Telling others NO!!

[FreeTime]

What do you do when people invite themselves along on your vacation? My FIL who is going with us in May, informed me that he would just go with us in December also! He knows that we have enough points so we can't use that as an excuse. I am looking forward to planning an immediate family only vacation, because when next December rolls around we would have had guests at DVC for 2 years! Thanks!

[Chuck S]

FreeTime,

I see you've discovered the biggest problem of DVC ownership! Our solution, since we also have enough points, is to get the 'guests' a studio. Once we arrive at OKW, we say "See Ya!" and while we may meet up occasionally, we spend most of the trip separately.

[tiggersnj]

Why not have your DH tell his father that although you love his company and enjoy spending time with him that this particular vacation is a special one for just you and the kids since you don't get to spend enough vacation time with each other. You know what they always say - if you get mad you also get glad. This is
really a tough one and I don't think a seperate studio would help.
It sounds like he just want to be with you. If you take him along, you might be taking him all the time. Maybe telling him May is for
his family time and December is for yours. Good Luck:wave: :wave: :wave:

[TrudyZ]

This is one reason that none of my in-laws know we have bought into DVC!:D

We have taken trips to various venues in which we have invited both sides of the family; and we have taken other trips with just us 3. I understand how once they have been invited on one trip, they seem to think they are automatically invited/entitled to the rest--and it becomes difficult telling them while trying to spare their feelings.

I agree with Tiggersnj, try explaining that this is a time to "bond" with your signifigant other and kids, and he can come on the next trip.

If that doesn't work, you can try one of my lines to my FIL (said with a sense of humor, but full of truth) "watch it old man, or you'll be off the guest list permanently". Or, "Oh, great, we were wondering who would babysit our little monster(s) so we could run off and enjoy ourselves--we already have PSs every day for every lunch and dinner for 2--so glad you volunteered!"

Don't give in to the guilt; remember your in-laws took plenty of vacations over their lifetime without dragging the whole extended family along on every trip; and you are now entitled to take your signifigant other and kids too without dragging the entire entourage along each time.

Good Luck!

Trudy

[ILuvDVC]

I've been inviting friends and family to join us on our DVC trips since I bought into DVC. I love sharing. But, when there is a time that I want it to be just my son and I. I put my foot down and say, not this time, sorry, it's just us :) . They tend to understand. This has only happened once. My Uncle said he could join us in December, and I said...nobody is coming with us this time. And he said OK. I think he came again the next year. We love having him, but sometimes it is nice to go alone.

Good Luck :)

[gn2wdw]

My parents always go with us, which is fine. But we had to stop my mom's sister from thinking that she was always invited. We planned our trip secretly and only spilled the beans recently. She doesn't know we are DVC members. We booked a cruise this fall with our points. My mom told her that she was welcome to come along, but she had to pay cash for her own room. So she's not coming.

We did offer that we would be back at OKW in June and if she wanted to join us then, that would be fine. I haven't heard whether she will or not.

Melinda

[sixcats]

You have my sympathy! In the future, don't bring up planned trips. If the cat gets out of the bag, say"yes, we are going on a small trip in Dec., just to spend some alone time with the kids. Just the 5 of us.". It does sound blunt, but unfortunately, some people just don't "get it".

[Tigger7570]

We've been going twice a year to OKW since 93. What we do is plan one trip with family or friends and one just for us. When we plan the trip for family or friends we ask them and then book, then when anyone asks we say we already have people staying with us. We've made it clear that the other trip is just for us. This saves a lot of hurt feelings and it allows us to invite who we want, when we want. We learned the hard way after one diastrous trip where we had already asked one couple and then were approached by another couple to come along as well. We agreed and it was just not a good trip. Now, we have everything in place so it doesn't happen again. Remember, you bought for your pleasure, other family and friends have the ability to do same. Don't feel guilty, you have the right to enjoy your membership and control who comes and who doesn't.

[prplcrzy]

I can't beleive tat people actually invite themselves to go on a vacation with others. This is just incomprehensible. I have taken people to the BWV with us but I would never think of inviting myself on vacation with someone, family or not. Does this really happen a lot????

[GB]

I have alot of people try to invite themselves along. But since it's just my son and I, I just tell them that they can't come cause then I have to get a bigger room and that means that it lessons my days at Disney. I don't mind just one or two people comming with us. But usually it is the families with 3 or 4 people. There is no way I'm using points for a two bedroom to accomodate everyone, because it would take vacation time away from me. Even though I have 275 points now, I'm only booking a studio so I get the maximum days a year.

I would just tell them no.

Gina

[Snow Shoe]

I can't comprehend friends or family just taking it upon themselves to invite themselves along on somebody elses vacation. Your husband should be the one who tells his dad that "this is not the right time to come with us, maybe next time".

[DVCajun]

I'm with the others who are just amazed that someone would have the gumption to actually invite themselves along on someone else's vacation! I don't care if they've been invited in the past-- that wasn't a blanket invitation for all future trips as well! Wow-- the nerve that must take. Wasn't it Ann Landers who said something along the lines of "If they're rude enough to ask, you can be rude enough to say no"?

[Janet2k]

Oh, this thread is TOO funny! I have found myself in the same predicament. I am trying to think positive and forget that two other families unexpectedly joining my family has caused me to completely revamp the vacation that I have had planned since last year. Reservations have had to be cancelled, adjusted, and made, for resort stays, meals, and activities. As you all know, planning a group WDW vacation is quite a feat, and I have had to pull it off within just a few weeks. But my vacation will be even more magical since so many others will be sharing it with me. I just hope Santa remembers that small little point when he's dropping into my WDW resort room on Christmas Eve. Ho! Ho! Ho!

[DVCajun]

I wouldn't hold my breath, Janet. I brought my brother along last year for almost a week as his birthday present. Guess what I got for my birthday from him? A promise. :) But the joy is in the giving, isn't it?

I don't hold it against my brother-- he's a man and I didn't exactly expect a thoughtful gift for tha reason. :D ;)

[trishy]

I'm not understanding how this could even happen!!! I mean, just because they're called POINTS doesn't mean it's not costing us CASH. If they pay $5,000 for a Hawaiian vacation, would they actually be willing to include people who ask if they can join them (for free...) I just don't get it, I guess. I would have no problem saying No to anyone (even my own mother) who tried to invite themselves - how rude. I wouldn't even BUY them a studio. They can pay cash if they want to go - either to me to reimburse the cost of the points or on their own with their own reservation. Geez, unbelievable!!! Maybe I'm just callous, but I'm from the school of "wait till you get the invitation" - even then, I still pay my own way - how nice that someone wanted to spend a vacation with me, but they shouldn't be expected to pay for it.

[CaptainMidnight]

Uh...... when are your going?

I'll check my schedule, cause I think I'm available to go too.....

I'm sure we can become new best friends.....


;-)

(Thought a little humor might help. Good luck with your family negotiations, they can ge challenging. Actually had the same thing happen to me. Best advice I have is to sit down and be up front with your family member and tell him/her that work has been very stressful, things are tough right now, and your family really needs some family time together. Otherwise, your going to end up divorced and/or your kids are going to run away from home, and they wouldn't want to be responsible for such an thing because they tagged along uninvited on a vacation, would they? ;-0 )

[FreeTime]

Thank you everyone for your suggestions! I have told my husband that he has to tell his dad & he of course has a prpblem doing that! I figured that I would just "forget" to talk about the trip again, make our plans, and say "oops sorry, it is too late to get a larger room."

Do you want to know what makes it really bad? My FIL had as add on points so that he would be able to take his other grandkids. He has failed to pay for them, forcing me to keep them up. And yet, he still thinks that he should get to go. We told him that we were going to sell them. He said I'll pay for them. you pay the dues. We said "nope, you have to pay for it all." He changed the subject. Maybe I should tell him that we sold them?:confused:

[TrudyZ]

Oh, now I get it. You FIL had you purchase add-on points that he was supposed to pay you for so that he could come along and bring other grandkids. He hasn't reimbursed you for the add-on or the dues associated with them.

What a piece of work.

This problem is more complicated than the FIL just wanting to join in on your vacations. My bet is that he thinks he is entitled to because of this co-mingling of points that he thinks he owns that he hasn't paid you for yet.

This problem is going to continue to rear it's ugly head for the next 41 years--or when you sell it in digust--if you don't get this straightened out now. You can't use diversion tactics forever. He will continue to think he has a right to join your vacations (or wait until he asks some guests) as he feels he is "part owner".

Good luck. Maybe some of the others can give you some advice on this twist. I won't, because after what I would say I wouldn't have to worry about him wanting to vacation with us any more!

This is just one more testimony to not telling the In Laws about DVC ;).

Trudy

[KNWVIKING]

...... To the people on this thread who have experienced this problem: How many times have these uninvited guests included you in one of thier vacations. Maybe the next time you hear them talking about a trip say something to the effect of " Cool,what time should we be at your house ?"or "Did you get a big enough rental car for ALL OF US ?".

[sixcats]

Tell him that since you needed to come up with cash for the points "he" asked you to add on, you rented the points this year. Let him know that if the cost isn't covered you will rent them every year.

[Dean]

We can't tell you what to do, but sounds like it's time to settle this. The main problem you face is not your FIL, it's your spouse. Unfortunately, you're set up to look bad no matter what happens. Regardless, it will only get worst as time goes along. Your mission is to first settle it with your husband then with your FIL. Regardless, I suspect that you will not be done with this until you either get an absolutely agreement giving you total and final control of the 50 add on points or you sell them.

I suspect your FIL had no intention of paying any on this, it was likely his way of getting you to subsidise trips by himself and other members of his family. I wonder if he views your family as the prosperous ones and is doing his part to redistribute the wealth.

[FreeTime]

Actually Dean I think that the problem is that everyone else in the family takes advantage of him and it makes me so very, very mad that he stuck me with paying for his 100 points. For example he has paid for numerous trips to DW for my BIL family, has caught their bills up time and time again, and pays for another family members bills. He and my husband will be out and my husband will ask him for $10 for gas just until he gets home, and you would have thought that he asked for $1M! I have to give the man credit, he has helped us by loaning us a down payment for our house, which he would always ask when he would get it. We pay him back, but the rest of the family uses him more and more. But, of course, how could we tell him that? Maybe I am jealous because everyone else has learned how to take advantage of the poor man! I am dreading going on vacation with him in May and now I am dreading him going again in the fall. So much for me enjoying making plans with my DVC!:mad:

[Dean]

I stand by original interpretation. Sounds like he's bent on giving you guys nothing and paying for others in the family, partly at your expense. While you shouldn't expect any freebies, you should not be expected to donate unless you truly want to. Still, the main problem is that your spouse hasn't taken a stand and then that puts you in the middle being the heavy. Still seems like tranferring the points directly to him, declaring them yours forever or selling them will get you out of this specific predicament. You could also deduct the payments from what you owe him. The real problem though will not go away unless your husband takes a stand.

I know 2 families much like you describe. One is my Wife's where they never gave her anything except the bare necessities and then gave her younger brother money, cars, etc. They'd send him money to pay his car payment and he'd use it to go on vacation. He must have wrecked 4 or 5 cars and always wanted another one from them. She never asked or wanted anything from them but it really pissed her off to see her parents taken advantage of that way. I think it also made her feel a little less loved than she would have otherwise. The other family is my BIL's. His family would give him nothing if he asked and are always giving to his 2 sisters and his brother. Again, they take advantage of his parents and spend the money's frivilously.

[Granny]

FreeTime....I can't really offer any better advice than you've already been given. My guess is that this DVC issue is not the only thing that is causing friction.

I only post to give you some moral support and to let you know that we are all pulling for you.

We wish you all the best.

[prplcrzy]

Freetime,

I would tell him you have to sell the points cause you can't afford it, and if he doesn't pony up the money for dues each year, tell him you sold them and had to use the money from the sale to cover the back dues that you owed. Then just enjoy your DVC and he won't feel like you owe him something.