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ceecee
07-08-2006, 10:59 AM
I just found out my BIL/SIL and their niece will be joining us at WDW again! 7th year in a row. The problem is they think they are above everything and everyone! SIL told me they normally don't associate with the type of people who stay at the AS! (Which is where I booked the first year...that's US!!) I asked what she meant and she said everyone is dressed in tee shirts, no one dresses for dinner! I made sure we all had matching tees to wear everyday of our trip since then! :rotfl: They complain about everything and my niece who is 7 told DD who is 9 that her dad told her even though she is 2 years younger she is smarter since she is in a gifted program! Even though DD has also tested gifted in the state tests she did not say a word...she told me that hurt her feelings. She tries to share candy with her cousin and she is not allowed to eat candy, they don't like her swimming in public pools (as they have their own). I make all our PS and then they ask my niece what park she wants to go to and it ruins all of our plans. We didn't even get to AK last year because she threw a fit and wanted to go to MK. She only wants to ride Space Mountain and since her parents won't, she knows I will...9 times in one day last time! Once is enough for me. Even DD put her foot down and said no more of this ride. DH's family all live in FL and never visit us (who wants to come to OH?) So they all meet us one weekend (1-2 lost park days!). Is it wrong to want a family vacation with just our family? Even when DH visists during the year, they still meet us at WDW. SIL said last year, it was not educational enough for their DD, so this year they took her to Washington, DC...but they still plan to come to WDW this year. We are only going for 7 days (we still take DD out of school) and they usually come for 4-5 days of it! I am not looking forward to it! HELP!

ntburns22
07-08-2006, 11:03 AM
Is there anyway you could suggest "Family Days" so you can have time alone? I do give you alot of credit I could never go with my SIL/BIL.

minnie1928
07-08-2006, 11:06 AM
I don't have any good advice, but I do have a LOT of sympathy for you. :wizard:

My inlaws drove me nuts and came REALLY close to joining us one year, it was the worst vacation I could think of. Thankfully, they changed their minds :cheer2: !

Good luck! :wave2:

Kae
07-08-2006, 11:07 AM
:grouphug: I would let them know know ahead of time that you have your plans set for this trip & you would love to do a few meals with them & maybe some fireworks & parades. give them your plans & if they choose to follow along so be it. :wizard: Now here is some Pixie dust & i hopes it works but having gone with family before I am crossing my fingers for you. And at the very least you are teaching your DD good manners & how to go with the flow.

Kae

ceecee
07-08-2006, 11:32 AM
We faxed them our itinerary last year for what it was worth. I made 2 PS for 6 for table serve places since they didn't think it was necessary (those were the only ones they could go to with us) then we end up making a time to meet and split up, we waited over an hour last time and they did other things besides eat. We do get to go to MNSSHP without them, because my niece is afraid of fireworks! We told them we were going to AK last year and my niece cried for an hour to go to MK (wasted park time!), so they said we have to go to MK and DH agreed. He is wishy washy with all of it and has yet to say anything, I can see he wants to see his brother (they are very UNidentical twins), maybe I should invite my sister and see how he likes it.

tarheelmjfan
07-08-2006, 12:13 PM
I agree that you should stick to your plans & they can come along if they choose. As long as you give in, they're going to continue to dictate your vacation. If you & your DH decide that you'll no longer allow them to, they'll just have to deal with it. They'll either get over it, or stop coming to WDW to meet you every year.


Do they live close to Orlando? We live in Tampa & that can put all involved in an awkward position. Relatives feel they can't come that close, & not make time to see us. We feel it wouldn't be right for us to refuse. So, we go to meet them & do whatever it is that they had planned. If your inlaws live close to Orlando, they can visit anytime. They shouldn't interfere with your plans. They can join in, if they choose. I'm sure they wouldn't want you to join in on their next vacation & decide you didn't want to do any of the things they originally planned.

I'm usually one of those people who gives into everyone else. However, if this is a yearly occurrence & they always get their way, I think you've given in enough.

Lollipop's Mom
07-08-2006, 12:21 PM
Why did you even tell them you were going? I would have kept it a secret that you were even going until the day before and claim you 'just decided' to go at the last minute and are being spontaneous.
Also, why are you letting a 7 year old rule what YOUR family does? If she doesn't want to go to AK, say 'Ok, we are going to head to AK for the day - have fun over at MK and we will see you this evening'. Simple as that. It sounds like you have some troubles standing up for what your family wants. I think you seem intimidated or something. Don't be afraid to stand up and say "Well I have had enough space mountain for now....off to....". I would also tell them ahead of time that as much as you love spending time with them, you need some quality family time alone because you haven't had much lately due to work, school and other commitments.
Just stand up for your family.

mjbaby
07-08-2006, 12:42 PM
Saying this respect...really...I know that sometimes things can "read" to be flame-ish when they're not at all meant that way...

I don't think your problem is with the in-laws. Your problem is with your husband and internally within yourself. These people run roughshod all over your family because they've learned that they can. Make your ressies and make your plans and then....do them and enjoy. Sure, you'll need to meet them halfway on some stuff, but surely not on everything!!!!! Swim in the pools, wear unmatching t-shirts, heck, *lick* the sidewalk if you want - if they get mad and start avoiding you, well, problem solved. And if sticking to your guns about being treated well alienates your husband then *that* is a problem for a counselor to help with, but it isn't your in-laws' fault, you know?

Lorikr65
07-08-2006, 12:55 PM
We've been to Disney 8 times, 6 of which were with family members. This year we made our reservations and agreed not to tell any other family members. Or if someone asks if we are going this year we will say we aren't sure yet. I just want to spend time with my family and not worry that the others aren't having fun or that they really wanted to go to a different park.

stczt
07-08-2006, 01:01 PM
My opinion is Your husband chose you when you married, Now you are his "high-prioity" family, siblings parents and cousins come 2nd to my kids and dh. My best frind lives in ormond beach, Dh's 2 brothers live in the orlado area. We never stay with them. I will visit them other times. But I dont even tell them we are in florida. They will want to get together and I flat say no, this is the 1 time a year we make special for the 5 of us. We dont answer our cell phones if it's important enough they will leave a message then I decide if its important enough to return.
AS far as a 7 yearold choosing what to do, I would never allow my child to cause problems for so many other people. My kids know now I decide and I'll ask there oipnion, but for now as long as i am paying its my way or the highway.
Sending yoiu a hus as you try to plan :grouphug:

susan4875
07-08-2006, 01:06 PM
Why not try and involve them in the planning? Instead of faxing them 'your' itinerary, make one together. That way, each day you have a plan that you've agreed on and there will be no guilt in sticking to it. If one of their children has a fit, they can deal with it while you stick to the itinerary. If they're late to meeting, you can move on your way, because you've agreed to the time and place.

Also, this might help identify different goals early on. If there's things you would like to do that they do not (or vice versa), you can build "family time" into the plan so that everyone is happy and gets to do what they want.

babiesX2
07-08-2006, 01:16 PM
I'd rather pack my bags for a trip to HELL!

btass
07-08-2006, 01:29 PM
I don't get it ~ you just "found out" that BIL/SIL are coming on your vacation? They just invited themselves?! If they think they are not the type of people to stay at AS, they are completely wrong! People from polite society would never invite themselves on someone else's vacation. Tell them to go jump in there own pool and get all wet!

JoiseyMom
07-08-2006, 02:03 PM
Tell your DH that you have your itinerary set, and if his brother and family want to do something different, they are free to do so, and DH is free to join them, but you and DD are sticking to your plans. Then do it. Wave goodbye to them and you and DD go on your merry way. I am sure DH will join you, if not, you and DD will have some great quality time!!

Also share your ADR's with sil, and tell if she wants to eat at any of those restaurants, she is free to call them and make her own ADR's for that time frame.

Do not go out of your way for them. IF they are supposed to meet up with you and don't, wait 5 - 10 minutes and leave. Tell them if you aren't there when they get there, that you just went ahead without them. You have nothing to lose! Sil may not be happy, but you will be!!

Enjoy your vacation!!

dnoyes
07-08-2006, 02:22 PM
We had to tell my mil/fil that we needed time alone on OUR vacation. It took about two weeks but they got over it. I felt bad about it because they are great people but my wife and I both work full time jobs and just need some time alone with our kids.

ceecee, this is what we did on our last trip with my bil/sil and thier kids. By the second night of the trip we were feeling the "tension" of trying to please everybody in the party, so we just decided to go our own ways and meet up later at a pool or food court. It worked out great because everyone would tell the tales of their day and what they liked and so on. To this day whenever we talk about that trip we always agree that was the best way to handle it.

This sept will be our 5th trip to the world and only the 2nd without family.

DisneyMomJen
07-08-2006, 02:56 PM
.

TnTWalter
07-08-2006, 04:04 PM
You deserve a nice family vacation. I just would tell them afterwards and say it was a last minute trip and you didn't want to impose on them. Yada yada.

Trish

ceecee
07-08-2006, 04:43 PM
DH's sister and brother have both asked when we are going and he said he wasn't sure, since we always go the last week in September (our anniversary) they already fiqured and he confirmed it, so it's too late. So BIL says they will be coming too (oh, joy!). Since they won't do ADRs I guess we will just go with what we have. I don't even feel the magic! Something always happens and it's too stressful. One year I fell on their stroller when I stepped backward and broke SIL's "expensive" sunglasses! I never heard the end of it! Last year DD offered her cousin candy and BIL accused her of stealing it (I helped her pay). She intentionally bought something cheap so she could get two and share! Of course we have to hear about all of their expensive purchases (I have said I really don't care too many times to mention). DD wants to spend time with her cousin, so us going our way and DH going theirs isn't an option. I guess I could do WDW alone, of course then I would be the one with the problem.
We even suggested they meet us halfway (Gatlinburg) one year, so we could have our own vacation, but that is not a place they would want to go.

~Kathie
07-08-2006, 04:49 PM
We travel with family members often and it can get pretty hairy at times, to WDW and we have traveled with them on cruises.

We have a rule that we "don't have to be the Bobbsey twins" (2 sets of twins that had a series of children's adventure books in the 60's). Everyone can do their own thing.

I would make your plans and tell them "this is what "We" are doing. You are welcome to come along.......or if you want to go to the MK we'll catch up with you for dinner of see you tomorrow."

Good luck.

bobcat
07-08-2006, 05:22 PM
I'd rather pack my bags for a trip to HELL!
:lmao:

Leigha
07-08-2006, 07:29 PM
Why wouldn't they want to go on vacation with you - you're their free travel agent and planner! All they have to do is follow you for a great vacation. As someone once said, you can't walked all over unless you let them which is true to a certain extent. Make your plans and ADR with a thought. Fax it to them and say that they're welcome to join you but you'll be going at a fast pace and hitting all the rides and shows at night now that your DD is older! That should shake them loose! Explain that if they choose to meet you, you won't be able to wait more than 10 minutes so you can stay on schedule. Break this to your daughter in a way she'll understand - it YOUR family vacation. Pick and choose opportunities that are best for your family to be sure the other family is included. I'm also going to have to say, if my husband chose to change our plans because of his neice's temper tantrum - I'd go without him! Break it to him, he is going to have to change his ways for your sanity (perhaps he doesn't know exactly how you feel) - you need to know you can count on him! Start by showing him this thread.

sk!mom
07-08-2006, 07:53 PM
Why are you vacationing with these people? :confused3

If you can't flat out tell them no then I would make my plans and stick to them. My sister and her family joined us on one trip. I planned everything and they were welcome to join us or not. They did most of the time and we all had a good time. If we wanted to do different things we simply split up.

mtblujeans
07-08-2006, 08:33 PM
...... Is it wrong to want a family vacation with just our family? Even when DH visists during the year, they still meet us at WDW. SIL said last year, it was not educational enough for their DD, so this year they took her to Washington, DC...but they still plan to come to WDW this year. We are only going for 7 days (we still take DD out of school) and they usually come for 4-5 days of it! I am not looking forward to it! HELP!It's not wrong at all!! I'd say you are LONG overdue for a vacation to WDW without them! I don't understand why they even keep meeting you there.....except that, for them, they are "keeping up with the in-laws"! :rolleyes:

It is time to keep your trips a secret and go with just your family! It will be a wonderful trip, very relaxed, and everyone will get to see and do what they want to do! ;)

ceecee
07-09-2006, 10:46 AM
Thanks for the replies! I guess I need to get a backbone instead of whining! I will talk to DH but don't except much to change, it's his family after all. He only sees them once a year and he is with DD and I all the time.

crisi
07-09-2006, 12:43 PM
Thanks for the replies! I guess I need to get a backbone instead of whining! I will talk to DH but don't except much to change, it's his family after all. He only sees them once a year and he is with DD and I all the time.


How about you consider letting your husband have vacation with them for a few days? - you and your daughter can fit in some Mommy and Me time. If what he wants is to see his family, let him see his family. You don't need to be there for every minute of it - particularly if the cousins don't get along.

FayeW
07-09-2006, 01:03 PM
DD wants to spend time with her cousin, so us going our way and DH going theirs isn't an option.

Why the heck not!!! Sounds like BOTH of these children rule the roost! Explain to your daughter that you will spend SOME time together, but this is a family vacation and you WILL be planning some for just your family to do things! You are spending a heckuva lot more money to go on this vacation than they are ( since they already live in Florida). Make sure that YOUR family gets to do the things that are important to you! So what if your neice doesn't want to do AK? YOU and your daughter do, and you paid a ton of money to be there. Leave her to cry with her parents. Don't let a spoiled brat plan your family's vacation.

And about your BIL accusing your daughter of stealing: that would be the very last time I had anything to do with those people. He tells his daughter that her cousin (your daughter) is not as smart as she is, and outrightly accuses her of being a thief. It is one thing to allow people to disrespect you; it's quite another to allow them to disrespect your child. I'd never speak to them ever again.

majimikate
07-09-2006, 01:09 PM
First off...good luck. That's an awful situation and you have my sympathy. I tend to agree with the posters who advise you to go on your own way with your own family. If you feel that you can't get out of vacationing with them, then at least do your own thing when it differs from what they want to do. The example this child is setting for your daughter is abysmal, and more to the point, don't let your daughter think that she should always be the one to give in to make other people happy. She is getting (at 9) to the age where the opinions of her friends may differ from yours and you want her to be able to stand up for both herself and her own opinion. Learning to do that within her own family should be a good place to start. (I have a 15 year old son and that's where some of my point comes from...trying to make sure that your child doesn't always just "go along with the crowd". We`have been lucky so far, he's a great kid but I think every teenagers parents' worry about that!)

Good luck, I hope you find a way to enjoy your vacation, and keep the peace in your family.

eeyorethegreat
07-09-2006, 01:48 PM
We've been to Disney 8 times, 6 of which were with family members. This year we made our reservations and agreed not to tell any other family members. Or if someone asks if we are going this year we will say we aren't sure yet. I just want to spend time with my family and not worry that the others aren't having fun or that they really wanted to go to a different park.

We are doing the same! Our past two trips have involved a relative or two and let's just say we have much more fun when they aren't around than when they are! I won;t go into details but I have to say I am THRILLED that we won;t be vacationing together again!

EthansMom
07-09-2006, 02:10 PM
I've gone on a trip with relatives that was fun and one that was miserable (different relatives).

My first piece of advice, would be to call the in-laws and say, "I'm sorry, but we were really looking forward to a vacation with just our immediate family. We'd love to meet up with you another time." But, it doesn't sound like you're willing to do that, so my second piece of advice would be to agree with the previous posters: Make your own plans and stick with them. If your niece throws a fit because you're going to AK, so what? Just say, "Well, here's our cell phone number. We can meet up with you later." and GO!

If BIL and SIL don't want to stay at the hotel you're staying at, too bad, stay there anyway and say, "Oh, well, we could arrange to meet at the park later."

If someone says something rude, just say, "Excuse me? That was rather rude!" (As in, "Excuse me, BIL? I just helped DD buy that candy! It's not very nice to accuse her of stealing.")

Go ahead and make your ADRs. Do what you want to do!

Honestly, the only way these people can tag along on your vacation is if YOU give them the information to do so. If you don't tell them where you are staying, when you are going, what park you are going to on each day, then they won't be there!

I give you permission to stick up for yourself and enjoy your vacation!

babynurse1
07-09-2006, 02:10 PM
One time we waited over two hours at the Rainforest for bil/sil to show up :rolleyes1 :bored: We said never again. Now we say we will see you here and wait until then and sorry we are gone. When dh and I both learned to set some limits with family members (much to some peoples dismay), our vacation was LOADS more fun---for everybody! :woohoo: BYthe way bil/sil never showed and when we asked them about it they said "oh we were tired" A phone call would have been nice.

dznyacct
07-09-2006, 02:44 PM
We have been to WDW ~ 20 times and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it :love: (duh, I'm on the DIS boards, aren't I :confused3 ). Anyway, I have the honor of being the resident WDW expert among family and friends. DH's brother and his family (who live in Colorado) came and stayed with us last summer for a week and we had an incredible time. I had never seen his 2 daughters (2 and 4 at the time), and I instantly fell in love :grouphug: with these two little princesses princess: princess: ! The topic of WDW came up during their stay (they have never been before) and we begged them to go with us sometime. After a little more talking we decided to do a trip in June 2007, using our DVC points and getting a 2 BR at OKW. Perfect, right?????? Well, we had Christmas at our house with DH's other brother and his family and MIL and FIL. While I was tidying up I overhear MIL and SIL planning to join us at WDW in June 2007. Uummm, I think I should be involved in this conversation :listen: . They had it all worked out. They (MIL, FIL and DB and his family) would rent a house 5 miles from the park and then we could all meet up. MIL said that we would need to rent a car so we could go to the house for dinner each night. Uuuugggghh, we're at WDW, we're NOT leaving the property :crazy: . MIL/FIL "think" that everyone really needs only two days to see all the parks (no one in this group has ever been to WDW before)!!!! For God's sake, there are still things I haven't done after all my visists :furious: . I called DBIL in Colorado and asked what he thought the vacation should be. Thanks goodness we are on the same page and he really doesn't want to leave WDW property. We'll only have 5 days together and we'll have the hot June summer to deal with. I don't want to be the "bad" daughter-in-law, so DH has agreed to set his mom straight on "the plan". It just makes me mad that this was supposed to be a trip with my family and (Colorado) DBIL and his family. SIL who is horning in on the trip tends to be VERY controlling and gets upset if she doesn't get her way. She isn't going to win this fight! I have two little princesses princess: princess: who I have promised the trip of a lifetime!!

FayeW
07-09-2006, 03:28 PM
We have been to WDW ~ 20 times and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it :love: (duh, I'm on the DIS boards, aren't I :confused3 ). Anyway, I have the honor of being the resident WDW expert among family and friends. DH's brother and his family (who live in Colorado) came and stayed with us last summer for a week and we had an incredible time. I had never seen his 2 daughters (2 and 4 at the time), and I instantly fell in love :grouphug: with these two little princesses princess: princess: ! The topic of WDW came up during their stay (they have never been before) and we begged them to go with us sometime. After a little more talking we decided to do a trip in June 2007, using our DVC points and getting a 2 BR at OKW. Perfect, right?????? Well, we had Christmas at our house with DH's other brother and his family and MIL and FIL. While I was tidying up I overhear MIL and SIL planning to join us at WDW in June 2007. Uummm, I think I should be involved in this conversation :listen: . They had it all worked out. They (MIL, FIL and DB and his family) would rent a house 5 miles from the park and then we could all meet up. MIL said that we would need to rent a car so we could go to the house for dinner each night. Uuuugggghh, we're at WDW, we're NOT leaving the property :crazy: . MIL/FIL "think" that everyone really needs only two days to see all the parks (no one in this group has ever been to WDW before)!!!! For God's sake, there are still things I haven't done after all my visists :furious: . I called DBIL in Colorado and asked what he thought the vacation should be. Thanks goodness we are on the same page and he really doesn't want to leave WDW property. We'll only have 5 days together and we'll have the hot June summer to deal with. I don't want to be the "bad" daughter-in-law, so DH has agreed to set his mom straight on "the plan". It just makes me mad that this was supposed to be a trip with my family and (Colorado) DBIL and his family. SIL who is horning in on the trip tends to be VERY controlling and gets upset if she doesn't get her way. She isn't going to win this fight! I have two little princesses princess: princess: who I have promised the trip of a lifetime!!

I completely understand that you are upset that uninvited guests are joining you, but would it kill you to go have dinner at their rental home one night? It could be worse you know, they might decide to stay at the same resort as you and DBIL family, and spend EVERY WAKING MOMENT together!

dznyacct
07-09-2006, 06:16 PM
One dinner together would be fine, but they DO want us all to stick together and spend only two days at WDW doing the parks , hanging out at their house and going to the beach on the other days. Staying on property so we can immerse ourselves in the Disney magic pixiedust: was the intent of the trip. Colorado DBIL realizes the size of WDW and also that his DD princess: princess: are still nap takers, so even 5 days (less when you factor in travel time) would just skim the surface.

crisi
07-09-2006, 06:47 PM
I completely understand that you are upset that uninvited guests are joining you, but would it kill you to go have dinner at their rental home one night? It could be worse you know, they might decide to stay at the same resort as you and DBIL family, and spend EVERY WAKING MOMENT together!


It probably wouldn't kill her, but she/he has no obligation to go. The vacation has been planned, you have limited time at Disney, and - while some compromises are acceptable - I wouldn't drive five miles off property for a dinner with family that I have regularly at home....waste of valuable time to someone who hasn't done Disney.

Oreo Cookie
07-09-2006, 06:52 PM
Tell your DH that you have your itinerary set, and if his brother and family want to do something different, they are free to do so, and DH is free to join them, but you and DD are sticking to your plans. Then do it. Wave goodbye to them and you and DD go on your merry way. I am sure DH will join you, if not, you and DD will have some great quality time!!

Also share your ADR's with sil, and tell if she wants to eat at any of those restaurants, she is free to call them and make her own ADR's for that time frame.

Do not go out of your way for them. IF they are supposed to meet up with you and don't, wait 5 - 10 minutes and leave. Tell them if you aren't there when they get there, that you just went ahead without them. You have nothing to lose! Sil may not be happy, but you will be!!

Enjoy your vacation!!

I think this is great advice! It is your vacation, so plan and execute it the way that you want to. I say be concerned about you, DD and DH having a good time. If the inlaws want to join in on your plans that's okay, but I wouldn't alter them.