is a control freak as well. BUT... since she got a divorce my MIL (who by the way get her nail & hair done weekly) says she can't afford anything so my kids get nothing. absolutly nothing. She will drop by on Christmas Eve to get her present from us but comes by empty handed. Even 1 item from the dollar store would let the kids know she cares.

mrsboz
10-29-2006, 10:11 AM
I wish I had your problem. My kids only have one grandmother. I, also only had one grandmother. They are not the warm and fuzzy type and don't extend themselves in any way. My kids get a check for $50.00 each for Christmas and that is it. No, she is not poor. She is a millionaire. I'm not seeing your problem. I'm not trying to be mean. I guess I just wish I had the problem. Maybe you could return some of the stuff after Christmas and get the money and put it in their account.

mum of two pirates
10-29-2006, 10:23 AM
Tell her the only thing on the list is a week at disney. Tell her that every year. The kids said santa brought it last year and he will bring what I ask for this year. Come on people. My mom would buy the kids tons of stuff and still be in the bedroom christmas eve wrapping more just so they would have more things. My DSIL tried for years to get her to change her ways, Then when I had my kids, I also found it hard to have them with so much stuff becouse I waaaaaaaaaaay overbought also. So now she puts money in my boys accounts she opened for them for collage, on birthdays and christmas and then gets them a bottle of soap for the bathroom (the clear kind with an animal on the inside) and one small thing. It used to be a beanie babie when the kids were into them. They and I love the soap every time and then they take better care of the toy.

Maybe you should talk to the kids about the santa list and then not tell DH and only tell him about half of the list. Start making the kids santa list a secreat. Like as soon as they write it or finish it mail it off to santa and tell them if they tell, santa will know. Tell her things like a laptop. A new sister, :rotfl2: or a cruise. That might get her, or if not you get a familey vacation. Its a win for you as long as she doesnt come. Good luck.

Disneyglobegirl
10-29-2006, 10:39 AM
Maybe you should tell MIL that the kids want a Disney trip for Christmas :)

ogreenlee
10-29-2006, 10:41 AM
My MIL has always spent a fortune on the entire family for Xmas. She has two sons, and my dd makes two granddaughters, and that's it. Well I had to sit down last year and tell her the truth about trying to keep up with her. We were going into debt making sure that we got each person in the family a whole lot of stuff.

She was so relieved. She felt like since she was the Grandma/Mom that it was her duty to get more for the family than her own son. She was trying to make sure each year that she had more than what we were going to give. We've all been going broke. :lol

So, starting this year, we've said that we'd let her get us one nice gift each, and stuff our stockings... but she was welcome to do whatever for the grandkids.

bamamom
10-29-2006, 10:41 AM
At least she buys it.....my MIL will ask what they want and then say I'm getting the item. THen come Christmas Eve the kids will open their gifts and that item or items want be there. We will quietly ask "Where is whatever?" and she will say oh I never made it to the mall or where ever to pick that up :furious: but she has time to buy them junk that don't want or are too old for or something like that!!

robinb
10-29-2006, 11:35 AM
I feel your pain. My mother is on a fixed income but that doesn't stop her from buying lots of expensive crap that we don't want or need. We drive to Chicago with presents for 7 people and our car is even more packed on the way home with presents for 3! When we used to go to my mom's for Christmas she would still be wrapping at 2:00 AM. Now we visit my in-laws in Tampa over Christmas (neither we nor they are Christian) on our way to WDW so my DD gets a pile of crap to open in January when we come back. Hannukah is sometimes 3 weeks earlier!

Skatermom23
10-29-2006, 12:05 PM
I will assume your kids are young now? Just wait till they are teens and she can buy them all the designer stuff they want. I wish my kids had a grandparent who did that!

imsayin
10-29-2006, 12:18 PM
I wish I had your problem. My kids only have one grandmother. I, also only had one grandmother. They are not the warm and fuzzy type and don't extend themselves in any way. My kids get a check for $50.00 each for Christmas and that is it. No, she is not poor. She is a millionaire. I'm not seeing your problem. I'm not trying to be mean. I guess I just wish I had the problem.

I too would love this problem. I would let MIL buy everything, and I would give the kids money for their college fund. My kids also have only 1 grandparent left. She used to not buy them anything for x-mas or their b-days, now she sends something minimal. MIL was more generous when she was alive. My kids have learned that some people give more, some less, some nothing. They accept it, and they know how to properly react to it.

tinan
10-29-2006, 12:37 PM
I would try not to let it get to you too much. I mean I understand your frustration, but seriously if that is the only problem you have with her than I would say you are doing pretty well. You know she could be buying the kids so much because she misses raising her own, perhaps she can now afford for the grandkids what she may not been able to for her own kids, or perhaps she realizes she is getting older and no one is around forever. I'm not sure what her reasons are for wanting to do this. What I would suggest is that either you or your husband talk to her and ask her if she would mind/be willing to sign some of the tags from santa and tell the kids that he left some presents at her house from him. When mine were younger, at first, I too was upset that this or that was coming from this person or that person, but in all honesty does it really matter who it comes from? I think it's the adults that worry about that more than the kids. Life is too short to sweat the small stuff.

disneyvacalover
10-29-2006, 12:43 PM
No offense, but must be nice. My MIL gives my kids $25.00 each. And she is not poor. My husband and I get NOTHING!!!!!
You wouldn't believe what she did for our wedding!! CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP!!
I agess with many other posters. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS!!!!!

mickeyfan2
10-29-2006, 12:51 PM
Buy what Santa was going to and make sure the MIL does not see your DD until after Santa's and your Mom's presents have been opened. Then when DD gets a duplicate gift you can just return the one from MIL with the receipts from Santa and put the money into her savings account.

Love the Mouse
10-29-2006, 01:05 PM
It isn't right that she purchases all of the things that "Santa" should be getting your children for Christmas. I know it is hard enough trying to figure out what to get w/o someone else buying up everything.

She could be like my MIL. We will be visiting my SIL next month and she told my DH mom that she should get something for my DD. She has seen her 2x since she was born (2 yrs. 5 mos ago).

She actually had the nerve to complain to my DH...said that she was told to get her own GD a gift.
I have learned not to expect much from her (although I am surprisingly shocked each time)...this is a woman who purchased a pair of tweezers and gave a check for $10 for my Dh for his Birthday/Christmas/Hannuka presents one year. LOL

Michaela http://www.wdwinfo.com/photopost/data/500/17858boo-thumb.gif

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HeatherC
10-29-2006, 01:14 PM
I think more of what you're saying has to do with a "respect" issue than the actual presents themselves. She just doesn't seem to respect your feelings and ignores them completely. People like this can't be controlled, but remember its your children. Be firm....tell her that if she continues to ignore your wishes she won't even see the kids at Christmas. I know...sounds really mean...but maybe laying it all on the line will finally get through to her and make for many more "Happy" times with her. You can always be polite, just let her know you're not kidding around this time.

Best of luck to you.
HeatherC

Shanan
10-29-2006, 01:40 PM
Sounds like her love language is gifts. I am a person whose love language is gifts - whether presents, cards, homemade items, etc. We do not have any kids so I would take my nephew to Toys R Us when he would spend the night with us and he lives in the same county. My sister finally asked me why did I do that. I told her that I enjoyed getting him a puzzle or game that we could play with together when he spent the night. My sister said that she felt that she was competing for her son's love and could not measure up to the gifts and money I spent on him. It was a surprise to me since I did not realize her position. Sister & her husband are on limited budget. I realized her position and don't buy something when nephew spends the night. Now his mom packs a game for us to "play" when he comes over.

I do agree with the other posters and tell kids to work on getting a WDW trip out of grandma.

mookie
10-29-2006, 01:52 PM
I too would love this problem. I would let MIL buy everything, and I would give the kids money for their college fund.

This is a great idea in theory, but the bigger problem that we are having is that our kids are young right now, and so the things that they are vocalizing that they want are things that they want to ask "SANTA" for. Santa doesn't bring money for college...not much fun there!! I would definitely do that if they were older, but they aren't. The problem that we are having is that "mimi" is wanting to BE SANTA. So, where does that leave the big guy?

We have often told her that it's too much. We don't even let the kids have their stuff all at once, we spread it out over a period of time after Xmas. Not only that, but we have even told her that we will start giving some of the things to less fortunate kids.

The point for us right now is more that she is taking away from "Santa's duties." Because since she's bought everything, there is nothing else left to give. Not only that, but the kids don't NEED any more. It's sad to me that the kids are starting to look forward to going to her house more than waking up to Santa in the morning because they get more things...and that's not right.

toesmom
10-29-2006, 02:04 PM
How terrible of you to think this way towards your mother in law. My MIL passed away when my dd was only 4, they had a wonderful relationship and always always bought her things because she was the grandmother and she could afford to. Well, she suffered massive heart attack and my dd will never know her as we all did, and my ds3 never met her.

So, you lady need to count your blessings. At least your husband's mother is alive and can form some sort of relationship with your kids. I can name many families whose grandparents are nowhere near as caring about the kids as yours seem to be. And for some people, caring is shown in the form of buying gifts (my mom is this way).

As others have said, if this is your biggest problem, then you must lead a wonderful life.

LoriNSC
10-29-2006, 02:05 PM
MY MIL either buys something I've already bought or bugs my DH to find out what my DM is getting them, then buys whatever my DM bought. She does this every year for Xmas or B-days. I've starting lying to her about gifts they're getting.
Also, my MIL buys more for my DH's brother's kids because his brother is divorced and she feels sorry for his 2 kids.
I could go on & on about my MIL, but I'll stop. I just wanted you to know-I feel your frustration. :furious:

rt2dz
10-29-2006, 02:30 PM
:furious: :furious: :furious: :furious: :furious:

Okay, I guess that is being harsh. But I swear it happens every year. DH mom is very generous at Xmas. I mean VERY generous. At least 1,000 on each grandchild. There has been many talk about how hard it is to teach your child values when "Mimi" is always buying gifts at the drop of a hat. When DH and I went on vacation a few weeks ago, DD got over 200.00 worth of stuff while she stayed there!!!! (She was only there 4 days!!) So, you can imagine how Xmas is...

Anyway, back to my point. Every year, my MIL starts shopping early. She swoops up everything that she possibly can for these kids that's in their age group. The tough part is that it leaves my mom and even us without anything to get our kids!! My dd is now starting to finally "get" Santa. She's been really excited about making a list, etc. Well, MIL asked "what is Maddie asking Santa for Xmas this year?" Guess what?!!?! DH told her!!! You guessed it, she then went out and bought everything. This would be nice if she then gave it to us or to "santa." But she keeps it for herself, and says it's all from her!!!

I swear MIL might as well be Santa Claus. Nobody else can even touch her, and the kids get more stuff there then they do from Santa, because Santa has nothing left to give them..."mimi" has swallowed it all up.

Okay, just had to vent...I should be used to this by now, but it still irks me every year. And no matter how many times we say something to her, she never listens. :sad2:

My parents spend a lot on my kids, and I have no problem with it. I don't mind my kids having a ton of stuff. It's not a big deal, as long as they appreciate what they are getting, take care of what they have and don't expect things. In which case, they are on target.

What they usually do though, is buy the pricey stuff. A game system, all the accessories and games. All the pirates of the Caribean toys; I mean, really, how fun is just one or two action figures--the ship, all the figures and a few of the other stuff is much better. The younger two are each getting a powerwheel vehicle this year; the littler one getting a 1-3 year one. I did try and talk them into a Disney vacation, but they wouldn't go for it as they get pleasure watching all 9 grandkids open their gifts.

Of course, my parents would never buy what they ask Santa for--that should come from Santa. But other than that, I don't care who buys my kids what. I don't need credit.

Maybe you could tell MIL, how dissappointing it would be if Santa didn't bring what Santa was asked for. She wouldn't want to ruin Christmas morning for your little one, would she?

We circumvent the big Christmas morning at my parents house easily. We do Christmas with my in-laws (who buy one modest gift per child) a couple of days prior to Christmas. Christmas eve they then open gifts from us. First thing in the morning is Santa. Then off to my parents house where the chaos ensues. My kids never compare what one gives to another; it is just the way it is. We don't feel a need to keep up with the Jones', and it leaves us money for other things--Vacations, museum/zoo memberships, etc.

You could probably do something like that. Then your DD would get the gifts she wants from Santa. You could tell your DD that Santa must not have been able to keep up with ALL those gifts from MIL while tracking all the naughty & nice boys & girls in the world. ;) And don't tell Mimi, it might hurt her feelings.

Then you could return the extra gifts & put the money into a college fund, sell them on ebay, give to charity, set aside store credits for birthday gifts, whatever. You don't even need to tell MIL.

mom2grace
10-29-2006, 02:32 PM
This is a great idea in theory, but the bigger problem that we are having is that our kids are young right now, and so the things that they are vocalizing that they want are things that they want to ask "SANTA" for. Santa doesn't bring money for college...not much fun there!! I would definitely do that if they were older, but they aren't. The problem that we are having is that "mimi" is wanting to BE SANTA. So, where does that leave the big guy?

We have often told her that it's too much. We don't even let the kids have their stuff all at once, we spread it out over a period of time after Xmas. Not only that, but we have even told her that we will start giving some of the things to less fortunate kids.

The point for us right now is more that she is taking away from "Santa's duties." Because since she's bought everything, there is nothing else left to give. Not only that, but the kids don't NEED any more. It's sad to me that the kids are starting to look forward to going to her house more than waking up to Santa in the morning because they get more things...and that's not right.

So can you do Santa before they see your MIL? I would insist on it, and it might teach MIL a lesson. I have lots of MIL issues (this is not one of them) and my kids are now 5 & 3. Now, my family (DH, kids, & me) come first, MIL just has to deal with it. But, it's imperative that DH is on your side, because if he's not, you're toast. Have a heart-to-heart with him. It took us a long time to get there, about 5 years to be exact! :)

I would let your kids keep 2 of the gifts from MIL, and give the rest to needy families in your community! If you start that now, your kids will get used to it and they will come to expect that they will be sharing their "riches"!

:grouphug: to you!

Jaklackus
10-29-2006, 02:36 PM
deleted

mookie
10-29-2006, 02:40 PM
How terrible of you to think this way towards your mother in law. My MIL passed away when my dd was only 4, they had a wonderful relationship and always always bought her things because she was the grandmother and she could afford to. Well, she suffered massive heart attack and my dd will never know her as we all did, and my ds3 never met her.

So, you lady need to count your blessings. At least your husband's mother is alive and can form some sort of relationship with your kids. I can name many families whose grandparents are nowhere near as caring about the kids as yours seem to be. And for some people, caring is shown in the form of buying gifts (my mom is this way).

As others have said, if this is your biggest problem, then you must lead a wonderful life.


Um, wow. Don't even know what to say to that. I'm not saying that we don't feel lucky to have her, give me break!!! I am not comparing her to if I would rather have her here with us or not....that is NOT the issue - far from it. I may argue with my DH, MIL, whoever, and I'm sure you've disagreed with someone in your life as well, but that doesn't mean that I am not GRATEFUL that they are here with me!!!

Two TOTALLY seperate issues. Please understand that. I do not appreciate being told that I am not happy that someone is still with us in life when that is completely untrue. My thoughts are pointed to a particular SITUATION...not as to wether I hate my MIL or not.

My opinion is that buying someone a lot of gifts is not the way to show that you love them. It just means that you like to buy them material things. If the only love a grandchild sees is that of a wrapped present, then that to me is not "Yeah! Grama is here!" but instead "Grama's here! What'd she bring me?"

Shagley
10-29-2006, 02:54 PM
How terrible of you to think this way towards your mother in law. My MIL passed away when my dd was only 4, they had a wonderful relationship and always always bought her things because she was the grandmother and she could afford to. Well, she suffered massive heart attack and my dd will never know her as we all did, and my ds3 never met her.

So, you lady need to count your blessings. At least your husband's mother is alive and can form some sort of relationship with your kids. I can name many families whose grandparents are nowhere near as caring about the kids as yours seem to be. And for some people, caring is shown in the form of buying gifts (my mom is this way).

As others have said, if this is your biggest problem, then you must lead a wonderful life.

WOW - that is quite harsh. I'm very sorry that you lost your MIL who sounds like she was a great person, but it is not necessary to be so hard on the OP. She is entitled to be frustrated at her MIL. Just because you had a wonderful MIL and miss her dearly doesn't mean that everyone who has a living MIL can't be frustrated or annoyed by them at times. I really am sorry for your loss.

Also, to everyone who says that the OP should consider herself lucky that that her MIL buys her kids gifts are totally missing the point. I think it is more that the MIL is not honoring the OP's wishes about how she wants to handle Christmas that is more the problem rather than the material items that the MIL gives to the kids.

fivefordisney
10-29-2006, 02:54 PM
I do understand exactly what you are talking about. And you are right, it has nothing to do with whether you love your MIL or not. I happen to love my MIL. She is very kind and thoughtful--she helped make my DH the awesome man he is today. However, she does overindulge my kids to the point that they expect a present every time they see her. I don't think she means to overindulge--I just think it's her way to show the kids that she loves them. Maybe there's a bit of wanting to be #1 in my kids eyes...but it comes from good intention. She often gets them their "best" presents at Christmas and on birthdays.

You are going to have to talk with you MIL about the situation. You may need to tell her that the kids may only open one of her presents on Christmas Eve and that the rest will have to wait until after Santa comes. Explain to her that you know how short the years with Santa truly are and that you need her help with the magic. That means NOT giving them everything before Christmas. Believe me, it's sad when they don't believe in Santa anymore. It takes some of the fun and magic away...they (and we) still love Christmas, but that total faith in Santa is just priceless.

Good luck. Try to remember that it most likely comes from good intention or insecurity about your kids' love for her...

ferris198
10-29-2006, 03:35 PM
I have a DS 6, who has everything he could possibly want because of the generosity of family members and because he is the only male child. And while my husband and I are grateful for it, it can pose problems particulary at Christmas with people trying to outdo each other and buy the biggest most expensive item. For instance, a crane that was $100.00, that was used for a couple of days. A remote control helicopter that again was $100.00 was used only once or twice. he has gotten more use out of a $30.00 drum set from Toys R Us that my brother bought as he is on a limited budget.
A few years ago, my mother decided that my son had enough toys and she wasn't going to buy anymore. Now for his birthday and Christmas she buys him bonds.
We have explained to him that once he is an adult these bonds are his, and can be used for whatever he wants, whether it be a house, a car, or whatever.
He totally understands that and is excited by by it. My Mom always has the bonds framed so he can unwrap it, and then she buys him something small, a book, or a game that is fun. He tells his friends all about the bonds Gramma gives him and how when he grows up he is going to buy a Mustang Convertible just like hers.

sk!mom
10-29-2006, 03:38 PM
Buy what Santa was going to and make sure the MIL does not see your DD until after Santa's and your Mom's presents have been opened. Then when DD gets a duplicate gift you can just return the one from MIL with the receipts from Santa and put the money into her savings account.

This is what I would do as well, if she wouldn't listen to reason when DH talked with her. As far as the rest of the gifts, I would just consider it a blessing that Dh and I didn't have to spend too much on Christmas since she bought everything they wanted. I don't actually have this problem though.

I agree with those who said that what you really have is a respect issue. Your MIL seems to refuse to respect your wishes. Quite frankly, DH and I would not put up with the lack of respect. Where is your Dh in all of this? My DH would have talked to his mom when the problem first occurred and it would have been worked out.

Mrs.PrinceCharming
10-29-2006, 03:44 PM
I understand about the Santa thing, I really do. Your mother in law does sound controlling and manipulative but at least she does it in a nice way. While your mil may be an overactive Fairy Godmother, mine is Malificent and the Evil Queen incarnate.

klfrech
10-29-2006, 03:52 PM
MIL needs to adhere to the wishes of the OP. End of discussion. This is her time to be Santa. Kids grow up so fast and we parents need to savor every minute. MIL had her turn! The issue is one of respect. Not who gets more, who gets less, whose MIL died...it's about respecting each other. That's the only way adults can get along. I think OP's MIL is selfish and inconsiderate. She only cares about how giving all this stuff to her grandchild makes her feel. She hasn't even considered what it may be doing to her grandchild. Overindulgent people (whether parents or grandparents) never see the big picture... it's always all about them. Then they wonder why we have a society of kids with no work ethnic and little appreciation for anything. Grandparents should be able to spoil...to a point (and with parental approval).

It's A Happy Day
10-29-2006, 04:11 PM
Fortunately I have great inlaws all around. They spend about what your MIL spends on Christmas but with 1 BIG difference. All of their gifts are under our tree Christmas morning from Santa with anything my DH & I picked up - the neat thing about this is that it's kind of like Santa really did come because we don't konw what my inlaws got the kids. Whats important to them is the kids enjoy Christmas, not who gave what.

Is this a thing where she wants the kids to know GRANDMA did all this or is she trying to be Santa? If your MIL lives close by maybe you could speak with her and explain nicely that the kids don't look forward to Christmas morning because they know they'll get more from Grandma instead and this makes you sad not angry (even if that stetches the truth a little). Maybe all the gifts could be under the tree Christmas morning and could she spend the night in the guest room or come over bright & early for breakfast and present opening. If she's doing it because she wants Christmas to be about her then I would ask her if you could come over during Christmas vacation - several days after Christmas and celebrate with her because you really want the kids to enjoy Christmas Day opening Santas presents and playing with those gifts instead of rushing through presents in the morning, not being able to play with those things, and running around visiting.

It's A Happy Day
10-29-2006, 04:19 PM
Buy what Santa was going to and make sure the MIL does not see your DD until after Santa's and your Mom's presents have been opened. Then when DD gets a duplicate gift you can just return the one from MIL with the receipts from Santa and put the money into her savings account.

Does MIL give gift receipts??? Hang on to yours just in case because you can return MIL gift with your reecipt if necessary.

the only flaw in this proposition is most of the time I don't get a receipt when people give my kids a gift (I'm reluctant to ask them for one) and stores will not give back money without one they will only issue a store credit and it is at the current sale price which may be less than what the item was purchased at. Also I know some retail stores will only refund the transaction the way it was made so unless MIL paid cash they will not give back cash. Alot of the times when my kids get duplicates I "buy" the item from them for the going rate and regift them to nieces and nephews - they are all at least 1 year younger than mine so nothing goes to waste.

gottaluvdis
10-29-2006, 04:26 PM
MIL needs to adhere to the wishes of the OP. End of discussion. This is her time to be Santa. Kids grow up so fast and we parents need to savor every minute. MIL had her turn! The issue is one of respect. Not who gets more, who gets less, whose MIL died...it's about respecting each other. That's the only way adults can get along. I think OP's MIL is selfish and inconsiderate. She only cares about how giving all this stuff to her grandchild makes her feel. She hasn't even considered what it may be doing to her grandchild. Overindulgent people (whether parents or grandparents) never see the big picture... it's always all about them. Then they wonder why we have a society of kids with no work ethnic and little appreciation for anything. Grandparents should be able to spoil...to a point (and with parental approval).

Perfectly said! Some posters have missed the whole point. It's not about money, gifts, love for MIL or vice-versa. It's about respect and letting the parents take the lead on Christmas with their own children. Our DD9 is an only grandchild on DH's side, and those grandparents live 1500 miles away. We've had to deal with who gets her what for Christmas, but we always communicate ahead of time and work it out. They more than have the means, but understand that they aren't doing her any favors by over-spoiling her and most importantly, they respect our wishes.

imsayin
10-29-2006, 04:29 PM
Grandparents should be able to spoil...to a point (and with parental approval).

I never gave approval to MIL to spoil my kids, and I would have found it disrespectful to place that parameter on her. IMO, a 70+ year old parent should not be asking permission to give my kid a cookie, present, etc. I found it easy to explain to the kids that something they do/get at grandma's is not the way it is at home. I don't think my kids will have "no work ethnic and little appreciation for anything" because of it.

hollieplus2
10-29-2006, 04:53 PM
I understand what you are saying. I don't think you're being ungrateful and maybe those people who don't have grandparents that are willing to do that may resent you but you are entitled to your opinion. I would be very mad too. Not that she was spending money or spoiling the kids (that's what grandparents do) but because she is ruining your right as a parent to see your kids happy on x-mas morning because of santa and you. Christmas is all about seeing your kids light up and the excitement when they wake up knowing santa was there. What fun is it if santa didn't bring anything they wanted or their own parents didn't get them anything they wanted because grandma did it first. If I am raising my child, paying for my child, gave birth to my child, wiping up puke when they are sick then I should be able to have a say when it comes to x-mas. No one has the right to take that away from you. Christmas only comes once a year and they only believe in santa for so long, why would she want to take that away from you or them. She's only hurting herself in the long run. I see your point and agree with you completly. It's not that your ungrateful, you just want to be able to give your child a christmas. They are your children, not hers. She raised her kid her way and now it's your turn.

wrldpossibility
10-29-2006, 04:54 PM
How terrible of you to think this way towards your mother in law. My MIL passed away when my dd was only 4, they had a wonderful relationship and always always bought her things because she was the grandmother and she could afford to. Well, she suffered massive heart attack and my dd will never know her as we all did, and my ds3 never met her.

So, you lady need to count your blessings. At least your husband's mother is alive and can form some sort of relationship with your kids. I can name many families whose grandparents are nowhere near as caring about the kids as yours seem to be. And for some people, caring is shown in the form of buying gifts (my mom is this way).

As others have said, if this is your biggest problem, then you must lead a wonderful life.

This is ridiculous. The OP has a ligitimate issue. It's about control and respect, as others have said, not about gifts. OP, I understand, because I have parents who do this to a lesser extent. My advice is to not let her override you like that. You should have control over what your kids receive. I would tell her in a serious conversation that you and DH decided each of your kids will get ONE nice gift from each family member this year (this way it's a general policy and not just toward her). She can buy what she wants (since your issue is the quantity, not the items, it sounds), with no limit, but only one per child. Since young children don't realize the cost of things, even if she buys an expensive item, if there's only one, your children will not feel overwhelmed or get spoiled by her. Then there will surely be items you can buy for Santa duty, etc.

If she ignores this, explain that all but one (each) of the toys will be stored away, then do it. Make sure your DH backs you up! Good luck!

rocky41102
10-29-2006, 05:09 PM
I'm not going to even think about disagreeing or agreeing as it's clear everyone has their own opinions on this issue.

Just a suggestion that might help the situation at Christmas. I do this every year and it seems to work. We don't have one person who will buy everything, but we are lucky enough to have several grandparents/in laws and so on. Anyway, I just give each person a different list of presents. I find out what my son wants and what I think he'd like and then section off the list for each person. That way Santa has his own list with presents that aren't on anyone else's list. I always add extra presents to each list because I like everyone to be able to pick and choose what they want-I just make sure the really "important" things are on Santa's list and I make sure to buy them. I don't think any kid expects to get everything on their list just from Santa so put the more expensive items on your MIL's list. Keep the things you want to get your children secret. There's still a chance your MIL will buy some of the same presents, but you can always tell your kids that Santa's elves make everyone's toys even the store ones so sometimes Grandma will get the same thing Santa did just by accident. (You can also tell your children that only Santa and mom can know what's on their list, so they need to tell you so you can make a list and then mom can mail it to the North Pole-just in case MIL asks the kids what they want!)

Good Luck with whatever you decide!!!

kaw1218
10-29-2006, 05:25 PM
Not only that, but we have even told her that we will start giving some of the things to less fortunate kids.


THere is your answer.....My MIL used to ask my kids(DD8 & 10) what they wanted for Xmas, and then proceed to buy them computer games.....4-5 every year. My kids had no desire to play these games. They sat unopened on a shelf. We started to give them to Toys for Tots, or the Salvation Army. Just last year, she finally asked the kids where all the games were. They told her they never played them, so they gave them to the 'wanted kids'(I have no idea where they got that from :confused3 ) . They would just rather have clothes(yes they actually said that) and books. Now she buys them gift cards to Barnes and Noble and places like Limited Too. In fact she called earlier today to ask what 'cool' places they want clothes from this year!
Good Luck.

klfrech
10-29-2006, 05:29 PM
My goodness!! I'm not talking about asking permission to give a child a cookie. That's ridiculous. I am talking about serious overindulgence. Parents can be just as guilty of this. Once again, it is about respect. My mother wanted to buy my DD a tv for her bedroom because we wouldn't. We told her we didn't want her to have a television in her bedroom. That was the end of the discussion. She respected our wishes as her parents. Afterall, we are her parents.

FayeW
10-29-2006, 05:31 PM
OP, I think that the only way to handle this to state very clearly NOW that specific gifts WILL be coming from Santa. Do NOT open Mimi's gifts until later Christmas day, after the Santa gifts have already been opened. Tell her what Santa is bringing, and make it clear that she is NOT, under any circumstances, to purchase those items. Tell her that if she buys any of those items, to KEEP HER RECEIPTS, they will be going back.Whatever your previous arrangement was concerning gifts, let her know THAT FROM NOW ON, gifts from you, your DH, and Santa, will be opened FIRST! If she tries to give gifts on Christmas eve, take them, put them in the car, and sweetly let her know they will be opened IN THE MORNING, after you see what Santa has brought.

None of this has to be confrontational. Just say it matter of fact. Tell her that the big gifts have to come from the parents and Santa. That's it.

nbodyhome
10-29-2006, 06:25 PM
My problem here wouldn't be with the MIL, but with the husband who told her what the kids wanted. If she can plug that leak (him), then that would help.

When she asks next time, think of something that is an item that maybe the family can enjoy (or even Disney Dollars!) - and say that if she gets them too many toys, that some will be donated (and do that). There are a lot of children who are lucky to get any toys for Christmas.

I am not sure that it's a situation of even being a control freak. My mom spoils her grandkids rotten (my nieces children). It is way too much stuff - but she doesn't seem to be able to help herself. She sees princess merchandise at Disney, she buys it. If it was me and my kids, it'd probably drive me nuts! But it isn't controlling, she just sees things and wants to get them for the kids.

disnutt
10-29-2006, 06:54 PM
I'm sympathetic to OP. MIL buys way too much. We have the complete collections of several of the American Girl dolls from Bitty Baby up. Also, MIL thinks that every gift becomes a family heirloom so it should be kept forever. Her house could be considered a fire hazard. She buys gifts and keeps them at her house labeled 'Santa'. It ticks me off because, as another poster said, it is MY turn to be Santa. If she didn't do it right the first time- TOO BAD! :rotfl:

I give stuff to Goodwill at a regular clip and still can't keep the kids's rooms looking neat. I would ebay some things but because the kids know that there will be replacements coming w/the next birthday, holiday, lost tooth, or hangnail they don't really seem interested in taking care of their toys. Nothing is precious if you have everything you want.

Good luck to the OP and prayers for me, please.

*JoGo*
10-29-2006, 08:00 PM
Like others have mentioned, I wouldn't do Christmas w/ her until AFTER Santa has been to your house. If MIL gives your kids toys Santa already gave them, Oops! Guess they'll have to be returned! She should've known not to get those items since your dh told her what Santa was bringing, perhaps she's going senile and forgot? :rotfl:

You need to tell your dh how you feel... maybe he doesn't see anything wrong with this? Or he's just oblivious since (I'm assuming) you do the majority of the xmas shopping for your family.

Good luck!
My dh's stepmom, she always asks for lists - I make one on Amazon where you order right off the Wish List, yet she ALWAYS gets them stuff that wasn't on the list, junk they don't like. I put a variety of diff. items on the list, I tell her in conversations what they're into, etc etc... I think I could go shopping with her, put the item in her cart, and she'd still end up buying them the wrong thing. THAT is frustrating, especially when we've made the mistake of trusting she was buying one of the boys a specific item so WE don't buy it, then he ends up not getting something he really wanted which we would've bought had we known she wasn't getting it. :furious:

djbleach
10-29-2006, 08:07 PM
I have a "control freak" MIL. and I'm one also, so we don't get along that great.
I think the difference Is I see that I'm one, and I'm willing to change.
For her, If she's not the center of attention and things are not the way she plans, then she's a drama queen.
Anyway.
Most the time an "argument" isn't about what's being talked about. This is probably more deep than her buy presents.
It would upset me as well, if my MIL started tryting to "undercut" my wife and I and buy the gifts before we could just to make herself look like the good grandma.
Anyway. I feel your pain and I'm on your side.
Doesn she do anything else Positive for your kids, besides buy them gifts?
What about spending quality time with them on their terms. Letting them have fun?
Or is she like My MIL who only does things for SHOW????

branv
10-29-2006, 09:25 PM
Anyone who does not "get" this situation should count themselves lucky to not have had to deal with a manipulative person who will turn even the most "special" moments into being all about them (rather than blasting someone to "count themselves lucky" on a situation you have no experience with).

I am actually a little relieved to read that there are other people with relatives who purposefully turn something as special as Christmas into a moment to express their passive aggressive nastiness. Every Christmas is a toss up whether it's just a present or a time bomb. We should start a support group for holidays. :grouphug: I finally told DH that this year we are going to an every other Christmas with my parents just so I can have time to either get extensive therapy from the Christmas before or stock up on tranquilizers for the Christmas to come. ;)

jbthi
10-29-2006, 09:46 PM
I guess I am that grandmother that buys too much. In my defense though when I buy an item that would make a good gift from Santa, that item is from Santa. I don't put names on the gifts who they are from and until the kids got old enough to think about it, the only way they realized they were from me was the different wrapping paper then what their parents used.

Now it is getting difficult to buy for the older ones. I have bought I-Pods, cameras, etc. but if there is nothing they really want I wrap a few small things up and give them money they can use for their college fund.

We didn't have the money when our kids were young and I did appreciate what my parents did get them for Christmas. Now it's my turn to do it for my GC.

June

SaraMc
10-29-2006, 10:04 PM
I too would love this problem, DH mother is mentally ill and thinks that our son is her own baby. So we very rarely take Ben to see her because she gets so upset that we are taking her baby away. While she is spoiling them beyond, it could be worse.

djbleach
10-29-2006, 10:38 PM
Trust me You Do Not Want This Problem.
Nor would I want my MIL to be Ill. She Is Mentally Ill, It's just in a differnet way.
The passive aggressive term, Is the correct term for this type of behavior.
For somebody to intentionally try to "one up" a parent at christmas, is just wrong.
Like it was said before, MIL had her chance. Now let the parents have the enjoyment.
If MIL was buying the gifts as Santa and not getting the reconition, would she still buy the gifts?
Probably not.

Anyway. MIL and Me are a sour subject, so I really need to stop reading this thread, because I take it to personal.

jdm
10-30-2006, 12:26 AM
Wow, I wish you were my daughter! I have the opposite problem. My dd28 with 2 children expects me to buy everything for them at Christmas! She has a long, running list of things they "need" and want. She also has a long list for herself (as recepient).

It is her feeling that because I am the "Mom" and "Grandma" that I should be providing all this stuff. She feels that because I am financially secure that I should be spending it on her and the kids, and gets hurt if I don't live up to this.

My DGD lived with me for 18 months and I've taken her on trips etc. I've always been happy to help out. But! DD is now 28 and I'm starting to feel like the gravy train.

This year, I've decided to give horseback-riding lessons etc. that I know the children want and benefit from. Not "things" that end up in the bottom of the toy box!

Jenn

disykat
10-30-2006, 12:45 AM
I would have a problem if my inlaws or parents did this. I would consider it a big boundries issue. We are lucky IMO. They each give the kids one present apiece, or maybe two - amounting to about $30 - and unlike others here I don't consider that cheap at all. They had their own turn at providing Christmas for their kids and now they are just giving a gift to a loved one. When Grandma insists on topping Santa, or being the main provider of Christmas - there's a big boundry/control issue.

SusanMomOf2
10-30-2006, 01:20 AM
I think she should save the wish-list gifts for "Santa." Or at least ask if there are any you plan on getting yourself for your daughter. She can't just go out and buy every gift there is... I mean, you have a valid point! And the point of giving isn't to receive CREDIT. Most presents for a young child need to be from Santa. So many times I've given a gift to a niece of nephew and labeled it "From: Santa" because my sister's couldn't afford much. It's not aout glorifying MYSELF... just letting kids share the Santa experience I grew up with. It's not that you're ungrateful, but you are down-to-earth. I can't see how great of a lesson it will be to lavish so much on a youngster like that anyway. Save the money for college or let the child save it or teach how to tithe or donate.

Oh well, I see what you're saying, and I wish you the best. Just ask if she can put "From: Santa" on some of them and let them sit under the tree by Christmas morning.

God bless!

macfamily
10-30-2006, 02:37 AM
I can see both sides being a problem. But more than that, I can see that the idea that Christmas (and any other gift holiday) is all about getting getting getting is still going strong. That makes me so sad, I can't even begin to tell you. Each family we have buys/makes one thing for each child (or a "basket" collection of small things, my DD loves that) and the adults all pick a name from a hat and buy for that one person. It's a lot of fun to be able to go out and use your imagination in deciding what that particular person would want, as well as trying to get info from the person themselves without their knowledge. :)

I guess I can't compare myself to the people who have THAT much money to spend; I certainly don't. Luckily, my DD10 is more interested in having her whole family together, and seeing how much people enjoy the gifts that she makes or buys for them. Last year she wrote a poem for my brother (her uncle) and drew a picture along with it, and it made him cry.

I'm very sorry that this type of thing is being used as a passive/agressive or an OCD crutch, it's very much too bad that a holiday that should be about getting together with your family and letting them know how much you love them or think about them has become like this. I would not want to have to dread a Christmas! :guilty:

MrsPete
10-30-2006, 05:09 AM
I never gave approval to MIL to spoil my kids, and I would have found it disrespectful to place that parameter on her. IMO, a 70+ year old parent should not be asking permission to give my kid a cookie, present, etc. I found it easy to explain to the kids that something they do/get at grandma's is not the way it is at home. I don't think my kids will have "no work ethnic and little appreciation for anything" because of it.I disagree somewhat.

Cookies -- yeah, sounds harmless. We spend a great deal of time with our family, and when my first daughter was a toddler, my grandmother seriously undermined our efforts to get her to eat healthy foods. I'd put out oatmeal, and she wouldn't eat it, knowing full well that grandma'd give her two doughnuts as soon as my back was turned. If she didn't feel like eatingthe tuna sandwich I provided for lunch, no problem -- if you just wait a little bit and whine a little, grandma'll break out cookies. Now, if this happened once or twice, it'd be one thing . . . when it happens four or five days a week, the kids are learning some bad patterns. We had to implement rules.

I understand perfectly what the OP is talking about: Santa's gift should be the biggest and the best -- it should shine. Mom and Dad's gift should also be a shining star. Grandma's undermining that and hogging the spotlight.

My mom's always been really good about Christmas gifts. When my kids were toddlers, she'd give them a book and a savings bond -- perfect. Now that they're older, she gives them moderate gifts. My in-laws tend to over-gift (though not to the extent that the OP is describing), and it's literally hard to find places to put everything in the house. I know they love the kids dearly, but hauling stuff home is not always the pleasant experience that Christmas gifting should be. I'm happy to say, however, that this problem has improved as they've grown older and their "toys" have grown smaller.

MrsPete
10-30-2006, 05:11 AM
Like others have mentioned, I wouldn't do Christmas w/ her until AFTER Santa has been to your house.This is an excellent idea. To implement it, I'd suggest that YOU offer to have the family Christmas get-together at YOUR HOUSE -- go ahead and make the plans right away before someone else does -- and plan it for two days after Christmas "because everyone's always so busy before Christmas, won't it be nice to have a nice, relaxed celebration in those after-Christmas days."

MrsPete
10-30-2006, 05:16 AM
But more than that, I can see that the idea that Christmas (and any other gift holiday) is all about getting getting getting is still going strong.I agree with this statement! The spiritual emphasis on Jesus' birth has become totally overshadowed in our society, and it's a fight within our homes for those of us who want to keep the emphasis on Him. It takes a conscious effort to "go against the grain". An over-gifter really adds to the strain.

I think the people who suggested a Disney trip had a good idea, though personally, I'd make it a cruise! Why? Because on a cruise you can't take so much stuff. You'd be forced to limit your gift-giving to small, small items -- stocking stuffers even. And then you'd have so much opportunity to exclaim (at just the right times) how nice it was to focus on the family, how much the children enjoyed those few gifts and really appreciated them, how much more calm the house was without all the wrapping paper and new things needing homes.

disneyjunkie
10-30-2006, 05:45 AM
I never heard of giving both Santa gifts and Parent gifts until I came to the DIS. :confused3

When we were growing up, my parents wrapped everything and placed them under the tree. My gifts would be on side and my sister's on the other. We never had a set of gifts from Santa and a set for our parent's.

When my son believed in Santa, all of the gifts I purchased would say they were from Santa.(even clothes) Now that he no longer believes, my name is on all the gifts.

I don't know anyone who does both Santa and Parent gifts. It's either one or the other.

Mouse House Mama
10-30-2006, 06:10 AM
I wouldn't mind the spoiling - my kids have grandparents that do that! Teh thing that would really make me mad is that she is spoiling Santa for the kids. It is only for a short while that they believe and if Grandma is better than Santa then she is robbing the parents of that. I would be hurt and mad that anyone would want to spoil that for my kids and my dh and I. My parents and inlaws always ask what the kids need or want and I we discuss what Santa wil be bringing. It sounds like she is giving the gifts to satisfy her need to be the center of attention. I had a grandmother like that. She was wonderful in many ways and was very generous, but I think she bought certain things just to outshine every one else. JMHO. Op- I hope you find a solution. princess:

ogreenlee
10-30-2006, 06:30 AM
This is a great idea in theory, but the bigger problem that we are having is that our kids are young right now, and so the things that they are vocalizing that they want are things that they want to ask "SANTA" for. Santa doesn't bring money for college...not much fun there!! I would definitely do that if they were older, but they aren't. The problem that we are having is that "mimi" is wanting to BE SANTA. So, where does that leave the big guy?

We have often told her that it's too much. We don't even let the kids have their stuff all at once, we spread it out over a period of time after Xmas. Not only that, but we have even told her that we will start giving some of the things to less fortunate kids.

The point for us right now is more that she is taking away from "Santa's duties." Because since she's bought everything, there is nothing else left to give. Not only that, but the kids don't NEED any more. It's sad to me that the kids are starting to look forward to going to her house more than waking up to Santa in the morning because they get more things...and that's not right.



Get what you want Santa to bring. That way when they go to Grandma's house, everytime they open a present that Santa already brought, the kids will announce that Santa has already given it to them. Then take her presents back to the store for a store credit (if you don't have a receipt) or an exchange. Hopefully, you'll have some of the receipts that you can exchange for cash back to put into their savings accounts. Good luck! And don't let these folks be so hard on you.

Speakin' of MILs.. it took me quite a long time to get over my MIL sticking my MOTHER at the table with the photographer and videographer at our wedding rehearsal dinner, and NOT at the head table beside them. We were at the downstairs "head table" with all of our friends/younger folks. :sad2:

cruisnfamily
10-30-2006, 06:34 AM
I don't know anyone who does both Santa and Parent gifts. It's either one or the other.I've never heard of this theory. Everybody I know does gifts from both Santa and the parents.

isla bonita
10-30-2006, 06:38 AM
After reading these posts I wish some of the problems where mine and am glad that some are not mine.

One year my MIL forgot one of my sons gifts at home. I think she just forgot to buy for him but I could be wrong. We all have our issues.

Thats why we are lucky to have the Dis boards to vent. Gotta love that.

merryweather's twin
10-30-2006, 06:45 AM
I have not read all the posts so sorry if this is a repete. Have Santa give them a trip to WDW! Lets see her top that! Then you are not stuck with more toys and they get the true meaning of christmas break (spending time with Mom and Dad celebrating Christs birth.)We are doing this with our kids for the same reason(on my side Mom and sisters love christmas gift giving too much). This year I asked them to give 1 thing for each child because they will not be opening them on christmas anyway and we are not bringing anything present wise to fl. Santa will make a visit and the trip is from Mom and Dad. :cool1:

macfamily
10-30-2006, 06:53 AM
One year my MIL forgot one of my sons gifts at home

Oh my GOSH, I did this to by BIL last year, how embarrassing that was!!! I'm always so organized when it comes to this type of thing, so I was completely mortified. I went the very next morning and brought it to him, it was sitting on the couch arm (which was right beside the front door) when we got home. I hope I never do that again! :rolleyes1

mookie
10-30-2006, 07:28 AM
Okay, now let's throw a REAL wrench into the situation! :teeth:

First, thanks so much for all the suggestions and encouragement...I'm glad that I'm not alone in my thinking.

As far as seeing Mimi after Santa comes, this does happen. But only every other year. We have a large family, and it was very hard to have everyone decide when they were going to get together for the holidays. So the solution was Mimi's one year for Xmas eve, and the next year Xmas day, and so on. The alternate days we are at "the in-laws," (my parents). So, on the years that we do Xmas day, it is a bit easier. But like this year, we will get together on Xmas eve......

DH is very supportive in all of this, as is the other kids. (Meaning my BIL and SIL...they don't like it either!) We have all said something to her, but it's in one ear and out the other. I truly think she likes the attention from our complaining. She feeds off of it. She knows it bothers us and sees it as funny. "That's what grandparents are supposed to do...."

And, we've tried the WDW thing. (Trust me, that would be the BEST gift ever, and our DD would go nuts over it!) But Mimi already thinks we are too vacation happy, and has said that she likes to "see" the gifts in use...a trip to her isn't something that she can see the satisfaction from right away. Go Figure!!! Plus, I'd be afraid that she'd want to come with us....

Again, don't get me wrong, I really do like my MIL. But this issue is the one thing that has always been a MAJOR sticking point for me. I knew it would be a problem when I first met DH. The first Xmas I spent with them, we were in college, and for Xmas, he was opening boxes of Mashed Potatoes, Ramen Noodles, etc....all with $100.00 bills wrapped around them!!!! :sad2:

jeepgirl30
10-30-2006, 07:46 AM
I agree its a control issue. The amount of money spent is not the real problem.

My MIL will always pull something so she gives the gifts first. It could be 3 weeks until Christmas but she'll do it to beat everyone else. She buys a TON of stuff but honestly, most of it is junkie. She is divorced so I know the money is tight. I wish she would stop buying so much and do a quality vs quantity. Everytime the kids visit her (we try to stop over every other weekend for a visit) she loads them up with dollar store junk. The stuff ends up broke on the way home. I know for her love/attention is shown through giving so I've never said anything.

She also would do this with holiday outfits. I did have an issue with this. I would buy DD her easter dresses and MIL would buy one too and insist DD wore the one she bought. DH would think nothing of it and take the dres I bought off and put MIL's on. I would take the pics but then dress her back up in my dress for the other pictures!

She does this with food too. If I host a get together she shows up with a complete meal. I'm taking COMPLETE. Now I hear some of you saying "so what?" and how nice for the help. But cooking and entertaining are my passion. So its very offensive to me. And, I have been told DO NOT bring ANYthing to her house for any meals. One Christmas I had food out and she shows up. DH starts bringing my food back into the kitchen to make room for MIL's food. I finally snapped and said it was rude and no way was my food being put away. DH says "well where should I put this?" I said "in the trash". It lead to a huge fight. We did serve her food but I told her I appreciated her bringing food but I had the menu planned and would have appreciated the notice that an entire meal was being brought over. She still goes overboard but its getting better. I now will put whatever is extra into the fridge for the next day. She commented once and I explained we just had way too much and hers was appreciated for the next day so I didn't need to cook.

Now she refuses to let me host any holiday meals. We have to go to her place for every holiday. If we are seeing my parents for a holiday she'll have her meal the weekend before. It'll be all the traditonal foods but she has to be the first.

The thing is, like the gifts its all quanity over the quality. She'll but the cheapest largest ham and over cook it. Everything is in mass amounts but no flavor. Then she packs up the leftovers and sends them home. So by the time I make the meal we are sick of the ham or turkey or whatever.

last year I told her I couldn't possibly take any leftovers because I had already purchased the honey spiral ham and didn't want it to go to waste. She was pissed but she really couldn't say anything.

I do appreciate her but it does get frustrating. She made a comment once that she would host the meals because she was the mother. Thing is, I'm the mother too and she needs to respect that.

I try very hard to include her and respect her but I will not miss out on things important to me just to induldge her.

robinb
10-30-2006, 08:00 AM
I see by your update that you will be at her house for Christmas Eve. I don't see that as a problem because I think the whole idea of giving the same gifts from Santa is just as rude as what your MIL is doing. You're both trying to ONE-UP the other.

I do have a question ... why the heck did your DH give Mimi the whole list anyway? It seems that he would have known what she would do. Since this bugs you so much, it doesn't strike me as something he would just "space out" on and give her the list accidentally. It seems to me that you are really not on the same page re: Mimi and her gifts. I can relate to this too ... as I am the daughter of an over-giver and my DH is the son of people who barely give anything at all. I have the worst of both worlds ... the mom who is on a fixed income and gives too much and the MIL who is wealthy and gives junk she got for free or stuff from the Dollar Store!

Anyway ... all is not lost for Santa. It's still October! It's not like you have already sent the list off to the North Pole. I would tell your DD that Daddy gave her wish list to Mimi and that she gets to make another list for Santa. There is really nothing you can do about Mimi this year. Next year you should make two lists: a Mimi List and a Santa List and make sure your DH only shares one of them!

macfamily
10-30-2006, 08:13 AM
Um, Robin, I don't think she was planning to give gifts to the kids from Santa after MIL gifted the same stuff just to be rude; that's not how it came across to me at all. :confused3

On the other hand, the idea of two separate wish lists is a good thought! I was also kind of surprised to hear that DH would pass off the list knowing what his mom was like; thinking more on it, it kind of sounds like he wasn't really thinking about it when he did it; I completely understand. I hope that your kiddo is of an age where there's always more that is wanted :)

EthansMom
10-30-2006, 08:37 AM
I agree that your MIL has a control issue. Personally, I would try to regain some control.

Our kids have 4 full sets of Grandparents and, some years, the gift giving has gotten to be outrageous. One tactic I've tried are asking the Grandparents to stick to only one toy and then clothes, videos, and/or books, since we already have sooooo many toys. For the distant Grandparents, I recommended just sending money so that the kids can use their Christmas money to get something they really want, but didn't get. My Dad now sends each kid $25, which they love. One year, the kids used this $25 to go to Build a Bear and had a great time.

As stated by another poster, I do also give the different Grandparents different lists of things the kids want. I make sure that the items I recommend are things that the kids want or would love to have, but that they aren't anything that I am purchasing or that I'm recommending to anyone else.

I'd let MIL still spend a large amount (if she's able and wants to), but I'd try to redirect her efforts so that they don't interfere with your gift giving. How old is your DD? Maybe MIL would love to redecorate her bedroom for Christmas (new furniture and bedding)? Or maybe a Girls' Day Out with makeover at the salon, lunch, and tickets to the Nutcracker Ballet? Basically, I would recommend ideas that could still be over-the-top, but wouldn't ruin Santa's gifts.

robinb
10-30-2006, 08:44 AM
Um, Robin, I don't think she was planning to give gifts to the kids from Santa after MIL gifted the same stuff just to be rude; that's not how it came across to me at all. :confused3
I was remarking on other's suggestions that the OP beat Mimi to the punch by giving Santa gifts that were on the list ahead of Mimi, thereby stealing her thunder and teaching her a lesson. I think that suggestion is rude. The OP said that Christmas Eve was at Mimi's house, so thankfully that idea is not even doable. Sorry if it appeared that I was calling the OP rude. I don't think she is :).

kaytieeldr
10-30-2006, 08:56 AM
Well, MIL asked "what is Maddie asking Santa for Xmas this year?" Guess what?!!?! DH told her!!! You guessed it, she then went out and bought everything. This would be nice if she then gave it to us or to "santa." But she keeps it for herself, and says it's all from her!!! I apologize if this has already been suggested but, next year, either tell her the kids' Christmas lists consist of only socks and underwear; or a trip to Walt Disney World ;)

ilovejack02
10-30-2006, 09:03 AM
Wow, I wish you were my daughter! I have the opposite problem. My dd28 with 2 children expects me to buy everything for them at Christmas! She has a long, running list of things they "need" and want. She also has a long list for herself (as recepient).

It is her feeling that because I am the "Mom" and "Grandma" that I should be providing all this stuff. She feels that because I am financially secure that I should be spending it on her and the kids, and gets hurt if I don't live up to this.

My DGD lived with me for 18 months and I've taken her on trips etc. I've always been happy to help out. But! DD is now 28 and I'm starting to feel like the gravy train.

This year, I've decided to give horseback-riding lessons etc. that I know the children want and benefit from. Not "things" that end up in the bottom of the toy box!

Jenn

I think the lessons idea is wonderful!!! I dont know why adult kids act like this. I am a 33 yr old mom and I apperciate when my mom buys things but dont expect it. She was a big help in my early married days.. i was 23 DH26 with a 5 yr old stepson, we were just starting out so money was tight and she would buy my stepson lots of things. We so appreciate all she did for us and once we starting making good money she stopped and thats how it is supposed to be. Parents shouldnt have to provide for their kids and grandkids forever, its not their job!

Schachteles
10-30-2006, 09:14 AM
Hmm I think if this is the only problem you have with your MIL, you should count your blessings! :thumbsup2


I am with you on that...if you think that is a problem...PM me because I can give you some true horror stories with the inlaws...I wish that we had a fraction of that problem...my husbands parents (who are divorced) buy toys for my DH's 13 year old son from his first marriage, but do not acknowledge our daughters for their birthdays or Christmas!!!! Talk about sucking! And they buy DHs son EXPENSIVE toys...so really count your blessings!

ogreenlee
10-30-2006, 09:21 AM
I was remarking on other's suggestions that the OP beat Mimi to the punch by giving Santa gifts that were on the list ahead of Mimi, thereby stealing her thunder and teaching her a lesson. I think that suggestion is rude. The OP said that Christmas Eve was at Mimi's house, so thankfully that idea is not even doable. Sorry if it appeared that I was calling the OP rude. I don't think she is :).


That would be me. :wave:


I have a feeling that the only way OP is going to get her way is to "one-up" her MIL. Seems like she's tried and tried talking to her about it. I definitely wouldn't just sit back and watch my MIL ruin Santa during the small amount of time the kids have Santa to look forward to. You only get a good 4-5 years of Santa before it's all over and they realize that Santa is Mama.

But I do like the idea of lessons. Maybe I'll give my MIL and DM the majority of my toy list and put the money into dance lessons or My Little Gym memberships.

spima3
10-30-2006, 09:34 AM
Ah, MIL's, can't live with them, and can't live with them! :-)

I don't have the problem with the excessive gift giving. However, she did tend to get the stuff the kids really wanted from Santa, and I ended up getting them other stuff that was ok, and they were happy with it, but when the got to grandma's, it was the best. I did not want my kids experiencing that when they were little. It took the magic out of Christmas. So, I always buy my kids the "big" stuff that they really want and let her buy the lesser. I do this with my family as well. It works out great, the kids are thrilled with Xmas morning and then go to GM's where they get some more. As we only buy our kids 5 gifts each, they are thrilled with all their gifts from everybody.
If my DH or the kids tell her about the big stuff, I tell her I already bought it, and then give her another item. It has worked out well.
she always drove me nuts for the holiday/birthday parties, etc as well with bringing food no matter how often I told her not to. She would never bring enough, so I was either short or she would get offended if I had the same thing after she had already told me what she was bringing. I don't need the aggravation and wasn't going to end up divorced because of the disrespect she had for me, (and that is what it is). We had one big blowout at a party at our house and I seriously considered leaving my husband over it. (he always sides with his mom in that he doesn't see anything she does as a big deal and "I" over react.) So, I don't do ANY events at our house anymore.
It is fabulous. We go eat, spend some time, then get to leave and visit other family members I would rather spend the day with anyway. No clean up, no hassles, and if she isn't going to cook, we eat out. Win, win, all around.
Of course, it took 13 years to get this point, I'm a slow learner!
lori

ogreenlee
10-30-2006, 09:45 AM
Either my MIL is on the Disboard, and I didn't know it... or her ears were burning, b/c she just called me.

She called to ask me to send over a Christmas list.

Shirley??? Is that you out there?

DaisyD
10-30-2006, 09:55 AM
I would get my kids what I wanted to get them. I would make sure that the MIL didn't get to see the kids til after they opened your presents. My mom is also a big gift giver but she always gets what I tell her to. If MIL is having a get together before Christmas I simply wouldn't go.

spima3
10-30-2006, 10:11 AM
Either my MIL is on the Disboard, and I didn't know it... or her ears were burning, b/c she just called me.

She called to ask me to send over a Christmas list.

Shirley??? Is that you out there?


Too funny.

lori

rt2dz
10-30-2006, 10:38 AM
I don't know anyone who does both Santa and Parent gifts. It's either one or the other.

I have never heard of this. Santa brings his stuff Christmas Eve when everyone is sleeping and the stuff from the parents is under the tree wrapped (to be guessed at what's inside & help build excitement).

And neither distract from the true meaning of Christmas; you have to decide how you are teaching Christmas to your kids and the what is behind the gifts. Try books like The Legend of The Candy Cane, The Legend of The Christmas Tree, The Legend of The Stocking, The Christmas Story, and The Birth of Jesus intermingled with The Polar Express and The Night Before Christmas. Also try working into your Christmas traditions a "Happy Birthday Jesus" party; our church does one about a week before Christmas at a Christmas tree farm complete with a hotdog & s'mores cookout and birthday cake (with Happy Birthday sung to Jesus). It's really nice, but you could certainly do it at home on a much smaller scale.

And let us not forget, when we usually call a child "a spoiled brat" we are generally referring to their behavior, not their possessions--we frequently don't even know what their possessions are! Entitlement sometimes come from people who have very little and never have had much (my bil for example). Others are very appreciative of what they have and take excellent care of their belongings even when they have a ton. I know, I know, not the OPs issue, but since it had been mentioned.

Zoemakes5
10-30-2006, 11:17 AM
Haven't had a chance to read through all the posts, but here's my two cents.
What you're dealing with isn't trivial. It's manipulation. Whether it's by too much, or not enough, it's manipulation none the less.
First, your DH needs to confront his mom on this one. Lay it on the line not only what the extravagence does to the children, but how it impacts what you and other people get and how it impinges in Santa and the magic of Santa Clause. Set guidelines about the amount of $$ or the amount of gifts. Tell her that the items he discussed with her about being requested of Santa would be coming from Santa, so she might as well take them back. Discuss repercussions.
Then, get what you want, tell others to get what they want, and if MIL buys the same thing, she will have to return them, or the kids will be getting duplicate items from her. Make sure your x-mas time with her is spent AFTER santa comes.
Those who manipulate will continue to do so unless there are repercussions. IF they continue to do so even with repercussions, then the only thing you can change is you. You and DH have to be on the same page. You need to agree what you're telling MIL re: gifts and wants.

gabbysmom04
10-30-2006, 11:28 AM
Gosh I wish my MIL would buy my kids tons of stuff! But that being said I do understand what you are saying. I don't get along with my MIL at all. She is always going behind my back doing things I do not want her to do! One idea I have is to make a registry on some toy site or store and let the kids pick some toys out they might want for christmas. Before you tell anyone about it you and DH go out and pick what you want from santa then let MIL or anyone else know about it That way you get to pick out what you want for your kids. I do this for both of my kids for birthdays and christmas.

Oh yeah, in our home our kids get gifts from santa and from mommy and daddy. whats wrong with that?

gabbysmom04
10-30-2006, 11:33 AM
I'm sympathetic to OP. MIL buys way too much. We have the complete collections of several of the American Girl dolls from Bitty Baby up. Also, MIL thinks that every gift becomes a family heirloom so it should be kept forever. Her house could be considered a fire hazard. She buys gifts and keeps them at her house labeled 'Santa'. It ticks me off because, as another poster said, it is MY turn to be Santa. If she didn't do it right the first time- TOO BAD! :rotfl:

I give stuff to Goodwill at a regular clip and still can't keep the kids's rooms looking neat. I would ebay some things but because the kids know that there will be replacements coming w/the next birthday, holiday, lost tooth, or hangnail they don't really seem interested in taking care of their toys. Nothing is precious if you have everything you want.

Good luck to the OP and prayers for me, please.

Umm, please give your MIL my address I love american girl!!!!!! LOL, by the way what goodwill do you drop it off at?

mookie
10-30-2006, 12:36 PM
Hi All,

Just checking in - this has turned into quite a thread!!!

I love some of these suggestions - the registry is a great idea!!!!

I did try "nipping this in the bud" initially by trying to tell them specific toys to get (my mom and MIL) but through casual conversation one thing would pop up here or there, and that's how she figured things out. DH didn't flat out tell her the whole list, some things just came up in casual conversation. Lesson learned - we must keep our mouth shut because MIL can be VERRRY sneaky!!!

One of the solutions that we came up with for this year since the damage is already done: tell her that Madison is EXPECTING those specific items that she asked for to come from Santa. I don't think we are going to give Mimi the option...we are just going to tell her "Let us know how much they cost, and we'll get them when we see you at Thanksgiving." I'm sure we'll get attitude, but oh well. Then, next year, all of the kids will tell her just how many toys each of their kids can have (I think we'll set the limit at 5....a big step for her!) We'll have to tell her this in AUGUST, since she literally shops year round. If we catch her too late, we might end up back in the same boat.

And I LOVE the horseback riding lessons idea, and the new room thing!!! These are great, especially since DD really wants to ride horses, and we are thinking of redoing her room!! Now if only I can convince her just one last time to do Disney....

We did suggest last year that she just skip the gifts and pay for a big family trip to Disney - and she actually was for it, since she could then go and seem like the hero....but my BIL's wife doesn't really show interest in a trip (!!!) because she doesn't like to fly and doesn't want to drive all that way. Basically it's like if one doesn't go then we all don't go. Party Pooper!!!

So far that's our update. but I am glad I'm not alone in my thinking. My SIL suggested that we all just keep having kids, and eventually she won't be able to keep up!!! :teeth:

mookie
10-30-2006, 12:39 PM
Either my MIL is on the Disboard, and I didn't know it... or her ears were burning, b/c she just called me.

She called to ask me to send over a Christmas list.

Shirley??? Is that you out there?

HA HA!! :lmao:

Hilarious.

I've always worried about something like this. We are the major Disney nuts of our family, so hopefully I have nothing to worry about. But I do dread the day when someone does the math :teacher: and figures out who I am and who I'm talking about!!!

disneymom3
10-30-2006, 01:11 PM
I would get my kids what I wanted to get them. I would make sure that the MIL didn't get to see the kids til after they opened your presents. My mom is also a big gift giver but she always gets what I tell her to. If MIL is having a get together before Christmas I simply wouldn't go.
This is exactly my approach. A couple of years ago, DS would only say he wanted one thing for Christmas. He was three at the time and had just this item in mind. We went to see Santa and he told him that was what he wanted. At that time, we celebrated Christmas on Christmas eve day at the ILs. Not anymore. And this is why. DSs big gift from his gma was this one item. So here I am, Christmas eve and I am screwed. This is the same thing Santa was bringing. And may I say again--it is Christmas EVE!!! Man I was so ticked. She said to me laughingly later (I am sure she saw my face when he opened it) "Well I didn't know what else to get him because he only wanted that one thing." Ummm yeah, how about something off the list I worked on and gave to you since you insisted. You will notice that this ONE item was NOT on it. Ugh. I am still ticked about this. However, from then on, we do not go to any gift opening occassions before Christmas at home. I am not going shopping on Christmas eve again.

disnutt
10-30-2006, 01:11 PM
Umm, please give your MIL my address I love american girl!!!!!! LOL, by the way what goodwill do you drop it off at?

I used to love American Girl, too! There is just no way to contain all the junk that she gets for the girls. We've got 2 Bitty Babies and all their junk. We had the Bitty Twins but they apparently didn't make it in the move to PA :rolleyes:

We've also gotten the yearly doll every year since my eldest realized there were yearly dolls.

I've been fortunate (and I know this doesn't sound like a way for someone to be fortunate) in that we had a family in our church have a home fire and lose everything. I was able to convince the girls that it would be 'nice' to give them some of their toys. Those kids got more than they had before the fire and it still didn't make a dent at our house.

Our own move has been a blessing because apparently a couple of boxes didn't turn up in PA! :woohoo:

mefordis
10-30-2006, 05:07 PM
What about stockings? I'm sure your mil doesn't fill stockings, right? When I was little I thought my stocking was half the fun. You can find some good stuff, even if it is small, to put in the stockings and make that just as special, and from santa.

Beware: I know kids who get everything they want and it really desensitizes them. All of those presents makes the entire occasion less special. There's not much you can do about that other than let grandma give the majority of the gifts, you have santa do the stocking and maybe a couple. Don't think you have to top your MIL and give just as much. Your girl will suffer from the overindulgence.

LoriMistress
10-30-2006, 08:47 PM
I think you and DH need to have a talk with your MIL. Let her know that spending that ammount of money on gifts isn't nessisary and plus, stealing the thunder from you/DH, your parents, and "santa." If she refuses, then state (and back it up) that if it's any more then a certain amount of money then the kids will not get the gifts and she would need to return them UNLESS if MIL runs by the gift first with you and DH.

Grumpy's Gal
11-01-2006, 05:22 PM
I'll trade you mother in laws! Want to? Your's sounds like a dream compared to mine. I think you should count yourself fortunate.

bbangel
11-01-2006, 06:02 PM
Buy what you feel is appropriate for your kids.
Let her buy what she wants.
Return the excess to the store the week after Christmas.
Put the money into savings accounts for the kids.
The three of you then need to have a discussion about why she feels the need to buy affection. Suggest that in future her giving impulses should be directed towards savings for the kids so that they can have a good future as well as a good present. If she continues to overspend on gifts, keep returning them and make the contribution to the savings account yourself.

sahwifeandmommy
11-01-2006, 07:43 PM
We had similar problems. The hard part is that I come from a big family and so by the time everyone gets them one or two things each it looks like toys r us threw up in my living room (granted my living room is small but still). :teeth: My mil likes to buy the really large gift bags and then fill them up-we were finally able to convince her to fill them up with consumable things like diapers, wipes, pull-ups and while I realize those were not exciting for the kids-they were for us. But the things the kids did like that she also puts in there are special snack foods like the character fruit snacks and special cookies and candies because we don't have those in our house on a regular basis. She still gets them other things (read toys) but the boys were/are happy with the snacks as well and since they were so excited by it the first time she has continued. It is a win-win situation all around because she gets them alot but by January most of it is gone because they have eaten it :rotfl:

disykat
11-01-2006, 08:48 PM
I have to sort of crack up at the people who think returning some of the gifts is an option (beyond babyhood anyway). I can't imagine a parent alive who'd want to be in the position of telling their child not to play with the toys Grandma gave him/her because they'd be returning them for cash to put in their college fund. That would really make Christmas memorable!

I really think you've got to make Grandma see reason before the kids see the gifts. Grandma knows she's got you cornered - and she's enjoying it.

roseprincess
11-02-2006, 10:51 AM
:furious: :furious: :furious: :furious: :furious:

Okay, I guess that is being harsh. But I swear it happens every year. DH mom is very generous at Xmas. I mean VERY generous. At least 1,000 on each grandchild. There has been many talk about how hard it is to teach your child values when "Mimi" is always buying gifts at the drop of a hat. When DH and I went on vacation a few weeks ago, DD got over 200.00 worth of stuff while she stayed there!!!! (She was only there 4 days!!) So, you can imagine how Xmas is...

Anyway, back to my point. Every year, my MIL starts shopping early. She swoops up everything that she possibly can for these kids that's in their age group. The tough part is that it leaves my mom and even us without anything to get our kids!! My dd is now starting to finally "get" Santa. She's been really excited about making a list, etc. Well, MIL asked "what is Maddie asking Santa for Xmas this year?" Guess what?!!?! DH told her!!! You guessed it, she then went out and bought everything. This would be nice if she then gave it to us or to "santa." But she keeps it for herself, and says it's all from her!!!

I swear MIL might as well be Santa Claus. Nobody else can even touch her, and the kids get more stuff there then they do from Santa, because Santa has nothing left to give them..."mimi" has swallowed it all up.

Okay, just had to vent...I should be used to this by now, but it still irks me every year. And no matter how many times we say something to her, she never listens. :sad2:
Hi Mookie :wave2:
I didn't have a chance to read everyone's replies. I think someone posted about exchanging MILs? I would love to do that,too, but with my mom :teeth: Mookie, I would consider yourself blessed!! Really!
My side of the family and dh's family is totally the opposite. They don't like to spend money on gifts- period! The kids get a small amt. of toys from both sides of the family, but not much. My mom likes buying a couple of outfits of clothing for the kids for x-mas. Both sides of hte family are pretty frugal,as of gifts, etc. DH and I ARE Santa to our kids, we buy the more expensive toys, ie. Game Cube games, Nintendo DS games, etc. We cannot ask my parents or Dh's side to buy these type of things b/c they don't want to buy that sort of games, they say it's too expensive!! Ok a vent coming......
About almost 3yrs ago, on New Years Day 2004, My mom calls and wants to talk to the kids. She tells both my kids on hte phone(I'm listening on the other phone) that she wants to take them to Disneyworld! My kids all got excited. Well, I get my kids off hte phone and ask my mom, "you are actually treating all 4 of us to WDW"? She said," Oh, only maybe $100 of it, you have to pay the rest on your own"!!! :furious: :furious: I said,"mom, why are you giving the kids and us false hopes if you can't pay for most of it"? She said, " I didn't mean they are going this yr, I meant maybe 10 yrs down the road"!
I said," mom, don't tell the kids now, they think they are going now!"
Anyways, I was so furious with her, b/c she knew we couldn't afford to pay for the trip to WDW at that time on our own. DD was on social security disability benefits, based on DD's disability and income based. Anyways,to make a long story short, I racked my head for days to see what I can do to resolve this situation of false hopes from my mom :sad2: . I did a Google search on Make-A-Wish, b/c I didn't know much about MAW at the time. I referred my DD for MAW, and she did get accepted for a wish!! So, our wish(mostly DD's wish) was to go to WDW!! We went in June 2004.

Anyways, Mookie, consider yourself BLESSED you have a family member that loves to spoil your kids and follows through! :goodvibes :teeth:

roseprincess
11-02-2006, 11:22 AM
Forgot to mention, the story/vent I just posted is a true story. This did happen! Obviously, my mom was so clueless how much a Disney trip costs(airfare, rental car, hotel,hopper passes, restaurants,etc.), as my parents hardly ever take vacations. The MAW trip for dd, ds, I, and dh was the first ever Disney trip for my kids!

Ok, back to regular programming. :)

mookie
11-02-2006, 04:16 PM
Forgot to mention, the story/vent I just posted is a true story. This did happen! Obviously, my mom was so clueless how much a Disney trip costs(airfare, rental car, hotel,hopper passes, restaurants,etc.), as my parents hardly ever take vacations. The MAW trip for dd, ds, I, and dh was the first ever Disney trip for my kids!

Ok, back to regular programming. :)

Hi there Roseprincess!!! :wave:

Sorry I forgot to post an update on Cayden. :blush: It's so good that you keep me on my toes. Otherwise I'd be a really bad update poster!! He is doing great - the reflux is getting a bit better. We moved him last week (finally, at 4 1/2 mos!) out of his swing and into his crib...and so far he is sleeping fine. We met with the cardiologist last month, and it does appear that he has 2 holes in the lower ventricles, but the cardio is confident that they will close on their own. In the meantime though, he is a little labored in his breathing, but they said that should improve as he gets older. We have to see the dr every 2 mos until the hole closes, and if it doesn't by the time he is 2, we'll talk about other options at that time.

On another note, we did get a bit of a surprise, and I don't know if you saw any of my other posts, but we are expecting again. YIKES!! Bit of a surprise and one we weren't prepared for, but after having it sink in we are taking it in stride. The new baby has a due date of June 18th, and Cayden was born June 11th, so they will be just about a year apart.

Back to the topic at hand. I guess from all of these stories, we all have some trouble with the inlaws. I am a bit better now, and DH and I have talked about it, and we are going to try to see her this weekend, and tell her that anything that is on "Santa's" list from Madison that Mimi has already bought, we will pay for and take home with us so Santa can bring it for her. Should be interesting to see how much attitude she throws at us for "taking some of the gifts away," but oh well. DH is definitely on my side now, and hopefully will be able to handle the situation with his mother instead of me, since it is HIS MOTHER.

Should be interesting to see what happens. I'll be sure to keep you all posted!!! Thanks again for all the replies and stories, it helps to see all sides to the story, and it sounds like all of us DISers have one side or the other to vent about!!! :bitelip:

hollyb
11-02-2006, 04:22 PM
Be mad at your DH for spilling the beans not at your MIL.

roseprincess
11-02-2006, 06:27 PM
Hi there Roseprincess!!! :wave:

Sorry I forgot to post an update on Cayden. :blush: It's so good that you keep me on my toes. Otherwise I'd be a really bad update poster!! He is doing great - the reflux is getting a bit better. We moved him last week (finally, at 4 1/2 mos!) out of his swing and into his crib...and so far he is sleeping fine. We met with the cardiologist last month, and it does appear that he has 2 holes in the lower ventricles, but the cardio is confident that they will close on their own. In the meantime though, he is a little labored in his breathing, but they said that should improve as he gets older. We have to see the dr every 2 mos until the hole closes, and if it doesn't by the time he is 2, we'll talk about other options at that time.

On another note, we did get a bit of a surprise, and I don't know if you saw any of my other posts, but we are expecting again. YIKES!! Bit of a surprise and one we weren't prepared for, but after having it sink in we are taking it in stride. The new baby has a due date of June 18th, and Cayden was born June 11th, so they will be just about a year apart.
Thanks for the update on your little one, Cayden. I hope his small holes in his heart close soon! I'm glad he is doing a little better. Keep us posted on him from time to time. :)
Also, congratulations again on your pregnancy! I did respond to your "Irish Twins" thread a few days ago. Hope all goes well with your pregnancy :wizard: You are one busy momma!! :teeth:

Hope all goes well with talking to your MIL over this coming weekend.
Is it ok to ask, where does she get all this money to shower the kids with large amt.of gifts all the time? :confused3 Is your FIL still living? If he is, what does he think of all this? Maybe you can ask your MIL instead of giving toys,money, etc., to give savings bonds for the children's college education? At least you can save up for college with the savings bonds. There is also that U-Promise thing, to save for college. I don't know much about it, but you can always research it ;)
Take care :)