View Full Version : HELP! I *DON'T* want to be attached at the hip...

06-26-2006, 10:32 AM
... to my in-laws!

DH & I are planning a large gathering (well, mostly me) in August 2007 for our 10th anniversary, and so far mostly DH's family is interested in coming. (My older sister is also interested, younger sister and her BF might come if they can afford it, but my parents aren't interested. :( )

Anyway, I'm doing the planning for this, and at every question I ask (i.e. where do you want to stay, eat, which rides/parks?) I get this answer "wherever you go, that's fine!"

The problem is, DH and I want to stay at the WL, which I'm not sure if everyone can afford, and I know I'll want to eat at places they won't like(although, they might be more willing to try new places if they're on the dining plan), and I certainly don't want to have to make decisions with 9 other people for all of our rides...

It's not that I don't want to see them - I was hoping to spend 1 day with each family group, and/or get together for a meal with a bunch of them once or twice. But this family takes FOREVER to make decisions!

Any suggestions on what to do? (Other than un-inviting them?? ;) )

06-26-2006, 11:43 AM
Make an itinerary with all your ADRs listed on it and a rough schedule of what parks you'll be visiting on which days. If people want to try to do things together, that's fine, but your itinerary will give you meeting points if you do decide to do things individually. The key is having your meeting points planned beforehand so you don't spend 15 minutes trying to decide where/when/if to meet up again.

06-26-2006, 02:55 PM
We are in a very similar situation. IL's are coming with us this Nov/Dec. SIL and her family decided to come too. MIL and I are both obsessive planners. Our main problem is that I went last fall with then DS2.5 (who will be 3.5 this year) so I have a pretty good idea of him temperment there, things he'll do and not do etc.

I made my own plan, with the meals we want and gave it to both parties. I said "Here is what we are doing. You are welcome to join us for what interests you." I was prepared for a big fight and never had one. We are only eating 4 meals in 8 days together and trying to spend at least a couple of hours per day at one of the parks together, but that is it.

Moral of the story: it might not turn out as bad as you think. :thumbsup2

Good luck and happy planning!!!!!!!

06-26-2006, 05:10 PM
That's very encouraging to hear. My husband and I are going Dec. 30 - Jan. 7 with my parents, my MIL, SIL and her boyfriend (for a couple days). At this point I'm trying to plan the itinerary for my husband and I so we can let others know what we are doing, when. My husband doesn't seem to understand why I'm doing this, but it makes a lot more sense to me than trying to figure out everyone's plans each day we are there. I'm glad to hear this has worked for others!

06-26-2006, 06:12 PM
If you plan an intinerary that you are happy with and offer it up for others to join you as they wish, I do not see a problem with building in some alone time too. For evenings or mornings that you and your family simply want to be without the crowd, work an "everyone on their own" block into the schedule. That gives you a definite block that you can schedule as you wish, and you don't have to share your whereabouts... "we're just playing it by ear" should suffice! Meanwhile, you have your ADR's for just you guys!

Pink Princess
06-27-2006, 06:42 AM
I read a similar post on here a while ago & they said that to get round the issue of what everyone wanted to do & keep everyone happy she compiled
a questionaire for everyone to fill out, kids as well. It included questions on budget, food preferances, favourite parks, shows etc. Then when she got these back she was able to put together an itenary that everyone was happy with.

When you're going in a big group it's not necessary to go everywhere together. It's nice to go off & do your own thing then meet up for dinner where you can all chat about your day & swap stories.

Anyway hope you enjoy your holiday.

06-27-2006, 10:19 AM
Pink Princess - I either read the same post, or that was MY post. :) I polled my family about all of their likes & dislikes, but when I mentioned that I was going to start making definite plans (which hotel, which restaurants), my MIL said - "oh, we'll just eat with you for every meal". (Even though they said that they weren't at all adventurous for food on the survey, and I'd like to try new places like Morrocco!) :confused3

What you all have said is great advice, I'll make our plans and let folks know about them - they can join or hang on their own.

Pink Princess
06-27-2006, 10:42 AM
Hi Karen

Sorry, didn't mean to pinch your idea, I just thought it was such a good idea & I'm planning on using the same questionaire idea myself. I'm planning a Disney holiday for 10 people next year for the first time & am quite nervous about it. I usually leave it up to my mum & seen as she is a travel agent she normally does a pretty good job :) But this time I thought I'd give her a break & take it on.

06-27-2006, 12:11 PM
Hey Pink - pinch all you want! That's what these boards are for - and besides, I think I stole the idea from someone else!

06-27-2006, 12:33 PM
I love the survey idea! I wish I'd thought of that in 2004 when we did our first big group trip! We tried to give everyone room to make their own plans, but since most of them had never been to Disney and didn't take the time to read any travel guides or websites that we recommended, this go-with-the-flow plan backfired.

If you try the survey and you still get ambivilance in return, I'd say go ahead and schedule the meals that you want to share with the whole gang. Your travel buddies might be relieved to have the decision made for them, and you will know that you will get to spend some time with everyone during the trip.

Love Tigger
06-28-2006, 05:29 PM
DH & I are hosting his family for a family reunion this August. (We're DVC members and are blowing massive amounts of points for this.) I get to plan it all because DH doesn't have much of a clue & he just follows me around the parks. Anyway, if you have a large group, you may want to think about doing one of the Grand Gathering experiences. Also, if you do want to eat together occassionally, you will probably need to make ADRs, especially if Disney does free dining for August and September next year. What I've (we've) done is to give everyone a preliminary itinerary stating which park(s) we'll be going to in the morning/evening for each day. We'll be taking a break each afternoon. I've also set up any ADRs that DH & I will be at - dinners with the family, breakfasts & lunches everyone's on their own. We're also planning on doing some special activities with each neice and nephew individually and having dinner alone with his parents. While at the parks, we plan on everyone going their own way and have made that clear to his siblings.

Oh and I gave everyone a copy Passporter for Christmas last year so they can't say they didn't know where to find any information about the parks/hotels/rides/restaurants/etc. I've also sent them links/copies of menus for the restaurants I've made ADRs for.

06-28-2006, 11:28 PM
Be prepared if they say, "they will dine with you wherever you want" - they just really might and follow you everywhere!!!!!!! My in-laws did!!!!

Several years ago we took a family trip with both sets of grandparents and my sister to WDW. Before the trip I gave everyone a guidebook and web sites to look at and I also ordered everyone a WDW planning video. I did an informal survey of what activities everyone wanted to do and what type of restaurants everyone was interested in. My parents gave me lists of ideas and my in-laws said, "whatever you want." So I made several TS reservations for the whole group for the week and a tentative plan of parks and highlights for the week. My mom made her own schedule for the week, which included things that she would like to do with us and other things that she and my dad were more interested in. I was very pleased! My in-laws did nothing. I tried to talk about the trip with them and they would only say that they were looking forward to it.

Well we get down there and they were glue!!!! Morning to night. To the point that we were all waiting to watch Illuminations and 3yo DD had had enough and DH and I could tell it was time to go and get her to bed. We were staying at BWV so it was no big deal to walk home. We tell everyone we are calling it a night and we'll see them in the morning. My MIL jumps up and says they are going too. DH and I tell her there is no need and she and FIL should enjoy the show and see how wonderful it is. Oh no, she's going to go to, to help us out. "What?????" I had to bite my tounge from yelling at the top of my lungs to just a mere loud to PLEASE, STAY and WATCH the SHOW!!!!! After several interchanges of this they finally did stay to watch the show. Ugh! BTW, they did enjoy it.

We love traveling in groups and I love my in-laws, but I did not expect they would literally not go anywhere without us!!! So be prepared with some specific your family time spelled out if you think this will be a problem.
Good luck!!1