Step
09-24-2006, 09:56 PM
So we're getting closer and closer to our wedding, and MIL keeps calling and coming up with problems but offering no solutions. Tonight she really upset me, asking the same questions I'd already given her answers to and coming up with even more problems for me to solve. (Like who is going to take care of this, have you thought about that, etc etc etc)
So when she calls again 10 minutes later I'm still ranting to my sweetie about the stress his mother is causing. (Ranting to him because I don't want to bring up these issues to her, don't know how she'd react. My father was doing the same thing (bringing up problems with no solutions) and I just told him to stop and he didn't get upset). Turns out she is calling to ask which dessert I want. I've answered this question before. :rolleyes:
So anyway, she calls about this and my sweetie says calmly,
"Look, Step's been upset for the last 10 minutes or so. We're getting close to the wedding and you seem to be coming up with lots of problems. It would be considerate if you could also offer us some potential solutions. We're pretty stressed right now, and the whole bigger wedding thing was kind of your idea."
This is completely true. We were going to have a small 10 person wedding service with dinner at a restaurant. My common law spouse and I have been together for a long time, and we were only tying the knot for a good excuse for a family shindig and our disney vacation to become a disney honeymoon. But MIL suggested this little thing and that little thing, and I went along with it. Eventually it became this larger 30-40 person wedding. Then suddenyl she is telling me it's the brides fmaily who pay, so MY parents have to foot the bill, which they happily do, though they are a little surprised at how large it had gotten. There are some other issues too, which I won't bring into the mix. Suffice to say, I wasn't upset about the wedding being large, I was looking forward to it, just a bit stressed because it was larger than I'd planned.
So after he tells her this, MIL goes postal! She yelled at him for not visiting often enough for the past seven years, said how dare he blame the wedding on her, etc etc etc. He tells her "The reason we are doing the large wedding is because we care deeply about you and your wishes" about 5 times, but there is no calming her down. So I grab the phone and ask her to please calm down and that we really do care for her. She says "Put me back on the phone with my son, and YOU had better calm down!" So I said "Well perhaps we should end this conversation until everyone has calmed down" At which point she tells me I shouldn't expect she'll be coming to my wedding!
So I tpold her that her behavior was indeed upsetting me and I disconnected the line. I know that is what my psychiatrist would have told me to do. You don't keep fighting, you take a breather and calm down.
So after 20 minutes we plug the phone back in and "ring ring" she calls again. At this point my sweetie picks up again and she rants at him for 20-30 minutes I think. He keeps telling her that he loves her and she is still invited to the wedding regardless. Then she tells him "I don't believe that you love me" and starts bringing up all the "crap" she's had to do for the wedding and how we aren't having in her front yard.
Huh? I asked her to sew a shawl and she paid $60 for a couple ties and held the wedding shower and gave us a gift. Her front yard is on a highway, with cars going by all the time! I didn't want to have my wedding next to a road, is that unreasonable?
My mother and father have shelled out hundreds of dollars and plenty of time (not to mentioned they re-landscaped their yard for the event, but didn't yell at me when we ended up holding it somewhere else). They had planned to do it anyway they said in the spring.
So, in the end, she didn't say if she's coming or not. I spoke with my mother and made an appointment with my psychiatrist to talk this out. I need to figure out the best approach. My mother thinks we should still do the ceremony, but maybe scrap the reception and go with dinner at her house instead, or maybe do our orginal plan of dinner at a restaurant.
We are both kind of afraid she'll go Jerry Springer at the wedding now. :(
My uncle works for her, and I doubt she'd fire him over this, but I'd be really put out if she was petty enough to do so. I'm also afraid she might de-invite her side of the family, though my sweetie says she's not that bad.
All I know is I am terribly disappointed in her. I can't believe an adult would react in this way. I have had my fair share of family fights, but nothing like this. :guilty:
Thanks for listening to my issues anyone who bothered to read. I think i just need a pat on the back and some advice right now, lol.
So when she calls again 10 minutes later I'm still ranting to my sweetie about the stress his mother is causing. (Ranting to him because I don't want to bring up these issues to her, don't know how she'd react. My father was doing the same thing (bringing up problems with no solutions) and I just told him to stop and he didn't get upset). Turns out she is calling to ask which dessert I want. I've answered this question before. :rolleyes:
So anyway, she calls about this and my sweetie says calmly,
"Look, Step's been upset for the last 10 minutes or so. We're getting close to the wedding and you seem to be coming up with lots of problems. It would be considerate if you could also offer us some potential solutions. We're pretty stressed right now, and the whole bigger wedding thing was kind of your idea."
This is completely true. We were going to have a small 10 person wedding service with dinner at a restaurant. My common law spouse and I have been together for a long time, and we were only tying the knot for a good excuse for a family shindig and our disney vacation to become a disney honeymoon. But MIL suggested this little thing and that little thing, and I went along with it. Eventually it became this larger 30-40 person wedding. Then suddenyl she is telling me it's the brides fmaily who pay, so MY parents have to foot the bill, which they happily do, though they are a little surprised at how large it had gotten. There are some other issues too, which I won't bring into the mix. Suffice to say, I wasn't upset about the wedding being large, I was looking forward to it, just a bit stressed because it was larger than I'd planned.
So after he tells her this, MIL goes postal! She yelled at him for not visiting often enough for the past seven years, said how dare he blame the wedding on her, etc etc etc. He tells her "The reason we are doing the large wedding is because we care deeply about you and your wishes" about 5 times, but there is no calming her down. So I grab the phone and ask her to please calm down and that we really do care for her. She says "Put me back on the phone with my son, and YOU had better calm down!" So I said "Well perhaps we should end this conversation until everyone has calmed down" At which point she tells me I shouldn't expect she'll be coming to my wedding!
So I tpold her that her behavior was indeed upsetting me and I disconnected the line. I know that is what my psychiatrist would have told me to do. You don't keep fighting, you take a breather and calm down.
So after 20 minutes we plug the phone back in and "ring ring" she calls again. At this point my sweetie picks up again and she rants at him for 20-30 minutes I think. He keeps telling her that he loves her and she is still invited to the wedding regardless. Then she tells him "I don't believe that you love me" and starts bringing up all the "crap" she's had to do for the wedding and how we aren't having in her front yard.
Huh? I asked her to sew a shawl and she paid $60 for a couple ties and held the wedding shower and gave us a gift. Her front yard is on a highway, with cars going by all the time! I didn't want to have my wedding next to a road, is that unreasonable?
My mother and father have shelled out hundreds of dollars and plenty of time (not to mentioned they re-landscaped their yard for the event, but didn't yell at me when we ended up holding it somewhere else). They had planned to do it anyway they said in the spring.
So, in the end, she didn't say if she's coming or not. I spoke with my mother and made an appointment with my psychiatrist to talk this out. I need to figure out the best approach. My mother thinks we should still do the ceremony, but maybe scrap the reception and go with dinner at her house instead, or maybe do our orginal plan of dinner at a restaurant.
We are both kind of afraid she'll go Jerry Springer at the wedding now. :(
My uncle works for her, and I doubt she'd fire him over this, but I'd be really put out if she was petty enough to do so. I'm also afraid she might de-invite her side of the family, though my sweetie says she's not that bad.
All I know is I am terribly disappointed in her. I can't believe an adult would react in this way. I have had my fair share of family fights, but nothing like this. :guilty:
Thanks for listening to my issues anyone who bothered to read. I think i just need a pat on the back and some advice right now, lol.