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beckmrk04
02-23-2006, 08:38 PM
So, I got my e-mail from the National Organization for Women (NOW) and in it was a link to a USA Today article about the battle over gay adoption heating up in 16 states. I live in IL, which, thankfully, is Democratic (at least for now), and as far as I know, there are no laws banning gay and lesbian couples from adopting children. I was just wondering what other people's experiences are with this? FL allows no gay couples to adopt. Utah allows no unmarried couples to adopt. So, if you are LGBT, and want to adopt or have adopted, what have been your experiences? I know it's hard enough for straight couples, I can't imagine what it must be like for the LGBT families. Care to share your stories?

P.S.- in the meantime, I am trying to look up IL laws on this issue.

ChrizJen
02-24-2006, 09:55 AM
Thanks for bringing this up... :thumbsup2 This is becoming a very serious issue...
We have not adopted, but we have friends who adopted from Guatemala, and they are in the process of adopting again, this time from Brazil. We all live in St. Louis. As we speak, our governor is in the proccess of banning all same-sex adoptions here in Missouri. I don't know all of the laws in Illinois, but I do know that when our friends were preparing for their Guatemala adoption, they moved across the river to Illinois. I don't think that there are any laws prohibiting same sex couples from adopting in IL. They had to deal with Guatemala's laws regarding this, so only one of them was able to do the initial adoption, and then when they got their son into the states, the other had to file for second parent adoption. Evidently, Brazil has no law against same sex couples adopting. They will both be making the trip to Brazil when there is a child for them.

But here is the thing. These states (like MO) are not only moving to ban same sex adoption, but they are trying to make it so that they don't even have to recognize adoptions that are already final!!
So in my friends' case, the first adoption would be recognized, but if they continue to live here in STL, the partner who second-parent adopted would lose his rights to their son! So if anything happened to his partner, not only would he not have the right to visit him in the hospital, he would lose all rights to his son!!!
This just sickens me...that all of these people preach about "focus on the family" and that type of bologna. But what they really mean is focus on HETEROSEXUAL families...
They are OK with respecting the rights of a single, unwed mother of 6 "OOPS" children who doesn't have a job and lives on our hard-earned tax dollars. But take a loving, caring, hard-working, respectable couple who want a child more than anything in life, and if they happen to be gay or lesbian, then they MUST be filthy, vile, sub-human enough that they're not deserving of a child.
I'm sorry...This just infuriates me....
As for your main question, I think that IL is one of the most liberal states regarding same sex adoption (as of right now). My partner and I are currently trying to conceive, and when we do, we are considering moving across the river ourselves so that it will be easier for my partner to second-parent adopt our child. It's really just a shame that things have to be so difficult. We have actually thought seriously about just filing for citizenship in Canada. :confused3
Who knows...all I can say is that we need to fight for our rights before we lose them all...
-Christal

beckmrk04
02-24-2006, 11:55 AM
ChrizJen: First, congrats on trying to concieve!!!And, I couldn't agree with you more. After doing research, I found that Florida and Mississippi are the only states that currently have laws against gay couples adopting. Not that other statesmay not try to make it harder in their own way. And Utah has a law that says no unmarried couple can adopt, which in effect eliminates gay and lesbian couples, since our govt. has deemed it unfit to offer gay and lesbian couples the same rights currently offerred to hetero couples. Argh.

We live about an hour from St. Louis- you should really jump the river and move to IL!! Until then, on the NOW website I found a bumper sticker (I used to work in ST. Charles) for my friends that said "I've got the RED state BLUES"!! How funny. I worked at a non-profit sexual assault crisis center in MO, and boy, that was a trip. I loved my job, but eventually the hour + commute and stress of the job did me in.

And I am so sorry to hear that you have actually considered moving countries because of all this, not that I blame you. It is just such a sad situation.

And I didn't know that MO was trying to reverse adoptions. Wouldn't they be subject to a grandfather clause?

Does anyone else have stories about this? Or, how they found ways around certain laws?

And everyone! LBGT or CSP! Contact your local representatives!!! Tell them how you feel about this issue! I know that Sen. Obama and Sen. Durbin are probably tired of me calling, writing, e-mailing, what have you... Gov. Blagovievich also. But, hey- that's what they are there for. And they can't know how their constituents feel about an issue if we don't let them know.

Carrie772
02-24-2006, 01:19 PM
"I'm sorry...This just infuriates me...."

You don't have to apologize for being angry about something that is wrong.

jackskellingtonsgirl
02-24-2006, 02:43 PM
Texas is a horrible place as far as equality goes. There was a BIG fuss about outlawing gay foster parenting, and of course we now have that shiny new law about no same sex marriage.

I don't know any gay or lesbian couples who have adopted. The gay men seem to have gotten their children by being in straight marriages first, then divorcing after the children were born. The lesbians tend to have biological children. I don't know if they have friends donate the necessary component or how that works. None of my business! ;)

The one option lesbian couples have that might give both partners some rights is to have one partner donate the egg and the other partner carry the fetus. Obviously that will vary from state to state but it might be worth looking into.

Some friends of ours who were interested in looking into adoption said they were only able to find ONE man who was able to successfully go through the process of domestic adoption, and that was by being very closeted and presenting himself as being single. :( They would make terrific dads, but in addition to being gay they also have some health issues so they didn't even TRY to qualify.

I don't understand why ANY child should have to languish in foster care or an institution when there are so many loving GLBT couples that would welcome the opportunity to open their hearts and homes. Just one more sad, unfair, ugly aspect of politics in this country. :mad:

nordkin
02-24-2006, 02:58 PM
We are a couple in Maryland who has adopted. We adopted 3 older children from Russia in 1992 and 1993. We had to lie and do a single parent adoption because the laws for international adoption specifically do not allow gay or lesbian adoptions. The first agency we went through took a couple thousand dollars of our money for the home study and then cam eback and said my partner who was doing the adoption would not be a good parent so they would not proceed. We went to an agency in Texas and she had a placement in 2 months. She traveled to Russia to pick up our daughter and selected two boys while she was there that came home 9 months later. We decided to finalize the adoption in Maryland, although we did not have to, and at the adoption proceedings the judge asked if we wanted to do the second parent adoption. At the time the issue was heavy in the press and we would have been the first gay or lesbian couple to do a second parent adoption in Maryland. We were concerned about the publicity and the effect on the children so we decided not to do it. I will tell you we did not regret that decision until the children got to their late teens and I was told quite often by the boys that I was not their parent and legally I am not. We have had some legal and mental problems with the boys and the fact that I was not a legal parent has only been an issue with one doctor who refused to even discuss the issue at hand with my partner if I was there. She and I both immediately made it clear that I was also a parent and if he had issues we would change doctors. He immediately backed off and started treating me as an equal. We had legal documents drawn up making me guardian if anything happened to Joi and thank goodness all three kids are now of age and this is no lnger a concern.

For anyone considering adoption I would highly recommend Family Pride Coalition. They do so much work in this area that goes unnoticed. The Human Rights Campaign also does work on this area, but Family Pride does so much more. Please check out their web site for a wealth of information.

Donna

icebrat001
02-24-2006, 05:35 PM
I think it's totally unjust that people (lawmakers and what not) can make such major decisions saying who can and cannot adopt based on things such as race, religion and orientation. It's wrong and it's uncalled for. What happened to equal rights for all? We are getting the short end of the stick and it infuriates me big time :mad: :headache: and just think, I'm about to move to one of "those" states. :( :worried:

SuperGurl
02-26-2006, 12:16 PM
I'm straight and I don't understand why adopting is not allowed for gays or lesbians. What is the deal with that? :headache: There are many children who deserve a wonderful home. Even if there are people who think it is "wrong" to be gay/lesbian --that is their opinion and they should not have any say in whether gays/lesbians adopt . Orientation is not what makes someone a good or bad parent.

D,L and K's Mom
02-26-2006, 01:34 PM
I just don't understand why new laws are not being written. Maybe I am very sheltered and I probably don't know what I am talking about but if the current law does not seem to work then FIX IT!!!!! If the terminology is the problem CHANGE IT!!!!! If people are having trouble with the work marriage or adoption then change the words and put in another word that will allow same sex couples the same rights that are given to hetro couples. If anything happens to me my husband has the responsibility of our children. If I am sick and in the hospital my husband has the right to make decisions and has the right to visit me etc. Because he is my husband he is my other half. I am on his insurance policy, my name is along side of his on our house, our car etc.......If people in our govenment are having trouble with the words same sex marriage then CHANGE THE DARN WORDS. I just don't understand it.
have 2 friends who have been together for years. They are the most caring, loving wonderful people in the world. If anything happens to either one of them the other has no rights.They both have great jobs but they each have theri own healt insurance costing them more than if they could be listed on each others. If one is sick the other is dependant on the others family to make sure they are in on the decision process etc. It makes me so sad, sick and angry. They are trying to adopt a child and they will make the greatest parents in the world. If I am hearing what they are explaining correctly only one of them will be listed on the adoption. I am not positive about this but I think that is how it is going to have to be. I think it is nuts. I know there are many many children out there who need a family. They need love, they need attention , they need safety. Where does it say that this only can come from a family where there is a Mom and a Dad. I think a MOM and MOM or a DAD and DAD or just a MOM or just a DAD can give just as much love as a Mom and Dad. A family can be a grandparent, an Aunt a step parent etc why not 2 same sex parents?? Forgive my rant. I am a teacher and I can tell you there are many parents out there who should not be parents....straight, gay, Catholic, Jewish,pink, purple or green they should just NOT be parents. I agree with the previous post that orientation does not make a good parent or family....love does, and love should always be unconditional.....love, hugs, safety and a happy home......that is what children need. How can a state govenment reverse a parents rights to their child? That is crazy. I can't believe it is 2006 and this is still happening in our country. Ok my rant is over. I am done.....for now.

lisajl
02-26-2006, 01:52 PM
Here in Ohio they are trying to ban same sex adoptions, also.
I am so angry about this. I just don't understand why they are doing this.
Does anyone know why? Is it because they think they will brainwash the kids into being gay? Do they think if a homosexual man adopts a son he will sexually molest it?
I just don't get it.

Aren't the majority of child molesters middle aged, straight, white guys?

Lisa

beckmrk04
02-26-2006, 08:34 PM
Here in Ohio they are trying to ban same sex adoptions, also.
I am so angry about this. I just don't understand why they are doing this.
Does anyone know why? Is it because they think they will brainwash the kids into being gay? Do they think if a homosexual man adopts a son he will sexually molest it?
I just don't get it.

Aren't the majority of child molesters middle aged, straight, white guys?

Lisa

98% of male sexual offenders (rapists, child molesters, etc.) identify themselves as heterosexual, even if their victims were male.

The idea that gays/lesbians are child molesters is nothing more than idiotic, completely false and disgusting propaganda

lisajl
02-27-2006, 06:02 AM
98% of male sexual offenders (rapists, child molesters, etc.) identify themselves as heterosexual, even if their victims were male.

The idea that gays/lesbians are child molesters is nothing more than idiotic, completely false and disgusting propaganda


ITA, but there are a lot of right wing religious people...not that they are the only group, that think this is true.
This is why a lot of people don't like organized religion.


Lisa

RickinNYC
02-27-2006, 07:58 AM
So happy to see this thread. Interestingly enough, Joe and I were out with friends at a goodbye party on Friday. A woman was there with her two year old daughter. Joe looked at me, I looked at him and we both said at the same darn time, "I want to adopt." Both of us were floored because in the 15 years that we've been together, neither of us were ready to become parents at the same time.

So, first we have to register in NYC as domestic partners. Never did it before because the rights attributed were strictly beneficial if you were a city worker. Neither of us were. But now that Joe is a public school teacher, they definitely apply.

Then we will start looking at adoption or foster parenthood. But that's a long time coming. We agreed that Joe should stick to his new career switch and focus on that in the coming year or so, then we can readdress the issue. But at least we'll start looking into the city and state laws. I do know New York is great at allowing this for same sex couples.

Who knows? Perhaps in a couple of year, I'm going to have a little calling me "Daddy."

Panic mode anyone? :teeth:

Accentuate+
02-27-2006, 08:18 AM
I live in a state where adoption by a gay couple would be difficult. Some friends of mine found their solution at:
http://www.growinggenerations.com/

They helped them with an egg donor, surrogate mother etc. This program helps lots of gay/lesbian couples and they've already thought of EVERYTHING from a legal standpoint. This child will have both their names on the birth certificate from day 1 because of the state the surrogate is in.

It's very thorough and they even put them through a baby care 101 type class. :) Depending on the services you choose it can require deep pockets but my friends are thrilled with the impending arrival of their child and feel it was well worth the time, effort and money.

Accentuate+
02-27-2006, 08:34 AM
If anything happens to me my husband has the responsibility of our children. If I am sick and in the hospital my husband has the right to make decisions and has the right to visit me etc. Because he is my husband he is my other half. I am on his insurance policy, my name is along side of his on our house, our car etc.......If people in our govenment are having trouble with the words same sex marriage then CHANGE THE DARN WORDS. I just don't understand it.
have 2 friends who have been together for years. They are the most caring, loving wonderful people in the world. If anything happens to either one of them the other has no rights.They both have great jobs but they each have theri own healt insurance costing them more than if they could be listed on each others. If one is sick the other is dependant on the others family to make sure they are in on the decision process etc. .

First of all I agree with everything you said :)

Gay couples can get around a lot of this stuff with a good lawyer and a stack of paperwork, though. It's not right that they have to do it this way but it's better than leaving it undone. Things like being a decision maker in the case of illness, home or other property ownership etc can all be handled that way. If your friends are a long-term, committed couple and haven't been to a lawyer and worked all this out please encourage them to do so. It's generally not an issue until 'the worst' happens and then it can be a disaster. Especially if the family wasn't supportive of the relationship.

I swear it's not "leave a link" day and I'm not affiliated with any of the ones I've left but http://www.hrc.org/ has good information on ways to work for the kind of change you mention in your post.

PoohnPglet
02-27-2006, 06:24 PM
Who knows? Perhaps in a couple of year, I'm going to have a little calling me "Daddy."




That does sound so much better than "Nahtadad"!

Viki
02-27-2006, 06:49 PM
Great, great thread.

Although Gwen and I have raised our two adopted children from the time they both came home from the hospital (3 and 5 months of age), it took six long, hellish years for the adoptions to go through. The mixture of reasons for the delay included: biological mom would not give up her rights and the system is strongly geared to family (re)unification, we are two women, and we are two caucasian women while our children are African-American.

Because of the struggles we went through, when it came down to the adoption, we decided that although one Philadelphia judge was doing two-Mom adoptions, we just couldn't risk the kids on the luck of the draw. So, Gwen, being the younger and the healthier of the two of us (not to mention way, way cuter), is the adoptive mother.

I have to confess that this rarely ever occurs to me, but the flip side of that is that now that they are about to turn 17 and 18 we are very fortunate that nothing ever happened to Gwen.

Saxton
02-27-2006, 07:43 PM
I have often thought about adopting a child with special needs, but since I'm solo and travel quite a bit for work it's not possible. Still, I find it frustrating to see that conservatives would rather keep those children that may be difficult to place in foster care or group settings rather that have them adopted by loving gays/lesbians. I found this on 365gay.com ... I don't know this guy but I like the way he thinks!

(Akron, Ohio) An Ohio Democrat is proposing legislation that would prevent Republicans from adopting children, a move aimed at embarrassing the GOP over moves to block gay adoptions.

State Sen. Robert Hagan (D-Youngstown) admits his bill is purely "tongue-in-cheek" but says that the message is anything but a joke.

In an email sent to fellow legislators, and obtained by Knight Ridder Newspapers, Hagan says he's looking for co-sponsors to "introduce legislation in the near future that would ban households with one or more Republican voters from adopting children or acting as foster parents."

Earlier this month a bill to ban gays, bisexuals, and transgenderds from adopting was proposed by 10 far-right Republicans. It was introduced in the House this month by state Rep. Ron Hood (R-Ashville)

"We need to see what we are doing," said Hagan, who called Hood's proposed bill blatantly discriminatory and "homophobic."

When Hood introduced his gay adoption ban he said that, "Studies have shown that the optimal setting to raise children in is a traditional setting with a mom and a dad."

Hood claims that children raised in gay households are at "increased risk" of physical and emotional problem.

In Hagan's email to fellow lawmaker's he skewers Hood's assertions, offering his own "credible research" shows that adopted children raised in Republican households are more at risk for developing "emotional problems, social stigmas, inflated egos, and alarming lack of tolerance for others they deem different than themselves and an air of overconfidence to mask their insecurities."

Hagan knows his mock bill has no chance of getting to the floor for a vote let alone passing. And, Hood's bill appears to be headed for a similar fate.

Last week 365Gay.com reported that GOP leaders in the House and Senate said they would not permit the measure to move through committee. (story (http://www.365gay.com/Newscon06/02/021106adoption.htm))

©365Gay.com 2006

beckmrk04
02-27-2006, 08:09 PM
I don't know this guy but I like the way he thinks!


Now there is some legislation I could get behind!! :rotfl2:

Honestly, I know that not ALL Republicans feel this way, but seriously, this "fake" bill should be an eye opener as to the sorts of arguments that are used to keep gay and lesbian couples from adopting children.

For those of you who have responded thus far, I am sorry to hear of the struggles you have encountered or may encounter in the future. It breaks my heart that there are so many loving, caring, law-abiding couples out there longing for children who are being turned away simply because of who they love. It also breaks my heart that to some politicians, itis more important to stigmatize gay and lesbian couples than it is to find good homes for thousands of children who so desperately need them.

I can honestly say that right now I am just disgusted with the current state of affairs- be it LGBT rights, women's rights- don't EVEN get me started on South Dakota :headache: ... But, I refuse to believe that we are going to let our progress slide backwards. I, for one, will not. :grouphug:

Or- I'm moving to Canada. :cheer2:

mommyceratops
02-27-2006, 08:13 PM
I saw this thread and had to check in and say I am outraged that same sex couples can not adopt (or marry) I just do not understand how law makers can say who would be good parents and who would make a good married couples!

It makes me so mad....Like they have not read a history book!! :mad:

RickinNYC
02-28-2006, 09:00 AM
Or- I'm moving to Canada. :cheer2:

You know something, I used that statement last night with a really good friend, just about this very same topic, and after I got off the phone, realized something very very very key. That statement, although said as a joke, is EXACTLY what the far far far right wing conservatives would like us to do. And if they were to hear such a statement, again as a joke, it would only support their own completely idiotic, absolutely ridiculous retort that so many of them have taken to embrace and resort to, "If you don't like the U.S. the way it is, then MOVE."

Funny enough, those very same complete morons (NOT all Republicans, just the uber right wing neo-Nazi conservatives) seem to have forgotten the fact that this country, the United States of America, was founded on and grew in strength, due to the desire for change and the need for laws recognizing basic human rights. Yet they want folks who don't think the same as they today, should move. What complete idiots.

I do thank God that these people, as vociferous as they are, are the minority. As much as their voice is being heard by the President they elected at the moment, it won't be forever. Like any civil rights movement, it will take time, frustration, tears and anger, but things will change.

So that one simple statement, "I'm moving to (fill in the blank)" will never leave my lips again. Ever. It'll give those mentally and socially stunted fellow citizens even more ammo.

True North
02-28-2006, 11:57 AM
Or- I'm moving to Canada. :cheer2:
Well, I agree with Rick's point, however I would love to see you all up here in the true north!

I actually got a PM asking me to post on this thread. I never noticed but I guess DH and I are the token gay men with children on the thread. To be honest, I have been ignoring this thread on purpose. I feel bad constantly saying “things are different here in Canada” to every thread about social issues. It doesn’t seem right for me to comment on a government I neither vote for nor have any connection to. While of course I feel the pain of the American GLTB community, it is not my place to say you do things wrong in our country, or anything along those lines.

My story is so different then everything I have read on this thread. I am the very first generation of Canada’s equality age for the GLTB community. Because of this I have followed a very traditional creation of a family. I went to university after high school. There I dated different people, and in my last year fell in love with a great guy. We dated for three years and felt it was time to take the next step. We then got legally married. It was then one year later that Mark entered our life. Mark wasn’t a regular adoption, and to be honest, I didn’t think I would be a dad at 27 years old, but that is how the chips fell and I couldn’t be happier. Canadian law has no differences between same-sex and opposite-sex adoption. It is difficult to adopt in Canada however, because there are not as many children in the system. It can often take 5 to 10 years depending on what you are going to accept. We have some how skipped through the system, and have created our little family with little government interference. Mark has two legal parents that have equal rights in every part of his life. Both our names are on his birth certificates to ensure that no parent can be seen as a priority.

While I read your stories I feel so bad. The lack of equality is so sad. Even here in Canada, we are just the beginning, and have become a sort of “poster children” for the equal rights of the GLTB community. It is hard to be threatened by a couple that follows the decades old saying “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage.” I wish you all the best in your fight for equality.

AdventurerKat
02-28-2006, 04:04 PM
That's one sad thing about Florida. Its a beautiful state with alot of ugly people making alot of ugly laws. Sometimes I really miss Washington.

Best of luck to all of you hoping to adopt. There are so many children in this world that need a loving home.

beckmrk04
02-28-2006, 05:31 PM
RickinNYC: Very good point. Obviously I was joking. I have no plans to move to Canada, although I'm sure it's lovely ! :thumbsup2

I guess it would be more fun to stay here and be a pain in their ***! I'm not going to say that at times, though, when I look at other countries, I don't look back at ours and wonder what happened. How did America get so prude and self-righteous? Hmmmmm......

And my response to those who say, "if you don't like the U.S.,then move" has always been, "The reason I love the U.S. is because when I don't like it I can try to change it!" SO, we're stuck with Bush for now, but there's always the next election!!

nliedel
02-28-2006, 05:59 PM
I have two adopted boys and I am adopted. I am straight but this issue is so very close to my heart. I believe in adoption as a healthy, loving and meaningful way to grow a family.

Good parenting is good parenting and it does not matter one little bit if the parents are married, gay, purple with pink spots, practice a religion I have never heard of etc. There are so many older children in this country, especially boys, desperate for a home. In China orphanages are full of girls the Chinese people cannot keep, even tho it must be killing those poor Mothers.

If I could surrogate for a loving couple, regardless of race, creed or orientation I would. People who want to love a child should have that opportunity. Period (unfortuanatly I give birth early and my OB/GYN has threatened my husband if I ever darken her door pregnant again LOL! 24 weeks, our angel, 28 weeks and 33 weeks, so don't even PM me! :) )

scubamouse
03-03-2006, 01:44 PM
I'm a straight adoptive mom and this subject is so close to my heart.

I used to live in VA where gays are not allowed to adopt. our next door neighbors there are gay. one of them adopted 2 kids from columbia with his now ex-wife. Our friends are awesome parents ... alll of them and their kids are doing great.

the lesbians I know that have adopted have typically had to do the single-woman adoption and then re-adopt if their state allowed.

we had friends stay w/us this weekend who are trying IUI first because it's so hard for them to adopt and they live in NJ!

Frankly I find it utterly appalling that I live in a country that allows kids to languish in foster care instead of allowing them to be adopted into a stable loving gay home!

RadioFanatic
03-03-2006, 02:19 PM
NY permits it. I am a straight female and my dh and I are trying to adopt. I'm in a 10 week class to get certified for adoption with my dh through the county that has two gay couples in it (both female).

lookingforward
03-18-2006, 04:50 AM
Well, I agree with Rick's point, however I would love to see you all up here in the true north!

I actually got a PM asking me to post on this thread. I never noticed but I guess DH and I are the token gay men with children on the thread. To be honest, I have been ignoring this thread on purpose. I feel bad constantly saying “things are different here in Canada” to every thread about social issues. It doesn’t seem right for me to comment on a government I neither vote for nor have any connection to. While of course I feel the pain of the American GLTB community, it is not my place to say you do things wrong in our country, or anything along those lines.

My story is so different then everything I have read on this thread. I am the very first generation of Canada’s equality age for the GLTB community. Because of this I have followed a very traditional creation of a family. I went to university after high school. There I dated different people, and in my last year fell in love with a great guy. We dated for three years and felt it was time to take the next step. We then got legally married. It was then one year later that Mark entered our life. Mark wasn’t a regular adoption, and to be honest, I didn’t think I would be a dad at 27 years old, but that is how the chips fell and I couldn’t be happier. Canadian law has no differences between same-sex and opposite-sex adoption. It is difficult to adopt in Canada however, because there are not as many children in the system. It can often take 5 to 10 years depending on what you are going to accept. We have some how skipped through the system, and have created our little family with little government interference. Mark has two legal parents that have equal rights in every part of his life. Both our names are on his birth certificates to ensure that no parent can be seen as a priority.

While I read your stories I feel so bad. The lack of equality is so sad. Even here in Canada, we are just the beginning, and have become a sort of “poster children” for the equal rights of the GLTB community. It is hard to be threatened by a couple that follows the decades old saying “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage.” I wish you all the best in your fight for equality.

Thanks for posting about your experience. Perhaps the reason that Canada has so few kids in the system is because they allow loving, responsible adults to adopt and don't focus on sexual orientation. The way it should be.

Being a social worker in the not so progressive state of Florida it breaks my heart that the conservative leadership disallows gay couples to adopt. The state will allow the couple to foster parent but if the foster child is released for adoption they actually will move to take that child out of the foster home to place into another home. Kids who are happy and loved in foster care removed because of sexual orientation of the foster parents? Happens all the time. We have a very poorly run department of children and families here and it is a miracle in and of itself to find good foster parents to begin with. I have worked with gay couples who provide amazing, loving and supportive enviornments for their foster kids or relatives for YEARS but are not "acceptable" to adopt. We lobby for change but I don't see it coming any time soon. The kids suffer and wonderful, giving, caring and loving people can't be parents in the eyes of the law. Sorry to rant!

It is heartwarming and encouraging to read about Canada and the few states here in the US that recognize love for what it is.

paigevz
03-19-2006, 02:04 PM
Texas is a horrible place as far as equality goes. There was a BIG fuss about outlawing gay foster parenting, and of course we now have that shiny new law about no same sex marriage.

I don't know any gay or lesbian couples who have adopted. The gay men seem to have gotten their children by being in straight marriages first, then divorcing after the children were born. The lesbians tend to have biological children. I don't know if they have friends donate the necessary component or how that works. None of my business! ;)

The one option lesbian couples have that might give both partners some rights is to have one partner donate the egg and the other partner carry the fetus. Obviously that will vary from state to state but it might be worth looking into.

Some friends of ours who were interested in looking into adoption said they were only able to find ONE man who was able to successfully go through the process of domestic adoption, and that was by being very closeted and presenting himself as being single. :( They would make terrific dads, but in addition to being gay they also have some health issues so they didn't even TRY to qualify.

I don't understand why ANY child should have to languish in foster care or an institution when there are so many loving GLBT couples that would welcome the opportunity to open their hearts and homes. Just one more sad, unfair, ugly aspect of politics in this country. :mad:

I know a little girl who was adopted by one of her dads. The other dad's last name was given as the child's middle name, but he was not listed on the amended birth certificate, so I assume he was not able to adopt her as well. This was a private adoption among family. She's now 10 years old, and just FRIDAY, they got their new baby! He is adorable. He came from a foster home. I assume from that, that the state is involved. They used to be pretty secretive about their family make-up when the older child first came to school, but have been very involved throughout the years and are quite open now about their family. I don't think they'd have been secretive about it through this adoption. I don't even see how they could, really, given their status in the community, the age of their first child and they'd have had to interview her, and then that one dad adopted the first child, and the other dad picked up this baby at the foster home. I don't know all the specifics, so I could be wrong, but it would seem a successful state adoption by at least one of them.

Adoption is not regulated properly already. Now to take away thousands of potential homes because of some imagined fault anyone who loves someone of their same sex has, is criminal.

AMcaptured
03-19-2006, 02:44 PM
I am straight but a friend of mine does a podcast about gay parenting on the podcast network. It is listed under the lifestyles section. Some of you that perhaps are exploring the possiblity of becoming parents might want to check it out. He has some great shows and is exceptionally entertaining to boot.

AM

wallyb
03-23-2006, 07:14 AM
Here in MA - Boston Catholic Charities has decided to Stop doing all adoptions
rather than have to place children with "GAY COUPLES!"

Nice. Nice for the kids who just want a loving home.

MouseWorshipin
03-23-2006, 04:33 PM
So, I got my e-mail from the National Organization for Women (NOW) and in it was a link to a USA Today article about the battle over gay adoption heating up in 16 states. I live in IL, which, thankfully, is Democratic (at least for now), and as far as I know, there are no laws banning gay and lesbian couples from adopting children. I was just wondering what other people's experiences are with this? FL allows no gay couples to adopt. Utah allows no unmarried couples to adopt. So, if you are LGBT, and want to adopt or have adopted, what have been your experiences? I know it's hard enough for straight couples, I can't imagine what it must be like for the LGBT families. Care to share your stories?

P.S.- in the meantime, I am trying to look up IL laws on this issue.
I know of a couple...
"Two penguins in the penguin house were a little bit different. One was named Roy and the other was named Silo." They adopted an egg and hatched it, and had a baby penguin named, "Tango," because it takes two to make a Tango.
:goodvibes

beckmrk04
03-23-2006, 08:56 PM
I know of a couple...
"Two penguins in the penguin house were a little bit different. One was named Roy and the other was named Silo." They adopted an egg and hatched it, and had a baby penguin named, "Tango," because it takes two to make a Tango.
:goodvibes

:lmao:
You're killing me.

I HAVE to get that book.... :lmao: :goodvibes

mickeymousemom
03-26-2006, 07:17 PM
I've only skimmed thru this thread but I want to say that I never knew that there were actually places that wouldn't allow gay couples to adopt. How ignorant am I?? I find it absolutely horrid that would be parents are judged on their sexual preference instead of their ability to parent. This absolutely sickens me. I become more disenchanted with this country and our government everyday. For those of you who are looking to adopt, and those of you who might in the future....I wish you the best of luck. You are in my thoughts and prayers. :goodvibes

2Princes2Princesses
04-06-2006, 08:22 PM
After I had my tubal after my 4th child, there came a time when we suspected I might be pregnant again. I wasn't, but for a week or two, we were going back and forth about having a 5th child. It would have been tough for us in several ways, which I will not get into here.

Anyway, we did talk briefly about adoption and, knowing the difficulties gay couples face with adoption, I told DH if I was and if we went that route, we wanted a gay or lesbian couple to adopt our child. Good parents come in all shapes and sizes and sexual preferences.

There are so many kids in need of a loving home. I find it appalling that the government and citizens in general would rather see them suffer being bounced through the system than placed with a gay couple.

pepperw23
04-10-2006, 06:08 PM
Wow!! This just floors me!! And Angers me!! With all the children in the world, in need of a good home, you would think these states would be happy to send a child to a loving, caring home. Yet, they give absolutly no second thoughts about putting children in corrupt foster homes (I have a friend that can tell you about some of those)!!

I owe you all an apology, I never even thought to think this would be a problem for some. Until I came on these boards I only thought I knew what some of you go through, and it made me angry then. Now, it plain out sickens me. I am a Christian Mom with two wonderful teens and a wonderful husband and as a Christian Mom I think EVERY American has the right to raise a family.

(climbs on soap-box) Each person reading this should write a letter to thier Senators demanding answers as to why it is hard for ANY loving family to adopt a child. I know I am going to, I may not get an answer, but at least then my anger won't be wasted, and maybe my little voice will be heard.

okay, I feel better now, thanks for letting me vent.

nliedel
04-10-2006, 06:21 PM
pepperw23

Here's a Mickey bar. You just expended a ton of energy with a REALLY GOOD idea that I am going to follow up on. Sentator Levin will be getting a letter from me tomorrow. You can count on it. A good home is a good home is a good home.

Hugs.

pepperw23
04-10-2006, 06:36 PM
I LOVE Mickey Bars..Thanks. I am working on my letter first thing tomorrow (I think better at work)

GurGie
04-11-2006, 10:14 AM
We live in FL and I have no legal rights to the 2 beautiful daughters whose lives I have been involved in since (& before) birth. I'm fortunate in that my in-laws like me and would not take them from me but all I need is one holy roller on a crusade and I'd be sunk.

nliedel
04-11-2006, 10:52 AM
We live in FL and I have no legal rights to the 2 beautiful daughters whose lives I have been involved in since (& before) birth. I'm fortunate in that my in-laws like me and would not take them from me but all I need is one holy roller on a crusade and I'd be sunk.

Wow, your girls are so adorable!

Florida is like a worse case scenario for gay adoption. They also have one of the worst track records for good foster care placement. They encourage people to keep kids in foster care (please note this may be old information) rather than adopt by removing subsidies once adoption is complete. A shame because the high needs kids have a super hard time finding homes there.

Oh and I just am finishing a letter to Senator Levin.

remmy_7
05-08-2006, 10:37 PM
I've never been able to understand the issues with gay adoption. There are some children who otherwise might NEVER get adopted. So as long as the parents are loving, why does it matter if they're gay or straight?
Some things I'll just never be able to understand :sad2:

nuttylawprofessor
05-13-2006, 05:08 PM
Hello my IL friends. My first trek into this board and I find this thread. It's destiny!

Illinois does not have any statutory law that explicitly allows or prohibits adoption by same-sex couples. Thanks to a circuit court judge in Cook County, we do have cases that ALLOW such adoptions.

Here's the sad part, there is no reason for Illinois to pursue a statutory ban on gay adoption. Because the child welfare system is privatized, the state can let different agencies do the dirty work. Not all agencies would do this sort of thing, but if the current road that Catholic Charities is heading down is any indication, we may be in big trouble. The latest placement statistics that I've seen have Catholic Charities servicing more family cases than the Dept. of Children and Family Services. If CC begins to deny placement and licensing to homosexual couples... you can see where this is going, right?

It's also interesting to hear people's perceptions of FL and IL and how the two states treat same-sex couples. Consider this:

-Illinois was the first state to explicitly ban same-sex marriage
-Florida has recognized the parental rights of a transgendered individual to his children, while Illinois (in an almost identical factual scenario) has decided that it is better to deny the transgendered man his son

:sad2:

The United States is at war with its children. We have one of the worst infant mortality rates among industrialized nations. Maternity and paternity leave is a joke. (BTW- the people who work to represent abused and neglected children in court, have no paid parental leave-- ironic?) Until a few years ago, it was legal for schools in the majority of states to paddle a child, regardless of the parent's wishes. We're ready to put a 14 year old in juvenile hall for petty theft because we understand that, as a child, she didn't know any better. If, however, that same girl kills her abusive mother, we will try her as an adult, lock her up, and throw away the key.

But allow a gay man or woman to foster or adopt a neglected or abused child? THAT would turn society on its ear.