Groom To Be-Lack of Excitement

[BrideToBe82]

My groom to be doesn't seem to be excited about anything wedding related. I can understand that he wouldn't be excited about the little things like a shade of purple or chair covers but he is just not excited about ANYTHING. He comes from a small family and when he was growing up they never made a big deal about anything so I think he just doesn't know what its like to have a party thrown in your honor. He thinks this wedding is just for me...a wedding is for two people!! I just need another persons perspective on this one because I don't get it and it is starting to make me less and less excited for the "magical" day.

Does anyone have the same prob? What should I do?

[NJOYURLIFE]

No advice, but pixiedust: that your groom starts "getting it".

[SRUAlmn]

My groom to be doesn't seem to be excited about anything wedding related. I can understand that he wouldn't be excited about the little things like a shade of purple or chair covers but he is just not excited about ANYTHING. He comes from a small family and when he was growing up they never made a big deal about anything so I think he just doesn't know what its like to have a party thrown in your honor. He thinks this wedding is just for me...a wedding is for two people!! I just need another persons perspective on this one because I don't get it and it is starting to make me less and less excited for the "magical" day.

Does anyone have the same prob? What should I do?

Thank you for posting this because I thought I was alone! My groom is actually really excited about getting married and being in WDW for it, but he has NO interest in any details and wants me to have my specialest day ever (IE I make all the decisions!) because he wants it to be what I want ;)

His family is the same way. They never really go all out and celebrate anything, and mine is the total opposite. We go nuts about celebrations. It's been hard so I'm here for ya :grouphug: Maybe the two of us should help each other instead :rotfl:

[pixie08]

hmmm I noticed you are just under a year to your wedding. Now this may not be the case but my dh2b didn't really start getting excited until just over a month ago. When contracts staretd coming in and we started planning for our plannings session is when he realized "wow this is for real and it is going to be awesom" Now he is really into it. Thing is he is more excited about certain things. He is really opionated about photo, video, food and music talk to him about flowers or bridesmaids dresses and his eyes glaze over :rotfl: Maybe you can see if there are certain things he is interested in and let him make those decisions. I let Dan choose our photographer and videographer, he is involved in the must play list and the menu. Maybe then he will realize it is about the BOTH of you and he will start getting excited! Lot's of pixie dust that he gets into this pixiedust:

[scrump]

I think some people just aren't "wedding people." I'm not saying that's the case with your DF, but if it is, then you shouldn't take it personally. I could've gotten married in a potato sack at city hall and would've been happy, but I think that was just not big enough for my DH's family. So we went the more traditional route, but it was for his family, it certainly wasn't anything that I absolutely wanted. And it doesn't mean that I wasn't totally into my groom or my marriage, it was just that I didn't need anything else. So as long as you two are still on the same page about the marriage and each other, you've got the important things secured.

That being said, I do think it probably hasn't hit him yet. He'll probably start getting excited as soon as he realizes that the wedding is becoming a reality. My DH started getting really involved as soon as the bills started coming in, I think there are different timelines for everybody.

Oddly, even as a "non wedding person", I have thoughts of a vow renewal someday :cloud9: , which is why I lurk on these boards. Everything will be great!!! Congrats and enjoy the planning!!!

[Summer-Caitlin]

Hi

I noticed that you and I are getting married around the same time :thumbsup2 How cool is that?

As for your problem I think pixie08 may be right. My fiance is the same, he's interested in the financial side but not about details just now, where as I'm a full steam ahead kinda girl :rotfl: I want everything to be planned so I can relax, I just feel I need to research everything :rotfl2:

He swears to me he is interested but I have been talking about our wedding/honeymoon/WDW HOLIDAY :love: for the last 3 weeks or so non stop, thing is I struggle not too. Hopefully when I get back to Uni I may have something other than photography packages to talk about! :blush:

Pixie dust your way.

[Princess Amy]

It is quite funny that you bring up this topic because as you can see in my signature, we have less than a month to go! And honestly dh2b, is not that much more excited than he was a year ago.

What he told me is that women dream of their "fairytale" wedding since they were little girls. And that is so true! He says guys have no dreams whatsoever until the moment arrives when they propose. Then it is sprung up on them all at once. Since I have had my wedding day planned down to a T since I was of like kindergarten age, he says all the decisions are left up to me. If I need any help to just ask him. He has been such a real sweetie about everything, and I might be saying that because I got the "fairytale" wedding I've always wanted. :rotfl:

In other words, don't fret. Just because he isn't involved yet doesn't mean he's not excited or won't help. Hope everyone has great planning and a wonderful wedding!!!

[FoodLover]

I participated in a lot of discussion boards before I got married. This was a REALLY common issue!

My husband is very opinionated (usually in a good way :) ) about lots of things, including decor, food and drink, etc. If you've ever read any of his reviews on my site, you know I'm not kidding!

So I really thought he'd be interested in some aspects of the wedding planning, like menus. (I was always clear that he wouldn't give a hoot about flowers or colors! LOL)

Well, turns out he had just about zero interest in the planning. I had to drag him along to the cake tasting, the food tasting, to look at locations, etc.

His responsibilities were to plan the honeymoon, arrange the transportation and get his own wedding attire lined up. I did pretty much everything else. When I asked him about things during the planning, he usually didn't have an opinion. After getting upset a few times, I accepted it. I always ran major decisions by him, of course, and his response was usually "looks great."

The funny thing is, in the 6+ years since our wedding, he has done nothing but brag about what a great job I did and what a great day it was. Obviously he was very happy with how it all came out.

In short, many men just aren't very interested in the planning of weddings. It doesn't mean they don't want to get married. It doesn't mean they don't appreciate your effort. You just can't take it personally.

Mary
MouseSavers.com

[JJClemson]

Does anyone have the same prob? What should I do?

Hi, I have kind of the same problem. Jeff keeps telling me this is my day and I can make all the decisions. Like yours, my family is very in to celebrating and his thinks we are over doing it :rolleyes: Every time I mention something Disney/ wedding related I can tell it is going into one ear and out the other. He assures me that he is very excited, but says the wedding is for the girl. I think this is just how some guys are...

[jojoandhb]

My fiance and I have been together for over 7 years. He has wanted to get married since almost day 1, but I wanted a career and I needed to finish college first. So, we didn't do any wedding planning until now. I assumed he'd be interested in the details since he's talked about getting married for years. But, he isn't that interested in anything. I was asking his opinion on cake flavors and the restaurant and whether we should do an intimate or custom and he said, "Don't you have a coordinator who can figure this stuff out?" The only things he cares about are what he's wearing, what he's eating, and if he can go fishing with his brother the day before. Men just aren't into the same details as women. I'm sure some men get very involved, but I wouldn't be too upset if your groom just leaves most of it up to you. He wants you to be happy and have the day you want. Plus, he trusts that whatever you put together will be great, and it will. :)

[froglady]

DH had zero interest in the wedding details. He has zero interest in renewal details. He just doesn't have any interest in this sort of thing.

We've been married for almost 30 years, so I think he had 100% interest in being married.

[Fairy_Tale_Bride]

I feel ya! My groom was pretty much the same way, but he was even worse after! He never cared to see the wedding photos...I still don't think he's really done any thing, but glance at them once. I put together photo albums, a scarpbook, articles for the paper, etc. It's all a lot of work, money, and it's time consuming! He couldn't even tell me the location where we got married yesterday. He could tell me "Boardwalk Inn," but never remembered "Sea Breeze Point." I think it's a "man thing." I don't know what the deal is and it's quite annoying when I'm the one doing everything before and after!! The wedding work doesn't end after a wedding is over. My DH just really isn't into anything, which is quite sad in my opinion. All he really cares about or gets excited about is his job and work related. My DH could really care less about Disney and I told him he better get with it! :rotfl: My DH is 26 and will be 27 in January, but he is such an old fart! I told him he better get with it because when the kids come along they are going to want to be around the parent talking about Disney all day and not the one complaining about work...haha! Oh well...what can you do?

[Moonpie]

:love: :love: :love: My fiance has been 100% involved in the wedding planning with me. :) He's been a total sweetheart by helping me make the invitations, getting me anything I need, or want for the wedding. He even did research on wedding shoes for me because I was so upset about my first pair that didn't work out. When I was looking for dresses, he searched around for stores where I could find particular dresses that I was interested in. He allowed me to pick out my own engagement ring, and took me just about everywhere in Northern California to find it. He designed our wedding website, made phone calls for me to our venders, and has gone to every appointment and consultation with me. And most of all, he's put up with my stressed out moments, and has helped to put everything in perspective for me. Thank you John for loving me so much! I couldn't have made it through all of this without your love and support. :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love:

- Tanya

[DisneyHokie]

My fiance is the same way. He got excited about looking at venues (well, as excited as he could be I suppose) and any time I talk about wedding stuff he just says it's up to me, whatever I want. ARGH!!!!!! GET INVOLVED! :rotfl: ok, rant over.

[Button]

I'm with you all here. We've been engaged since Christmas 2004 and the big days in 6 weeks time. I've been planning forever. Phoning vendors, deciding locations, dinner etc. Created invites, gift boxes, welcome packs etc. He knows I've bene doing it and is really supportive but just hasn't mustered up the enthusiam to actually offer to help.

It's only now that it has dawned on him just how much I have done and how little he knows because people at his work are asking him questions he can't answer.

I don't mind really, I'm a control freak anyway and the main thing is that he wants to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me.

(oh Just had a result....Got him involved with the vows pretended I'd have him agreeing to all sorts if he didn't pay attention!)

[PirateKitty]

My fiance is totally ok with us getting married at WDW, however, he never gets excited about it. At least not in the way I wish he would. He has never been to Disney and he's always saying "how can I get excited about a place I've never been to?" :rolleyes: I have shown him pictures, we've watched specials on the Travel channel, we've looked at photos of my past trips and he still is mopey every time I mention Disney. Our trip is planned for April, so I'm hoping after he finally gets to see the magic :wizard: he will understand where I'm coming from. He's always saying he feels like he missed out alot on his childhood, and I told him when I take him to Disney, I'm going to give him the childhood he never had. :) He's a giant kid at heart, so I'm thinking once he finally sees for himself what Disney's all about, he'll be more excited. Like me! :yay:

[soontobewed07]

My DF is the same way and I am okay with it :rolleyes:. I am as he says "obsessed" with the wedding and he would rather come home and watch Lost on TV. I still can't get a final guest list out of him and we have 6 months to go!!! He wanted to get married ,but wanted to elope, I am the one who wanted the big wedding day. So I have enlisted the help of my MOH and MOB and we have been happily planning ever since!:goodvibes He has become more interested the closer we get. I think it is because he can see things coming together;) Don't worry most of us are in the same boat as things get closer he will get more excited!

[JDR2b777]

my fiance is soo excited about getting married in Disney World. He thinks it is the coolest thing however, when it comes to choices.. he replies - the cheapest choice. Well, nothing is cheap so there goes that help. He loves telling his friends and co workers we are getting married in Disney - I beg him to help with choices and he says it is way to far in advance to start thinking. However, we go for our planning session in Sept. and I think it will seem more for real and he will start acting more interested then. Cross fingers.

[PirateKitty]

my fiance is soo excited about getting married in Disney World. He thinks it is the coolest thing however, when it comes to choices.. he replies - the cheapest choice. Well, nothing is cheap so there goes that help. He loves telling his friends and co workers we are getting married in Disney - I beg him to help with choices and he says it is way to far in advance to start thinking. However, we go for our planning session in Sept. and I think it will seem more for real and he will start acting more interested then. Cross fingers.

You're right on that...nothing is cheap. But we compared how much it would cost us to have a wedding at home vs. WDW, and WDW won! :banana: We're both not really into the "big" wedding thing either. A DFTW just makes sense for us. Good luck with your planning session! Let us know how it goes! :teeth:

[BrideToBe82]

I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one with this prob!! I guess I should just enjoy the fact that I can have everything my way :) (I'm also a control freak!) If the wedding was up to him he would have us say I DO over a pizza party...hmm I wonder if the disney chefs could cook my groom a special pizza just for him (I should look into this!). Thanks for the support ladies!

[jojoandhb]

I just wanted to add that I tried to get my fiance involved. I like Maggie Sottero dresses, so I asked him to look at them with me. I told him that he couldn't know which one that I picked, but I wanted his opinion on what he liked. Well, he liked this one:
http://img431.imageshack.us/img431/1989/tnrivierakz2.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
I'm sure it's nice to some people, but to me it looks like something from Dynasty and does not fit my style at all! I realized right then that I am better off planning by myself. Men just don't get the overall theme and look of an event. I'm happy that he's interested in the food, and that he picked a tuxedo that looks nice and doesn't have any weird patterns or colors on it. I couldn't ask for anything else.

[Fairy_Tale_Bride]

You're right on that...nothing is cheap. But we compared how much it would cost us to have a wedding at home vs. WDW, and WDW won! :banana: We're both not really into the "big" wedding thing either. A DFTW just makes sense for us. Good luck with your planning session! Let us know how it goes! :teeth:


Same here! Our WDW wedding was much cheaper than anything we could have thrown together here and had in NC...which made WDW even better! We were having a small wedding either way and that wouldn't work in NC, so it was between Disney and Vegas! My DH wanted to get married on the beach like in Key West...I was like..."Do you know how much that would cost and how much planning we'd have to do!?" We couldn't handle that! I needed something easy, so when he said no to Vegas...it was WDW here we come! :goodvibes Plus, all of my family lives in Florida, so they only had to travel 2 hours.

[Fairy_Tale_Bride]

I just wanted to add that I tried to get my fiance involved. I like Maggie Sottero dresses, so I asked him to look at them with me. I told him that he couldn't know which one that I picked, but I wanted his opinion on what he liked. Well, he liked this one:
http://img431.imageshack.us/img431/1989/tnrivierakz2.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
I'm sure it's nice to some people, but to me it looks like something from Dynasty and does not fit my style at all! I realized right then that I am better off planning by myself. Men just don't get the overall theme and look of an event. I'm happy that he's interested in the food, and that he picked a tuxedo that looks nice and doesn't have any weird patterns or colors on it. I couldn't ask for anything else.

That's exactly how my DH was! He started trying to help, I guess, at the beginning, but everything he said wasn't helpful at all! It really just became annoying and a pain in my side...haha! :rotfl: He was never helpful, even though he was trying to be and it caused more stress for my Mom & I! We had to tell him to just butt out and sit back. He wasn't going with the flow at all! He finally got better better after I told him he was driving me nuts! Haha! He had the problem of caring about stuff he shouldn't care about or putting his 2 cents in, where it doesn't belong! :rotfl: We finally came to a compromise and he was pretty good the 5 months before the wedding. He finally learned to go with the flow! :goodvibes

[LiLIrishChick63]

i don't have the problem(thank god!) but a friend of mine is having the same problem. he doesn't want to help with ANYTHING! just keep reminding him that the wedding is a union that is supposed to be for the TWO of you, not just one of you! and it's not fair to put all the stress on just you.

[SRUAlmn]

I just wanted to add that I tried to get my fiance involved. I like Maggie Sottero dresses, so I asked him to look at them with me. I told him that he couldn't know which one that I picked, but I wanted his opinion on what he liked. Well, he liked this one:
http://img431.imageshack.us/img431/1989/tnrivierakz2.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
I'm sure it's nice to some people, but to me it looks like something from Dynasty and does not fit my style at all! I realized right then that I am better off planning by myself. Men just don't get the overall theme and look of an event. I'm happy that he's interested in the food, and that he picked a tuxedo that looks nice and doesn't have any weird patterns or colors on it. I couldn't ask for anything else.


So I tried that last night. I showed him the Maggie Sottero site (my favorite gowns as well) and he said, 'I'd like something that makes your ****s look really hot!' :rotfl: :rotfl: I guess I shouldn't have asked him when he was watching a football game ;)

[PirateKitty]

Ok, this is too funny. Last night I mentioned to my fiance that his lack of enthusiasm must be common among men, as alot of us girls are complaining about the same thing. He argued with me that he actually is excited. :confused3 I asked him if he wanted to be a little more involved, and his only response was "let me pick the cake". :rotfl2: And thats not the first time he's said that. I guess the way to a man's heart really is through his stomach!?!?! :teeth:

[PirateKitty]

Same here! Our WDW wedding was much cheaper than anything we could have thrown together here and had in NC...which made WDW even better! We were having a small wedding either way and that wouldn't work in NC, so it was between Disney and Vegas! My DH wanted to get married on the beach like in Key West...I was like..."Do you know how much that would cost and how much planning we'd have to do!?" We couldn't handle that! I needed something easy, so when he said no to Vegas...it was WDW here we come! :goodvibes Plus, all of my family lives in Florida, so they only had to travel 2 hours.

Its sounds like your DH and my fiance are one in the same! :rotfl: I brought up Disney or Vegas too. He said Vegas was way too cheesy...so Disney here we come! And I gotta agree with you 100%, I want something easy, and Disney really does make the most sense for our lifestyle. :banana:

[BrideToBe82]

I just wanted to add that I tried to get my fiance involved. I like Maggie Sottero dresses, so I asked him to look at them with me. I told him that he couldn't know which one that I picked, but I wanted his opinion on what he liked. Well, he liked this one:
http://img431.imageshack.us/img431/1989/tnrivierakz2.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
I'm sure it's nice to some people, but to me it looks like something from Dynasty and does not fit my style at all! I realized right then that I am better off planning by myself. Men just don't get the overall theme and look of an event. I'm happy that he's interested in the food, and that he picked a tuxedo that looks nice and doesn't have any weird patterns or colors on it. I couldn't ask for anything else.

Haha ok I'm going to stop complaining about my DF not being excited and start being excited that he's not overly excited haha! Who knows what he would pick if I asked him for his opinion on my dress! :lmao:

[ItGirl753]

I wish mine were a little less excited. He doesn't want to talk about it all the time like I do, but when he gets in a mood then he tells me all his ideas to change my plans!!! and gets mad when I "shoot them down." Like now he has decided he likes Sunset Pointe even though I told him that won't work for our guest list! That is not shooting it down, it's being practical. UGH! I wish he would let me make my plans and only give input on the things I ask! I told him he is in charge of the honeymoon! (We're looking at Australia,
Germany, or Hawaii -- supposed to see a travel agent this week!) And he can help with the food....off topic -- but he still hasn't set a date. He wants to finish his degree and get an Air Force officer job lined up (so he'll know when he has to go away for schooling). If I wait for that, I may not be engaged until the spring! We've been talking about getting married for over a year and Disney for like 8 months. I understand his reason for waiting to set a definite date, but I told him he keeps pushing it off and maybe he doesn't really want it. But I don't really believe that.

[jojoandhb]

Don't feel bad. I wouldn't set a date until I was done with college either. I said, "If we're going to be together forever, what difference does it make if we get married now or 10 years from now?" It's only been in the last month that I've agreed to a date. I'm graduating in March. You just get more money for college if you are single. I think one of the biggest mistakes peopl make is putting too much emphasis on the wedding. It's really just a very nice party. The marriage is way more inportant than the wedding itself.

[DisneyFairy19]

I am so sorry to hear that... I am sure he is stressed over planning.. Give him time.. My DH2B gets overwhelmed with the planning... :surfweb:

[ItGirl753]

Don't feel bad. I wouldn't set a date until I was done with college either. I said, "If we're going to be together forever, what difference does it make if we get married now or 10 years from now?" It's only been in the last month that I've agreed to a date. I'm graduating in March. You just get more money for college if you are single. I think one of the biggest mistakes peopl make is putting too much emphasis on the wedding. It's really just a very nice party. The marriage is way more inportant than the wedding itself.Well he will be finishing in the spring. I have been out of college & graduate school for 10 years. We're not typical college-aged. He went into the military after high school and didn't start college for a long time. I am also 6 years older than him, so I am in more of a hurry....and don't want to have a baby until after we are married. Funny though, he is planning the honeymoon for next August, but won't set the wedding date! We know everything we want at WDW, just not the date. And I think you can all understand that I want to tell people so they can plan for a trip!!! It is a smaller list for WDW, but it still is about 30 families that I have to tell to save their vacation time and money.

[jojoandhb]

We're not really typical college age, either. He's 38, and I am 29.
If your fiance is planning the honeymoon and all of that, you're fine. If he's planning it for August, then I'm assuming the wedding is in August, too. Just tell family and friends that your wedding will be next summer in WDW. You can say that you are considering August. They can start saving for it and looking into prices and hotels and stuff with that information. Give them updates as you get them.

[disneybridetobe]

My DH2B didn't really get "into it" until we started making designs for our Wedding Trip t-shirts. He got really excited when he got to make his Darth Vader Groom shirt... lol. :lmao: Whatever floats his boat.

He's very excited about the whole trip though, but the wedding itself was all me.

[Maggimus]

Haha :rotfl2: This thread makes me laugh.... i have all too much in common with you all. Men are men I guess.

[happylalagirl]

OK - my DF is looking forward to the wedding but he didn't get into it all until the planning session was coming up. Once we were at the planning session, I kept asking what his opinion was on things before I ever said anything. He really got into it and made some choices that I would not have thought of. He certainly never suggested any of them to me prior to that, so don't give up on him yet... guys are different than us. We anticipate this day for so long and we are so excited when it is finally "our turn" to plan. My DF is NOT one of those people who believes it's MY day... he doesnt' like that. He says it's OUR day because we are 2 different people joining our lives forever... he is just as much a part of this as I am... and I agree, but I'm still the one making most of the decisions, keeping track of finances, planning the travel, etc. :confused3 So, yes, it's our day, but when you step back and look at it, there's a reason they call it the Bride's day. The bride is the one who puts her heart and soul into the planning to make it the most perfect day she could have imagined. That's what I'm working on... he'll turn around. You'll see. Just be patient. :sunny:

[feline figaro]

After reading everyones post i m left feeling pretty lucky as my Df is very excited a bout our wedding (even though we ve still got a bit of a wait). We ve pretty much planned the whole day & everything a round it. Hes trying to get involved with ideas as much as possible & has decided he wants us to go out to wdw year before wedding :) . It was actually my df who came up with the whole idea if getting married at Disney & i was at first a little reluctant. Well i ve certainly changed my mind & we re both sooo excited :banana: :banana: :banana: . I think some men don't get involved until the last minute as thats when they see all the months of planning as reality. Don't give up ladies, your men will come round & be as excited as you are

[Koyta]

After reading everyones post i m left feeling pretty lucky as my Df is very excited a bout our wedding (even though we ve still got a bit of a wait). We ve pretty much planned the whole day & everything a round it. Hes trying to get involved with ideas as much as possible & has decided he wants us to go out to wdw year before wedding :) . It was actually my df who came up with the whole idea if getting married at Disney & i was at first a little reluctant. Well i ve certainly changed my mind & we re both sooo excited :banana: :banana: :banana: . I think some men don't get involved until the last minute as thats when they see all the months of planning as reality. Don't give up ladies, your men will come round & be as excited as you are

I must be just as lucky because mine is tremendously excited too. In fact, the only time he wasn't excited was early on in the planning when I suggested we look into Swan and Dolphin weddings to see if we could save some money. He got all sulky any time I mentioned it because he wanted it to be an official Disney wedding. Now that we've settled on the Disney wedding, he couldn't be more excited! He was thrilled when we went to the site visit, he keeps talking about our planning visit next year and he just keeps randomly mentioning how excited he is about the wedding and Disney cruise even though it's just over a year away still.

I also believe your men will all come around and be just as excited too!