PDA

View Full Version : Did you grow up in a family who shared financial info w/ you?


staceyfe
07-08-2006, 10:30 AM
Lorikr65's thread got me to think why we share personal info, even when it's anonymous. I won't do it, even anonymously, and I think, for me, it's because my parents never discussed their money with me. It was always a taboo topic. And I'm tending to be the same way with my son, mostly because I'm afraid he'll share our financial info w/ friends' parents. I guess I was taught that money is private, and shouldn't be shared with anyone.

Now, I'm not saying I look down upon those that want to share their info. By all means, if you're comfortable with that, then do it. I love to hear specifics, I'm just not comfortable throwing my info out there.

ceecee
07-08-2006, 10:38 AM
My parents always told me "we were blessed". That's what I tell my DD now, I never really thought about it. She did tell our babysitter that we were poor once (she suggested we not talk in front of DD about finances!). When I asked DD why she thought that, she said you always say "we can't afford it", I said that when I didn't want to afford it, so I stopped that :teeth: ! She is now starting to think if you have a big and newer house you are rich (or house poor). She does know our house is paid off because we made a big deal with that last payment! Other than that I don't really think she thinks about it, she is 10.

rsschneck
07-08-2006, 11:48 AM
Lorikr65's thread got me to think why we share personal info, even when it's anonymous. I won't do it, even anonymously, and I think, for me, it's because my parents never discussed their money with me. It was always a taboo topic. And I'm tending to be the same way with my son, mostly because I'm afraid he'll share our financial info w/ friends' parents. I guess I was taught that money is private, and shouldn't be shared with anyone.

Now, I'm not saying I look down upon those that want to share their info. By all means, if you're comfortable with that, then do it. I love to hear specifics, I'm just not comfortable throwing my info out there.

I don't think we share specific numbers with our DD, but she does know we are savers and do not have a problem with CC debt and such. She goes with me when I meet with my financial planner. She knows we are saving for her College. She has decided to start saving for her College too.

I think all life lessons start at home and if you do not teach kids about money they will not know how to handle it later on in life.

My parents still share their money savings with me and where I can find it if something should happen. DH grew up in a different household and has since come over to our side. Talking about money should not be taboo and people should not feel bad about having a nest egg. I always Thank God for Blessing us and try to keep on top of our finances. I think sharing this with your kids is fine as long as they understand we don't share personal family stuff with others.

tinaluis
07-08-2006, 12:59 PM
If someone asks, I have no problem sharing how much I make. I'm proud that DH and I can make ends meet, spend time as a family, take vacations, and save a little here and there on my salary alone. I'm happy to share the information to show that it can be done well on one income (and a rather modest one at that ;) ). I'd like people to walk away from the conversation thinking that it is possible to make it on one salary if they're willing to make a few small sacrifices. (I would have appreciated the information when DH and I were considering whether or not one of us should quit our jobs to be home with our 3 DDs.) For a long time we didn't think we could survive on one income, but we're doing well (and I often kick myself when I think about all the $$$ we wasted when we had two incomes). My mom (SAHM) and dad never shared specific numbers with us, but my mom was always short around payday and sometimes even borrowed $$ from me! They were both not very good with $$$. They'd only opened a bank account just before they died because I'd opened one myself and chided them for not having one. We've involved our DDs in our finances from day 1. Our oldest DD (9) helps to plan the grocery trips and really enjoys a good bargain. She might even be able to rattle off the list of our monthly expenses right down to the penny and that makes me proud.

punkin
07-08-2006, 01:03 PM
I was aware of my mother's finances (I say mother rather than parents because my stepfather had no clue) and my DD13 is very aware of our finances. My DD7 is a little young but I discuss why we can and cannot afford certain things with her.

babiesX2
07-08-2006, 01:13 PM
We don't discuss our finances with anyone. We don't care who it is. The one question that skeeves me out more than any other is "So how much money do you make?" :crazy2: It just isn't polite to talk about your money with others. But, yeah, my parents discussed how much money we "didn't have" with me and my sister all the time. Same for DH. He would freak out if he had to ask his parents for money for school because they would go off on him like it was his fault the school wanted money! :crazy: We don't treat our kids that way. If we don't have enough money for something, that is what we say. We don't go off on them and make them feel guilty for existing. :guilty: If you can't tell, I have issues with my parents and money -- I apologize.

mommiepoppins
07-08-2006, 03:13 PM
my parents never really shared how much money they made. I am more likely to share with my kids the value of money. We do not tell them how much we make

staceyfe
07-08-2006, 05:00 PM
I think all life lessons start at home and if you do not teach kids about money they will not know how to handle it later on in life.


ITA! I must have learned something from my parents' lifestyle because they were never irresponsible with money, and I haven't been either. But, they never actually showed me what they had in the bank. I definitely think it's ok to show your children what you have (or don't have, LOL), but my son is most assuredly the type to blab, even if I tell him not to. It's best for us to live by example and leave it at that. He knows his prices pretty good and he's definitely not the "burning a hole in my wallet" type. I hope he'll be a saver, too.

Doodlebug939
07-08-2006, 05:36 PM
Both of my parents struggled with money. It was not that they were spenders really but just that they both never finished high school and had jobs that were very low income. I never thought that we were poor though. We never had the power shut off or anything like that. By the time high school came around for me then I was handling all of their finances. I wrote the checks and my mom signed them. I knew how hard they worked and how little they made. It was very humbling for me. I knew if I wanted a car and insurance that it was up to me to afford them. College the same way. My parents love me and did the best that they could. I always felt loved and cared for but it pushed me to work harder at school and at work.

Last year, I would tell you that my children had too many toys that they dont play with nor appreciate. Maybe in some way I wanted to make up for what I didnt have. Then Hurricane Katrina came along and changed my life. My children lived away from their home for 5 months and they didnt miss the toys. And living away from home we could afford very few toys. But what they got they appreciated. When we came back here we went through all of their stuff and cleaned house. We donated what we could because we know what it was like to be without.

Now we are saving to buy a house when we transfer from New Orleans. My children know that we dont go shopping because we are saving for a house. When we go out we look a paint colors for their rooms for when we buy. We are saving as a team to reach a family goal.

But as far as numbers they dont know what we make. What they do know is that they get an allowance and if they want something then they must save. They have learned that like us who want to own a home that if they want a lego toy that they have to save up for it. We are much stronger as a family unit now.

DVC Sadie
07-08-2006, 05:52 PM
My parents never shared the dollars and cents of finances to us but did strive/work to teach us the importance of saving for tomorrow. They never once said that "we could not afford it" reasoning but just said, "no".

They also taught us the importance of giving a % to charity.

Now, I wish the schools would teach financial living in school so they don't have to learn about debt the hard way.

sandy6879
07-08-2006, 06:49 PM
My parents also did not share the financial details with me - they owned and still own a business that is a money pit. The only reason I know that is because we were discussing it one day and I found out that my parents are STILL paying PMI on a house they have owned for almost 20 years. They refinance and take out more money to fund the business every chance they can.

This was a wake up call to me and to my fiance. They do not take vacations but spend money very unwisely - I would have gotten rid if that business years ago. However, it has also made me aware of how things can go. It's very easy to just refi the house and take out more money to pay off debt only to stack it back up again and be in a worse scenario than one was to begin with.

On the subject of discussing money, I don't go into detail of how much we make - I find it nonessential anyway seeing as how most goes to taxes and we are left with about the same each month regardless if we get a raise etc. My DD does understand however that we cannot afford every video game, movie, new car etc.....she knows how much is in her college fund. My DF on the other hand has chosen to not know how much money we do or don't have. He does not use the credit cards, his debit card, or the checkbook - he spends only the cash he has in his wallet. He has an idea and all the information is laid out pretty well should he want to or need to know, he just chooses not to which is fine since I'm the finance person anyway....

dodukes
07-08-2006, 07:15 PM
I came from a sinlge parent household and i think for the most part my mom shared with me a lot. I know that i didnt know everything but growing up i had a pretty good idea. I got a lot of what i wanted but i also know she worked very hard to provide for me (even if someof it was unnecesary) i dotn have the best spending habits but i dont have the worst im righ tin the middle altho i alwasy know that when its enough its enough, i am also very cheap..lol...jsut cuz ( i had a really chep frind in high school so it wore off) I think it was good taht i knew some and stuff cuz it paints a good picture and also teaches you about money. I knew how to write a check relaly young as my mom would give me the old ones so i could practice and learn about balancing and writing cehcks and stuff. I think even if you dotn go into detail, your kids should be involved so they grow up learning good money management skills.

lbgraves
07-08-2006, 09:33 PM
I grew up being told that we didn't have enough money. We would go to the grocery store & items were crossed off the list. I was told that if I wanted to go to college I would have to find a way to pay for it. I did. :) My children do not have to live like that but I bargain shop & use coupons. They are told no quite a bit & are learning about cost from a small allowance to buy the things that they decide they really want. They also help me go thru things a couple times a year to donate and help me carry the bags in. I have always told them that they need to appreciate what they have because not everyone is in the same position. It is also not their money to spend as they wish. ;) We do not discuss money with family now because they would be holding their hands out. :(

pearlieq
07-08-2006, 10:06 PM
We were semi-open about money. I never got hard facts & figures, but I remember watching my mom budget from an early age and she gradually shared more information with me as I got older.

I plan to be very open with our kids, and will share numbers with them when they are old enough to be responsible with the information.

To me there is such a difference between talking about money here on the DIS and talking about it in real life. I have no problem talking about it here because it's (relatively) anonymous and because the whole point of being here is to talk about it.

In real life, I generally only discuss money in abstract terms and with close friends. I certainly don't go around opening converstaions with "Oh! Cute earrings! By the way, did you know that my home equity is nearly equal to my savings?" That would just be nothing but awkward at parties...

dvcgirl
07-08-2006, 11:13 PM
We totally discussed finances in my family. I remember being 6 or 7 and my parents sitting us down and showing us their paystubs, and explaining that they didn't get to keep all of the money, and where it went. And I remember them showing us our savings account passbooks and explaining interest and how our money had grown. To this day, we are all very open. I have two siblings, and we openly discuss income, investments, enterpreneurial ideas we're thinking about. It's never been a taboo topic in my life. I think many people find the topic really intimidating, especially now that most of us are totally responsible for our own retirement savings.

graygables
07-08-2006, 11:28 PM
My Dad was an Army officer, so it was public record about how much he made. If you want an early lesson in the haves and have nots, go to school on an Army base! That said, my parents both grew up very poor and we always heard all about it, plus my Dad didn't start out as an officer, so we heard all about those days, too. Sadly, my mom never did learn how to deal with money, so we really didn't have much, but we had lots of "stuff". Take that back, *SHE* has lots of "stuff". My Dad is on his 3rd career and is very successful, but they still don't have any money or savings and he should be retired by now. :(

We don't share details too much w/ our DDs. DH is self employed and when we do get paid, it's big numbers that would make them think we're rich, only, those numbers get stretched reeeeeaaaalllly thin sometimes and there are time we do say, "we can't afford it". I read an article many years ago about how important it was to help kids understand when we can't afford something and that it means there is something we find more important to spend our money on.

arminnie
07-08-2006, 11:59 PM
Lorikr65's thread got me to think why we share personal info, even when it's anonymous. I won't do it, even anonymously, and I think, for me, it's because my parents never discussed their money with me. It was always a taboo topic.
My parents probably shared too much with us. We were truly very, very poor - below the poverty line. I don't think my mother should have told 6 and 7 year olds that the rent was past due. When I was less than 10 I had to add up what went in the grocery basket so she wouldn't go over what cash she had.

I remember constantly being terrified about how we were going to live and being very, very angry with my parents because they wouldn't work. My mother was trying to keep '50s appearances that she had a husband who could provide and my father refused to work for anyone and just did odd jobs - no steady income from any source.

But the big TABOO in our home was trying to keep all of this a big secret. It took years (maybe decades) before I could acknowledge what my childhood had been like. I'd been trained to pretend like it had been okay.

minnie1928
07-09-2006, 05:52 AM
Ok, I just wrote a book reply about this and when I posted it I went to the user sign on screen, my reply was LOST! :furious:

So here's the cliff notes version: My parents didn't discuss finances at all, much less in front of us. However my brother and I were the first line of defense against the bill collectors. We were to answer the phone all the time and tell the bill collectors that are parents weren't home (no caller id back then :rolleyes: ).

After growing up, I made the decision that my future would not be like my parents. DH and I discuss finances and financial decisions in front of the kids and sometimes involve my oldest (7) in on the conversation. While we don't advertise what we make, we do tell my DS about the value of money. For example, he wanted donuts for breakfast one weekend. I found a coupon for buy 3 get 3 free and explained to him that by saving money here and there it allows us to pay for our trips to WDW.

MaMa3Princess
07-09-2006, 07:21 AM
We are determined to break a spend everything, save nothing for the future cylce in both me and DH's family. Both come from single parents and both of our parents will probably work up until retirement and then have to work a part time job. I had the realization the other day when we were at a storytime at the bookstore. My daughter wanted a book and I told her that i had no money, well she tells me to just put it on my credit card. I asked her what credit card? SHe said the one that I buy everything with (debit card) Lets just say on the way home we talked about how daddy makes money and it goes to the bank and that card is not magic and it does not have unlimited money...blah..blah.. blah.

Other then that they do save coins and they take it to the bank and we divided into their savings account.

We are trying hard because no one on both sides of our family has a clue and we do not want our children to only think of the now and not the later.

But hey I am a SAMH and no our savings in not impressive but at least it is their and as time go on we will get better and better.

arminnie
07-09-2006, 08:20 AM
We are trying hard because no one on both sides of our family has a clue and we do not want our children to only think of the now and not the later.

But hey I am a SAMH and no our savings in not impressive but at least it is there and as time go on we will get better and better.
Teaching your children to be fiscally responsible is just as important as saving a lot of money. Some people end up saving for a life time and then letting wastrel children that they raised bleed them dry in their old age.

You deserve credit for what you are accomplishing.

mickeyfan2
07-09-2006, 09:13 AM
One can teach financial lessons without showing the kid your portfolio, paychecks and savings account. I would never say "we cannot afford it" but more like "we don't think it is worth the money", "we don't need it now", "we will get that when the price is lower" or something like that.

Doing the bank of dad will teach them all that they need to know without knowing how much dad/mom make.

azgal81
07-09-2006, 12:25 PM
My parents always told us we were very blessed to have so much money but never went into exact cost details. Then when I got my job out of college she started telling me all the different accounts they had to show me how great it is to save money rather then spend. I did write the checks and stuff growing up for them to pay the bills so I knew how much they had in their checking account but most of their money was in different accounts gaining interest.

jeankeri
07-09-2006, 12:32 PM
I do not tell our sons how much daddy makes (and they have asked), because anything over $20.00 sounds like a fortune to them. I will tell them how much our monthly payments are (for home, food, car, electric, savings) and that daddy makes enough money to pay all these bills. He'll work more if he has to, less if he doesn't. I've welcomed them to join me when I pay bills; they haven't taken me up on the offer yet. BTW- they are 9 & 10.