View Full Version : When to have "the talk" with DD?

04-21-2006, 02:18 PM
I hope you all don't mind me asking this question here!
My MIL has been "out" for awhile now. She has had about 2 serious relationships in the past. Now that she is in another serious relationship and has been with the same woman for about 4 years, now they are looking to move in together. Now MIL is very close to my kids, ages 8 and 3. We also get along great with her girlfriend and she really is a wonderful person. Now, DD(8) wants to know why grandma is moving in with her friend? I have always just told DD that grandma and Ellen are friends and left it at that. She is starting to ask questions now because she knows that grandma spends the weekends at her friends house and now they are moving in together. She is very smart for her age and I know she is wondering what is going on. MIL has advised I read a certain book to her, something about a penguin family? Ever heard of it? Anyway, I think my DD is ready to know about her grandma. She does know that there are all kinds of families, some with 2 mommies. How should I have this conversation with her? How do I word it? Is it the right time?
Thanks for any advice!

04-21-2006, 02:35 PM
As a parent of a child about the same age (DS is 7) I'd say that the right time to talk is whenever it comes up, and that generally kids will only ask questions if they are ready for the answers.

If DS asked me why 2 adults he knew were moving in together I'd probably answer. "They love each other and have decided to become a family".

Kids at 8 are still pretty ego centric so her questions are probably going to be more along the lines of "does that make her my grandma too" and "will we still see grandma a lot" and "will I have to share my grandma".

I'd probably answer with things like "If you want to think of Jane as another Grandma I think that's a great idea, but it's up to you.", and "Jane living there won't change the fact that Grandma's your grandma and she loves you very much. She'll still want to see you a lot, just like she does now" and "Sometimes when you go see Grandma, Jane will be there. That will be nice because you like Jane, but if you want time alone with Grandma you can always ask her. I know she'd be happy to have a special time alone with you at the park or the ice cream parlor".

True North
04-21-2006, 03:23 PM
I agree. The easiest thing to do would be to tell them right away. There is no reason to wait until kids have a full understanding all the issues involved to let them know. If your 3 year old is brought up to know Grandma lives with the woman she loves there will never be a need to have an akward conversation. The easiest way to educate is when questions are asked and a truthful answer is given.

Also, I think the book you are looking for is "And Tango Makes Three". It's the real life story of two penguis in the Central Park Zoo.


04-21-2006, 08:55 PM
This is OT but it was my understanding that links to commercial websites were not allowed. I got blocked for having a link to a book sharing site in my sig recently.

04-22-2006, 10:09 AM
I have always put links up to sites if let's say I'm posting about a stroller I loved and then put the link up where to find it. You can't have them in your signatures because then it's like you are promoting them or trying to sell something.

Thanks for the advice everyone. And yes that is the book MIL was talking about! Thanks for thr link!!!

True North
04-22-2006, 11:43 AM
No problem!

And thank's for the guideline on the rules! I thought I saw links on the budget board so I thought it was okay, but counting on a veteran like you to fill me in is always a good idea. :)