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ReneeQ
04-16-2006, 07:53 PM
This is sort of budget related. I have a dear friend whom I've known for 23 years. She has one daughter, and when I met this friend the daughter was 2. She is now 25. This daughter had her first child 2 years ago, my friend's first grandchild, a girl. I went in with 2 other people and gave a VERY NICE baby shower. It was at a restaurant where we had a private room and were served dessert and coffee. Over 30 ladies attended.

It's now 2 years later, and this daughter is having her second child (another girl) in about 6 weeks. On Friday I received an invitation to a baby shower for this baby!!!! I was shocked. This is a first for me.

I spoke to another friend over the weekend about this. This friend is actually cousins with the other friend. I asked her what was going on and she said, "oh, you know how girls are these days, that seems to be the thing they do now." WHAT? So that makes it okay??? Isn't it our job as the "older generation" to teach them that's NOT the thing to do?

Am I being unreasonable? I actually have already bought a gift for this baby, as I would give a gift whether or not there is a shower, as this is the second grandchild to my dear friend, and I am close to them all. I will just give that gift at the shower. Despite the fact that she is registered at Target!

But I just find the whole second baby SHOWER thing tacky. She should have all the "basics" as she has a girl already that is only 2. The stuff shouldn't be worn out. I have not spoken to the friend herself yet. But I would be embarrased to have MY friends invited to another shower for my child's second baby. I don't have children of my own, but that's how I would feel. Did I miss something? Is this now okay and my feelings are unjustified?

hiwaygal
04-16-2006, 07:56 PM
This is news to me...

maybe I'm part of that "younger" generation...but I thought the baby shower was for gifts for the baby. And I would expect there to be a shower even if the new baby has an older sibling.

But...what do I know! :confused3 ;)

JillandFamily
04-16-2006, 08:01 PM
I would expect a second baby shower if there were a number of years between children (like 5). Both of my sisters we had showers for the first children and then there other 2 we had like a lunch for very close family and friends and was kept very small, so maybe that is what your friend is doing?

indylaw99
04-16-2006, 08:08 PM
I think it depends on the situation. I was new to my company when I had my first daughter. My mother-in-law through a shower in my home town and invited her friends, my moms friends, some family members, and a few of my friends from high school that still lived there.

Two years later when I got pregnant again, I had a lot more friends at work. My colleagues who did not know me when my first daughter was born threw me a surprise shower with only people from work. None of the people who were at my first shower were at my second, so it was not very weird to me. However, I was definitely not expecting it and wasn't going to ask anyone for one.

I also had a friend recently who had a baby when she was just out of high school (a girl). Fast forward 5 years and she had married a new man in a new city and was pregnant again. The husband's family threw a big shower for her with lots of friends and family. I imagine many of them were at her first shower. But it made sense that the husband's family wanted to have a shower for the new baby in their family since it was the husband's first child.

On the flip side, my sister just had her second baby boy in 2 years in the same city with the same friends. I thought it was totally tacky and did not send a gift again. But I still bought him a swing and make him a quilt after he was born.

With so many people moving around the country...non-traditional family structures...etc, I think it is hard to apply the rules of etiquete anymore. Do what feels right. No one should EVER expect a gift for ANYTHING. They should be happy if they get them.

Desnik
04-16-2006, 08:09 PM
Well I had 2 showers!!LOL My kids are 5 years apart and my oldest is a girl and my second is a boy. I needed everything! My sister hosted my first shower and my mom the second. Both were out at a restaurant and mostly family was there. I do not think it is tacky.

I am actually going to my cousins baby shower in 2 weeks for her second baby. But her kids will be 10 years apart!!!

It is rather common in my family and circle of friends to have a shower for every baby!

I am planning on a third and if all goes well there will be 4 years between the second and the third and I will definately have another shower!! :teeth:

pigletof4
04-16-2006, 08:09 PM
Well, I totally agree with you. I had a shower 10 years ago for my first. Last year I decided that we were done after #3 who had just turned 4. I gave away all of the baby stuff and the likes. In November, I found out I was pregnant with #4. DH and I had decided that we would just buy everything thing ourselves. Well, my mother and sister are planning a shower which I did veto, but they said they were having it with or without me. I tried to register for stuff, but am having a hard time doing this because I don't want people to feel that they have to buy me something or even come. Most of the people being invited were at the first shower.

babiesX2
04-16-2006, 08:24 PM
It is the height of rudeness and tackyness. When I am invited to such events (shower for 2nd baby, housewarming for an apartment or a couple moving in together, etc.), I ignore the invitation. Simply put, I ignore it. If it is brought up asking why I didn't come I ignore the question and talk about the weather. If they can't figure out on their own it is tacky then nothing I say is going to make a difference. My girls are spaced 12 years apart. It is not my friend's and family's responsibility to make sure my kids have what they need. That is mine and my dh's responsibility. We had many people wanting to give us a shower for the twins. I politely declined all offers. Some insisted and I politely stated that I would not attend because we didn't feel comfortable with the idea.

To the OP: No, you are not wrong in how you feel. Ignore the registry at Target and give the gift you originally purchased. If you want to attend the shower, then do so to support your friend.

DVC Sadie
04-16-2006, 08:29 PM
I totally agree with the original poster. Being a southerner it just isn't done and is considered tacky.

kilee
04-16-2006, 08:41 PM
For me it really depends on the situation. My aunt recently had a "2nd baby shower". However, at the time her youngest was 15- so she really had nothing left. I also had a friend that had one w/ her second baby. Similar situation though. This was her dh's first baby. Her only other child was 11. So, it's not like she was having one every 2-3 years or something. Those are the only 2 times I've been to a shower that was for baby #2.

taximomfor4
04-16-2006, 08:46 PM
I am on the fence, on this one. I'd say that it really depends. If I am really, really close to the people, I love to celebrate the baby-to-be with them. But if it is a less close relationship, then it sort of feels like a gift-begging thing. That said, I had some sort of baby party/shower with most of my kids (3 out of 4 of them). Some were tiny (like 6 people were there), the first one was the big one with family, friends, coworkers, etc. The second one was dh's first baby --actually, his family's first baby of the generation. The 4th one was just a big cookout for our family/friends (men, women, and children). A small circle of people ( my best friends and some family members) brought gifts though.

I just look at it as celebrating a new baby's coming. In my mind, they each can have a party. But the registering for gifts, inviting EVERYONE, favors and games, etc do seem over the top I guess.

hiwaygal
04-16-2006, 08:47 PM
I love this place!!

Learn something new every day!! :thumbsup2

Feralpeg
04-16-2006, 08:47 PM
I don't think it is tacky at all. I only have one child, but I didn't have a shower for myself. I didn't ask anyone to have a shower for me. My friends gave me a shower because they wanted to. I go to showers and give gifts for each child because each child is just as special as the first. Why shouldn't each child start out with new things. Of course, I would check with the mom to see if there are things she already has and doesn't need again.

It amazes me that people see showers as an obligation. It shouldn't be looked upon that way. If you don't want to give a gift, then don't.

jeanadave
04-16-2006, 08:51 PM
It happens ALOT where I work. I wouldn't really mind if they were years and years apart, but sometimes, the woman's first child is only a few years old and the one they're pregnant with is the same sex. I have basically quit attending showers. We have alot of people where I work and it seemed like every month there was a shower for someone - getting married, having a baby, etc. BUT, I've got the kicker of the showers - they had one for someone who was becoming a GRANDMOTHER!! That's when I said, no more!

Lucky'sMom
04-16-2006, 08:55 PM
I absolutely agree that a second shower only 2 years apart is tacky. I also have recently learned of this new trend, and think it is not appropriate. I would, however, be happy to attend a shower for someone who is having a baby many years after her last, and has obviously not held on to anything. But for women having babies in reasonable time period, I feel one shower is sufficient. (I have 3 kids each 2 years apart, and had one shower before the first.)

pearlieq
04-16-2006, 09:01 PM
I think this is hugely tacky! A baby isn't an excuse to grab for "stuff", and the baby doesn't care if they have new things. Since when are "new" things required for a normal life event?

Every baby should be celebrated, but not with a shower after the first. I'm even iffy on showers on babies spaced far apart. One is the most I'd ever do for anyone.

DianeV
04-16-2006, 09:05 PM
I think its tacky too and didnt do it. My girls are about 2 1/2 years apart and we just "knew" that isnt what you do. My kids even know now that the 2nd one wont have any baby shower pics because she was a "2nd baby"!

Lisa loves Pooh
04-16-2006, 09:06 PM
I had a second baby shower--but b/c a friend wanted to give it and it wasn't a "stuff grab". Just basic diapers and more momento type stuff.


I dont' think 2nd showers are tacky.

I do think 2nd registries are ESPECIALLY if it is for all stuff that can be reused. (Exception is clothing if 2nd child is opposite sex--but aside from onesies--who really registers anyway??)

I can also see it if there is a long time lapsed between children. But even then I woudl be iffy on the registry.

I had a shower for a friend who was having her 5th baby. It was our retreat team group and we all wanted to do something. It was very simple--dinner out at a lovely restaurant--again a supplies stockpiling gift situation (OUR idea---certainly not hers). And her water broke that evening.....:).

You can look at it positively and look at it as a CELEBRATION of a new arrival.

Though--the Target registry. I'm not hip with that.

Lisa loves Pooh
04-16-2006, 09:08 PM
I don't think it is tacky at all. I only have one child, but I didn't have a shower for myself. I didn't ask anyone to have a shower for me.


This is how I thought all baby showers were? :confused3


So my question for all who think it is tacky--what if mom had nothing to do with it? People just wanted to do something nice?

jennifer293
04-16-2006, 09:08 PM
I had 3 showers with my first child due to large family, large workplace, and a church. I had a girl the first time. 4 years later I got pregnant again with another girl. My mom I guess being a "southerner" felt no need to throw me a shower, but there were still things that were needed. I was talking to a friend of mine and she asked if anyone in my family was gonna throw me a shower and I said no. So within 2 weeks of that conversation she had taken my address book from DH and everyone in that address book had invitations to a baby shower at her house. She made it a diaper, wipes, and bathing shower since I had all the other things needed. My daughter had her 2nd birthday party today (April 16th) and I have yet to buy lotion, shampoo, baby powder etc. I bet I have enough to get her through this coming Christmas or so. I did not buy the first diaper for her until she was over a year old. So NO I do not think it is "TACKY" to have a shower for the second child because even though they do not need clothing or the big items they still need the little stuff that really adds up over time.. :teeth:

MyGoofy26
04-16-2006, 09:12 PM
I have nothing of value to add, LOL, but I had never heard the "no multiple showers" rule. I guess I never paid any attention. . . I have no kids, my friends haven't started families yet and in my immediate family I was the only grandchild for 23 years, LOL! Not many babies born at work either, so I just haven't been to many showers over the years.

LOL, so I guess I didn't know it was tacky. . . but good to know the etiquette when I do start my family!

Brooknwdw
04-16-2006, 09:13 PM
I don't think it is tacky at all. I only have one child, but I didn't have a shower for myself. I didn't ask anyone to have a shower for me. My friends gave me a shower because they wanted to. I go to showers and give gifts for each child because each child is just as special as the first. Why shouldn't each child start out with new things. Of course, I would check with the mom to see if there are things she already has and doesn't need again.

It amazes me that people see showers as an obligation. It shouldn't be looked upon that way. If you don't want to give a gift, then don't.


I totally agree with this post! I had two showers & my kids are 22 months apart. Did I throw the showers for myself? ...NO my loved ones did. So who is being rude & tacky, the ones hosting the shower? How is that tacky? :confused3

Now I can see if the mother to be is throwing HERSELF a shower, that is tacky IMO.

I will say that we have a huge family, so most of those invited are close relatives & good friends.
And as a side note, the way it is done in my large family (& I'm a southerner, too) is a large nice shower is given for the first baby. Then a smaller one given for second babies, though they are as much a joy & anticipated as the first born.

If you are giving a gift anyway, why is the shower itself tacky to you? In our family, the showers are so much fun & a chance for us all to get together.

disneychrista
04-16-2006, 09:16 PM
Until recentely, from other threads on the DIS, I didn't realize that this was considered a bad thing. I always figured that if someone wanted to give/host a shower it didn't matter what # baby it was.

If you think it is tacky or whatever, then don't go. An invitation does not mean that you are obligated to go.

Vickie46
04-16-2006, 09:17 PM
I am in my 30's and a ton of my friends have 2nd and even a couple has a 3rd baby showers.. actually 3 or 4 friends have.. I say.. lets celebrate.. I would be giving them a gift anyways!

KatRob
04-16-2006, 09:26 PM
[QUOTE=Lisa loves Pooh

I had a shower for a friend who was having her 5th baby. It was our retreat team group and we all wanted to do something. It was very simple--dinner out at a lovely restaurant--again a supplies stockpiling gift situation (OUR idea---certainly not hers). And her water broke that evening.....:).

You can look at it positively and look at it as a CELEBRATION of a new arrival.

[/QUOTE]

As I was reading this I thought of the cousin of one of my friends. She was about to have her 5th baby and no one was acknowledging this new baby. Her husband is a preacher and even their church acted like it wasn't happening! I got her some nice outfits because I wanted that baby to have something that hadn't been through three other girls. I had a lot of hand-me-downs as a child and just wanted this baby to have something that was "hers".

mickeyloverx2
04-16-2006, 09:29 PM
I had 2 showers! The first was given by my bestfriend and was wonderful I got everything I needed! then I sold most at yardsales or gave away things I did not need then 4 years later I was pregnant with not much of anything! so my new mother in law gave me a shower some new people but mostly family it was small and I did not recieve much I guess I did not realize it was rude having another. but thats ok I got all she needed I got to pick what I wanted her to have this time! plus this time I can afford more**

MinnieNurse
04-16-2006, 09:32 PM
I don't think it is tacky at all. I only have one child, but I didn't have a shower for myself. I didn't ask anyone to have a shower for me. My friends gave me a shower because they wanted to. I go to showers and give gifts for each child because each child is just as special as the first. Why shouldn't each child start out with new things. Of course, I would check with the mom to see if there are things she already has and doesn't need again.

It amazes me that people see showers as an obligation. It shouldn't be looked upon that way. If you don't want to give a gift, then don't.


I agree I only have one child but at my work we give showers to girls with their 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and even 4th babies. Each child is new and special and deserve new things to. My son is now 7 and if I were to have another one I have absolutely nothing so I would have to purchase everything myself.

I do not think anyone is obligated to attend the shower, however, those who wish to can.

Becky2005
04-16-2006, 09:32 PM
You know, I guess it just depends on the family! :rotfl2:

I had absolutely no idea you were only supposed to have a shower for your first baby because in my family, we tend to have showers for any & all babies. I never gave it a 2nd thought growing up.

I only knew about it after my best friend told me about it when she was having one for her 2nd baby due to it being with her 2nd husband. Who knew...we always used it as a way to celebrate the upcoming birth of the new baby didn't really matter which number it was.

I will say I didn't have a shower for my 3rd or 4th babies but we also had extenuating family circumstances going on at the same time. I did have one for my first and one for my 2nd.

4greatboys
04-16-2006, 09:34 PM
I dont think its tacky at all. Each child deserves a celebration and gifts all their own.

pearlieq
04-16-2006, 09:43 PM
I dont think its tacky at all. Each child deserves a celebration and gifts all their own.

The sentiment is nice, but the baby doesn't have anything to do with it. For the first several months all a baby "needs" is food, a clean diaper, and somewhere safe to sleep. The baby doesn't care about the froofy wrapping paper, the cute outfits, or the Eddie Bauer limited edition baby food organizer. :rolleyes:

I'm not picking on you personally, but to be cynical about it, showers are about the mom getting presents. If that weren't the case, and it was really about just getting together and sharing good wishes, a nice lunch or picnic would suffice instead of a "shower".

Tinky
04-16-2006, 09:43 PM
Until recentely, from other threads on the DIS, I didn't realize that this was considered a bad thing. I always figured that if someone wanted to give/host a shower it didn't matter what # baby it was.

If you think it is tacky or whatever, then don't go. An invitation does not mean that you are obligated to go.

Its not a "bad thing" disneychrista. And I agree wholeheartedly, an invitation does not obligate you to go if you are in the "thats tacky" camp, simply don't go. ;)

Frankly, I'm a little surprised to see some of the attitudes and blanket statements regarding the tackiness level on this board especially.

I guess maybe next we will move to white shoes after Labor day? :rolleyes1

TexasCourt
04-16-2006, 09:46 PM
...

Brutie
04-16-2006, 09:52 PM
I'm a Southern gal, and have never heard that it was bad manners to have showers for any babies after the 1st one. Though thinking back I cant remember ever going to showers for 2nd and so on babies, though I never knew that Emily Post frowned upon it...

I have learned something new for the day...I can rest and relax the rest of the night away now... :rotfl2:

azgal81
04-16-2006, 09:55 PM
I thought baby showers were for everytime you had a baby. I didn't realize it mattered what number it was. I'll have to remember that.

roliepolieoliefan
04-16-2006, 09:56 PM
I do not see the big deal here at all. I thought the whole point of a baby shower was to celebrate the birth of a newbaby. I just don't see how it is tacky to have a baby shower for a new baby?

To have a small celebration for a 2nd or 3rd child is not a big deal to me. Buy the mother necessities such as diapers, wipes things like that. Cute little outfits. For a mother to register and have a huge baby shower for her 2nd or 3rd child , especially when the siblings will only be a couple years apart is very tacky. What happened to the items from the other child?

Sorry I have a big problem with this. Its like 2nd weddings. If you want to ger married again fine. But don't have a big huge wedding AGAIN and expect another gift when I gave you one just 2 years prior for your first wedding.

Small family get togethers the 2nd time around! JMOP!

chipscinderelly
04-16-2006, 10:04 PM
I told myself I wouldn't respond to this thread but couldn't get it out of my mind. So many times we forget that life is not black or white but full of shades of grey.

While I see where the "no second shower" view comes from I also see the other viewpoint as well. I believe that in all situations one should look at the circumstances surrounding the "event" and take that into account before rushing to judge. Wouldn't this be a marvelous world to live in if we could all listen first and relax a little?

For instance - I'm getting married this fall at Disney. It's my second marriage and my fiances first. We decided to register for china and crystal a while back and have done so. Yes, I already hear the gasping from the crowd and I hope that before you make a judgement you think about walking a mile in our shoes. My first husband died 4 months and 7 days after we were married in an accident. I'm not having a shower, however, the one item that I really want this time around is china as it was the item I had to return after his death or I was going to hurl it on the drive. Yes, somehow now many people think it's fine for us to register - my question is why does that matter? We didn't register because Emily Post said we should or could, as we don't expect or want gifts for the wedding. Maybe in 10 years of Christmas's we'll have our china - a girl can dream!

Those same girls can also have more than one shower! Perhaps those persons who have baby showers for more than their first babies have other situations in their lives that need to be considered. If you want to host a baby shower or attend a baby shower for a baby that's not the oldest that's fine and dandy - go, have a good time, and show your love. Maybe it will rub off on others.

Oh and while we are talking manners - don't forget to RSVP to every party invitation and wedding invitation by the due date! :thumbsup2

rhiannonwales
04-16-2006, 10:10 PM
My kids even know now that the 2nd one wont have any baby shower pics because she was a "2nd baby"!

I think that is possibly the saddest statement in this thread... What a way to make a child feel less important!

I have 2 kids spaced 5 years apart boy and girl.For my first i did have a shower thrown by DH's family.For my second i did not.I cant tell you how many things i needed this time around!Not only because it was a different gender, but because my son had GERD and threw up non stop and ruined almost every item we had for a baby!

Not everyone is having a shower for a gift grab.I know i never recieved ( or requested) any expensive frou frou items - and in this day and age, unless you are spending $$$$ for things like cribs strollers, highchairs and the like they just dont last.Not to mention that what is ok at a point in time is often considered dangerous and unsafe by the time you have a second child.

Fact is, if your uncomfortable with it just dont go.To paint a picture that these women are greedy and impolite is just plain wrong.

Frankly whats more rude? a woman who "breaks the rules" and has another shower or the person who makes a huge deal about it and moans and complains about something that really isnt that big a deal?

FWIW, not everyones idea of good manners is the same.Miss Manners is not standard reading anymore, and people do wear white after Labor Day!
Sherrie

zookeeper
04-16-2006, 10:19 PM
I don't care one way or the other about multiple baby showers, but I think it's funny that the reasoning is that the new baby deserves his/her own new things. I'm pretty sure the baby won't care if the sleeper they're wearing was once worn by their older cousin Billy. Wearing hand-me-downs doesn't make a baby less special or important...it's just practical. I say, save the gifts of new clothes for when that baby grows up to be a teenager and is really concerned about what he/she is wearing out in public! :rotfl2:

Feralpeg
04-16-2006, 10:27 PM
Sorry I have a big problem with this. Its like 2nd weddings. If you want to ger married again fine. But don't have a big huge wedding AGAIN and expect another gift when I gave you one just 2 years prior for your first wedding.

Small family get togethers the 2nd time around! JMOP!

Wow. I thought gifts were given because it makes the giver happy to do something for another person. I never give a gift because it is expected. I give when I want to give because it makes me happy to do something nice for someone else. How sad to think that gifts are given because a person feels it is expected. I'd rather never receive another gift in my life if it is given because the giver feels they must rather than because they want to.

Nik's Mom
04-16-2006, 10:32 PM
I had a shower for my first baby, but not for my 2nd. But, I've been invited to 2nd and even 3rd baby showers for friends/relatives. I didn't have a problem buying a gift or attending.

84disney
04-16-2006, 10:34 PM
I think every baby is a blessing :angel: and those who feel the same way and want to shower a new mom or baby are being kind and loving. People never need feel obligated to attend or send a gift just because someone thought of them and thought they may feel the same love. I always want to send a gift and or fix something, and a shower is even more fun...a chance to visit and celebrate :goodvibes . A good many of my friends have several children and we enjoyed celebrating every child, and I would hate to think anyone ever felt the way some on these boards feel, and came or sent something with such hard feelings...but I doubt that happened because we were all close and such. No one registered, we just got together, ate, gave sweet little outfits, diapers or something fun like that. Gosh, I just do not understand why it matters so much...just do not send anything with such strong feelings involved.

I had always heard that family members were not to throw any type shower, unless of course it is just a family gathering celebration thing. BUT I would never even care if that's what was done. I would come or send a gift and wish whoever the best :goodvibes !

It just seems like a waste of time to be worried about such a happy time for someone else. If you are that worried about it, just do not give a gift.

TreslovesWDW
04-16-2006, 10:43 PM
I would like to say that in most cases the mother is not giving the shower so how can she be held responsible.If family and friends want to throw her a shower then go ahead.I had 3 showers for my first daughter my side ,husbands side , and at work,when I had the baby everyone bought another gift when they came to see the baby.Two years later had 2nd daughter and my mother in law bought me alot of things diapers, wipes,formula,clothes,and again everyone gave a gift when the came to visit.next year got pregnant and found out I was having a boy,my family gave me a shower and mostly got boys clothes and double stroller that would now be needed ,again everyone who visited me after I had the baby gave a gift. I never asked for all of this stuff ,I guess I just have a family that loves to celebrate each baby,and I did grow up thinking you only have a shower for your first baby.But I do think to register for another shower only 2 years later is a little crazy,she should not need any big items anyway,unless something happened to all her things and maybe her family knows that and is giving a shower to help her out.Sometimes maybe it's just a reason to get together and enjoy each others company ,parties bring family and friends together so think of that and not just the reason for the party. :love:

Mandy_in_NC
04-16-2006, 10:47 PM
I am a proud Southern Woman. Born and bred in NC. I have 2 girls. They are almost 2 years apart. I was given baby showers with both of my kids. I even had the baby shower with the 2nd child after she was born( she was a little inpatient She was born 18 days early). I did not ask anybody to throw me any showers. I was only told when and were it was going to be and I had better be there. All of my showers were small with just family and close friends. My best friend has a daughter who is 8 months older than my first daughter so I got a lot of hand me downs with her. Also I had started giving my baby clothes away and then I found out I was pregnant again. I have always thought that every baby got a shower. My best friend has 3 kids and I gave her a shower with all 3. I even gave her a baby shower when she had her 1st child and we were still in high school. I have never thought anything about somebody have more than 1 baby shower.

calie_j
04-16-2006, 10:48 PM
I don't know if it's tacky or not but I've heard the rule of baby shower for the 1st baby only and I've been invited to showers for baby #5 & 6 which I did attend and brought a gift (I also didn't know these friends when they had their other babies). I do know that a friend of mine who just had baby #2 will not be getting a gift from me if she has a shower because I already bought her a gift and gave it to her when the baby was born so I wouldn't buy another (and she doesn't expect it and has told me that).

I never had a shower for any of my kids; #1 was a boy first grandson on my side of the family, #2 boy 18 months later, or #3 a girl 6 yrs later so I'm jealous of anyone who's even had one baby shower :rolleyes1 .

roliepolieoliefan
04-16-2006, 10:56 PM
Wow. I thought gifts were given because it makes the giver happy to do something for another person. I never give a gift because it is expected. I give when I want to give because it makes me happy to do something nice for someone else. How sad to think that gifts are given because a person feels it is expected. I'd rather never receive another gift in my life if it is given because the giver feels they must rather than because they want to.
Sorry You feel your way, I'll feel mine. I said IMOP!

Sometimes, not always people feel getting married a second time or having a 2nd or third baby is a time to get all new things, that they didn't get the first time around. I have friends who actually told me this.

Of all my friends, my DH and I are the only ones that are still married. Some of my friends are going on their 2nd and third marriages. Thats fine if that floats your boat. But when you had a huge affair your 1st time around, white dress, limo, 300 people. I feel its tacky to do the same thing the 2nd and even third time around. I feel a small family event is most tasteful. I understand if its the groom or brides 1st time vs the others 2nd time(does that make sense), thats different too. But even then, it has to be taken into account that some of these people could have been there the 1st time around, gave gifts, been in the wedding. Sorry but I think its tacky to do the whole big wedding thing AGAIN! I've dished out alot of money for friends weddings, sometimes a thousand or so after dress, gift shower and such only for them to get divorced and expect it again, 2-3 years later.

DH and I joke around that maybe we should have a get-together a hey we're still married get-together. I can use some new towels and dishes. :rolleyes:

Getting off the subject, with babies small showers OK. I had a small one with my 2nd child. She was a DD vs DS the 1st time and they are 5 1/2 years apart. But the 2nd shower was at my cousin's house with about 15 close family and friends vs the 60 people I had at the 1st one.

But like I said before, its just my opinion!

calie_j
04-16-2006, 11:19 PM
Sorry meant to put this in a new post :confused3

DMRick
04-16-2006, 11:46 PM
DH and I joke around that maybe we should have a get-together a hey we're still married get-together. I can use some new towels and dishes. :rolleyes:

We did..it was called our 25th wedding anniversary 14 years ago. I can't wait til the 40th,my towells are wearing out again!
We had a wonderful time. My daughters gave us a great barbeque at a campground. Some people brought RV's and tents, and we had a grand old time. I got new towels, and pots and pans, and even some naughty nighties!

Belle5
04-17-2006, 12:01 AM
Here goes mine:

DS born in 1986 --2 showers (one back east where we were from and one out west where were living)

DS born in 1988--no shower but lots of presents (hardly knew anyone in Texas anyway so most gifts were from the east or west)

DS born in 1990--no shower--some gifts

DS born in 1992--neighborhood ladies threw a shower at a restaurant (maybe ten ladies and clothing type gifts were given)

Five years pass...

DS born in 1997--friend gave a shower at her home with about eight ladies attending--received clothing and some handmade quilt items--all attending were close friends who wanted to welcome the little one and celebrate his coming!

Six years pass

DS born in 2003--two friends hosted tea at a hotel to celebrate the coming arrival of our 6th son. This was attended by mostly the same crowd as the last one. The gifts were a swing, jump-swing, clothing, bath tub, etc. (Remember, I started having babies when Mr. Rogers was hot with kids...)Through the mail we received an unbelievable amount of gifts from back east and out west and relatives and friends from all over the place. A lot of things were received from people who hadn't sent gifts for the last several babies. I was so touched...I think I cried upon receiving each gift!



I did not want the last two showers but my friends would have been seriously offended. Now I am glad I had them. They were great memories.

tinah159
04-17-2006, 12:07 AM
I dont think its acceptable to have a shower after the first child. If I get an invitation for a shower and the mom has already had one for her first birth, I ignore it.

ginna74
04-17-2006, 12:18 AM
I think it is just fine to have a second baby shower. I don't think it is ok to ignore an invitation. I think that is rude to me. I always RSVP. If you don't think it is ok that is fine, but to me, not responding might be more tacky lol

Julia M
04-17-2006, 12:28 AM
I have hosted baby showers for 1st babies. I have also hosted one for a friend who was having her third child in 4 years, but it was a boy (her first two were girls) The guests (basically play group friends and her sisters and mom) mostly gave little boy outfits. Not pricey gifts, just fun.

I also helped host a party for a friend having her 4th baby. Her older three were 14, 12 and 10. She had NO baby stuff left. We were very joyous, and there were some big time gifts.

I tend to agree that showers with the same group of people, for a 2nd or third invitation is a bit tacky.

So, if you don't think it's right, or don't approve, it's fine to RSVP that you can't attend. You don't owe an excuse, or a gift.

Julia

KarenAylwood
04-17-2006, 12:44 AM
I think it is just fine to have a second baby shower. I don't think it is ok to ignore an invitation. I think that is rude to me. I always RSVP. If you don't think it is ok that is fine, but to me, not responding might be more tacky lol

Ditto.

KimRaye
04-17-2006, 12:56 AM
But her kids will be 10 years apart!!! Mine are also. ;) I was given TWO showers for my 2nd child as well (2nd husband). Given by family, both sides, not asked for by me, but MUCH NEEDED and APPRECIATED! Heck, I gave everything I had to family, they could've just given me back my stuff and I'd have been happy! :teeth: But, it WAS greatly appreciated! :goodvibes

LisaNJ25
04-17-2006, 06:05 AM
I had showers with 3 out of my 4 but my kids are very spaced out. For a 2 year gap I cannot see having a shower.

sarahsmom73
04-17-2006, 06:31 AM
I am pg with my second child and my school gave me a beautiful shower for my 1st DD in 2001... They tried to do the same for this baby also a girl due in a couple of weeks or so . I specifically asked NOT to have a shower as I feel they had already given me one... I also hate being the center of attention. They all got together and bought our family a gift certificate to have family portraits done by a professional photographer instead... It was such a nice gesture and so much more appropriate in my situtuation.. A shower in my view was not!

bellarella
04-17-2006, 06:38 AM
I think it is a regional thing. Where I used to live, every child was worth celebrating. Second (or third or fourth) baby showers were common and were not a "grab for gifts." They were parties and a good excuse for friends to get together. Small items were given (a pack of diapers, some crafty ladies made things, maybe an outfit) and the people invited were all ones that would have given a token gift after the baby was born anyway (and thus, did not give a gift afterwards). There were no registries, etc. and it was fine to show up without a gift. It was a celebration with good food and good friends.

I think a lot of the "generational" difference is that "back in the day" showers really were designed 100% to set up a young couple (or parents) with household goods (in the case of weddings) or baby things. Now a days, I think this has been greatly dilluted. Many young people consider showers (especially baby showers) to be celebratory events --- really just another party, with gifts being much more optional, and more of the "token" variety.

I have to say it always makes me a bit sad to see posts like this. It seems like we have become such a "me first" society that people seem to always be on the look out either for a way to get more stuff from others, or on the flip side, certain that invitations are all about them and they should be offended by them. I'm sure some people do give out invitations with the hopes of extracting the maximum amount of gifts, but IRL, just about everyone I know instead agonizes over guest lists with the difficult goal of not offending people because they didn't send an inviation and also not offending people because they think they are going for a gift. Unfortunately, most of the people I know who would be offended by an invitation would also be offended to have not received one. I always give people the benefit of the doubt and assume it is my presence and not my presents that are being requested. If I don't care to attend an event, I don't and send a card of congratulations. If the person who invited me is put out, that is theirs to deal with and not mine.

Lisa loves Pooh
04-17-2006, 06:44 AM
So should the bride not wear white on her wedding day?--if we're going to get all persnickety here.

jennifer293
04-17-2006, 06:53 AM
So should the bride not wear white on her wedding day?--if we're going to get all persnickety here.



If you wanna get really technical about it there are a TON of bride's who have NO BUSINESS wearing white on the first marriage much less the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th etc...according to "THE RULES".... :rotfl2:

I was one of them.... :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Whoever came up with the "rules of etiquette" can kiss my big ol' butt!!! :woohoo: :woohoo:

Jams421
04-17-2006, 07:00 AM
I don't think the issue is totally black and white. The trend here is to have a announcement party around three months and then a baby shower a few weeks before the baby is due. I think that is tacky, just as tacky as the couple that has 4+ parties for their upcoming wedding, which also seems to be the new trend. :rolleyes1 Or including where you are registered with the wedding invite (that rubs me the wrong way, one bride to be asked for clothing for herself :confused3, I always thought you registered for housewares )

At some point it just seems like people are begging for gifts. I will give my friends a little something for each child they have. I will even give an engagement gift, a bridal shower gift, and a wedding gift, but no more than that.

Side note: I think they need to offer Emily Post 101 at colleges, I think everyone from my generation needs to learn some manners.

Lisa loves Pooh
04-17-2006, 07:05 AM
If you wanna get really technical about it there are a TON of bride's who have NO BUSINESS wearing white on the first marriage much less the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th etc...according to "THE RULES".... :rotfl2:

I was one of them.... :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Whoever came up with the "rules of etiquette" can kiss my big ol' butt!!! :woohoo: :woohoo:


I wore white. I ain't saying if I should have or not, though. :rolleyes1

But I sure did look purdy in it. :lmao:

jennifer293
04-17-2006, 07:08 AM
I wore white. I ain't saying if I should have or not, though. :rolleyes1

But I sure did look purdy in it. :lmao:



:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

3DisneyNUTS
04-17-2006, 07:16 AM
Every baby is reason to celebrate. My husbands side does not believe in second baby showers but my side does. It isn't about the gifts, it is about celebrating the new life that is about to come into the world. IMO every child is reason to celebrate.

mom2riceboys
04-17-2006, 07:16 AM
I had two showers and my children are five years apart. The first shower was quite large with friends, family, co-workers. The second shower was only close family members. Our family has showers for second babies that is family only. We are a very close family (aunts, cousins see each other often). We would buy gifts anyway, so we just plan a party around it. We celebrate birthdays together too, so this is just another excuse for everyone to get together! If I receive an invitation to a shower and don't want to purchase a gift, I don't. I always send a card after the baby is born though.

hsmamato2
04-17-2006, 07:28 AM
I agree I only have one child but at my work we give showers to girls with their 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and even 4th babies. Each child is new and special and deserve new things to. My son is now 7 and if I were to have another one I have absolutely nothing so I would have to purchase everything myself.

I do not think anyone is obligated to attend the shower, however, those who wish to can.
i agree! having multiple showers isn't tacky at all! In my life, all the people I've known, my Mom's friends, there were many babies,and many great showers to celebrate these births- No one was "stuff grabbing" anyone who went to a shower went b/c they wanted to be there- and to share in the joy of EACH new child! I myself have 2 boys, and each new gift was special and well appreciated- things wear out, or needs change- but begrudging a baby celebration? I find that to be very strange- sorry,just my opinion,FWIW

momamy
04-17-2006, 07:30 AM
I enjoy going to showers. i dont mind seconds! I love seeing all the new baby things and all the baby talk!

i grew up in nj with the second and + babies you had a meet that baby party when the baby was old enough!

Amy

4greatboys
04-17-2006, 07:36 AM
The sentiment is nice, but the baby doesn't have anything to do with it. For the first several months all a baby "needs" is food, a clean diaper, and somewhere safe to sleep. The baby doesn't care about the froofy wrapping paper, the cute outfits, or the Eddie Bauer limited edition baby food organizer. :rolleyes:

I was pretty sure we all understood the baby wouldnt be happy or upset by gifts recd. You can give a special outfit or baby book, something small and yet personal to that baby alone. Thats the point I was trying to make.

We had a baby shower last year for my best friend that had her fourth child child. No they arent all close in age but aside from that and for many reasons it was the right thing to do. We had 3 people who wanted to give the shower and many more who wanted to attend.

I just dont understand the malice towards people who have more than shower. If you dont want to go then dont go but a lot of people enjoy it. I know I did.


So should the bride not wear white on her wedding day?--if we're going to get all persnickety here.


You very right. This is a long standing "rule" yet one broken quie often.

pigget74
04-17-2006, 08:08 AM
I have had three showers--hence 3 kids. My first was a church only shower when my DS was born. My second was my bunko group and my mom. Fastforward 8 years--after we have given everything away literally. Bought land in December to build house. Found out I was pregnant in January--finished giving all baby books and toys away back in September. We had absolutley nothing!! Did we ask for a shower--no. I was having a very hard time with pregnancy--at about 5 or 6 months I finally came around and was truely excited. My sister-n-law had a shower for me--people from church and family. My hall at school also gave me a diaper and wipe shower/lunch after little man was born--because we missed 3 weeks of school with Katrina. Now I did register--because I was told to. I had so many people aksing that they finally said please register somewhere. The shower was a blessing--we were not expecting it at all. Especially with Katrina--we actually gave a lot of diapers away to local shelters when none of the stores were open. Joshua was born 2 weeks after Katrina--Friends that had heard that we gave our diapers away to the shelters came to the hospital with diapers for us. Did we expect this NO!! We did what we thought was right. Little man is now 7 mths and we still have not had to buy diapers or wipes. That has been a huge blessing.

So are second showers wrong-----I guess only if you are forced to throw one--it is a time of celebrating an exciting moment.

babiesX2
04-17-2006, 08:11 AM
This is how I thought all baby showers were? :confused3


So my question for all who think it is tacky--what if mom had nothing to do with it? People just wanted to do something nice?

I had 4 different groups insisting that they give me a shower. Like I said in my PP, I politely declined. I let them know Dh and I were not comfortable with the idea.

Alicnwondrln
04-17-2006, 08:22 AM
my kids are 5 years apart and we did not have alot let as we were not planning on more kids
we did not have another shower, i agree i think it tacky if you just had a bby within the past 2 years
if the baby is the same sex you should have alot left and not need as much

we went out bought everything all over and my parents got us a few things as well

kuusimo
04-17-2006, 08:49 AM
My sons are 21 months apart, and I had 2 showers for the first child (one with just family when they were all in town at the beginning of my pregnancy, and the second with the other side of family and friends at the end). For DS #2 I did not have a shower, but was given gifts for him. I felt the same way that I had everything. My MIL asked what I needed and I said baby wash. She got me 6 bottles of baby wash and I did not need to buy more until DS # 2 was 18 months!

The best shower I heard of though was a friend of mine had twins after having a boy and girl. Everyone was asked to bring diapers. She did not need diapers for almost 6 months. Which was good because she was so busy with everything else to worry about diapers.

I guess I still don't understand why providing the mother with essentials like diapers, wipes, or other basic necessities is such a horrible thing. You use those with every child. I also get a small gift for those that have a new child and don't have a shower. I believe too that every child should be celebrated. It is nothing big, but it is something.

If you don't agree with the shower or situation, I agree with the other posters that you should at least RSVP and let them know you are not coming and leave it at that.

Lisa loves Pooh
04-17-2006, 08:56 AM
I had 4 different groups insisting that they give me a shower. Like I said in my PP, I politely declined. I let them know Dh and I were not comfortable with the idea.

Didn't work for me. I politely refused several times. And it was politely insisted that I allow them to do something for me (baby shower from first pregnany didn't go so well and she wanted to do this for me so i could have a POSITIVE experience).



I'm sure Emily Post has something to say about parties being thrown in ones honor, no? Being gracious about it?

graciepooh
04-17-2006, 09:07 AM
I think this is a to each their own situation. I am from the south and did not have the second shower. I too had great friends who wanted to throw the second one but it exceeded my comfort area. (My kids are 5yrs apart) My SIL who is also from the south did have a second one and it was quite nice as well.

I also was previously married and had the big wedding. It was a great wedding and a bad marriage. When my Dh and I wed it was his first and my last :rotfl2: Like the second baby shower I just would not have been comfortable with another shower with the same guests as the first time. However, he wanted one from his side of the family and that is who was invited. Only people from his side and my mom and sister. It was small and i met his Aunt who became my favorite relative on his side. We had our small wedding at Disney with only parents and siblings. Sixteen years and two babies later I am still happy with my decisions just as my SIL is with hers. I have been to second showers for people I love and I have sent gifts when a second child is being born and a shower is not being thrown. I have also not responded to invitations from people that I feel are gift hunting. I guess I just do what feels right for me.

ZuZugal
04-17-2006, 09:07 AM
It totally depends on the situation.

As one poster mentioned, you will purchase a baby gift anyway, so why not give the gift at the shower? My answer to that is......I like to go pay a visit AFTER the baby is born, and who likes walking in empty handed when you are going to visit a friend with a new baby??? If you've already given a gift at the shower, you hate to be without a gift when you visit. My only answer to this is.....bring a meal for the friend. At that point the "baby stuff" isn't nearly as interesting as a home cooked meal!! ;)

alabamagirl
04-17-2006, 09:07 AM
My mother in law threw me a shower when DH and I got married, I ended up with a bunch of stuff I don't use and can't take back. I didn't want the shower, and I don't want one when I get pregnant. Most of the time (at least in our community) people don't even look at where you are registered and they get you what they like. I know it is the thought that counts, but just think of the wasted money when you know you will never use it.

If anyone asks me what I need/want for my child when I get pregnant, I will say DIAPERS, LOTS AND LOTS OF DIAPERS!! :)

kfeuer
04-17-2006, 09:32 AM
I am on the fence, on this one. I'd say that it really depends. If I am really, really close to the people, I love to celebrate the baby-to-be with them. But if it is a less close relationship, then it sort of feels like a gift-begging thing.

I just look at it as celebrating a new baby's coming. In my mind, they each can have a party. But the registering for gifts, inviting EVERYONE, favors and games, etc do seem over the top I guess.

I agree with the above. My boys are just over 2 years apart, so although someone offered to give me a second shower I politely declined. We just didn't need much. I really treasure the few gifts we did get from visitors, though. They stand out in my memory more because we just got so much with our first son.

I think it all depends on the circumstances...in my own circumstance, I'd have felt tacky having another shower. However, if there's a big gap between babies or it's a different sex from the first one I don't see anything wrong with having another small shower if that's what the mom wants. I don't give big gifts at second showers, though--usually just an outfit or diapers.

sandraB
04-17-2006, 09:45 AM
I don't think second showers are tacky, but being invited to a first shower of a distant family member , you never see, and hardly know, yet feel obligated to go to .....is tacky!! (been invited to few of these!)

I think that second, or third showers are more the norm than not now....I didnt' get a second shower, and I felt a little sad......like it wasn't an exciting enough event to warant a party!! Like many have said, you usually provide a gift for a second baby, so what the problem with a party, to celebrate it? THere is no obligation to gift again, after the shower gift.


The birth of a new baby, no matter when , should be celebrated, it is a new life, and new family.


I am surprised at how judgemental this board can be!!!

Sandi

cats mom
04-17-2006, 09:46 AM
I've always understood the general rule to be one baby shower.
But rules are made to be broken - right? ;)

I don't mind a 2nd, 3rd, etc. shower if it's for a close friend or family member. I'd be buying a gift anyway, so might as well get together to celebrate.

The ones that get me are when I hardly know the person.
I just got invites to a bridal shower/wedding for a gal from church.
I've never even met or spoken to the girl getting married and have had minimal contact with the mother & father of the bride (I know who they are and say hello if we pass in the hall - that's it)
Those are the ones that bother me. I assume they just go down the church roster and invite everyone. Maybe it's done to avoid hurt feelings & they don't want to exclude anyone, but it almost seems like more of a gift grab.

tinkarooni
04-17-2006, 09:48 AM
I am sure the OP is surprised at all of the excitement this post has caused. So many people with different opinions.
I think people have touched on the facts. If you are close to the family you are probably going to buy a gift regardless of which baby it is 1, 3 or 12 and may enjoy attending a shower.
However if you are let's say third cousins and see this person at weddings and funerals and get a second or (GASP) third baby shower invitation it does seem a bit like gift grabbing. I received one once (second baby) I didn't even know she was pregnant and I had already sent a gift (out of state) for this first child. TACKY!

I feel the same way with weddings. I'm sure everyone's situation is different. I had a friend whose husband of 8 years was killed in a plane crash. 2 years later she was marrying "the man of her dreams", her words not mine. She asked me to throw her a wedding shower and I politely declined giving an excuse. I was uncomfortable with it. I did however attend the shower she eventually had and brought a gift. I would have bought a gift anyway, after all she was my friend, and I had a nice lunch.

It's just never black and white is it? :)

pezpam
04-17-2006, 09:50 AM
In our circles, baby showers are about celebrating the baby, not about providing all of the baby basics, so having a second or even a third (or more) shower isn't a big deal. Baby showers are along the lines of a birthday party - we have some laughs, usually a nice lunch (often potluck) and a cake, and bring a small gift. While I think it would be tacky to expect to be provided with a new crib and such a year after one got the first one, having a small party where friends give you things like picture frames or baby books isn't any more of a "grab for stuff" than a casual birthday party would be.

IMHO, a *large* part of whether a second shower is tacky is in the expectations. Celebration? Fine. "Give me an expensive new crib when the other one is still in great shape"? Not so fine. :)

gris gris
04-17-2006, 09:52 AM
I'm pregnant with #2 (DD is almost 4) and this time around it's a BOY! I am not having a shower but to be honest, I really could use some boy clothes. I don't need anything else for baby gear. I also see the celebration part of it - we're all into trying to be fair to all our children - so why did DD get a big party with new clothes but soon to be DS doesn't get one? Anyhow I expect after he's born people will come with gifts and hope it will be clothes! DS is going to sleep use DD's crib stuff - just don't tell the little boy, he's sleeping with a flower & butterfly patterned quilt :) However, I can't see dressing him in all of our girly clothes!

malibuconlee
04-17-2006, 10:28 AM
I agree it's tacky. DH's older sister three years ago threw a shower for the younger sister and wanted me to help. It was for a second boy in less than three years.

I don't see a problem with it if there has been a large gap (my cousin had a boy, then had a girl close to 10 years later and they had a shower then.) But it's not like they needed to furnish a baby's room or anything.

I did buy a small gift, but didn't go all out like I had for the first one.

I told my SIL that I thought showers were for first babies, and she told me they don't do it that way there.

GRRR.

DVC Sadie
04-17-2006, 10:42 AM
Of course each child should be cherished, pampered and treated special when born. I was just raised that the first shower was to completely help furnish the needs of having the baby. Every 1st shower I have attended completely furnished a nursery. Including cribs, rocking chairs, deluxe strollers, furniture styled changing tables basically everything new parents would need all from A to Z. So when I see "some" parents register for the same gifts again it makes me wonder why they would need all new furniture and stuff for the new baby. We always send gifts for each new baby but it is things for that baby and not new furniture etc...

Chicago526
04-17-2006, 10:42 AM
My gut reaction was "heck no" you shouldn't have a second shower, but I guess there are circumstances where it actually would be a good idea and a nice thing to do for the mother. For instance:

Many years since the birth of their last child, since the parents most likely got ride of all the baby stuff.

First child was a single birth, next birth will be twins (or triplets! this happend to my SIL's sister-in-law, 2nd pregnancy she had triplets!).

Parent's are in tough financial situation (job layoff, high medical bills, whatever).

Anyway, I guess it just depends on the situation. But if it's just a run of the mill pregnancy without any unique circumstances, I think it's kind of tacky. I'd either opt not to attend and send a nice "congrats" card, or I'd go to enjoy the party (they are kind of fun) and just give a card with a $25 gift cert (fare exchange for cake and an afternoon's entertainment).

DianeV
04-17-2006, 10:44 AM
To the poster waaay back who insinuated how "sad" it is that my 2nd daughter knows she didnt have a shower because she was a 2nd baby...what is sad is your insinuating that my daughter has not been made to feel special. She didnt need a bunch of women giving me more gifts to make her feel special. She already is

A "celebration" is different then having a shower and knowing people will feel obligated to bring a gift

The Disney Bunch
04-17-2006, 10:53 AM
It is not the norm where I live. Showers are for 1st babies. I have seen second showers if there are extenuating circumstances, such as a multiple birth the second time or there is a large amount of time between babies (my mom had anoterh shower for my youngest brother -there was 16 years between children.

I think having a second shower is tacky, especially when the older child is only two years old. It is a blatant request for baby items.

Now, I do send gifts for additional babies but I think a shower is to celebrate an event in the mother's life, not the baby's life.

Becky2005
04-17-2006, 10:54 AM
I was just raised that the first shower was to completely help furnish the needs of having the baby. Every 1st shower I have attended completely furnished a nursery. Including cribs, rocking chairs, deluxe strollers, furniture styled changing tables basically everything new parents would need all from A to Z.

I guess that maybe why the difference in opinions on "only the 1st" or every baby. The only *big* thing I got with my first shower was my car seat (which I am still using 12 years later - even though I don't think you are supposed to use car seats that long anymore.), baby swing and diaper pail. That was it. I had to go get my own rocking chair, stroller, dresser, etc... My mom did buy us our crib. However, everything else at the shower was diapers, wipes, outfits, lotions, etc... which when baby #2 was born, I still needed diapers, wipes, etc...

I have yet to be at any baby shower where many major items are supplied. It's always the onesies, blankets, rattles, cute little things but usually only 1 or 2 big items - I don't think I've ever seen furniture given. Usually a stroller & car seat are the only 2 big items I have ever seen.

I guess that's why I never think of having a shower for the 2nd, 3rd, 15th child is any big deal. My favorite thing to give is diapers in NOT the newborn size and wipes. My kids were always hefty when they were born - my 3rd was over 9 pounds when he was born so didn't even wear the newborn diapers.

Maybe it's a regional thing or probably just what is typical in a family.

Lisa loves Pooh
04-17-2006, 10:57 AM
Those saying gaps are okay. I disagree. You either think it is tacky, or it is not.

Etiquette is based on rules of society & culture. And they do change over time. Things that were poor etiquette in the 1600s are not so poor etiquette today. Conversely--things that were not poor etiquette have now become so.

I wonder if religion plays a part in it at all. (just a pondering thought).

My definition of a shower is any gathering large or small to celebrate the birth of a baby.

Oh--and there are those who think it should be ladies only, children allowed/no children allowed, or co-ed.

Society changes.

canwegosoon
04-17-2006, 10:59 AM
2nd Baby Shower-Totally tacky (IMO-and I'm not a Southerner)
A Welcome Home BabyXYZ(coffee tea and cake)-Not a shower and no presents expected - only inviting closest friends and family members(noone further than 1hour away)-fine
A Blessing(or Baptismal/Christening)Celebration-Of Course

Some people will send a small gift(outfit or check) when they get a baby announcement. More than this should not be done-there is really no need. All babies are special-but showers are to help the mother prepare for her child bearing years(not one child)

CinRell
04-17-2006, 11:08 AM
Wow.. I never heard it was tacky to have more than one... I always thought it was just fine to have a baby shower for ANY new baby! No matter how far apart they are in age. The shower is to celebrate a new baby and for new things for the baby.

My cousin has a baby boy who's 2. She's having a little girl in July. I totally expect her to have a shower. If she didn't I'd be shocked!

Lisa loves Pooh
04-17-2006, 11:25 AM
I may have to throw my own shower for any future kids--just to be "tacky". Dude--I didn't know I was to expect gifts. I've been doing it all wrong!




;)

ETA: But can I wear white?

hiwaygal
04-17-2006, 11:33 AM
ETA: But can I wear white?


Between the third and fourth hour of the second moon phase AFTER the first day of Spring...but only until 6pm...and only for 2 hours.

And never for a second wedding...

Gotta love all these RULES! ;) :teeth:

Waseller77
04-17-2006, 11:46 AM
I disagree with the OP. I am pregnant for the second time and my mother-in-law asked if she could throw me a shower. My initial reaction was no - we didn't really need anything other than boys clothes since we already have a girl. Then I went out and bought him a baby book. In most of the baby books I read, there is a section for "My Baby Shower". How sad for my son to look at his baby book and see that empty section when his sisters was filled with names and pictures, etc. And only because he is child number 2. So I changed my mind and told my mother-in-law that I would LOVE a get-together of close friends and family to "celebrate" the new child that is about to enter our lives...

DVC Sadie
04-17-2006, 11:51 AM
;)

ETA: But can I wear white?[/QUOTE]

I went to the third wedding of very good friends when the bride walked down the aisle in white yet again. My friend who was the mother of the bride said,"It is getting ridiculous, isn't it?" I didn't want to hurt her feelings so I did not say anything. Her daughter has had 3 weddings in 12 years and all of the fanfare each and every time. This last wedding we gave a beautiful gift basket but I have to admit the cost of each gift for those weddings have gone down considerably. There comes a time when enough is enough.

Samar
04-17-2006, 12:25 PM
I don't think it's tacky at all. Then again, I had a boy and then a girl. I never had a shower with DS just for DD. However, I've always looked at showers as gifts for the baby in place of a see-the-baby-and-bring-a-gift thing. I personally found the meet-n-greets after DD was born exhausting and it annoyed me that DH expected me to play hostess the weekend I got home from the hospital.

ceecee
04-17-2006, 12:25 PM
I totally agree with the original poster. Being a southerner it just isn't done and is considered tacky.
I totally argee and I'm not a southerner! I think maybe if there's a big time span between babies (10 years or so) other than that I think it's like asking for gifts. Which your good friends would probably get you anyway with or without a shower.
A friend of mine had 3 showers for her first baby and she was so embarassed by the amount of things she got. She is set for the next 10 kids! She had a family only shower (50 people-large family) a work shower (surprise with 20 people) and her friend shower with about 25 people.

LdyFaile
04-17-2006, 12:27 PM
I haven't read all the posts on this just thought I'd chime in on my two cents. I'm in my early 30s so I think I fit in with the 'younger' generation.

I think baby showers after the first born are not acceptable except perhaps in extreme situations.

A good friend of mine just had her second baby. About two weeks before he was born we had a 'shower' for the mom. It wasn't a baby shower it was a night out with the girls. It was expressly stated 'no gifts'. Some people did give her stuff for the baby anyway, handmade stuff generally. Myself, I gave her gifts for her to enjoy after the baby was born (ie a gift card to buy herself a bottle of wine since I don't drink wine and know nothing about it).

Anyway...

kpm76
04-17-2006, 12:29 PM
Second showers are unheard of in my family and circle of friends. I have never been invited to one. I admit to feeling that baby showers in general are a bit on the tacky side. Of course, I go to them and have a good time and ooh and aah over the cute baby things but I have always thought that once a couple decides to have a child they make that decision based on a number of factors including financial stability, so why the need to ask for lots of baby things? Some have described showers in their area as small gatherings with coffee and cake and really just a celebration of a new child. However, around here, baby showers are as big and elaborate as wedding showers. I am not whole-heartedly opposed to them and I realize that under certain circumstances they are really helpful to the new mom and dad and child.

As a side note, my family is enormous (mom is the oldest of 11, dad is the oldest of 8 and I am the oldest of 4). I have over 40 first cousins (so far) so if we had second showers, we'd be going in a million directions every weekend. I have already had to curtail the attendance at birthday parties because DH and I never get a second to ourselves...lol.

georgina
04-17-2006, 12:30 PM
Wow.. I never heard it was tacky to have more than one... I always thought it was just fine to have a baby shower for ANY new baby! No matter how far apart they are in age. The shower is to celebrate a new baby and for new things for the baby.


I never knew either! There must be a lot of us tacky people around who weren't raised by the proper etiquette rules (can't say it bothers me though.)

TnTWalter
04-17-2006, 12:44 PM
it's the opposit sex after 2-3 of the same sex so they have nothing gender neutral or gender specific or if it's been many years since a child. Otherwise, I bring baby, siblings and mom gifts after the baby is born[if I'm close] with a nice meal; or just send baby a gift if I'm not that close or live too far.

For example, I am going to a baby shower for a friend who is having her 3rd child, but her first baby. She adopted 2 children when they were toddlers. So, that's an interesting situation, she has no baby things. And she's a good friend so it will be fun.

I have 3 kids and had 3 showers for my FIRST child, other kiddos received plenty of gifts and attention after they arrived which was fine by me. ;o)

Did you all read about the couple that was getting free products, money, gfits, etc. for the sextuplets? Of course, they didn't even have 1 kid!

Trish

WeluvDisney2
04-17-2006, 12:59 PM
The baby shower will probably not be as elaborate as the one for the first child was, but I think it is nice to welcome every baby with a shower. It is not the child's fault that they were not the first born. Of course there will not be a need to purchase any big ticket items since those should be passed down from the first child. However, onesies and bibs get stained, pacifyers etc. get worn out, and you know how many diapers and wipes you go through with a new baby! Any of those type of things I think would be really welcomed for a 2nd, 3rd etc. baby. I plan to give my sister-in-law a small cookout/babyshower this summer for her 5th child! :cutie:

Belle5
04-17-2006, 01:44 PM
After reading some of these responses I am wondering if many of those who are opposed to "showers after the first born" have a different idea of a shower from those who think it's fine. Where I was born and raised, wedding showers, baby showers, heck...even graduations are such a HUGE deal and expense. People rent halls, sometimes hire bands and buy over-the-top gifts and invite everyone they have ever met.

Do you ever meet a small group of ladies for lunch or at Starbucks? Would you ever bring a close friend a baby gift if there were no shower? The showers I am talking about are the kind of event where you would just combine these to things. A "shower" can be a few close friends meeting for lunch and bringing the gift they would have given anyway.

Now, if we are talking about the kind of shower with the hall, band and invitation list that includes everyone you ever met--then I would not be in favor of doing that repeatedly. My 2 cents...

kizmac
04-17-2006, 02:00 PM
I personally think it is tacky. I do see it becoming the trend though. Seems to be more acceptable in certain areas than in others. Around here, most still only have one shower for the first baby. I have 6 kids and did have a baby shower with my 1st in 1991 but did not have another shower until 2004 when I had my 6th child. That was mostly because I was having another girl after 13+ years since my last girl. Didn't mean that nobody bought gifts for my other babies, but no one was forced to by being invited to a shower.

I think it's more exceptable to have another shower if more than 5 or so years are between kids or if the person hadn't planned on more children and had gotten rid of all their stuff. Other than that to me it just looks tacky and like you are asking for gifts. To me, if someone is going to give you a baby gift because they want to, they do it without a baby shower anyhow. I had six kids. Could you just imagine if I'd have had a baby shower and invited great Aunt Bessie and cousin Rita each time?! I'm sure they'd just love that. :lmao:

gradtchr
04-17-2006, 02:11 PM
I personally do not think it is tacky. I always get gifts for my friends new babies no matter what number the child may be, because they are new, and new babies should have some new things. Many second children get a lot of hand me downs which are great but it doesn't hurt them to have brand new items either. I personally feel that if they have friends and family who want to have the expense of a shower for child number 2, 3, 4, etc then what is wrong with that? I also know that I love seeing what new baby items are out there. I don't have any children or need anything like that at this time but for me it is always fun to look and oooo and awwwww over things. Plus it is always fun getting together with friends and I will never turn down that opportunity. As for registering it really helps me know what is needed and not needed so I have no problem with that at all. I'm probably not normal here but I wish that people could register easily for birthday and christmas gifts. :)

If you feel it is tacky then politely send in a no for the RSVP and don't go.

Downrivermama
04-17-2006, 02:15 PM
I agree with the OP it's tackey and IMHO greedy. Most people will give a gift when the second child is born without being asked.

MrsPete
04-17-2006, 02:20 PM
I totally argee and I'm not a southerner! I think maybe if there's a big time span between babies (10 years or so) other than that I think it's like asking for gifts. Which your good friends would probably get you anyway with or without a shower.I am a Southerner, and I agree with those who say it's TACKY to have a shower for a second baby! It's double-tacky if it's given by the mother-to-be's mother or mother-in-law. Either of these things looks like begging for gifts.

The shower isn't for the baby -- it's for the mother. It's things to make her life easier.

Of course a second-time mom's friends will get her gifts, though they'll be smaller than for a first-baby. Presumably she already has a crib, blankets, etc.

Mandy_in_NC
04-17-2006, 02:29 PM
I personally do not think it is tacky. I always get gifts for my friends new babies no matter what number the child may be, because they are new, and new babies should have some new things. Many second children get a lot of hand me downs which are great but it doesn't hurt them to have brand new items either. I personally feel that if they have friends and family who want to have the expense of a shower for child number 2, 3, 4, etc then what is wrong with that? I also know that I love seeing what new baby items are out there. I don't have any children or need anything like that at this time but for me it is always fun to look and oooo and awwwww over things. Plus it is always fun getting together with friends and I will never turn down that opportunity. As for registering it really helps me know what is needed and not needed so I have no problem with that at all. I'm probably not normal here but I wish that people could register easily for birthday and christmas gifts. :)

If you feel it is tacky then politely send in a no for the RSVP and don't go.

Well Said and I agree 100%!!

bclydia
04-17-2006, 03:57 PM
EVERY baby is a gift from God and should be celebrated and welcomed as such.
If you don't like it, then don't go. If you are one of those who consider it "tacky", "just not done" or who are from the "south" who consider it in poor taste, please, come up with something more important to be concerned about.
The world is full of awful, horrible things. When God sends a new precious baby into this world, then everyone should jump up and be delighted to celebrate with the family. If you're not inclined to bring a gift, no one should care. It's the life and love of the child we celebrate.

DianeV
04-17-2006, 04:01 PM
I dont think I have seen anyone saying that having a baby is not something to celebrate..however is celebrating = gift? Because having a shower is asking for a gift no matter who is putting it on

TexasCourt
04-17-2006, 04:43 PM
I am from the South, and I do not consider it "tacky." My way of thinking is that if the 2nd shower is for close friends and family, wouldn't you end up getting the baby a small gift of some sort anyway? I know that I would.

jennifer293
04-17-2006, 05:03 PM
I may have to throw my own shower for any future kids--just to be "tacky". Dude--I didn't know I was to expect gifts. I've been doing it all wrong!




;)

ETA: But can I wear white?


Yes, you can wear white because I am a southerner and I said it is OK... :lmao:

DVC Sadie
04-17-2006, 05:51 PM
EVERY baby is a gift from God and should be celebrated and welcomed as such.
If you don't like it, then don't go. If you are one of those who consider it "tacky", "just not done" or who are from the "south" who consider it in poor taste, please, come up with something more important to be concerned about.
The world is full of awful, horrible things. When God sends a new precious baby into this world, then everyone should jump up and be delighted to celebrate with the family. If you're not inclined to bring a gift, no one should care. It's the life and love of the child we celebrate.


It has nothing to do with giving a gift! When we go to a "Baby Shower" we know what our expectations are going to be. It is to help outfit the Nursery. I have no problem in giving a gift that exceeds 500.00 to 1000.00 for said purposes. As stated above we will always give a gift for a "NEW" baby that comes into the family.

thelittlemermaid
04-17-2006, 06:01 PM
I didn't read all the responses, but I have two children and only had one baby shower for my first.

DS9 was first and then 3 years later I had DD6. Even though I had already had a child, my second one was of a different gender and could have used the clothes, but like some others, the older generation only considers having a baby shower for the first baby.

Now we are going to be having our third child and I have totally nothing left after DD. Of all times of needing to have a shower, this would be it. But I know I won't be having one. Most of the friends I had in my home town, I have drifted apart from except one. Since my mom passed away, her side of the family and I don't talk anymore. So all I really have is my dad's side of the family, who lives pretty far away and DH's side of his families. Plus the few friends that I have in the town I am now living. DH's cousin and his wife just had a baby boy back in March and at a birthday party on the 15th she asked me if I would like to have the clothes their little boy out grows for our soon to be arrival. Thankfully we are having a boy, so that will really help out.

kpm76
04-17-2006, 06:06 PM
I think one of the issues is the difference in people's definition of "showers." In my family, showers are big deals with 50-75 people, sometimes more. It's immediate family, extended family, friends etc. Some who have responded are qualifying a small gathering of 5-10 women who are very close friends or immediate family as a shower. Of course I give nice gifts to my brothers and sister, close friends and even close cousins when they have kids. The issue I have with "second showers" is when you are invited to your second cousin once removed or your mom's friend's daughter's shower. I hardly see these people and likely would not be inclined to acknowledge the birth other than a card and a congrats when/if I saw them after the baby was born.

84disney
04-17-2006, 06:10 PM
I agree 1000% with bclydia. Once again, it saddens me the reactions of some. I really do NOT think anyone is expecting a $500.00 gift for a second baby...or first for that matter :sad2: !! Remember an invitation can always be declined. People are not always out to get all the STUFF they can :rolleyes2 . Some people are excited for other people's blessings and are happy to come celebrate. I have seen tears in the eyes of mothers I have thought to get a small gift for when they have had a new baby..not the first child, but loved all the same. I have been humbled and blessed at my small showers that kind people have given me for each of my children. They were times of extreme joy and appreciation. Sure made me more aware of others joys and made me determined to pass these feelings and blessings on to other's...you know...spread some love :love: !! Some of the older women at our church that were such examples can never be forgotten, and have blessed my life!

kpm76
04-17-2006, 06:13 PM
Now we are going to be having our third child and I have totally nothing left after DD. Of all times of needing to have a shower, this would be it. But I know I won't be having one.

I don't mean to single you out, but I am curious as to why it should be other people's responsibility to outfit new babies and nurseries? Shouldn't that fall on the parents? Don't get me wrong, I love buying baby clothes and other useful items for the baby, but I don't ever think it's right to expect that people will pitch in. If you need a shower, maybe you need to assess your ability to financially support the child long-term.

Jams421
04-17-2006, 06:18 PM
The issue I have with "second showers" is when you are invited to your second cousin once removed or your mom's friend's daughter's shower. I hardly see these people and likely would not be inclined to acknowledge the birth other than a card and a congrats when/if I saw them after the baby was born.

I totally agree. Showers are huge events here (usually 100+ people) and I would rather not go to Jane So-n-so's (whom I haven't talked to in 10 years) 2nd baby shower, yet she tracked down my parents address and sent me an invite, To me that is begging for a gift, no matter how you try to bundle it.

Am I happy for her? You better believe it, but enough is enough.

If and when I have children, I only want a small gathering. IMHO its a little weird to invite everyone I have ever known, and I would personally feel like I was a gift begger.

LdyFaile
04-17-2006, 06:25 PM
I guess my feelings on the subject are this.

I always think new babys (and new weddings) are things to be celebrated.

I think it's appropriate, if possible, to have a baby/bridal shower for the first baby/first wedding. To me a shower is a way to 'shower' new moms and new brides with things they don't already have but will need on their new 'journey'.

Past that, on the next kids (or next husbands) I think a 'Shower' is not necessarily appropriate. It's one thing if the expectant mother or the bride to be again isn't aware of it and people throw something as a surprise. It's another if they're just tired of the stuff they have from before and want new stuff. (ok that last sentance primarily applies to people getting remarried)

I do think that new babys area always a cause for celebrations of some sort. And help should be provided to the growing family as appropriate. When my friends had their second son a bunch of us got together and provided them with dinner every other night for two weeks. It was just one less thing the mom had to deal with, esp with a 2 yo and a newborn trying to get used to one another.

If you know someone's having another child and really could use something that they don't have (or don't have anymore) great, buy it for them.

But to call the celebration a Shower just seems to be inappropriate.

I'm not saying that there aren't extenuating circumstances just it seems like a lot of times it's just the mom's way 'getting new stuff' without having to buy it. When in reality they could get by without it.

kizmac
04-17-2006, 06:27 PM
I dont think I have seen anyone saying that having a baby is not something to celebrate..however is celebrating = gift? Because having a shower is asking for a gift no matter who is putting it on



I agree......while I said that I felt it is tacky, I in no way feel that a baby is not something to celebrate. My goodness, I have 6 kids! BUT, I would have been completely embarrassed to have 6 showers.

You don't need a shower with distant relatives and friends that you see once a year for each baby. Your close friends and family will do enough celebrating with or without a shower.

Lisa loves Pooh
04-17-2006, 06:39 PM
Between the third and fourth hour of the second moon phase AFTER the first day of Spring...but only until 6pm...and only for 2 hours.

And never for a second wedding...

Gotta love all these RULES! ;) :teeth:

:lmao:

4greatboys
04-17-2006, 06:44 PM
I don't mean to single you out, but I am curious as to why it should be other people's responsibility to outfit new babies and nurseries? Shouldn't that fall on the parents? Don't get me wrong, I love buying baby clothes and other useful items for the baby, but I don't ever think it's right to expect that people will pitch in. If you need a shower, maybe you need to assess your ability to financially support the child long-term.


I dont see anywhere in her post where is says she exepcts people to furnish all her baby stuff. She was saying how it would be nice to get some baby items and no where did I read they could not financially support their child(ren).

kpm76
04-17-2006, 06:50 PM
I dont see anywhere in her post where is says she exepcts people to furnish all her baby stuff. She was saying how it would be nice to get some baby items and no where did I read they could not financially support their child(ren).

She said if ever there was a time she needed a shower it would be now. My point was that if you're even thinking along those lines, perhaps you need to give some thought to the long term financial impact of having a child.

4greatboys
04-17-2006, 06:57 PM
She said if ever there was a time she needed a shower it would be now. My point was that if you're even thinking along those lines, perhaps you need to give some thought to the long term financial impact of having a child.


Yes I saw where she said that. It did not say to me that she couldnt afford to buy her child anything or that she couldnt afford another child.
She has 2 other kids so Im sure she is aware of the finances that go with kids.
2 of my boys are 2 years apart so that pretty much meant two of everything. We could afford the items but its always nice to get a gift that helps you out. It in no way means you can afford the child but every little bit helps.

ReneeQ
04-17-2006, 07:43 PM
Sheesh! A lot can happen in a thread when you go to work! I am the OP for this thread and have spent the last hour reading all these replies. Some of them are quite hilarious. :lmao:

To comment on a few things - no, the mom-to-be isn't hosting her own shower. The shower is being given by a good friend of hers and by her husband's cousin. I have no idea who all has been invited to this shower, but KNOW some of them (me!) were invited to the shower I gave for her two years ago. I also don't think it's a "small get together" as the invitations are professionally printed, with a vellum overlay, and tied with pink ribbons.

I disagree with some of these posts, as, to me at least, a SHOWER means a gift is expected. A SHOWER is to shower the guest of honor with gifts. That's where the term came from. And the wording of this invitation makes it pretty clear, as it reads:

Diapers and bibs, bottles and more
that's what baby showers are for

A shower honoring Jane Smith
and the arrival of Baby Smith

And at the very bottom, printed ON the invitation is:

Registered at Target

I appreciate all these replies and admit maybe I was too harsh in calling it this shower "tacky." This IS a first for me, as I have never before been invited to a shower for a second child. But after reading all these replies, I have realized that just because I've never been to one, doesn't make it wrong. :blush: I really like what a lot of you had to say.

As an FYI, I did a search on "Emily Post" and found this:

Q. Is it proper etiquette for an expectant mother to host a baby shower for her 2nd baby?

A. While it is never appropriate for someone to host a shower (baby or bridal) for themselves, it is perfectly fine to throw a baby shower for a motherís second or third baby, as long as the guest list is limited to close relatives and very close friends and/or guests who did not attend a shower for the first child. It is an especially nice event for the mother-to-be if several years have passed since the last baby was born, since the parents will have fewer hand-me-downs for the new arrival. Location can also play a part. When a growing family has moved to another city or town, it makes sense for their new friends to throw a shower, regardless of how many children the parents have.

Lisa loves Pooh
04-17-2006, 07:49 PM
As an FYI, I did a search on "Emily Post" and found this:

Q. Is it proper etiquette for an expectant mother to host a baby shower for her 2nd baby?

A. While it is never appropriate for someone to host a shower (baby or bridal) for themselves, it is perfectly fine to throw a baby shower for a motherís second or third baby, as long as the guest list is limited to close relatives and very close friends and/or guests who did not attend a shower for the first child. It is an especially nice event for the mother-to-be if several years have passed since the last baby was born, since the parents will have fewer hand-me-downs for the new arrival. Location can also play a part. When a growing family has moved to another city or town, it makes sense for their new friends to throw a shower, regardless of how many children the parents have.

Well slap myself silly--I tried searching her site and couldn't find it...so I do appreciate you finding the "official etiquette" ruling on that.

Now let's put this baby to bed. ;)

DVC Sadie
04-17-2006, 07:52 PM
She said if ever there was a time she needed a shower it would be now. My point was that if you're even thinking along those lines, perhaps you need to give some thought to the long term financial impact of having a child.


ITA!!

Please tell me how much is too much. No ONE on this thread wants to address the issue of selling all of the 1st childs belongings on EBAY. Guess what ? We have witnessed all of the shenanigans of selling and expecting others to AGAIN furnish for the nursery! Sorry, it is not going to happen. Sometimes ENOUGH really is enough. If a person needs to THINK about how many children they can comfortably afford without help from other people then IT's A GOOD THING!

Jams421
04-17-2006, 07:53 PM
And at the very bottom, printed ON the invitation is:

Registered at Target


I think that is tacky.

jennifer293
04-17-2006, 08:06 PM
I don't think it is tacky to list where the mother to be is registered ONLY because I would much rather be able to pull a registry than have to hunt the mother down and see what she needs. I will only buy something from the registry or something they have told me they want or need because as someone stated earlier you end up getting something you cannot use or don't need and it cannot be taken back.

****YOU CAN NEVER GO WRONG WITH DIAPERS!!!! :thumbsup2

runwad
04-17-2006, 08:15 PM
I had 3 kids all 2 years apart and only had 1 shower for the first. I did receive baby gifts from friends and family for #2 & #3. My gripe is mom's that have kids then sell off all their baby items and then have another shower when they get pregnant 3 or 4 years later. Hey people if my basement and attic are filled with bins of baby clothes and items just in case we have another I think everyone should have to put up with all the clutter :crazy:, not profit by selling baby items then have someone turn around and give them a shower because they don't have anything....those are the kinds of second showers that get me. But I totally understand that 9 times out of 10 it's the friends doing this and not the expectant mother.

disney4us2002
04-17-2006, 08:40 PM
I have never even heard of anyone hinting that a second or more shower was anything other than a celebration of a new life. My youngest son (of three) is nearly 10. I didn't know the sex of any of my boys prior to delivery (obviously, that is no longer the norm) and had small get togethers with close girlfriends with baby #2 and #3 and got onesies and toys and blankets, etc.

People have very different ideas of showers and gifts. I honestly don't know of anyone who had a shower to "furnish" a nursery. The majority of gifts given at showers in my circle are not more than $50. Not even my parents or in-laws gave $500-1000 gifts - wow! I realize I'm a bit anal but I didn't want anyone picking out or purchasing furniture, strollers, carseats, etc. for a child of mine.

Anyone ever catch the show Sweet 16 (maybe not the name) about the crazy-rich people throwing these elaborate affairs for their dd's 16th birthdays? I bet that crowd knows how to throw a baby shower!!

jmay127
04-17-2006, 11:34 PM
I am from the South, have always thought 2nd plus showers were tacky because as previous poster stated I always take a gift when visiting or sending if too far away (so I am celebrating the child's arrival), and was always told that family was not supposed to give any kind of shower.

So just my two cents from two different perspectives...

For DS1 I was given 2 showers - one at my work & one by best friend...
7 years later, different city, DH coworkers gave us a shower for DS2 (We did feel uncomfortable & we tried to decline but it was his boss hosting. I had also gotten rid of all baby items except crib as it was one of those beds that grow w/your child). My coworkers tried but I explained already had one for DS1 so they took me to lunch before I was due & gave me gifts with me thanking them & letting them know they had done too much already with just those gestures (hint, hint - not looking for a 2nd gift when visiting which they understood though still brought flowers).

Meanwhile an friend who I have contact with off/on has 5 kids & showers for all of them. I gave the one for her oldest. Then she had showers hosted by inlaws, church, etc with 2-5. I've been invited to all of them whether or not it was a time we were in contact or I lived nearby. I attended the 2nd one & still took another gift to the hospital, didn't go to the 3rd but sent a gift, & finally didn't go to the 4th/5th or send a gift as we had not even been in contact. Her 3 youngest are back to back & same sex & it felt like gift grabbing/double dipping because here you do not show up to visit w/o a gift. And your expected, and want, to visit.

I guess what I am saying goes w/Emily Post quote...a large time elapse (& not just to excuse myself) between babies or w/a different group of people but to keep after the same people whether or not you're still in contact seems a bit much...again just my opinion. :love:

Littlemotherhaywood
04-18-2006, 06:01 AM
Sorry, I haven't made it through the whole thread, but I wanted to add my input:) I never had a shower for my dd, but my mil and dh's aunt threw me a small shower for my son. I'm terribly awkward at receiving gifts, but it made me feel special all the same. I think showers are for celebrating the birth of a new baby and personally, I don't feel anyone should be expected to bring a gift, although that's the custom. I don't see any reason why a gathering of friends and family is a problem for every child. I agree that the woman in question probably has most everything she could need. We only needed a few things, but we didn't know what we were having and our dd was born in the winter, our son in the spring....so he obviously got new clothing (mostly yellow,lol). I also know that whether there is a shower or not, I will buy a gift for someone I know that is having a baby. Now I certainly didn't register as my shower was a surprise and I wouldn't have registered anyway even if I had known. The people that bother me are the people who expect gifts.

gris gris
04-18-2006, 08:26 AM
ITA!!

Please tell me how much is too much. No ONE on this thread wants to address the issue of selling all of the 1st childs belongings on EBAY. Guess what ? We have witnessed all of the shenanigans of selling and expecting others to AGAIN furnish for the nursery! Sorry, it is not going to happen. Sometimes ENOUGH really is enough. If a person needs to THINK about how many children they can comfortably afford without help from other people then IT's A GOOD THING!

I'm really surprised that some people are associating a baby shower with financially being able to support a child?? Come on...people are not asking others to financially support their children. It's a traditional event just like a bridal shower, a 16th birthday party, a baptism....And can you honestly tell me there is a time in everyone's life when they all of a sudden realize they can support a child????? If you're waiting for the "right time" to come along to have a baby and you think you can support it forever, you're never going to have a family. Jobs change, salaries change, people get laid off, etc.....

My point is - DH & I can support our family with no help. I'm not having a 2nd shower just because I really could care less about it. However having a 2nd shower should have nothing to do with your finances. It's a celebration. You have a birthday every year, right?? Many kids & adults expect a birthday present every year. But go ahead, I'm sure you'll tell me you don't expect a birthday present!

kpm76
04-18-2006, 08:45 AM
I'm really surprised that some people are associating a baby shower with financially being able to support a child?? Come on...people are not asking others to financially support their children. It's a traditional event just like a bridal shower, a 16th birthday party, a baptism....And can you honestly tell me there is a time in everyone's life when they all of a sudden realize they can support a child????? If you're waiting for the "right time" to come along to have a baby and you think you can support it forever, you're never going to have a family. Jobs change, salaries change, people get laid off, etc.....

My point is - DH & I can support our family with no help. I'm not having a 2nd shower just because I really could care less about it. However having a 2nd shower should have nothing to do with your finances. It's a celebration. You have a birthday every year, right?? Many kids & adults expect a birthday present every year. But go ahead, I'm sure you'll tell me you don't expect a birthday present!

While I understand what you are saying and much of what you say is absolutely true, the part that rubs me the wrong way is when people say "I really need a shower because I am having a girl this time and all I have are boy things" or something along those lines. It's the expectation that others should step up because of your needs and wants. Of course I expect a brithday present from my husband, parents and maybe siblings but I do not expect one every year from friends and other relatives. The point is that when someone close to you has a milestone event, you acknowledge it. But that does not mean I have to send baby gifts, wedding gifts, birthday gifts to everyone I know. As I mentioned in a previous post, I think some of us are comparing two different types of events. My idea of a shower is a big deal celebration where you invite lots of people, some of whom you see on a regular basis and some of whom you do not. That's just what a shower is around here and it's only for the first birth. If my friend has a baby and a few of us get together to take her out or have her over to one of our houses to celebrate, you bet I am going to "shower" her with gifts, whether it's her first or tenth baby. But I would not call that a shower...it's a get together.

kimbac3
04-18-2006, 08:51 AM
I've had one for each of my children. They are only three years apart. I didn't throw them, friends and family did. Actually I had 2 for my youngest, the church I was attending gave me one and family gave me one. They were surprises to me. I really think my family just loves babies. Having showers for every baby is pretty much the norm here. I don't mind. If I'm close enough to feel obligated to go tho the shower, chances are I would have bought the baby something anyway!
Kimba

dizagain
04-18-2006, 08:53 AM
She said if ever there was a time she needed a shower it would be now. My point was that if you're even thinking along those lines, perhaps you need to give some thought to the long term financial impact of having a child.


??? Sorry, that's stretching things a bit! I'm 37 and JOYFULLY expecting child #3 - a boy - 10 years after the youngest of two DD's was born.

Guess what I have in my baby storage...one box of special toys and books and one box of special clothing from DD's. That's it. If I had any of the "stuff" it probably wouldn't matter anyway because much of it would not be "safe" anymore. May I chime in and quote her? " If ever there was a time I need a shower it would be now!" Not because I haven't thought of the "long term financial impact of having a child"...we'll be fine, thanks. I think she was partly joking - don't think she expects the world to pay her child's expenses, but every little bit helps!

Am I having a shower? Not that I know of, but believe me both grandmoms are shopping already and I APPRECIATE it. I don't feel guilty about that at all! :)

babiesX2
04-18-2006, 08:57 AM
I've read many posts with something along the lines of "gifts aren't expected," "a shower is a celebration of new life," yada, yada, yada. . .

I peeked in my handy Webster's dictionary and shower is defined as "4. a party for the giving of gifts, as to a bride." It just isn't logical to me to have a "shower" but not expect gifts. :confused3 If you really don't expect gifts, and your true intent is to celebrate the new life then call it a "Birth Celebration Party" or something else along those lines. BTW, I buy gifts for 2nd and consecutive children thereafter. I just don't patronize the "shower."

I became fed up with the abuse of showersand such a few years ago when I was invited to a "housewarming" for an unmarried couple who got an apartment together. I have gotten invitations to showers for 2nd, 3rd, 4th babies from people who work in the same hospital as me that I don't even know. These people wouldn't know me if I jumped up in their face and said, "Boo!" I've received invitations to showers for 1st babies of people I don't even remember (my mom or sister will remind me of who they are). I get confused as to how they even got my address!

Registries are another annoyance with me. I've seen the pregnant women mowing people down to zap every bar code in sight with that stupid registry gun at Babies R Us and Target. Lydia's occupational therapist mentioned to me several times (she got married a few months ago) all the many places she was registered at for her wedding gifts. Is that really appropriate to be squeezing your patient's parents for wedding gifts? (BTW, we weren't invited to any of the 4 showers or the wedding.) It has all just gotten out of hand. Unfortunately, I've had to adopt a zero tolerance policy for abuses. I give gifts to very close friends, close co-workers of mine and dh's, and family no more distant than 3rd cousin. If I'm invited to a housewarming for a new home, I attend and take a gift. If I'm invited to a wedding, I do my best to attend and take a gift.

Now that all the above is off my chest, I have this to say. For a 2nd and consecutive children, a diapering shower is appropropriate. A pack of diapers can be purchased rather inexpensively. When my closest friend has her 2nd baby I plan to give a Diapering shower. She is a wise person and has saved all of her 1st sons things.

Added: Is is getting to be graduation season? How do you like getting graduation "invitations" from Great Aunt Thelma's 4th removed cousin's grandson? When we get those it feels like we just got the electric bill in the mail.

Belle5
04-18-2006, 09:14 AM
Now that all the above is off my chest, I have this to say. For a 2nd and consecutive children, a diapering shower is appropropriate. A pack of diapers can be purchased rather inexpensively. When my closest friend has her 2nd baby I plan to give a Diapering shower. She is a wise person and has saved all of her 1st sons things.



I hope you are not stating that a diapering shower is the only kind that is appropriate-- just that a diapering shower is the only kind YOU are comfortable with...

Sometimes "showers" or "get-togethers" (as some would prefer them to be called" are about giving/receiving sentimental keepsakes. A monagrammed blanket or stuffed toy would be an example. It's whatever those who care deeply about you and your child want to bless you with. I would never want to be "showered" by anyone who wasn't chomping at the bit to celebrate me and my new child.

taximomfor4
04-18-2006, 09:21 AM
I've read many posts with something along the lines of "gifts aren't expected," "a shower is a celebration of new life," yada, yada, yada. . .

I peeked in my handy Webster's dictionary and shower is defined as "4. a party for the giving of gifts, as to a bride." It just isn't logical to me to have a "shower" but not expect gifts. :confused3 If you really don't expect gifts, and your true intent is to celebrate the new life then call it a "Birth Celebration Party" or something else along those lines. BTW, I buy gifts for 2nd and consecutive children thereafter. I just don't patronize the "shower."

I became fed up with the abuse of showersand such a few years ago when I was invited to a "housewarming" for an unmarried couple who got an apartment together. I have gotten invitations to showers for 2nd, 3rd, 4th babies from people who work in the same hospital as me that I don't even know. These people wouldn't know me if I jumped up in their face and said, "Boo!" I've received invitations to showers for 1st babies of people I don't even remember (my mom or sister will remind me of who they are). I get confused as to how they even got my address!

Registries are another annoyance with me. I've seen the pregnant women mowing people down to zap every bar code in sight with that stupid registry gun at Babies R Us and Target. Lydia's occupational therapist mentioned to me several times (she got married a few months ago) all the many places she was registered at for her wedding gifts. Is that really appropriate to be squeezing your patient's parents for wedding gifts? (BTW, we weren't invited to any of the 4 showers or the wedding.) It has all just gotten out of hand. Unfortunately, I've had to adopt a zero tolerance policy for abuses. I give gifts to very close friends, close co-workers of mine and dh's, and family no more distant than 3rd cousin. If I'm invited to a housewarming for a new home, I attend and take a gift. If I'm invited to a wedding, I do my best to attend and take a gift.

Now that all the above is off my chest, I have this to say. For a 2nd and consecutive children, a diapering shower is appropropriate. A pack of diapers can be purchased rather inexpensively. When my closest friend has her 2nd baby I plan to give a Diapering shower. She is a wise person and has saved all of her 1st sons things.

Added: Is is getting to be graduation season? How do you like getting graduation "invitations" from Great Aunt Thelma's 4th removed cousin's grandson? When we get those it feels like we just got the electric bill in the mail.

I really do get what you are saying. I only agreed to allow my friend have a "shower" for my 4th if it was just a celebratory family cookout. Close friends and family, men, women, and children. Some of my close family members didn't come because they were appalled at the thought of a "shower" for a 4th child, even though my friend assured them that this was different. We had games for the kids to play, with prizes (not baby related at all), etc. Honestly, the fact that those family members boycotted the cookout was a bit hurtful, I wanted the cookout instead because I wanted the people I cared about to come and be happy with us. Gifts did not factor in, truly...I wanted the togetherness. Many people did not bring gifts...some brought a childrens book or a bag of diapers, some brought small, nice gifts. BTW, those who did not come did not send gifts either...which was just as well, since gifts were not what I wanted anyway...I had wanted the people to be there and have a blast with us.

So you are right, a "shower" doesn't have to be called a "shower." Call it whatever you want, but some people will still see it as a "shower" and boycott it on principle. It's there right, just wanted to make the point (not to any specific poster) that it is not always just begging for gifts. Sometimes it is just for the sake of celebrating.

babiesX2
04-18-2006, 09:26 AM
I hope you are not stating that a diapering shower is the only kind that is appropriate-- just that a diapering shower is the only kind YOU are comfortable with...

Sometimes "showers" or "get-togethers" (as some would prefer them to be called" are about giving/receiving sentimental keepsakes. A monagrammed blanket or stuffed toy would be an example. It's whatever those who care deeply about you and your child want to bless you with. I would never want to be "showered" by anyone who wasn't chomping at the bit to celebrate me and my new child.l

:sad2: Of course people can go beyond bringing diapers if they wish. By calling it a diapering, it lets people know that big gifts are not expected. That is what so many of us who have talked about the tackyness of 2nd and beyond showers are -- the expectation of gifts! The definition of shower is to be showered with gifts. It just isn't logical to have a "shower" but not expect presents.

I will say it again -- 2nd baby showers are INAPPROPRIATE. They are tacky. No matter how you twist it and bend it. Just because they are becoming more common now does not make them more appropriate. It simply means more people are doing it.

scraptoons
04-18-2006, 09:48 AM
Anything goes now days. I'm gen X in Texas. We don't have time to figure out the do's and don'ts of yesteryear. We do what best suits the community we live in.
Many people I know get several showers with just one baby (church, work, school, circle of friends)

I attend a loving, generous small church. The following happens to all the expecting, engaged, graduates, etc...

They gave me a HUGE shower when DD#1 was born.

When DD#2 was born they wanted to do another. I refused, since I barely got to use all the cute stuff from the first go around. They grow too fast!

We compromised with a money tree and gathering for the whole congregation. The men were thrilled to have cake and coffee and talk. (They talk just as much as the women folk, too many fish stories).

Then I was done having kids. I gave a lot of my baby stuff to others in the church. There is quite a few young families and we swap all the time! No telling how many babies some of the stuff has been through. And maternity clothes too.

Surprise! DS was on the way.

The church gave me another shower since this was the first boy. I insisted it not be a big one, and they gave me a nice small one this time.

It's been three years. I'll probably never be "showered" again. Now I play hostess many more times than I've been guest of honor.

It's so much joy to watch people be showered with an outpouring of love from these folks. And they are just average lower to middle class people too!

84disney
04-18-2006, 09:57 AM
AMEN!!!!!!!! Scraptoons! :goodvibes To give these celebration showers has been a great blessing in my life! When I was on the receiving end of those those showers I was humbled and blessed :grouphug: ! No one was wealthy in my crowd, either, just happy and loving. I feel even more blessed after reading these comments. I just did not know pwople could be so critical, or if people are as grabby as some say...WOW!

scraptoons
04-18-2006, 10:06 AM
Whoa!

I just saw some pretty strong opinions on this subject.

I know how it feels to get invitations and stuff for people I hardly know, or don't particularly feel close to.
I don't understand why people feel like they have to respond to everything. The parties (or whatever you want to call them) are just opportunities that these people want to extend to you.
Most of the time its a way of letting you know of their special events in life.

I just don't go to them all. We send a card, or just simply tell them congrats and express our joy for them.

Everyone around here knows that you can't go to everything, or simply afford to buy or give money.
There is no police that will come arrest you if you don't give a gift or attend.

You have a right to choose how to use your time and money. If those people hold a grudge, it's not worth stressing over their feelings. Sometimes these people are not happy unless they have a grudge (I've known a few).

Lots of times I'd say, I'm sorry, but we are unable to get you anything at this time. Most of the time they laugh it off and say they didn't expect it.

Half the time these same people have turned down many invitations and gift giving opportunities themselves. It's life. :)

4greatboys
04-18-2006, 10:48 AM
I'm really surprised that some people are associating a baby shower with financially being able to support a child?? Come on...people are not asking others to financially support their children. It's a traditional event just like a bridal shower, a 16th birthday party, a baptism....And can you honestly tell me there is a time in everyone's life when they all of a sudden realize they can support a child????? If you're waiting for the "right time" to come along to have a baby and you think you can support it forever, you're never going to have a family. Jobs change, salaries change, people get laid off, etc.....

My point is - DH & I can support our family with no help. I'm not having a 2nd shower just because I really could care less about it. However having a 2nd shower should have nothing to do with your finances. It's a celebration. You have a birthday every year, right?? Many kids & adults expect a birthday present every year. But go ahead, I'm sure you'll tell me you don't expect a birthday present!

Thanks...thats what I wanted to say but you said it so much better.

ckoncurat
04-18-2006, 11:36 AM
Depends on what kind of shower. In my area, a baby shower is when a group of FREINDS get together, in someones HOUSE, to enjoy snacks and celebrate the mom. I think thats appropriate for any baby, as long as someone wants to throw it. If you are talking about a formal, catered affair with real invitations and lots of people invited, then more than one for the same sex baby is a little tacky. In general, I don't think anyone should feel obligated to go to a baby shower unless you are a close friend of the new mother or the hostess.

texasthree
04-18-2006, 11:43 AM
I have been invited to a lot of 2nd baby showers lately. I think its very rude myself. If your having a baby, even years apart, the responsibility to buy the items you need is yours. If close family members want to buy you a gift, thats wonderful and thoughtful but shouldnt be expected. When and if we are able to have another baby our children will be years apart and I have given away all of his baby items. I will be purchasing all new ones myself.

Mickey Fanatic
04-18-2006, 12:02 PM
please delete double post

Mickey Fanatic
04-18-2006, 12:03 PM
I have never heard of having a baby shower for a second baby. I always thought that it wasn't done! My sister is pregnant with her third and we only had a shower for her first. I do buy gifts after the baby is born but it is my niece or nephew, that's my choice (not always DH's). None of DHs relatives have had second baby showers either. There is a lot of passing things around though! :goodvibes

In our exended family we use a baby as an excuse to get together! It is a day to catch up and introduce the newest member of the family to their aunts, uncles and cousins. Gifts are not expected.

fancythemouse
04-18-2006, 12:05 PM
Oh wow, thats wierd we always have a baby shower for an expecting mom in our family, no matter if its their first or 5th.

fancythemouse
04-18-2006, 12:07 PM
but then again the baby showers were always a surprise of the expectant mother, given by their mother or sister or other female relative.

ameraumi
04-18-2006, 12:48 PM
I do not know why people get their undies in a bunch over a 2nd or 3rd baby shower. :confused3 If you do not like the thought of it, do not go!

I was given a shower for my 2nd baby. This was DH's & mine 1st, plus there are 8 yrs in between the two kiddos. I didn't give it another thought as it not being PC. Oh well to each their own.

marcyinPA
04-18-2006, 01:06 PM
I've been to a few 2nd and 3rd showers in my circle of friends. I'm pretty indifferent about them. I know that Miss Manners would say "tacky", but I'd assume that the pregnant woman never throws herself a shower...that the shower is thrown for her by friends/family. I figure if someone wants to do something nice like that for someone else, than so be it!

I have two boys, 4 years apart. My best friend threw me a "Welcome Baby" party when my 2nd DS was born. He was about a month old when the party was given, and a few close friends and family members attended. I had requested "NO GIFT" but I did state that diapers were always needed and welcomed. I received many packages of Pampers that day, along with a few gifts from people who I guess just really wanted to spoil us with something nice. It was a low key event, mainly given for people to meet our new addition. I thought it was really nice!!

kizmac
04-18-2006, 01:22 PM
I do not know why people get their undies in a bunch over a 2nd or 3rd baby shower. :confused3 If you do not like the thought of it, do not go!

I was given a shower for my 2nd baby. This was DH's & mine 1st, plus there are 8 yrs in between the two kiddos. I didn't give it another thought as it not being PC. Oh well to each their own.


I don't think anyone is getting their undies in a bunch over it. :confused3 The OP asked peoples opinion on the topic of second, third, etc...baby showers and people are responding. I highly doubt anyone really sits around dwelling on the issue and I'm sure the ones that don't think they are appropriate don't go.

Obviously, situations are different for everyone so there are exceptions. I've been invited to wedding showers for people I didn't even know! Tacky...yes. It is those situations that are extremely tacky and purely people being "gift grabby" Those are mostly what we are talking about being tacky. Not the close gathering of a small circle of friends giving gifts to the mothers to be that would likely give a gift even without the baby shower. It's the ones that great Aunts and 4th cousins and a daughters of a friend that have a shower for every baby and invites you each time that most are talking about.

FionaLovesShrek
04-18-2006, 01:27 PM
I think this is hugely tacky! A baby isn't an excuse to grab for "stuff", and the baby doesn't care if they have new things. Since when are "new" things required for a normal life event?

Every baby should be celebrated, but not with a shower after the first. I'm even iffy on showers on babies spaced far apart. One is the most I'd ever do for anyone.

I like you!!!! We had a lady at church they had a shower for, it was her 4th child, and it had been 5 years since her last child. I though ok. Then the same lady gets pregnant with her 5th child and she hints she needs another shower cause this ones a girl. So they had another shower. Because of my position I had to attend :furious:

DisneyPhD
04-18-2006, 01:55 PM
Where I come from a 2nd shower for 2nd or more child just isn't done. (unless there are "other circumstances" different father, more then 5 years apart, or more then 3 kids and gave all the other stuff away.)

Having said that I have 2 girls 3 1/2 year apart. I didn't want a 2nd shower, I do think it is tacky, I would be embaresed to have one.

However when I was around 8 months pregnant I did feel a little sad that we didn't have any celebration for the baby with friends. It pretty much goes unnoticed. My 1st baby my in laws cried when we told I was pregnant, my 2nd my family was like "but you are still going back to school right???" (um, just so you know I have a 2 college degrees already, a BSW and a MSW, I was considering finishing a 2nd bachlors degree in Sign Lanuage, I am a few credits short of it.) The only person who was truely excited for us was my best friend (who then became pregnant with her 2nd child 4 week later, I was the only one who was super excited for her too.)

I do think a baby shower invite does come with the assumtion you bring a gift unless other wise stated.

I kind of wish we had a "baby coming BBQ anti shower" at our house our something like that (that we paid for, I wouldn't want family to be feel they should pay for it.) Just everyone in the back yard to say "gee you look good no mater how big you get" type of thing. No gifts, just friends and family getting together. Our house was under construction so we didn't, just I feel a little bad our 2nd child really is the "Low man on the toodom pole." However she doesn't mind and is the most relaxed laid back kid ever. I guess all the lack of fuss over her has some good aspects too. :goodvibes

84disney
04-18-2006, 02:29 PM
I guess I really am different. I tend to believe people send invites because they may be afraid to hurt feelings or something even better...like they like you :goodvibes . I could never KNOW someone was being "grabby" because they sent me an invite. I have had my feeling a little hurt when I did not get an invitation. But I just realized they might have been afraid of looking like they were "grabby!" I just don't understand how you know what feelings are behind every invitation. I just can't think of anyone I have known that I would classify as "grabby." If i did not want to go, which RARELY happens, or if I can't go, tha tis fine. I am usually very excited to go and visit and celebrate!!

kpm76
04-18-2006, 02:41 PM
One of the issues going on here is that we are looking for one answer to a question that has multiple outcomes. Some of us live in urban settings, some in rural where traditions may be different depending on location; some of us have very large families, thus an abundance of obligations, while some have small families and welcome more invitations to events. Some of us have very active church groups where having showers etc. is a tradition, while others do not belong to such organizations. I've learned alot by reading many of the responses. Some have suggested just declining an invitation but sometimes that is not possible....it's an obligation. Right or wrong, that's just how it is. I guess we just have to agree to disagree on whether it's tacky or not to have multiple showers.

MissKIA
04-18-2006, 02:51 PM
You wanna hear tacky? We were sent an invitation by the parents for their third child's christening recently. On the bottom of the invitation said "Presentation only please". Which where we come from means they want money. ONLY. :sad2:

As far as the baby shower thing goes, I only had one for my first child and that is the way we do it in our family. I could see though if someone had a baby years later it might be acceptable. However whenever a baby is born, first, second, third, tenth we always go to the hospital with a gift, so it's not really necessary for another shower.

On the topics of weddings, well my husband and I have been married two years now. I was divorced and he was a widower. After my divorce I was left with virtually nothing and my present husband didn't really have a whole lot either and what he did have was pretty old and falling apart. My best friend threw a jack and jill house party/shower type thing for us (close friends and family only!). I felt a little awkward about it, but she insisted. We didn't expect gifts, but we sure did appreciate the ones we got! And we also had a great time too!

jessica52877
04-18-2006, 05:43 PM
I think it is common now a days for most people to have a shower for each child. I find the whole thing tacky. As in, I feel like people invite others just to get gifts therefore I didn't have one for my son. That is a personal feeling and maybe because I have known too many who told me straight out that is why they were having one. Just my thoughts. I am really old fashioned, so two would be out of the question!

ceiligh1
04-18-2006, 06:22 PM
When I got married I didnít have a bridal shower, while it was my first wedding I didnít want to seem like I was asking for gifts. I asked my bridesmaids not to have one for me. Since that time I have discovered that at least for my family and friends the "showers" are not for the giving of gifts. I feel that if a person feels the need to go to a shower and bring a gift, then typically that gift would be given anyway, shower or not. Instead, at least for all of us, they are for celebration of the person or people involved. It is a celebration of that special point in their life, not a way of trying to garner as many gifts as possible. I guess I think that if a second shower is a way of trying to get "extra" gifts then why would the first not be seen in the same way. Why does having a kid already make a difference, if it is need based then who is to say they donít need even more help with two kids instead of one? Some of my closest family and friends were very disappointed not to be able to have had that with my DH and me at our wedding.

This reminded me of an older girl in my church who became pregnant in high school. She was giving the baby up for adoption but we had a shower for her anyway. We all brought her things to take care of her, celebrate the person she was, and support her in this time in her life. We wanted to pamper her a bit. I would hate to think that she could never have another shower to celebrate another future baby with friends and family.

I did not read all the posts and it seems like there are strong feelings on either side of the issue. This is just how it worked out for us, our family and friends.

Lisa loves Pooh
04-19-2006, 06:36 AM
:sad2: Of course people can go beyond bringing diapers if they wish. By calling it a diapering, it lets people know that big gifts are not expected.

I will say it again -- 2nd baby showers are INAPPROPRIATE. They are tacky. No matter how you twist it and bend it. Just because they are becoming more common now does not make them more appropriate. It simply means more people are doing it.


Emily Post disagrees as was posted a few pages ago.

Whether you think they are tacky or inappropriate doesn't really matter. It does not violate the rules of etiquette as many posters have tried to point out.

keagansmom
04-19-2006, 07:58 AM
I personally don't have a problem with it. I think every child should be celebrated! However, there's any easy solution if you're offended--don't go. We have done some interesting showers for 2nd and 3rd babies with my friends such as doing a diaper shower- where everyone brings diapers only- Somehting you need with every baby. We've also done a quilt shower where the guest decorate a piece of fabric at the shower (luckily my cousin quilts and then she makes the quilt)-- it makes a unique keepsake for each child-- no one brings gifts, just decorates the quilt. We've also done a room decorating shower-- no one brings gifts but we all show up for a day to help the new parents paint, put together the furniture, etc... So, you can do a lot of things to celebrate the new baby without it being the traditional everyone bring a gift thing.

CheapMom
04-19-2006, 08:20 AM
You wanna hear tacky? We were sent an invitation by the parents for their third child's christening recently. On the bottom of the invitation said "Presentation only please". Which where we come from means they want money. ONLY. :sad2:


I sent out the invitations for my children's christenings. I don't think it was tacky of me. I know with my first child we said "no gifts" because she was only 2 months old and we were still reeling from all of the newborn/birthday gifts. A lot of people still brought gifts anyway.
I think with my next 2 children I didn't say anything about gifts on the invite. The guest list for all 3 occasions consisted 100% of close family and friends.

As for the baby shower thing- I think if somebody wants to do a nice thing and have a shower for a second or third or 8th baby- and they want to invite me- I'll be there- I love a happy occasion.

MissKIA
04-19-2006, 09:19 AM
[QUOTE=CheapMom]I sent out the invitations for my children's christenings. I don't think it was tacky of me. [QUOTE]

I wasn't implying that it was tacky for the parents to send out the invitations, I was implying that it was tacky for them to basically tell us they don't want our gifts, only our money.

madge
04-19-2006, 11:21 AM
This is sort of budget related. I have a dear friend whom I've known for 23 years. She has one daughter, and when I met this friend the daughter was 2. She is now 25. This daughter had her first child 2 years ago, my friend's first grandchild, a girl. I went in with 2 other people and gave a VERY NICE baby shower. It was at a restaurant where we had a private room and were served dessert and coffee. Over 30 ladies attended.

It's now 2 years later, and this daughter is having her second child (another girl) in about 6 weeks. On Friday I received an invitation to a baby shower for this baby!!!! I was shocked. This is a first for me.

I spoke to another friend over the weekend about this. This friend is actually cousins with the other friend. I asked her what was going on and she said, "oh, you know how girls are these days, that seems to be the thing they do now." WHAT? So that makes it okay??? Isn't it our job as the "older generation" to teach them that's NOT the thing to do?

Am I being unreasonable? I actually have already bought a gift for this baby, as I would give a gift whether or not there is a shower, as this is the second grandchild to my dear friend, and I am close to them all. I will just give that gift at the shower. Despite the fact that she is registered at Target!

But I just find the whole second baby SHOWER thing tacky. She should have all the "basics" as she has a girl already that is only 2. The stuff shouldn't be worn out. I have not spoken to the friend herself yet. But I would be embarrased to have MY friends invited to another shower for my child's second baby. I don't have children of my own, but that's how I would feel. Did I miss something? Is this now okay and my feelings are unjustified?

I had 2 baby showers. One for my first, and one for my third...

I did not choose to have a second shower. In fact, I asked the people that hosted it NOT to have one but they didn't listen :rolleyes: My situation was very different than the OP, though. My first child (a son) was born in 1989... we had the big shower. It was lovely :) I had our second son in 1995 and used the same crib, etc that I did with the first. After 2 boys, most of our things had taken quite a beating and we had no plans for a third baby, so we gave/donated pretty much everything away. It won't take a rocket scientist to figure out what happens next... I got pregnant again, and baby number 3 was born in 2001 princess: In the years between 1995-2001, we had developed many friendships, joined a church, etc. None of these people knew us during the first 2 pregancies and wanted to celebrate our daughter's birth. We had to start from scratch with the bed, stroller, clothes, etc. Our friends told us they were buying us gifts (shower or not) and it was be helpful if they knew what to buy, LOL. Shower #2 was given in the spirit of love and friendship, and I will cherish that always. We are blessed with good friends.

I am still not a fan of the 2nd shower, LOL. Especially in this situation. If I were the mom-to-be with 2 little ones, I'd rather my friends bring meals or babysit the older child instead of buying more stuff. JMO.

Belle5
04-19-2006, 12:59 PM
Originally posted by Keagansmom--We've also done a quilt shower where the guest decorate a piece of fabric at the shower (luckily my cousin quilts and then she makes the quilt)-- it makes a unique keepsake for each child-- no one brings gifts, just decorates the quilt.--


I LOVE this idea...

salmoneous
04-19-2006, 01:53 PM
Every now and then a thread comes along that just blows my mind. Somehow I've made it through 39 years of life without once hearing that you are only supposed to have a shower for a first baby. Or that anyone could be offended being invited to a shower. I've heard of people being offended for *not* being invited, but never the other way around.

Most women I know love love love baby showers. What's better than an excuse to get together, eat cake, and talk about babies? They like going out and buying baby gifts. <baby voice>look at these socks - they're soooo cute</voice>.

Now there are folks who aren't into the whole baby shower thing, but they aren't into any showers, no matter which kid it is.

Learn something new every day I guess.

rdevine10
04-19-2006, 02:41 PM
I really do not believe in 2nd plus showers, but I DO believe in celebrations of life for subsequent children.

For my 1st baby (2003), I had a huge shower. About 75 people. It was terrific. Not only did we get a ton of stuff we needed, but it was one of the few good moments of a very high risk pregnancy that involved multiple hospital stays, a home nurse and lots of bedrest.

Fastforward to 2005 when I was prego with my 2nd baby (another girl), and I had an equally miserable pregnancy. Except this was after loosing my 2nd baby due to medical reasons. My family threw me what I call A celebration of life. It was a small lunch with a few very close friends and immediate family members. Maybe it was 10 to 12 people. I didnt want gifts, but they all brought them. It was truly a WODNERFUL time. And, then the Moms of my playgroup threw me a diaper shower. My 2nd little girl made it here, but arrived 6 weeks early. Im happy to report she is healthy!

So, I guess I technically had 2 showers for my 2nd and only 1 for my 1st.

Each baby deserves to be celebrated. It doesnt have to be a shower, but just a get together of friends to celebrate the baby! IMO, gifts are optional after the 1st baby, but, I personally always give again.

I do think its tacky to have huge showers for subsequent kids and register for them too. (Of course there are a few exceptions for this.... already noted in the many posts already made).

So- I would think its tacky if my cousin twice over invited me to a 2nd baby shower, but think its perfectly fine for say my SIL, if that makes any sense.

jennifer293
04-19-2006, 03:47 PM
I guess I really am different. I tend to believe people send invites because they may be afraid to hurt feelings or something even better...like they like you :goodvibes . I could never KNOW someone was being "grabby" because they sent me an invite. I have had my feeling a little hurt when I did not get an invitation. But I just realized they might have been afraid of looking like they were "grabby!" I just don't understand how you know what feelings are behind every invitation. I just can't think of anyone I have known that I would classify as "grabby." If i did not want to go, which RARELY happens, or if I can't go, tha tis fine. I am usually very excited to go and visit and celebrate!!


I know what you mean here. We invite people to things because we want to see them also because if we don't we hear about it a few months down the road that we must not have wanted them there because they were not invited. One of Dh's cousins had a birthday party for his son, and only those who had children his age got invited (we got one) well once the other relatives found out that we had got invited but they didn't they were so upset. I tried to explain that they only sent invites to those with children and they just could not understand why??? SO at every event at our house I invite the WHOLE family and friends which is about 60 people in my house. If they don't show I don't get upset (I am actually a bit relieved) but at least they cannot say they were not invited.

NotUrsula
04-19-2006, 04:21 PM
Originally posted by salmoneous: Most women I know love love love baby showers. What's better than an excuse to get together, eat cake, and talk about babies? They like going out and buying baby gifts. <baby voice>look at these socks - they're soooo cute</voice>.

Root canal, maybe? Perhaps I'm the most unnatural woman alive, but if I never get invited to another baby shower it will be too soon. I was given a surprise shower at work when DS was born -- I assure you that surprising me was the only way they could have gotten me to attend the thing.

I don't go to showers of any kind. I send a nice gift on whatever occasion it is, but shower games and the whole "pass the gift around the circle so we can all see just who spent what" thing are my personal definitions of the 9th circle of Hell. No thank you.

Besides a gift for the baby, I always provide a gift for the parents: A full dinner, delivered, on the first day that Dad goes back to work.

babiesX2
04-19-2006, 04:59 PM
Root canal, maybe? Perhaps I'm the most unnatural woman alive, but if I never get invited to another baby shower it will be too soon. I was given a surprise shower at work when DS was born -- I assure you that surprising me was the only way they could have gotten me to attend the thing.

I don't go to showers of any kind. I send a nice gift on whatever occasion it is, but shower games and the whole "pass the gift around the circle so we can all see just who spent what" thing are my personal definitions of the 9th circle of Hell. No thank you.

Besides a gift for the baby, I always provide a gift for the parents: A full dinner, delivered, on the first day that Dad goes back to work.

::yes:: You had the bravery to say what I have been afraid to say. I particularly agree with "pass the gift around the circle so we can all see just who spent what." I guess I'm an unnatural woman, too. :crazy:

Lisa loves Pooh
04-19-2006, 06:55 PM
::yes:: You had the bravery to say what I have been afraid to say. I particularly agree with "pass the gift around the circle so we can all see just who spent what." I guess I'm an unnatural woman, too. :crazy:


I guess I do not understand this. My husband's family was raised like this. They do it at b-days, Christmas time whatever.

Call me nosy--I LOVE to see what kinds of other stuff the celebrant got.


I find it how amazing how everyone ties all of this to materialism.


I"m not without my :confused3 's either. I find Christmas time absolutely crazy. Why don't we just all spend money on ourselves and get something absolutely AWESOME--rather than trade with X number of people $X gifts.

MemoryMakers2669
04-19-2006, 07:09 PM
I am 37 and have two kids (2 and 5) and had showers for both. Here (where I live) it is COMPLETELY normal to have a shower for each child.....even number 3, 4, 5. For dd #2 it was for things we needed, just like with dd#1. It was much smaller and close friends. I have only heard from one person that it is "wrong" to shower each child.

I believe each child is worth it though and should be celebrated.

CheapMom
04-19-2006, 07:50 PM
I never thought about it as a way for people to see who spent what... but it is the lamest thing- I mean are we really supposed to feign interest in every godforsaken onesie or teddy bear that comes around the circle. I could do without that tradition.

84disney
04-19-2006, 08:47 PM
I absolutely can't believe that you KNOW the gifts are passed around to see how much money people spent :confused3 ! What a sad thing. I can understand if you just don't like to see baby things, or toys; I'm sure I would not care to view tools or stereo stuff, but I would never be SURE that we were all sitting around guessing the money spent!!

tfiga
04-19-2006, 10:21 PM
I think 2nd showers is tacky. If friends or family want to give gifts that is fine, but having a shower is basically asking for presents... As a side note I have a story that will redefine tacky... My babysitter watches children for another family the mother had a shower for the all of the children, bad enough in my book as all 3 of the children are less than 18 mos apart, but she actually registered for items for the older children... We know this because the oldest a girl was 2.5, the next a boy that was 1 and she was having another boy and there were girls clothes in a size 3 on her registry.

Limmer
04-20-2006, 07:37 AM
I am pregnant with #2 and I will not be having a shower. My DMIL has already mentioned it and I said I don't want it and would not attend.

I was a little suprised at how many times I read "they don't have anything left" or "the baby deserves new". Isn't that my responsibility as the parent, not my friends and family?

I also was suprised to hear "this baby deserves to be celebrated". OF COURSE IT DOES! That does not mean cake and punch and gifts. That could mean a party, a small get together, a christening; why does it have to mean a shower? The term shower implies gifts. That is not for the child that has not even arrived yet or the newborn that doesn't have a clue what is going on.

mom2my3kids
04-20-2006, 07:50 AM
I had a big baby shower when I had my daughter 12 years ago. With my second child 4 years later I did not have another shower. I thought I was done having babies and got rid of all of my baby things. Five years later I got pregnant with my youngest son. There was almost 10 years difference between my oldest and youngest and almost 6 years between the two boys. My friends from work threw me a baby shower and I got a lot of nice things, friends and family brought me things for the baby later on. So I would not mind going to a shower in a case like this.

kizmac
04-20-2006, 07:51 AM
I think 2nd showers is tacky. If friends or family want to give gifts that is fine, but having a shower is basically asking for presents... As a side note I have a story that will redefine tacky... My babysitter watches children for another family the mother had a shower for the all of the children, bad enough in my book as all 3 of the children are less than 18 mos apart, but she actually registered for items for the older children... We know this because the oldest a girl was 2.5, the next a boy that was 1 and she was having another boy and there were girls clothes in a size 3 on her registry.


OMG! Now that takes the prize. That has to be the most TACKY shower story yet.

kpm76
04-20-2006, 08:43 AM
I am pregnant with #2 and I will not be having a shower. My DMIL has already mentioned it and I said I don't want it and would not attend.

I was a little suprised at how many times I read "they don't have anything left" or "the baby deserves new". Isn't that my responsibility as the parent, not my friends and family?

I also was suprised to hear "this baby deserves to be celebrated". OF COURSE IT DOES! That does not mean cake and punch and gifts. That could mean a party, a small get together, a christening; why does it have to mean a shower? The term shower implies gifts. That is not for the child that has not even arrived yet or the newborn that doesn't have a clue what is going on.

Very well said!! I agree with you 100% :thumbsup2

DisneyPhD
04-20-2006, 08:51 AM
I had a big baby shower when I had my daughter 12 years ago. With my second child 4 years later I did not have another shower. I thought I was done having babies and got rid of all of my baby things. Five years later I got pregnant with my youngest son. There was almost 10 years difference between my oldest and youngest and almost 6 years between the two boys. My friends from work threw me a baby shower and I got a lot of nice things, friends and family brought me things for the baby later on. So I would not mind going to a shower in a case like this.


I think that situation is rather normal for 2nd showers. I have been to a few like that and I diddn't feel it was tacky at all. My mom said 35 yerars ago they did have a shower for me (I was her 4th child and they were all over 6 years older then me, she had given away or broken all the other baby things.) We also were attending a new chruch, so none of the people there had already given her a baby gift.

I find it suprizing how many people think a tradtional showers for a 2nd child close to the 1st in age is normal. It just isn't done around here. Most of my friend have 2 kids or more, never been to one, invited to one or even heard of one.

I was talking it over with my best friend (the only was one that was excited when I 1st got pregnant with my 2nd child) I was saying how I didn't miss the gifts, but I missed the celebration with my 2nd and she didn't have a shower, but a family get together for the baby. Every one had to paint a self portrit of hang on the babies wall. It was really cute and good way to get together and welcome the new baby with out the tradtional "shower of gifts."

DVC Sadie
04-20-2006, 09:31 AM
I am pregnant with #2 and I will not be having a shower. My DMIL has already mentioned it and I said I don't want it and would not attend.

I was a little suprised at how many times I read "they don't have anything left" or "the baby deserves new". Isn't that my responsibility as the parent, not my friends and family?

I also was suprised to hear "this baby deserves to be celebrated". OF COURSE IT DOES! That does not mean cake and punch and gifts. That could mean a party, a small get together, a christening; why does it have to mean a shower? The term shower implies gifts. That is not for the child that has not even arrived yet or the newborn that doesn't have a clue what is going on.


Great post and ITA! :thumbsup2

What irritates me is when other posters keep trying to say that I don't want to celebrate a birth. I love celebrating all births by visiting and bringing a gift and having a meal delivered whether they live nearby or out of town.

TinkerbellMama
04-20-2006, 09:40 AM
But I would be embarrased to have MY friends invited to another shower for my child's second baby. I don't have children of my own, but that's how I would feel. Did I miss something? Is this now okay and my feelings are unjustified?

I don't think your feelings are "unjustified"...they are YOUR feelings, after all! I completely understand that conventional etiquette strictly prohibits a second baby shower, and some people will be shocked, offended, and upset if they are invited to a shower for a 2nd (or 3rd, or 4th...) baby. However, as much as I love tradition and respect civility, I have to think that showers for subsequent babies are thrown more out of love and excitement than greed. Maybe others won't see it that way. I have just one child at present. I will probably have more in the future. I know FOR A FACT that another shower will be thrown for us if/when that blessed event should occur. Perhaps it won't be the gift-giving fiesta the first THREE showers were (yes, we had 3...one in each of three states, since we were planning to travel to visit relatives and some of them have health/financial problems and could not come to us), but there will be a party, nonetheless! I would like to think I could exert SOME influence over the way it's conducted, however. Maybe something fun like a scrapbooking party where everyone brings supplies and/or a pre-made page to add to a nice book for the new baby? I only know that I don't have it in me to deny my family and friends the JOY (yes, they enjoy it!) of planning a celebration for us at a time like that. Personally, I find engagement parties, bridal showers, and then a wedding on top of it to be more overkill than a 2nd baby shower (especially if one knows one is having a child of the opposite sex, or there have been many years passed since the first baby), although THOSE duplicate gift-giving occasions are "kosher". JMO. But no, I don't think the OP's feelings are out of line. Don't go, don't send a gift...do what you feel is appropriate. Personally, I would never just "ignore" the invitation and I'd go happily and take a nice gift, because the entire point of such an event (in my mind) is to share the love, NOT the money. Again, JMO!

MemoryMakers2669
04-20-2006, 10:35 AM
Well said TinkerbellMama! Your thoughts on the wedding being overkill is so right on. All those events are for showering the couple with all the things they need, to start their lives together. I know when I had my second child 3.5 years after my first, we were in MORE need then than we were with our first. They were born in opposite seasons, so we had NO clothing at all for her. Sure, we had the crib and equipment still, but clothing costs and we got tons of it for her, which was so appreciated. I was about to become a SAHM and missing that very nice salary was going to put a hurting on us. Just can't see what is so wrong with having the second shower myself really, in most circumstances.

I do have a friend though, VERY well off, had four kids in under 5 years and had showers for each, registered for each (as she just couldn't use that same bouncy seat again! :sad2: )....so I don't think they are always warranted! But, it isn't my place to say and if I feel a mother shouldn't be having another one, I just won't go!

84disney
04-20-2006, 11:14 AM
If you want to "celebrate" a birth by delivering a gift, dinner, and congrats, that is your choice :thumbsup2 . Would you begrudge someone who wanted to "celebrate" a different way the chance to get some friends of the mother- to-be and or her family together and have some pot luck dinner or cake and fellowship time? WHY is your way NOT tacky, and any other way defined as tacky? It seems like some of you know everyone's motives are greed and attention getting :confused3 . I just plain ole dissagree. If someone made the mistake of inviting someone who did not want to come, the invitee can decline...no hard feelings. At least from where I stand! Like I have posted before, people are different, and some are not having these multiple showers for the reasons some of you have seen or believed. That is where the differences are...I think :goodvibes

DVC Sadie
04-20-2006, 11:52 AM
If you want to "celebrate" a birth by delivering a gift, dinner, and congrats, that is your choice :thumbsup2 . Would you begrudge someone who wanted to "celebrate" a different way the chance to get some friends of the mother- to-be and or her family together and have some pot luck dinner or cake and fellowship time? WHY is your way NOT tacky, and any other way defined as tacky? It seems like some of you know everyone's motives are greed and attention getting :confused3 . I just plain ole dissagree. If someone made the mistake of inviting someone who did not want to come, the invitee can decline...no hard feelings. At least from where I stand! Like I have posted before, people are different, and some are not having these multiple showers for the reasons some of you have seen or believed. That is where the differences are...I think :goodvibes


No, I wouldn't begrudge anyone for having a 2nd "Shower" for child #2, 3, etc... but I would still give just a gift and have a meal delivered. Of course the 1st "Shower gift I give is a lot more towards outfitting the nursery where as the other children get different types of gifts. I just don't see how that is so hard for others to comprehend. :confused3 Just the mention of the word "Shower" indicates a lot more than adorable outfits or diapers. Showers are usually not for the babies per say but to help the parents furnish a nursery. Other items that are not included for nursuries are strollers, car seats etc....


Granted it only happened once so far but I have seen where a "shower" gift was sold on e-bay and they had another shower for their 2nd child to replace everything from the first child. Needless to say not too many people showed up.

Belle5
04-20-2006, 03:31 PM
Showers are usually not for the babies per say but to help the parents furnish a nursery. Other items that are not included for nursuries are strollers, car seats etc.... Originally posted by DVC Sadie


That must be a regional thing. I have had 6 showers (I forgot one church shower in a previous post) and I have never been given the types of items you are describing. Even on my first-born's showers I recieved nothing like you mentioned. We bought all of our nursery items ourself. That was when we were living in Arizona. My sister gave me an inexpensive stroller for my first-born and that was the only item of that type given. I was given mostly clothing at every shower I have been given. (Baby books, small toys...)

Honestly, I might have some resentment toward showers if they were all of the kind DVC Sadie is mentioning. (Add to that, getting invitations from long-lost friends and relatives.)

Becky2005
04-20-2006, 06:13 PM
Showers are usually not for the babies per say but to help the parents furnish a nursery. Other items that are not included for nursuries are strollers, car seats etc.... Originally posted by DVC Sadie


That must be a regional thing.

I agree because I had no idea that "shower" meant it was to help furnish the nursery. Apparently no one else in my family knows that either since I have never been at a shower where all they ever got was nursery stuff (i.e. crib, rocker, dresser & possibly a changing table - which is basically all you need). I honestly can't remember being at a shower where *any* of that type of furniture was a gift at all. It's actually the first time I've heard that is what that word implies on an invitation. We always thought of it is "shower them with happiness/good feelings/love/good wishes - whatever feeling you want to add to it".

ALL the showers I have been at have always been mostly the smaller stuff, diapers, wipes, rattles, soaps, shampoo, outfits, baby toys, piggy banks, baby books, blankets, onesies, bibs, bottles, etc... The big things if there are any is possibly a car seat or stroller and those are usually only from the close relatives or a group gift.

It's been an interesting thread. I have come from the school you invite everyone, if you want to or not :goodvibes , so as to not cause any family rifts. If they want to come great, if they don't that's OK too at least you invited them. We have had so many things throughout the years with "this person isn't talking to that person because they weren't invited to some get-together that this other person WAS invited to" - and that's just the aunts & uncles, so my mom has always been the kind of "invite everyone, the more the merrier, if they want to come wonderful, if not then that's OK too". It has saved us from being involved in 99% of the "I'm not talking to you" situations. I would hope, if they didn't want to come they would just say "sorry can't come" and that would be the end of it, no hard feelings on anyone's part but alas, you can't win. Apparently, you are going to offend someone any way you do it, some people by being invited and others by not.

kimberh
04-20-2006, 06:55 PM
My dear niece had her first child, a girl, no problems different state ,different church ,different friends. Her second baby girl was born at 6 1/2 months lungs undeveloped and she lived few minutes. A few years later they decide to try again, new state, new church, new friends , again the baby girl is born 7 weeks early but she is fine. Thank God! I gave her a shower to celebrate this wonderful life because some of her so- called friends thought it was tacky to celebrate this gift from God and all the trama this couple had been through to have this child. That is when I heard about this second baby shower thing! My neice didn't need their presents she needed their support and she cried and cried. Now mind you 40 plus came but there were the 5 or 6 that showed their self and gossiped and gossiped until the preacher had to get involved. I mean I don't get it people! If you don't want to come then don't come but keep your mouth shut, you are hurting someone! Oh and the one that did all the talking well she became pregnant and it was her second child and all of a sudden it was ok to have a shower. Isn't that amazing.

bettyann29
04-20-2006, 07:56 PM
I never knew that having a shower for a 2nd or 3rd child was looked down upon.. Hmm.. learn something new every day..

jessica52877
04-20-2006, 08:03 PM
I think "showers" of different types are great as mentioned in a previous post. But I also wouldn't consider them showers but get togethers, so guess that is where terminology differs. I am refering to the ones who gather to do paint a room, decorate a nursery, go out to dinner, etc. All to celebrate the baby. Not the traditional at a place, play baby games, open gifts, etc. I think the gatherings would be acceptable for each and every baby.

I love seeing how others think!

mookie
04-26-2006, 05:24 PM
I know this thread is a few days old, but I had to jump in. My SIL, just had her 2nd baby in Jan. We were both pregnant at the same time with our first girls, in fact, we were due 3 weeks apart. So, our first showers were held together. Then, she got pregnant again, and so did I, except this time, we were 6 months apart. Her mom gave her another shower!!! Keep in mind that he first daughter was 2 and a half, and she was having another girl!!!! She complained about how she still had tags on some of the clothes that she had from the first pregnancy, but yet, worked with her mom to figure out a date for her shower (so, it's not like she didn't know about the 2nd one and couldn't protest - she actually helped pick the date!!!). What did she get at her shower? More clothes!!! :rolleyes:

I am currently due in a few weeks, this time with a boy, and I have made it VERY clear, that a 2nd shower is NOT necessary. Our first pregnancy, we bought everything NEUTRAL because we knew that we would be having more kids, and honestly, I don't want more stuff in my house! The only thing I really need to buy are clothes. The way I see it, if anyone wants to buy me something to celebrate the birth of our son, let them buy it the day he is born, on their own accord. But don't make people feel like they should give a gift by having an actual shower.

FWIW, DSIL is complaining again how she has too much stuff for this new baby!!! :sad2:

jeankeri
04-26-2006, 08:10 PM
Very interesting thread! I also vetoed a second shower when I was expecting my second child. My DH let me in on the fact that my inlaws (mom & sisters)were trying to plan the shower and I didn't understand it. I had never heard of such a thing, but for his family/ circle of friends, it was traditional. It all depends on where you are from. My close friends/ family members gave us clothes, toys etc.. on the birth of DS #2, but no shower was had.

ginna74
04-26-2006, 08:33 PM
I never thought it was unexceptable? It is all preference I guess. But I def think no one should be judged for having one. If ya don't want to go then don't lol, but there is nothing wrong with having a second shower.

ZachnElli
04-26-2006, 09:49 PM
If you think 2nd and 3rd baby showers are tacky, then hold on to your seats! I was invited AND attended (after alot of debate!) my neighbors 14th baby shower last July!! Yes, for baby # 14! I don't know how many other baby showers she had, but I'm sure she had a few! I debated because we were neighbors, I didn't want to ruffle any feathers in the neighborhood, I have to live there y'know? I did think it was tacky and unnecessary, I mean #14! But there was cheesecake! :teeth: :rotfl:

babiesX2
04-26-2006, 10:41 PM
If you think 2nd and 3rd baby showers are tacky, then hold on to your seats! I was invited AND attended (after alot of debate!) my neighbors 14th baby shower last July!! Yes, for baby # 14! I don't know how many other baby showers she had, but I'm sure she had a few! I debated because we were neighbors, I didn't want to ruffle any feathers in the neighborhood, I have to live there y'know? I did think it was tacky and unnecessary, I mean #14! But there was cheesecake! :teeth: :rotfl:

Wowsers! 14! How do you make 14 when you already have 13 to interfere?

84disney
04-26-2006, 10:52 PM
I would love to attend someone's 14th baby shower :goodvibes . God Bless 'Em :angel: !!

DMRick
04-26-2006, 11:10 PM
If you think 2nd and 3rd baby showers are tacky, then hold on to your seats! I was invited AND attended (after alot of debate!) my neighbors 14th baby shower last July!! Yes, for baby # 14!

Woah...I'm betting everything was plain old wornout (including Mom!) and she really needed the lift of new stuff. I hope people gave gift certificates for blocks of time to help..I'm thinking that would be a really good gift. 14...{shudder} better her than me LOL!

DVC Sadie
04-27-2006, 12:11 AM
If you think 2nd and 3rd baby showers are tacky, then hold on to your seats! I was invited AND attended (after alot of debate!) my neighbors 14th baby shower last July!! Yes, for baby # 14! I don't know how many other baby showers she had, but I'm sure she had a few! I debated because we were neighbors, I didn't want to ruffle any feathers in the neighborhood, I have to live there y'know? I did think it was tacky and unnecessary, I mean #14! But there was cheesecake! :teeth: :rotfl:


She should have invited me because I would have gladly gone with a huge gift. Anyone who has the stamina, determination and fortitude of having 14 kids is truly deserving of everything IMO. Now thats a women who must love having baby showers. :teeth: :thumbsup2

PaulaSB12
04-27-2006, 02:36 AM
Baby showers are starting to be more common in the UK. We don't do them at all in my family but I really can't see it as being tacky if friends want to do one for you for a second or third child. Personally saying I don't want one because its tacky seems a bit rude to your friends. As for my sister I had a large box and I brought baby stuff, so much that she didn't need to buy ANY baby maintanence (sudacreme, baby bath and the like) stuff for 2 years and she had triplets.

ZachnElli
04-27-2006, 10:11 AM
Woah...I'm betting everything was plain old wornout (including Mom!) and she really needed the lift of new stuff. I hope people gave gift certificates for blocks of time to help..I'm thinking that would be a really good gift. 14...{shudder} better her than me LOL!

Nope, you are betting wrong! They weren't hurting for money or new things. 14 kids, yes, but only 9 at home (9, lol!). The oldest is married, a couple more out of college and 2 more in college. No need to give blocks of time, she has built in babysitters too! :teeth: (as for the rest: 2 in high school, 2 in middle school, 3 in elem., a preschooler and the baby)

84disney
04-27-2006, 11:17 AM
To the poster who was invited....you should have NOT gone! You sound soooo bitter!!!! I'm sure the neighbors would not have been upset if you had not gone, but I'm sure they would have some sad feelings to hear how you feel. The people who gave the shower, I'm sure, were feeling like this would be a nice get way to get together and wish this family some blessings. If you did NOT want to go, or did NOT feel that way, you were under NO obligation :confused3 !!! And, if people wanted to come and celebrate and did not want to bring a gift, that's fine, too. I just don't think people are as grabby as others do :sad2: .

calie_j
04-27-2006, 05:39 PM
Ya wanna hear tacky? My friend is having a baby shower, 2nd baby. The 1st time I visited her after the birth I brought a gift. A few weeks later she tells me about this shower and says I don't have to bring a gift since I already got her one. A few weeks after that she asked if I got the invite and tells me she's registered at Target & Walmart so thinking she'd forgot I simply said, I already got you a gift. She half picks up the blanket given to her 2 months ago that she's was putting over the baby in his carseat and says, "Oh This??" like it was some hand me down with stains and rips and not a carefully picked out item with her favorite character on it. NOPE I'm not going to that shower :p

Calie

Ally0005
04-27-2006, 05:50 PM
My friends gave me a baby shower for my second child.
Never had one for my first child.
I didn't ask for the shower they wanted to do it.
My kids are 4.5 years apart.

mking624
04-27-2006, 07:06 PM
My opinion? If it's not your baby, it's not really your right to judge whether or not a person should have another baby shower. Funny how having multiple showers for one child is acceptable, but heaven forbid someone have one shower for their second child. Each child is equally special, I don't understand why it would be wrong for each child to have an equally special event planned for them. Don't like the idea? Simply don't attend. But don't ruin the event by being so bitter about it. If this were my second child and someone had that attitude towards me about it, I certainly would not want them there.

mking624
04-27-2006, 07:10 PM
This actually reminds me of birthdays too...
Do you grumble and complain every time you're invited to a birthday party...for a child OR adult? (Ugh, ANOTHER birthday?!). Same concept...different event.

ThreeMusketeers
04-27-2006, 07:42 PM
I too would say that a second baby shower is NOT tacky at all. Each new baby deserves a celebration! I looked at my baby shower as a time to connect with other women and celebrate my pregnancy and life. We will have a second child someday and the second baby will be YEARS younger than our first daughter. I would hope to receive things at my second baby shower as though I were having my first baby. Since so many years will have passed.
What difference does it make anyway..I mean..to each her own.

Belle5
04-27-2006, 10:16 PM
Funny how having multiple showers for one child is acceptable, but heaven forbid someone have one shower for their second child.

An excellent point...

Belle5
04-27-2006, 10:20 PM
This actually reminds me of birthdays too...
Do you grumble and complain every time you're invited to a birthday party...for a child OR adult? (Ugh, ANOTHER birthday?!). Same concept...different event.

Another excellent point. Maybe people should consider whether or not they are capable of financially supporting a child if they have to ask others to that child's birthday party each year... If that's not gift grabbing, I don't know what is... :rolleyes2

kimberh
04-27-2006, 11:15 PM
Ya wanna hear tacky? My friend is having a baby shower, 2nd baby. The 1st time I visited her after the birth I brought a gift. A few weeks later she tells me about this shower and says I don't have to bring a gift since I already got her one. A few weeks after that she asked if I got the invite and tells me she's registered at Target & Walmart so thinking she'd forgot I simply said, I already got you a gift. She half picks up the blanket given to her 2 months ago that she's was putting over the baby in his carseat and says, "Oh This??" like it was some hand me down with stains and rips and not a carefully picked out item with her favorite character on it. NOPE I'm not going to that shower :p

Calie
Callie, The fact that she was using your gift should tell you that deep down she appreciates it. Now her actions are another thing. Some people are just not raised properly. You were sweet to take her a present when you really weren't obligated to do so. I still don't understand the registering for a baby shower. I 'm for the 2nd baby shower but I don't go buy off of a registery, I think that is for Weddings but maybe that's another topic. :offtopic: :tink:

roliepolieoliefan
04-27-2006, 11:31 PM
Another excellent point. Maybe people should consider whether or not they are capable of financially supporting a child if they have to ask others to that child's birthday party each year... If that's not gift grabbing, I don't know what is... :rolleyes2

I'm sorry but to me, birthdays for CHILDREN are not gift grabbing. You are saying, you have a birthday party to get items for your child you, yourself can't afford. PAHLEESE! Sorry but the comment that people have birthday parties for their children because they are not capable of supporting them financially is one of the most off the wall comments I've ever read on this board.

I have birthday parties for both my kids every year. A couple close friends and family. Between the food, cake, plates napkins and decorations I spend probably twice as much on the party as my kids receive in gifts. As yes, thank you my husband and I are perfectly capable of supporting our children. Gees! :rolleyes:

Newfie2000
04-28-2006, 01:21 AM
If I might add my two cents...

I refuse to declare if a second (or more) shower is appropriate because each situation and pregnancy is unique. I can only state that I would not like to be invited to a shower a second time of someone who has all the essentials and then some. Nor would I even consider going to a shower for someone who I personally knew had sold or eliminated all their old things, knowing they were having a second child sometime in the future. However I definitely would not mind going to a friend or family member's shower whom I knew really needed some support or help, for financial or other reasons. In fact I would be honored and feel both my time and cash were well spent!

But I have to wonder how such a close friend would feel if they had not received an inviatation? They were not asked or expected to throw the shower and if someone else is going to would they find it less tacky to be not invited? Hmmm... I think I would prefer the inviatation no matter what the shower number. I would rather be given the opportunity to make up my own mind!

That being said... I love registry's. I would rather spend my money on a gift I know the person really wants and will use then spend a lot of time trying to decide what I feel the person would like. What really agitates me is when every single item on the registry is a high ticket item. Now I feel forced or coerced into buying a gift which is more than I originally intended to spend. (Please note - this does not apply when there are lots of smaller items on the registry already purchased, then it's my fault for waiting to shop!) When I see a registry like this I tend to purposely shop elsewhere just to avoid feeling obligated to spend more! In my opinion this kind of registry goes beyond TACKY!

DISUNC
04-28-2006, 05:52 AM
It is so much easier being a man!!!!!!!!!! :thumbsup2

cwf1028
04-28-2006, 06:33 AM
I was forced into a shower at work from my second and I hated it. My DH and I worked at the same company for two different departments. My department wanted to give me a shower and I absolutely insisted that it was not appropriate and they respected my wish and instead chipped in for a spa gift certificate for me. I thought that was wonderful of them. My DH department decided that I (he) needed to be included in a joint shower for us and two other couples having a baby within a few weeks of each other. The other couples were having their first and us our second. I insisted that he get out of it, but you know how guys can be about that kind of thing. It was held in the employee dining room after work and I was EXTREMELY uncomfortable to be showered with gifts just like the first time moms. In addition, it hurt my co workers feelings that I did not allow them to throw me one but would let DH's co workers give one. What a mess...

taterules
04-28-2006, 07:14 AM
We will have a second child someday and the second baby will be YEARS younger than our first daughter. I would hope to receive things at my second baby shower as though I were having my first baby. Since so many years will have passed.


I don't think baby showers (or any other parties) are all about how good the stuff is that you're getting from people. That's the kind of comment that makes people feel a second shower could be grabby: "Come to my second shower, but you better bring something at least as good as you brought for the first one." IF someone throws you a second baby shower, you could have them put that right on the invitiation.

Belle5
04-28-2006, 08:24 AM
I'm sorry but to me, birthdays for CHILDREN are not gift grabbing. You are saying, you have a birthday party to get items for your child you, yourself can't afford. PAHLEESE! Sorry but the comment that people have birthday parties for their children because they are not capable of supporting them financially is one of the most off the wall comments I've ever read on this board.

I have birthday parties for both my kids every year. A couple close friends and family. Between the food, cake, plates napkins and decorations I spend probably twice as much on the party as my kids receive in gifts. As yes, thank you my husband and I are perfectly capable of supporting our children. Gees! :rolleyes:
Umm...I was JOKING! I was basing what I said on some of the gift grabbing comments made about people having baby showers. Go back and read all the responses and you'll see where this came from...

kimberh
04-28-2006, 04:33 PM
Another excellent point. Maybe people should consider whether or not they are capable of financially supporting a child if they have to ask others to that child's birthday party each year... If that's not gift grabbing, I don't know what is... :rolleyes2
Where did this come from! I have 3 grown children, 2 loved to celebrate their birthdays and 1 to this day does not. I always spent more on the partys than they received. Maybe some don't but I never needed anything that my children received as gifts to raise them it was about celebrating! I now have a son-in-law whose parents never gave him a party and every year on his birthday it's a terrible fight to try to celebrate the day so last year I told my daughter, Don't. For some unknown reason his parents never made a big deal about the day he was born but in our family we make a big deal about this, we believe you are special and the day should be celebrated over a week. I feel for those of you that don't make your children feel special on the one day of the year that is there's.

Snoopygirl
04-28-2006, 06:30 PM
I just attended a baby shower on Sat. for the girls 3RD child!! I went to the previous 2 also. I don't know.....I sway back and forth on this one. I usually don't go all out on a 2nd and 3rd child as I do for the first. For the first one....the couple really needs everything. By the time the 2nd, 3rd, or however many kids they have come around, they shouldn't need as much. I have also been to 2nd and 3rd showers where they are just "diapers & wipes" parties. Makes it easier.

virgojmk
04-28-2006, 06:57 PM
I'm under the it depends on the circumstance. My 1st shower was cancelled because I ended up in the hospital(after trying for her for 5 years I was very upset about not having it). So when I was expecting my 2nd one, 4.5 years later we did have one, but only 6 people were invited.
My feeling is, if there has been several years, it's not tacky, but if they were invited to your 1st shower, expect something very small if anything.
I'm not planning anymore (my youngest is 7), but, if I had another one there would only be 2 people who have been to my previous shower (my sister and my SIL, the rest are all new friends/coworkers, and we don't have a lot of female family left).
If it was someone who was having a 3rd baby in 3 years I think I would feel diffently. Although if the baby was a different gender then the other 2, that might change my decision to attend.

Belle5
04-28-2006, 07:30 PM
Where did this come from! I have 3 grown children, 2 loved to celebrate their birthdays and 1 to this day does not. I always spent more on the partys than they received. Maybe some don't but I never needed anything that my children received as gifts to raise them it was about celebrating! I now have a son-in-law whose parents never gave him a party and every year on his birthday it's a terrible fight to try to celebrate the day so last year I told my daughter, Don't. For some unknown reason his parents never made a big deal about the day he was born but in our family we make a big deal about this, we believe you are special and the day should be celebrated over a week. I feel for those of you that don't make your children feel special on the one day of the year that is there's.
Please go back and read ALL the responses before you jump in and quote me. I am GLAD you celebrate your kids birthdays, as do I. I even have big parties for them. I thought my rolleyes gave it away that I was playing off of some of the comments made previously, but I guess not...

roliepolieoliefan
04-28-2006, 10:02 PM
Umm...I was JOKING! I was basing what I said on some of the gift grabbing comments made about people having baby showers. Go back and read all the responses and you'll see where this came from...


My fault, I apologize!! :goodvibes

beachgrl001
04-29-2006, 08:29 AM
I had a 2nd shower. My boys are 10yrs apart, So I had given away everything by the time I was expecting my 2nd. My first shower was in a rented hall and my second was in my house. I think if its 5 or more years apart its ok.

just my oppinion...

SnowWitch
04-29-2006, 09:40 AM
This thread is entertaining. With my first son 16 years ago I was given a shower by family. Two and half years later I had another son most family members didn't even see the need to give a gift for that child.

Now forward to 2005 when we were expecting our surprise daughter, I recieved 2 showers, one at work and one given by friends and family. We are now expecting another child in Dec and several co-workers and friends have commented if we have another girl they wil have a diaper shower.

My mother doesn't see the need kinda like the original poster. But what I think the older generation must consider everything is soooooo expensive now maybe people just want to help out a little. In the 60's and 70's the birth of a child would cost a few hundred bucks...yeah that 1 ultrasound now.

DisneyGirl4188
04-29-2006, 10:45 AM
I haven't read all the way through yet, but I wanted to give my opinion.

I had no idea it was tacky to have a shower for baby #2 (or 3, etc). It is a BABY shower, not "This Is Only for the First Baby" shower. It's a celebration for the baby. It doesn't mean you have to buy a new stoller and crib for the new baby just because you are invited. Buy them some diapers and wipes; I'm sure that will be just as appreciated.

I also see nothing wrong with having a big second wedding either. If it makes you happy to have one, then what does it matter? What is the difference between that and having a big blow out vow renewal (or is that unacceptable too?)

If it makes you uncomfortable to attend these events, then don't. But I don't think you should look down on those that are having these.

CJMZ
04-29-2006, 07:04 PM
I just went a shower last night for my cousins 4th child that she is expecting. She had one for the first child but not the 2nd or 3rd. This child was a "surprise" and she pretty much gave all of her baby things away as her youngest is now 4.
It was a small gathering - 15 people, but I actually enjoyed myself. It was really more of a get together since all of the people my age are still having kids and we really don't get out much, and she got some really nice things - mostly more of the disposable items you go through when the baby is an infant - diapers, wipes, burping clothes, lotions, creams, blankets I was glad to pitch in for the little one.

lclark0621
04-29-2006, 09:18 PM
Cant a shower, any shower, wedding, baby, whatever...Just be considered a PARTY to celebrate something exciting?!?!

Not everyone sees a shower just to "grab some stuff". Some people just see it as a celebration of a new life, or a new couple, whatever.

People register so others know what to buy, what they need, whatever. It saves an expecting mother, crazy bride to be, the time of returning stuff they already have.

So just take the invite, as an invite to a party. Not everyone is trying to be rude to YOU. Some people just want to celebrate something amazing happening to a dear friend or loved one, so they throw them a party.

suz72
04-29-2006, 11:21 PM
Just went to one today for a second child...a second boy. She didn't really want to have it but...someone was throwing it for her. Baby showers are fun and I'm glad she had one!

I will also be attending some 3rd baby...showers soon. Sometimes unplanned pregnancies, different gender...can create a need. I think baby showers are just fun.

That being said, I went into labor with DD1 2 months early, was able to stop labor for a week, but she was born on the day of the shower...a double shower with a sister in law (couples shower). The shower went on as planned, without me there...DH took over. And I sat in the hospital on some drugs from the C-section...alone all day. :sad2:

Needless to say, when I was pregnant with DD2, I refused to have a shower. Superstitious, I guess. So...I love attending other peoples baby showers...2nd, 3rd...I don't care. :yay:

jakoky
04-29-2006, 11:23 PM
To me this is such an odd question i think each baby is very special and a shower is a celebration of that new little life..i cant imagine showing my oldest daughter her shower pics and all that people that camer to see her and then saying to my son and other daughter, i dont have pictures of when everyone came to celebrate u because u were number 2 and 3.....i live in bc,canada and i have 3 children and was given showers for all 3...only very close family and friends...i only have been invited to showers of close friends and family, all showers i definately wanted to be at, no one i knows goes overboard and invites those who they are unsure would want to come...now that i am in my mid 30's(and my kids are almost 15, 12, and 10, most of my friends are also done having kids so i very rarely go to showers anymore but if one of my friends got pregnant with number 3 or 4, i would throw the shower for the new baby, what a great excuse to get together with people and see a new baby...i definately can tell u though that if someone didnt want to be there, i certainly would prefer they stay home
shar

zalansky
04-30-2006, 10:36 AM
Cant a shower, any shower, wedding, baby, whatever...Just be considered a PARTY to celebrate something exciting?!?!

Not everyone sees a shower just to "grab some stuff". Some people just see it as a celebration of a new life, or a new couple, whatever.

People register so others know what to buy, what they need, whatever. It saves an expecting mother, crazy bride to be, the time of returning stuff they already have.

So just take the invite, as an invite to a party. Not everyone is trying to be rude to YOU. Some people just want to celebrate something amazing happening to a dear friend or loved one, so they throw them a party.

AMEN! My HUSBAND threw me a 2nd shower for our 2nd baby (a girl, our first was a boy and they are 3 years apart) - DH caught wind some people thought is was tacky to have a 2nd shower and so were not going to have one for MY DAUGHTER and he wouldn't have that, so he did it all. If those who thought it was tacky didn't want to come then they shouldn't have. It's about celebrating a new life. I don't get why people are so negative thinking everything is about getting gifts. Lighten up people. Its about celebrating life!

mommyintn
04-30-2006, 11:05 AM
I totally agree with the original poster. Being a southerner it just isn't done and is considered tacky.

Well I guess TN didn't get the memo :rotfl2: I was given a shower for both of my boys who are almost 4 years apart. It wasn't a big deal to me but my friends wanted to plan one and I went along for the ride. It's really a celebration of life and diapers are welcome anytime. I find a lot of the 2nd showers might be themed like a diaper party, which is awesome because those get expensive. To each their own, if you get invited to a 2nd shower just don't go if you think it's tacky or uneccessary. :thumbsup2

4greatboys
04-30-2006, 11:14 AM
ride. It's really a celebration of life and diapers are welcome anytime. I find a lot of the 2nd showers might be themed like a diaper party, which is awesome because those get expensive.


Be careful because if you say something is expensive or you like to receive a gift to some I have seen on this thread it means you havent thought out the financial resposibilities of a child and you cannot afford one.


Maybe Texas didnt get the memo either :confused3 I was born and raised in the South and its not umcommon around here for someone to have more than one shower. I have always been excited to give my friends a shower and/or gifts for the new baby.

ThreeMusketeers
04-30-2006, 11:37 AM
taterules

oye... Let me start by saying, that I wasn't even able to attned my first baby shower, b/c I was in the hospital. Second, I said in my COMPLETE post that a baby shower is something that you should have to celebrate your pregnancy and your new child 1st, 2nd, 3rd or 10th. Even if noone brought anything but a smile on their face that would be great.
Saying that, alot of people do bring gifts to showers, and all I was saying was that if someone WAS going to bring something, it would be great if we were to get things as though we were doing it for the first time again. SINCE, our kids will be 7 years apart in age. Alot of the "essentials" that we had will be both outdated and or gone/broken. This would just be an added bonus though. I think in all its more about the celebration.
BTW..I just felt the need to respond b/c I don't like when peoples "quotes" are chopped up.

mommyintn
04-30-2006, 12:50 PM
Be careful because if you say something is expensive or you like to receive a gift to some I have seen on this thread it means you havent thought out the financial resposibilities of a child and you cannot afford one.


Maybe Texas didnt get the memo either :confused3 I was born and raised in the South and its not umcommon around here for someone to have more than one shower. I have always been excited to give my friends a shower and/or gifts for the new baby.


:rotfl: :rotfl: Thanks for that! :) Of course, let me preface that by saying we did understand the financial responsibilites of raising a child :) Of course if you wait till you can afford children (on paper) you will rationalize you never will. I just helped coordinate a babyshower yesterday for a friend from church having #3. They thought they were through and here comes #3 with 7 years between her and the middle child. I love buying baby stuff and I wouldn't do it if I didn't.

Raevyn_Wolfe
04-30-2006, 01:46 PM
hmmm, I also had no idea that celebrating the birth (or soon to be birth) of a child (any child) would be considered tacky and distasteful, learn something new everyday.

poshspice94
06-24-2007, 09:03 PM
This is an extremely old thread, but I found it when I Googled wether it was tacky to want a second shower. My daughter is 6 1/2 now and I ddint think I could have another. Through In-Vitro we were able to have another baby, also a girl. I didnt keep anything and my friends didnt either. When I spoke to people about what their thoughts were my husbands friends thought it was tacky and horrible. :grouphug: Im reading this as jealousy perhaps, that my mom wants to throw me one? Some people here thought it was great, others hated it, but I guess its your choice wether to attend right? My two new firends really want me to have one and register since they werent here for the first. I guess writing this makes me feel better about wanting to get nice new things for my daughter that I might otherwise not afford..... thanks for the ear...:hug:

ceecee
06-24-2007, 09:06 PM
I totally agree with the original poster. Being a southerner it just isn't done and is considered tacky.

I'm not from the south, but I totally agree!

worldismine
06-24-2007, 09:25 PM
I don't think it's tacky at all,, to celebrate the birth of a child? I have 4 children and had 3 showers. one for my first child a girl, but not for my 2nd a boy because I had a lot of stuff,they are only 18 mths apart-but people did bring gifts when they came to visit, i kept the crib highchair etc for 8 yrs hoping for another baby then threw it all away, yes a month later found out I was pregnant, so I was given my 2nd shower, had a girl. 6 yrs later guess what I had a boy and since the boys are 14 yrs apart they gave me another shower. so it all depends on the cercumstances. people shouldn't judge..

StephMK
06-24-2007, 09:28 PM
This is an extremely old thread, but I found it when I Googled wether it was tacky to want a second shower. My daughter is 6 1/2 now and I ddint think I could have another. Through In-Vitro we were able to have another baby, also a girl. I didnt keep anything and my friends didnt either. When I spoke to people about what their thoughts were my husbands friends thought it was tacky and horrible. :grouphug: Im reading this as jealousy perhaps, that my mom wants to throw me one? Some people here thought it was great, others hated it, but I guess its your choice wether to attend right? My two new firends really want me to have one and register since they werent here for the first. I guess writing this makes me feel better about wanting to get nice new things for my daughter that I might otherwise not afford..... thanks for the ear...:hug:

It sounds like you have an extra-special reason to celebrate -congrats!! I think from glancing through this thread, it's really a mixed bunch. I fall into the let's celebrate life, it's a party, gifts are not the point. Let them have the shower & enjoy!! I love showers & buying baby gifts. Those that hate the idea don't need to come. My DDs were 6 yrs apart & DD2 was w/DH, whole new set of friends/co-workers. My 2 friends were pg at the same time so we held them for each other.

Congrats again!!

poshspice94
06-24-2007, 09:53 PM
It sounds like you have an extra-special reason to celebrate -congrats!! I think from glancing through this thread, it's really a mixed bunch. I fall into the let's celebrate life, it's a party, gifts are not the point. Let them have the shower & enjoy!! I love showers & buying baby gifts. Those that hate the idea don't need to come. My DDs were 6 yrs apart & DD2 was w/DH, whole new set of friends/co-workers. My 2 friends were pg at the same time so we held them for each other.

Congrats again!!

Thank you so much for your thoughts, well wishes, and making me feel better about a secret desire to perhaps enjoying a second shower. I only now got a chance to read 14 pages of this thread and I am floored how some people thought it was the most horrible tacky thing in the world. Bottom line is, if you dont want to go, dont go. Everyone lives their lives diffrently, and nothing made me madder than to read some statments posted along the lines of "well if you want one because you cant afford things, maybe you should re-think your planning to have a child?" HUH? We all can agree to disagree. TACKY? ITS JUST AN OPINION. This thread only proved to me, more than anything, its the excitement of knowing that 4 yeads of treatments and unsucessful IUI's are giving me the joy of motherhood, and the excitement of wanting to give this child everying I could possibly give them. Including my moms excitement to throw me an awesome party to celebrate with family & friends who have no problem showering this baby with GIFTS.... YES I SAID IT PEOPLE!!!THANKS!:love:

abeyst
06-24-2007, 10:32 PM
Showers (wedding or baby) are to help out the new wife/mother with getting her started. Once you're on your 2nd or 3rd (wedding or baby), you should be far enough along in your life to supply the necessities that are needed for the situation.

People are still going to give the baby things when it's born, they always do. But I think the intention of a shower is being misinterpreted.

I certainly wouldn't see how a 2nd bridal shower for a 2nd marriage (or a 3rd for that matter) would be appropriate. You'd expect the couple to have what they need or buy it themselves.

But, that's just my opinion.

KelsiesMommy
06-24-2007, 10:45 PM
IMHO, each and every baby is a blessing and should be celebrated-

That being said, if she's asking for all new "big ticket" items that she got the first time around, that's tacky.

I'm all for celebrating a new life!

Vickie46
06-24-2007, 10:59 PM
Its so normal around here.... most of the time the Mom the 2nd time around is happy with a diaper shower! We do those at church a lot.. it doesn't matter if its the 2nd or 3rd or 4th... each baby is so special!

NotUrsula
06-25-2007, 12:47 AM
Hmmm, there is a twofer in this one ...

"... When I spoke to people about what their thoughts were my husband's friends thought it was tacky and horrible. I'm reading this as jealousy perhaps, that my mom wants to throw me one? Some people here thought it was great, others hated it, but I guess it's your choice whether to attend right?"

Two issues: 1) is it covetous to want a shower for a 2d child? and 2) is it tacky for your mother to throw a shower in your honor?

Sorry, but the answer in both cases is yes. It is tacky for immediate family to throw ANY kind of shower, and a second one for a grandchild from the same child is doubly over the line. "Jealousy" doesn't come into it -- your DH's friends are horrified because you and your mother are about to embarrass yourselves. Also, as you can probably tell from a lot of the responses here, it really isn't just a matter of those who disapprove simply not attending -- it leaves a bad impression of your manners that will stay with them for quite a while. Be careful before you just randomly send invitations.

If your mother wants to throw a party celebrating the child's birth, that's fine; the Christening, etc. would be the most proper occasion for something like that, if you're religious. Otherwise it's fine to just have a party after the baby is born, to celebrate the new addition to the family, but don't open any gifts at the party, should you receive them. Save that for when you get home.

What I think people are misunderstanding here (and forgive me if it has been said already, as I haven't read the entire thread) is that a "shower" by definition is not just a party. It is a party hosted specifically for the purpose of equipping a newlywed or a new parent with the basics the FIRST time she/they take on that new status. Giving a wedding gift for a second marriage or a birthday gift to a new baby is not the same thing. A "shower" is very specifically oriented toward the exhibition of gifts, while a general party (other than a child's birthday party) is not.

i3utterfli82
06-25-2007, 01:00 AM
IMHO, each and every baby is a blessing and should be celebrated-

That being said, if she's asking for all new "big ticket" items that she got the first time around, that's tacky.

I'm all for celebrating a new life!

I agree....I see nothing wrong for a shower for each baby. It is just a celebration and no different than a birthday party with presents. I can't believe people think it is tacky...

2angelsinheaven
06-25-2007, 01:07 AM
News to me too. I thought the name of the party was "Baby Shower" not "First Baby Shower". Didn't know you could only have one. Guess I'm part of the younger generation as well.

Piecey
06-25-2007, 01:22 AM
Hmm.. my cousin has had three kids. The first is no more than 7.. and his wife is now pregnant with #4.

There will be a baby shower, I can guarantee it. There was a shower for each of the previous three children (none of which were planned for so they needed everything)... I won't be going. Mostly because I found out about her pregnancy on her MYSPACE?!

katdocnorf
06-25-2007, 01:50 AM
I have had 3 children of my own (other 3 listed are Step Children). I had baby showers for all 3. but let me explain. 1st child Boy, Second Child Girl and 5 1/2 years later, so items outdated, etc. also at new job and job through baby shower. 3rd girl and from second marriage, hadn't really planned on having anymore and had gotten rid of a lot of stuff from first daughter. And (but this is just an opinion) I had kept a lot of clothing from 1st daughter and when I went through them some were to badly stained or just to overly worn out. So only had small percentage that was still worth saving. Now mine were several years apart, but in my opinion you can always use clothes especially when its a girl......princess:

teresajoy
06-25-2007, 02:44 AM
This is sort of budget related. I have a dear friend whom I've known for 23 years. She has one daughter, and when I met this friend the daughter was 2. She is now 25. This daughter had her first child 2 years ago, my friend's first grandchild, a girl. I went in with 2 other people and gave a VERY NICE baby shower. It was at a restaurant where we had a private room and were served dessert and coffee. Over 30 ladies attended.

It's now 2 years later, and this daughter is having her second child (another girl) in about 6 weeks. On Friday I received an invitation to a baby shower for this baby!!!! I was shocked. This is a first for me.

I spoke to another friend over the weekend about this. This friend is actually cousins with the other friend. I asked her what was going on and she said, "oh, you know how girls are these days, that seems to be the thing they do now." WHAT? So that makes it okay??? Isn't it our job as the "older generation" to teach them that's NOT the thing to do?

Am I being unreasonable? I actually have already bought a gift for this baby, as I would give a gift whether or not there is a shower, as this is the second grandchild to my dear friend, and I am close to them all. I will just give that gift at the shower. Despite the fact that she is registered at Target!

But I just find the whole second baby SHOWER thing tacky. She should have all the "basics" as she has a girl already that is only 2. The stuff shouldn't be worn out. I have not spoken to the friend herself yet. But I would be embarrased to have MY friends invited to another shower for my child's second baby. I don't have children of my own, but that's how I would feel. Did I miss something? Is this now okay and my feelings are unjustified?

I haven't read any of the other posts, but I wanted to make a comment about this. It is my utmost belief that each and every baby should be celebrated. And, this is why, I throw showers for second, third, etc.... babies, I attend showers for second, third, etc... babies, and I've been given showers for my second and third babies. Not tacky, a celebration, to let everyone know that each baby is important, not just the first.

You allready bought a present, why not just go enjoy the company of your friends and the excitement of a new baby! :love:

tink2dw
06-25-2007, 03:40 AM
How can it be "tacky" to want to CELEBRATE THE LIFE OF A NEW BABY?? Any baby, child 1 or child 14!! Adopted, Fostered, or Natural it is a new little life

This is, The Miracle of a Baby!! That New Life should be celebrated!! And welcomed!! Especially by Family and certainly by friends.

If you can't do that then stay home, shut-up and sulk on your own!!!

I have lost count of all the Baby Shower Gifts we have given thru the years!!

We have it down to a science!! I look for and buy things all year long!! I look for a Cute basket, fill it with full size, Baby Powder, Baby Lotion, Baby Wash, a bib, and a fleece blanket. In Pink or Blue IF we know, or Green and yellow if we don't. And a dollar store cellophane bag and matching ribbon.

Once you have a tradition of giving everyday useful baby gifts, it isn't hard or expensive to keep on Celebrating those Precious Little Babies!! :wizard:

shortbun
06-25-2007, 03:56 AM
While I feel a shower for a bride's 2nd wedding might be less than hoyle, I can not see what possible problem a baby shower for a 2nd baby or 3rd or 4th would pose. They are babies, they need stuff. I'm 53, how did I miss the 1 baby shower rule? Maybe it's regional. How is one baby less important than another? I just don't get this one!!!

tink2dw
06-25-2007, 04:01 AM
Oh just a fun fact,

My best friend hosted a Baby Shower for my 1st and Only Baby, And Only 1 person came.

We had a lovely Party anyway!!! So, think before you get on your high horse and stay home!!!

2angelsinheaven
06-25-2007, 04:10 AM
This is an example of something I would bring to a shower, cheap, easy and in my experience the Mom's who I have brought one too really liked them.

http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid154/p71e84d860590d82b3823130303b2b763/f57e997d.jpg

http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid154/pca1f43ee5bc7f01f9d81a41f8ceffcc4/f57e996d.jpg

http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid154/p464870981b75d0ba8000b8822c439f40/f57e9977.jpg

Included are the following...Green Fleece blanket, Heart to Heart Bear, Boy Washclothes, and a few Johnson and Johnson bath products. The baskets I got at Walmart for a few $'s and made them nicer with lace w/ blue ribbon run through it super glued on.

You can make this for under $20 or make it much more expensive, etc by adding additional items, full sized products, etc. I went with the baby's room colors for the basket/blankets. You could do one themed to baby's room, needs (medicine, feeding, bottles, bath, etc).

Just a frugal idea for all the baby showers.